Chapter 14

Kelly couldn't believe how in just the course of two? Three? Weeks…he'd gone from being a firefighter to being an invalid.

He just wanted to go home…to be in his own house…with Alyssa and the kids. But that wasn't even a possibility right now.

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The physical and occupational therapists sat down with him and Alyssa…and they had a ton of questions. And with every one, Kelly got more and more depressed…because it seemed like he'd never get home.

First they asked him where he lived…in a house or an apartment.

"House…" he answered.

"With your family?" the physical therapist asked.

"Yeah…"

She asked what the family consisted of…and his voice cracked when he told her he lived with his wife…and their three young children…nine year old twin boys…and their daughter was almost two.

They asked a ton of questions about the layout of the house…the number of stairs to get in…were their railings…were there stairs inside? How many? And again with the railings…on one side…or both? They wanted to know about the bathrooms…and where the bedrooms were…was there a way he could stay on one floor?

Alyssa said they had a guest room on the main floor…but it was in constant use…with their friends and family rotating in and out to take care of the kids. She expected that arrangement to continue when Kelly came home…for a while anyway.

Besides, Kelly said, he wanted to sleep in his own bed…in his own room…with his wife.

The occupational therapist asked about his "previous level of function".

Kelly bristled at that…like it was a thing of the past.

He got more and more frustrated with every question. Yes, he could dress himself, yes, he could feed himself, yes, he could walk unassisted…well, most of the time…when his knee hurt Alyssa had to help him sometimes.

Yes, he could get a meal together for himself if he had to…he could do the laundry if he had to…housework…yard work…child care…yes, he could drive.

Finally he snapped.

"Lady…I'm a firefighter! I run into burning buildings! I handle all kinds of complex, hydraulic tools! All these questions about if I can get dressed and tie my own shoes…seriously? I can throw on fifty pounds of gear and get out the door in under a minute!"

"Mr. Severide…I'm not implying your condition is permanent." The therapist said. "But we need to know what you were doing before in order to make a plan for how to get you back there…"

That hit him like a ton of bricks. His condition? They damn well made it sound permanent when they put it that way.

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It was slow going. And the days were running together.

He wasn't sure how many days it had been since he woke up…he just knew he still couldn't take a step. He remembered the pain doctor had repeated the nerve block so he could work with the therapists…but he still couldn't sit at the edge of the bed for more than a minute…and he had to support himself with his good arm.

The therapist brought the walker over to the side of the bed and set if firmly in front of him. He still hated it…it made him feel like an invalid.

Alyssa was beside him, rubbing his shoulder while he gathered his faculties. There was a physical therapy student in the room…but Kelly didn't want her to touch him. He only wanted his wife. He just wasn't comfortable with anyone else.

He braced himself to stand…and as he pushed off the bed Alyssa held on to the belt around his waist and helped to pull him up. The therapist was on his weak side…his right side. He couldn't use that arm at all, and they had fitted the walker with a special platform to rest his cast on.

He grabbed the handle with his left hand…and Alyssa placed her hand over his. With her other hand she held onto the belt.

"Look up, Kelly…" she reminded him. "Don't look at your feet."

The weight on his legs still felt awkward and it took him a few moments to get comfortable.

"Mr. Severide…" the therapist said.

"Kelly…" he told her.

'Mr. Severide' made him feel old as dirt.

"Kelly…" she said. "I want you to try and rock left to right…back and forth. Just shift your weight from one foot to the other."

He looked at the therapist like she was crazy…

But he felt Alyssa's hand squeeze his slightly…offering her encouragement.

Kelly took a deep breath…as much as he could anyway…and began to slowly shift his weight.

"What's your goal, Kelly?" the therapist asked. "What's your number one priority as far as your therapy?"

"To go home." He answered without hesitation. "My daughter's gonna be two…and I want to be home for her birthday."

Alyssa swallowed hard. She didn't have the heart to tell him Maggie's birthday was two weeks ago.

"We'll have a big party, Baby." She said. "Just as soon as you're up to it."

The therapist smiled.

"When's her birthday?"

"March eighteenth." Kelly answered.

"But today's April fourth…" the student blurted out.

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Kelly's head snapped up.

What? April? How did he not know that?"

Alyssa caught her breath. Kelly turned to her.

"Lyssa? Is that true?"

All she could do was look up at him…and when he saw the tears in her eyes, he knew it was.

He blinked in disbelief as he struggled to grasp the enormity of it all.

He had missed his baby girl's birthday.

"I can't…I can't do this." he said. "Put me back in bed."

"Kelly…" Alyssa whispered.

"Put me back in bed!" he said again.

Alyssa and the therapist slowly lowered him to the edge of the bed.

The therapist moved the walker…shooting a scathing look at her student.

"Help me…" Kelly said.

He needed Alyssa to lift his legs onto the bed and help him into a comfortable position.

He just wanted these people gone…

And once he was back in bed he told them so.

"Kelly…" the therapist tried again. "Why don't we try some of your exercises? We still have almost twenty minutes left."

"No. Just go…please?" he said.

He looked up at the therapist…

"GO!" he yelled. "Get the hell out! Leave me alone!"

Alyssa shot the woman a look…pleading with her to listen to him.

The therapist nodded and turned to go. She gave the clueless student another look that if looks could kill would have rendered her dead in less than a heartbeat.

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Once the door was closed Kelly turned to Alyssa.

"Tell me what happened." He demanded. "Tell me everything…none of this holding back stuff. I want to know what happened to me."

"Baby…" she whispered, reaching for his hand.

But he pulled away.

"Stop it, Alyssa! I know you think you're protecting me…but you're not! Now…tell me everything. From the beginning!"

Alyssa looked at him…and she knew there was going to be no placating him.

She wasn't looking forward to this.

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"What's the last thing you remember, Baby?"

Kelly leaned back against the pillows and tried to will the memories back into his mind.

"The fire…it was an auto shop or something."

Alyssa nodded.

"That was just one…do you remember all the fires in the last six months? The bakery, the flower shop, that Italian restaurant? Joe's?"

He did remember…he nodded…knowing he wasn't going to like it when she tied it all together.

Why didn't he remember? That was really bothering him.

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"All those fires…it was something like thirty…in about six months…" Alyssa said.

Then she stopped…

"I don't know how to tell you, Kelly…"

"Just spit it out!" he snapped impatiently.

He had to know.

"Okay…" she said hesitantly. "It was Darren Chesnick. At first he was working for these meathead wanna-be Sopranos…Nicco Suave…but after the fire at Joe's…he just…kind of… went off the reservation."

"They got the Sopranos…" he said. "Antonio Dawson was working on it…"

"Yeah…but by then Chesnick was outta control. The guy was totally unhinged."

Then Kelly remembered something.

"He was talking about it…at the gym. He said the cops were so stupid…they didn't know what to look for. I wasn't sure what he was trying to tell me. But I got a sick feeling in my stomach…and I had to get away from him."

"When was that?"

"Around the first of the year…my dad and I went back to one of the scenes. We poked around and it was all right there…everything…right where he said it'd be."

He'd never told her…apparently she wasn't the only one doing a little bit of protecting.

"So what did you do with the information?" she asked.

"I told Antonio…and he went to scoop up Chesnick…but the guy was in the wind." Kelly said.

He remembered…all through the end of February…it was pretty quiet…comparatively speaking.

But that still didn't explain his injuries.

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"So Chesnick set the fire in that garage?" he asked.

He closed his eyes…and he remembered the flaming showroom…the burning rubber everywhere. Squad went into the shop…

"There was a man down." Kelly said.

"A security guard." Alyssa whispered. "Chesnick killed him…caved his skull in with a tire iron."

Kelly remembered almost falling over that tire iron.

"He got caught in his own trap, Baby…" she said carefully. "Maybe it was on purpose…but you went after him…and he tried to kill you."

What?

Kelly's eyes flew open.

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Kelly caught his breath…so quickly that he felt a stab of pain…despite the nerve block …despite the medicine. His left hand went to his ribs…and Alyssa felt the panic grab her.

This is why she didn't want to tell him. She was afraid it was all too much.

She tried to soothe him…

"Kelly…we should stop."

"No!" he said. "No! Lyssa…I need to know what happened!"

"I really don't know everything, Kelly. When Matt got to you, he said you didn't have your helmet…you didn't have your mask… that you were unconscious…your arm was broken…and Chesnick was on top of you. He was burned…he was burning!"

Kelly squeezed his eyes shut gain…trying to force himself to see it all over again. And he did…little bits and pieces anyway.

"He fought with me…" Kelly whispered. "It was like he wasn't even human."

Alyssa had tears rolling down her face. She moved closer to Kelly and took his hand in hers. It was killing her too…to not be able to lie beside him and hold him tight. The physical closeness between them was such a huge cornerstone to their relationship. It was one thing they'd been able to fall back on time and time again.

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"What about Chesnick?" he asked suddenly. "What happened to him?"

"He didn't make it, Kelly." Alyssa told him quietly. "He was burned over like…eighty-five to ninety percent of his body. They took him to Loyola…and he lingered for about ten…twelve days. But he's gone."

"And he killed my whole career…" Kelly said bitterly.

"You don't know that, Baby." She said. "You'll get better…it'll take time…but you can get it all back."

"Get real, Lyssa." He said sharply. "You're always lookin' for the silver lining…well this time it's not there!"

She had never gotten back after her injuries…not a hundred percent. She still had a permanent loss of function in her right arm…the strength had never come back…the range of motion in her joints was all diminished. She still got blinding headaches from time to time…not nearly as bad as in the beginning, but there were still times when she got so sick it scared him. He'd never…for as long as he lived…forget the terror of coming home from a shift and finding her unconscious on the bathroom floor.

No…it was over. He'd have to go on LTD for sure. Maybe he'd still be able to stay on as a consultant for Chicago Fire. Maybe they could move down to Florida…and he could still go into business with Eric Whaley. Wasn't that what Eric had said when he called the other day? 'I'm still waitin' for you, Buddy.'? But they could decide all that later…once they saw what he was gonna be up against.

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Darren Chesnick.

Kelly's blood boiled just thinking his name. The sonofabitch…just because he had to retire before he was ready…just because he was pissed off at the whole goddamn department…the city…hell, the whole fucking world…like that gave him the right to play judge, jury and executioner with someone else's career. No…with someone else's life.

And in the end he took his own life, really. Why couldn't he have just jumped off a damn bridge? Or a building? Or put a gun in his mouth? Kelly'd probably have had to go mop up the mess…him and the rest of Station 51. But at least he'd have been home for his baby's birthday.

Maggie's birthday…if today was April the fourth, then it had been almost a month to the day since he'd been home. He remembered the twin's talking about a St. Patrick's Day party at school…so that meant he'd probably gotten hurt the week before. Alyssa prob'ly knew the exact date…she prob'ly knew the exact hour, the exact minute when the call had come.

Maggie was way too little to understand all this. What was she thinking? Did she think Daddy didn't love her anymore? Would she know him when she saw him? Had he changed?

And Andy and Jesse…what had Alyssa told them? They were always honest with the boys…especially when something happened to Kelly…or one of the firehouse family. Did they know who was responsible for all this? Did they realize it was someone they had met?

Were they scared? Were they scared something might happen to them? Or the house? Hadn't they already lived through enough with the fires they had seen up close and personal?

All these thoughts…everything was all jumbled together. How the hell were things ever gonna get back to normal?

Did 'normal' even exist anymore?

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He wished he could get out of this goddamn bed. He wanted to scream…to hit…to throw something. Something to release all this anger…it was burning him inside…just like Chesnick. But he was trapped…just like he'd been trapped in that body shop…tire shop…whatever.

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Alyssa was saying something…and Kelly had to force himself to get past all the noise in his head and listen to her.

"Kelly…you're gonna get better. You will. You've got so many people practically fallin' over themselves to help you…to be there for you. You won't believe how everybody's pulled together."

She had tears in her eyes…and he reached up with his good hand to wipe away the ones that had spilled down her cheeks.

She loved him…and she hurt for him…and she'd push herself to the brink of exhaustion taking care of him. She already had.

"Matt and Leslie…Pete and Gabby…Jose…they've been taking turns staying at the house…Ingrid and Jeanne and Cindy Hermann have been cooking…and everybody got together to make a birthday party for Maggie…"

"What? They already had the party?"

Alyssa realized she'd just put her foot in it. She should know Kelly'd be upset about missing the party too.

She nodded.

"But we'll have one at home, Honey…just as soon as you can handle it…"

"What's the point?! It's over?!"

"Morgan had it taped…he had the camera crew there…they filmed the whole thing…"

"Call him." Kelly said.

"I will, Baby…"

"Now. Call him right now!"

"They were shooting in Evanston today…"

"I don't care! I don't give a damn if they're shooting in Kankakee! Call him! Right now!"

Alyssa was worried he'd hurt himself…he was so worked up. If they took his blood pressure right now it'd prob'ly be through the roof.

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She reached for her phone…and she fired off a text for Morgan to call her ASAP."

"I said call him!" Kelly said.

"He'll call back, Kelly. He's been real good about that. He's got someone watching his phone if he's in the middle of a scene…"

Kelly's mouth closed in a hard line.

Five minutes wasn't fast enough. He had to see that party…more than anything in the world…he had to see that party.

His breath was coming hard and fast…and Alyssa sat down on the bed beside him. She took his hand in hers and she rubbed the pad of her thumb across the back.

"Kelly…"

"Call him, Alyssa. Call him on the damn phone." He said. "And don't stop till he picks up."

Alyssa could see he wasn't going to calm down till he talked to Hollywood…and had an ETA.

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Just as she reached for her phone…it went off.

"Lyssa…" Morgan sounded out of breath…like he'd just come running. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm putting you on speaker, Morgan."

She hit the button.

"Craddock…" Kelly said.

"Lieutenant…what's goin' on?"

"I wanna see Maggie's party. Lyssa said you taped it."

"Yeah…and I've got it on a DVD." Morgan said. "I can bring it tomorrow…"

"No! Not tomorrow…get your ass in a car and bring it now!"

"I don't have it on me…and we're in the middle of a scene out here…"

Kelly's eyes flashed…and Alyssa sucked in her breath.

"Morgan…is there anything you can do? Please? He's had a horrible day…"

They heard Hollywood let out his breath.

"I'll see what I can do. I've gotta stop at my place…then I'll be there just as soon as I can."

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It still took him two hours…and by the time he got there Alyssa was afraid Kelly was about to have a stroke.

Morgan Craddock breezed into the room…he hadn't even bothered to put his street clothes on. He was still wearing his turnout pants and boots…his bright red suspenders glaring against his blue long sleeve t-shirt, the left one covering the CFD logo.

He still had the make-up on his face and hands…the soot and grime from the fire scene.

He set his bag on the chair against the far wall…and pulled out his laptop.

"I just want you to know, Lieutenant…you're a very important man. You just shut down the whole show with one phone call." He said in an attempt to lighten the mood. The tension was so thick in that room…you'd need a K-12 to cut through it.

Kelly just glared as Craddock set the laptop on the tray table. He wasn't in the mood for humor.

"Just play it…" Kelly snapped.

Craddock was used to Kelly's temper by now…so he pulled out the cord and plugged in the laptop.

Then he took the DVD from its jewel case and put it in.

"Now…we had three cameras going for about five hours…so I had to edit it down to two and a half." Morgan said as he backed away from the computer slowly…hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I'm just gonna say that up front…"

But Kelly wasn't even listening. He was reaching out to slide his fingers over the "mouse pad"…to get to the "play" button. But the arrow kept sliding all over the screen.

"Alyssa…" he growled. "Fix it…"

Alyssa reached over to start the DVD.

"I'm gonna go downstairs and grab a bite to eat, okay?" Morgan said.

He had a feeling the Lieutenant and Alyssa would prefer to watch it together…without him.

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It was an emotional thing…Morgan had to stop and pull it together several times when he was editing and splicing the footage. Even though the kids looked like they were having a great time…all the adults were poignantly aware of who was missing.

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The diner came into view…and the pink streamers and balloons…the camera was honed in right on the door to capture the princess's arrival.

They caught Andy's comment about more Pepto Bismol.

Kelly couldn't help but chuckle…then he grimaced in pain and he held his ribs with his left hand.

"Ow…" he said.

Alyssa just held onto his arm…she wasn't about to suggest they stop.

Besides…she wanted to see it too. She hadn't been able to bring herself to watch without Kelly.

"Shhh…" she whispered soothingly. "Try not to overdo it…"

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The camera's captured everything…the food…all the finger foods…Mill's famous "Maggie Cheesy"…and Andy and Otis having a contest to see who could eat the most mini-Sliders.

No surprise…Andy won hands down.

"That's my boy…" Kelly said under his breath.

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Casey held Maggie up so she could blow out the candles on her pink and purple frosted cake. But at first she was totally distracted by the princess dolls placed around the edges of the two tiers.

"Arie-o!" she cried happily as she pointed to the figure of the red headed princess from the Little Mermaid. "Belle! An' Ciner-weh-wa!"

"That's right Maggie…they're all there." Casey told her. "Now let's blow out the candles…"

"No-white!" Maggie pointed to the dark haired princess. "Seepin' Booty!"

The candles were melting down.

"If she doesn't blow em' out soon…" Hermann interjected… "There's gonna be nothin' left."

And her big brother was all too ready to take matters into his own hands.

But Leslie stopped him.

"Don't even dream it, Andy." She said. "It's her day…"

"But I want some cake…" Andy protested. "And this could go on for hours!"

Alyssa smiled at her husband.

"He's definitely got your patience…"

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The presents must have taken an hour…and Maggie must have squealed a million times…and Kelly wondered if her little hands hurt from all the clapping she did.

She looked so happy…and when the camera zoomed in on her sweet little face…and her teal blue eyes…Kelly couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

He shut the lap top and turned to Alyssa. She was crying freely too.

"I wanna go home…" he said. "I just wanna go home."