AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello everyone. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been kinda busy recently, even though I promised frequent updates, a lot of unforseen circumstances has been delaying me! Anyway, chapter 30 is here and just an adavance warning, it seems a bit ridiculous and out there...but it worked in the game so anyhoo. By the way just to clarify there are some used of words in this chapter that may suggest homophobia, but neither I nor this story are in any way such. They're just used for comedy purposes, like the rest of this chapter.
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Cloud was left wondering what on earth Aerith had meant when she said she had another friend to meet the Don, as she lead him back towards the market area.
Soon Aerith came to a stop outside a dress shop. Cloud looked bewilderdly from her to the shop.
"Aerith, why exactly are we here?" He asked.
Aerith stifled a giggle. "Well, we're here to get that cute friend of mine."
"You know someone in there?" Cloud asked hopefully.
"Not a soul," Aerith replied. "But we'll come out knowing someone!"
Cloud pondered her words for a second. Then it him.
"No fucking way!"
Aerith pouted. "You won't let me go in alone so this is the only way!"
"No, Aerith. No no no and again no!" Cloud snapped. "There is no chance in hell I'm dressing up in drag!"
"But I've already told that guy another girl will be coming!" Aerith protested. "You wanna save Tifa or what?"
"I..." Cloud bit his lip. "Fine, but I'm not wearing heels!"
Aerith gave him a glowing smile. "Awesome! I'm sure we can work that bug out! Let's go inside!"
Cloud muttered angrily to himself as they entered the shop. It was empty except for a bored looking young woman at the counter.
"Hi," Aerith said brightly. "I need a dress please."
The woman sighed. "I'm sorry, but we don't have any dresses right now. My father usually designs and makes them, but he's at the pub now, he says he's got no inspiration!"
"Is there nothing you can do?" Aerith asked sadly.
"I'm afraid not," the woman answered. "All he said was he needed something new and drastic before he would sew anything."
Aerith nodded and walked back to Cloud.
"Well, you heard her!" Cloud snapped. "We're not doing this!"
Aerith's eyes narrowed and she impatiently put her hands on her hips. "If dressing you up isn't drastic enough to get that guy inspiration then he's a lost case! We should at least try!"
"Fine! Let's just get this fucking thing over with!" Cloud grumped. He continued to grumble as Aerith bounded out of the shop, leaving behind a pretty pissed off Cloud and a confused looking sales-lady.
XXX
"Old guy that likes to make dresses huh?" Cloud muttered as he scanned the pub. "I'm shocked he hasn't been murdered yet."
"Oh Cloud, your so goddamn judgemental!" Aerith snapped.
"What? If he's a whoopsie, what are the odds of him surviving in a place like this?" Cloud replied.
Aerith gave a small shiver and crept closer to Cloud. She may not approve of his attitude, but he did have a fair point.
The pub was dark and dingy. Half the tables were smashed or broken and the half that wasn't was splintering and rotting. The decor may have been roughed up, but it was tame in comparison to the patronage.
Aerith felt like she had walked into a scene of some cliche crime movie. Big guys with tatoos and beer mugs. Grizzly looking barmen and a couple of smoking chumps playing pool.
"Did you ever watch that movie Get Rich or Die Trying?" Cloud asked conversationally.
Aerith looked at him sceptically before shaking her head.
"Don't its rubbish! But this looks like a scene from that movie?" He continued as he walked around casually, looking for the dressmaker.
"Who acted in it?" Aerith asked, going along with Cloud's nonsensical chatter to cover her own nerves.
"50 Cent."
"Isn't he a singer?"
Cloud dropped his tough-guy face to gawk at Aerith in wonder. "Singer? Singer? Are you crackers? He's a RAPPER!"
"Rapper, singer its the damn same to me!" Aerith retorted.
"Please tell me the only music you listen to isn't gospel!" Cloud implored. Aerith blushed slightly. "Oh damn!"
"Its really nice!" Aerith tried. "Some of that stuff's amazing!"
"Yeah, yeah. A bunch of life-deprived fanatics hollering hymns all day is really amazing," Cloud replied, rolling his eyes.
"Just because no one else-"
"Shush!"
"Don't you shush me!" Aerith snapped. Cloud shook his head and pointed to an old man dressed in flambouyant colours with a silver goatee with a distinctive curl on the end.
"If he's not a nancy then I'm a super-soldier with a gigantic kitchen knife!" Cloud whispered to Aerith.
"Must you be so judgemental?" Aerith whispered back irritably. Although she had to admit the old dude stood out like a sore thumb.
"Uhm, excuse me sir?" Aerith said as soon as they approached him.
"Darling! Whatever are you wearing!" The man snapped as soon as he turned around. "Pink is so far out this season. And that thing in your hair?! Drekitude!"
Cloud was so overcome with the need to snigger he actually turned and ran to the bar to sit down and laugh. Catching sight of Aerith's shocked face only made him crack further.
"Excuse me?" Aerith demanded. "I came all the way over in to this shithole to find you and the first thing you do is insult my dress?!"
Her voice had reached such a high pitch, Cloud was certain the already cracked glasses were about to explode.
"Well if you look like crap, what do you expect?" The man answered with a shrug. "Well now what is it I can help you with?"
Aerith looked torn between telling the man off for his rudeness or the urgency of their predicament.
"Well, you see my friend over there?" Aerith decided she needed the old codger. Cloud immediately put on the meanest look he could twist his face into and stared openly at a busty barmaids bosom.
"Yeah?"
"Well the thing is...he always wanted to dress up like a girl just once. And he kinda needs a dress, or else it just won't work!" She said desperately. "And nothing of mine will fit him!"
The old man seemed to consider this for a second, then a wild smile split across his face. "Well you'd never say! A tough looking guy like that too!"
Cloud inwardly jumped in joy at the comment. Although his glee was offset by the barmaid catching his stare. She gave him a smile, giving him a glimpse of several missing teeth and began approaching.
"I can see it now! The cut, the shape, the colour! Its all coming to me! I've found my insiration!" The man said loudly, dramatically rising from his bar-stool.
"Well, you'll want to go and get it together now, won't you?" Aerith said, catching Cloud's panicked look.
"Yes! I'll get right to it!"
With that he walked off, looking like a man that rediscovered his zest for life
By this time the barmaid had found her way to Cloud and was leaning over seductively.
"You like what you see?"
No, Cloud thought inwardly. Never changing his expression he looked her up and down.
The barmaid gave a (toothy?) smile. "Strong silent type huh? I like that in a man."
Cloud was just about ready to puke.
"His only silent because he doesn't have the mental capacity to string two words together," Aerith interupted. "Come on let's go!" She said grabbing his arm and leading him out.
Cloud couldn't resist giving the shocked barmaid a wink on the way out.
XXX
"Well he isn't gonna be able to get us a dress in five minutes, so we should probably get some other stuff to make you prettier!"
"You saying I'm not pretty?" Cloud demanded.
"Gorgeous darling," Aerith replied, rolling her eyes. "But a little war-paint is a girl's best friend!"
"Isn't beauty only a light switch away?"
Aerith stopped walking. "That is the dumbest thing you've ever said, and you've said some really dumb things!"
"Cover the face, pump the base! That's what any horny guy would do?" Cloud shrugged.
"Well if you want to go in there looking like a bat, that's your choice!" Aerith snapped.
"I doubt Corneo's a looker anyway," Cloud mumbled. "He probably isn't fussy whether he's doing a bat or not!"
"Come on Cloud next to Tifa, any girl is a bat!"
"Aerith have you seen the girls around here? They're all bats!" Cloud protested.
"Well then I'm sure a pretty girl is a welcome change for Corneo from all the bats! Now quit whining and let's get this shit done!"
"Okay, fine! Now where to from here?"
"The gym," Aerith stated simply.
"I doubt anybody is going to be having anything pretty at a gym of all places," Cloud replied.
"You'd be surprised! Shit usually goes down in the places you wouldn't ordianrily suspect!" Aerith said sagely.
Cloud said nothing as they entered the large gymnasium. It was hard to wrap his head around the fact that the huge men training in here would have anything remotely related to Aerith's scheme.
Aerith boldly stepped up to one man who was pumping iron with some feral grunts.
"Hey, you got anything I can use for my friend over there?" She said conversationally.
The man gave one final grunt and dropped his dumbell. "Depends what he's looking for," he said wiping some sweat from his fore-head. "He looks to be in good shape, but if he wants to bulk up he's gonna need some more training!"
Cloud once more opted to stand back and let Aerith do all of the talking.
"No that's not it!" Aerith said shaking her head. "See he's always wanted to dress up like a girl."
At her words, the gym fell silent. The men surrounded the two of them and Cloud tensed not knowing what to expect.
The man Aerith was speaking to approached him and gave him a scrutinising look.
"Hmmmm, he looks like he could pull it off," he said tilting his head for a better view. "But you'll have to do something about that hair."
"We could give him the wig!" Someon piped up.
"Big brother has the wig!" Another added. "We can ask him!"
The first man looked horrified. "No way! Big Brother promised me I could have the wig tonight!"
Immediately a squabble began.
"Let's get out of here Aerith!" Cloud spoke. "Times ticking, we don't have time for this!"
"What's going on here?" Another voice demanded.
A small built man with features so pretty Cloud would have easily mistaken him for a chick, approached the scene.
"Big Brother! This guy wants a wig, but you promised me I could have it!" The first guy said.
Big Brother shook his head. "I told you whoever won the squats would get it!"
"Well its obvious I'm gonna win!"
"Well if he wants the wig he can try out for it. If he wins," a snicker went through the crowd. "He can have it."
Cloud was a little miffed at the snickers. "I'm in."
Aerith raised an eyebrow at his sudden enthusiasm.
"Its the principle!" Cloud answered her unasked question. "So how does it work?"
"You got 60 seconds to do as many squats as you can. If you make more than Joe, you win," Big Brother replied.
"Let's do this!"
XXX
About 50 seconds later Cloud was having a hard time. His legs were burning and sweating was running down his face. He had managed about twenty, but his opponent was just as bad he was.
"C'mon," he grunted and he bent his legs again. "Just a little more!"
He managed to check his opponent, who had a wide grin on his face, even though it was red and puffy.
Joe managed a single squat and took the lead. Cloud strained himself and managed to keep up but Joe was ahead of him. Suddenly Joe looked as if the air left his lungs, he shook his head in confusion, but it was long enough for Cloud to get another squat in and take the lead.
"Time!" Big Brother yelled. "Sorry Joe you lost this one!"
"No way!" Joe whined.
"Stop yapping. Go train more and maybe you'll win next time!" Big Brother barked. "Well, mister. That was impressive. Here you go!"
He handed over a classy looking Blonde Wig.
Cloud took the wig and stuck his chest out and strutted out of the gym. A smug Aerith right behind him.
XXX
"This fucking thing is itchy!"
"Quit complaining!" Aerith said, sounding utterly gleeful at the thought.
"You better not die tonight Aerith, because when this is over I'm going to kill you myself," Cloud snarled from the changing room.
"Putting on a dress isn't as easy as it looks is it?" Aerith grinned, enjoying every moment.
"I got this! I'm ready!"
"Well step out and let us see.
The door opened.
"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!"
XXX
AUTHOR'S NOTE: lemme just say thank you to every one who has reviewed thus far! We're almost there 100 reviews! Anyway I always thought this scene in the game was kinda ridiculous. Like how much was wasted getting Miss Cloud all dolled up. Tifa could have been deflowered in all that time! Ah well. I didn't go through all the motions as it would have been a little tedious so I left it at that. Anyway thumbs crossed. Till next time! Thanks again for the reviews and keep em coming!
