"Eva!" After some well thought out strategy to find Eva, Dima finally did. She was in a stairwell, sitting on the window ledge and looking outside. Eva looed over but once she saw Dima she turned away again.
"Do you not like me?" Dima was tired of trying to walk on eggshells around Eva. There was no reason to make things difficult, if she didn't like her then she should just tell her. Eva whirled around with a look on her face that said she was about to lose it on Dima.
"Why would I not like you? Because you're throwing yourself at my ex boyfriend and one of my best friends? Because as far as I'm concerned, you're leading him on and he's going to fall for you, and fall for you hard, but you're not going to feel a thing for him? Maybe it's because you're going to hurt him and I don't know how to stop you." Dima was taken aback. She had no idea how to respond; all she could think of was how Eva said Jonas was going to fall for her.
"But that's fine, I'll just sit here and watch the boy I love fall for some girl who doesn't have the guts to admit that she's never going to love him back."
"Wait a second, why are you so hung up on the fact that I won't love him back? Where did you get that from?" Dima had to focus on one thing Eva said at a time to not get overwhelmed.
"You're gay! How can you love him back?" Dima felt like she had been shot in the gut. She had only mentioned her sexuality to Jonas, Isak, Mahdi and Magnus and only Jonas knew her real label. She wanted to know how people came up with this information.
"I'm not gay! I like girls, yeah, but I like boys too. I have the full capability to love Jonas back if that's even a feeling he has!" Dima was angry. Not only was it not Eva's place to tell her she was gay or that she couldn't love Jonas back but she didn't know what she had done to cause as these feelings.
"But why the fuck does he like you? What do you have that I don't? Is it because you dress like a boy, talk like a boy and look like a boy? Maybe Jonas is gay and you're his way of figuring that out! Maybe it wasn't me who had to figure out who I was, maybe it was him!" Eva was yelling; Dima guessed in a few minutes, people would come to see what was happening. But Eva's blow was low and Dima couldn't let it go.
"Look, its not my fault you're insecure in yourself and who you are! Jonas doesn't like me, first of all, and second of all who are you to judge how I dress? I dress how I feel comfortable, I talk how I've learnt, and I look how I want but guess what? I'm a girl because that's what I'm telling you! Just because you think Jonas is keen on someone who doesn't look like you, does not mean his sexuality is different. If thinking he's gay is the only way to make you feel like it wasn't your fault you guys broke up, then fine, do what you want. But don't shit on who I am in the process!" Dima yelled back. She wasn't going to take shit from anyone, especially not someone she thought was an entitled brat. During her speech, a crowd had gathered but that didn't seem to stop Eva from responding.
"I don't know who you think you are, but let me tell you something: back off! I only care about Jonas and how you're going to ruin him! I was good for him! I made him happy!" Eva stopped dead in her tracks. She was breathing heavily but it seemed that she just stopped talking for no reason until Dima saw that she was looking passed Dima, at someone behind her. Dima turned around and saw Jonas staring at the two of them, maybe confused, maybe concerned. Dima wasn't sure.
"Whatever, I'm done, I'm out. I'll find some new friends or something. If its going to cause this much drama then, whatever." Dima looked between Jonas and Eva before pushing her way through the crowd and out of the building. She went and sat on a bench to sit and think about everything that had just happened. She realized within a few minutes that she was sitting on the same bench her and Jonas had sat on the night before. She didn't know what kind of feelings it brought up but she definitely felt something.
"Dima," she heard Jonas's voice from behind her. She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, the most cliché move she could have made.
"I got Eva to tell me what happened. I'm sorry she said all that to you. It was out of line." Jonas apologized for Eva. Dima could see that his hands were shaking in his lap.
"I've had worse." Dima said easily. Jonas put his head in his hands before turning to Dima, angry.
"Why do you say stuff like that?" Dima could tell something was up.
"Like what?"
"You say stuff that reminds me you didn't always have someone who would go to the end of the world for you." Jonas's emotions were flaring.
"I've never had that, I probably never will." Dima looked to her hands.
"You have that right now, he's sitting right beside you." Jonas turned her head and forced her to look him in the eyes.
"I can't do this." Dima pulled away.
"Why?" Dima could tell Jonas was hurt, but it was Eva that had affected Dima that day.
"Look at what just happened. That was because Eva thought you were keen on me. What's going to happen if we start something?" Dima was scared and Jonas could see it.
"Nothing is going to happen. You told me yourself, I can't let her feelings dictate my life and that's what I'm doing right now. Plus, if she sees that I'm happy I'm sure she'll back off. I wasn't with her because she's a bad person." Jonas felt that he had to defend Eva. He knew she shouldn't have said what she did but he also couldn't completely blame her. Dima sighed and Jonas took that as his cue to pull her chin towards him. This time she looked him in the eyes and didn't pull away.
"Okay." She put her hand on the side of his face and then moved it to the back of his head to run her fingers through his mess of hair. Slowly their faces moved closer, both were scared. Scared of what was going to happen after. They had built the perfect friendship but they had also developed feelings they couldn't change. Dima could feel Jonas's breath on her lips. With her heart racing, she kissed him. It felt like hours before they let go of each other and caught their breath. Jonas put his arms around Dima, holding her as close as he could.
"Should we go back to school?" Dima asked, not wanting to go back but feeling like they should.
"No, but I'll tell you what. The party tonight is going to be fun with you there." Jonas smiled. Dima had almost forgot her promise to Jonas. But she was glad she was going, she knew what it meant now that her and Jonas had admitted their feelings, but it was also better than trying to find an awkward time in their relationship for it to happen. Dima smiled at Jonas, prompting him to kiss her again. That was a feeling they could agree they could get used to. They spent hours on that bench, talking, laughing and kissing so often anyone would have thought they were trying to make up for not doing it sooner.
"I'm going to go home and get changed. I'll see you at Isak's?" Dima stood up. Jonas seemed surprised she had to get ready but she was going to a party and after everything that happened that day, she wanted to dress to impress. As she was leaving Jonas grabbed her waist and pulled her back to him, smiling as he kissed her again and she laughed. She just shook her head as she walked away, knowing Jonas was no longer trying to be subtle as he watched her hips sway as she walked away.
"I'm home!" Dima yelled as she entered her family's house. Immediately she was overtaken by two of her younger siblings, three-year-old twins Milos and Lydia. They jumped onto their older sister as they had almost every day she came home. She swung each of them around, making them take turns until they had each gotten their fair share of play before she entered the kitchen where her 16-year-old brother Aleksy was standing with her older sister Daphne who was three years her senior.
"Mom's not happy." Aleksy stated while sitting on the countertop.
"Why?" Dima sighed.
"Because you called and said you were studying with Jonas and then sent a text at midnight saying you were staying over." Daphne responded.
"You know mom, she's overprotective of you guys." Aleksy added. Dima knew her brother and sister weren't trying to defend how overbearing their mom was but just remind her that she should know better.
"Is she working?" Dima asked, trying to think of a way to get her mom to let her go to the party tonight since she was mad.
"Milos and Lydia attacked you, right?" Aleksy laughed and Dima sighed while laughing as well. Their mom worked from home since the twins were still young. She always worked at night so that the three eldest kids could take care of them while she got work done.
"She thinks you and Jonas are dating, so she's going to give you the sex talk again." Daphne called to Dima as she walked upstairs to find her mom in her study.
"Hey mom, sorry about last night. I have a test coming up so I thought I should study as much as possible. I didn't realize the time and Jonas didn't want me walking the streets that late at night." Dima easily lied. Her mother left her research on her computer to turn to Dima. Irena Karalis had her first child 20 years ago, but she was still as beautiful as ever. Sometimes Dima wondered if she had gotten the seemingly ageless genes from her mother and she hoped so. Her mom had gotten pregnant with Daphne at 16 so she was only 36 but after seeing pictures of her mom before she got pregnant, Dima thought she hadn't aged a day. Deep down, Dima thought that was why she put so little emphasis on looks; if her mom looked like that after six kids and her dad still cheated and left, what effect did looks have on love?
"Are you and Jonas having sex?" Her mother asked outright. Dima may have been prepared for the sex talk but she was not prepared for her mother to ask so bluntly.
"Wha-we-no! No." Dima stuttered. Her mother only raised one eyebrow, a habit Dima had picked up from her but she could never do it as well as her mother.
"You spend a lot of time with him, at his house. You never bring him over here." Irena defended her thoughts.
"Mom, Jonas and I have not had sex. We just hang out at his house because it's a little hectic over here." Dima reasoned. Five kids would be hectic enough without two of them being three years old.
"Are you going to have sex?" Her mother seemed to be able to read Dima like a book.
"I-I don't know." Dima couldn't completely lie to her mom, not about that at least.
"I know you've had sex before," Irena started and gave Dima a stern look when she groaned, "but its only been with female bodies." Irena was trying get her point across properly.
"Well, I mean the body is only female if the person says they're female." Dima said, trying more to get out of the conversation than actually correct her mom.
"Fine, only with bodies assigned female at birth. Better?" Irena wasn't going to let Dima get away that easily. Dima sighed and nodded her head.
"Okay, well you know male bodies are different, come with different risks and feelings." Dima quickly stood up.
"You are not leaving this conversation!" Irena tried to stop Dima.
"You know, the guys are actually expecting me at Isak's soon and I have to get ready because I'm going to a party tonight." Dima backed out of the room.
"You're going to a party? Is Jonas going too?" Irena asked.
"I'll say goodbye before I leave." Dima ran out of the room. Dima locked herself in her room to get ready. That night she was dressing to impress considering the day she had. She put on her only pair of black skinny jeans which were ripped in the knees and came up just below her belly button so her naval ring was visible along with a tight cropped tank top that crossed in the front. She put on a large white button up with floral print embroidered on the side along with her Adidas superstars and her glasses. She kept her usual "dad hat" and winged eyeliner but changed out the retainer she had in her lip and replaced it with a stud so her medusa piercing was now very easy to see. She made sure the each one of her many ear piercings had jewelry in them and put on all of her usual rings. She was impressed with how good she looked. Her curly hair had been freshly cut and dyed a very dark blue just two weeks ago, so it sat perfectly on her shoulders and the cream coloured hat contrasted nicely. She threw on a heavy plaid flannel jacket and yelled goodbye to her mom and siblings before leaving the house.
"Holy shit," was all the boys had to say as Dima walked into Isak's flat. She was glad to see that the pregaming was only going to be the five of them and not basically be a party in itself like a few previous times.
"Hey," Dima said as she sat down at the table and paid Jonas for the beer he got her. Jonas smiled and gave her a quick peck on the lips, much to the surprise of the three other guys in the room.
"Not even going to ask," Isak sat down and shook his head. The conversation continued as usual only with Jonas's arm over Dima's shoulder. They were laughing and talking about music, Nate Dogg and NWA specifically when the topic of Isak's possible boyfriend, Even, came up.
"Oh, so he's also pansexual?" Magnus asked, considering he had a girlfriend it wasn't a stretch.
"I don't know." Everyone could tell that wasn't the biggest issue on Isak's mind.
"Just one thing, I've been thinking about a little bit, and sorry if it's rude or anything, but…gays when they have sex. Who's the man and who's the woman?" Magnus asked and Dima had to purse her lips to not laugh at everyone's reactions.
"Dude…" Jonas put his hand on his face, disappointed in his friend.
"What?" Magnus didn't understand the issue with what he had said.
"Funny you should ask, 'cause I was just going to ask you the same about when you have sex, who is the man and who is the woman? But then I remembered you don't have sex!" the entire table apart from Magnus burst into laughter.
"Fuck! Wow, where did that come from..."
"Was it such a bad question? I was seriously wondering, but okay…"
"Magnus, the whole point of it being gay sex is that they're both men." Dima smiled as if talking to a kid and Magnus finally realized his mistake.
"Alright, okay, but honestly…I feel like you're letting him play you, a little bit." Jonas shrugged to Isak. He was his best friend and didn't want him to get hurt.
"Playing me?" Isak questioned. Dima could tell the thought had briefly crossed his mind but never seriously.
"Like, he keeps you going, then nothing happens, and he's still together with that chick." Dima had to agree with Jonas, Even didn't seem like he was really trying to be with Isak, thought Dima did know what it was like when you started questioning your sexuality.
"Yeah…but it's not like I can control what he does." It sounded like Isak was trying to defend Even's actions but he still knew they were wrong.
"But you can! If you like, completely straight up, you send him a text saying "Hey dude, stop this shit!"" Dima raised her eyebrows at Jonas, not sure if he realized that saying that would make it seem like they were friends and not more.
""Yo dude, stop this shit" …Nah, that's not me." Isak looked at Jonas like he was stupid.
"Yeah. Or, maybe not, but…like… "Text me…stop texting me, call me when you've broken up with your girlfriend". Straight up. That's what works!" Jonas tried to convince him.
"And then if he really is interested he's going to get stressed. We've all been there." Mahdi added his two cents into the conversation, trying to help his friend.
"Right! Like, if you've got something going on with a girl, or you just want to fool around with her, and you're not keen on like a relationship with her or anything, but then if she texts you "What's happening? Let's meet. I'm sick and tired of you not being serious." Then it becomes serious immediately!" At this point, Dima started to listen intently, sure she had her fair share of relationships but she had never heard this from a guy's perspective, especially not a guy she had a thing with.
"Yeah, and like, you're getting a slight shock." As Mahdi said this, Dima knew that Isak wasn't sure that this advice would work on boys.
"Exactly. You don't mess with her after that."
"It's worse when she doesn't answer when you text. When you see, she's seen your text like an hour ago," Dima knew it was mean but she kind of wished Magnus wouldn't interject like that. It made her feel bad about his love life.
"Yeah…" Jonas was only trying to not make Magnus feel worse. As they continued talking, Dima kept her eyes on Isak, watching him type on his phone. She was proud of him, that he was taking control as it seemed like Even had most of the control in the relationship.
"I did it. Sent the message." Isak put his phone down. It looked like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
"Not half bad!" Dima could tell Jonas was proud too, finally his best friend stopped taking peoples shit. Within seconds there was a ding from Isak's phone.
"He answered! "What are you doing now, can we talk?"" Isak sounded both excited and scared and Dima couldn't blame him.
"Call him."
"No! Don't call him. Write uh… "chilling at home."" Jonas seemed sure, but Isak not so much.
""Chilling at home"?" Isak questioned.
"Yeah, that's good." Mahdi seemed impressed with Jonas.
"Chilling at home, uh…. call me if-" Isak spoke as he typed.
"No! You want him to call but like, you have to write it in a way that you…don't want it? You get it? So just write "chilling at home" and then done. Chilling at home." Jonas enunciated to get it through Isak's head.
"Chilling at home. Okay. "Chilling at home", smiley?" Dima knew her and Isak were alike. He didn't want to come across angry or disinterested, but Dima was sure he knew that to get through to Even, that's exactly what he needed to do.
"No! Chilling at home, done. Zero feelings. Totally...straight up." Jonas looked about ready to grab Isak's phone and send it himself.
"He's going call." After what felt like hours to everyone in the room, but was really just minutes, there was a ring at the door.
"What's up, did you invite someone?" Mahdi asked.
"No, you're the only friends I've got." Isak stood up and walked to the window.
"Hah!"
"Probably just Eskild. He forgets his keys every fucking…" Isak trailed off, "it's Even."
"Seriously?" Jonas laughed and immediately everyone became alert.
"I'm not fucking around, it's him." Isak started getting nervous.
"It's Even! Come on, we'll go and meet Even, boys!" Magnus started to get up, excited to meet his friend's boyfriend.
"No!" Isak insisted.
"What, why?"
"Seriously, I'm not fucking around. Out! Out, out, out, out, out!" Isak shooed everyone out, making them grab their jackets and beer in a hurry.
"And where are we supposed to go?" Jonas asked as he put his jacket on and grabbed his beer.
"Why can't we meet Even?"
"You can't meet Even! What the hell are you on about?" Dima was hoping everyone would realize how stressed Isak was and not take anything he said seriously.
"Okay, pre-drink outside! You do have a party to go to!" Isak yelled.
"But it's fucking freezing!"
"But we'll see each other!" Jonas pointed out something no one seemed to think about.
"No, you're not going to meet each other, you'll take the back door!" Isak panicked, throwing everyone's shoes to the back door.
"Go, go, go, go, go!" Mahdi pushed everyone.
"Get them, for fuck's sake!" Dima yelled at Isak. They were all at the back door with their booze and jackets, and they were rushing for Isak so the least he could do was hurry and give them their shoes.
"You took my shoe!" Magnus complained.
"Whatever, come on!" Dima pushed everyone out.
"Most important is that we're leaving!" Mahdi pointed out as they ran out of the flat and down the stairs until they got outside.
"Fuck, Even's up there right now. Holy shit." Dima was jumping around outside with Jonas laughing at her. She was so excited she jumped into Jonas's arms and he twirled her around.
"So, uh, when did this happen?" Magnus pointed to Dima and Jonas.
"Today," Jonas admitted. Mahdi let out a massive sigh and looked at the two of them.
"Thank god, man. For a second I thought I walked in on you two going at it this morning." That just caused both Dima and Jonas's faces to go bright red and for them to collectively push their friend.
"Shut up!" They said together.
