"Beware the Ides of March..." -Soothsayer, February 15, 44 B.C.E
Chapter Synopsis: Lola finds herself in a grave situation
Lola heads on over to the cemetery to talk to Leif. She heads over to his tombstone and starts to speak.
"Hey, Leif…it's me. Even after everything that has transpired, do you still love me?"
She scoffs at herself.
"Right, you don't. Because look at us now…I'm miserable, and you guys are 6 feet under."
…
…
…
"You know, even though 7 members of your family believe that I had nothing to do with your murder, I still feel like I had a hand in it, even though that isn't the case."
Lola's facial expression changes from a frown to a neutral pose.
"Lexx gave me something today. He said it was for a true friend."
"I've probably gone crazy, seeing as I'm talking to a headstone and not a person."
…
…
…
"Well, it was nice talking to you. I should bring you some flowers as an offering…to show you that I care. I'll be right back."
Lola leaves to go to the florist's. Meanwhile, a sinister shadow peers out from betwixt two trees adjacent to the cemetery…
"No, I shan't spill the courtesan's vile quintessence atop my dear brother's sepulcrum. It would contaminate my brother's purity, having his murderer's sanguine desecrating his final resting place. Once she leaves the cemetery…"
He takes out a knife.
"She's mine."
Lola returns with a bunch of flowers. She places them in this order: Field Lilac, Everlasting, Iris and a Forget-Me-Not. The shadow gags at the last one, as he knows that a forget-me-not symbolizes true love, which Lola would never have, as she is only a scheming manipulator in his eyes.
Lola still has more flowers. She sidles on over to Alexa's grave, directly to the right of Leif's.
"Mommy didn't forget about you, my daughter."
Again, she lays down the flowers in a specific order. This time it's: Blue Acacia, Lotus, Elder, Xeranthemum and Allspice.
…
…
…
"Goodbye, Leif and Alexa. I miss you."
Lola leaves the cemetery and begins to head back home, with the shadow slinking alongside her. She arrives home and decides to pay a visit to her dear twin sister, Lana. 4264 Tenderheart Avenue is actually really close by! She decides to walk there. Upon getting halfway to Lana's house, she rests near a building to catch her breath then continues walking. The shadow decides the time to strike is now! He repeats his mantra once more.
"The reverse of the Ides will even the sides."
Then he goes on the offensive. He rushes and tackles Lola into a nearby alleyway.
"What?! Who are you?! If you need money, I don't have much, but take it!" Lola declares as she pleads for her life
"You're pathetic, bitch! I don't want money, I want vengeance!" He says as he wields his knife and slides the dull end across her trachea to intimidate her.
"Oh yes, I'm going to enjoy this…"
Lola swears she heard his voice before, but he has a voice modulator to disguise his voice, so it makes it hard to tell who exactly the voice belongs to!
Meanwhile, at Lana's house, by sheer coincidence…
"So, ready for karaoke night, Lana?"
"Sure, Lexie."
"If I know the lyrics, then I'm an amazing singer. If not, I'm more tone deaf than Emile."
"Who's that?"
"Some guy on the internet that Landon watches in his spare time. I actually watched some of his content. It's pretty funny."
"Right, when were you tone deaf?"
Lana has a flashback from 30 years ago.
"To earn the Music Makers patch, you must perform the Bluebell song. Ready, Lola?"
"Ahem. We are the Bluebells / Loyal, kind, and true-bells / A better friend you'll never know !"
[applauds Lola] "Next up. Lana!"
[on a mic, singing poorly and off-key] " We are the Bluebells, uh, uh...Loyal glue and shoe bells E-I-E-I-O! " [makes noises with her armpit and drops the mic]
[The scout master is aghast at Lana's performance]
"Lana, what was that?"
"You know I'm not good at this prissy sing-y dress-y junk!"
"Well, maybe you just need to...step outside your comfort zone!"
[She walks off. Lana is shocked at what she said and blows a raspberry at her]
The flashback ends.
"Uh, I don't want to talk about it."
"Fine, so what song do you want us to sing."
"Untitled."
"Uh, what's the title of the song?"
"Untitled."
"Ok Lana, very funny, but seriously, what is the name of the song?"
"I already told you, Lexie. It's "Untitled"!"
"What is this? An Abbot and Costello routine?!"
"Dude, Untitled is the name of the song! It's by the Canadian band Simple Plan!"
Oh really? Well let's see if there is a Simple Plan song that actually…
He looks and finds a Simple Plan song literally titled, "Untitled".
"I'm sorry I doubted you, Lana."
"Yes, now let's just sing the wonderfully melancholic song already…"
Both of them begin to sing the song, but abruptly, the scene transitions back to the vengeful shadow's attack on Lola. But one can hear Lana and Lexx's duet cover of the song while the attack is going on, creating a wonderful juxtaposition.
The shadow begins stabbing Lola with his trusty knife. Lola tries to fight back, but this person easily overpowers her. The first cut was roughly in her abdominal area while the second was a thin opening at the side of her neck. Luckily, the knife didn't sever an artery or reach the trachea.
"I open my eyes. I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light. I can't remember how, I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight…"
"Loki? Is that you?"
"Lady, if I was Loki…"
"Y-O-U'-D-B-E D-E-A-D-W-H-E-R-E-Y-O-U-S-T-A-N-D."
"I want you to live and suffer all of the pain you've inflicted onto our dear brother. We will avenge him. But…Loki is right about one thing…"
"You don't deserve our brother."
He continues his savage assault on Lola. 3 more lacerations to the chest, 5 to the left thigh and 5 to the right thigh. No doubt he was looking to cleave one of her 2 femoral arteries in two. Because if that happened, she'd slowly exsanguinate to death, all the while, the shadow basking in the revelry of Lola's pain. The perfect revenge…
"And I can't stand the pain, and I can't make it go away. No, I can't stand the pain…"
He begins to unbuckle his pants, revealing that he was wearing a condom under his briefs and pants the whole time. Unfortunately, Lola has seen enough Law and Order: SVU episodes to know where this was going. He shoves his penis into her vagina and begins grinding on her as hard as he possibly can, hurting her on the inside, as well as on the outside. This is payback for her manipulating sex out of Leif for her own cheap thrills.
"Try getting an orgasm off of THIS, whore!"
He stabs her in the chest 5 more times, and manages to slash both of her breasts.
Lola has a flashback to the night of the LOL murders, everyone is at the police station, arguing whether or not Lola is guilty or innocent in abetting the murder of her family.
"Everybody's screaming. I try to make a sound but no one hears me."
"Lola is innocent!" Loni, Luke, Lane, Lars, Linka, Lexx and Leon yell out
"Lola is guilty!" Loki, Lynn and Levi shout in response
"Let her cry! She's lost her family!"
"Let her die! She's killed her family!"
"I'm slipping off the edge, I'm hanging by a thread. I want to start this over again..."
In the same flashback, inside the police station, Lola is talking to chief Rosato about Lyle.
"How could he do this? Where did we go wrong? I've tried to teach him how to be a good boy. Was it all in vain?"
"No, you did the best you could. You didn't encourage or manipulate Lyle. He murdered Leif and Alexa on his own accord."
"That…doesn't make me feel any better…"
"So, I try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered, and I can't explain what happened…"
Another flashback, this one was from their childhood, it was the day the twin sisters met the twin brothers.
"Kids, we have 2 new students joining us today." The teacher announced "Students, introduce yourselves."
"Sure, I'm Lexx Loud!" One of the boys yelled boisterously
"And… I'm Leif…" The other boy responded
"Why don't you try and play with the other kids?" The teacher advised
"Gladly!" Lexx stated confidently
Lexx and Leif move forward, but while Lexx intermingles with the rest of his classmates, Leif offshoots from him and begins doodling on a piece of paper on an adjacent desk.
Lexx notices them, he talked to Lola first.
"Hey beautiful, didn't see you there, I'm Lexx."
"And I'm not interested."
Lexx continues, not noticing she rejected him.
"Well, Not Interested, don't be like that! I just want to be your friend."
"Look, I'm sure you're nice, but I don't want to be your friend. I already have friends."
"Oh, then I'll just befriend them."
He shifts his focus to her sister, he seems noticeably different when he looked at her.
"Hi, I'm Lexx."
"I'm Lana."
"Well, Lana...are you friends with her?" He said while gesturing to Lola
"No, that's my sister…" Lana responded with an unamused expression
"Oh, I'm sorry… I didn't know…" He said meekly
"…That's ok."
"Do you want to hang out with me?"
"Sure?"
Lexx and Lana go to another part of the room. Lola approached Leif.
"Hey, whatcha doing?"
"Doodling."
I glance at his paper. It's homework…
"Why aren't you hanging out with Lexx? He's the popular brother."
"Because I want to hang out with you." She replied
Leif glances at her in surprise.
"Seriously? I'm not really as interesting as my twin brother."
"Yeah? Well, I'm overshadowed by my twin sister."
Lana heard that and took offense, she walks up to Leif.
"Actually, that's not true, Lola here is a pageant powerhouse, so she's definitely not "overshadowed."" Lana corrects, then goes back to hanging out with Lexx
"And I can't erase the things that I've done. No, I can't…"
Multiple flashbacks emerge all at once. All of Lola's past sins come flooding her memories in what looks to be her final moments.
"Hold it, Lincoln. Play 'Fashion Photographer' with me!"
"I would Lola, but I really have to-"
"YOU PLAY, OR I'LL TELL MOM YOU WERE READING COMICS ON THE ROOF IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AGAIN!"
[makes a side glance to the viewers and then starts taking photos of Lola as she poses for the camera.] "Work the camera! Uh-huh! That's it! Show me what you got!"
[walking in the background] "Poo-poo!"
"Who's a beauty queen?"
[enter Lola's twin Lana carrying a pile of mud in her hands.]
"Lincoln!"
"Hey! I'm working here!"
"Check out my mud pie! It's nice and squishy!" [squishes it and smears it all over Lola's face.]
[Coming out of their room] "Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!"
"Did someone say tea party?" [reveals a tea pot and a box of cookies.]
"Eeeee! Thank you, Lincoln!" [takes the items and goes back to her room.]
"Hey, I don't want to be part of some dumb old tea party, I want to watch TV!"
"Not even if [pulls out something from behind him] these guys are invited?"
[holds out two frogs; one croaks.]
"Eeeee! Thanks, Lincoln!" [takes the frogs and goes back to her room.]
"Hey, Luan!"
"I was just heading downstairs to watch TV."
"You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again."
[Lola and Lana fighting]
"You can't come!" "V.I.P. only!"
"This is totally gonna go viral!" [goes back to her room to get her video camera] "Thanks, Linc!"
"Ow. Ow!"
"No running in the hallway!"
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"Lana, is this maggot giving you lip?" [writes Lincoln up]
"We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home."
[They give Lincoln a ticket.]
"If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes." [reveals Luan in a cardboard jail cell.]
"Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months!" [laughs to rimshot] "Get it?"
"That's five more minutes, dirt bag!"
"Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear."
"NO SWEARING!"
"Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!"
"Those were my orders! Let me in!"
"I'm gonna need you to step back, sir."
"Sorry about this, Lola." [charges at Lola with a war cry; Lola whacks him with the golf club and knocks him out.]
[As soon as Lincoln comes to, he sees that Lola tied him up like they tied Lori up.]
"Uh, no no no. I'm sorry, Lincoln. ANYONE ELSE?!" [beat] "I DIDN'T THINK SO!"
"Beauty before age!"
[retorts] "Yeah! So, I should get it!"
Lincoln is quietly eating dinner when Lana suddenly pokes him in the face with a wiener.]
"Would you cut it out?"[as he resumes eating, Lola also pokes and smacks him with a wiener.] "Come on, man! Stop!" [the twins continue hitting him with their wieners.] "I said cut it out!"
[fighting over a dollar with Lana.] "It's my dollar!"
"No, it's mine!"
"Let go!"
"No, you let go!"
"Right on cue."
"You let go!"
"Stop it!"
[Lincoln takes their dollar.]
"Hey!"
[gives them exact change] "Half for Lola, half for Lana."
"Thanks, Lincoln!"
[Lola and Lana are arguing over who gets to use the bathroom first.]
"I was here first!"
"No, I was!"
"Nuh-uh, I was!"
"No way! I was!"
"You always say that!"
"You do!"
[Lincoln puts on a pair of roller skates and goes into the bathroom.]
"Hey! No cutting!"
[Lincoln gives them their toothbrushes and liberally applies toothpaste to them.]
"Thanks, Lincoln!"
[Downstairs, the twins are arguing over different kinds of sandwiches in their lunches.]
"The peanut butter sandwich is mine!"
"No, the jelly sandwich is yours!"
"No!"
[Lincoln groans in frustration.]
"You like the peanut butter and I like the jelly!"
"You like peanut butter and I like jelly!"
"No, I like jelly and you-"
[Lincoln takes their sandwiches.]
"Hey!"
[Lincoln makes it so that both sandwiches have peanut butter AND jelly on them.]
"Now you each have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now, get to the car."
"Thanks, Lincoln!" [head to the car]
"LINCOLN! IT'S 3 O'CLOCK! YOU'VE FAILED ME!" [bursts in] "YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE LOLA MAD!" [sports her demonic grin and has flames of fury in her eyes.]
[begging for mercy] "I'm sorry! I would've done what you asked me, but I didn't hear you!" [reveals the buds] "I was wearing these. All I heard was the sound of waves. Or was it crickets? Doesn't matter! The thing is-"
[goes from blind with rage to suddenly calm and merciful.] "I know you didn't hear me."
"Huh?"
[The other sisters, sans Lisa, pop in with satisfied smiles.]
"You're not as clever as you think, Lincoln Loud."
[Flashback to what Lola was trying to tell Lincoln yesterday.]
[comes into Lincoln's room] "Lincoln, is this too much mascara? Be honest. It's super, super, super important!"
Lincoln: [having muted Lola out] "Aah. I couldn't agree more!"
[confused] "Agree with what?"
"Right back at ya!"
"Okay, you're weird."
[Lincoln's basketball shoots out of bounds and knocks over his wastebasket revealing the Noise-B-Gone package, which Lola notices, making her make that demonic grin she made in all those other flashbacks.]
[slyly] "So, Lincoln, are you the biggest dork in the world?"
[unable to hear her] "You can say that again!"
"And do you love the taste of dog poop?"
"You know it!"
[Lola slyly smiles and tells the other sisters about the earbuds.]
"So, he's been tuning us out all day?"
[Lola nods]
"No wonder he didn't help me restring my guitar."
"Or come to my séance."
"And that's why he didn't laugh at my jokes."
[sarcastically] "Yeah, that's why."
[violently] "I'm gonna go rip out those earbuds and-"
"Oh, no, no. I've got a better plan!"
"You're ruining the picture! Maybe you should take off that gross hat."
"Maybe you should take off that gross face!"
[Lana throws mud at her but Lola ducks and the mud hits Lincoln instead.]
[Lola, while looking in her mirror, sees Lincoln throwing off his shirt and pants in its reflection.]
"Groooooss!"
"What?"
"Why do you always have to read your comics in your underpants?!"
"'Cause reading my comics with my clothes on is uncomfortable and distracting." [shakes his booty at Lola] "And you know how I like to be comfortable while reading comics. Now, scootch!"
[Lincoln sits between Lola and Lisa; Lola, repulsed, jumps onto the armrest.]
"ACK! It's an annoying habit, and you get butt germs everywhere!"
"Me annoying? You can't look away from the mirror for five seconds!" [holds up all four of his fingers.]
"LIES!"
[it turns out Lola is looking in her mirror rather than at Lincoln; she looks back, closes the mirror, and smiles sheepishly.]
"On a hot summer day, there's nothing like a refreshing dip in your own pool." [charges toward it] "CANNONBALL!" [suddenly comes to a screeching halt.]
"Ah ah ah! Don't you dare splash me, Lincoln Loud! This outfit cannot get wet."
[It is revealed that his sisters have taken up the pool even in his own fantasy.]
"But it's a swimsuit."
[scoffs] "It's a swim gown, you Philistine."
[Lily is having a tea party with Lola.]
"More tea, Lady Lilington?"
"She doesn't wanna have a dumb tea party. She wants to play with Izzy!" [puts Izzy on Lily's head.]
"No, she doesn't!"
"Yes, she does!"
"No, she doesn't!"
"Yes, she does!"
"It's princess makeover time! I need a toad to turn into a beautiful princess." [sees Clyde and gasps] "Oh, you'll be a challenge."
"Clyde, come on! We gotta get started!" [grabs Clyde's arm]
"Hey, that's my toad!" [grabs Clyde's other arm]
"I hate to let the kid down, Lincoln. Start the movie and I'll be right in."
[Lincoln is now making a nice breakfast for his father with pancakes in the shape of his face and coffee, using the "TOP POP" coffee mug. As soon as it's ready, he sneaks over to his parents' room, but Lola catches him.]
[suspicious] "Lincoln, where are you going with those pancakes?"
"Uh..."
[examines the breakfast] "And why did you spell out "World's Best Dad" with chocolate chips?"
[It's true. Lincoln did do that on the whipped cream for his dad's coffee.]
"You can read?"
"I am more than just a pretty face, Lincoln! Now, you're up to something, and I'm gonna find out what it is!" [pulls Lincoln by his ear.]
"I'm telling Dad!" [goes to do so]
"What makes you think I did it?"
"Maybe because you made more clogs than a Dutch shoe factory!" [laughs during rimshot]
[cut to a few flashbacks of Lincoln clogging the toilet; Flashback #1: Lincoln is scraping his gross dinner into the toilet.]
"So long, liverwurst loaf!" [flushes the toilet only for it to back up.]
[bursts in] "I'm telling Dad!"
[Flashback #2: Lincoln is holding an embarrassing sweater his mother made him.]
"Mom can't make me wear you if she can't find you." [flushes it down the toilet only for another clog to occur.]
[bursts in] "I'm telling Dad!"
[Flashback #3: Lincoln is pouring a bunch of CD's into the toilet.]
[off-screen] "Has anyone seen my CD's? I gotta practice for karaoke night!"
[as Lynn Sr. practices his singing, Lincoln flushes them down the toilet only for the obvious to happen.]
[bursts in] "I'm telling Dad!"
[Lincoln goes downstairs and sees Lola pacing about.]
[suspiciously] "Looking for something, Lola?"
"Uh... no. I'm just...practicing for the...uh..." [grabs a chimney sweep] "...Little Miss Chimney Sweep Pageant." [grins nervous]
[Lincoln leaves and Lana pops out of the chimney covered in soot.]
"There's nothing up there."
"There's gotta be! Now keep looking!" [pushes Lana back up with the sweep.]
[giving in] "Darn you, Lincoln! I am in!" [worried with realization] "But wait. What if Lola finds out? You know what she's capable of."
[An image of Lola looking on demonically with hellfire in the background is shown as a cultist choir chants. Lincoln and Lana shudder with terror.]
"She won't find out. I promise."
[Inside the Loud House, Lucy and Lisa are eating frozen dinners in the living room and Charles is pulling on Lily's diaper because she has his bone. The entire living room is a mess and Lincoln is working on something in the dining room. Lola bursts into the house in her princess car, sends Lily and Charles flying and snatches Lisa's dinner fork with a piece of salisbury steak on it.]
[to Lola] "SALISBURY STEAK STEALER!"
[As Lincoln goes up, the book alternates between rising girders and ends on the top floor. Lincoln gets there and looks down, losing his cool. He inches towards it, but it falls and the girder rises, sending him in danger as he screams for his life. The girder is swinging right by Lynn Sr.'s office window while Lola and Lana are in another suction cup dart fight. Lincoln's cries for help catch Lana's ears.]
"Did you just hear Lincoln?"
"Lana, focus! We've got Dad's cube mate trapped in the coffee room! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, MARGIE!"
[The twins scream and attack Margie.]
"I hate Take Your Daughter to Work Day."
[Lola enters the kitchen to put her tea party cups away and notices Lincoln eating the peanut butter.]
"Ewww, Lincoln! Have a little class!" [She exits the kitchen, disgusted.]
[Lana and Lola's room]
[after hearing the secret about her.] Holy shamoley!" [all her siblings are surrounding her angrily. She grabs Lincoln by his shirt.] "Who told you about that?!"
[Lola looks at her siblings, demanding an answer. They all shrug their shoulders, pretending not to know.]
"If you tell Mom and Dad our secrets, we'll tell them yours! Now if you'll excuse us, those of us who can trust each other are going to go hang out."
[The siblings leave while Lola looks on with disappointment, realizing they got the upper hand.]
[Lincoln goes into Lola and Lana's room. He taps on Lola's sleeping mask and then stretches it and makes it snap on her eyes, making her growl and open her eyes.]
"Hey, Lola, wanna watch some of your pageant videos?"
[delighted] "Ah!" [suspicious] "Okay, weird. Why would you want to do that?"
"Because I'm a huge fan of youth-oriented, glamor-based competitions."
"Oh, cut the crud, Lincoln. What is up?"
"Okay, I saw a scary movie today and I'm afraid to be alone."
"Well, just go sleep with Mom and Dad. That's what I always do."
"Uh...that's not an option."
"Well, neither is losing my beauty sleep. Goodnight to you, sir!" [goes back to sleep snoring.]
"Morning."
[Lana pours a glass of juice into a glass and drinks it. As it contains Lynn's bacteria screaming as it goes down her throat, this causes her to get sick and drink the rest from the carton.]
"MOM! LANA'S DRINKING FROM THE CARTON!" [Lana coughs on her] "AND NOW SHE'S COUGHING ON MEeeeeee..." [gets sick too and moans]
"It's a free country, Lincoln." [stands next to Hugh] "We can stand where we want to."
[cuts in front of Lola] "I'm standing here!"
"The heck you are!"
[The twins start fighting by flailing their hands at each other.]
"You're blocking my view!"
"You're blocking my Hugh!"
[Flashback to Lana and Lola brushing their teeth.]
[voice-over] "You've got the faulty water pressure."
[Lana puts her mouth under the faucet, and turns the water pressure on, but nothing comes out. Lola is ticked off at Lana's uncouth method of rinsing her mouth.]
[leaving the bathroom] "Eh. I'll go borrow some water from Charles' bowl."
"Try to have a little digni-"
[As Lola was talking, the increased water pressure from the pipes breaks loose, spewing water onto Lola, flinging her into the trash can.]
[appearing very innocent] "Hey there, favorite big brother! Allow me to dive into that pile of smelly sweaty footwear and find your winter boots for you. "[curtsies, then dives into the pile]
[Lincoln looks on in confusion. Lola then emerges from the pile with two brown boots]
[gasps for air] "Here you are, good sir!" [puts Lincoln's winter boots on his feet] "Two big brother boots. Boy, these are stylish!"
[suspicious] "Okay, what do you want?"
[quiet voice with an evil grin on her face] "To get a good haul from Santa." [normal voice] "See, contrary to popular belief, I am no angel. So, if I'm going to get on Santa's nice list, I have one day to undo twelve months of naughty!"
[off screen] "You're wasting your time." [wheels in a whiteboard with equations as she comes on screen and begins pointing to sections with a candy cane] "Factoring in sleigh speed, time zone changes, and reindeer bathroom breaks, it is scientifically impossible for this so-called Kris Kringle to deliver gifts to the approximately one billion qualifying children. As you can see, X equals no stinkin' way." [bites into her candy cane]
[growls] "You're lucky I'm being nice right now!"
"LANA! STOP IT!"
"MAKE ME!"
"Sounds like a twin fight. This should be very educational."
[Lola and Lana are having a big fight in their room.]
"Alright, Clyde, what do you think we need here?"
[going through his notes] "Um... confidence?"
[Lincoln steps in and breaks up the fight between the twins who are dressed as a princess and a knight.]
"What seems to be the problem?"
"Lana's supposed to be guarding my Princess tower, not attacking it!"
"Now, Lana-"
"Aw, guarding is boring! Attacking is cool!" [attacks the tower made out of cushions with her toy sword.]
"Clyde, any guesses?"
"Um... caring?"
[nods to Clyde; to the twins] "I think I know a compromise that will make you both happy." [wraps a dirty old robe around him and attacks the tower.] "The evil troll is attacking your tower! Rawr!"
[bursting with excitement] "GET HIM!"
[They defend their tower from the big brother troll.]
"Nice! And once again, you didn't need the C-O-O-K-I-E-S."
[Despite his spelling, the twins realize...]
"THE TROLL'S GOT COOKIES!" [They attack Lincoln to get what they want.]
"I saw them!"
[holding them back] "Another tip: six-year-olds can spell."
[The fight resumes]
"I need-"
"-cookies!"
[lividly to Lana] "Oh, I snore, do I? HOW CAN YOU HEAR ME OVER ALL YOUR SLEEP-FARTING?!"
[Lori looks over on the other side of the balcony she's on, and sees that the neighboring room has its balcony door open. Inside the room, a knock at the door is heard. Lola answers it, and it's revealed to be the three guys from the pool earlier.]
"Yo, what are you guys doing in here? Fritz said this was our room."
"Well, Fritz was wrong. Bye, now."
[Lola closes the door, but Kyle puts his foot in the way, and pushes the door open.]
"Not so fast! Come on, boys!"
"Alright! Let's rage!"
[The three guys walk into the room, and begin to shout like crazy while music blares loudly from their boom box. The room phone begins ringing, and Lily answers it.]
"Goo?"
[The caller is once again revealed to be Leni.]
"Yes, La-ood family? This is Fritz at the front desk. Could you please keep it down? We're getting some complaints."
[babbles some incomprehensible dialogue]
"Well you sound just like my sister, Lily."
[Luna, Luan, and Lola ram the three guys out of their room with a couch.]
"And stay out, you stinkers!"
[It is nighttime in the house.]
"Lola! Did you take my Red Riot lipstick again?!"
[Opens her bedroom door] "No, but someone took my perfume. I bet it was Leni!"
[The door to the bathroom opens, where Leni is seen inside.]
"Was not! But I'd like to know who took my pink chiffon dress, Lori!"
[Lori, Leni, and Lola start arguing.]
"Where do you get off?!"
"You are literally the one always stretching out my sweaters every time you borrow them!"
"Fess up!"
"That's my scent! I can't let people associate it with you!"
"We can do this the hard way-"
[turns around] "Hang on, I smell my perfume!" [Sniffs up the pink scent leading her to Lynn and Lucy's room.] "LYNN! You'd better not be using my perfume to cover the stink of your hockey pads!"
[The three sisters gasp and the camera pans to show Lucy using Lola's perfume, Lori's lipstick and wearing Leni's dress.]
[curious] "What are you doing?"
"I-I-I... I thought if I'd be regular and normal, Rusty's brother, Rocky, would like me. Sorry I took your stuff. I understand if you're mad."
[stomps her feet] "You're darn right we're mad!" [Lucy is down; excited] "Mad you didn't let us help!"
"Yeah, we've been wanting to give you a makeover since like, birth!"
[comes in with a big cardboard collage of fashion models with Lucy's face plastered all over their own.] "I've been working on this Lucy vision board for years! Until now, it was just a fantasy."
[excited] "Wait, new cars smell like this? I had no idea! I don't know what's come over me, but I suddenly think it's time the Louds get a new minivan."
[Rita and the other siblings, except for Lola and Lana, enter the room, cheering in delight. Just then, the twins enter the room with a cardboard recreation of the van.]
"Lola and I have been working on a new song. It's called "Happiness is a New Van"."
"Can it. He already said yes."
"We've been practicing for four hours! SIT DOWN!" [Lincoln, feeling scared, complies] "And a one, and a two! A one, two, three, four!" [Scene ends before the song starts]
[The sisters gasp in horror]
[panicking] "Oh my gosh! What do we do? He's gonna take all our stuff!"
[slaps Lori with her glove] "Get it together, woman!"
"Thanks. I needed that." [threateningly] "But I'll get you back."
[notices and gasps] "That tiara is never supposed to touch the ground!"
"You're bad luck, Lincoln! You can't come!" [closes the doggy door on him]
[Meanwhile, at the park, Leni is watching the twins play in the sandbox and notices Clyde at the teeter-totter with a rock that he drew a picture of Lincoln on.]
"Hey, Clyde. Do you need a partner?"
"No, thanks. It's a me and Lincoln thing."
[to the rock] "Oh. Hi, Lincoln." [leaves]
"Here we go, buddy." [tosses the rock on the teeter-totter and gets catapulted right into the sandbox the twins are playing in.]
"YOU RUINED OUR SANDCASTLE!"
[They beat up Clyde for doing that and he checks this activity off the list. Leni is talking to the Lincoln rock while feeling a strain.]
"Lincoln, can you watch the twins? I have to go to the bathroom."
[Lynn Sr. heads back into the kitchen. Lincoln pulls out a coin attached to a string and begins swinging it side to side in front of his face.]
"What are you doing?"
"Self-hypnosis. Maybe I can make myself believe the wienerschnitzel tastes like ice cream."
[trying to steal Lincoln's coin] "Oh, I want ice cream! Move!"
[struggling to get his coin back] "Come up with your own coping mechanism!"
[As Lincoln and Lola fight for the coin, they accidentally knock the wienerschnitzel off the table. As it begins hurling towards the floor, Lynn Sr. notices it falling and dives towards it to catch it.]
"Just hurry up and make us famous!"
"We can't leave Lily alone in there. She's a ticking cuss bomb!"
"I'm willing to try anything." [holds up a doll] "This is my last dolly with hair!" [notices it's bald and gasps in horror.]
[wearing the doll's hair like a mustache.] "Relax. It grows back."
[furious] "NO IT DOESN'T!" [attacks Lana]
"I'd use my own hair, but-"
[nervously] "Uh, we kind of already quit for you."
[Flashback to the previous night. Lola is taking to the restaurant owner over the phone in a rather enraged manner.]
[shouting] "YOU LISTEN TO ME, BUB! NO ONE MAKES MY DADDY WASH DISHES! HE'S DONE WITH YOUR STINKY JOB IN YOUR STINKY RESTAURANT! AND ANOTHER THING-"
[Lola takes a deep breath, and yells out something so horrific over the phone, that it's obscured by the loud whirring of a hair dryer Leni is using. End flashback, and Lynn Sr. is horrified at what he has been told.]
[distraught] "Oh, dear."
"This is all your fault!" [moves her eyes toward a certain someone.] "I'm talking to you, Lincoln. I just can't lift my arm to point."
"Volunteering at a soup kitchen will look great on your résumé."
[furious] "You know what won't look great? ME IN A HAIRNET!"
"Gee, Daddy, if you got me a new engine for my jeep, I'd be the happiest little girl in the world."
"And I'd be her happy little grease monkey."
[infatuated by their cuteness] "Aw. How can I say no to my adorable little girls?"
[getting a manicure from Leni] "Tell me about it! It's not even funny! It's just obnoxious!"
"How about 20 Questions? Lola, you first. Person, place, or thing?"
"Person."
"Alive or dead?"
"Alive...for now. But he's pushing his luck!"
"I made cute shawls, who wants one?"
"I'd rather freeze my tushie off than be seen wearing n-n-napkins."
"Quod suz omnis earum miseria; Ego sentio compunctio…"
All of the flashbacks dissipate, one by one. Lola is starting to hemorrhage blood from all of the stab wounds. He begins to finish off the tyrannical princess. Stab 21 is directed to her forehead. He strikes true, as one could hear the squelching of bodily fluids and the rasping sound of knife hitting cranium. It's not enough force to break the skull, so he retracts the knife out painfully.
Stab 22 is to her genitals, hoping that she'd bleed to death. She didn't.
Stab 23 is directly to her heart. Before he's able to thrust his blade and pierce the vile creature's heart, she intercepts the blade and tries to fight back!
"How could this happen to me? I've made my mistakes, got nowhere to run…"
"Tunc cado, Lola Loud! Morior!"
She tries to hold back the attack as long as she can, but she succumbs to the blood loss inflicted by all of the shadow's prior gashes. Her grip slowly ebbs away as she glances at the moon one last time…
"I guess it's time for me to join you, isn't it, Leif?" She says as she can't help but chuckle, despite her impending death from exsanguination
"The night goes on as I'm fading away. I'm sick of this life, I just want to scream…"
SQUELCH!
And the shadow lands the finishing blow. Penetrating her heart with one strike! It is done. The tyrant is dead!
"How could this happen to me?"
But our shadow isn't done with his revenge yet. He begins to eviscerate Lola's vagina, gouge out her ovaries, place them on Lola's corpse and stomps on them as hard as he can.
Now, he runs away from the crime scene, tossing his condom into a storm drain and running all the way to his house, where he begins to wash the blood off all his clothes. While he does that, he washes the blood off of the knife and his skin. He sees the box of condoms in his room, so he decides to chuck it into his furnace, along with his gloves, and burn away the evidence. Finally, he washes parts of Lola's ovaries off of his shoe.
His doorbell rings.
"(Shit. Did the police already find the body?!)"
"Uh, just one minute…"
The person removes all trace evidence of the crime he committed as he answers the door.
"Oh, hey Loni, what are you doing here?"
"Can't I show up and say hello to my brother. Say, nice place you got here…"
"Loni, why are you here?"
"Right, I just wanted to tell you, we think you should see a doctor. The seven of us agreed that the incident has changed you three. You're the only one who hasn't seen him yet."
"Ok, I'll see him tomorrow."
"Really, I thought you would have refused, saying there's nothing wrong with yourself. Geeze, and here I was thinking you'd actually murder Lola in some sort of misguided revenge scheme to avenge our brother. I should have more faith in you. Well, here's the location of the doctor. And brother, it's time to move on. What happened to our brother was horrible, but killing the person responsible won't bring him back."
"Yeah…I know, Loni…"
Loni leaves, leaving our murderer looking at his clothes.
"It looks like the clothes are done. Great thing I read an internet article about how to remove blood from clothes. That toothpaste trick really worked.
He goes on about his day as if nothing ever happened.
Preview
"Yes. You know, my sister and our brother in law, Lincoln, loved reading comic books. One of the series they loved the most was Ace Savvy. It was about a superhero beating up bad guys. Since our broken system allows criminals to get off scot free, maybe we need a superhero of our own. Not one we deserve, but one we need."
Author's Note: The flowers Lola picked out for Leif and Alexa have some insight into what their personalities were like. For Leif, she chose field lilac, everlasting, iris and forget-me-not. In the Language of Flowers they mean humility, remembrance, I have a message for you and true love. The message was the arrangement of flowers. For Alexa, she chose blue acacia, elder, lotus, xeranthemum and allspice. In the Language of Flowers they mean friendship, zealousness, eloquence, cheerfulness under adversity and compassion. Lola also set down the flowers in that specific order on their graves. If you take the first letter of the flower names and put them together, they spell out Leif and Alexa, respectively.
Do you remember the mantra, "the reverse of the Ides will even the sides"? Or are you wondering why this chapter's quote is "beware the Ides of March"? This references the infamous Ides of March in 44 B.C.E when Julius Caesar was stabbed to death by members of the senate (maybe it wouldn't have happened if he WAS the senate, I mean, he was already dictator over all of Italy at the time, but I digress). But why was Lola murdered on October 18? Surely this has nothing to do with the Ides of March. Well, remember that he says the REVERSE of the Ides will even the sides. March 15 is the 74th day of the year and there are 291 days left in the year. What is the 291st day of the year, and thus be the opposite, or "reverse", of the Ides of March? That's right, it's October 18! Shakespeare has retold the assassination of Julius Caesar as one of his plays, and we know that this person is a Shakespeare buff. He even stabbed her the EXACT same amount of times Caesar was stabbed, that being 23. He even shouts "Tunc cado, Lola!" which is reference to when Marcus Junius Brutus the Younger said "then fall, Caesar!", even though he never said this, he just fled the senate building after killing Caesar, this is probably a case of pareidolia, or the Mandela Effect, or both.
"Quod suz omnis earum miseria; Ego sentio compunctio…", Lola's final line, is quite tear-jerking when it's translated. It says, "The moment of all their misery, I feel remorse". The "their" in the sentence is referring to the Loud family. You see, Lola only wants one thing, love. She doesn't think her family loves her, and who can blame her. I mean, she blackmails, extorts and beats up her siblings. Despite this, her siblings DO love her. The entire story is about Lola's redemption to try and regain her family's love and trust. She tries to atone for all the terrible stuff she's done to them over the years. This is why the stigmata is one of her items in chapter 19. Its item description originally just said "DMG up!" but to Lola, it reads "I bleed for forgiveness", a corruption on the phrase "I beg for forgiveness" (not that you'd know that since it was incorporated into the tear gun) as well as a stigmata being a mark of disgrace, this shows that Lola is a very broken individual. Originally, Superbia was the one to say this line, but I feel that the line would have more impact if Lola herself said it. Our Shakespeare buff would love this, as it is one of Shakespeare's favorite things, a tragedy.
