A/N: Be warned - very short chapter... epilogue is coming up either later today or tomorrow... I also have to point out that I know nothing about PTSD except for what google told me :))
Enjoy!
Kensi outwardly stared into her partner's blue eyes and looked for any sign of what was really going on with him. What he tried with Nell had been sweet but by long not enough for one of the agents to believe that that was all that bothered him, especially not Hetty.
Just when Deeks opened his mouth, probably to tell her some kind of feeble excuse, his psyche took over his body – someone must have dropped a folder in the hall leading to his room and the echo made it sound a lot like a whiplash. Kensi was literally able to watch the colour leave his face, how his hands clenched to fists, the eyes gazing into space. She had lived long enough with Jack to recognize a flashback when she saw one.
"Deeks, listen to me, okay? You're safe, you're no longer in the warehouse. You're in the hospital, with me, Kensi. Okay?" Kensi talked to him in a soft voice and carefully approached - but not touched – him. She was sure that he was seeing parts of his time in the warehouse and by that it had to do something with violence. Her touch, no matter how well meant it might be, would only make him worse instead of better.
Slowly but surely, she saw the life returning to his eyes, then how he took a deep breath.
"You okay?" she asked, now taking one of his bandaged hands in her own.
"Yeah, I'm good," Deeks closed his eyes for a second and then shortly shook his head as if he wanted to get rid of the last images.
"Was it the first flashback?"
Deeks' eyes denied meeting hers, instead they focused on the gauze wrapped around his right hand.
"Second."
Kensi nodded and rubbed her thumb in an assuring way over his hand, careful only to touch the few centimeters that weren't covered in white or bruises.
"Any other symptoms? Do you feel scared, cornered or twitchy? Do you remember the hours you were gone?" Kensi listed the questions she knew by heart.
"Kensi, I don't have PTSD, well, I'm not developing it, anyway. Believe me, when the first flashback was over, I've gone through all of the other symptoms. It doesn't fit. And I'm not Jack, I'm just a bit on edge from being tortured," Deeks actually chuckled, "Man, that sounds weird."
"At least you still sound like you," Kensi grinned back. There really was nothing in his behavior that had her concerned. It was probable that the flashbacks were the symptom of an acute stress reaction and that was nothing too bad as long as you kept an eye on it.
After all this time, she just worried about Deeks. Finally, something had clicked in her head – what she felt weren't the normal feelings between the two, not the feeling between two partners who just worked together.
"What is it, Kensi?"
She looked up, in those oh so beautiful pacific blue eyes and was almost embarrassed of the words that were about to leave her mouth.
"Will you still make a therapy? Until the flashbacks are gone? I don't want to lose another person to something like… like that. Not now that-," Kensi stopped. Now it was her part to stare at his bandaged hands, hoping that she hadn't said too much, but still knowing she should have bit her tongue earlier. A lot earlier.
"Not now that what?" Deeks asked, confusion written on his face along with some part of anticipation.
"Not now that I know what would be missing," Kensi sighed and closed her eyes a moment before she opened them again and looked into her partner's face. He smiled – so bright and honest as he hadn't done it for quite some time.
"Well, seems like I was right about Kensi Marie Blye being soft behind her hard shell. I would miss you too, Kens."
As relaxed as he played it – Deeks was having a party inside of his head. Kensi had just told him, in her own way, that she was in love with him.
Holy shit, Kensi Blye loved him, Marty Deeks!
"Sunshine and gunpowder," he grinned and got a strange glance off Kensi as an answer.
"Is your head injury more serious than we thought?"
"You asked me what you smell like. Sunshine and gunpowder, two of my favorite things."
A/N: So, ready yourself for the epilogue :)) I know I could have written this so much longer, about how Deeks will deal with everything... but the story has told itself... I don't know if you get what I mean, but there is just nothing left that wants to be written... maybe the writers among you get what I'm trying to say :)
Wish me luck for my chemistry exam tomorrow? I kind of think it's going to suck... :D
