"Tora Logan; mother, friend and hero, is dead. Gone. Ceased to be. Rests in peace. Kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed her last, has become an ex-person and gone to meet the Great Team Leader in the Sky. And I guess we're all thinking how sad it is that such a wonderful, caring and dutiful woman was taken from us before her thirtieth birthday and before she'd achieved everything she was capable of doing."
She coughs. Glances away, back up.
"Well I feel I need to say; nonsense. Good riddance to her, the stubborn woman, I hope she's proud."
Shocked silence emanates out. Etana looks up.
"And the reason I have to say this is quite frankly, that Tora would never forgive me if I didn't remind everyone of her bad points. She was stubborn, an infuriating know-it-all, and in possession of a terrible hero-complex that I knew would get her killed someday. And reading over this last night, I had the epiphany that Tora was really far too like me."
A slight ripple of nervous laughter.
"She was this wonderfully vibrant person who I was certain was egging me on as I wrote this last night, whispering 'come on, you must have been more angry with me than that'. And rest assured, she's probably having a great time in the Afterlife. Let's think… She gets to hunt down famous scientists and writers to quiz them about their work, gets to play chess grandmasters, gets to fight renowned warriors. She'll be loving it. Well, I admit, she almost certainly will miss you all, some more than others, but you have to remember something. Tora died to save us. And she really wouldn't want us to spend the rest of our lives sad about that fact. Tora knew the dangers and yet she chose to fight. She considered fighting to keep people free the most important thing she could do, so important she was willing to sacrifice her life for them. How many of us died on Utopia? Yet we're all here today because Tora had a choice. She could use all of Dragon to heal herself or she could use Dragon to heal us. She could choose between living just as Tora –no cosmic powers- and live with the guilt of knowing she could have saved everyone or she could allow herself to die while saving us all and allowing the mutant race to be reborn. And in her eyes, there was no choice. And I know that because I would never even consider the first option. I don't think any of you would either. So from now on, whenever we think about the mutant race, I have a challenge for you. Remember her. Never let what she did for us be forgotten. Because the day we forget… The day her name doesn't pass our lips with pride, then that is the day we are no longer worthy of her sacrifice."
Etana coughs slightly then smiles.
"And there was once a promise I made to Tora that I plan to keep. She said if I was ever at her funeral, I had to sing this song. And I apologise in advance if I miss a note or two because I'm crying."
She clears her throat, looks upwards to the sky and begins. And her face is streaked with tears but she never misses a note and when people realise… It starts slowly, with Poison whistling quietly until the whole crowd is whistling along. And I swear I can hear Tora laughing…
"Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly, chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of *&%£
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
Come on guys, cheer up!
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
Worse things happen at sea, you know.
Always look on the bright side of life...
I mean - what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!
Always look on the right side of life..."
Her face is soaked with tears as she steps down from the podium and Logan quietly wraps his arms around her.
A.N. Etana's eulogy is based on John Cleese's speech at Graham Chapman's memorial service. It's on YouTube and it's one of the saddest and most beautifully true to character eulogies I've ever heard. And Eric Idle singing Always Look on the Bright Side of Life is heartbreaking. You can tell he wants to cry, but he's holding it together and they're all hiding behind comedy to stop themselves from breaking down.
