A/N: Thanks again to everyone for all your reviews! I truly appreciate every single one. Sorry I haven't replied individually as yet-I will try to catch up on individual replies over the weekend. Still devoting every spare moment to the actual writing and editing of this thing. I plan to post a chapter a day up to the premiere, and I will try to keep up that rate as long as my editing can keep pace. Giving you two chapters tonight just for the heck of it.
xxx
Cho stayed in the hospital for three weeks.
Rigsby, Van Pelt, and Jane rotated their visits on and off to keep him company and to help keep the office covered. Well, Jane wasn't much help on that point, as he was more likely to stretch out on the couch and catch a catnap than do anything useful like answer the phones, but he did go into the CBI on occasion, for appearances' sake.
Lisbon was at the hospital almost constantly. She could be found there at almost any hour of the day, reading to Cho from a stack of Dickens novels or teasing him about one of the nurses having a crush on him. Jane even caught her fluffing his pillow, for God's sake. Watching her fuss over Cho, he realized he was gaining a keen insight into what it must have been like in the Lisbon household when one of the Lisbon boys was sick or injured. Lisbon would have always been at their sides, spoiling them terribly and providing whatever comfort occurred to her to offer. Jane's heart ached a little, thinking that he wouldn't mind being on the receiving end of her tender ministrations for a change.
She left only when one of the other members of the team was there to watch over Cho, and when she did, it was usually only to go home and grab a shower before heading into the office for a few hours before returning to the hospital, usually bearing food of some kind for her patient. Jane was sure she wasn't sleeping, a fact confirmed when she showed up one morning after she'd ostensibly left to catch a few hours of sleep with a batch of the most god-awful cookies he'd ever encountered.
He ate one out of curiosity. It didn't taste too bad, actually, but it was hard as a rock and he had to quit after the first couple of bites for fear of ending up with a mouthful of cracked teeth. Cho, on the other hand, actually seemed to like them. He crunched away happily on the things like he actually took pleasure in consuming organic matter that appeared to have been fossilized and then excavated from some kind of archaeological dig. Jane was a little surprised that Cho didn't seem to mind Lisbon's hovering. Not that he, Jane, would have, but Cho was made of sterner stuff than he was. It was possible that Cho just realized that Lisbon needed to hover for her own reassurance and that he let her do it more for her sake than for his, but Jane had the sneaking suspicion that Cho was actually enjoying being fussed over. Which as he'd said, he could hardly blame him for.
She was unfailingly cheerful on these visits, probably because she believed Cho needed an example of a positive outlook to lift his spirits while he recovered. On the rare occasions Jane's time in the office overlapped with hers these days, she was as brusque and focused as ever, always the consummate professional.
Jane wasn't fooled. She put up a brave front, but he knew that she was withdrawing into herself. He was an expert at displaying a sunny exterior to the world when inwardly the pieces were crumbling; he recognized the signs. Plus, the quality of her baking was improving, which despite what Rigsby thought, was unfortunate, because it meant that she still wasn't sleeping. She was getting up in the middle of the night to pore over cookbooks and turn out batch after batch of cookies, muffins, and scones which she brought to Cho. Rigsby, profiting from the surplus of baked goods delivered to Cho and clueless about his boss's nocturnal baking habits, was delighted by this turn of events. Jane, however, knew the truth, and was disturbed by it.
He saw her shoulders slump, ever so slightly, when she thought no one was looking. Saw her rub her eyes and fiddle with her cross. Saw her look off into the distance and appear utterly lost. Then come back to herself with darkness glittering in her eyes.
Frankly, it was really starting to worry him.
He hated seeing her upset. If he'd said this to her, she would have told him that was a surprise to her, given that he was the one who usually seemed to go out of his way to do things that he knew would upset her. It was true, though. He liked to rile her up, yes—it was so fun to watch her when she was piqued- but he hated the idea of something he'd done actually upsetting her. Of course, that ship had pretty much already sailed, what with him getting a member of her team shot. Still, he hated seeing her like this. Pretending to be fine, shoring up the rest of the team. Meanwhile, the ground was turning to quicksand beneath her and no one else had noticed.
It was time he did something about it.
He made it his business to catch her in her office one day, knowing she wouldn't want to have this conversation in the hospital.
He departed from his usual tradition of barging in and knocked gently on the doorjamb to announce his presence. "Hey."
She looked up. "Hey."
"Any chance I can persuade you to leave your paperwork behind for a while and get lunch with me?"
"Not right now, Jane. I'm in the middle of something."
"Come on, you've got to eat."
"I'll grab something later."
"You need to take a break."
"I will. I'm going to go over to the hospital later this afternoon. I'll get something then."
"No, I mean a real break. One for you, not one that involves taking care of someone else or serving the people of California."
"I don't have time for a break right now."
"You should make time. I'm worried about you."
"About me?" she said blankly. "Why?"
"You're taking this thing about Cho too hard."
Her face closed off. "A member of my team was shot," she said coldly. "You'll forgive me if I'm not able to shake it off quickly enough to suit you."
"That's not what I meant," he said hastily. "I meant, you're taking it too personally."
"One of the people I trust and value most in the world was almost killed. Of course I'm taking it personally," she snapped.
Jane tried not to be distracted by the stab of jealousy that he felt when she mentioned trust. Her trust was something he'd been pursuing for years, but she'd never completely admitted to trusting him. Cho, however, was securely on that list of precious few. He forced his mind back to the task at hand. He couldn't allow himself to be sidetracked right now. "Yes, of course. You're right. I'm just concerned that you're not taking care of yourself."
"I'm taking care of myself just fine," she said coolly.
"You're not sleeping," he pointed out. "And your eating habits have gotten even more irregular than usual."
"I'm fine," she repeated. "It's nothing you need to be concerned about."
"Of course I'm concerned," he said, exasperated. "You're doing too much. You're at the hospital at all hours, yet you're still managing to keep up at work. Which you are only managing to do because you seem to have eliminated those little details of eating and sleeping from your life."
She brushed him off. "I have a lot on my mind."
"Yes, I know." He hesitated. She looked very far away, as though those things that were weighing on her had only to be mentioned in passing to reclaim their hold on her. "Anything you want to talk about?"
She tapped her pen on her desk, lost in thought. "How do you think he knew?" she said suddenly.
"Who?" Jane said, taken aback.
"Red John, of course," she said impatiently. "How do you think he figured out your plan this time?"
For once, Jane couldn't say he'd given it much thought. He'd been thoroughly distracted by everything that came after. "I don't know," he admitted.
"He knew the exact location," she mused.
"Yes." That was odd. Jane hadn't told anyone but the team where they were going, and he knew they wouldn't have said anything to anybody outside the unit.
"And he had the timing just right, too."
Jane frowned. "True."
"I can't get it out of my head," she confessed. "How he got the drop on us yet again. God, he's always one step ahead of us. All these years, and we never seem to get any closer to catching him."
"That's not true," Jane said. "We know more about him than we did when we started."
She shook her head. "Precious little."
"Yes," Jane agreed. He felt weary all of a sudden, thinking about it. "Sometimes it feels like we're chasing a ghost."
She frowned. "We're not, though. He's only human. He has weaknesses, just like everybody else. He's just more clever at hiding them than most."
He sighed. "I've noticed."
"I'm sick of this," she said. "I'm sick of him thinking that he's always going to win. That he can just toy with us for his own amusement."
"What are you saying?" Jane said, feeling uneasy. He was surprised that Lisbon was following this line of thought. He'd thought all her energy was going into taking care of Cho and keeping up with her current case load. Apparently, she'd found time to develop her own obsession with bringing down Red John. Probably while baking muffins at three in the morning.
"I'm going to get him," she said fiercely. "He's going to pay for what he's done. And he is never going to hurt anyone we care about ever again."
Jane was alarmed at the tone of her voice. She sounded like… well, him. Like she wouldn't hesitate to shoot Red John in cold blood if the opportunity presented itself. He should have been pleased. If Lisbon had come around on the whole vengeance thing, theoretically, it would make his life easier. He wouldn't have to worry about working around her when it came time to exact his revenge. He might even be able to persuade her to help him. But truthfully, it had never occurred to him that she would ever change her mind about this. Lisbon believed in the law. It was who she was. And when it came down to it, he didn't want her to change her mind. He didn't want her to change who she was, for this. For anything. He relied on her. He still wanted his revenge, of course, but perversely, he didn't want her to want him to get it. He needed her to be Lisbon, strong and uncompromising and better than him. To be his north star.
She came back to herself, and looked at him. "Was there anything else you needed, Jane? Because I really need to get back to this."
"No," he said, dread churning in his stomach. "No, I don't need anything. I'll leave you alone."
"Thanks," she said, dismissing him without another thought. "I'll see you later."
He managed a weak smile. "Yeah. Later." And not knowing what else to do, he left.
That hadn't gone how he'd planned it to at all.
