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Chapter 12: -

She held my hand as we ran back to the house. Before we got to the door I smelled a human. Oh fuck.

"Bella?" I asked looking over at her as we stood on the porch. I saw the mail man walking up towards us with a box.

"I'm okay" she said as she stop breathing. This was progress.

"Hello Sir, Mam." He handed me the box and I quickly signed for it and he walked back to his car. I looked over at Bella and she smiled.

"I did it!" Bella squealed at me on the steps. "I didn't eat the mail man!" she jumped up and down laughing. Well damn this was a first. I hoped this wasn't the last though either.

~~~ 2 Year later ~~~

Bella's POV

I had gotten a call from Rene yesterday. It was the first one since my change. I was a bit shoked. Peter and Jasper had told me about what they told my mom. They had told her I had been in a car accident and was in PT with Carlisle all the time. She had no problem at all taking care of Anthony for me and watching over him while I healed. I hated the phone calls though a year later, I still had no control over myself. I had hoped a year later I would be able to see him but I couldn't. I had to make excuses for why I couldn't come home yet. It was driving me nuts. It had been so long.

Looking back the first trip out with Peter wasn't the last but it was the first time I hadn't killed a human when I got the chance. In a way it was a breakthrough but the next day I went back to my veggy diet and the next time they brought a human home they didn't leave. Peter never forced me to go with him to eat but we kept noticing my control was 90% better when I would feed with him then going out with Jasper. The next year passed even slower then the first and it was driving me nuts.

God damn it I felt like a horrible mom. It had been 2 years since I was changed and I was finally starting to get control. I made it hard on myself though. I couldn't decide what I wanted to feed off of. I found it so much easier to control myself if I fed off of humans but I felt horrible after it. Every time I tried to live off of animals I would snap. Every time anyone tried to bring a human around I would kill them. I had no control and it was driving me nuts. It was as if my body was angry at me and in a way telling me I had to live off of humans and that I couldn't do it without it.

I hated this and the more times I fed from a human the worse I was starting to feel. I saw how much Jasper pitied me, he could feel my emotions and knew how I felt but I kept going day to day trying to do the vegetarian diet.

My mind changed though when my mom sent me a small piece of mail. It was an invite home, it was Anthony's birthday party. He was going to be 7 this year. I had missed 2 years of my sons life and I was going to do anything and everything to be there for him and be the mother he deserved.

"Peter" I called out into the house. I had become a bit closer to him with the feeding portion of our diet. Jasper was also there for me after the fact but when it came to not pushing me and helping me Peter was doing everything in his power.

"Yes Bella?" He asked popping into the doorway.

I held up the invite to him. "I have to be there" I told him looking down at the floor. My self esteem was dropping anymore and no one could be mad at me about it.

"Bella I can't promise anything, but I have a feeling we will be." He smiled back over to me. I hated how his gift worked because I couldn't get a when from it, but I was happy to hear him say he thought we would be there.

"I am going to try it your way, and stick to it."

"I will only do what you want to darlin, I am not forcing anything on you."

We had all grown closer in the past 2 years. Not being able to leave the house and having a constant struggle was hard on us all but they never made me feel as if I was failing them. I had over heard them once talking about how they had never seen a newborn with so much strength and will, but having so much trouble with something they wanted so deeply. In a way it was as if they said I was the worst newborn they had to train but I came to realize they had never delt with a veggy newborn it was always straight human blood from day one.

"Lets do this Peter. I want to see my son."

"Okay we can go out tonight and if you don't eat anyone other then planned in the next month we will take you into town how does that sound?" he laughed at me.

"I can do this." I said looking back over at the wall of pictures I had put up. I spent a lot of my time up here anymore looking at Anthony and missing him.

That night Peter took me out again like normal and I fed on the lowest of low. It was still a strange feeling liking the taste of the blood but at least I didn't have the urge to gag and puke it back up like I did with the animal blood.

Jasper hadn't told the family about my choices or my failure when they would call. He just told them that once I was ready we would come for a visit. From what I overheard Carlisle was irate about them burning Edwards body. It took him almost a year to talk to Jasper when he would call Esme. She however was just happy to hear we were okay. She would call my mom and talk to Anthony every couple weeks. I was happy to know they, well at least she, still wanted something to do with my son. Rose and Emmett had stopped by I was told as well to visit him. He was so happy to have Emmett to hang out with and play.

We kept feeding every few days and after a month of keeping up with Peter we all decided to take me to town on a shopping trip. It was my frist trip into town for enjoyment and I still hadn't had any time to buy new clothes for my body since I was changed. I had gotten a few things online but I dind't want to do it that way. I would rather go try them on and have fun myself. I guess after 2 years of not shopping I actually missed Alice and shopping.

We parked outside the mall and were walking in the door when I heard it.

"Bella!" Alice screamed from a bench over against the wall.

I saw Jasper flinch but I smiled and ran over to her.

"Can I please?" She begged. I knew what she wanted. I was the pefect barbie doll for her.

"Sure Ali." I smiled back at her. "I am sure the boys would love to relax a bit."

"Hey, Peter, Jazz." She smiled over at the two boys.

"I guess you see this going well Alice?" Peter asked looking over at her.

"Yeah, no problems at all. Oh and I will run to the bathroom with her quick for the eyes. I found these awesome contacts Bella can try." She smiled over at me.

"It's okay guys." I smiled back at them. "I trust her."

I gave them both a hug and quick kiss and looked over at Alice. We walked away and went down the hall to the bathroom and she opened up her purse.

"I found these and I see them working. They are a dark brown almost black color but it should be close enough to your natural to work for Anthony's birthday." She smiled over at me.

"Oh god I love you Alice." I said as I popped them into my eyes. Looking up I almost looked like my old self.

"Now lets get you some clothes." She smiled over at me. "You are just a sexy little Bells now." She laughed at me grabbing ahold of my hand.

We ran around the mall as fast and she could. I think Alice was enjoying this and so was I actually. It was shocking how good everything looked on me.

She got me to try on a few dresses and the more I put on the more I liked. I had killer legs to show off since my change and I might as well show it off a bit. I also got a ton of normal jeans, bootleg and skinny. A bunch of tank tops, shirts, sweaters. It was actually shocking how easy shopping with Alice was now then when I was human. I knew what I liked and she took that in mind. When I was human I guess I was so against shopping I never tried to help her when she shoped for me and I just made it worse. She did have a good eye for fashion.

We finished up with bags after bag of clothes and went and sat down on a bench.

"Bella?" she smiled over

"Yeah Alice?"

"You do realize we have walkes past hundreds of humans today and you didn't even flinch right?" she laughed over at me.

"I have been doing a happy dance in my head." I smiled back over at her.

"I am so glad you finally got it all in control." She said looking down.

"Alice how long did you know this would happen?"

"Which parts of it Bella?"

"Alice come on just tell me."

"I knew when Edward left you. I saw you ending up with Jasper, but I also had flashes of Peter so I wasn't sure. Then for your diet, I saw your eyes different colors each time I'd have a vision so I wasn't sure what was going on to be honest."

"Alice, I can't ask why you didn't tell me. I know that is stupid, but I guess thank you. Thank you for letting him go." I said looking over at her. I pulled her into a hug and smiled. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you to Bella." She laughed.

"So you up for RSVP'ing today to his party?" I laughed at Alice for that.

"Oh god yes."

I pulled out my phone and pressed 1.

"Renee?" I asked when she anwsered.

"Bella, Hi honey how are you doing?"

"Mom, I wanted to let you know I will be home for Anthony's birthday party."

I had to pull the phone away form my ear as my mother was screaching and squealing.

"Are you serious!" she screamed back at me.

"I am deaf now mother." I laughed into the phone.

"I can't wait to see you Bella, it has been so long since we have seen you. I can't wait, oh my god!"

I started laughing and so did Alice.

"Who is with you?" My mom asked

"Oh Alice is here for a visit, we went to the mall to get me some clothes to wear." I smiled even though mom couldn't see it.

"Even though you are, ya know, Jasper?"

We both started laughging.

"Yes Renee, it is fine." Alice said into the bottom of the phone so my mom could hear her. "I'm just glad they are happy." She smiled up at us.

"I can't wait to see you." Renee still was half screaming.

"Okay mom I have to go, the guys are coming back over to go and eat." I smirked to mom on the phone.

I hung up the phone and Alice started laughing at me.

"I guess she will be happy to see you."

"Oh yeah Alice you know she is going to be flipping out." I laughed and looked up and saw the guys walking towards us. Peter started laughing as he looked down at the pile of bags on the floor.

"Did you both have fun spending money." He said picking up some of the bags. Jasper grabbed a few more and then me and Alice grabbed the rest.

"Yup." I popped the p and smiled over at them both.

"Will you model this when we get home?" Peter laughed at us.

"Alice are you coming with us?" I asked turning around looking at her.

"Nah, I'll see you at the party though. Emmett and Rose will to, even Esme and Carlisie are going to come on out for the party." She smiled wrapping me up in a hug.

"I can't wait to see which outfit you pick" she laughed. I missed her so much.

"Oh here" she said handing me another bag. "It's almost 100 pairs of contracts should be enough to last you the next few months with Anthony living with you. I put the info in the bag so you can order more."

I wrapped her up into a hug and looked over at the guys.

"let's go." I said to them over my shoulder.

"Alice, thank you." I hear Jasper say giving her a quick hug.

"Bella those look great!" Peter smiled looking into my eyes. "But I do happen to think the red is drop dead sexy." He laughed.

"Oh shush boy." I smirked smacking him in the shoulder.

We all walked back out of the mall and back to the car. I was having such a great day it couldn't get any better. I had a wonderful time with Alice, I had finally gotten control of my thirst. It seemed no matter what I do I was going to be feeding from humans. I couldn't live on animal blood and be in control and that was not an option especally if I wanted to have my son back with us again.

We got back to the house and I looked around. This just didn't feel like home.

"Peter?" I smirked over at him.

"Yes Bella?" he laughed

"Can we move home now?" I smiled as big as I could and gave him the puppy dog eyes.

"Lets start packing." He laughed over at me and I ran off through the house throwing everything into boxes. It took us not even a week to get everything back to the old house. We had gained a lot of things over the past 2 years, mostly me actually, pictures, cards, all things from Anthony.

The next few weeks passed in a flash and before we knew it the day of the party had arrived. I hadn't been this nervous ever in my life.

We walked up to the door of the party place and went in. We had all agreed to go over a bit early, I knew I would need it. I could hardly hold myself together at the house. I brought some extra contacts with me and opened up the door.

"MOMMY!" I heard Anthony scream and I ran over to him a bit to quickly and he climbed into my arms. I was sobbing as much as I could and for once I was sorry I could not cry.

"Oh god baby mommy has missed you so much" I cried into his hair. He had grown up so much. I saw Renee walk over and say hi to Jasper and Peter.

"Anthony, do you remember?"

"Unki Peter and Jasper!" He smiled grabbing onto a leg with each arm.

"Unki?" I laughed

"I can say Uncle now." He smiled up at us.

"Whenever I talked to him I always say I was Unki Eter." Peter told me softly. "It was who he knew us by before the accident."

"Thank you Peter." I whispered and held onto my son for dear life.

"I have missed you so much."

I sat down on a chair and Anthony was on my lap. The rest of the party went by in a flash. I had no idea how I felt but I had missed him so much.

The night we all sat at Renee's with the discussion of Anthony's future in our minds. The hardest part would have been telling Renee our secret. I had to tell her and after many nights almost arguing with Peter and Jasper it was agreed. I was shocked to say she handled it well, she didn't scream, or cry. She just sat there and held my hand squeezing as tight as she could. I had to laugh at her a bit, but it was okay.

We stayed up for hours that night and talked, and in the end decided to let Anthony stay at his school. He was in 1st grade now, and would be done in a few months. We would take it year by year but soon we would have to move. We only had a good 5-10 years in each location because of our ages. We were all in our early 20's but could pass as late teens at least thankfully. Hair dye and other things helped to make us look older but only so much.

As days we made sure to stop in at Renee's and Anthony spent the nights sometimes. He loved Peter and Jasper and they loved him. Our relationship just kept growing and I couldn't have been happier. My life was finally making sense to me and it was working out, for once. I just hoped it stayed this way. It was simple and it was nice.