Barry groaned. Everything hurt. He tried to remember what happened, but everything was fuzzy. Suddenly everything was back in a flash(XD). He remembered finding out Savitar's identity and then trying to kill himself to save everyone.

Was he dead? He didn't feel dead. He opened one eye a bit to pear through. He sighed. Shit. He was at Star labs. That meant he was still alive. They probably didn't have Star labs in heaven.

So, they must have found him to soon. How was he going to explain, why he did it? He couldn't tell them he was Savitar. They would hate him. He tried to close his eyes and fall asleep again, but he was fully awake now. He couldn't face them. He opened his eyes fully now to look around the room. Great he was alone. He sat up. Now he just had to speed out of here, before they realised he was awake.

"Don't even think about it." A stern voice sounded from behind him. Damn, Joe was here. Barry thought about speeding away anyway, when he suddenly saw the meta cuff. Great, now he was trapped here and without his speed he would never get away.

Joe stepped in front of him and looked at him with a half angry and half hurt face

"What were you thinking Barry? Why would you try to kill yourself? You could have come to us, with whatever was on your mind. We don't want to lose you." Joe said, his voice cracking slightly.

Barry just looked away, trying to push his feelings down. He couldn't do this right now. He couldn't talk to Joe about it, because he knew once he got out of here he will try it again. He still deserved to die for everything he had done, or will do to them.

"Barry, please talk to me." Joe begged not liking Barry's silence.

But Barry was still inside his own head, with his thoughts turning darker every second, not acknowledging Joe's presence at all.

Barry was already plotting how he could still save his family and friends. He still doesn't want to die, but it is the only option to save everyone. He knows how devastated everyone will be, but he needs to protect them, even if they hate him for it at least they will be alive. Now that he thought about it. Maybe he should write a letter to explain his reasons. Perhaps that would help them overcome their grief once he was dead.

Barry was pulled from his destructive thoughts when he felt someone shaking him. He looked up. Joe was looking at him with tears in his eyes. "Barry please tell me what is going onĀ», he begged.

Barry couldn't handle looking at Joe anymore. It hurt him so much to see Joe this devastated. He knew the others won't be much different once they knew he was awake. Quickly he looked away, trying to push away his own tears. Then he lay back down onto his bed and closed his eyes. He didn't want to have to deal with this all anymore. A lonely tear ran down his face and then he fell back asleep.

Leonard Snart didn't get offended easily. He usual had quite a thick skin. But this was just too much. He couldn't believe it. This was the third heist he pulled in a week. Which was quite unusual for him, he usually liked to lay low after a successful heist.

The first heist had been nothing special. His sister, Mick and he had robbed a precious diamond. Nothing unusual. The only thing bugging him was that a certain scarlet speedster hadn't shown up. He was always looking forward to their banter and it made it so much more interesting to plan a heist with the additional challenge.

As soon as he was in one of their safe houses. He started to plan another heist. On his own this time, because he hadn't seen the speedster in ages and if he was honest he did miss him a little even though he was offended for him not showing up last time. Maybe he had been busy? His sister had laughed at him and told him he was like a child throwing a tantrum for not getting what he wanted.

He didn't listen to her and two days later he pulled of his second heist.

Red didn't show up AGAIN. He was annoyed and starting to get pissed. So, a few days later another heist took place and Barry didn't make any appearance. Now he was angry. He was deliberately being ignored by the Flash. He hadn't shown up to either heist he had pulled and Len was fuming. No one would take him seriously if not even the Flash bothered enough to at least try and stop him.

So, Len made a decision. He will pay Barry a visit and demand some answers. He would get to the bottom of why the Flash wasn't showing up to his heists and if he found out that Barry was ignoring him on purpose. Well. If that was the case, he wouldn't want to be in the kid's place.

Joe was at a total loss. He didn't know what to do. It had been five days, since Barry had tried to kill himself and he hadn't spoken a word to either of them since. The entire day he was either sleeping on his bed at Star labs or he was just sitting there staring into space, not even acknowledging their presence. Caitlin had put some meta human cuffs on him as soon as he was healed. It had taken him an entire day to heal from the injuries he did to himself. After they had put the cuffs on him, they cleared the whole room from anything he could use to harm himself. They basically locked him into that room, but there was always someone with him, even at night. But he never talked.

Flashback

Joe was wondering where Barry was. He had been gone for a half an hour already. He should have been back already. He decided to phone Cisco to see if he was busy as the Flash.

"Hi Joe, what's up" Cisco greeted.

"Hi Cisco, do you know where Barry is? He kind of ran out on us and I was wondering if he was busy as the Flash."

"Wait a minute. I am going to track the suit to see if he is at the lab. Uum. That's funny. His suit is at his apartment. He never takes it home with him. I guess he got tired."

"Thanks Cisco."

After he had hung up the phone. Joe had a feeling that something wasn't right. It was his parental intuition that urged him to go to Barry's apartment right now. Why would he go home, instead of coming back here? And why did he leave in a hurry anyway? Something wasn't right.

20 Minutes later Joe arrived at the apartment. He knocked. Nobody opened.

"Hey Barry, I know you are here. Come on kid open the door."

No response. If he hadn't been worried before now he definitely was. He took out his spare key for emergencies and slowly opened the door. The apartment was dark.

"Barry are you here?"

When no one answered he slowly started to check the apartment. Maybe Barry was already in bed. He peaked into the bedroom. No Barry, but his Flash suit was lying on the bed which explained why Cisco tracked it here. Suddendly he saw the light in the bathroom.

He knocked. "Barry are you okay?" No response. "I am going to come in now Barry, if you don't answer me" Joe threatened and slowly opened the door.

His eyes winded in shock. Barry was lying in the bathtub; the water in it was red with his blood. His skin was nearly white, his lips had a light blue touch and his eyes were closed.

"Oh no Barry." Joe cried out and ran to the bathtub. He quickly pulled him out of the freezing cold water and ran into the living room. He checked Barry's pulse. Thankfully there was a slow heartbeat. Quickly he ran into the kitchen to grab some towels. He pressed them onto his stomach. Barry groaned and tried to push his hands away. His eyes opened a bit. "No Joe just let me die" he mumbled and then he was unconscious again.

Tears started to build in Joe's eyes after hearing those words. Quickly he pushed his emotions down, he couldn't get emotional right now he had to save Barry first. After thinking for a few seconds he pulled his phone out and called home.

Wally picked up. "Hey Dad what's up? Did you find Barry." He said cheerfully.

"Wally, I need you at his apartment right now. Please hurry." Joe said and hung up.

He had barely hung up when Wally walked in.

He saw Barry on the couch and his eys widened. Barry had been his role model for the last months and they started to do a lot together. "Dad what happened to him" Wally asked his voice quivering.

"I will explain later, we have to save him first. I need you to get him to Star labs as quickly as possible and then go get Caitlin. You know where she lives. We have to hurry, I don't know how long he will survive."

Wally grabbed Barry and sped off.

Thankfully Star labs was only 5 minutes from Barry's apartment, so Joe quickly went over too.

Caitlin was already there working on Barry when Wally speed in with Cisco and moments later was back with Iris.

"What happened to him Dad? Did Savitar do this?" Wally asked fearfully.

"I don't know what drove him to this. But he tried to kill himself." Joe whispered looking down onto Barry's limp body.

"No way, he would never do that. Not with Savitar still around. What if he was attacked?" Wally said not really believing that Barry would do something like this.

"He awoke for some seconds, he said and I quote: No Joes just let me die. So, I am quite sure he did it. I found him in his bathtub and the knife was lying next to it." Joe said with a frown.

"What happened. He was fine when he left us. Why would he do this to us?" Iris whispered. Silent tears where running down her face and she was clutching Barry's lifeless hand.

A heavy silence settled in the room, when all of them started thinking, what reason Barry had to try and kill himself.

"I think I managed to stabilize him. He will pull through" Caitlin said into the silence.

"Oh, thank god" Joe said with a sigh.

"He will probably be sleeping until he is healed. Those were some grave injuries and I am giving him nutrients over his IV. His healing already kicked in and he probably will be fully healed in about a day. I cuffed him to the bed with some meta human cuffs so he won't be able to just run off when he is awake." Caitlin told them.

"Well, let's wait until he wakes up." Iris said, still looking shell shocked that Barry apparently tried to kill himself.

Joe was glad they had put the cuffs on him, because as soon as he was awake he tried to flash away. Since waking up he had been in a depressed state and nobody could get through to him not even Iris. They were slowly running out of options to try and get him out of it. He wasn't eating or drinking either. So Caitlin still let the IV running with fluids and she had inserted a feeding tube. They had to hold him down for that. And he had tried many times to rip it out, so now someone would have to stay with him all the time. They didn't want to cuff both his hands.

Joe was spending all the time he could spare in Barry's room. Iris would come visit once a day, but he could see she was struggling hard with his suicide attempt. It didn't help that he wasn't talking to anyone. It was getting to much for her to handle.

They didn't even know the reason he tried to kill himself. He had seemed normal when he left their home. Something must have happened. Cisco had tried to find out where he had gone to when he left the house. But he couldn't track him.

He looked down at Barry who was sleeping. He looked so young when he was asleep. He had been having some nightmares since he tried to kill himself. He always woke up screaming. But he still wouldn't talk. Joe was at a point where he was hoping for a miracle to bring his son back.