I sat down across from Crowley, with the chess board already set up in the middle and Rowena already off to the side. Nobody spoke for a bit. Crowley and I were examining the board. I was white, he was black. I think Rowena was just waiting for one of us to speak first.

She couldn't take it, though, and finally spoke up. "So, Kylie," she said, her voice just a little tense. "Where have you been?" I moved my leftward night two spaces forwards and one right.

"Here, mostly." I said, watching Crowley.

"Here as in this cabin or here as in America?"

"Both."

"And you took up witchcraft as a hobby?" Crowley moved one of his pawns forwards two spaces. Conservative move. He was going to try and draw the game out.

"Lucifer tried to kill me." I explained. "He… He kind of threw me out in the cold when I wouldn't do what he wanted. The literal Arctic cold. I had to adapt or, well… die."

"And so, during everything with God and Amara you were, what, just hiding out?" She asked. "Running from Lucifer?"

"No." I moved my other knight to mirror the first. "Wait, hold on. This is going to make this whole conversation more than a little easier." I put my hand on her head, focusing on the memory spell I'd cast the first time. I knew a few new tricks, now. I could easily remove the enchantment I'd cast on her earlier now.

"What are you doing?!" Rowena asked, trying to move away. I was faster, though.

"Commemini." Remember.

I removed my hand, and she sat in absolute shock and silence as the short wave of memories I'd blocked from her came crashing through her mind. "Are you certain that was the wisest idea?" Crowley asked, moving another pawn forwards one place.

"At this point, I've given up." I said. "Everyone has seen me. What point is there to keep Rowena in the dark now?"

"You erased my BLOODY MEMORY?!" She shouted, turning to me in anger.

"Technically I just altered it to forget me in particular."

"And YOU!" She shouted at Crowley, not quite done just yet. "YOU LET HER?! YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?"

"Mother, please." He said. "You wanted to know the truth, here it is." Rowena looked from me to her son, fuming quietly before settling back down, a new question overtaking her.

"How did you make it that specific, and afterwards remove it so easily?" She asked. "Is it a part of the," she took a moment, trying to get something straight inside her head. "Angelic grace inside of you? You have angelic grace within you?"

"No, yes, and we'll come back to the angel grace part later." I said, moving one of my rooks all the way out to the edge of the board. Then I took a deep breath. I needed people, now. I couldn't run from them forever. I needed help, and I needed to face my fears.

I told them both everything else that's happened, only omitting what I had to under Men of Letters protocol and what I felt I couldn't quite trust Rowena with. I explained about college, explained leaving, and talked about why I'd come back.

"So, you work for the Men of Letters now?" Crowley asked. At this point, he had me down one rook, five pawns, a knight, and was chasing my queen. Meanwhile, I had both of his rooks, three pawns, and a bishop.

"Yeah. It's kind of nice." I admitted, examining the board closely. I didn't want to lose my queen, but at the same time I didn't really want to end the game either. "I've got backup, now. I've got a friend that I hunted with back in London. I have access to the best collection of information in the world." I smiled a little, deciding to move one of my pawns to a defensive position for the queen. "I even had a job, a real job outside of this life, but also alongside it. I finally just… I don't feel as though I'm as much of an outcast for this, now. All I heard from Sam and Dean was that… That I was a traitor, that I was such an awful person for this." It felt good to finally say it all out loud. It felt good to finally acknowledge all that had happened, and that I was moving past it. "I have support. I have help. I have, just… opportunities. Possibilities. I have a future with what I do."

"That's…" Rowena thought for a moment. "It sounds as though you're really coming to terms with everything, and making life work for you. I can understand, witch to witch," she put a hand on my arm. "The struggles of being accepted for who you are and what you chose, and I'm glad that you have found a way to be content with it." She sounded almost a little wistful as she spoke.

"Thanks." I said, happy for a moment. I'd figured it out, for the most part. I'd figured out a way to be who I was in an environment where I didn't have to be ashamed of it, but instead could make it useful and wanted. Crowley moved one of his leftover pawns as well, a placeholder move to see what I would do.

"So if everything was so great for you in London," Rowena asked. "Why come back here to America?" That was one of the parts I'd omitted, my current assignment. Crowley moved to take one of my pawns, waiting as well for me to answer.

"Work." Definitely the truth, definitely what I was doing. Just…. Extremely vague. "I'm here to learn and get better."

"They don't have any witch connections in London?" I shook my head, moving my queen to a better defensive spot.

"The focus of the Men of Letters there originally was to create a safer area where they would be at a greatly reduced risk of coming in to conflict with witches, vampires, werewolves, ghouls, ghosts, etcetera." I explained. "I'm there because I kind of circumnavigated every warding or protection that they had set up against witches. Think of me like a very, very well-treated spot inspector." I thought. "I helped them get better ideas for what to do, and made it so that I could still get around in the process."

"Impressive!" Rowena exclaimed. "I knew you had talent! I could tell the moment I saw you, and look! I'm never wrong about these things, you know."

"Yes, mother, we get it." Crowley muttered, rolling his eyes before turning back to me. "So what do you plan on doing now?" He moved his other bishop off to the side of the board, the piece gliding easily across the black squares.

"I'll go back to work, I guess." I said. "Training. Avoiding Sam and Dean and Castiel. Bringing back information. Maybe at some point I'll settle down with a job again with it. Just normal life for me, I guess."

"Normal life? In witchcraft?" Rowena laughed. "Sweetheart, you're the farthest thing from normal now." I turned, looking over at her.

"And I'm certain you have a different choice in mind, don't you?" I asked.

"Well, I'd hate to impose my own ideas," she said. "But you could always lead your own witch coven."

"You already told me this story." I reminded her. "When you first trained me. The Mega-Coven. Girls only, no boys allowed."

"It's just a thought." She muttered, giving a little harrumph with it. I turned back to Crowley, moving my queen to take his bishop in another move.

Why did you give her back her memories? Crowley's voice, in my head, quiet and curious.

She was here. She already saw me. It was the most convenient option. Both of us watched the board, figuring out what sort of endgame we wanted. Speaking of which, why was she here?

Healing you was not a feat I would have managed on my own. He moved a pawn another step closer. I wanted to ensure that the damage to you was not permanent.

Do you think she'll tell anyone I'm still alive? I snagged his bishop, smiling just a little. I had a plan in mind. I could take his king now in maybe three moves.

Doubtful. He waited for a while, examining his options. You intend on leaving her with the knowledge that you're alive?

She could be useful.

She could be a pain in the ass.

That's also true. He moved his queen down closer to my side of the board, but I couldn't see it being in any sort of position to take a piece. However, it was keeping my king trapped to three rows of movement, which wasn't something I liked. I decided to abandon my three moves plan, watching to see what he was doing.

I think I'm just done hiding. I finally admitted. Done wearing disguises. Done pretending that who I am is shameful. I want to be me, as a person, without feeling the need to be anyone else.

Then what about seeing Castiel?

I didn't answer him at first, just kept staring at the board as though it may give me answers. Finally, though, I had to say something. He's better off without me.

Have you seen him as of late?

Yes, actually, I have. I fought off the memory of Billie dying, but it still surfaced, and I knew Crowley saw it too. He has the Winchesters. It came out like a bitter sentence in my mind. I moved one of my rooks so that it could defend the king if necessary, but kept my queen closer to his side of the board. If I was there, things would be worse.

Things are bad without you.

I can't go.

Why not?

Because there's another reason why I have Rowena remembering who I am.

"Are you two just going to sit in silence forever?" Rowena finally interrupted. She couldn't take it anymore, I guess.

"We're engaging in a riveting game of chess." Crowley stated. "It requires patience. I don't believe that is one of your virtues."

"A demon, talking about virtues." I laughed a little. "What a world."

"So what, I'm supposed to sit here and watch and wait?" She asked. "Kylie, you had me remember for a reason, I can feel it. What is it you want?"

"I need to know a spell." I said, watching as Crowley moved the same pawn forwards.

"I thought you didn't need me."

"This one requires a second person."

"Don't you usually kill your seconds, mother?" Crowley commented dryly.

"What do you need, dearie?" Rowena asked, ignoring her son.

"I need to know how to look at a soul." I moved my knight randomly, hoping it would throw Crowley off guard. He just moved a different pawn forwards.

"Why exactly would you need to do that?" Crowley asked. Rowena looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"It's important." I said. "We think that there may be a problem with it emerging in the UK." I'll tell you later.

"Well, what do you need?"

"I need to know how to see whether or not a part of a person's soul is deteriorating." I answered. "And how to determine the cause."

"That's a very delicate thing to look at, a soul." Crowley pointed out.

"I know. That's why I'm asking for help." I said, taking the pawn he had just moved with my knight.

"It's also not something that witches do." Rowena added. "Removing a soul and putting one back, that's something we could do, albeit with extreme caution. But even then that would take a witch with almost a century of practice and failures to get such a process right. However, just looking at one in general without removing it and putting it back in…" She shook her head. "Not to mention trying to determine a rate at which it's fading away and what may be causing it… That's not something I could do, nor do I know any witch that could."

"Demons look at souls." Crowley pointed out, moving the original pawn forwards. "We take them, anyways, and we have to know whether or not one is actually there. Important for demon deals. And we can technically put one back in a body."

"Can you look at the rate of deterioration and determine a cause?"

"That would require a deal." He said. "One soul to learn about another. And it would be extremely painful for the person in question getting their soul looked at." He leaned forwards, examining me now instead of his chess board. "Whose soul are you wanting to look at?"

"I can't tell you." Mine. Crowley stayed as he was for a moment, every part of him completely still. Rowena didn't notice, though. She thought for a moment.

"You would need an angel if you didn't want to make a deal." She finally said. "Angels work with souls as well. They can physically touch one with the most skill, sometimes to siphon power or to find any imperfections."

What did you do? Crowley finally asked. What did you do to damage your soul?

"No." I shook my head, avoiding answering Crowley's question. "I can't get an angel. They'll tell Castiel."

What did you DO?

"Then you either make multiple deals with demons, or you wait a century," She said. "And risk killing thousands in the process of practice and learning."

WHAT DID YOU DO?

"Fine." I muttered. I'll tell you without Rowena. I focused on my king for a moment, and knocked it over. "I concede." I smiled, offering Rowena a small nod. "There are other matters that we need to discuss now. It's been great seeing you, Rowena." I meant it, mostly. It hadn't been bad, and she had offered helpful insight. "I guess it goes without saying that if you tell anyone I'm alive, I'll find you."

"And what, you'll kill me?" She asked.

"No, I'll make you forget again." I said. "You're aware of the kind of power I have. I could alter your memories, like how the Loughlin's could." That scared her, I could see. Not just that I could, but that I really would. I mean exactly what I said in a factual manner.

"Of course." She said, offering a faux-laugh with it. "Why would I think any different?" She got up, looking around for a moment. "I think I ought to see myself out, then. I have nothing else to say to my lying son for now."

"Have a nice walk." Crowley encouraged, sarcasm dripping from his voice. I rolled my eyes, standing up next to her.

"How's Reno sound?" I asked her. Before she could answer, I put a hand on her shoulder, and she was gone. Crowley stared at me, putting my king back up.

"Keep playing." He ordered. "We have more things to discuss."