Hidden treasure part 5 EPILOGUE
Two months after the accident, Hannibal was finally back in charge of his unit. Everybody was happy to have him back and the Colonel himself had missed his companions very much. It was a relief for him to be back on active duty, he had never been a very patient man and he was starting to get bored and annoyed at doctors telling him to take it easy and rest. He was a Ranger, a man of action and his place was with his team and with his boys, in the middle of the battle.
Since Face was called back on active duty himself three weeks after the accident, he wasn't able to spend much time with the Colonel and Hannibal missed him.
Hannibal had originally planned a perfect declaration of love for his beautiful boy, with flowers and wine and a perfect full moon to shine over them, bathing them in a silver haze; he would have knelt down in front of him, took his hand in his own and looking at him in the eyes he would had said the three magic words and Face would have been surprised, at the beginning, then his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, would have clouded, just for a moment, and then shone with tears of joy. And he would have asked Hannibal to stand up and embrace him, holding him close and drinking in his scent, asking him if he was dreaming. 'No, baby, this is not a dream' Hannibal would have said and then they would have stopped talking, Face capturing the Colonel's lips in a romantic and yet possessive kiss that lasted forever.
But he could never find the perfect time to do it; with each passing day Hannibal's resolution faded, convinced that Face seemed just perfectly fine the way he was. There was no need for Hannibal to ruin the perfect relationship that they had, because he feared that once Face knew about his real feelings for him he would run away from him.
So it was quite a shock when he had found the kid asleep in his bed, resting with his head on his shoulder. The moment he woke up and realized where he was, Hannibal knew it was time for him to be honest with his lieutenant and he reluctantly admitted that yes, he loved him not like a father or like a friend, he *loved* him, in that way. When Face didn't run away from him Hannibal felt his heart melting and he was the happiest man in the world.
Since that night, the two men shared the same bed and learnt how to love each other, despite the fact they made love just a couple of times. Hannibal was an old fashioned man, he had waited years to confess his love to his man and now he wasn't going to rush things; sex was a good thing and he loved to do it with his boy, but he needed much more than that. He wanted someone to hold on to, someone to love with all his heart and maybe someone to spend all his life with, growing old together and that kind of thing.
He was satisfied about how things were going between him and Face. However, when it was declared he was able to do his job again, it seemed Face didn't take it so well. Hannibal couldn't really explain why he believed it, it was just something he could feel but not describe in words.
Face was his usual self, always smiling and being cheerful with everybody; with him, he was professional and efficient on the job as usual, while in private they indulged in sexual activities the Colonel's injuries had prevented before. Face was really good at that, and the Colonel hoped to be able to give him as much pleasure as the Kid gave him. But then, after they made love, Face would only crash on the bed beside his lover and sleep like the dead.
Hannibal missed the long conversations they had while he was still recovering, the time spent just holding him without saying a world, happy to be each other's arms.
Not that Face wasn't passionate with him, quite the contrary. But it seemed somehow distant, detached from him in a way he couldn't describe. The Colonel was afraid to ask Face about it, he didn't want to appear anxious or too hovering; he supposed if Face had something to say, he would have come to him and talked, like he had promised.
Of course the LT didn't. Hannibal was busy and didn't notice how distant Face really was. Truth was Face was afraid to talk to Hannibal, not wanting to ruin their newborn relationship but not being able, at the same time, to be honest with him. He knew he wasn't doing any good to him, to them, but he couldn't help it.
One night Face went out with Murdock, to celebrate the last mission's success. The pilot knew something was bothering the younger man and didn't waste time, as soon as they were alone he started his questioning on the subject until Face admitted there was something wrong.
"I've kept an eye on you, muchacho. I know there's something wrong, care to tell me what's bothering you?" the Captain asked.
"I really don't know how to explain it, Murdock. I feel good, really I do. I like it when I am with Hannibal, I am honest when I say that I love him. But…"
"But there is a but…" Murdock interrupted.
"The fact is I don't know how to behave. I mean, it's like I am split into two different people. In private, he's so possessive and I love it, sometimes I have a hard time to keep up with his pace. He's a great lover! But he's also sweet and caring and the way he holds me, God, I can *feel* how much he loves me and he cares for me. But when we are working it's like he is a different person. Not that I'd want him to kiss me in public but… I don't know, I 'm afraid to do anything to embarrass him and to put him in danger, you know, DADT and so on…" Face explained.
Murdock remained silent for a while, then smiled warmly at him.
"Did you tell him?"
"Tell him what?"
"What you just told me."
"Of course not, HM! He doesn't need to be bothered with such stupid issues."
"They're not stupid issues. If the situation is stressing you, I think the best you could do is talk with the Colonel!"
Face released a nervous laugh.
"Are you kidding?" he asked.
"No, I'm not. I'm serious, Facey. If you want this relationship to last, you have to be honest with the man you love." Murdock explained quietly.
Face knew the pilot was right. As always, he had a particular sensibility that helped him to understand other people.
"I don't want things to change. I don't want to lose him. Now that I've found him, I don't think I could live without him," the LT whispered tiredly.
Murdock felt his heart breaking to see his best friend so depressed. In one swift move, he went to sit beside him and hugged him close.
"Just be honest with him. Believe me, this is the only way!" the pilot stated firmly but in soft voice.
"Thanks HM!" Face replied in a small voice.
§§§
That night, after they made love and they were both relaxing, lying side by side on the bed, Face approached the subject with the Colonel.
"Hannibal… John, I… there's something I need to ask you." Face declared quietly.
The Colonel, who wasn't really surprised by the statement, shifted slightly on the soft surface in order to hold the younger man closer to him and look him in the eyes.
"Ask away, baby."
Face released a long breath and gathered all his courage before speaking again.
"Maybe you think this is stupid but I've been thinking about us… not that there is anything wrong, just… I don't know how to explain, sorry… God, I'm such an idiot!"
Instead of being mad at him, Hannibal reassured the LT, caressing him and encouraging him to explain what was bothering him. "I'm not going anywhere, honey. Take your time!"
Face was immensely grateful to the Colonel for being so adorable with him. He felt that if Hannibal's reaction would have been a bad one, he would have never find the courage to confess to him his feelings. But of course, Hannibal knew perfectly well how to handle his boy.
"The fact is," Face started, "I don't know how to behave with you. I mean, I don't want to cause you any trouble and I'm trying to act normally when we are among people but I'm afraid someone can see what we really are to each other. I don't want to ruin your career." Pausing so as to look at his lover's eyes, he didn't see anger or sadness in them, just resolution and love, unconditional love. That gave Face the strength to go on.
"It seems I am two different people to you: when we are working, I am your XO; when we are in bed or alone, I am your lover. You call me 'Face' or 'Lieutenant' when we are among people, 'baby' or 'honey' when we make love and 'kid' when I do something wrong. Am I really such different people to you? I know we can't really make our relationship official but you seem always so detached, so focused on the mission and sometimes it seems you avoid physical contact with me. I mean, before the accident, you were the one to hug me or pat me on the shoulder, now it seems you're afraid to approach me in front of other people. And I don't understand it."
Hannibal wasn't prepared for that. But the kid was right and he owed him an explanation.
"Oh Face! I'm sorry if I hurt you. I think you're right, I've been avoiding you lately but not because I'm tired of you. On the contrary, I didn't know how you would have reacted to my touch and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."
"John, I…"
"No, please honey. Let me finish. I don't want other people to know how much I love you because they could use our love to destroy us, both of us. Not only my career, Face! I know it's an uncomfortable situation and I tried to make it better, I spent every second of my free time with you and yet I don't think it was enough. I wish I could give you a straightforward relationship but I can't, not in this world, not in the Army. And I know the Army is your world too, I know it's where you wanted to be. So forgive me, baby. Just tell me how you want me to be and I will try to do it.
But there is one thing: I love you with all my heart, you know that, but when we are on a mission I am in charge of you and Murdock and BA. I *have* to think of you not as my lover but as my Lieutenant because if I let my personal feelings for you interfere with work, I cannot take the decisions I have to take. And believe me, it's hard for me. And so yes, you're right: somehow you're two different people to me, on the job you're my super-efficient XO, an excellent sniper and a cool headed soldier and I trust you with my life; in our free time, you're my wonderful boy and I love to take care of you: I love to be the one to hold you in the night when you have a nightmare, I love to make love to you.
Both of you are beautiful. I love you both."
Face was watching the older man with tears in his eyes. He had had many relationships before John, even if he had never felt completely comfortable with women. That was why they had always ended when he had felt too involved. Hannibal made him feel complete and safe. It was a beautiful sensation, nothing he had ever felt before. Face wasn't going to give up on him.
"Thanks John!" he replied quietly. "I didn't realize the situation was stressful for you too. I know it's a difficult situation but I don't want to give up on you, now that I've found you I don't want to let you go."
The Colonel kissed face tenderly on the lips in a silent reply.
"You know, since I've had this," and he started to caress the older man's chest in a soothing and erotic way at the same time "I find it hard not to do it in front of others! You're so gorgeous!"
"You're gonna make me blush, baby!" Hannibal teased the younger man but then, he realized the kid was speaking seriously.
"I know how you feel," he answered then, "because it's the way I feel about you. Have I ever told you how hot are you in fatigues?"
"Not recently," Face purred in his lover's ear. God, he felt he was becoming hard again.
Hannibal noticed the detail and took control of the situation. Face melted in the Colonel's arms and soon they were both panting from the effect of their third orgasm of the evening.
"Are we okay, baby? No regrets?" Hannibal asked finally.
"Not at all. I love you John!"
Hannibal chuckled. "I love you too, Temp!"
"What did you call me?" Face asked. Nobody used to call him by his private first name.
"Temp. Don't you like it?"
"Nobody calls me by my first name".
"Nobody except me!"
"Who are you now? My commanding officer or my lover?"
"Actually, both!"
Face yawned and relaxed in the older man's arms. "I wish we could stay like this forever!"
"Me too. Good night baby!"
"Good night John!"
END
