A.N. Back to Steve...
I run into the room, having just sprinted here as fast as I can, desperate to find out what happened to her.
"Where's 'Tana?"
Then I see the prominent colour in the room is black and there are tears on so many faces.
"No…"
Tora leans over to me.
"She's alive Steve." She murmurs something that sounds like "barely" but I clutch at the straws.
"Where is she?"
Her head bows and she murmurs something even quieter under her breath. Beast reaches out and touches my hand.
"Steve, she teleported as the cure took place. She's been healed of the Legacy Virus but…"
"But what Hank? And don't give me any stupid scientific babble. What. Is. Wrong, With. Tana?"
Beast tries to look away and Tora gulps before looking me right in the eye.
"Steve, Etana hasn't woken up since we found her in Colossus' room after she went to try and stop him. You have to understand, based on our previous experiences, and Etana's reaction to the virus, her expected day of death was in two days time. The cure may still have been too late for her."
Dread is all that I'm capable of feeling. To have her back and then to lose her all over again… Tora grabs my hands and pulls me out of the room before taking me through the corridors to a room with a row of beds. Only one is occupied and I look around vainly for Etana before I realise that the grey halo surrounding the dark face is Etana. She looks…terrible. Her face is thin, wan and her hair looks like that of an old woman's, not the shining silver it normally is. One hand is resting over the white sheets, fur patchy and skin underneath not much better. Her face is partially obscured by the oxygen mask and her ragged, twisted wings have been carefully laid out around her. She looks…unguarded, vulnerable. Two words that I have never heard used in connection with Shadow. I reach out and tentatively touch her hand. It's cold, but not deathly so. Her chest is moving slightly, and I can feel her pulse. She doesn't respond, the truest, most obvious sign that she isn't awake. Etana, even when asleep, would have stabbed me by now.
"This isn't a sleep, Tora, is it?"
Her head hangs low.
"No."
"It's a coma."
She nods then holds out an envelope with a red seal holding it closed. I frown at her, my eyes asking the question.
"Note for you, from her. She was going to make the sacrifice but Piotr got there first. I don't know if you should read it or not. My letter was about how she felt about me. Charles' was business, how she wanted her body to be disposed of and about mutants in the past, Hank's was telling him not to blame himself. Logan's… Logan's was about his past. About the people he loved and all Etana's notes on the man who did all that stuff to him. He's…not very… Some things are better left alone."
She nods and leaves. I pull a chair over and clasp 'Tana's cold hand between mine.
"Wake up. Please."
No answer. Her face remains as unresponsive as ever. I look down at the letter on my lap, the winged sword stamped into the wax. Etana's personal symbol. Winged, for her wings and a sword for her duty as she put it when I asked. I let go of her hand and prepare to open the letter. Can I do this? Can I read the last thing she ever wanted me to know? Her suicide note in effect. I hesitate then tear it open and unfold the smooth paper.
Dear Discus-Boy,
Don't be sad Steve. Everyone dies. I've lived longer than most so I know it better than most.
About what I said in April. I was lying. But I didn't want to hurt you any more than necessary. I hoped you would come after me, ask me to stay. But you didn't. So I assumed you had decided to let me go. It hurt so much. But I couldn't hurt you. When you were unfrozen, I wanted nothing more than to come and visit you. Start where we left off. But it wouldn't be fair to you. I'd die. I'd die in exactly the same way. So I stayed away, and cried myself to sleep. I was asked once about falling in love. I told them I never let myself fall in love. Liar!
I hope you understand why I did this. I hope you understand why I did what I did. Live Steve. Don't let Death drag you down. For me, it's just the next adventure.
Yours forever,
Shadow
I turn and look at her closed eyes, the serene expression. Then I explode.
"YOU STUPID WOMAN! YOU STUPID, STUPID WOMAN! YOU THINK I CARED ABOUT THAT? YOU THINK I CARED THAT WE MIGHT ONLY HAVE A YEAR TOGETHER? THAT'S LONGER THAN I THOUGHT WE MIGHT HAVE! YOU IDIOT! You idiot…"
And I can feel the slight stain of tears on my face. Did she really think I was that…shallow; that I'd push her away because she was going to die? Or was it her just trying to be kind. We're friends, we meet up every week or so and she seemed to think that I wouldn't be cut up about it, or less than I would have been if she let me tell her how I felt. She lies there, completely unresponsive, dead but for a pulse. And she can't hear a word I say. And she said that she was going to die but she isn't dead. She's alive but I don't know for how long. Then a monitor starts to beep and a previously flat line starts spiking and Beast rushes in.
"Steve, get back. Now!"
I stumble backwards as Hank runs his eyes over all the monitors then turns to me.
"Keep talking! She's responding!"
I don't know what I said, merely that I talked at her for a long time and then she gasps and her eyes fly open and Hank collapses backwards. She looks around, eyes wide with fear and I see an Etana I never thought I'd see. She's scared… She is actually scared. Then she rips the mask off and screams a name.
"PIOTR!"
She's breathing fast, trying to grasp at Hank.
"Beast, Colossus… What happened…?"
"I'm sorry Etana. He's dead."
She slumps backwards and cradles her head in her hands.
"That was supposed to be me… She is going to kill me…"
I step forward, and Hank just touches my hand and steps back. My primary emotion is anger. She's just come back, almost from the dead, and all she can worry about is the fact that someone else made the sacrifice she wanted to make.
"'Tana?"
She looks up.
"Steve? What are you doing here?"
"You told me you'd die today."
"Well I'm sorry to disappoint."
The tone is biting, sarcastic. That tears it.
"WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!?"
I'm vaguely aware of Hank leaving quietly. Etana looks flustered.
"Steve…"
"YOU CAN BE A HERO IN YOUR OWN TIME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUT YOU ARE NOT DYING WHEN I'M AROUND, DO YOU HEAR ME? NO ONE DIES ON CAPTAIN AMERICA'S WATCH!"
She just looks so bewildered, so confused. I point at the letter. Her eyes widen and her mouth opens slightly.
"Ah… You weren't supposed to read that…"
I can't help it. All I can do is kiss her, careful not to bruise the bones in her face where I'm holding her head. When I pull away, she blinks and suddenly gets a familiar glint in her eye.
"If I'd known all I had to do to get you to do that was almost die, I'd quite frankly be suicidal by now."
I can't speak, not to such an offhand remark. Finally, I manage to splutter out my protest.
"Tana…"
She gives me that look. The, 'oh let's tease Steve' look she gets far too often. I swear she makes it her job to annoy me at least once a day.
"Come on Steve. Would you have…what's the slang they use nowadays? Ah yes, would you have 'made a move' if I wasn't dying?"
Fine, she knows me a little too well. I can feel my ears turn red again.
"Oh stop blushing Discus-Boy. Anyone would think I'd kissed you."
"Who kissed who?"
I turn to see Tora leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, an odd look in her eye.
"Please tell me you two are finally going to get together. It's got to the point where I can smell the pheromones and they don't have a scent."
Fine. I'm being lectured by a woman born sixty years after me. This is slightly embarrassing.
"I'll just go and keep the others away, shall I?"
She spends far too much time around Etana. 'Tana smiles at me.
"So, what did you want to tell me?"
"Er… I… I…I…er…"
And I tell her. Three little words I should have said a long time ago.
