A/N: So, here we go again :) Thanks as always to Kensi54382 for her beta work and support and to the rest of you guys reading and reviewing!
Disclaimers as usual...
Enjoy!
Kensi had just turned on the TV in the living room, when she heard the noises from the bedroom. She had managed to convince Deeks to go to bed a little over two hours ago, granted with a little help from Sam and Callen. Exhaustion had radiated off of him but he still had refused to go to bed and leave the three agents alone in the living room - after all, "they were there to protect him". The moment when his eyes closed for the tenth time while they were sitting on the couch, the agents finally got him to lie down on the king-size bed.
Sam and Callen had gone shortly after that with the promise to be there next morning with breakfast in their hands. Kensi had said goodbye to them, cleaned up the kitchen – at least a tiny bit – and then showered before she now wanted to watch a little TV, she was sure that there were reruns of Top Model. The day had been nerve-racking for her as well as for the others so she wanted to try and calm down a bit before she tried to get some sleep. Now, however, she muted the television, grabbed her SIG and then tip-toed to the door of the bedroom, behind which Deeks was supposed to be sleeping peacefully.
Kensi pushed the still wet hair from her face and then reassured herself that she wouldn't trip over the too-large sweatpants she was wearing, checked her gun again and then pushed the door with her free hand open. The room in front of her was dark expect for the bit of light-a lantern on the street that fell through the window and was cast on the left wall.
Her partner lay on the right side of the bed, completely entangled in the thin blanket. The right side – her side of the bed. Immediately she was reminded of the time she and Deeks had been undercover as a married couple to identify a Russian sleeper agent. How long had the two of them been discussing who slept on which side because both of them likes the right side better? Deeks had eventually surrendered, hoping for fewer punches hitting his arm, if he agreed to let Kensi sleep on the right side. How he looked now reminded Kensi of the situation in the hospital last night-Deeks was rigid and breathing heavily.
If he were still attached to the heart monitor, there surely would be rapid heartbeats to see. Kensi tucked her weapon into the waistband of her sweatpants and walked to the little lamp on the nightstand which wasn't bright enough to give Deeks a headache.
"Deeks?" Kensi whispered and shook him lightly.
He flinched away from the movement and started to mumble incomprehensibly.
"Deeks, it's me, Kensi. I need you to wake up!" Kensi's whispering was by now more a command, but her partner didn't wake up. If anything, he seemed to dream something even worse than before. Kensi gave up on her precaution and tapped him on the cheeks. She didn't want to hurt him, but no one had the right to torture her partner, not even his own dreams. As soon as her fingers touched his face, Deeks' eyes flew open and what she saw in them broke her heart. It seemed to Kensi that a boy sat in front of her and not her ever-happy partner who always had to comment on everything. Deeks jerked away from her and certainly would have continued to back away if it hadn't been for the bed head.
"Everything is fine, Deeks. You're safe," Kensi mumbled with a soft voice and raised her hands to show that she didn't intend to harm him.
"Kens!" Deeks whispered and his tension eased a bit. Exactly that was the reason why he hadn't wanted to go to sleep. He had known exactly that, as soon as he closed his eyes, the dreams would start.
Deeks took a deep breath before he got rid of the blanket, which still seemed to be glued to him.
"Deeks…"
He shook his head and heaved himself off of the bed; balancing on his left leg he steadied his figure on the wall until the dizziness had passed.
"I need some air."
Kensi gave Deeks his crutches without another word and he started to hobble from the room as fast as possible. Kensi was still sitting on the bed and stared after her partner. What was going on with him? Sighing, she stood up, smoothed her shirt and walked into the living room where she noticed the open door to the mini-garden.
Kensi pulled off her socks and stepped onto the warm stones that covered the first few meters in front of the door. Deeks stood maybe two meters away from her but Kensi was still able to see that his whole body was shivering. With one hand she grabbed two folded chairs which were leaning on the wall of the house and then slowly walked towards him. Kensi unfolded the chairs and placed them in a way that they both would be looking into the garden instead of into each other's' eyes – somehow she knew that Deeks wouldn't be able to do that right now. Kensi sat down silently and looked up to the sky where you could see the stars twinkling, a rare thing when you lived in Los Angeles.
"Sit down, Deeks," she said softly, she didn't want to give commands, not now. When he didn't react, she reached for his hand and noticed that he was wet with sweat.
"Come on, you can barely stand."
Deeks sat down reluctantly and lay his crutches next to him on the ground. He was still shaking violently and that had nothing to do with the temperature as it still was about twenty degrees Celsius. At least he was awake. And he didn't want to close his eyes for the rest of the night, if someone asked him. And not the following nights either. He didn't want to sleep ever again. The shivering slowly decreased and his breathing was getting better, too. When he had woken up he had felt like he couldn't get enough air. Normally, if something like that happened at home, he would drive to the beach and would sit there staring at the waves until early morning. Sometimes he drove straight from the beach to work, only to drink ridiculously huge amounts of coffee so he wouldn't fall asleep at his desk.
The moment Kensi's voice reached his ears, Deeks jumped a little – he had almost forgotten that she was sitting next to him. "Do I really need to tell you again that you can trust me, Deeks? You want me to trust you, too, don't you?"
Kensi glanced at her partner and noticed that he seemed to have calmed down a bit. Still, she would not let it go tonight – when she had to spent the next days, maybe even weeks with him in one house, then she at least wanted to know why she most likely wouldn't get too much sleep.
And how you can help him, a little voice whispered in her head.
"What's going on with you, Deeks?"
The silence stretched into eternity before he finally opened his mouth.
"I dreamt of the man I shot when I was eleven."
Kensi frowned as she tried to remember the name. "Gordon…"
"Gordon John Brandel. My father."
For that, Kensi had not been prepared. She knew that something had happened between Deeks and his father and he had remarked that he had shot at him, but she hadn't really believed him – not in the conversation they had been having when he had said that.
"I shot at him because he had once again drunk too much and wanted to kill my mum and me."
Kensi had no idea how to respond to that. How bad must it feel when you had to shoot your father when you were a child? Because an eleven-year-old was nothing more than a child. When you had to decide whether you and your mum should survive or your father?
"Did he survive?" was the only thing she could manage to get past her lips.
"Yes. After five years of jail he died in a car crash in '98. At least that's what Hetty has told me. I hadn't seen him again after that evening."
"Deeks…"
"And what is your idea?" Deeks asked and tried to grin, even if Kensi thought that his reference to a group therapy wasn't that far-fetched.
Just as the night before, Kensi knew that he wouldn't say anything else and that was perfectly fine with her. Deeks seemed like an open book at the first impression, and that he was in most aspects of his life, but everything about his past was a huge question mark to others. He always smiled, like nothing could darken his mood, but by now the team has understood that it was just his way of dealing with stress. His self-protection worked in ninety percent of cases really well, except if it got too personal. Kensi still got goose-bumps when she thought of the day Deeks had pointed his gun at Detective Frank Scarli when he had asked how his just passed away partner had been in bed. Even with him you could step over a line. Too much was too much.
They sat for a long time in the garden, until Kensi became just too tired. She was yawning every few seconds and had a hard time keeping her eyes open.
"Kens, go to bed. I'll manage by myself," Deeks whispered and shook her lightly to wake her up.
"You come in with me, Deeks. No human being can last with only two hours of sleep," Kensi replied but stood nevertheless. If she didn't move, she would fall asleep.
"I can Kensi," Deeks sighed and rubbed his eyes.
Of course he was tired, but going to bed – now? Never.
"Deeks."
He was always surprised how his partner could make his name sound like a threat, it was just one syllable.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming," he surrendered and knew that Kensi would be asleep at an instant as soon as she hit the bed.
Deeks took the crutches Kensi was holding out to him and then followed her into the apartment and the bedroom, where she fell on the bed the second she reached it.
"Do you really wanna sleep in those sweatpants, Kensi?" Deeks asked and smiled at her. She lay like a little child on her side, one hand under her cheek and she looked down at her, as if she had to check what she was wearing.
"Sweatpants and shirt is fine," she mumbled, "And I sleep on the right side."
Before Deeks could even say anything, Kensi already was asleep. He tried to get her under the blanket, on which she was lying, as best as possible and then hobbled into the kitchen to make some coffee. The night was still young and he had no intention at all to spend it sleeping.
A/N: Did you like the way Kensi tried to comfort Deeks and how he opened up to her? I coudn't really remember if she knew about the whole deal with Deeks' father, I know that he talked about it on various occasions, but the timeline was always kind of off... If Kensi does know in the series, she didn't know here :))
