She spent the night reading the debriefing package that Fury had left her. It detailed the attack on the PEGASUS facility in New Mexico. The cube—or the Tesseract, as Fury had called it—had been acting up somehow, emitting energy surges. Then a portal of some kind had opened up, which the being who identified himself as Loki came through.
Aliens. Portals. It was like something out of a science fiction novel. Bucky would have loved all this stuff. Heck, even Steve had to admit to a fission of excitement going through her. She still remembered the first time she'd read Princess of Mars and imagined going to another planet. One where she might not be so weak and helpless, but actually be powerful. And the aliens. Whole civilizations of them, right above her head. It'd fascinated her.
And now, it wasn't fantasy. It was reality. Not just aliens, but Norse god aliens. Loki and Thor. Asgardians.
She wondered if the portal that the cube had opened up for the Red Skull was the same as the one that'd brought Loki to Earth. Maybe the Red Skull hadn't disintegrated. Maybe he'd traveled to another planet. She wondered.
So, Loki had stolen the cube and some agents along with it. Fury was calling Steve in to help look for it. She was the muscle, obviously, and the brains would be Dr. Bruce Banner.
"So this Dr. Banner was trying to replicate the serum used on me?" She'd watched the video of Banner last night while studying, but she couldn't help watching it again. And again and again. She was currently on a Quinjet, traveling to an undisclosed location to meet up with Dr. Banner and another member of the team, Agent Romanoff.
Watching the footage of Banner going up against the Army, she winced as Banner lifted a tank and used it to take down another tank.
God. She'd thought what had happened to the Red Skull had been bad. She'd never thought that it could get worse.
Clearly, she'd thought wrong.
Agent Coulson came over and looked over the screen of the tablet that Steve was holding. "A lot of people were," he replied. "You were the world's first superhero. Banner thought gamma radiation was the key to unlocking Erskine's original formula."
She had no idea what gamma radiation was, but it must be bad if it could do this to a man. She wondered if what Banner had tested it on before testing it on himself. Then again, she hadn't exactly known what Vita Rays were, and she'd allowed Stark to use them on her. Erskine had warned her that things could go wrong, and Steve had gotten in the pod anyway.
She almost asked Coulson about Vita Rays and if he knew what they were, but decided it wasn't the time. Clearly, Stark hadn't shared the secret with anyone, except maybe his son, and Tony Stark was keeping it a secret. Maybe with good reason, considering all that could go wrong with the serum.
So, instead she just said, "Didn't really go his way, did it?"
"Not so much. When he's not that thing, though, the guy's like a Stephen Hawking."
She frowned at Coulson, not understanding. Red Skull had been like he was all the time: red and evil. But unless a Stephen Hawking was a green rage machine…
"He's like a smart person."
Ah. She made a mental note to look up Stephen Hawking as soon as she had the time. She really needed to start writing all these references down. People dropped them all the time, and they flew over her head and made her feel like she was speaking a different language than everyone else. Luckily she didn't need much sleep. Most nights she spent at the computer, looking up all the things people had said during the day, trying to catch up.
"I gotta say, it's an honor to meet you. Officially."
Steve looked up to find Coulson beaming down at her, looking almost bashful.
She recognized that look. A hero worshiper. A fan. She'd had a lot of them, back when she was touring for the USO. Most were twelve, which was easier to deal with, but there were some adults. Men who couldn't join the war for whatever reason. Dames who were attracted to the image of Captain America. She'd never gotten used to it. It didn't bother her. Not exactly. It was just embarrassing and uncomfortable.
"I sort of met you," Coulson continued. "I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping."
Holding back a wince, she looked down at the tablet. That was a little uncomfortable. Of course, she knew people had been around while she'd been unconscious. The doctors and stuff. But this guy… The way he put it, it was like he'd been at her side, reading to her or something, while she slept on, oblivious.
Coulson seemed to realize how awkward it sounded, because he hurried on to say, "I mean I was… I was present when you were unconscious from the ice."
That phrasing did not making it any better. Had she still been encased in ice when he'd been there? Had he been part of the fake room she'd woken up in. Maybe he'd even chosen the game on the radio, knowing she was a fan and thinking it might ease the transition.
And, oh, God. If he'd been there, did that mean…
Maybe it did. Maybe he knew. Look at the facts. The bashfulness. The big, hopeful eyes. The smile. The way he kept edging close to her.
Did he think she was…. Was he trying to…
"I'm, uh… I'm not…" She didn't know how to finish the sentence.
She stood and straightened her shoulders, trying to look big and intimidating. Lowering her voice, she said again, "I mean, I'm not…" But she still couldn't finish the sentence.
He frowned at her a moment. Then, understanding washed over his face. His eyes went wide and his face went red. "No, I'm not… I would never assume…" He cleared his throat and gestured between them before waving his hands as if to say, 'no.' "I just mean it's a huge honor to have you on board."
Steve cleared her throat. "Well. I just hope I'm the right man for the job," she said, placing a slight emphasis on the word 'man.' Just so they were clear.
She leaned against the hull and gazed out the window.
"Oh, you are. Absolutely." Coulson mirrored her position. "Uh… we've made some modifications to the uniform. I had a little design input."
She frowned. "The uniform?" Surely they couldn't mean to dress her up like an American flag again, not in this day and age. "Aren't the stars and stripes a little old fashion?"
Coulson shook his head. "With everything that's happening, the things that are about to come to light, people just might need a little old fashion."
She took that in with a nod. Then she saw the aircraft carrier on the horizon. Her stomach turned over and her breathing picked up.
This was it. She was going to meet her team for the first time and get a feel for them. She wondered what preconceived notions they had about her. After all, she was a legend. There were books about her, movies about her. What if they resented her for being famous? What if they thought it was all a lie? Or what if they hero worshiped her, like Coulson? How could she effectively lead someone who uncritically accepted all her orders?
And that brought all the other doubts roaring back. She wasn't a leader. She was a kid from Brooklyn. The only reason she'd ever made a difference was because of Bucky and the other guys. They'd been her rock, her foundation.
What if the only reason she'd ever been any good at being Captain America was because of how good the Commandos had been? What if she couldn't do it without them?
For the thousandth time, she wished Bucky were here. And that thought, as always, brought a sharp pang that made it hard to breathe.
She was alone. She had to do this alone.
She took a deep breath and ran her shaking hands down her thighs. Well. She was about to find out if she was worth her salt.
It took about five minutes to land and deplane onto the carrier. Immediately, a red haired woman she recognized as Agent Natasha Romanoff joined them.
"Agent Romanoff," Coulson greeted. "Captain Rogers."
Trying to hide how nervous she was, Steve nodded. "Ma'am."
Romanoff looked at her coolly and said, "Hi," before she turned to Coulson and told him he was needed on the bridge. Then, as Coulson took his leave, she turned back to Steve. "There was quite the buzz around here, finding you in the ice. I thought Coulson was going to swoon. Did he ask you so sign his Captain America trading cards yet?"
That was all it took for some of the nervousness to break. Romanoff wasn't a fan of hers. She was an agent, and a good one, according to her file. She'd follow her orders if they were sound and question them if they weren't. It'd be fine.
"Trading cards?" Steve said, stomach settling.
"They're vintage. He's very proud."
Steve nodded, wondering if they were the same cards she'd seen back on the USO tour. They'd been cheesy and embarrassing, but kids had loved him. She'd signed quite a few back in the day.
Then she saw Banner. Dr. Banner, who looked at nervous and out of place as she felt every single day. She liked him on sight and called out to him.
He turned.
Steve walked over and held her out her hand. Her breath caught a moment as Dr. Banner's gaze swept over her body and a wrinkle appeared between his eyes, but he didn't say anything and didn't get that look of shock that she was so used to.
"Oh, yeah, hi," he said. "They told me you were coming."
"Word is you can find the cube."
Banner squinted at her, disbelief on his face. "Is that the only word on me?"
She smiled at him, feeling sympathetic. It had to be hard, having a monster living under your skin, knowing that it might break out at any moment. Or, worse, having a monster under your skin that wasn't going to break out, but knowing that everyone though it might.
Not knowing her gender wasn't remotely the same thing, but she got how hard it was to have people constantly looking at you like you were a time bomb.
"It's the only word I care about," she assured him.
He nodded and gave her a smile. "Must be strange for you. All of this." He gestured.
Steve blinked and looked around. There were planes and troops running around. It was all very military and, for the first time, she realized she didn't feel out of place. In fact, it wouldn't surprise her to hear Philips bellowing or Peggy shouting orders at someone.
"Well, this is actually kind of familiar," she said, and she couldn't help smiling. Maybe this was what she'd been needing these past few weeks. To be back in the world she knew, serving like she'd always wanted to. Here, all that mattered was the mission. All the other stuff was just irrelevant.
She could do this. Everything was going to be okay.
The new uniform left a lot to be desired. It was clearly based on the USO outfit, rather than what she'd actually worn in the field. That uniform had been comfortable, functional, useful. She'd like the way it had looked even.
This one…
It was too tight around the bust. Even with her binder on, she felt squished and uncomfortable. And it made her waist too narrow. People were going to look at her and know, she was sure of it. Not that it mattered. At least everyone said it didn't matter, but she didn't want people thinking things about her that weren't true. And until she figured out what the truth was….
Romanoff's lips had twitched when she'd seen Steve, and Steve was sure that was as good as a laugh from her. Steve looked ridiculous, and she knew it. How was she supposed to be taken seriously looking like this?
But, she pushed that aside and did her job. Jumped in front of an old man Loki was about to take down. Delivered a speech about the last time she'd been in Germany… honestly, it was all kind of a blur. She remembered fighting Loki and being taken aback at how strong he was. He'd brushed aside the shield like it was a fly, knocked Steve down just as easily and probably would have killed Steve had Stark not shown up.
But Stark had shown up and they'd taken Loki prisoner. Gotten him into the Quinjet without any causalities and….
"I don't like it," Steve said. She'd taken off the ridiculous helmet and pushed her sweaty hair back from her face.
"What, Rock of Ages giving up so easily?"
"I don't remember it being that easy. That guy packs quite a wallop."
"Still, you are pretty spry for an older fella. What's your thing? Pilates?"
"What?"
"It's like calisthenics. You might have missed a couple of things, you know, doing time as a Capsicle."
She looked at him, horrible realizations setting in. The first was that this did man didn't like her. The look on his face and his glib words were not those of a friend and a confidant. He clearly looked at her as a rival. For what, Steve didn't know. There was nothing that Stark had that she wanted, not his money, his fame, his notoriety. Nothing. And what on Earth could she have that he wanted? Everything she owned, from her apartment to her underwear, was provided by SHEILD. Hell, she didn't even pick out her own clothes yet; they'd been there when she'd woken up. She had nothing that Stark could want.
But, worse, he didn't know about her. He looked at her and saw the story that everyone had been told: she was a man that'd been given a serum and become a stronger man. She'd worked with his father and fought Nazis, then been frozen seventy years and, now, was back in the world.
She'd been so sure he would know. All these weeks, she'd read everything about him, everything she could find. She'd wanted to meet him, but hadn't known how to make that happen or even if she should. And when he'd made no move to meet her, she'd just thought… Well. He'd been busy.
It wasn't like she and Howard had ever been close. They'd barely known each other. But he'd been one of the people who'd safeguarded her secret. Someone who, in his own way, had believed in her. Even when she'd been so reckless and gone off to rescue Bucky on her own, he hadn't tried to discourage her. He'd warned her, been honest about what would happen to her if she was captured, but he'd let her do it. Had helped her do it.
She'd just assumed that he would have told his son. That he'd pass on the information because it was… well. Someone should know. Because it was history, even if no one knew it. She'd thought her secret had been passed on and had taken a sort of comfort in that fact.
Hell. She'd kind of hoped that maybe Tony Stark would be the one to bring clarity to her. SHIELD's doctors didn't know what to call her, Fury didn't know. She didn't even know. But Tony Stark was a genius. Surely he'd know. He'd have some words of wisdom. And, yeah, she knew he was flippant and arrogant and self-aggrandizing, but Howard had been the same. Maybe to a lesser extent, but it'd been a different time.
God. She'd been such a fool. What had she been thinking? There weren't any answers. Stark wasn't her salvation. He was just a man with a metal suit and a smart mouth.
She swallowed and tugged at her glove. "Fury didn't tell me he was calling you in," she said instead of… anything else. She didn't know what she was supposed to say.
"Yeah, there's a lot of things Fury doesn't tell you," Tony told her.
That was an odd thing to say. Steve had been out of the ice about a month. This was her first mission. She was just a soldier. Of course there were things that Fury didn't tell her. However, people in on her mission? That was something she should know.
She was about to say something else when thunder and lightning clapped around the Quinjet.
And then, things just got weird.
AN: Movie dialogue comes from and . Thanks for reading!
