Chapter 17: Freeze This Time

Dinner was another meal of carryout meals from the Grill. Aria and Caleb picked up the meals and brought them back for everyone. They discussed more about their plan to figure out any kinks they might face and a way to get around them. Toby barely touched his food that night. His hamburger looked delicious, but he could barely stomach three bites. Spencer struggled to eat her pasta too. Toby was the one who ordered it for her while she was taking a shower. This was her favorite dish from the Grill, and she was impressed that Toby remembered.

They agreed it would be better for them all to spend another night in the cabin. Their plan will go into full force tomorrow. Toby tried hard to be nicer today, but he was still short with Spencer. Room arrangements were the same as last night. Only this time, Toby managed to pull Spencer aside long enough to lend her one of his old T-shirts for her to wear. Last night she was stuck in her dirty shirt and jeans. He even said goodnight to her before she joined Alison and Emily in their room.

"Is anyone else really nervous about tomorrow?" Emily asked.

Emily and Alison lay side by side in the bed. Spencer was tucked into the sleeping bag on the floor. The light was off, but neither one of them felt tired.

"Me," Alison and Spencer said together.

Emily sighed, "are we even sure this plan is going to work? Tanner found out the truth ten years ago and she didn't care."

"She didn't have all the details before," Spencer said. "But yeah, there's still the fear that nothing will change."

"Plus, the public didn't know about it, so no one outside of the academy pushed to free us," said Alison.

"Em, have you talked to your dad recently?" Spencer asked. "I was thinking, maybe he could find a way to help us."

"I left him a message on my phone early this morning, but he hasn't gotten back to me yet. I wouldn't worry though. Sometimes it can take days for him to respond."

"We don't have days," Alison said. "We're doing this tomorrow."

"Let's just hope he responds by the morning then," said Emily.

Spencer scoffed, "you know how I feel about hope. Breeds eternal misery."

Alison laughed. Emily looked at her and asked, "what's so funny?"

Alison smiled, "Our grandmother used to say that."

"Was your grandmother...?" Emily started.

Alison shook her head, "no. She died of a heart attack. All this witch nonsense started during our mom's generation."

"Come to think of it, grandma didn't want mom to do that new cancer trial," Spencer recalled. "She said it seemed fishy."

"I thought you said mom did that trial when she was pregnant with you." Said Alison.

"She did," said Spencer. "But Melissa told me that."

"What happened to your other sister?" Emily asked. "If she was born before your mom got cancer, how did she end up dead?"

"The witch hunts were a lot more lethal back in the day," said Spencer. "They didn't take the time to figure out what was the cause of the change in human behaviors yet. They thought it was just something that was being passed down from mothers to their kids."

"I just hope tomorrow we can all put an end to this nonsense for good," Alison said. "No one will have to hide anymore. The only thing I'm worried about is if we can trust Hanna and Caleb."

"I think we can trust Hanna to keep Caleb in line," said Emily.

"We thought that before," said Alison.

"My main concern is Mona and her lair," said Emily. "We don't even know if all her evidence is still there."

"She has work from twenty years ago in that lair," said Spencer. "She wouldn't risk losing anything by moving her lair now."

"Spencer, we're going with you tomorrow to back you up in case things go wrong, but I think we should take Toby with us," Alison said.

"What?" Spencer sat up. "He can't come with us. He might be clean and thinking clearly now, but Mona's found a way to twist his mind. We can't take the risk that she'll try to do that."

"All he's going to want to do is protect us," said Emily.

"That's my point," said Spencer. "He'll get in the way. He loses his mind when it comes to me. It's better if he goes with Hanna and Caleb."

"He'll lose his mind not being with you worrying about if you're safe or not," said Alison. "Do you honestly think that Toby's not sitting out there right now not planning to follow us to Mona?"

"Alison's right, Spencer," Emily said. "He'll risk his own life to protect you."

Spencer's eyes began to water, "that's what I don't want. I don't think I deserve his protection anymore. Not after all the pain and trouble I've caused him."

There came a soft knock on their door. They turned their heads. The door creaked open. Aria's head popped inside.

"Hey," she whispered. "Do you guys have any extra room in here? I can't spend another night sharing a room with a couple that's coupling."

Alison laughed. Emily smiled.

"Here," Spencer got out of her sleeping bag. "You can use my bag."

Aria did not ask questions before rushing in. Spencer slipped out the bedroom door and shut it behind them. Aria snuggled into the sleeping bag hoping for a good night's sleep.

"Where is Spencer going?" Emily wondered.

"She's probably going out there to do some coupling of her own with Toby," said Alison.

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Toby lay awake staring up at the ceiling fan going round and round. The darkness was silent, except for the onbeat sound of the clock hanging above the stove. His mind, however, was loud with thoughts and worries. He could not stop thinking about tomorrow's plan. There is always a risk that something will go wrong. Knowing his look, the something that could go wrong will happen to Spencer. He couldn't force his mind to think about anything else. Toby spent the last year wanting to take down the academy. He spent a lot of time wishing to be with Spencer again. All those nights spent dreaming about her appearing in his life again. In hindsight, being with Spencer was all he had ever wanted. Spencer is alive and she is here, but Toby is holding her at arm's length. He can't stop thinking about how the first thing he should've done when Spencer appeared in front of him was kiss her. He was so shocked and full of emotions that at the time, he couldn't even fully register that she was alive. Had he gotten used to the feeling of missing her? She's here and he still misses her.

Toby stared at the door to the room Spencer was in on the other side. Should've asked her to sleep out here with me, he thought. Few people get a second chance with the person they love. Toby has it and so far, he has failed to take advantage of it. He turned over to lay on his other side. After a moment, Toby was about to close his eyes when he heard a whisper. He turned over just as Spencer was slipping into the right side of his bed. He turned all the way onto his side. They faced each other. Even in the dark, Toby could see her brown eyes staring back at him. He had to blink a few times to be sure he wasn't dreaming this. She exhaled softly.

"What are you doing?" Toby asked. His voice was groggy, though he wasn't sleeping.

"Aria took my sleeping bag," said Spencer, smiling a little. "She couldn't stand another night bunking with Hanna and Caleb."

It was her attempt to loosen some of the tension between them. Toby couldn't even manage a fraction of a smile. He looked down and caught a glimpse of the white bandage on the side of her body. Spencer pulled the shirt she was wearing down over it.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Toby said.

He was referring to the person that saved him from the house fire. When he tracked down and kidnapped Lucas. A fire had started leaving Toby out cold in the basement. When he woke up again, he was outside the house being taken care of by paramedics. Toby wondered who pulled him out of there after discovering the firefighters found him outside of the home. He remembers having a "dream" that Spencer was there talking to him. Now, he knows Spencer really was there that night. She did talk to him. She didn't just talk to him. She tried to warn him. Spencer didn't answer him with words. Instead, she nodded. Finally, clarifying to him that he wasn't crazy. Spencer did save him from the fire.

"How did you find me?" He asked.

"I knew that house was one of your many hide outs," she said. "I had been following you for some time at that point. Not in a creepy way. I tried to check up on you and Alison whenever I could."

Toby adverted his eyes from her and whispered, "you should've left me there."

"No," Spencer said sharply. "Do not even think like that."

They laid in silence for a moment. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Toby untangled the blanket around his legs and put it over Spencer when she shivered. He touched her cheek. He pulled back instantly when she met his eyes.

"You were standing outside my loft when I got back from Radley," he said.

"I didn't know you were coming home that day," she admitted. "I checked your loft every week until you nearly caught me."

"Why did you run?" He whispered.

"I was scared."

"Of me?"

"No," she said quickly. "Of everything. It occurred to me that if I were there watching you then Mona would be lurking close by."

"Why did you pick now to reveal yourself?" He asked. "What made you come into the light after all this time?"

"You."

The way she said that made Toby shiver.

"I saw how much danger you were in," she said. "I couldn't hide anymore."

"Don't you mean how much danger I caused."

"Danger, you had caused because I let Mona convince me that 'being dead' was best for everyone," Spencer admitted. This was the part of her story she hadn't shared with everyone else. "Before, everyone was scrambling to find me and save me. Alison was at risk of being executed because I lost touch with her. I didn't force her to come with me where we would've been safer together. It was easy for Mona to spot me and use me because I was careless. Everyone was hurt because of me. Aria and Hanna broke the law to help me. So did you. You really should've just killed me that first night. None of this would've happened."

It was Spencer's turn to look away. Toby finally understood why Spencer stayed away. Just like him, she felt guilty. She genuinely believed that everything that's happened in the past three years was her fault. Had Mona gotten inside her head too and convinced Spencer that she really was evil like the world thought? She thought everyone would be better and safer with her gone. Not fully realizing how truly devastated people were to lose her. Toby touched her cheek. She met his blue eyes.

"Don't you think like that," he whispered to her.

"Think of all the pain I left you in," said Spencer. "You hate me for it. I know you do. I know part of you blames me. You can't even let me in anymore."

"That's not it," he said.

"You said it yourself, remember?" Her eyes became glossy.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said. "Just… Your death destroyed me, Spencer. I won't lie about that. I think the part of me that 'died' with you is going to take some time to resurrect."

"I'm sorry, Toby."

"Don't apologize. You did what you had to do to survive. I can't tell you how many nights, well the nights I could get to sleep, I spent dreaming you would show up again."

"I dreamt of it too," she said. "Being able to come back to you and be with you again. Even if it was for one last moment. You have no idea how hard it was for me to stay away. Walking around seeing how destroyed you were and how powerless I was."

"I definitely understand feeling powerless," he whispered. "I need to go with you tomorrow."

"We've been over this…"

"No, you've been over it," Toby snapped. He took a breath and lowered his voice. "I haven't taken the chance to say yet how glad I am that you are alive. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would see you again like this, but now that I have it's made me realize how fucking terrified, I am to let you in again."

"What?" Spencer said, softly.

"The last two days I've kept fighting with my urge to kiss you because I know if I do that, I face another risk of losing you again. If I let you in, I'm scared that it won't be long before you disappear on me again."

Spencer didn't know what to say to that. When she thought about his words, it made sense. He had a point. She's here now, but the world is still a messed-up place. Mona is hunting her. If things go wrong tomorrow, Tanner and her colleagues could capture her and finish the job they thought they did a year ago. There is a very high risk he will lose her again. There is also a risk that she will lose him again. She didn't realize she had the same fear until Toby voiced his own concerns.

"You're afraid of losing me again. I get that." Spencer looked into his eyes. "I'm afraid of losing you. On top of that, I'm afraid I may never fully get you back."

He took a breath and said, "why does it almost seem like the dream version of this is better?"

She put her hand on his cheek and said, "because in most dreams you can control the outcome with your mind. In real life, which isn't always the case."

Toby shook his head, "I'm not so sure that's true. In the dream I'd have, I was able to see you and talk to you, but I couldn't touch you."

Spencer stared at him for a moment. Then, she took his hand and placed it over her chest so he could feel her heart beating. Toby kept his hand on her heart as he looked into her eyes. This was her way of proving to him without words that what is happening right now is real. She is alive. She's here lying in bed with him. Her heart is beating. She is breathing. And her eyes look so beautiful. She is precious, Toby thought.

"If I had things my way, I'd wrap you up in bubble wrap and never let you out of my sight again," he confessed.

"If I had things my way, I'd forget this plan and disappear with you into the shadows."

For the first time since they reunited, Toby smiled. She finally felt some of the tension between them loosen. Spencer felt a chill pass through her. She already had the one blanket on the bed that Toby had given to her, but there was another source of heat that she wanted. Spencer hesitated before scooting closer to him, bringing the blanket with her. She moved in closer until she was snuggled up against Toby's bare chest. Toby let go of his fears for tonight and wrapped his arm around her, smushing her close. Spencer lay with her head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating. For the first time in a long time, she felt safe.

After a moment, Spencer titled her head up to whisper goodnight to him. Toby did not even give her a chance to get the words out before she felt his lips on hers. In a flash, all their memories came back to them. Their first meeting, in Spencer's old home during a thunderstorm. Spencer getting a glimpse of his blue eyes between the flashes of lightning. Their first conversation. The first smile they shared. The first time Spencer truly felt safe with Toby while watching a movie and falling asleep in his arms. Their first kiss in the motel. Even the memory of what they both thought was Spencer dying came back to them. Toby relived all the pain he went through. All the sleepless nights wishing to be back with Spencer. The moment just a few days ago when they finally met again face to face. Spencer touched her forehead to Toby's, whispering to him that she was alive.

Toby cupped his hand around her chin and sunk his lips deeper onto hers. Spencer wrapped her arms around him. The heat from the kiss worked fast to reach Toby's heart as he felt it come back to life. He felt her bare legs intertwine with his. It felt wrong to stop, but they needed a minute to catch their breath. Spencer opened her eyes when she felt a tear slip down Toby's face.

"That's one way to say goodnight," she said, breathless.

"I don't want to go to sleep," he whispered.

"You need too," Spencer said. She stroked his face with her hand. "You're exhausted. I can see it on your face. You need to sleep."

Toby struggled against the fight to keep his eyes open. "If I close my eyes, I'm afraid that you won't be there when I open them again. Just like in my dreams."

"Hey, I will be here when you open them again. I promise." She kissed him short, but passionately. Spencer leaned her forehead against his head and put her fingers in his hair. "Go to sleep," she whispered.

Toby lost against his heavy eye lids as they sent him into temporary darkness. He drifted off with the feeling of Spencer's breath against his cheek and her fingers combing through his hair.


You're welcome. I finally gave you a decent Spoby moment. They might be having a happy moment now, but will it last? Expect more fun in the next chapter.