Dear fanfiction writers,

For the last time, I cannot wield the hammer of Mjölnir. I appreciate your kind stories of my ability to rule Asgard, but I have no interest in such a thing. My duty remains here, on Earth, as an Avenger under the direction of Nicholas Fury and SHEILD. Besides, I'm not much of a space guy anyway. Too quiet.

-Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America

P.S. Has anyone seen my shield recently?