Chapter 16 – A'dal
Shattrath in Outland.
Once more Sarah and Drew visited the three tier city which bordered Terokkar Forest and Nagrand. There Sarah would speak with the naaru. When she stepped into the central dome on the Terrace of Light, it stirred a bittersweet memory of the last time she was there. Her son's namesake, Vindicator Ocel, the great draenei paladin had arranged her first meeting with the naaru. How poignant that now it was one his daughters who brought her to the city.
Umrii, a beautiful draenei mage, who had been visiting her cousin Lukha, had more than willingly offered her help. They had waited however, until Khadgar had returned to Dalaran later that day before they portalled to Shattrath. Kindly, Lukha had offered to watch over Ocel while they made their pilgrimage to the naaru.
Sarah stood in front of the dais where the celestial being, A'dal, hovered, its heavenly luminescence shimmering, it's delicate rays and soft chimes creating a tranquil ambience.
Although her identity was concealed adequately from prying eyes, by her hood, Sarah kept her head lowered. Drew stood a few feet behind, his identity equally hidden by way of a hood. Their portal provider Umrii, stood next to him, tall elegant and proud.
Sarah had many questions. This visit however, had been fuelled mostly by Khadgar's attempt at keeping her in the dark. A combustible cocktail of emotions had been triggered by that discovery. Initially, disbelief that he would do this to her, anger that he considered her nothing more than a mother to their child and considered her incapable of fighting enemies in her own right to want to defend her family too. Thankfully, those thoughts were cooled somewhat by the wise words of her best friend Drew. Nevertheless, she was a little incensed that Khadgar should decide her place in this world; especially when she loved and wanted to defend it as much as he did. But now thanks to Drew, reminding her everything the Archmage did was out of his deep love for both her and baby Ocel, she now viewed it from a different perspective.
Staring at her feet, for they were surely starting to hurt now, she rocked gently back and forth to ease the discomfort from each foot. She wondered how Khadgar - utterly oblivious to her current whereabouts and intentions - would fare in his search for answers within his citadel. It pained her to do this behind his back, but she knew if he'd found out what she was up to and why, he would have probably conjured some ward to prevent her from stepping beyond the boundaries of Stormwind, if, not indeed, their home.
So, here she was, blessed, or cursed - the jury was still out on that one - with her demonic-combined-naaru abilities, standing, waiting her turn to speak with the naaru. Granted, she had learned how to use some of her abilities although it had been mostly through pure curiosity, trial and error, and sheer dumb luck, but indubitably there was much more she needed to know. And quickly. Where best to try glean that knowledge then from the one who had assisted her on the path to free Illidan months before? Patience however, was something she seriously lacked, and with the pending annihilation of Azeroth (yet again), time was against her. Still, she knew, she had to wait her turn.
"We meet again, Earthling."
Sarah was startled from her reverie but the soft tones of A'dal's voice in her mind.
"Yes. Thank you for granting me an audience with you." She replied in thought, inclining her head even though it was already lowered.
A small peel of laughter came from the naaru. "Not so much granted, Sarah, as a need to clear you from my presence before you collapse. I sensed you would stand there until your legs fold beneath you from exhaustion."
Sarah shifted on her feet again. A'dal wanted her cleared from her presence? More pressure then, she thought.
"What 'pressure' do you refer to?" A'dal asked.
Sarah inwardly kicked herself. Of course her every thought would be heard. "I need your tutelage. There are certain abilities, traits of the naaru which I need to learn how to use and others still which are – inconvenient - within myself, I mean."
"Such as?"
"Such as glowing every time my emotions intensify."
"Do you mean when you feel joy, sadness, anger?"
"Yes, and – " she hesitated.
"And?"
"When trying to conceal a truth." Her inner voice seemed to fade into almost a whisper as if she felt shame at wanting to do this.
A moment of silence supervened. "You mean lying?" The naaru asked.
Sarah paused. She did not consider it a lie, merely being conservative about the facts. She was still chewing over how to respond when A'dal broke the silence. "You speak of Khadgar."
Sarah considered trying to formulate another response without A'dal being aware but it was impossible. She would just have to blurt it out. "I know he has, or what he thinks, are my best interests at heart. But I feel that I have been imbued with these strange powers for a purpose, and should not be hidden away or shielded from pending danger. Do I not have the right to stand up and fight for what I love as much as he does?"
"Indeed you do, child. You and thousands of other beings, all of which you are connected with."
"Sorry. What? I – I don't understand." She had hoped for a simple 'yes' or 'no'.
"When you were projected into the Nether to rescue Illidan, you were aware of the consequences, were you not?"
"Yes. I could have died but..."
"You did."
She stumbled. "No, I didn't. Illidan saved me."
"Sarah. No mortal enters the Nether and survives. You did die albeit only for the duration of a heartbeat. As such, part of your soul still roams the Nether and this is what connects you with thousands of others within it."
She did not know she had actually died in the Nether and so this was bizarre to say the least. Unsure how to take this information, she stood, head still bowed focusing on the fact she was living and breathing. For all she still did not understand the full significance of what she was being told, she sensed there was more to this and no doubt the celestial being before her would decide when best to inform her.
"In answer to your query about your physical response to emotions, I can tell you this will fade, in fact it is already doing so if you care to look." A'dal disclosed.
There was still a glow from her markings but surprisingly nothing in comparison to what she would have expected. "How?" she asked, a note of despondency as she now dwelled on the fact part of her soul was lost in the Twisting Nether.
"Illidan infused your body with not only demon felblood but also the power of the naaru as you know. The latter was to protect your child, for the felblood alone would have corrupted the babe, and so Illidan asked us to intervene, which we did. The connection with your emotions was congenital to that protection. Had he not seen you were with child, things may have been very different indeed, Sarah.
"As you no doubt are aware you continue to experience chaotic emotions. These will fade. Similarly, the emotional 'flare' associated with the protective power of the naaru, has been dissipating of its own accord each day as its original purpose is now complete. You could have, however, taken control of it once your son was born through merely the power of thought. I suspect, as you had grown accustomed to its flare during your pregnancy, you considered it as a lasting side-effect, mayhap? However, once the power of the naaru is imbued in one, it does not abandon you. Now it will rise to your will, not to your emotional state."
She had been under the impression that the gift of the naaru was to protect her babe only when they battled with the Burning Legion. She had not understood that it was actually a necessity to counteract the felblood's effect on her child. It was not something therefore to be ungrateful about but, it still was a long way from answering all her questions.
An unexpected blow was then delivered. "Your child, as he was conceived prior to any of these physical changes in you, will be your first – and your last. As part of your soul wanders the Nether, this has removed the ability to procreate, Sarah."
A'dal's words sank in slowly, but once they did Sarah's legs folded and she crashed down on her knees. The judder from bone impacting heavily on stone reverberated through her entire body, yet she did not even flinch. An arm around her shoulder informed her Drew was at her side; as always, the faithful puppy. Her breath caught in her throat, a tightening gripped her heart. It took all she had to remain upright in her kneeling position.
Her eyes welled as Khadgar's slip of the tongue when he'd held his son, echoed in her mind. "Next one will be a sister for you." How the hell could she tell him that she was now barren and incomplete, because part of her wandered about the skies in the Nether? He quite literally had ended up with damaged goods. She suddenly considered herself utterly repulsive, violated to the point she felt unworthy of such a great man's attention let alone his love.
"Stop with this train of thought! Learn to appreciate what surrounds you, and stop lamenting what you will never have!"
The brutality of A'dal's words had her swaying. How easy it was to forget the naaru was tuned into her frequency and every emotion, every miniscule thought process and result was received loud and clear. Even though her glowing trait was dwindling, and was barely visible considering her current emotions, she did not bother trying to snuff it out altogether. Now she so incensed by the celestial beings utter disregard for her human condition."Forgive me A'dal, supreme being but at the risk of offending you, you have no idea how that news you have just shared makes the warm-bloodied human female in me feel!
"How could you after all? You are just an ethereal, diaphanous being, a conscience, without substance. Powerful yes, in matters of magic and prophecy but you are bereft, clueless, vacuous even when it comes to the miracle of motherhood. You have never known what it means to hold your child in your arms, or hope and plan for another with the man you love more than life itself. I will not be made to feel ashamed for feeling the pain, the loss, at finding out I am less than I was before I came to Azeroth!
"I am not unappreciative of having been blessed with the love of a man I never in a million years thought would even look my way. I know we have a beautiful son, whom I love unconditionally. I am well aware that I was saved by Illidan and made into a demon hunter then played a part in helping to defeat the Burning Legion. Each and everything just declared, incredible, miraculous.
"But do not expect me to just accept that which has been stripped from me as inconsequential. You float there and tell me I can bear no more children. It is the ultimate declaration of my love for Khadgar that has been torn from me. So, how dare you tell me to offload such pain when you know nothing about it!"
She fought those tears as if it meant her life, for she did not want Drew to be any more concerned than he was already. She struggled to her feet, Drew steadying her by her elbow. She turned to leave, convinced that she had most definitely alienated the naaru. She would have to try and find out what she needed elsewhere. Somehow.
A'dal slipped back into her mind. "We wondered when you would come to us seeking answers, Sarah. So I will ensure that today you leave with all you need."
Sarah turned back to face the shimmering being, stunned that she was still being granted an audience. Tentatively, she returned to where she had stood previously and assured Drew she was fine. He stepped back to give her space.
"Firstly, know this, Sarah of Earth. You can never return to your home world again."
Sarah winced. More bad news. For all it had never been a consideration since her decision to stay with the man she loved, the ominous undertone of this limitation nonetheless frightened her. "Why?" she managed.
"There was a third gift bestowed when Illidan revived you. It was unintentional, but it did however become part of your new personage, as it were. Illidan for all his demonic mutation, is still primarily a night elf. And what is it, Sarah, that sets the night elves apart from all others?"
It was a simple question and one which she knew the answer, yet its connotation did not make her feel joyous.
The naaru could tell that she had deduced the ramifications. "Yes. Immortality. You are more like Illidan than you realise, there is a bond between you now which nothing and no-one can put asunder. In so being however, it means you cannot return, in physical form at least, to your world. For if you do, you will wither and die within moments of stepping foot on your soil."
Sarah fought back the still threatening tears. What she had started to hope was a gift was in fact, a curse. She had known nothing of these two, heart-breaking conditions which were part of her transformation.
All this because she believed in Illidan. And to what ends? To stand by and watch those around her grow old and die? What of Khadgar and their son? Drew, Erik, Lukha? She had just been guaranteed the horror of witnessing them growing old and dying while she remained the same - untouched by age, or illness, her mortality a mere memory. That, or cross the universe to certain instantaneous death. She was trapped within her own body.
"Try not to despair, Sarah. You are alive. You have love. You have a son. There is hope for a bright future. Always hope. You will continue to have certain abilities inherent to the naaru, such as telepathy, levitation, you can communicate with the essence of life itself on Azeroth, and you are able to heal and protect with our light. Finally, there is one more ability. One which will aid greatly in the coming war..."
Sarah listened as the naaru explained in depth what purpose she truly had. In listening, she only felt resigned to her destiny, she could not enthuse about it, nor embrace it any more. On one hand, she understood now how to properly use the special abilities imparted to her. It did not however take away the shadow of her sorrow.
A'dal came to the end of her revelation and finished with one more piece of the jigsaw puzzle. "The visiting spirit within your friend is part of this, Sarah. There is also another and you must find it. I cannot stress enough, that time is running must make haste."
Sarah glanced at Drew, her brow looked back at her, mirroring her expression. "But who is inside him? And who this other?" she asked A'dal.
"Connect with your friend as you have done before. The spirit will communicate with you now and lead you to the other one."
She looked back at Drew; her faithful puppy. She prayed that this spirit he carried would not corrupt his mortality and that he could return home unscathed, perhaps find love with this Bernie who, she guessed, he cared for more than he openly admitted.
"Now?" she asked the naaru.
"There is no time like the present Sarah, if you wish to have the future."
"Sarah? You look so sad. What troubles you?" Drew asked. "What has A'dal told you? And I beg you do not keep things from me like you did once before."
She nodded, then thanking A'dal for her guidance and for the answers to all her questions; even those she had not known to ask. She turned to leave. With a subdued smile, she led Drew and Umrii to the already established portal to Stormwind within the Terrace of Light and together, they passed through.
They alighted within the upper most room of the mage tower in Stormwind. Umrii offered to teleport them to Lukha's house, but Sarah wished to walk. It was not that far anyhow. As they strolled through the gardens in the Mage District, she remained silent, lost in her thoughts.
There is always a price, she reflected. And it was not always possible to know the currency that would be exchanged. In her case, it was both her fertility and mortality. She was unable to give Khadgar more children, which by all accounts he had seemed keen to have. When did one even broach that subject? After many more years unsuccessfully conceiving? Considering she had fell pregnant so easily the first time, it would probably be much sooner before it needed addressed.
And, as for her mortality... Should they succeed in this coming battle, she was destined to watch him grow old and weak, perhaps die in her arms. He would look upon her face, seeing her unchanged. Would it only be discussed then, as he drew his last breath? What would cause him more pain, she wondered. The silent observation as the years slipped from him and she remained youthful, flawless? Or knowing and having to accept the fact that she would have to carry on without him, indefinitely? When should she drop those bombshells? Whatever, she was going to end up alone.
Right at that moment, she wished there was a ripple, rift or portal that could take her back to that fateful night where she sat in her car, stuck in traffic in the rain. She would take a different route, one where that lorry would not have hit her and she would be sitting at home now, in her pyjamas playing World of Warcraft with Drew. Never would she meet and fall in love with Khadgar, nor save the King of Stormwind, nor become a demon hunter, or an infertile immortal. She would go back to being an office worker who hid from the world. Simple. Without complications.
Yet. When she put a veil over the upsetting revelations of today, denying their existence, she realised that what she had now was truly wonderful. Definitely more than she would ever have had sitting at home with her laptop, playing computer games.
Khadgar. Now, even just his name made her heart swell. Their time together had been a little tumultuous to start with, but oh, the making up had been so, so sweet. Within his arms she felt safe, loved, precious even. She would never have had that stuck at home in Scotland.
No doubt, moving ahead was going to have many trials and obstacles for them, providing they survived the coming battle with the Void of course. She afforded herself a little smile. Would she want to sacrifice all this time with him? No. Of course not, and neither would she want to lose whatever lay ahead for them. She just had to hope he would feel the same once he knew certain things about her.
Reaching Lukha's front door, she readied herself for the questions they would all throw at her. She would only say that she had received information on how to utilise her powers, without revealing what was expected of her, for truth be told, she found it even more unbelievable than drawing the titan Azeroth into being. If Drew questioned what happened when she collapsed to her knees, she would try to dismiss it by saying she was exhausted and her knees simply buckled. She would however, once they returned to her house, then explain to him about the spirit he was playing host to.
Truth was, she was tired. Perhaps the trauma from what she had learned, combined with simply being a mother to a six week old baby, worrying about Khadgar, the pending war...
Yes. Life in Azeroth was indeed tiring.
