Chapter 8: Revelations
The meal had served her well, and Alice awoke well rested in the early evening. A heavy pile of fabric was sitting on one side of the bed, and she soon realized it was a bunch of different coats. She smiled wryly and dug through them trying to find the one that fit her the best. She found one that was a deep grey-green, and delighted to see that it was such a "classic" pirate coat – the kind she had always dreamed of having. Leaving the rest in a pile on the floor, she stuffed a few rolls in her pockets and walked to the table. Elizabeth was sitting perched atop some storage crates near the back, gazing out of the stern windows. She turned to look at Alice.
"Have you slept at all?" Alice asked, genuinely concerned. Elizabeth shrugged and then eyed the girl's outfit.
"So, are you a pirate then?" Alice sighed at the question. "Was everything you told us just a story?"
"It's… complicated."
"Disgusting," Elizabeth glared with as much loathing as she could muster. This annoyed Alice.
"First of all, weren't you the one who was completely obsessed with pirates?" Elizabeth's eyes widened and she opened her mouth, but Alice continued. "And, now that you're surrounded by them, you're – what? – hiding out in a cabin?"
"They're not human!"
"They are human! Just cursed. Second of all, to answer your original question, that word encompasses far more than just people like them. Being a pirate means not being afraid to take control of your own life, choosing your own destiny, and having the strength and fortitude to overcome any trials, or remove any obstacles, that block that path. So, yes, in that manner, I am a pirate." Elizabeth's eyes were still wide, and she stared at Alice as though the girl had sprouted a second head. "Well? Anything else you'd like to add?" Elizabeth just shook her head and Alice stared at her for a moment before rolling her eyes and turning to walk out onto the deck.
The sky was indeed cloudy, yet the late afternoon light was brighter than she expected, and she could finally get a good look at the ship and the crew. She could really see now how the entire ship, sails and all, had been dyed or painted black, and the crew looked gruffer, yet less menacing, in the bright light. As she wandered around the capstan, several people cast glances her way, but they didn't try to bother her like they had done the previous night. Mostly they just ignored her, but Pintel and Ragetti strode right up to her. Ragetti greeted her with a friendly smile, but Pintel gave her a bit of a mocking one, and she glared at him in a childish manner which made Ragetti chuckle, earning him a dirty look from his comrade.
"Would you like that tour of the ship now, miss?" Ragetti asked with bated excitement. Alice lit up; she had almost forgotten about the earlier offer.
"Absolutely!" she beamed and Ragetti let out a huge smile. He looked up and quickly looked down, turning away slightly, clearly trying to hide his glee. Alice turned around and looked up at the sterncastle. Barbossa stood at the helm eyeing the trio, and he gave Alice a small nod and a smile. She smiled back and then turned around to see Ragetti still trying to hide his face, Pintel looking at the captain as though he had gone a touch mad.
"Let's get on with it, miss," Pintel said with a sigh. "We've got to get all the lanterns lit before dark."
"Enough of this 'miss' stuff," she groused lightly. "Just call me Alice. And not 'Miss Alice' either," she added as Pintel opened his mouth. He closed it and rolled his eyes.
"C'mon, Alice," Ragetti said with childlike excitement, and he began with the deck itself, including the galley in the forecastle, lighting lanterns off of the one they carried. From there Alice was shown the gun deck, which wasn't too exciting, but Ragetti offered to show her how to load and fire a cannon at some point. Next they went to the crew quarters, which mostly consisted of layers of hammocks cramped in tightly. The stench was quite strong, but Alice knew she would likely have to get used to that. They made their way down to the lower deck, which was divided into the ship's stores, the magazine, and the brig. Pintel stomped the floor with one foot, telling her she didn't want to see – or smell – the bilges below. They wandered back up to the main deck. Barbossa was still at the helm, and Alice's guides returned to their stations as she climbed the stairs.
"Quite a beauty, isn't she?" Barbossa asked.
"That she is," Alice responded with a smile before leaning on the starboard ballast looking out. The sea was now a greyish teal, and she had never seen waters so clear, even with the reflection of the clouds abstracting the surface. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the sea air, exhaling pleasurably. Barbossa chuckled and she turned to look at him.
"There is a look that men get about them when they gaze upon the wonder of the sea, but so few have that deep twinkle that ye currently display," he laughed more to himself than anything. "'Tis why I knew I could never be a landlubber." Alice walked over to him slowly, smiling.
"I've loved the sea for as long as I can remember. I grew up in her embrace, and it stirred my soul in a way that nothing could ever compare to. I've never been able to stay away from her." Barbossa smiled knowingly while nodding.
"Aye… To survive out here takes that deep love and devotion – something I think far too many sailors forget. If ye take her fer granted, she will show her merciless wrath. Like a woman," he laughed loudly, again to himself. Alice couldn't help but giggle.
"Thank you, by the way… For the coats," she grinned and he barked out another loud laugh.
"I had Masters Pintel and Ragetti find every spare coat aboard this vessel." Alice laughed, remembering Pintel's annoyed face earlier. "Can't have ye freezing to death," he winked.
She climbed the crates that sat in front of the helm and sat there cross-legged, looking out at the crew below and the glimpses of sea around the heavily mended black sails. The sun was steadily making its way to the horizon, and she watched the transitioning colours of the clouds.
"Isla de Muerta! Isla de Muerta off the port bow!" came a call from the crow's nest, which was repeated by another pirate clambering down the rigging.
"Master Mallot, take the helm!" Barbossa yelled out, and a man with long hair the colour of straw ran up and took over the wheel. Alice stayed on the crates, watching Barbossa command his men. "Bring 'er in, but not too close," he instructed the helmsman. "I won't brave the reef, not before low tide when we can see it. We lay anchor just before dawn." The man nodded and Barbossa walked to the port ballast looking out. "That is, if it first don't sink back down to hell from whence it came…" Alice caught him say and she climbed off the crates, making her way over to his side. Looking out she saw a black mass of land in the distance. Barbossa continued to stare at it, deep in thought, and Alice took in the details of his weathered face. Feeling her eyes on him, he turned to look at her, and she could see concern in his eyes, though he said nothing. He looked at her for a moment before turning his gaze back to the distant island. They watched in silence as the sun set, the sky turning inky, before the captain shook whatever thoughts consumed him and turned to face Alice once more.
"I believe I mentioned yer need to know yer way 'round a sword," he smirked, obviously trying to take his mind off of things, and Alice smiled excitedly. "Come," he said, and she followed him. He stopped before the stairs and turned to a dreadlocked pirate who stood nearby. "Keep a watch, Master Koehler, and keep the men up here. Alert me when it's time," he said, and the man nodded as they proceeded to the gun deck. It was dark, but they lit a few extra lanterns until it was sufficient. Barbossa handed her a cutlass, and Alice found the weight of it considerable, almost dropping it immediately. He showed her how to hold it, followed by various stances that would make her movements more fluid. They had to pause several times as Alice's arm was growing tired, and Barbossa laughed, telling her he couldn't help her with that. "Ye haven't quite the strength, but that will only come with practice. But when ye master maneuvering a cutlass, ye'll be deadly swift with a rapier," he smiled. They worked at it for a long while, until Alice grew hungry and wanted to take a rest. They sat on the floor and she tore into one of the rolls from her pocket, something which amused Barbossa greatly. He laughed when she pulled out another and she grinned sheepishly.
"At least yeh were smart enough to stash 'em away," he smiled.
"You did warn me about the scarcity of food, and I wasn't about to let what I could help from going to waste." Barbossa reached into his own pocket, and produced a green apple.
"I, too, have been preparing… Fer the day when I can once more indulge in such pleasures."
"What are your plans, after the curse has been lifted?" she asked, curious to know how a man given a second chance at life would choose to spend it.
"In the long term? Nothin's fer certain. In the short term? Eat an apple," he grinned before barking out a laugh, and Alice chuckled. The fact that he was serious made it all the more amusing to her.
"Any reason, specifically?" she asked, gesturing towards the fruit. He inspected it thoroughly, turning it over in his hand as he spoke.
"If e'er ye ask a man what he would eat, if given only one meal, ye'd receive a long and lavish list of delicacies. I would've given the same. But, being not able to taste a single thing fer so long, I found myself dreaming of what I would, if I could. And the one constant that remained, no matter how many times my fickle mind changed, was the simple delight of a crisp, green apple. Amazing, what ye take fer granted, especially the simplicities." Alice nodded, holding up the remnants of the roll she was eating as an example. Barbossa chuckled. "So ye know." She finished and laid back on the rough wooden floor.
"What now?" she asked.
"We wait. The waters 'round Isla de Muerta are plagued by some of the most menacing reefs in all of the seas. As such, they be the grave to many a fine ship… And many more men." Alice turned to look at him as he lay down beside her, gazing at the dark clouds through the grill above. "The fog'll be moving in by now, obscuring the island completely from sight. It'll still be there come dawn, but the black rocks will stand out fine enough." He heaved a sigh.
"You seem worried," she said softly.
"Aye. Ye ever get that sense of foreboding before something big is to occur? As though something has to go wrong, as it seems to be such a dream?" Alice couldn't help the snort that came out as she chuckled darkly, and he turned to face her.
"I'm all too familiar with that feeling," she said lowly and he eyed her a moment before looking back up. He was silent for a time, lost again in his thoughts. Alice watched the clouds thin out in places, exposing the odd star or two before covering them once more.
"Yer far too young for the darkness ye carry," he finally said quietly.
"As much as life is the same, it's also much different where I'm from."
"It's something more than that. Ye've known greater pain than ye let on to. Most would not see it, and those who did would take care to ignore it. Ye've a ghost in yer eyes that tells ye once welcomed death." Alice's face turned sad, and her breathing sped up as she tried to stop the tears before they fell. Barbossa looked at her sadly. "'Tis no good to hide them now, not while yer alone here with me," he said quietly and Alice sat up, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
"It's been… crazy for me…" she started, her throat tightening as she fought out the words. She took a few shaky breaths, still trying to fight the tears; she had never been comfortable crying around anyone. Barbossa sat up and crossed his legs, facing Alice.
"We've a long night with naught else to do, missy. Might as well spill some of it out before it drowns ye," he almost whispered. She looked up at him for a brief second, forcing a weak smile. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves some before continuing to speak, her eyes mostly locked onto the dark floor around her feet.
"Might as well start at the beginning, I suppose. I grew up far from here, in distance as well as time, on the western coast of America. The northern part," she clarified. "My parents were not bad people, but they were not suited for one another, and they had a strained relationship, making the mistake of staying together to raise myself and my younger brother. In time they were smart enough to put an end to it. However, that decade had taken its toll on them both, and they had a hard time finding themselves again. My dad left, moving to the east coast, and my mom became more and more consumed with adjusting to her new lifestyle, leaving me alone to raise my brother most of the time." Alice paused for a moment.
"How old was he?" Barbossa asked. "Yer brother?"
"A year younger than myself. I had always been a good enough kid, stayed out of any real trouble, but my brother was a constant troublemaker. He got involved in a lot of bad shit, and ended up running away when he was about 14. My mom blamed me, saying it was my fault for not being a better caretaker. You can imagine my reaction to that," she chuckled darkly and Barbossa let out an amused huff. "After that, I was pretty much on my own. My mom was always out with someone new, sometimes going on long vacations. I started to do my own thing, live my own life. I dropped out of school to learn on my own time, and became involved with whole new groups of people. I got into more trouble, but much of it was my own making, I suppose."
"Such as?"
"I started drinking more, and caring less about a stable future. I decided I would live life how I wanted, and discipline be damned!" she laughed softly. "I jumped around from job to job, and bed to bed," she smirked wryly, "and I was happy enough, but something was missing. I met a guy who I really liked, and we were together for a time, until I found out that I was one of many in his little 'harem'. I was devastated, and vowed to never let that happen again, but it did. Many more times, in fact. It made me hardened to the world; I hid my vulnerabilities deep, and never let on how much anything affected me. I thought that I could get by, being so jaded, until the apathy reached a point where I didn't even care about living anymore. I tried to take my own life," her voice hitched as her throat constricted and she closed her eyes tight. She took a few breaths before continuing. "I didn't succeed, obviously, but it gave me a pause to think about what was happening to me - about what I was becoming. I felt I needed to make some changes in my life, so I started out by getting a menial job. An old friend of my parents, who I had always been close to, offered me a position at the company he worked for. I was a clerk, of sorts, and spent my days happily writing documents or filing papers. The fact remained, however, that I still returned to an empty home at the end of the day."
"Did yer mother ever come back?" Alice glanced at his concerned expression, a little surprised by how engrossed he was in her tale. She shook her head.
"I heard from her now and again, but she had met a man who was relatively wealthy, and they were almost perpetually traveling. They house pretty much became mine by default, so I took the liberty of making it my own. I rearranged everything, packed her stuff into boxes in a spare room, and decorated it to suit my tastes. It wasn't bad, except for the lack of anyone to share it with. Or, at least, anyone to share it with for longer than a night or two."
"What about acquaintances?"
"I had a few, but they didn't matter much. My only friends at this point that I cared about were Mark, who gave me the job, and his partner David. They spent quite a bit of time around there, but it didn't alleviate the loneliness deep in my heart." Her face scrunched into a scowl. "But that, too, changed." She paused for a few breaths. "I had been at the job for two years when a promotion moved me to a different department. My first day there… I met Paul." She sighed in annoyance. "He was a manager, and I was quite taken with him. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he had also taken quite a liking to me. We interacted daily, occasionally going to lunch together, and our flirtations slowly became more apparent, though neither of us acted on them, as he was in a relationship at the time. An unhappy one, but still," she added with snort of derisive amusement. She glanced at Barbossa, who had a puzzled expression on his face, but he gestured for her to continue.
"That came to an end after about a year, and he and I began… courting, I suppose. I was happier than I had ever been in my life. We were together for a little more than half a year when… He started to grow distant. I tried to figure out the source on my own, but to no avail, and I finally asked him about it." She sighed, her eyes closed tight again. She hadn't realized how long she was silent for until Barbossa spoke.
"What was it?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"Oh, he had met someone else," she laughed cruelly. "After everything I had gone through, I thought I had finally found the one person who would end all of that. But no… It was just another big letdown." She sighed and released her legs, stretching them out as she rolled back onto the floor. "After that I returned to a jaded and numb state. I continued to go to work, where he avoided me as much as possible, until it all became too much, and suicide began to once more become an option. That's when I turned to Mark. He had created the device that brought me here, and I was ready to take my chances with it. I was already standing at that precipice, so what did it matter to me if it didn't work? We spent months preparing for my departure, and I second guessed myself a few times before finally making the plunge and just doing it."
"What made ye finally decide?" She looked at Barbossa and her face turned to deep sadness.
"Paul's new girl came to collect him from work," she sighed and stared at the ceiling. "Seeing her was enough to send me over the edge. The entire way home I was in such a state of rage, but I was an empty shell by time I arrived. I pushed as much as I could from my mind, gathered up everything I had prepared, and vanished." She slowly sat up again and crossed her legs, facing Barbossa. "And now? I'm here." She forced a smile, trying to shake the story from her mind. Barbossa just stared at her for a long while in deep contemplation.
"Thank you," she finally said, breaking the silence.
"Hrmmm?" his eyes focused on her, breaking out of their haze.
"For listening to me ramble on," she chuckled softly. He let out a quiet laugh.
"'Twas hardly rambling. D'ye at least feel a bit relieved, getting it out?" Alice nodded slowly and smiled genuinely.
"I do, actually. It feels so far away… It still hurts some, but nowhere near as it once did. Not even near as much as when I first arrived here." She sighed again, but this time it was calming. "What about your story, Captain Barbossa?" He barked out a laugh.
"Now that is a story that can wait fer another time, missy," he smiled. "Suffice it to say that I've had my share of good and ill 'long the way," he chuckled and Alice just smiled and nodded.
"This curse can't have done much to help that," she said with a quiet amusement. Barbossa gave a bit of a shrug.
"Actually? It's changed me priorities a bit. And I've a bit of a different outlook on life, as it were," he laughed and she joined him.
The clouds broke up and moonlight streamed in through the hatch, peppering Barbossa in spots of undead flesh. His face fell slightly as he took notice of them, and Alice thought he looked almost self-conscious about them. She uncrossed her legs and crawled closer to him, which made him lean back as he gave her an odd look.
"You said before that you could feel nothing, but then how are you able to do things like steer the ship?"
"The same way one could feel it in a memory. I know what it's supposed to feel like, but it's like there's a barrier betwixt myself and it," he answered softly.
"Does it… I mean, can you feel it when it changes?" she asked quietly, perched on her hands and knees as she observed the spots on his face, her own barely inches away.
"In a manner of speaking, I can," he whispered, barely audible, watching her with wide eyes. "It can't be described, I'm afraid."
"Captain Barbossa?" she whispered. He hummed a questionable noise. She reached her hand out and he leaned back another inch, but then froze. "I know you can't really feel this," she continued to whisper as she stroked his face with her fingertips. "But can you feel here?" her voice was mostly breath as she placed her hand over his heart. His eyes searched hers for a moment before he nodded once, almost imperceptibly. She slowly removed her hand and sat back, the pair both lost in silent contemplation as they gazed at each other. She lowered her eyes and crawled next to him, lying on her back to look up at the visible glimpses of the sky above. Barbossa stayed still for a moment longer before he also lay back to watch the sky beside her. Both of them were silent for a long while.
Alice considered the man at her side. She contemplated what sort of person he had been before the curse had taken hold. Remembering the tiny comments he made at that first dinner, she guessed he had lived as any other pirate had – pillaging prizes for treasure that would quickly be exchanged for women and drink, spent faster than it was made before repeating the cycle. Would he fully return to that state after the curse had been lifted? She had her doubts. She knew he would never cease to be a pirate, but she felt that his actions would be different when it came to how his fortunes were spent. Ten years… That was a long time for anyone to do without having many needs fulfilled. Not just sexual needs, but the very basic comforts of food and wine, of a soft kiss, or a tender embrace. She wondered whether he would become more discerning towards those needs.
She also took account of her own feelings. This man stirred something deep within her, but she couldn't place what triggered it. Was it just the fact that she found a kindred spirit in him who understood what it felt like to be truly numb inside? No, because any member of his crew could fulfill that criteria. Then what was it? She thought about it for a long time. He was caring and considerate, without having to make a huge display of it, as was evidenced by the coat she now wore. And he was intelligent, something she had always prided in others, but had seldom found. There was also his very nature: This man was a pirate. He took control of his own life, and blamed no one else for the consequences of his own actions. But he was still very much a mystery to her. She found she wanted to know more of that mystery, but she didn't want to unravel it. She wondered how long he would let her stay, or how close he would let her get. Her breath almost stopped when she realized she knew, deep down inside, that she did not want to be away from him. She sighed at this thought, but made a decision to go with it, as she drifted off into a light snooze.
