"Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You lookin' around and it's all scary and different, but y'know … meeting them head-on, charging into 'em like a bull — that's how we grow as people." -Rick Sanchez, December 2, 2013?

Chapter Synopsis: Someone murdered Lola last night, and chief Rosato is going to find out who


Well, someone found Lola's corpse the next day and called the police.

Meanwhile, the murderer took his brother Loni's advice and went to see a doctor, specifically a psychiatrist, to help clear his brother's suspicions and ease his grief over his brother's loss.

"Well Mr. Loud, I see that your brother, Loni, recommended you come visit me. He told me that his family is concerned about you and 2 of your other brothers handling your grief in a negative way."

"Mr. Acosta, we just want the justice system to mete out punishment to all the perpetrators involved with our brother's murder."

"I see, and if they're punished, what then?"

"We can get a sense of closure and move on with our lives."

"So, you don't think the case is closed until everyone involved has had justice dealt out to them.

"Yes. You know, my sister and our brother in law, Lincoln, loved reading comic books. One of the series they loved the most was Ace Savvy. It was about a superhero beating up bad guys. Since our broken system allows criminals to get off scot free, maybe we need a superhero of our own. Not one we deserve, but one we need."

"It takes a criminal to catch a criminal, you say? Because that's what vigilantism is. In their pursuit of justice, they become criminals themselves."

"I suppose…"

"You do realize that even if the criminals are arrested or killed, your brother won't come back?"

"Yes, Loni told me that before I came here."

"I think you need some time away from the case for you to deal with your loss. If you have any pictures of the victims or perpetrators, store them away or get rid of them, because looking at them will take you longer to move on."

"Thanks doc. But I have a few questions for you."

"What?"

"Why is there a packet of McDonalds Schezuan sauce on your desk?"

"Oh, my former bosses gave me that once I left the network."

"Did people try to eat it?"

"Yes, I told them it's not for eating, it's to be on display for eternity, or until I get some McNuggets to dip it in, whichever comes first."

"So are you…"

"Yes, I'm THE Eric Acosta, former writer for the hit TV show Rick and Morty. Well, after the show ended, I became a psychiatrist. I guess the show helped me find my new job, too. Anyway, take my advice and I'm sure you'll be able to continue living life after the incident."


After leaving the presence of a living legend, our formerly distraught brother heads back to his house and turns on the TV. He sees a news broadcast starring his youngest brother, Leon.

"BREAKING NEWS! A homeless man found a dead body today…"

The murderer scoffs "So, what else is new? The homeless stumble upon corpses all the time."

The coroner has confirmed the identity of the deceased. It is none other than former child star, Lola Loud. Here with some more details of the crime is the Royal Woods chief of police, Jordan Rosato. So, what can you tell us so far, chief?

"According to our medical examiner, Mrs. Loud was stabbed to death. He has confirmed time of death to be October 18, 2046 at 10:24 PM. There are 23 stab wounds all across the victim's body. We can also say that she was raped during the attack and that the perpetrator had mutilated her genitals postmortem."

"And do you have any ideas as to who could have done it?"

"We have a few suspects…but that is all the information I have right now."

"Ok, we'll continue to update this story as new details emerge. This is Leon Loud with channel 12 news and now, back to your regularly scheduled program."

He turns off the TV. He takes Dr. Acosta's advice and stores away all of his precious family pictures and destroys the many copies of Lola's picture he's made. His house looks clear of all evidence tying him to the crime. Suddenly, his phone rings.

"Hey, remember when chief Rosato said she had a few suspects for Lola's murder?"

"Yeah?"

"She meant us, bro. She wants all of us to come into the station to clear our names."

"Alright, I'll show up."

"Good, I don't think that anyone of us could commit such an atrocity. You know, believe it or not, I actually liked Lola. She was one of the best sister in laws we had…and now she's gone…well, it's like you said bro. The cops won't rest until the perp is caught."


All of the Loud brothers and Loud sisters arrive at the police station, where chief Rosato and her squadron of police interrogate them.

"Ok, one of you is the one who murdered Mrs. Loud. No one leaves until we figure out who."

One of the pieces of evidence is that Lola was stabbed with a knife, who here has a knife?

"Uh, all of us do. In our kitchens." Lane skeptically replied

"Yes, but this knife in particular is a hunting knife with smooth edges. Do you have that in your kitchen, comedian?"

"Uh, no ma'am. None of us have a hunting knife in our possession."

"Ok, our second piece of evidence is a shoe print on Lola's corpse. If you'd be so kind…

They all take off a shoe and give it to the police. After a lengthy analysis, none of the shoes match the print left at the crime scene. The police hand the shoes back. The suspects put their missing shoe back on.

"Well, our third piece of evidence is this wood carving that was found near Lola's body. We believe it to be some sort of calling card."

All of the brothers jump back in shock, as they know what that is.

"My carving…"

Chief Rosato notices the person who said that and walks up to him.

"So, you are the one who made the carving?"

"Yes."

"So, do you admit to killing Lola Loud?"

HOLD IT!

"Lexx is innocent!" Chief Rosato turns and sees that Lana was the one to stop the interrogation

"Oh, and what proof do you have, Mrs. Loud?"

"An alibi. He was with me at our house during the time of the murder. We had a karaoke night."

"I can corroborate Lana's alibi, too." Lexx stated

"Then where did that carving come from?"

"Like I said, I made it. I gave it to Lola as a gift."

"When did you give it to her?"

"At approximately 9:16 PM, chief."

"That still leaves an hour and eight minutes before she died."

"Well, after we left Banger's & Mosh, Lola said she would go to the cemetery and pay her respects to our brother and their daughter. I offered to take her home after we finished our meals, but she wanted to visit him."

"Lexx…" Lana says pensively

"After that, I went to our house and had our karaoke night, as planned."

"Hey, now that you mention it, I thought I saw you two at the restaurant. We were supposed to play there on October 18." Luna interjects

"Why were you at the restaurant?"

"I'm the guitarist in the band Tainted Love, luv. My name's Luna."

"Well, Luna. Did you see Lexx and Lola while you were playing?"

"To be honest, I was more focused on playing the song."

"I see. What about alibis? Where were you guys during the time of the murder?"


"I was developing some headshots at my photography business."

"I was busy trying to solve mankind's problems, corroborate it with my fellow scientists."

"I was working at the mortuary, ask the groundskeeper."

"I was at home, trying to make a comic book to entertain the masses. Just like my childhood hero, Charles Schulz."

"I was at home, relaxing after an intense baseball season. We managed to make it to the World Series, after all!

"I was at the comedy club."

"I was at home, designing my own clothing line."

"I was at work. Corroborate it with my husband, Roberto."

"I had a news story to broadcast."

"I was helping NASA with their colonization project."

"I was writing angst filled fanfiction and watching "Supernatural" at my house."

"I was working quality assurance at a video game company."

"I was practicing sports at my house."

"I was helping my sister in law with her comedy routine."

"I was at home building an ultrasonic cannon."

"I was at my brother's house, trying to convince him to see a psychiatrist to help deal with our brother's loss."

"I was training for my next military assignment."


"Ok, our fourth and final piece of evidence is the most damning one of all. Behold!

Chief Rosato shows them an evidence bag with a single strand of hair.

"This hair was left by the perpetrator while they were killing Lola. As we all can see, it is a piece of blond hair.

Everyone gasps!

"So, that eliminates all brown-haired, white-haired, and black-haired Louds. Now let's look at our blond-haired Louds' alibis once more."

"Why don't you just take a DNA test from all the blond-haired Louds?"

"Because, processing 8 people's DNA will take a long while, even with a 100% accuracy rating, it might take a few days. Sorting through your alibies will be much quicker than that.


"Lily, where is your business Located?"

"On 1216 East Lincoln Avenue."

"Huh, that's close to your parent's house, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"How long did you stay there?"

"From 10 to midnight."

"Ok, Lexx and Lana are corroborating each other's alibi's."

She singles out an officer.

"You, find someone to corroborate their story."

"Yes, ma'am!"

He leaves.

"While we're waiting on him, Leni, you said you were working on making clothes, right?"

"Yes."

"Can you show me?"

"Sure. It's a work in progress, but…"

She pulls out half of a dress.

"This was what I was working on the night of the murder."

"And you just happened to carry that with you the whole time?"

"Yep, a fashionista is always prepared."

"Ok, I believe you."

"Alright, Lori. You said your husband can corroborate your alibi, so…"

She points to a second policeman.

"You, find Roberto Santiago and see if he'll corroborate her alibi."

"Yes, ma'am!"

He leaves to find Bobby. Meanwhile, chief Rosato gets a call. It's from the first policeman.

"Hey, I got word from their son, Landon, that Lana and Lexx were here. Their alibi holds up."

She hangs up.

"Ok, Leon? Have anyone who can say you're on air?"

"Um, my bosses and everyone who tunes into channel 12 news."

"I can confirm that, chief. I watch channel 12 news. He was on air on October 18."

"Fine, what about you, Loni?"

The police weren't ready for the knowledge bomb that Loni dropped on them. It pretty much solved the case for them!


"I suppose I should start at the beginning…"

"Where have I heard that before?" Chief Rosato remarked

"It started during your interrogation of Lola, Mrs. Rosato. While you were listening to her theory on how the crime unfolded, we were waiting with bated breath to see if you thought Lola was the killer. We had a debate outside our brother's house, or as you saw it, the crime scene."

"I'm telling you, Lola didn't do it."

"Oh please, she's infamous all throughout Royal Woods for being a bitch. I heard she even blackmails her family."

"No, she seems happier, I don't think Lola would do it."

"Lola Loud is many things, but a murderer is not one of them."

"She wouldn't hurt our brother."

"How do you know, Linka?"

"Because Lane, I could see it in her eyes. She was being sincere."

"No, I think you've been fooled, elder sister. Lola is a master manipulator."

"You're wrong, Levi."

"Doubtful, I'm a certified genius."

"I say we give her a taste of her own medicine."

"No, that will just break apart our family even more, Lynn."

"You're right, but we need the ones responsible to be held accountable for their actions."

Loni continued.

"We now know that Lola had nothing to do with the murder of our brother, and seven of us accepted that, but three of us believe that wasn't it. Loki, Lynn and Levi have thought up all these crazy conspiracy theories to implicate Lola in the murder, when in reality, Lyle acted alone. He was the sole perpetrator of the crime."

"Really? Like what?"

"The craziest theory I heard from them was that Lola masterminded the whole thing and manipulated Lyle's devotion to her to kill off her family in a proxy murder. It is the most asinine theory that they had come up with!"

"Right…"

"So anyway, I talked to the three of them and told them to get counselling, as they're only struggling to cope with the loss of our brother. I visited Levi, Lynn and Loki's houses yesterday to urge them to do so. They all complied, so I headed back to my house after I was done."

Chief Rosato's phone rings again. She answers it.


"Hey, chief. I managed to track down Roberto Santiago. He said his wife was with him all night. She stayed late to finish some paperwork, then she went back to their house for the night. That clears Lori."

She hangs up.

"So Loni, you said Levi, Lynn and Loki thought Lola abetted with the murder of Leif Loud?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"Well, Levi and Lynn have brown hair, and the crime scene sample is blond, so that clears them. So only Loki is left."

"Loki, where were you on October 18, 2046?"

"At my house, training for my next assignment."

"You have a military background, correct?"

"Yes."

"So, you could have easily killed someone?"

"If you think I killed her, I didn't. If I did, it would take only 1 stab, not 23."

"Fine, but the way she was attacked suggests a personal vendetta."

"I agree."

"You don't mind if I take a hair follicle from you?"

"Fine, because I know I didn't do it."

He hands a hair sample over to her.

"Alright, you are all free to go."

Everyone leaves.


Later that night…

"So, how's the DNA testing going?"

We're comparing the samples now…

"Scanning…determining genetic match…" The computer displayed

_ _ _ _ _ _ U _

_ _ _ _ _ O U _

_ _ _ _ L O U _

_ _ _ _ L O U D

L _ _ _ L O U D

Data match: 50%

L _ _ I LOUD

Data match: 75%

L O _ I LOUD

Data match:

100%!

LOKI LOUD

"Well, let's get him!"

A swarm of police approach his house. They bust the door down with a battering ram.

"Loki Loud, you are under arrest for the murder of Lola Loud. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be provided to you by the state."

The police handcuff him and send him down to the station. He immediately said he was guilty and was happy he did it. He got an evil manipulator off of the face of the Earth, forever. He showed no remorse or guilt, just a sinister smirk that Eddy's Brother would be proud of. His sentence? Life, of course. There's one last thing for them to do now…


Preview

"Sigh, you can't see it, but I'm crying on the inside."


Author's Note: Originally, the quote for this chapter was going to be from the film Law Abiding Citizen.

Not only that, in one of the earlier drafts of this chapter. There was an enigmatic man in white who would have assassinated Loki as he was being hauled off to jail. This person saw the news of Lola's murder and decided to take action. The state of Michigan can only imprison people for life, not execute them, since they abolished the death penalty. This person also knows both of the comedians and would have called Lane personally to say that he was the one to execute his brother. He also would have mentioned that he was a guest at one of the birthday parties Lane was entertaining at, though he's also been to some of Luan's parties, too. And no, Lane did not contract the man in white to kill Loki. The man in white did that all on his own accord, free of charge. But this idea was scrapped.

Lily says her photography studio is on 1216 East Lincoln Avenue. This address is a combination of the Loud House's address, being 1216 Franklin Avenue, and the street that Loud House creator, Chris Savino, used to live, that being East Lincoln Avenue.

Fun Fact: Eric Acosta has written more Loud House episodes than Rick and Morty episodes. The count is 6 to 2.