Hidden treasure part 3
Hannibal spent close to a week in the hospital before it was determined he could go "home". The doctors ordered him to rest and to take it easy; the shoulder was healing nicely but it needed time and so did the leg.
Hannibal's room became Face's world for the whole time. The younger man refused to leave and spent all his energy around the Colonel, making sure he had everything he needed, never leaving his side for more than an hour or two, only when Murdock or BA insisted that he get out of the hospital and take care of his own business.
The Colonel received many visitors during his stay at the hospital.
The General himself came to see him a couple of times; if he was relieved to see that his old friend was doing good and that the wounds were not life-threatening as they had suspected at the beginning, at the same time he was worried about the young LT. Not that his behavior was unusual. Both men had seen many young soldiers acting the same way after an "accident"; unconsciously – they were told - they were feeling guilty for having survived a tragic experience while others had died, not accepting the death of their teammates.
After a few days, despite the fact that Face was his usual self apparently, Hannibal knew he was far from ok. The Colonel talked about it with Morrison but the man was confident it was only a matter of time. Hannibal wasn't so sure about it.
He had done everything in his power to make Face understand that he couldn't have prevented Miller's death in any way; that if they were still alive it was only because of his cool head, that he was proud of him. Face had listened to Hannibal's words but didn't seem too convinced it was the truth.
Sometimes the older man caught Face with his guard down; those times, when the kid's masks were not in place, he could see a mixture of sadness and resignation in his eyes, and pain and fear. The sight of his wonderful boy so vulnerable and miserable brought tears to Hannibal's eyes; no one, particularly Face, should feel the way he was feeling.
But helping him was another story. Every time Hannibal asked him how he was feeling he got the same sharp answer, that he wasn't the one in the hospital bed and that he was "just fine".
Finally, the Colonel was released.
Walking with a shoulder and a leg wounded was difficult if not impossible. Actually, doing anything was tricky for Hannibal alone and he was going to be in need of help for quite some time. Face never left his side and took care of everything: he talked with the doctors about the medications and the physical therapy the Colonel should follow; he rented a wheelchair so he would be able to move around at home; he helped the older man to walk the few steps to his little apartment just outside the base, then to bed where the Colonel was confined, again, for some days to his regret.
Everything Hannibal wanted Face had to hand. The younger man had even moved into his home in order to take care of him night and day, not accepting Hannibal's advice to find a nurse – or someone with medical knowledge instead - to stay with him as long as he was unable to take care of himself. Face refused the offer, obviously. Hannibal knew it was the guilt complex for the accident and the shock of Miller's death that made Face behave that way and he wondered how long would it be before Face would regain trust in himself.
The kid wasn't sleeping and was having a hard time dealing with the ordeal. The Colonel, however, couldn't imagine what was really eating at the younger man.
Hannibal was, indeed, ridiculously happy to have the younger man around, to hear him moving in his home. One night Face was so tired he fell asleep on Hannibal's bed, beside the older man; the Colonel was asleep and didn't realize he had company, only when he tried to shift onto his side he found out he was restricted by the LT, who was curled on his side with his head on Hannibal's good shoulder.
The gesture hit Hannibal hard; he had always had feelings for the younger man, but had never had the courage to confess to him. Knowing it was now or never, he allowed himself the luxury of caressing the blond hair and playing with the soft curls, holding the precious bundle as close as possible to himself. Later, when the nightmares came and Face started to twist on the bed, Hannibal resumed the gesture and whispered softly in his ears that he was alright, that nothing was gonna happen to him; soon Face relaxed again, never really waking up, and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.
Hannibal didn't have the heart to wake him and ask him to move; the two men shared the same bed for the first time and it was Heaven for the Colonel.
The following morning, when Face opened his eyes to the world and realized where he was, immediately ashamed of his behaviour, he struggled to get up quickly in order to let the Colonel rest for a little while, but the older man was already awake.
"It's 6 in the morning, Face. You can sleep a little more if you want to," he offered.
Feeling his mouth was completely dry, Face didn't reply but looked at the older man and blushed. How could he have been so stupid as to fall asleep in the Colonel's own bed? What was he going to tell him now?
"There is nothing to be ashamed of, kid. You were exhausted and needed your sleep. If I helped you tonight, I am happy about it," Hannibal stated, his words clear but his eyes holding a brightness Face hadn't seen in them for so long. Was it possible that the Colonel had feelings for him? Or was it a dream and he was actually sleeping on the couch in the sitting room?
"I'm sorry if I bothered you Hannibal, I'm going to rest for a little while on the couch," Face replied, deciding he didn't want to face the subject in that moment.
But Hannibal had other ideas.
"I think I should give you an explanation, Face. Please," and he gestured for him to sit beside him. Face complied, his heart thundering in his chest.
"I am not going to sugar coat this so… I love you, not like a brother or like a son. I'm in love with you! I guess I should have told you before but I could never find the right moment and…" he sighed. "If you're not comfortable with me, now that you know my real feelings for you, and you want to go away I will understand. Nothing means more to me that your wellbeing and I don't want to cause you any trouble".
Face could not believe his own ears. He knew he had to say something, anything but he couldn't find his voice to reply. Hannibal was watching him with clouded eyes.
"Say something," he asked, unable to stand the silence that followed his confession.
"How long?" Face eventually whispered, avoiding holding the Colonel's gaze.
"A few years, maybe." Hannibal answered earnestly. "I don't really know, it just happened and… But I wouldn't want you to ruin you career because of me…" he added, sadly.
"Ruin my career? Hannibal, I don't understand. How would it affect my career?"
"Well, with your training program you're going to be passed Captain in a while and you're going to have your own unit to command soon. I didn't want to be a burden to you."
"I don't want that. I don't need that. All I want is to be with you, because… because I think I love you too and I could not live without you. I…I want to know you're ok, I don't want to worry about you every day, not knowing where you are and if your unit is able to back you up. I don't want to risk losing you… again…" Face admitted in a very, very soft voice.
Hannibal felt his heart melt at such caring and loving words. Cupping the kid's face in his hand, he forced him to look him in the eyes before asking him the most important question.
"Are you sure, Face? Or are you saying it just because you think it's what I'd want to hear?"
Face's expression changed from astonished to indignant.
"Do you think I could lie to you, Hannibal?" he asked angrily.
"Then why are you angry?"
"Because two weeks ago I was in a cold cave praying God for you to survive… you had lost so much blood and I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if you were going to make it until the S&R team found us…" the young LT managed between hot tears.
"I know, Temp, you did a very good job and you saved my life. And Wilson's. You know that!" Hannibal tried to hush him, using his best comforting tone.
"But I couldn't save Miller. He was a kid, Hannibal, and he died because of me!" Face screamed.
"Not because of you. Because of the war, because of the job he chose."
"The moment he was hit he looked at me, as if to ask me to save him… and a moment later he was dead. And I did nothing, NOTHING to help him!"
The young man was now sobbing, hiding his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking.
"I was in charge of him, I should have known better and saved his life…"
Hannibal shifted in bed in order to be able to hold the distressed man in his arms; he rocked him tenderly and spoke to him quietly, caressing him with his free hand: the gesture calmed him and soon he was breathing normally. Sniffing, Face wiped away the tears from his cheeks but he still did look like a little scared sparrow, with his nose puffy and red eyes. Hannibal couldn't help but smile at him. God, he looked so fragile! It was true he was a well-built man and that women liked him, but inside he was just a little boy in need of reassurances.
"I know it's not easy, Face. I know you feel responsible for Miller but, please, you have to believe me: you did everything in your power to protect your unit and you did a very good job. Miller's death is a tragedy but you, as an officer, you have to accept the fact that you cannot save everyone. The kid knew the risks of the job, it's sad but it's true. I'm sure he wouldn't accuse you of betraying him. And you know that too."
Face snorted.
"Maybe you're right, Hannibal. The fact is: I don't want to be responsible for anybody's death."
"Face, listen to me. As an officer, you have responsibility for your unit. But there are events that you cannot prevent and you're not responsible for that. Is it clear? Stop making yourself sick thinking Miller's death was your fault, you're not doing any good to him. He was a Marine, a soldier of the US Army and he knew the risks of his job. If you want to honor him, stop struggling. Get back on the horse and do your job as well as you have always done it. Make Miller proud of you. That is what he would expect you to do right now, honey!"
If the Colonel's words weren't enough to touch him, the use of the tender nickname at the end of his speech made Face loose the little control he had over his emotions.
"What did you call me?" he whispered.
"Honey. I called you honey. I'm sorry Face…" the older man started but the LT stopped him.
"There is nothing you have to be sorry about. I think… I think I like that," he said, smiling timidly at his CO.
"Are you saying… are you saying it's ok if we try, you know, to be a couple?" Hannibal asked then, holding his breath.
"I've wanted it for so long, Hannibal."
The older man smiled and kissed his boy tenderly on his lips.
"Call me John, honey!"
TBC
