Chapter 17
Kelly let his breath out slowly as he twisted to his left side.
'Seven…' he counted to himself.
Three more…then one more set…and his session was over. Then he'd go to the "cool down" area and ice his shoulder…and his ribs…and Alyssa would come in and sit beside him. He'd tell her everything he had done. It was like he was one of the kids. Every day, the first thing he asked Andy and Jesse when they got home was 'how was school today?' and 'what'd you do?'.
'How was physical therapy today, Kelly? What'd you do today?'
'Nine…' slow breaths, he reminded himself. One continuous movement.
This was prob'ly the hardest exercise he'd had to do so far. He had to reach back behind him, grab the handle of the pulley weight…and bring it over his shoulder while twisting his trunk to the opposite side. It was for core strengthening…and right now, he didn't have any.
The irony was he used to do this exercise all the time with over a hundred pounds of weight. He could do it all day long.
'No…' he stopped himself. 'No negative thoughts. Concentrate on the good things.'
He forced himself to think about the great weekend they'd had. Saturday he'd gone to Andy and Jesse's baseball game for the first time all summer. He was there to watch them hold the other team to only one run…and the one-two combination of Andy at pitcher and Jesse at first base…pretty lethal. Both boys had scored big runs. Andy had three RBI's and Jesse had two. Their team won 7-1…and it was prob'ly safe to say Kelly was the proudest dad there.
They made a whole family outing of it…him and Lyssa…Maggie playing on the blanket beside his chair…and afterwards he had bought them all ice cream.
He was half way through his last set.
'Seven…eight…nine…and ten.'
He let the weight fall back slowly…controlled movements…and he rotated his shoulder a few times. Then he grabbed his towel and his water bottle…nodded curtly to his usually chatty neighbor on the leg extension machine…and went to meet Lyssa.
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The 'neighbor' as a twenty-some year old guy…a firefighter…just finished with his candidacy. He was on Truck 34 and he was rehabbing a broken ankle. That was all fine…and Kelly had talked to him…until last week when the guy was cheerfully going on and on about how great it had been to have the whole summer off like this. How his girlfriend didn't have school…and they got to spend all the time together. Oh…and he let it slip that his injury was a result of a drunken water-skiing accident. Not a work related thing.
Kelly had looked at the guy with utter contempt. How many times had he had to go mop up a drunk driving accident? Or pull an injured boater out of the lake…because alcohol and water don't necessarily mix.
This kid wouldn't have made it through his candidacy if he'd been assigned to Station 51…and Kelly told him so.
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Alyssa was waiting for him and he couldn't help but smile when he saw she already had the cold packs for him. He leaned down and gave her a little kiss before he stretched out on the table. She packed the ice around his shoulder…and then she sat beside him, slowly easing the other cold pack against his side.
Her gentle touch immediately relaxed him…and her smile…that special smile that was just for him…made his heart skip a beat.
It had been a huge thing for him to go into PT by himself this time around. When he was discharged from the hospital…for the first month and a half…and he could admit this now…he just laid around feeling sorry for himself. When he came in for therapy he wanted Alyssa there for everything. And honestly, even though she pushed him and encouraged him to do what he had to do, she was a lot softer than the therapists. She let him take it slower… she let him rest between sets…and she was always sympathetic when he complained about how much it hurt.
He'd never been such a big baby before…and just thinking about it now was embarrassing. About a month ago, though, he found her having a meltdown in their bathroom. All of the sudden everything had come crashing down on her…taking care of him 24/7, doing everything for him, trying to take care of the kids and do all the things she usually did…so their lives could get back to normal. She felt like she was failing miserably…that she was neglecting the kids especially.
Finding her like that had been like someone throwing cold water in his face. And Kelly had realized that what happened to him affected the whole family too. He'd been so focused on his own pain, he hadn't realized that everyone who loved him was hurting right along with him.
"How'd you do, Babe?" Alyssa asked quietly.
"Okay…" he answered. "It's still slow…"
"It'll get better…"
He nodded. He knew he was making progress…just not as quickly as he'd like.
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"Did you check on the kids?" he asked.
That morning they had sent their children off in two different directions. The twins had gone north…with Vargas and their cousins to Great America. Kelly had asked Jose if he was crazy…taking six boys to the theme park?
But Vargas just grinned…
"I got plenty of help…" he said as he turned to Declan. "Right, Candidate?"
"Yes, Sir!" Declan answered with a huge grin.
He had been accepted to the CPFTA…and he hadn't stopped smiling since the day the letter came. But he had a right to be proud. The kid had worked his ass off…he was still working his ass off. Declan hadn't slacked off on his training one little bit. He was still working out every day with Vargas…or Mills…or Chief Boden. He was working as a junior counselor at the summer program at St. Pasqual's…and he helped coach Andy, Jesse and his little brother Connor's baseball team.
And Kelly was so damn proud of him. That was the kind of firefighter the city needed. Not the knucklehead who was happy to get the summer off …even if he had to break his ankle to do it.
Maggie had gone with Mouch to the Children's Museum on Navy Pier. They had some exhibit called The Storybook Garden…and it was life-sized dioramas of scenes from different fairy tales. She'd been to see it five times already…once with Leslie…once with Morgan (and cameraman)…and three times with Uncle Mouch. Today would be number four.
Mouch said he loved to watch how her face lit up when she saw her favorite stories come to life…but Hollywood had shared his suspicion that the real reason was that he was sweet on the lady who volunteered as Mother Goose.
Kelly was really hoping he and Lyssa could take her themselves before it closed. Morgan was great about recording everything for Kelly…but this was one thing he wanted to see for himself.
Alyssa nodded.
"Jose said everything was fine. The boys were being good…listening…not running off in different directions."
"Is he sure he's still got the right kids?" Kelly quipped.
But he knew the boys were good…they just got a little over excited sometimes.
"And Maggie had another meltdown."
"Did she try to eat the candy house again?" he asked.
It was prob'ly the funniest story he'd ever heard. When Maggie saw the witch's house from Hansel and Gretel she squealed with delight…and tried to break off a piece of candy and eat it…only to discover it was fake. Then she cried and cried.
The problem was…she kept forgetting. Every time she tried to eat the candy. And every time she burst into tears.
Alyssa smiled and Kelly chuckled softly.
"So how bad was it?" he asked.
"Nothing an ice cream cone with extra sprinkles won't fix, I'm sure…" she replied.
Kelly chuckled again…then winced at the little stab of pain in his ribs.
"I'm sorry, Baby…" Lyssa said as she repositioned the ice pack slightly.
"I think I'm gonna need a little extra TLC when we get home." He 'pouted'.
That was another thing he missed.
Soon…hopefully…soon.
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July turned into August…and Kelly felt like he finally turned a corner. On August third…he went the whole day without needing to take any pain medication…not even Ibuprophen.
That was huge for him. Even though he didn't do anything too taxing…just getting through the day and not having to swallow pills down every four or six hours…he couldn't remember the last time he'd done that.
He actually realized it when he and Alyssa getting ready for bed.
They put the kids down…and they were finally alone.
That was another thing…they just recently stopped having someone sleeping over every night. Now it was just the five of them together in the house. Just their family…and as much as he and Alyssa appreciated everything Casey and Shay, Mills, Dawson and Vargas and Morgan had done…it was good to just be alone together at night.
They still had people coming during the day…to stay with Maggie and run the boys wherever they wanted to go while Alyssa took Kelly to all his various appointments.
But the nights were theirs again.
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Alyssa gave Maggie her bath…and Kelly sat in there with them…listening to Lyssa and Maggie sing little songs…and play with the letters that stuck to the side of the tub. They played with her princess toys…and the little squirty fish.
That used to be his special time with Maggie…but he still couldn't get down on the floor…and he couldn't lift her yet…all twenty-eight pounds of her. But he could hold her on his lap and read her stories…or watch 'Beauty and the Beast', or 'Tangled'…or whichever princess was her current favorite. Right now it was the one with the curly red hair and the Scottish accent…Merida…that was it. After that it was Ariel.
He could tuck her in after Lyssa put her in her crib. He hoped he'd be able do it all himself again soon…but for now, sharing that time with his girls was just fine.
After that the boys took their showers…and got in their pj's. They scampered up the ladders to their lofted beds…and he could tuck them in. Jesse liked to read before he went to sleep…so he could have his light on for another twenty minutes. Andy could care less. And he could sleep through an earthquake…or a meteor shower. He just turned over and closed his eyes.
Slowly…everything was getting back to normal in the Severide house.
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Kelly shut the door to their room…Alyssa was already turning down the bed and he caught her around the waist. He turned her to face him.
"Let's take a shower…"
That was something they'd always done…even all the times he was hurt. Sometimes he needed her to hold onto. Sometimes he needed her to hold him, especially when he couldn't put weight on a leg or a foot…but mostly he needed her to just calm his fears…and that was one of the times he really could pour them all out to her…where no one else could hear…where no one else could interrupt them.
Most of the time, though…it was just an excuse to touch…not that they ever needed an excuse. But the feeling of skin on skin…pressed up close with no barriers in the way. Alyssa rubbing those slow, rhythmic circles across his back, his shoulders, his chest…all the tension, all the stress just washed away down the drain along with the soap bubbles.
That was something else he had missed…when he had first come home, he couldn't even stand long enough for a shower…and as much as he hated it…that was the one piece of adaptive equipment he had to have. A chair they set inside the walk in shower. And Alyssa had to stand outside to help him wash.
In the last few weeks the bath chair…shower chair…whatever…had finally been relegated to some deep, dark, hidden corner in the basement. Kelly wanted to put it out by the curb with the garbage…but Alyssa told him to just wait...soon…
When they finished she wrapped a big bath sheet around her tiny frame and then helped him to towel off. He took the towel from her…he was okay…he said. He wrapped it around his waist and stepped carefully over to the vanity. He brushed his teeth…he didn't need her to set everything up for him anymore. He was able to use his right arm for most everything again.
Out of habit he reached into the medicine chest and grabbed the bottle of pills. Then he stopped…and he just looked at it for a minute.
It was the same bottle from Walgreens…it had his name on it…the pain specialist's name…and the words 'take one to two tablets every four to six hours as needed for pain'.
As needed…
"What's wrong, Kelly?" Alyssa asked.
"Nothing…" he answered.
And he realized that he meant it.
"When did you take your medicine last?" she asked him.
Then it dawned on him.
"I didn't take it at all today. I didn't take anything."
He put the bottle back into the cabinet. And then he turned to his wife.
"I didn't take anything…all day. I didn't need it…"
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There were other 'firsts'…
Now that he could turn his trunk without his sides screaming in pain…he was able to pull his t-shirt over his head. And he could bend again…so Lyssa didn't had to help him with his shorts and his socks…he could even bend down to tie his own shoes.
The first time he did it…he hadn't even planned to try. Lyssa just got his things from the dresser and was about to help him…just like she'd been doing for months and months. But then Andy and Jesse had started fighting in their room…and she ran in there to referee.
Kelly could hear the fight…they'd get quiet…but then suddenly there was another outburst. Jesse called his brother 'stupid'…and them was fightin' words for Andy. The arguing escalated and Alyssa raised her voice over the shouting…
"Am not!"
"Are so!"
"You take that back!"
"Make me!"
Kelly quickly pulled his shirt over his head and his shorts on.
Not bothering with socks and shoes…he went down the hall to find Lyssa trying to keep two boys who were almost as big as she was from hitting one another.
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"Hey!"
The sound of Dad's voice booming from the door as enough to stop the twins cold.
"That's enough! Both of you!"
"But Dad! Jesse said I was stupid!" Andy protested.
"You are stupid!" Jesse shouted at him. "You messed up my stuff!"
"I said…that's enough!" Kelly said, stepping into the room. "I don't care who did what or who said what. You two don't hit each other! That's not okay!"
He took a few steps closer…and he took Andy by the arm.
"Andy…you need to go downstairs. Sit on the couch…and don't move till I come down there!"
He steered Andy out the door of the bedroom.
Then he came back for Jesse.
"And Jesse…get up on your bed. And you don't move till I come back!"
Jesse hung his head and climbed the ladder to his bed. Once he was sitting cross-legged in the middle Kelly held out his hand to Alyssa.
The two of them went back to their room.
That's when they both realized that not only had Kelly gotten dressed by himself…but he'd handled the twins arguing for the first time in months.
It was a big thing…and they hugged one another close before he sat down on the bed to finish getting ready.
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He stopped outside the twins' room…and he gave Lyssa a little kiss before she went into Maggie's room to pluck her out of her crib. Then the girls headed downstairs…he didn't need her to help him with that anymore.
He squared his shoulders and went to deal with his son.
"Okay Jess…tell me what happened."
Jesse looked up, his bottom lip trembling a little bit.
"Andy messed up my drawer! He was looking for his shirt…and he couldn't find it…so he tooked mine! He didn't even ask!"
Kelly wiped his hand down his face. The boys still had a lot of matching shirts…especially the ones that said 'My Dad is a firefighter' or other similar sentiments. But Jesse was right. Just because they had the same thing didn't mean it was community property.
"I'll talk to your brother." He said. "But that doesn't make it okay for you to call him names…and it definitely doesn't make it okay to hit each other. Do you understand me?"
Jesse nodded.
"Okay…c'mon down."
Jesse climbed back down the ladder…and Kelly steered him out the door and down the stairs.
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They went into the living room where Andy sat pouting on the couch.
"Okay, Andy…let's have it."
"I wanted my fire truck shirt! But it wasn't in my drawer!"
"You wore it the other day…remember? Kelly reminded him. "It's prob'ly still in the wash. That doesn't mean you can take your brother's."
"Jesse said I was stupid!" Andy pointed out…hoping to deflect some of the heat off him.
"I already talked to Jesse. Now I'm talkin' to you." Kelly told him. "I know you don't like gettin' called names…but you were wrong to take your brother's things…and no matter what…you guys don't hit each other. You understand?"
Andy nodded.
"Okay…now you two apologize to each other…"
Alyssa came into the living room carrying Maggie on her hip.
"Let's get ready…" she said.
"Where are we goin'?" Jesse asked.
"I thought we'd go down to the pier…" she said with a smile. "Maybe grab lunch?"
"At the Billy Goat Tavern!" Andy shouted.
That was their favorite place for hamburgers in the city!
"Or Bubba Gump Shrimp Company?" Jesse asked.
"We're gonna let Daddy pick…" Lyssa said with a smile.
That was fine with the boys…and Alyssa set Maggie down.
All three kids ran toward the back room…the boys chattering with excitement as they went.
And Maggie struggled to keep up.
"Wait…" she cried. "Wait for Maggie…"
She didn't know where they were going…but if her big brothers were this excited it had to be someplace fun.
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Kelly caught Alyssa around the waist.
"What's the occasion?" Not that he was complaining. Navy Pier was one of their favorite places to go…and they hadn't been there as a family all summer.
"I just thought we should celebrate…" she said.
Whether they wanted to say it out loud or not…him getting dressed without any help was a huge deal. That's not to say he'd necessarily be able to do it again tomorrow…but every little step toward normalcy…and, well, things hadn't been 'normal' for the past six months. That was something to celebrate.
He smiled…and leaned down to capture her lips with his for a little kiss.
"C'mon…"she said when they reluctantly parted. "Let's get going…and you start thinking about where you want to eat."
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They settled on the food court…so everyone could get what they liked best…and then they strolled up and down the pier…Kelly and Lyssa pushing Maggie in her stroller…looking in some of their favorite shops.
They all bought new Cubs shirts in Chicago Sports…even if they were in last place…it was still their team.
At Ahoy Chicago they bought a new picture frame…with the Pier along the bottom. They'd get a picture of all of them…and it would be a great memory of the day.
And in Making History…they found a book with a photo history of the CFD…and Kelly bought Alyssa a crystal heart at Dancing Sun Crystals.
Of course they gorged themselves on Haagen Dazs ice cream and Garrett's Popcorn. Kelly and the boys raced the radio controlled boats. And they all rode the Carousel…and the Ferris Wheel. It was Maggie's first time and Kelly even paid for the photos so they could remember the day.
The whole family was exhausted when they finally pulled into the drive. Maggie was asleep in her car seat…and Kelly turned in the passenger seat to look at his three sleepy, sweaty, slightly sun burnt children.
"What'd you think, boys?" he asked.
"Best day ever!" Andy said.
"Yeah…best day ever!" Jesse agreed.
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Kelly had a doctor's appointment the next day…and the doctor was really pleased with his progress. If he could keep it up…he'd be able to get back to work soon. Maybe even before the first of the year.
That was big…BIG…news.
Kelly and Alyssa left the doctor's office…neither one could even speak…it was so much to take in.
"C'mon…" he said as he reached for her hand. "Let's walk…"
They walked along the Lake…along the path to their spot. The place where Kelly had proposed. He slipped his arm around her…as they looked out over the water.
"I'm gonna get back…" he said quietly…not really believing it was all happening. "I'm gonna do it, Lyssa. I'm still gonna be a firefighter."
Alyssa pressed close against him…still not daring to hug him too tight.
"I told you, Baby…I knew if anyone could come back from all this…it was gonna be you."
"I wanna celebrate…" he said. "I wanna take you out…someplace special. Anywhere you want to go."
"I don't care where we go, Kelly…you pick. I'm just so happy…"
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They ended up at the Chicago Firehouse. It seemed appropriate. They started with the Lobster Bisque…and Kelly had a Porterhouse steak. Lyssa got a filet…and they shared sides of wild mushrooms and grilled asparagus.
It was the perfect night…the boys were having a sleepover at Hollywood's place…and Maggie was staying with Alyssa's parents…so they came home to a quiet house.
In their room…with the moonlight peeking through the blinds…he turned to his beautiful wife.
He shed his jacket and tossed it on the love seat. Then he pulled Alyssa flush against him and reached behind her to unzip her black lace dress. He slid it off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor. She unbuttoned his black dress shirt…and he shivered with anticipation as he felt her fingers through the thin fabric.
His desire for her heightened when she placed little kisses across his bare chest. He caught his breath…and she reached up to slide the shirt off his shoulders. She took a few moments to slide her hands across his skin…before she reached down to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants.
While she was doing that…he reached around and unfastened her strapless bra…then moved down to her black lace panties. As his trousers fell to the floor…he stepped out of them and led her over to the bed.
They didn't even bother to turn down the covers…he couldn't wait another minute. It had been so long…too long…and in that moment he wanted her so bad it hurt.
She felt the same way…as she slid his boxers off of him…and she was immediately ready for him.
But he took another minute…he caressed every beautiful inch of her…and he pulled back to look deeply into her eyes.
As usual…the love he found there astounded him. He still couldn't get over that they were still so in love even after ten years of marriage.
Alyssa rose up to meet him…and they held each other as close as they possibly could. He knew just what she needed…she knew just what he wanted. And as they moved together, slowly, tenderly…letting their passion mount until they couldn't hold back any longer…
Finally spent…he rolled off of her…she reached down and pulled the throw from over the foot board and wrapped it around them. They tangled themselves together beneath the light cotton blanket…and he tangled his fingers in her long, brown hair…pulling her against him. He continued to run his hands over her silky soft skin…inhaling the scent of her lemon scented shampoo and the bath splash she dabbed on like perfume…
It was perfect…it was like the first time…but it was so familiar…so safe…so warm.
"I love you, Alyssa…" he whispered in the dark. "I love you more than life itself."
"And I love you, Kelly…"she whispered back. "You're my 'forever'…"
"There's no doubt in my mind."
