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Chapter 24
"Lily?" Thomas said, leaning against her closed door.
No response.
"Lily. Open the door."
Nothing.
"Lily!"
Silence.
Exasperated, bruised and tired, Thomas knocked for what seemed the hundredth time.
Still nothing. Infuriating quiet.
She'd been alone in there for about four hours...the sobbing had stopped around 3 hours ago. Thomas couldn't understand her reaction to being rescued; it was bizarre. He'd saved her for God's sake! Tears of relief only went so far.
And now this relentless silence.
She'd locked herself in of course.
Wearily he ran a hand through his hair and winced as the ache in his head sharpened.
"Damn it, Lily," he said, quieter now. "Please. Let me know you're okay."
The other side of the door, Lily sighed. Her hand had been resting on the handle of the door since Thomas had first started asking for her, but she hadn't been able to make herself turn the key.
She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to see anyone.
Just one person.
The one person she'd probably never see again.
That one person whose loss she already felt so keenly that it immobilized her.
She let her hand fall to her side. Eventually Thomas would give up and go away.
. . .
Elsewhere, Samuel fared no better.
True, he had not succumbed to tears like Lily or put his torment into words, but he ached as keenly for her...felt the pain of their parting as deeply.
Outwardly he seemed fine, if a little surly. The men gave him a wide berth all the same but he was careful not to let his mask slip.
Though he seemed entirely focused on his work his mind was constantly on her...wondering where she was and if she was okay, whether she thought of him as he did of her...wondering if she would forget him in time...marry Thomas or some other young man of her class...
At that last thought his hands would clench of their own accord and his jaw would tighten, but soon after he would regain control and the mask would be back in place.
He barely heard those around him and paid them no heed as they went about their work. He felt too empty to listen...as if he was cut off from them.
It was only the bark of his Father's command that got through to him.
"Snap out of it, boy!"
Samuel turned slightly to look at Barbossa with unfocused eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't make me knock some sense into ye, lad, ye know I'll do it," Barbossa growled, looking at his son. Little did the boy know that his father was actually feeling concern – masked by bravado of course, but concern all the same.
Samuel just shrugged, past caring about such things.
"Go ahead," he muttered.
The next thing he felt was a solid smack to the back of his head.
Turning once more he glared at his father who was standing with his arms crossed, glaring right back.
"Forget her," the Captain said harshly. "There'll be another wench at port who'll catch yer eye."
Samuel just scowled. "Stop pretending you care and leave me alone."
Barbossa watched his son turn away from him, watched his shoulders tense and his head bow, and for an instant he stopped being 'the Captain' and became a father.
"Son..."
Samuel blinked, surprised. He never called him that...it was always 'boy' or 'lad'...or 'idiot'.
Barbossa was struggling with an irritating mix of discomfort and genuine worry. He'd never been sentimental per say and so he didn't really know what to do. A manly pat on the back? A talk?
...A hug?!
It was all too complicated – this mushy stuff. That was why he kept away from it.
But, he considered, he'd started now.
The Captain cleared his throat and then walked to stand by Samuel so that they were both facing the water. Neither looked at the other but after a minute Barbossa spoke.
"You'll be alright."
It wasn't premeditated and he didn't lose his usual gruff tone, but to Samuel it provided comfort. Hearing his Father say those three simple words meant a lot.
Of course, his only response was to nod, but the two understood each other.
Samuel stood a little straighter when his Father walked away.
He would be alright.
. . .
Lily heard Thomas walk away and sighed, moving slowly to sit on the bed. Of course the bed they had provided was a lot more comfortable and luxurious than the bed she had been given by the pirates, but it just felt odd to her now. She supposed she missed the familiar creaking of the springs and slight lumps in the mattress...simply because it was a bed she had shared with Samuel.
This wasn't the same.
It didn't smell of him. It didn't have the imprint of his body on the mattress, and even when that had evened out...it didn't have the memory.
She missed him desperately.
Was he missing her?
Lily knew that she should want him to forget...forget and move on and be happy. The problem was, she wasn't that sort of girl. So he should damn well miss her if she was missing him! If he loved her as she loved him – with a searing passion that could not be denied, even for an instant – then he would fight for her and he would find her. He would never forget, and never be happy until they were together again.
Anything short of that felt like blasphemy to her. The very idea of him with somebody else was vile to her and horribly painful.
They loved each other. That should have been all there was to it.
Blinking back tears, she looked around her. In her despair she hadn't taken in her surroundings before but now she saw it was really quite beautiful. Thomas had obviously made an effort with her chamber and turned it into quite a serene and lovely space...but somehow that made Lily feel worse.
She couldn't help not loving Thomas. She couldn't help loving Samuel. That was just the way things were.
The round windows were hung with red drapes, as was the bed on which she sat, and the furniture was simple and elegant. It was just the sort of room that Lily would have raved over before all this, but she was no longer that girl. That Lily would have married Thomas without a second thought and never spared a glance for Samuel, save perhaps to note his good looks...the old Lily would have jumped at the chance to become a Hanley – to be the Governor's daughter... she would never have 'wasted her time' pining away for some pirate.
Lily crossed to the full length mirror in the door of the wardrobe. She barely recognized herself.
Who was this girl with her hair loose and untamed? Curls falling haphazard and free around her bare shoulders? Whose were these sad eyes, dewy with recent tears? Whose was this ripped dress – thin and simple?
She wouldn't have been out of place in a tavern in Tortuga.
Idly she wondered whether Thomas thought this an improvement or an outrage, but it was a fleeting thought, for it didn't really matter.
She cared nothing for what he thought of her, or what anyone thought of her, apart from Samuel.
For a moment, as she gazed into the mirror at her lonely reflection, she imagined she saw him standing just behind her...he was smirking slightly as usual and stood with his hands clasped behind his back. He always stood so straight and proud but his body was angled towards her subtly, as if he was protecting her from anything and everything.
That was how she had felt when he was near or with her. Protected. Funny, really, seeing as she'd been so scared of him at first, and considering he had actually kidnapped her.
Things had changed though, she reflected. Much as they'd fought against it they had been unequivocally drawn to each other.
They'd fallen in love.
Stupidly, irresponsibly, wonderfully in love.
A quiet knock on the door intruded upon her daydreaming and she jumped, her lips turning down into a frown as she glared towards the door.
"Go away Thomas."
There was a pause, and then a familiar voice that was certainly not Thomas's.
"Lily?"
It was Will.
Lily gasped, another swell of tears rushing into her wide eyes as she all but ran to the door, turned the key and wrenched it open.
"Will!" she breathed, throwing herself into his arms.
He didn't hug her back but rather stumbled back, but she didn't notice, such was her relief and happiness. In fact, her emotions must have been effecting her more than she'd thought, she realized as she swayed on her feet. She felt boiling hot all of a sudden and as if she wasn't quite solid.
Will – was it Will? Her vision was blurred – supported her to her bed and picked her up, lying her down gently.
Lily shuddered, wondering what the matter was with her...a sudden, dizzying heat had just gripped her without any warning. The face above her swam and blurred and she blinked, raising both of her arms to cover her face.
What was wrong with her?
She could feel her heart beating painfully fast and she knew something wasn't right but she couldn't do anything, couldn't speak even!
She looked up with wide eyes and suddenly it wasn't Will's face she saw – it was her mother. Her mother was standing there and looking down at her with concerned eyes, the same chocolate brown as her own.
The room was swimming.
"Mother?"
She blinked as the room blurred in and out of focus.
"I'm scared Mother..."
In panic she reached out to clutch one of her lace sleeves but her hand did not come into contact with any material, only skin.
It wasn't her mothers arm she was holding...it was tanned and strong. Again she cast frightened eyes upwards only to see Samuel.
It was a blurred and strange version of her love, but it was him.
Lily had not realized she was crying, and her face was pale as moonlight itself.
"Help, Samuel...I need you...I think – I think I'm...dying."
He said nothing, or nothing that she could hear.
Her breath was high-pitched and difficult.
"What's happening?"
Thomas looked down at Lily as she shook and gasped for breath. He had seen the conviction in her eyes as she called him each name...her brother, mother and – and that pirate.
She was ill.
He moved to push her hair back as it was hanging in her face but she screamed suddenly and awfully.
"No!" she shrieked as she scrambled back, shuddering.
Thomas held out a hand, frantically trying to calm her but she pushed him away.
"Don't touch me! Let me out of here!"
Pale and shaken, Thomas rushed for the doctor, who took one look at the sobbing girl and declared her very ill indeed.
