Chapter Six
Broken
"You're sure I can do this," I asked uncertainly, hiding behind Jove timidly. Down the sidewalk further on was a night club, where people were walking in and out, most of which being college students. Apparently this was a hotspot for college club parties.
Jove handed me my pair of gloves easily, smiling at me charmingly. "Oh you can feed from a human no problem," But he knew what I meant, "Not so sure about them living though. We're going to practice mind controlling, though, and hasty feeding. You want to avoid contact as much as possible; the less you have, the less of a psychic bond you'll have, and the less risk it'll be a bond you won't want sticking with you. It's pretty unavoidable to gaining these bonds with every touch, but if it's only a temporary short touch or feeding, it won't really stick in your mind too prominently."
I prepped myself, putting on my gloves as though it were cold outside and rubbing my hands together. Because I could feel Jove's confidence, I felt confident myself that I wouldn't snap and hurt someone. But already I could smell the blood, very different from the vampire blood I'd been drinking, in the distance. I fought back my fangs that were beginning to itch their way from my gums. Jove grabbed my hands and rubbed them lovingly. There wasn't the warmth and electricity of our touch though because of the gloves, and I pouted.
"I know," Jove chuckled. It wasn't because he wanted me to stop feeding on him that he was taking me out to try feeding from a human tonight. Mostly it was because I didn't want him to be my blood bag for the rest of his life, but also he had a fear that he'd be hurt or killed and wanted me to be able to survive on my own with my sanity intact. He also wanted me to have practice with controlling the minds of humans so that I could move about the Earth without causing too much problems. I didn't like thinking of him not being with me, even if I was too afraid to admit loving him, I hated thinking of not having him in my arms again or pressing his lips against mine.
"You're distracting me," Jove told me teasingly, looking at the exit of the club waiting for a straggler; someone who was alone and not careful. I smiled and thought clearly of a rather naughty situation Jove and I had been in previously before coming out tonight. He briefly thought about doing this feeding another time, and I hit his arm as if he were the one being bad.
"Now is perfect, I'm ready to try it," I told him and pointed at a man who moved away from a group of exiting humans to turn down the side of the club building. "What do you think he's doing walking by himself down a dark alley?" I didn't understand how people who watched movies ever did this.
"Probably going to piss on the side of the building," Jove told me and I made a face, making him shrug. "If you gotta go, you've gotta go." He wanted me to feed from this person anyway. It would be an easy feed, quick and harmless. I rolled my eyes and followed Jove slowly; we were walking as humans. We passed the exit to the club and Jove turned in midstep slowly to pull me close to him, kissing me sweetly so that I smiled. We would appear as lovers, disappearing into the alley for some private make-out session.
When we were out of site, we moved down the alley further until we were in site of the man who was zipping his pants up, stumbling due to excess alcohol. Jove was correct as to what he was doing down here. Still, you'd figured I mean… watch a horror movie sometime? The man turned around to see us and frowned because we had stopped and were looking at him carefully.
"What the fuck are you lookin' at," He snapped suddenly, "You two love birds get the fuck outta here if you want to keep those pretty eyes." I frowned, turning my head to look at Jove. The man smelled horrible, but still under the lack of hygiene was that very appealing aroma of human blood. Against my own will, my fangs had already extended.
"He's rude," I told Jove humorously. I felt a little dangerous and for some reason it felt very good.
In a flash of moment, Jove had moved from beside me to pin the man against the wall without effort before biting into his neck hungrily. He didn't drink much at all, not wanting to risk it in case I lost control when I fed from him, but mostly wanting to scare the man for his rudeness towards us… particularly me. I could feel from the short contact the distaste of the mind bond Jove felt from this man, which was partially a good thing because it would mean I'd be less focused on the man's mind. But what I didn't account for was the man's scream which Jove had muffled within half a second with his hand.
"You'll need to practice your mind control now," Jove told me soothingly. He was unable to do it himself, but he'd tried enough before that he knew what was required. I knew that Jove wasn't sure if I'd have the same disability having the same mind invading powers as him, but something told him I would be able to control minds being that I was the key to immortality after all.
I moved to the man quickly, who was struggling furiously but wasn't fazing Jove at all. "Okay," Jove said to me, "Remember, you need to want what you're ordering. You feel what you want in the words and you force it through them, almost like a spell. The more specific you are in your wants, the easier the results will come." I nodded. Though I felt I would have been panicking at this situation, being so close to the human did something strange to me. The blood under his skin was calling to me, drawing me in dangerously, but I had to keep him quiet for Jove.
For Jove.
"Be quiet. Be still," I ordered sharply almost without realizing it. The feeling was… amazing. The amount of control I felt in those orders while they reached through the man's eyes and into his brain… he went rigid and silent instantly. I felt that control, similar to the psychic bond of touch, but not as pressing. It was like turning on a light switch. I could turn it off whenever I wanted, but also… I could just leave it on and never think of it again.
"Perfect," Jove said quietly, moving away. He was impressed but also I could feel something close to fear through him. It was a fear of possibilities… of what I could do if I actually tried. I hesitated. I didn't want Jove afraid of me. And then he wasn't anymore because of my own concern for him. "Sorry," He told me, "Go ahead and feed. Remember, try to keep to the surface, you don't want to keep the bond for too long or else this man will be in your head for the rest of his life."
I thought about hesitating… for about one second. And then almost without my own permission, I was bending the man's head to the side sharply and biting into his neck hungrily. It wasn't what I expected, which was something similar to feeding from Jove. It was… vicious. There was something about the man's mind that made me hate him; the flashes of rage in him that resulted in abuse, his lack of respect for people, and even his sick fear of me as I fed from him brought me a different kind of pleasure. The blood was… it was like I had been starving my whole life and was finally getting my first meal. There was no guilt, only me pushing away the thoughts of this man's anger and the pain he caused to his family and innocent people.
And then I was stuck. I couldn't let go of the blood, even though I could feel Jove trying to remove me. I couldn't stop even though I wanted his mind to stop being in mine. I wanted his mind to shut up and leave me in peace with the blood. I wanted him to shut up. I wanted his mind to go away.
And then it was black for him.
I backed up so roughly that I wasn't prepared for myself and ended up slamming myself against the opposite alley wall. I was… oh wow, I was in ecstasy. I rubbed my skin as if I were trying to rub lotion into my soft flesh. There was warmth like an alcoholic buzz that was caused by the blood. It was extremely satisfying, to say the least. But then I was beginning to feel Jove in me, distracting me from myself. He was worried and uncertain of how to deal with it… he was disappointed in himself.
I opened my eyes and looked at him as he stood in front of me, waiting for me to gain my senses. "I did something wrong," I told him, rather than ask. I could feel it, but I couldn't realize exactly what until I looked past him and at the limp dead body of the man I had just fed on. It was a jolt of horror that followed. I had just killed someone after all this time of being a vampire. I had thought I could do this as I did with Jove; harmlessly. But when I fed from that man I was a different person; angry and guiltlessly hungry. I had felt dangerous like a tiger looking at its pitiful prey before snuffing out its life.
"Hailence," Jove called carefully, holding my face in his hands as I began panicking, "Calm down. I know, I know. It isn't your fault, it's hard, I know." I wasn't feeling any better. I was horrified with myself. I had done it… I had killed what was left of me. Every promise I told Mikel… myself… broken and dead like the man on the ground in this alley. I felt mortified, stunned into a silence at what a different person I was now.
Jove pressed his forehead against mine, pushing away the cold silence with the warmth of the bond so that I could hear him clearly through me. "You can't think you're weak or a monster," He told me soothingly, trying to comfort me from the pain, "I don't know one vampire who hasn't slipped and hurt someone. It's near impossible to keep your head at first, I know that." There was a flash of his first kill which I'd seen before already, reminding me that even Jove who now could feed without a problem also couldn't control himself for years after he'd been turned.
"I only had Katha, who wanted us to destroy humans," Jove said to me, "You have me. I'll help you, Hailence." I blinked, trying to focus on Jove only so that I wouldn't lose my mind completely. We needed to leave. The message was clear in his head; he was worried we'd be caught here, that people would see us and it would travel to the Council which would lead them to us. I let him lead me away from the scene.
When we were alone in a room as the sun was rising, I moved to the bed where it was clear in my heart that I wanted to be alone even though it hurt Jove. And I forced myself to sleep for the first time in weeks.
