Chapter 12

The antibiotics finally started to kick in…and by Wednesday the doctors felt like they had finally turned a corner.

It had been a long, hard struggle…almost a week…and during that time Alyssa had barely left Kelly's side.

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She did manage to get home for a few hours on Monday afternoon…long enough to grab a longer, hot shower and get some clean clothes.

Then she sat down with the boys…

She told them that Dad was really sick right now…but the doctors were giving him lots of medicines to try and get him better. She told them that once Dad got moved out of the ICU…the part of the hospital where they had the sickest patients…then they could see him.

"Can't we talk to him?" Andy asked. "Or Skype?"

Sometimes they Skyped with Kelly when he was just overnight at the firehouse…why couldn't they get a laptop at the hospital?

"Because Dad's sleeping…" Alyssa told him carefully. "The doctors want him to sleep…because that's the only way he's going to get better. Once he's past the worst of it…they'll wake him up…and then you can talk to him. He'll be so happy to hear your voices."

Andy turned this over and over in his head.

There was something weird. When Uncle Matt had been in the hospital for a long time…he didn't sleep all the time…and Dad had taken him and Jesse to visit a bunch of times. There was something the grown-ups were hiding from him…and he wanted to know what.

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Jesse was more worried about how Dad got hurt.

He asked Uncle Matt…and Uncle Pete…and Uncle Jose over and over…what it was like to be in a real fire. Not like when their house got on fire and Mom carried him and Andy out in blankets with their eyes closed…but to be there to do your job.

He wanted to know if they got scared…that was what he was worried about the most…whether or not Dad was scared.

Uncle Matt sat him down.

"We're all a little scared, Jess. You never know exactly what you're gonna find when you go into a fire…you never know if the stairs you just went up are gonna be there when you gotta come down…if something's gonna fall and you have to get out of the way…a lot of things can happen."

"So what do you do?" Jesse asked.

All that sounded pretty scary to him.

"We work together…that's why you have five and six and seven men on a truck and four men on a squad. You watch each other's backs…two in…two out. That's the rule. And we have radios…so we're in constant communication with Chief outside. We tell him what's goin' on inside the structure…and he gets us the tools we need…like a ladder outside a window."

Casey took a deep breath.

"You know being a firefighter's dangerous, Jess. Your dad…me…all your uncles have told you that right along. But we do our best to keep each other safe…just like you stick up for Andy and he does for you."

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While all this was going on…while Kelly was just hanging on…Darren Chesnick succumbed to his injuries.

Chief came over to the hospital to tell Alyssa.

He gently led her out into the hall…and Benny wasn't sure what was going on…so he followed them.

"I just got word…" Chief began. "I just got word that Chesnick passed."

Alyssa looked up at him…blinking her eyes uncomprehendingly.

"We knew it was inevitable." Boden said. "It's amazing how he hung on as long as he did."

"Heaven and Hell were probably dukin' it out as to who had to take him." Benny said with a hard edge in his voice.

A tortured sound filled the air, and the two men snapped back to Alyssa. She was starting to crumble to the floor and Boden grabbed her by the arms.

Not knowing what to do and not wanting to cause a scene in the hall…they quickly ducked back inside Kelly's room. Benny cast an anxious glance at his unconscious son.

"It's not fair!" Alyssa keened. "I wanted him to suffer!"

The words hung in the air. That wasn't like Lyssa at all…she wasn't vengeful or vindictive.

"Lyssa…" Benny said in a futile effort to calm her down. "I'm sure he did…I'm sure the last week was no picnic for him…"

Even if that's not what he was really and truly feeling…it seemed appropriate for the moment.

"Bullshit!" Alyssa snapped.

That was another uncharacteristic trait. She rarely cursed…

"You know as well as I do that third degree burns kill the nerve endings…and there's very little pain!"

Her brown eyes flashed…and neither Benny nor the Chief had ever seen her get this worked up.

"He got off too easy! He destroyed people's homes…their businesses…he killed eleven people…God knows how many more he put in the hospital…and he tried to kill my husband! Whatever he went through…it's not enough!"

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It was a lot to be dealing with…Kelly…the boys…poor Maggie…Alyssa felt like she was on the verge of losing her mind…of just breaking into a million pieces.

She could barely eat…and she probably wouldn't if Ingrid Mills, Jeanne Craddock and Cindy Hermann didn't come in every day with food. And they sat and watched her eat…just to make sure she got something in her.

She slept most night curled up in the recliner beside Kelly's bed. The nurses looked at her sympathetically…they tried to encourage her to go home…to sleep in her own bed. But in a strange, horrible…almost sick way, she slept better at the hospital. The now familiar blips and beeps of the medical equipment were almost a comfort…proof that Kelly was still there and more or less in one piece. And if something changed…if his heart skipped a beat or even something as small as the IV infiltrating…an alarm went off and she was immediately awake and present.

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She was dozing in the chair when she heard her name.

"Alyssa?"

The voice was familiar…yet unfamiliar at the same time.

"Alyssa?"

She opened her eyes and uncurled herself slowly. She turned to face…her mother.

"Ma? What are you doing here?"

Alyssa was immediately on the defensive. That was the last thing on God's green earth she needed right now…to be dealing with her mother going on and on about how this would have never happened if she'd married a nice boy from the neighborhood. One nice boy in particular…who Nadine Boungiovanni refused to believe the truth about.

"Jimmy and Nicky both told me what happened…"Nadine said in a soft, gentle voice that seemed totally unnatural. "I've been trying to get up the nerve to come all week."

Nadine…trying to get up the nerve? That woman was nothing but nerve.

Alyssa's eyes darted around the room. This had to be some kind if joke…or any minute Rod Serling was going to appear and tell her she'd entered another dimension.

"What are you doing here, Ma?" she asked again.

Nadine took a cautious step toward her daughter.

"I came to…see…if…there was anything…anything I could do…to help you." She said hesitantly.

What? What had she just said.

"Help? You want to help?" Alyssa asked incredulously.

Nadine drew a ragged breath. This was harder than she had thought it would be…but in all honesty…nothing short of what she deserved.

"I've thought about what you said to me, Alyssa. About pushing everyone away. And now you've got all this going on…and I thought you could use your mother."

"I do need a mother…" Alyssa conceded. "But not the way it's always been with us."

"Your brothers told me, Alyssa. Jimmy and Nicky…they tell me about what's going on with you and with Joey…and Tony. The six of you sound like you've made a real family…and I should be a part of it."

"Not if you're gonna try and undermine our lives. You got all bent outta shape the last time we talked about disrespect. Well, it goes both ways. When you slam Kelly and spew about how much better my life would have been with someone else…someone who was not even an option, by the way…you disrespect me…my marriage...and my family."

Alyssa hugged herself…like she was trying to physically hold it all together.

"Kelly and I are married almost ten years, Ma. Ten years. We've got the three most amazing kids…and right now it's all falling apart." She said. "I don't know what's gonna happen later today, or tomorrow…or the day after that. Kelly might never be a firefighter again…he might have permanent lung damage…he might not be able to see!"

Nadine stood there…not knowing what to do. She wanted to hold her daughter…to comfort her…to tell her it would be okay. But she didn't know if Alyssa would let her. She didn't know if she had the right.

"For whatever it's worth, Alyssa…I've been praying for him. I do three Rosaries every day. I go to Mass every morning. I know it doesn't sound like much to you…but it was all I could think of."

Both women's tears were flowing freely now.

"You were right…you chose your husband…and if you've been together for ten years…and the life you have…what I saw, even if I didn't want to admit it…and what your brothers have told me. He must be a good man, Bambina."

Her mother hadn't called her that…the Italian word for 'baby girl'…in thirty-five years.

The two took a few cautious steps toward each other.

"He is, Ma. He's the best…and he's gonna be okay. He's gotta be. 'Cause I don't know what I'd do without him."

They were close…close enough to touch…but Alyssa could see Nadine struggling…struggling to break through that last barrier.

Suddenly the flood gates opened up…and Alyssa collapsed into her mother's arms.

"I love him, Mama…I love him so much…it hurts how much I love him."

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Kelly felt like he was coming up to the surface after a dive. He was coming up fast…too fast…and he struggled to stay focused. He was slowly becoming aware of things…and things were not right.

He couldn't move for one…his arms and legs felt like they were encased in cement. He focused as hard as he could on his right hand…willing his brain to connect with whatever made it move. If he could just move his hand…if he could just get some control…

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He heard sounds…faraway…muffled at first…not unlike being in the water. But slowly they became a little clearer. A lot of beeps…a hiss…a puff…Alyssa's voice.

Alyssa's voice! He had to get to it. He gave up on his hand and refocused all his energy on the sound of his wife's voice.

"Kelly…c'mon, Baby…it's okay…c'mon back…"

I'm trying…his mind screamed. Just keep talking! Keep talking!

"I love you…I love you so much…c'mon Baby…I'm here…"

I love you too…he kept repeating over and over…but his own voice wasn't coming out…just some guttural sound deep in the back of his throat.

What was in the back of his throat? Something weird…something that didn't feel like it should be there.

"Kelly…Andy and Jesse want to see you…Maggie misses you so much…they all just want their daddy…"

His kids…where were they? Where was he…that they missed him?

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Then the pain hit him. A deep…sharp pain in his side…like what he imagined being stabbed with a red hot poker would feel like. Rough, jagged, tearing, searing…pain.

The beeps got faster and louder…and something tightened around his left arm. Something squeezed so hard it distracted him momentarily from whatever was going on with his side.

He had to get over it…he refocused on Alyssa's voice. She'd explain all this…she'd help him understand. She'd fix all these things that weren't right.

"Easy, Honey…it's okay…it's okay…I'm here…right here…I'm not going anywhere."

Then he felt something soft against his cheek. Something stroked his cheek…

Alyssa! He'd know her touch anywhere…her voice and the feel of her fingers against his face. Yes! He took a deep breath…at least in his mind he did. His body, for whatever reason, wasn't cooperating.

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"I'm here, Kelly…you're gonna be okay…everything's gonna be okay."

The pain…pain like he couldn't remember…the weird feeling in his throat…the heaviness of his right arm…push…push past all that.

He felt Alyssa's tiny hand slide into his left…and he felt a gentle but firm pressure. She was there…no doubt about that.

"C'mon, Baby…c'mon…it's okay…I love you…"

Over and over she kept saying it. And that was that Kelly clung to…like a life line.

How he wished he could just pull three times and Mills and Capp would lift him out of whatever this is.

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His eyes felt heavy…like they had weights on them…but he managed to open them a crack.

Light…he saw light.

A little bit more…more light…fuzzy.

He blinked a few times to bring it all into focus.

And he turned his head to the left…just a little…because something poked his neck.

There…there she was. Her face right beside his…her beautiful, beautiful brown eyes were staring right into his. Her dark brown hair was falling out of the clip that was supposed to be holding it back. And she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life.

She leaned forward…and placed her lips tenderly against his forehead…and she gave his a soft, gentle kiss.