Disclaimer: Good god, I still don't own Sherlock! Why do they have to make me say it all the time?

*sobs in a corner once again*


„John, I need to consult you. I'll even fetch the milk next time; I just need your advice."

"Advice?"

"Yes."

"From me?"

"Yes. Problem?"

"No, it's not, it's just... I feel like one of these stupid agony column-writers for teenagers." A slight smile crossing his otherwise distressed features.

Sherlock did not respond in any way to that remark, too caught up in his own thoughts to think and listen at once.

"Well, anyway, we need to speak about this morning, I need you to know-"

"Sherlock, our fight was 5 days ago. Haven't you got any feeling for time?"

"Really? Pity. Anyhow, what was I saying? Yes, I need you to know that my brain keeps doing things I can't explain. I can't concentrate on anything, really. Not even what you ate for breakfast, if you went to work today, if you still keep Mycroft's favourite umbrella under your bed (I know you do), and so on. There's just nothing, nothing, nothing, always nothing. It's so frustrating... I can't even trust my own brain anymore John. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

"I, I don't know Sherlock, I really don't. I don't believe I can help you, sorry. "

"Well thanks anyway", said Sherlock, who started wishing he hadn't come, because now the part would come in which John would ask-

"Sherlock, there's one thing you could help me with, though"

"And that is?" The taller of the two said, already fearing and knowing what would come.

"We should talk about your time at school, you know-"

"Know what?" Sherlock uttered, playing the naive child he never was.

"About the bullying and all, that must've been awful. How'd you handle it? Did your family do anything to help?"

"My family? " He laughed sarcastically. "No. The only thing I got from them was a good, old-fashioned beating from my father and sometimes even..."
"Sometimes even what, Sherlock?"

"It's nothing, nothing, really. It's not anything of importance; it was just that sometimes ... "He cleared his throat."It doesn't matter John."

Oh, how much John wanted to beat the shit out of the Holmes-senior right now. John wasn't as daft as he sometimes looked. The meaning of Sherlock's words was as obvious like an open book.

"And Mycroft, or your mother? Did they just sit around and pretend nothing had happened all day?"

"Well Mycroft did care in the beginning, but soon he got the job in the government, my only protection gone."

"And mother? She didn't ever give two fucks about my well-being, sometimes she even forgot I existed at all. Until one day, the day when it all began, when he started to force me to... you know. She started to become jealous of me. Her every ill-will was addressed against me. And at that moment she decided to make my life hell. Any possibility of me being happy was spoiled by her and- why do I even tell you?"

Fuck! Fuckedy! Fuck! Fuck! He had once sworn to himself never to tell this anyone, never. What the devil had come over him to just blurt it out like this?

But he knew. The reason stood right in front of him, in form of an almost as devastated army doctor.

John had this strange effect on him that no one else ever had; opening up to him was like revealing deductions of his, he just could not possibly hold back.

"Well, now you know at last." Sherlock said nervously, trying to look as calm and relaxed as one can be after telling a person one of your deepest and darkest secrets.

"Wasn't there anyone, ever?"

"Umm...Well, there was Victor Trevor, my first ever boyfriend. At first he supported me, made the bullies feel stupid, protected me from my father. For once in my life I felt safe. But then we grew apart and he ended up pairing up with my "dear colleges" in school, after mother had screwed things up again."

"I'm so, so sorry. Sherlock?" John said with a sincere and gentle look on his face.

"Yes?"

"Your father should be happy that he's not in the same room with me at the moment, I could fucking kill him!" The doctor said, his usually kind face now turning into hatred itself.

"Too late for that. He already died of a heart attack; 2 years, 4 months, 14 days and-"Sherlock stated nonchalantly, only stopping to look at the clock"6 hours and 12 minutes ago, to be precise."

"Poor, old Daddy never was one for patience, he raged as easily as I can breathe and did as often. No one came to his funeral apart from mother and the priest. It almost brought a tear to me eye." Sherlock said which was followed by another sarcastic chuckle. They seemed to be in fashion.

Sherlock looked and felt like a living corpse right now, his hair an indefinable mass of curls, his eyes black holes into his soul and his skin having turned into a greenish kind of colour. The transformation into a zombie was as good as complete.

Why did Sherlock always have to screw everything up? He sighed; there was no way out of this mess anymore. And soon the part would come that he dreaded the most, better get it over with quickly.

"You seem to still have questions, may I acquire as to what they are?" He exclaimed. There is yet some time left to be spent in blissful ignorance.

"Yeah, something connected to our fight. When you said that-that you loved me?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"You really meant it?"

"Obviously John, why should I lie about such a major fact?" Sherlock said with an eye-roll.

"Oh well, it's just- I didn't lie Sherlock. I still don't love you, are you okay with that?"

That was most likely the worst question he ever received. Are you okay with that? Okay? Really? It was as if asking whether or not Reichenbach had been fun.

Sherlock decided that John didn't deserve a reply and instead just shrugged.

"Can't we just stay friends? Good old times? No one will ever know this happened. We don't need to-"

"No we can't John, we can't..." Sherlock said quietly. "I love you, I can't hide it anymore. Every second that we are not together, every girlfriend you will bring. It will hurt too much to be able to stand. Either you take me or I'll just go..."

Author's note/s: DUN-DUN-DUNNNN! This chapter is a little melodramatic, but fun to write anyway. :)

I had to write loads of dialouge and hope my failure is only limited.

I personally find Sherlock's family and their relationships/ mingles very interesting if it annoys you though, I will keep it at bay.

Hope you had fun and a good day

-creamtea-with-a-madman :D