~~P&P~~
Elizabeth laid in her husbands arms feeling so gloriously happy that she felt tears of joy filling her eyes. She gave herself a mental scolding, how could she have been so worried about her pregnancy, it was her duty after all. She knew that most would consider it prudent for her produce an heir as soon as possible in order to solidify her position as Mrs. Darcy, but her and Fitzwilliam did not marry for such practical purposes as most of their class did, they married for love. Her anxiety when she first realized she was pregnant mostly came from her fear that the baby may change things between her and Fitzwilliam, that he wouldn't want her while she was pregnant. She felt the tears in her eyes start to fall down her cheeks, 'must be the pregnancy that is turning me into a cry baby' she thought. Maybe it was the pregnancy that had her so irrational in thinking that Fitzwilliam's feelings and desire for her could be altered by her pregnancy. Actually they had been, she was sure, but not in the negative way she had been concerned about, when this thought went through her head she felt ashamed for thinking so lowly of her husband and felt laughter bubbling in her throat at how utterly ridiculous she had been. The tears started to increase and she couldn't suppress her giggles any longer although they came out sound more like a half sob half hysterics.
Fitzwilliam was leaning over her looking into her eyes in a heart beat, concern etched in his features. "What's wrong my love" he said while one hand gently roamed the side of her face while the other braced him to lean over her on the bed.
"Oh Fitzwilliam I have been such a fool" Elizabeth choked out between sobs. She took a few deep breaths to help compose herself enough to explain. "When I first discovered I was with child happiness was not my main emotion I am ashamed to admit. I was concerned that once you knew I was pregnant you wouldn't desire me anymore and I felt upset that it happened so quickly, like I had been cheated out of our time together."
"My precious Elizabeth how could you have doubted my love and desire for you, you are my life and the fact that you carry my child only adds to my regard" Fitzwilliam replied kindly although slightly pained.
"No my love I never doubted your love, it is just that it had been explained to me that once I was with child that I would not be called upon for my wifely duties" Elizabeth explained.
"Who told you such a foolish thing, I could never keep my hands off you for so long, unless it was necessary for your wellbeing of course, but even just now you should be resting but after fearing for your life and then finding out you carry my child I could not help myself. We should speak to the doctor before we make love again just to be sure" Fitzwilliam explained.
"My mother told me when she had her pre-wedding talk with me, although now that I think about it I should have known better than to trust anything she said because she was certainly wrong about how things would be between us. Now that I have had some time to settle my thoughts I am so happy and I already love this baby" Elizabeth said while bringing her hand to rest over her womb. "You haven't had as much time to reflect is there any thing that is giving you some anxiety, it would make me feel better to know I am not the only one that worries."
"I love you so much and I too love this baby but I am sure not in the same way you do it still feels abstract, perhaps once I feel the babe move it will feel more real. My fear is only for your well being, I do not know how I could go on if something were to happen to you, I had a taste of that fear earlier when your fainted and I swear it would kill me to loose you" Fitzwilliam confessed as he fought the tears that entered his eyes at the thought of loosing her.
Elizabeth could see the emotion in his eyes and she reached up and kissed his lips tenderly. "I am sure everything will be fine Fitzwilliam. I am young, healthy and strong, of all the worries that have been going through my mind that is not one of them, and if the worst were to happen you would find a way to go on for our child's sake."
"I don't think I could," Fitzwilliam began then fought the emotion that was boiling within him. "My mother died shortly after giving birth to Georgiana and my father was never the same I think he only lived for us as soon as I was old enough to take care of Georgiana he faded fast, but he was never the same father he had been before. He could barely look Georgiana in the eye and not just because she looks so much like my mother, I think he resented her, that there were times where he would have traded her life for my mother back if he could have. He tried to do the best he could for her and I know he did love her in his own way, but he was never as loving to her as he was me when I was young. I was essentially her father long before he passed."
Elizabeth rose to place light comforting kisses along his face. "My love, do not borrow trouble, hopefully that will never be an issue you need to face but if the worst should happen you will need to remember that our child or children if it happened with a latter birth is a part of me too and love it with everything you have, or else you will answer to me in heaven when your time came" she said. "And what is this business of not making love all week until the doctor returns, I don't think so, I am fine and I need you, the doctor would have said something if he thought it unsafe, surely" she continued changing the subject.
"I just want to be sure, I feel guilty that I let my pleasures over rule my sense earlier you should rest, at least for a few days, perhaps I will ride out and speak with him myself in a couple days" Fitzwilliam answered.
"Knowing you, you will have a few dozen questions for him too, try to keep it under ten, my love" Elizabeth teased.
"No promises" he replied. "I know it is customary to wait awhile before telling anyone about a pregnancy, but I think we need to tell Georgiana. She is so worried, she is probably pacing down stairs waiting for me to come down so she can see you."
"I agree we should tell her. I forgot to tell you with everything that's happened, I got a letter from Charlotte today telling me she is with child and asking me to come for her confinement. The timing would be perfect to stop in and see my family before we go and tell them in person about the baby. It was actually Charlotte's letter that made me realize I too was with child. I may tell Jane I don't know if I could keep this from her for so long even if I would prefer to do so in person" Elizabeth said.
"I could always write to Charles and invite them to Pemberley for a visit, and when would we be travelling and are you sure you want to tell your mother in person" Fitzwilliam asked.
"I know my mother can be a lot to handle but this is happy news I am sure she will be excited but bearable since I am her least favourite daughter. It will be much worse for Jane when her time comes and heaven forbid her baby Lidia. It is three months until her confinement begins so we could leave two weeks early and visit my family first. I love you for offering to bring Jane here but I do not know if we should inconvenience them, they are newlyweds as well"
"I am sure they would like a reprieve from your mother, but we can think about it for awhile we have time. Are you sure it is a good idea especially now in your condition, between the travel and being near my Aunt I am not so sure" Fitzwilliam asked.
"I refuse to let your Aunt prevent me from being there for my friend Fitzwilliam, and I am not that week, the doctor says the illness should start to lift by then so it would be the best time to travel before our babe is born anyway. It will be sometime before we are able to travel again." Elizabeth replied.
"Very well, I see you are determined, I will begin making plans, as long as the doctor agrees" he stated firmly. Elizabeth nodded her head to the compromise. "I will help you dress and move you to the sitting room so that I can retrieve Georgiana and we can tell her the good news together."
"I can call my maid if you want Fitzwilliam."
"Force me to admit that I am prolonging having to leave your side, I want to be with you every second and I am not so proud that I can not humble myself to assist my wife" Fitzwilliam replied.
Elizabeth giggled "I am at your mercy" she teased.
Twenty minutes later Fitzwilliam was heading down to retrieve Georgiana, he asked a maid he saw on his way to freshen Elizabeth's room for her while they were in the sitting room on his way down.
Elizabeth was picking at the dinner that Fitzwilliam had brought up earlier that they had forgot about when Georgiana ran into the room and dropped to her knees in front of her "Lizzie how are you feeling" she asked.
"My dear sister do not worry, I am well" she smiled as Fitzwilliam came to stand behind her and squeezed her shoulder gently as a sign she should continue. "I am more than well actually, I am, I mean we are" she corrected looking up at her husband as they smiled at each other lovingly "overjoyed." Georgiana looked confused. "You are going to be an aunt" Elizabeth explained as she brought her hand over her womb, funny how that motion seemed so natural to her less than 24 hours from discovering her pregnancy.
Georgiana's eyes went huge in understanding "truly?" she questioned. When Elizabeth nodded Georgiana flung her arms around her and hugged her tight.
"Not so tight Georgie I need to breath" Elizabeth said as she returned the hug.
"I am so sorry, did I hurt you, did I hurt the baby?" Georgiana asked the panic in her voice rising.
"I am fine, I was only teasing, neither the baby or myself is that fragile. I have a feeling that I will need to constantly remind both you and your brother that over the next eight months."
"I will do whatever I can to help sister, even if that means reigning in my over protective brother at times" Georgiana said while looking up and giving her brother a sly smile.
Fitzwilliam felt himself suddenly overcome by all the days events and realized how blessed he was that everything turned to the positive. He fell to his knees and hugged the two most important people in the world to him, well three, he supposed.
