Voyage of the Kobayashi Maru

If this was it, then she couldn't help but feel disappointed.

She stared at the beaker sitting on the table before her. It was filled near to the brim with a grey liquid thick enough that one would be forgiven for thinking it to be mud. And it smelled horrendous, much like the wet fur of an animal that had rolled in the corpses of other animals, also with wet fur. She wrinkled her nose and kept her distance.

"This is it?" she asked. It was impossible to keep disappointment out of her voice.

Her teacher, who had just set the beaker down, nodded. "Don't sound so let down. It may not look like much, but this is exactly what we wanted." Her teacher's pale lips lifted in a tired but satisfied smile. "At last."

The girl knew that she should be excited. If this was the elixir, then it was the elixir. Her teacher was never wrong. And in any case, this meant the realization of everything they've toiled endlessly for the last twenty cycles for. Finally the key to immorality, true immortality, not just the extreme longevity of their people, was in their possession. And with that came the immortality of the other kind, gouging out a piece of history and making it their own. She'd like to see any of her favored siblings, those who were handed everything for the simple reason of having being born first, try to match anything like this. With this elixir she was going to ascend above any of her family, any of her ancestors, and become something far beyond the limited imaginations of those who had ignored her. She was going to become a goddess.

And yet…

The girl shook her head. "I don't know. I thought it would be more…"

"Yes?"

"Glowy."

Her teacher raised a single silver eyebrow. "Glowy?"

"Well, sure. Legendary magical objects are supposed to glow." She looked down at the assuming beaker and the sludge within. "And if this isn't going to become legendary one day, then the qualifications are severely flawed."

"You read too many fantasy stories," her teacher said, shaking her head.

The girl folded her arms. "So says the lady who just created the elixir of immortality."

"Point taken," her teacher said with a wry curl of her lips. "But even if its appearance is unimpressive, what it does is certainly…legend-worthy." She pushed the beaker closer to girl. "Care to find out?"

The girl blinked. "What, you mean now? Right here, right now?"

"Can you conjure any compelling reason why not?"

"I…uh…" The girl wracked her brain. "I don't know. I just seems to be the sort of thing that calls for some kind of…ceremony. Ritual. Trumpets, worshipful masses, a grand cathedral, dancing girls, that sort of thing."

"Seeing how what we're doing is highly illegal, I would advise against any of those things," her teacher said dryly. "We can throw you a week-long party after you've claimed the throne."

The girl shrugged. "Fair enough." She picked up the beaker. "Three sips, you said?"

Her teacher nodded. "Each one will push your body closer to true everlasting life, with the third completing the transformation. Make them small ones though. The actual dosage of each sip matters not, so it's best to save it."

"And you're sure this thing is safe? It won't poison me or cause me to vomit out my liver or anything?"

"Yes. Completely. Worst-case scenario, it does absolutely nothing and we have to figure out what went wrong and start over. But that won't happen. It's perfect the way it is."

"And you're so sure of this…why?"

"Because I say it is." There was no missing the impatience in her teacher's voice.

"Eh, fair enough." The girl grinned. "Okay then, bottom's up."

She took one sip and let it drip down her throat. It didn't taste nearly as bad as she had thought, though it was far from delicious. Sort of like toothpaste, she reflected. Toothpaste mixed with beans.

"Congratulations," her teacher said. "You are now forever young."

The girl blinked. "Are you sure? I didn't feel anything."

"Believe me, you are. Now, claim everlasting health."

"Okay…" The girl shrugged and took a second sip. To her surprise, the taste had changed. Now it was more like cheese covered with way too much pepper. She coughed and said, "One more?"

"One more."

This time she nearly spat the stuff out. It was hideous, with a flavor like burning bile mixed with thick mucus and a shot of urine thrown in for good measure. She locked her jaw, forced it down and tried not to gag.

Suddenly her teacher grabbed her by the wrist. A thin blade, short but razor sharp, appeared in her other hand. The girl yelled in surprise and tried to pull away, but her teacher quickly slashed the blade across the girl's palm.

"What are you doing?" the girl demanded as she yanked her hand back. "Have you completely divorced yourself from your-"

"Look!"

The girl looked down at her slashed palm. The blood was flowing back into the open vein. When it was all gone, the wound shrank, turned pink, and disappeared completely.

Her teacher nodded in satisfaction. "It is done," she whispered. "You will no longer age. You will no longer take ill. And any harm will be but temporary, up to and including complete disintegration."

The girl, who was still staring and her healed palm, said, "So that's it? I'm going to live forever now?"

"Forever and ever."

"Huh." The girl mused over this. Then she shook her head and said, "Well, that's great. But if that was all there was, if that was it, then I can't help…"

…but feel a little disappointed.

A measureless amount of time had passed since Kamakura had disappeared and Kaguya and her…unwanted companions had sailed off upon the ship they had claimed. Or to be strictly accurate, the ship she had claimed. Real or not, it was her boat now. If the other two wished to dispute this, than they would have to kill her to take ownership. However, to her partial disappointment, neither of them seemed to care.

At any rate, in the time since, things had been remarkably uneventful. The sun had refused to set, the wind had pushed them along at a constant but gentle pace, and Mokou had never ceased to be the most annoying thing to wear a pair of suspenders. If it weren't for the truce, Kaguya would have amputated her limbs and keelhauled her after the hair incident. As it was, she had to settle for leaving her in the cargo hold with a mess that could only be vaguely called a "face."

However, after that brief moment of amusement, Kaguya had come to realize something horrible. While playing the pirate with an actual ship sounded great on paper, it became pointless without someone to actually commit acts of piracy against. And they had found no one. No more islands, no other ships, not even any albatrosses to shoot. One would think that a dream world would be filled with interesting thinks to look at and destroy. But instead they had encountered nothing but endless water and constant sunshine. All very well and pretty, but it had gotten old very quickly.

And then they had found something.

Kaguya sighed. At the moment she was leaning slumped against the ship's side, staring balefully at the large, jagged lump of rock that sat only a few feet from starboard. They had run across this lame excuse for an island about half an hour ago, a stony spit of land apparently devoid of life. All things considered, nothing of interest to aspiring pirates, but since it had been the first thing not composed of one oxygen and two hydrogen molecules that they had seen for a long time, they were practically obligated to check it out. Besides, this being a dream world, there was no telling what they might find.

Unfortunately, after they had sailed around the thing to find a usable port to lay anchor, namely a sandy beach framed by jutting cliffs, they had run into a problem. It was obvious that leaving the Kobayashi Maru undefended would be a bad idea, as they ran the risk of having it vanish as soon as their backs were turned. However, that left them with the problem of who would go onto the island. None of the three girls trusted the other to be alone with the boat, and none of them were comfortable with having any of the others watch their backs. Finally they had decided that since it was Mokou's subconscious that they were trying to escape from, she would have to be part of the exploration party. And since Kaguya did not trust Rumia with her ship, the sword-wielding lockpicker would accompany her, but only after securing grudging promises from Mokou that the truce would extend to Rumia, and making sure that Rumia would postpone her inevitable betrayal to a much later date.

However, after the two of them had left, Kaguya had come to the realization that despite finally finding land, she was still stuck on the boat with nothing to do. She stared at the cliffs and, after they failed to transform into something more interesting, she sighed and walked back to the helm.

"We pillage an' plunder, we rifle and loot," she sang softly. "Drink up me hearties yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, it's a pirate's life for…" She collapsed over the helm with a groan. "Oh gods, I'm so bored!"

With a grimace, she pushed herself back up. Note to self, she thought ruefully. Next time you're given a choice between the boat that you can't keep and maybe having some fun beyond tormenting Mokou, choose the fun.

Well, maybe with any luck those two will end up discovering the center of Mokou's subconscious mind (whatever that ended up to be) and they could move on to Kaguya's mind. Not that she was in any great hurry to let Mokou in there, but with any luck it would be a short trip.

With any luck. Kaguya snorted back a laugh and went back to staring at the cliffs. These things never had that sort of luck. Odds were they were going to be stuck here for a very long time. She just hoped that something would hurry up and happen, or she might consider tearing her way into Satsuki's mind through sheer brute force.

Mokou half-walked, half-slid down a steep path that curled around the side of a sheer wall. She kept her hand on the wall, using it to steady herself. It was a difficult task, as the ground beneath her feet was mainly composed of loose dirt and gravel. More than once she almost completely lost her footing, which would likely result in her being a raw and bloody mess at the bottom of the path.

"I really don't like this place," she muttered as she clawed around for handholds. She kept her eyes focused on her feet, making sure they didn't betray her.

"So you've said," Rumia commented on. The lockpicker was a few feet further down. Mokou had not been keen on the idea of her being behind her, especially with that sword of hers. Mokou had brought along her own blade, which was now thrust through a makeshift belt. Just in case. "Several times. You really are one for repetition, aren't you?"

"Oh, am I starting to annoy you?" Mokou shot back. "So sorry. No, wait. No I'm not."

"Glad we've got that cleared up. One question though."

Mokou had reached a smooth section of wall without reliable handholds. She squatted down on her heels and slowly scooted herself down. "Make it a good one," she grumbled.

"You got it. Why the hell are you doing it that way in the first place?"

Mokou glanced up. Rumia was hovering about a foot over the path, her legs folding in the cross-legged position.

"Oh." Mokou tried to think of a response that would make her seem less stupid. None presented itself. With a sigh she allowed herself to float a short distanced upward. "Shut up."

Snickering, Rumia drifted down the path, with an even more irritable Mokou following behind. She hated this place. They had found absolutely nothing of worthwhile wandering among the rocks and now she had gotten her palms scraped up for no reason whatsoever. Granted, the scrapes had disappeared within seconds, but it still had made her look like a fool. She hated to admit it, but she was actually starting to miss Kaguya's stupid ship.

They reached the bottom of the path and found themselves in an open, desolate space. In keeping with the rest of the expedition, there was no life to be found. Just rocks, rocks and…

Mokou frowned. "Hey," she said to Rumia, who was carving her initials in a jagged spire. "Look at that."

Rumia looked in the direction she was indicating and whistled. "Wow. That was certainly worth coming to see."

At the far end of the expanse were several clusters of huge blue crystals, just sitting out in the open. They were covered with a pale fluorescence and a faint humming noise could be heard emitting from the gems.

"Worth it?" Mokou said. "Not a chance in hell. These things ain't real, remember? It's not like we can take them with us." Then she had to admit, "Still, they are kind of pretty."

"Do they mean anything to you? Any old memories being shaken loose?"

Mokou shook her head. "No, never seen these things in my life. Probably just some weird dream randomness. Come on, let's go see if they do anything."

She started to float toward the clusters, only to have Rumia suddenly grab her by the arm.

Mokou reacted immediately. Her other hand burst into flames and snatched up Rumia by the wrist. Rumia cried out in pain and tried to pull away, but Mokou had already seized her by the face and driven the back of her head against a boulder.

Growling, Mokou focused the fire surrounded her hand to the tip of her index finger, making it burn like a blowtorch. She held the blazing tip six inches from Rumia's wide eyes.

"And what was that?" Mokou hissed. "I knew you weren't to be trusted, but-"

Moving so fast that even the unnervingly quick Mokou was surprised, Rumia drew up her legs and slammed them against Mokou's chest, sending her tumbling backward. Mokou rolled on her shoulders, braced her hands against the ground and rolled into a crouch, hands up and ready.

But Rumia didn't press her attack. Instead, she started yelling. "What the fuck is wrong with you, you crazy bitch?" she shouted. "I was just trying to stop you from flying into the gas!"

"What?" Mokou stared at her, completely befuddled. "Gas?"

Rumia pointed with her unharmed hand. "Yes! Gas!"

Mokou looked over her shoulder. There, about fifteen away, were three craters, from which suspicious green clouds were rising. Probably poisonous. Or flammable. Either way, it wouldn't be a good idea to fly through them.

"Have you always been this stupid paranoid, or is it just for my sake?" Rumia snapped. She held up her scorched wrist. "I don't heal as fast as you do!"

"Sorry, sorry," Mokou muttered.

"Sorry isn't going to fix these burns!"

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? It's reflexive."

Rumia glowered. "You know, I'm seeing why Kaguya doesn't like you. She's right, you are completely insane."

Mokou's face hardened. "Shut up. Right now."

"Oh, looks like I hit a sore spot. Fine. Just watch where you're pointing those fireballs."

Mokou didn't bother answering. She just stood up and stormed off toward the crystals. She now hated this place even more, if such a thing could be possible. And she also wanted to burn the skin off of Rumia's face. She wondered if doing would do lasting damage to Rumia's mind. She then wondered if she cared.

She couldn't make up her mind, and turning her only backup into a pile of ash would probably be a bad idea. So she decided to hold that thought until they had gotten off this piece of blasted wasteland.

The humming grew louder the closer they got to the crystals. Mokou walked up to the nearest cluster and reached out to touch the side of one exceptionally large prism.

"Oh, that's a fantastic idea," Rumia grumbled as she caught up. "Just go ahead and touch the glowing dream crystal that we know nothing about. I hope it electrocutes you."

"Nothing's happening," Mokou said. She ran her palm over the surface. Below the thin layer of dust, it was smooth, cool and hard. Exactly like any other crystal. "Looks like they're just oversized decorations."

"It's not? That's disappointing. Fine, let's forget these giant pieces of jewelry and get moving."

"I don't recall you being put in charge," Mokou said. But she removed her hand and walked away from the clusters. Then she stopped.

"Wait, no. You first," she said to Rumia.

Rumia rolled her eyes. "Shit, you really are stupid paranoid! Do you still think that I'm going to attack the person I need to get out of this mess?"

"I think that I still don't trust anything you say, and even if you are telling the truth you still might take advantage of my healing to get in a little payback. Move."

Had the look Rumia shot her been weaponized, it would have burned right through Rumia's brain. But she complied, walking in the direction Mokou indicated and complaining under her breath the whole way. After what she judged to be a safe amount of time Mokou followed.

They found another path that ran between two hills and took it, floating just high enough to make the journey easy but not so high that any hypothetical hostiles would see them.

"You know, I'm starting to think we're wasting our time," Rumia called over her shoulder. "There's nothing here. This is probably just the place where your intelligence went to die."

Mokou ignored that last observation. "Then let's go back. If there's nothing here, there's nothing here." She dropped to the ground and folded her arms. "We're not doing any good by-" A spike shot up from the ground, driving itself right through her foot. "Ow."

Rumia stopped. She turned around. "Ow? What is this 'Ow' that is not doing any good, and how are we doing it?"

"No, something in the ground just stabbed me. Ow, there it goes again."

"Jeez Mokou, can you go for five minutes without pissing something off? When the freaking ground wants to stab you, it kinda indicates that you've got a problem."

"Ow. Shut up, let me see what's going on. And ow."

Mokou ascended a few feet into the air and examined the ground. Both of her feet now had a matching pair of perfectly circular holes, though they were already in the process of closing up. The spike had come from some kind of dull purple slimy substance that was covering the ground. It was squirming slightly, almost as if it were alive.

Rumia noticed it then. "Wow, that's disgusting. Did some kind of slime god just shit all over the place?"

Mokou gingerly touched her left foot to the substance. Another spike immediately sprung up, severing it in half. She quickly pulled what was left away. The spike sunk back into the murk.

"Yeah, this stuff doesn't like to be touched," Mokou said. "But it does like to mutilate me, just like everything we've met." As an afterthought, she added, "I hate this place."

Rumia floated over to where the path opened into the space beyond. She peeked out. "Well, shit. That's no good. Mokou, come here and take a look at this."

Mokou did so. As soon as she saw what Rumia was looking at, she was forced to agree with her assessment of the situation.

What lay beyond was a wide open valley, bordered all around by stone walls. It looked like a massive crater, carved out from a falling asteroid long since decayed away. At one far end were more of those giant crystals. The creeping stuff covered the entire crater floor, making Rumia's gibe about defecating deities seem disturbingly possible. However, that wasn't what Rumia was talking about.

Some kind of colony had been set up in the crater, a colony of structures that could only be barely called buildings, as they looked like they had been grown rather than built. They appeared to be organic in nature, though instead of the graceful and leafy foliage that the word often brought to mind, these looked like they were formed from some vile creature's internal organs.

But they were nothing compared to the inhabitants themselves. There were creatures crawling around that Mokou had never imagined could have existed. There seemed to be no real continuity among them, except that they seemed to combine all the worst traits of reptiles and the entire invertebrate spectrum. There were little running things that looked like hairless dogs with bladed antennae and too many teeth. There were creeping things cutting away large chunks of the crystals that looked like giant scorpions with batlike membranes stretching from their claws to the tip of their tails. There were large slithering things that looked like someone had stuck a pair of bladed praying mantis arms and a drooling tooth-filled maw at the end of a snake's body. There were flying things that looked like giant crabs. There were other floating things that looked like giant headlice. All in all, it was easily the most disgusting excuse for a community that Mokou had ever seen.

Mokou and Rumia exchanged a look. "Just for the record, this isn't from my head," Mokou said.

"Are you sure? This could very well represent how much your soul has decayed over centuries of abuse."

"Haha. Seriously. This isn't mine."

"Yeah, fine. I've got some suspicions down those lines anyway. So, what say we head back now?"

"Agreed." Then Mokou paused for a moment before saying, "One of them's behind us, isn't it?"

"Pretty sure, yeah."

Both Mokou and Rumia slowly turned around. There, hovering directly over them, was one of the slithering things with the praying mantis arms. It opened its jaws wide and screeched at them. Mokou winced as her face was splattered with sticky saliva and whatever the thing had had for lunch.

Mokou blinked slowly. With a small effort of will, she set her upper body ablaze, burning away the filth. Then she glanced over to Rumia, who was likewise sprayed and looking annoyed about it.

"Just for the record," Mokou said as the thing reared up to attack. "I really hate this place."

"And now ladies and gentleman," Kaguya shouted to no one at all. "Watch and be amazed as the astonishing, the beautiful, the absolutely wonderful in every way number one princess Kaguya Houraisan dazzles you with yet another display of swordmanship!"

She tossed the banana she held into the air. As it started to fall back to the ship's deck, she whipped out both her swords and neatly slashed it into three segments. These pieces were then cut in half, making six in all. Kaguya then swooped in with the flat of one of one of the blades, catching each piece.

"Tah-dah!" she declared, holding up the dismembered bannana to her imaginary audience. Then she sighed and let it fall to the ground to join the chopped up plums, apples, pears, oranges and other fruit she had been playing with for the last ten minutes.

"Mutilating fruit," she muttered as she booted half an apple across the deck. "This is a new low." She turned to toward the island, which was still infuriatingly doing nothing at all. "Hurry up!" she yelled. "What's taking you guys so long?"

To her surprise, there was an answer. Several in fact, in the form of roars, hisses and snarls. From the sound of it, a great deal of angry somethings were coming her way and fast. Kaguya blinked. She jumped into the air and flew up high enough to get a good view. What she saw made her jaw drop.

Rumia and Mokou were flying toward the ship as fast as they could. Rumia was in the lead. Her sword was bared and the blade was covered with a thick, black substance. Mokou's sword was also unsheathed and clutched in her hand. It was just that the hand holding the sword had been sliced right off her wrist and was now in the grasp of her other hand. And in close pursuit were a great deal of hideous monsters. Monsters that Kaguya found to be horribly familiar.

"What did you do?" she screamed at them. "Why are you being chased by the freaking Zerg?"

"You know them? Great! Tell them to leave us alone!" Rumia shouted back.

"Like they'd listen!" Kaguya swooped back down. She started to unfurl the sails. "Hurry up and give me a hand!"

Mokou reached the ship. "Forget the damned ship! It's too slow!"

"No! I just spent the most boring forty-something minutes guarding this thing! I'm not just going to leave it now!"

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Mokou screamed. "You wanna be digested? Because that's what's about to happen!"

"I won't if you'll stop yelling and help me out here! We still can-"

"No we can't," Rumia said. She pointed. "They've caught us."

She was right. The first of the swarm were starting to arrive. While some of the larger ones stopped at the shore, others did not hesitate to plunge right into the water and swim their way toward the hip. Kaguya managed to set the sails and get the Kobayashi Maru in motion, but Rumia had been right. It was moving too slow, and they were already clambering up the sides.

"Oh, no you don't!" Kaguya shouted. She leapt at the nearest pair of Zerglings, slashing with both swords. As she went, she infused a tiny portion of her power into both blades, causing the grey iron to glow white.

This didn't seem to discourage her attackers, as they leapt right at her as soon as they pulled themselves onto the railing. Kaguya ducked and plunged her sword into the belly of the first. It sunk right in, the energy imbued within burning away internal organs as it went. It fell and flopped onto the deck like a fish, hissing and bleeding and dying.

The second was simply decapitated without a second thought.

However, Kaguya wasn't given time to gather her wits. Because at that moment at least a dozen more were leaping onto the deck. As she prepared to meet their charge, Kaguya noted with satisfaction that Rumia and Mokou hadn't abandoned her. Rumia was busy using her sword to chop a group of Zerglings to pieces, while Mokou, who had managed to reattach her wrist, was taking a page out of Kaguya's book and imbuing her own blade with her power, only in her case it was to cover it with fire. Kaguya nodded her approval. Maybe there was hope for her as well.

That was when a massive Hydralisk hauled itself onto the deck directly behind Mokou. Before she could turn to face it, it snarled and slashed out with its bladed forearms. Her body jerked once and then crumpled to the floor. Her head, now emancipated from her neck, bounced its way down the deck to roll to a stop at Kaguya's feet. Mokou's dead face was twisted into an expression of resigned annoyance.

There was something perversely wrong about seeing her like that. While she had seen Mokou dead, beheaded, dissected, disemboweled, dismembered, and any other variations on a messy fatality many, many times, the thought of her rival being so thoroughly murdered by someone other than herself was a surprisingly disturbing thought. Granted, she had not been above hiring others to keep Mokou dead and out of the way for a few days when she wasn't in the mood to deal with her. But this was different. Mokou had been killed and she hadn't anything to do with it.

That just wasn't right.

Kaguya broke contact with Mokou's irritated but lifeless eyes. She focused on the snarling creature that had just beheaded her rival. She charged forward, glowing swords at the ready, and jumped. The Hydralisk swiped at her, intending to kill her as it had Mokou.

Kaguya twisted her body out of the way of its slashing blades and stabbed down with her own. Both swords plunged its hideous face, cutting away most of the flesh and burning away the rest. It squealed in pain as what passed for its brain burned away. Kaguya pulled her swords out and gave it a kick, sending it falling back into the ocean.

However, that was far from the end. More and more of the Zerg were boarding the ship, including three more Hydralisks. And the first of the Guardians was approaching firing range. Despite her anger, Kaguya was starting to grow worried. This wasn't the same as with the sailors. These things were far more dangerous, and Kaguya truly doubted that they would be dispelled by something so simple and killing their leader, assuming there was one around. Perhaps Mokou had been right after all. Perhaps retreat was in order.

And then the problem was quite literally solved right before her.

The wind had picked up. It howled in her ears as it filled the sails, giving the Kobayashi Maru a much needed boost of speed. Overhead black storm clouds were forming, filling the sky. Lighting flashed its way across the sky, though curiously enough it made no noise. The Zerg flyers took no notice, preferring to remain focused on their prey. Apparently strange weather patterns meant nothing to them.

But that was when the first of the black cyclones descended. It shot down from the sky and expanded. All nearby Zerg were sucked into its funnel and, to Kaguya's surprised horror, torn to pieces.

Several other tornadoes formed, ripping the Zerg army apart. Kaguya had no idea what was going on. She had no idea what was causing this. She didn't even know if she should be horrified or relieved. All she could do was stand and stare.

This time, the Zerg on the ship reacted. They seemed to forget Kaguya and Rumia immediately and turned to howl at the storm that was now wiping out their comrades. They began to abandon ship en masse, leaping into the ocean to head back toward the shore. Whether they intended to help their companions or perhaps even challenge the storm head-on Kaguya could not discern. At any rate, they were also snatched up and shredded.

And then it was over, just as suddenly as it had begun. The remaining Zerg turned tail and fled, heading back inland. The murderous cyclones, apparently satisfied with the carnage they had wrought, slowed and faded away. Above, the storm clouds were likewise coming apart. Soon the surprise winds had died down and the sun was shining as brightly as it had before.

Kaguya glanced around the ship. The ichor and gore from the Zerg they had slaughtered still coated the deck, but otherwise things had returned to the way they had been. The ship was drifting away from the island at a leisurely pace as the waves beat a calm but steady rhythm on the ship's sides.

Something thudded against the deck behind her. Kaguya turned to see that Rumia had fallen backward on her butt. The self-proclaimed lockpicker's eyes were open wide with shock and her jaw was hanging open. "Wha…what was that?" she gasped. "D-d-did you do that? Kaguya, was that you?"

Kaguya shook her head. "No, not me. I was actually going to ask you the same thing."

"I…I…Where in the world did that come from? I mean, did you see that? It just came out of nowhere and swallowed them up! And then…"

Her voice trailed off and she just stared at the wooden planks. Kaguya, whose legs were also feeling a little week, lowered herself into a sitting position.

For several minutes neither of them spoke. The strangeness of what they had just seen was too much to adequately comment on. And then Rumia's head perked up. She pulled herself to her shaky legs and stumbled her way over to Mokou's still deceased body.

"How long is she going to be like this?" she asked. "Shouldn't she have regenerated by now?"

Kaguya stood to her feet. "Decapitation slows it down," she said as she walked over. "It's more than just regrowing some organs or healing burns. She has to grow an entirely new head. That's much more complicated."

"She's going to grow an entirely new head? That's…interesting. What'll happen to the old one?"

"Nothing. That part usually stays dead. I actually have a collection of shrunken Mokou heads back home. Sometimes, if I'm really pissed at her, I'll leave one for her to find, along with an appropriately worded message. Or I'll stuff it full of gunpowder and shove it down her throat."

"And people say I'm messed up," Rumia muttered. "What if we were to put the old head back on? Would that speed things up, since all she'll have to fix is the neck?"

"Sure, but I'd actually prefer it if you didn't. I could use a few Mokou-free minutes, and this truce means I can't make them happen on my own."

"Huh." Rumia looked down at Mokou's remains. She thoughtfully rubbed her chin. "I wonder…"

Kaguya cocked her head. "You wonder what?"

"Well, I was just thinking. You said that your powers got all weird before, right?"

"Only once, and that was probably because I was still getting used to this place."

"Okay, but still, I'm wondering: what if things got weird for her again, and her powers started pulling double-duty?"

Kaguya didn't like what was being suggested. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, you know," Rumia said with a shrug. "What if while her body is growing a head, her head starts growing a new body? Like a starfish, soon we have two Mokous to-"

She never got the chance to finish that thought, as Kaguya had suddenly shoved her aside as she scrambled toward Mokou's body. The Lunarian princess snatched up Mokou's head and shoved it back onto its neck.

"Come on, heal!" Kaguya shouted. She twisted it around, making sure that the vertebrae were lined up. "I am not dealing with two of you! Heal already!"

For the longest of moments nothing happened. Then, to Kaguya's immense relief, the skin started to pull together. There was a grinding sound as the spinal column reattached itself and became whole. All the while, Mokou's head twitched and wobbled back and forth.

Then Mokou's already open eyes popped even wider and she starting gagging. She shoved Kaguya aside and pitched forward onto her palms and knees. She retched and blood, bile, and white fragments that Kaguya guessed where bits of bone fell from her mouth to splatter onto the deck, mixing with the gore left from the Zerg.

Shaking, she straightened into a sitting position. "Okay, that one was unpleasant," she said. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "What happened?"

"You got your head chopped off," Kaguya explained. "Not me this time, by the way."

"Yeah, I remember that big bastard. What happened then? Why aren't we digested?"

"We almost were," Rumia said. "But then we were saved by…uh…" She glanced over to Kaguya, her eyes pleading for some kind of explanation.

"By one of the most blatant Deux ex Machinas I have seen in my long, long life," Kaguya said. "And believe me, I've seen a lot. Usually I'd be complaining, but since this time it's saving my ass instead for a change, I think I'll let it slide."

Mokou stared at her. She turned to Rumia. "I…didn't understand a word of that."

"Hey, don't look at me," Rumia said, shrugging. "You know her better than I do. If anything, you're supposed to be translating the crazy Kaguya-talk to me!"

Kaguya wanted to kill both of them. "A bunch of swirly clouds of death came down and killed all the Zerg, all right?" she snapped. "It's weird, I know. I don't get it, but we're stuck in a godsdamned dream world. So just deal with it?"

"Um…" Mokou looked to Rumia for clarification. Rumia just shrugged again and nodded, as if to say, "Something like that."

"Well, okay. We were saved by the disgusting monsters by a death storm out of nowhere. Glad that's out of the way," Mokou said as she rose to her feet. She started to use her flames to clean herself. "Though there's one more thing that needs to be cleared up."

Kaguya eyed the mess on the deck. "Tell me about it. Don't go burning that stuff off, though. I don't think this boat's fireproof."

"I didn't mean literally. There's one more thing I don't get."

"Mokou, get serious," Kaguya said with a smirk. "The number of things you don't get could fill a small-"

"How do you know what those things are called?" Mokou asked.

Kaguya's internal reaction to that question was not quite unlike flying at breakneck speed only to have someone grab you by the hair. The remainder of her mocking observation was derailed, and she faltered as she tried to bring her mind back on track. "Wait…wha…"

"You called those monsters 'The Zerg'. I didn't know that name, and Rumia didn't either. How did you know?"

Grimacing, Kaguya gave herself a mental kick. Mokou just had to pick up on that slip of tongue. "Uh, the Zerg. Right. See, they're…" She quickly searched her brain for some kind of plausible sounding explanation, anything other than "They're from a video game I really like."

"This race that the Lunarians have gone to war with in the past!" she blurted out. "I read about them in histories, and saw recordings of the war! That's where I know them from!"

Now it was Mokou's turn to smirk. "So you are responsible for them being here."

Kaguya grimaced. One step to the side, no steps forward. "I…uh…" She shot Rumia a pleading look. Rumia shrugged once again and said, "Hey, don't look at me. I was thinking the same thing. She just got to the accusations first."

"Well, what I meant to say what that they reminded me of the Zerg," Kaguya quickly said. "There's similarities. Not saying that they're actually the-"

"Save it, Moonbitch," Mokou said. "We're in your deranged mind now. Admit it."

Rumia cleared her throat. "Actually, there's a problem with that theory."

"Shut up," Mokou said to her. "Wait until I'm done making her look like a fool."

"I am not interested in waiting that long. And there's still a problem. We can't have gotten into Kaguya's subconscious or whatever already."

"Yeah? And why not? Because those things sure as hell didn't come from me."

"I know. It's a paradox. But still, the fact remains that we haven't left your little world yet. No thresholds were passed, the center of your unconscious mind was not accessed."

"How do you know?" Mokou demanded. "What about the burning of Kamakura and that thing with my brother? Anyone else remember that? Seems to have been pretty personal to me!"

"So what? Unless your entire life has revolved around those two ugly instances, those were just little dark secrets from the back of your mind! And seeing how long you've been wreaking havoc, there's probably hundreds more just like them! No, we haven't left yet. Trust me on this."

"Then explain Kaguya's monsters showing up in huge numbers!" Mokou shouted. She pointed an accusatory finger at the girl in question. "I haven't even heard of these things until now!"

"Hmmm, yes. That is strange," Rumia said as she rubbed her chin. She closed her eyes and touched a finger to her temple as she thought. "Well, there's one possible explanation. What could have happened is-"

"Mokou decided to go through my games?" Kaguya suggested. "And the Zerg frightened her so badly that she started having nightmares?"

"I thought you said that they were from Lunarian history," Mokou said in a mild voice.

Kaguya rolled her eyes. No point in hiding it now. "I lied. They're from a game. I play games. Get over it."

"Nerd."

"No!" Rumia shouted. "No, no, no! My gods, you two have over a thousand years apiece and yet you still have the attention span of kindergarteners! Can we have one conversation that doesn't descend into pointless bickering?"

"How about pointy bickering?" Kaguya suggested. She held up both her swords. "I can get behind that."

"Finally we agree on something," Mokou said.

Rumia buried her face in her palm. "Out of all the traveling companions to be stuck with…Look, it's perfectly simple. Instead of both of you having your own little private dream worlds to explore and cut through, it's possible that Rin Satsuki melded your subconsciouses together to create one big world. A hybrid."

Kaguya and Mokou stopped their quarrel immediately. Almost in unison, they turned to stare at her.

"Wait," Kaguya said. "You're saying that my mind and hers are now…connected?"

"It's possible…"

"No!" Mokou suddenly screamed. "No, no, no nononononoNO! I do not have a mental link with this…this inbred, brainless, soulless, failure of a lunatic princess!"

Kaguya whirled around to face her. "Say that to my face!"

"I just did!"

"Will you two just shut up!" Rumia screeched. "It's just a theory, all right?"

"And. It's. Wrong!" Mokou snarled. "We left my mind and entered hers. It's the only possible explanation."

"No it's not!" Kaguya said. "We don't know for sure that this is my mind. I mean, it's not like there was a big flashing sign that said 'Welcome to Kaguyaland, enjoy your stay!' Though come to think of it, that would be pretty awesome."

"What, are you blind? Where else could those Zerk have come from?"

"Zerg. And that alone doesn't prove it. You've invaded my home plenty of times. I've got posters and stuff."

"Like I pay attention to those when I'm trying to avoid the guards and stab out your eyes!"

Rumia rolled her eyes. "Okay…This isn't going to end any time soon. I'm going below deck. You two just keep screaming at each other. See if that produces a workable solution."

"It usually does," Kaguya said. "Of course, that solution usually involves bits of Mokou being scattered all over the place."

"Don't flatter yourself, Moonbitch," Mokou said. "I've dismembered you just as many times, if not more."

"Like I said, look me up when you stop acting like a bunch of kids," Rumia said as she walked past them. "Of course, we'll probably have gone right around the world before that…"

Rumia's words died on her lips. She stopped short and stared at the sky.

"Oh, what's with you?" Kaguya said crossly. "I thought you were busy storming off angrily and the like."

Mokou, however, had also noticed what Rumia was looking at. "The sun's going down."

"So?" Kaguya said. "It's the sun, it…" Then realization struck her. "Oh, wait. Damn it."

"Funny that it's finally decided to act naturally," Rumia muttered. "After all, it hasn't so much as moved for hours."

"So, what does this mean?" Mokou asked.

"It means the dream is changing," Kaguya muttered. "End previous scene, begin next act."

"Great. So whose nightmare are we gonna have to fight our way out of now?"

"No way of telling," Rumia said. "This can't be good though. Are either of you afraid of the dark?"

Kaguya snorted back laughter while Mokou rolled her eyes.

"No? Well, you should be. Dreams heighten our basic instincts. Lust, greed, attachment, and especially fear. Fear of the dark is about as basic as you can get. There's always a monster in the shadows. In dreams this is taken literally. I'd advise we watch our step here."

"How very philosophical of you," Mokou muttered. "Especially since as a youkai, and not a particularly nice one at that, you are the monster in the shadows."

Rumia grinned. "Then I'm qualified to judge. But still, there's always a bigger predator. And in here, there's no tellin-HOLY SHIT!"

Kaguya jumped up at her exclamation, but as it turned out Rumia wasn't reacting to danger, but surprise. The sun had disappeared completely and the stars had come out. All of them.

"Wow," Mokou said as she stared upward. "I've never seen so many of them. And definitely not this bright."

Rumia's eye, however, were focused at a point beyond her head. "Mokou. Kaguya. Turn around. L-look over there."

They did. Mokou's jaw dropped open and she had to grab the mast to steady herself. It was quite literally a sight unlike any she had ever seen and beyond anything she could have imagined. For Kaguya thought it was much worse, as it was a sight that she had seen before and never wanted to see again.

The bright sphere of the Earth hung suspended in the sky past the sails. It was huge, taking up nearly a third of the sky. Beyond the swirls of clouds Kaguya could pick out oceans, continents, and islands.

"It can't be," Kaguya whispered. "It…can't…"

She rushed to the side of the ship and looked down. She had to keep herself from screaming.

The ocean was gone, disappeared as completely as Kamakura had. In its place was a rolling desert of grey dust and rocks, pock-marked with craters. And yet the Kobayashi Maru was sailing forward just as smoothly as if it were still in water.

"The Moon," Kaguya breathed. "I'm back on the…But no, that's impossible. We can't be…Please, not here…"

Mokou was at her side in the instant. "What? We're in your old…" She peered over the edge. Her face went pale. "Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit!"

Kaguya just shook her head. She took a step back only to stumble onto her behind as her legs seemed to lose their strength.

"But still, there's no denying it now, right?" Mokou said. "We're in her world. This is about as much proof as you can get. We're in Kaguya's world now, right?"

"Maybe," Rumia said. She walked over to stare at the ocean of moon dust with evident interest. "This still might be a hybrid though. But I think we can say with certainty that we are not exclusively in your subconscious." She turned to Kaguya. "And hey, this is actually good news for you! Think of it as a vacation home!"

Kaguya curled her knees up under her chin and covered her head with her arms. She started to cry.

It's been a while since we've had one of these, huh? I'm starting to consider this to be my breather story, something to go have fun with when things over in Imperfect Metamorphosis start to get too heavy. Whenever I need a break, I can just come here and have Kaguya and Mokou kick ass, drop pop-culture references and die in amusing ways. Funny about it being so short though, seeing how IM just got the longest chapter it's ever seen. But whatev, we need the occasional breezy chapter.

In other news, how about Ten Desires being announced? Pretty exciting stuff, huh? Can't wait to see what new characters ZUN has for us to play with! :D

Until next time, everyone!