Her fingers almost itched. After the fight with Thor, after demolishing an entire forest protecting herself from that hammer, she almost had the urge to draw. Because Bucky had always loved stories about aliens and gods, and this story was real. She wanted to draw it for him, draw Thor surrounded by thunder, his cape curling around him as he flew. She'd wanted to draw the fight between Iron Man and Thor, epic and mythological in its scope. Because Bucky would have loved it.

But Bucky was dead.

She wanted to take the uniform off. Hell, what she wanted to do was take the binder off, because her breasts were aching, and she needed to let them free for a bit. But she was working. And the uniform wouldn't fit without the binder, and she wasn't about to walk around Stark with her breasts free. So, she suffered in silence as Thor explained Loki's plan.

A portal to outer space that an alien army would come through. This was really the future.

Steve still wanted to know why Loki had let himself be captured. Yeah, like Banner said, the guy was crazy, and it was impossible to guess his plans, but still. He wanted to be here for some reason, and until Steve knew why, she wouldn't be comfortable. But, as it was unlikely that Loki would tell her if she went to him, instead, she went to Banner's laboratory. Maybe he'd have some answers.

Unfortunately, Stark was there. Steve had walked in just in time to see him give Banner an electric zap.

"Ow!" Banner said, half laughing.

"Nothing?"

Steve clenched her jaw, a jolt of alarm spiking through her. That was the last thing they needed, Stark making Banner turn into that green monster. They needed to find the cube; surely Stark understood that was the priority right now. "Hey! Are you nuts?"

Stark barely looked at her. "You really have a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?"

This man was nothing like Howard. Steve wouldn't trust Stark with anything, much less something as complicated a secret as herself. She felt the last bit of hope for the future she'd had in her die and wanted to cry. She hadn't even realized how much hope she had pinned on Stark. On Stark being able to tell her what to do with herself. To help her know how to label herself or at least to tell her not to bother with it, because it didn't matter.

"People believe what they want to see," Howard had told her. He'd told her that she'd be fine. And those words had meant more to her than she'd known at the time. They'd gotten her through those first few terrifying days when she'd been sure someone would look at her and see her breasts and hips and just know.

But he'd been certain, and he'd been right. It hadn't mattered because people didn't see.

She needed the same kind of wisdom now. Not the same words, but something. With Fury and the doctors wanting her to and waiting for her to label herself, she needed someone to tell her… something Give her advice. Give her advice that sounded right.

Somewhere along the way, she'd begun to think that person would be Tony Stark. Just because of who his father had been.

He didn't have any advice. He didn't have anything for her.

"Is everything a joke to you?" she demanded, throat tight.

"Funny things are," he said back, dismissively.

"Threatening the safety of everyone on the ship isn't funny," she snapped. "No offense, Doctor."

"It's all right," Banner assured her. And his voice was soothing. Calm. Even. "I wouldn't have come aboard if I couldn't handle pointy things."

"You're tiptoeing, big man. You need to strut."

"And you need to focus on the problem, Mr. Stark."

"You think I'm not?" There was a tinge of exasperation in Stark's voice as he turned on Steve. "Why did Fury call us and why now? Why not before? What isn't he telling us? I can't do the equation unless I have all the variables."

Steve frowned. He'd assumed Fury had called them now because the cube had disappeared now, but Tony seemed to be implying… "You think Fury's hiding something?"

"He's a spy, Captain," Stark said like he was explaining something to a child. "He's the spy. His secrets have secrets. It's bugging him too, isn't it?" He pointed to Banner.

"Uh, I just want to finish my work and…"

But Steve wasn't going to let him get out of this. "Doctor."

Banner sighed. "'A warm light for all mankind.' Loki's jab at Fury about the cube."

"I heard it."

"I think that was meant for you," he said, pointing at Stark. "Even if Barton didn't tell Loki about the tower, it was still all over the news."

Steve frowned, not seeing what Banner was talking about. "The Stark Tower? That big ugly…" At Tony's look, she started to trail off before finishing, "building in New York," a little defiantly. Because, yes, it was bad manners to insult someone's home, but the building was hideous. And Stark hadn't exactly been polite to her since they'd met.

She could hear her mother rolling over in her grave at that thought. She'd raised Steve better than that.

She listened as Banner explained that the tower was running off an arc reactor, which was a self-sustaining energy source. Stark bragged about something and then Banner said, "So, why didn't they bring him on the Tesseract project? What are they doing in the energy business in the first place?"

Which was a good question, and Steve was about to suggest something when Stark said, "I should probably look into that once my decryption program finishes breaking into all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s secure files."

It took a second for the words to make sense. Not because they were unfamiliar, but because she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had to have misunderstood. Decryption must mean something else in the future. As did breaking in. "I'm sorry, did you just say…"

"JARVIS has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours, I'll know every dirty secret SHIELD had tried to hide. Blueberry?"

Just when she thought she'd gotten a handle on this guy, he went and did something else outrageous. Didn't matter if it was something he said or something he did, he was… was slippery. Untrustworthy. "Yet you're confused about why they didn't want you around."

"An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome."

"I think Loki's trying to wind us up." Stark had to get that. Loki was the one they couldn't trust. He was the one who lied and, worse, used the truth to mix people up. Steve had read some Norse myths when she was a kid. Loki was never trustworthy, and everything he said was a barb meant to get under your skin. "This is a man who means to start a war and if we don't stay focused, he'll succeed. We have orders. We should follow them."

"Following's not really my style."

"And you're all about style, aren't you?" she shot back.

"Of the people in this room, which one is, A, wearing a spangly outfit, and, B, not of use?"

She wasn't going to react to that. Wasn't going to give him the pleasure. Maybe, in this room, at this moment, she wasn't of use, but she had her purpose. She was useful.

And screw the outfit, anyway.

Christ, her chest hurt.

"Steve," Banner said, "tell me none of this smells a little funky to you."

She was done. Done listening, done standing her and being talked down to. "Just find the cube," she said and left the room.

"That's the guy my dad never shut up about?" she heard Stark said before the door shut behind them.

She laughed, bringing her hands up to either side of her chest and pressing hard to relieve some of the pressure on her breasts. "Well, Stark, he may have talked about me, but clearly he left something important out." She should go to her quarters and take off the uniform, at least for a bit.

But, as much as she hated to admit it, Stark and Banner were right. Something funny was going on. It wasn't like SHIELD was averse to collaborating with Stark. He was here. She'd bet they'd used some of his technology before. So, if they were into sustainable energy, why not collaborate with him?

And since when was a military operation into energy for energy's sake?

The Red Skull had weaponized the cube. What had happened to those weapons after he'd been defeated?

With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she headed off to find the armory. Maybe she could find some answers faster than Stark's program.


It wasn't hard to find the weapons. They were hidden, but Steve was used to looking for hidden weapons, so it didn't take her too long to find them. It gratified her to know that she had been faster than Stark's computer, but, in the end, it hadn't mattered. She found the weapons, Stark found the files, and Loki had gotten the better of them anyway.

They'd been the middle of arguing about the weapons and their necessity when Loki's men had attacked.

It was easy to put aside anger and distrust in the face of an emergency. She and Stark had gone to engine three and worked together to get it running. It had been easy. To work together, that was. For all the tension between them, once they were focused, it worked. They'd saved the ship, protected themselves from the enemy and…

And lost Coulson.

Lost Banner and Thor, too, but they were probably alive. Just… elsewhere.

But Coulson was dead.

"These were in Phil Coulson's jacket," Fury said once the dust had settled, and they had time to debrief. "Guess he never did get you to sign them." He tossed some cards onto the table.

Steve picked them up. Captain America trading cards, in good condition. They were old. Vintage. She remembered seeing them during the war.

Good condition, except for the blood.

It was never easy losing a man. It tore her apart every time. And she'd liked this man. Didn't know him well, but he'd been affable. Friendly. He made her want to get to know him more.

Or maybe she was just thinking this way because there was no chance of knowing him better now. Loki had seen to that.

She listened with half an ear as Fury admitted that he'd been building an arsenal. But that he'd also been trying to do something more. To build an initiative, the Avengers. That he wanted to bring a group of people together and have them work together as heroes.

It was a pretty speech, but she wasn't in the mood to be manipulated right now. When Stark walked off, she followed.

Her heart was in her throat again as she approached him. She'd taken off the confining outer jacket and was just in the undershirt. Still bound down in her binder, but she thought that her breasts were more noticeable like this.

But Stark was looking into oblivion when she came up to him.

"Was he married?" she asked, not sure what else to say.

"No. There was a cellist, I think."

She let that hang in the air, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry," she finally settled on. "He seemed like a good man."

"He was an idiot."

"For believing?"

"For taking on Loki alone!"

Steve shrugged, not unsympathetically. "He was doing his job."

"He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have…"

"Sometimes there isn't a way out, Tony." Her throat catches, thinking of Bucky. Of herself. Of the men she'd lost along the way.

"Right," Stark snapped, walking away. "I've heard that before."

"Is this the first time you've lost a soldier?"

Stark whirled on her, eyes ablaze. "We are not soldiers!" he yelled.

She raised her eyebrows.

Looking a little chagrin, he added, "I'm not marching to Fury's fife."

And that was her breaking point. She didn't know when Captain America had gotten a reputation for following the rules without question, or at least where Stark had gotten that impression, but it stopped here. She had not lied on her enlistment form five times to be painted as someone who blindly followed the rules. "I'm not either. He's got the same blood on his hands that Loki does. But right now, we've got to put this behind us and get this done." She waited until that sunk in before saying, "Loki needs a power source. If we can make a list…"

"He made it personal," Stark interrupted.

"We can't let that get to us. That's not the point."

"That is the point," Stark insisted. "That's Loki's point. He hit us all where we live. Why?"

She shrugged. "To tear us apart." And Fury was trying to put them back together. To unite them with Coulson's death. She'd thought that'd been fairly obvious.

"Yeah, divide and conquer is great, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us, he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience."

Oh boy, did he ever. "Yeah," Steve said. "I caught his act in Stuttgart."

"Yeah, that was just previews. This is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tilt diva, right? He wants flowers, he wants parades. He wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered... Son of a bitch."

A monument built to the skies with his name on it. Sounded familiar.

"Well, we have a place now," she said. "But you and I… can we really go against him alone?"

"Romanoff probably would be up to round three. She was close to Coulson. Besides, you'll need a way to get there. And Banner will come."

"Dr. Banner?" she said skeptically as she followed Stark out. "I'm not…"

"He'll be there. You get Romanoff. I'll meet you in New York."

"Be careful."

Stark turned and threw her a cocky salute. For a moment, she saw his eyes catch on her chest, and he frowned, but then he turned and walked away.

She let out a breath. That had been close, and now was not the time to explain. She had a feeling that explaining to Stark about her was going to be complicated.

She went back to her quarters and put her suit back on. Then she went to find Romanoff.


The Hulk screamed in Stark's face. Steve thought her heart just might break. After telling Stark that he wasn't the type to lay his life on the line, that's exactly what he'd done. Without question, without hesitation, without thought. She knew he hadn't done it to prove anything to her, but she still couldn't help the guilt that was creeping over her.

Hard enough to lose a soldier. But a civilian…

Suddenly, Stark jerked awake. "What the hell?" he gasped. "What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."

The smile that broke across her face was so huge it hurt. She almost wanted to kiss him, just for the sheer joy of him being alive. But she restrained herself and sat back on her heels. Her side hurt like hell from being hit by the Chitauri blast, and she ached all over. A headache was settling in behind her eyes, and she was beginning to shake from hunger.

She needed food and water and fast, or she was going to be in bad shape. But all she said was, "We won."

It wasn't that she's not used to winning. The Commandos won more than their share of battles. But this battle had been different. There wasn't going to be another one tomorrow and the day after that. It was over. The enemy had been defeated and they weren't coming back to try again. It was a victory.

"All right, hey." Tony was babbling. "All right. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it."

"We're not finished yet," Thor said, looking at Stark tower.

Stark nodded. "And then shawarma after?"

"I'll eat anything right now," Steve said. She hauled herself to her feet and reached down to help Stark up.

Stark pulled himself up.

Steve grit her teeth, trying not to scream as the pain in her side intensified. Her vision whited out for a moment, and the world swum dizzily around her.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Cap." Stark let go of her hand. "You okay?"

She panted and put her hand on her side. "I'm fine. I'm fine. Just…" She swayed on her feet.

Thor caught her. "You need assistance, my friend."

"I'll get it when we're done. First, let's get Loki."

Thor frowned but nodded once. He kept a hand on her shoulder the whole time they made their way back to Stark Tower. They collected Barton on the way, and then Romanoff.

Loki was lying in a hole in the middle of the floor. When they stood above him, he smiled and tried to joke, but none of them was in a joking mood. They took him into custody and led him back to SHIELD, where he was promptly escorted to the detention level.

She watched his retreating back, a haze settling around her. She knew this was bad. That the post-battle cloud was settling over her, and that there were things she needed to do. Food. Water. Medical attention.

All the things that Bucky used to make sure she did. After every battle, he'd been there with one of her special ration bars and a canteen of water. If she'd been injured, he'd make sure she got taken care of.

But Bucky wasn't there anymore. She should… she needed… she had to…

She had to do it herself.

Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder. It turned her away from the detention center and gently propelled her down the hall, away from the others. "Come on, Cap."

"What?" She looked at the man who was leading her to a bank of elevators. "Barton? What are you…"

"You're injured."

"I'm fine."

Barton smiled and shook his head, still pushing her down the hallway, away from the other Avengers. "First, you're white as a ghost. Second, you're favoring your side. Third, Thor told me you almost passed out on the street. You need medical assistance."

"Stark…"

"Don't worry about Stark, worry about yourself. I figured you'd want to get away from the rest of the Avengers before you passed out or something."

"Why?"

He stopped. "Oh, are we playing dumb now, or are you just in that much pain?"

She blinked up at him. She was in that much pain. All she could feel was the pain and the only thing keeping her from giving into it was her confusion as to why Barton was…

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"How did you…"

"I've got good eyes, Cap." He slid his arm around her back and let her rest her weight on him in support.

Exhaustion was overtaking her. "Don't go thinking I'm a girl."

"Okay, I won't."

"I'm not… not transgendered either. So don't go thinking that."

"It's really none of my business, Cap."

"I know. But everyone wants me to say I'm transgendered, but I'm not. I don't know what I am." She laughed hollowly, feeling punchy. "Even in this century, I'm wrong."

"Wouldn't say you're wrong. I'm pretty sure there's more choices than just transgendered and not."

"Doctors haven't said anything."

"Doctors prefer simple categories. Human aren't always so easy to categorize. Can you use the Internet?"

"I'm new, not stupid," she said as they got onto the elevator.

Barton smiled. "Look it up, then. Maybe you'll find something that fits you. Maybe you won't. But don't let the doctors stress you out about trying to fit into a box." He narrowed his eyes. "And don't Fury stress you out, either. You got through the thirties and forties being what you are, right? You became Captain America being what you are. You'll be fine."

She thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "Right. I will be fine." And then her vision whited out again. The world spun around, and she didn't know anything else.