A/N: Honestly, I cannot even fathom that the day of this story's return is finally here. To say the last three months were hellacious would be an understatement. Being immuno-compromised, illnesses come often and linger, and so while I will not go into details, I am doing much better over these past two weeks. Additionally, one of my closest friends nearly lost her life in a fully separate tragedy, and my nights have been swarmed with phone calls and talking her through panic attacks, etc. It just has been a nearly impossible time to write. I know that many of you do not particularly care about what was going on in between writing chapters as you're just grateful I'm alright and something new to read is here, but I feel its only right to keep you updated. Especially for those people who have been following my work for years now. Anyways, here is nearly 15,000 words for you all. I hope you enjoy :)


Headed into Thursday, the only word to describe our home was tense. There was a palpable tension radiating from the bones. Of our spirit. Of the house. Of the very bodies inhabiting it. It didn't help that the house felt packed in and of itself. With Carter arriving Wednesday morning and Maya not leaving until Thursday afternoon, every space felt confined. There was no room to breathe. No room to escape. No room to sit in all Jacob was facing. All we were facing.

Wednesday evening after work, I found Alison in our walk-in closet, and when I turned the corner, I chuckled wondering how I hadn't thought of it myself. "There she is…" My voice trailed, attempting to gauge her emotion through body language alone.

She was sitting on the floor facing our shoe rack, picking up each pair of shoes one at a time and placing them back as tightly together as she could to attempt to fit the four or five pairs that always laid strewn about the carpet. Her eyes were clear though as she glanced up at me, immediately raising her hand to hold mine. I settled on the ground behind her, extending my legs out for Alison to scoot back into my chest. As her hands settled on my upper thighs just above my knees, I felt her fully relax against me, even for a brief moment.

My arms wrapped around her waist, turning to kiss the side of her neck gently. "You doing alright there, my love?"

"Better now." She muttered, curling her hands around my thighs and rubbing them back and forth. We yearned for closeness in our relationship. Begged for additional time any way we could get it. "How's downstairs?"

"Quiet, right now. Jake is taking a nap, and Carter ran out to pick up dinner for all of us. When I didn't hear anything from you for a bit, I told My that I was going to come looking for you." My hands moved toward the sides of her waist, feeling the cotton from her shirt taper as her waist grew smaller in comparison to her hips. Gripping her tightly, my lips trailed along her right shoulder. We all knew what we were up against tomorrow, and it already exhausted us. We were past the point of conversation; we wanted it done. "Honestly, I'm happy I found you."

Alison pulled her head out to the left to look at me, "Today?"

"Today and always." I replied, slinking my hand down her leg. Clutching my right leg more tightly, her left reached around to cup the side of my face. Her thumb etched just below my lower lip as I kissed it tenderly. "I love you." My voice whispered out, releasing the tension from the space around us.

"Love you, Emmy." She leaned forward, moving her hand to now nip at me in exchange. Her teeth were replaced by her lips, kissing me delicately. "How much time do we have?" I knew what she was insinuating as my eyebrow raised, my nails scratching at her skin in reply.

"None really…" I groaned as Alison pressed herself further against me hearing my rebuttal.

With one more brief kiss, Alison pushed herself to the left, popping up off the floor effortlessly. "Then we make time!"

She stepped over my legs to make her way to the bathroom itself, turning the cold water on in the shower before closing the double doors. "What are you doing, Al – " But my question was answered before I could finish her name. Rounding the corner again, her right hand fell from behind her back before reaching her hands up the sleeves of her shirt and casually dropping her bra on the tile floor in front of me.

Scrambling to my feet, Alison laughed while calling me forward. "Come here, beautiful." I followed her into the main part of the restroom, her hand reaching for the waistline of my sweatpants, pulling down the sides until my pants lingered a few inches below my waist, so that my underwear peaked out from its edges.

As Alison attempted to escape me, my hands caught her waist once more, pulling her back into me. She squealed falling into my chest but quickly relenting. The tips of her fingers found the edges of my t-shirt easily, leaning backwards and pulling my shirt over my head to leave me in my sports bra. My lips found hers aggressively, having not had a moment like this alone with her in over a week. Our desire was seeping through our pores.

Her right hand reached behind us until she found the countertop of our vanities. My body sidled up against hers, immediately seeking relief through our tightened hold. Slipping my right hand up her shirt, I caressed her recently freed breast while kissing her neck and grinding my hips against her upper thigh. "Mmm, fuck." She exhaled, breathily.

"I wish I could take my time with you." I growled into her ear, catching her earlobe lightly between my teeth.

Throwing her head back as her left hand grabbed my ass, she groaned. "Time doesn't exist right now, Emmy. Please." The pleading was joined with her hand starting to push and pull against my body, increasing the force of my hips on her leg.

I pulled away from her briefly, barely licking the small spot I left behind. "Is that okay?" My question came out as more of a squeak before Alison captured my lips in hers once more while nodding. Readjusting myself to the right so my thigh provided her some relief as well, Alison's left hand moved to just below my throat.

We kissed desperately. It reminded me of our first night together after our second date at the museum. The way that two people become acquainted with one another's kiss with a ferocity that is unmatched. Discovery and passion radiating between new partners. She switched between tenderness and impatience as more and more prominent mewls escaped her lips.

Both of us understood that time was of the essence. There was no way to do this right because with all the time in the world, I'd easily prefer multiple hours. So, without a word spoken between us, we resorted to our usual quickest option. Sinking to my knees, Alison reached for the bottom of my sports bra, pulling up the bottom strap to provide her preferred view. My hands trailed up her right leg, kissing the inside of her left as I attempted to still provide novelty in a routine performance. The moment my lips touched bare skin, Alison quickened her pace, speaking in her all-encompassing gravelly tone as her right hand found its way into my hair.

"I fucking love when you take control like this, Emmy." I moaned in reply as temptation continued to flow through me. My hand reaching past my waistband sent both of us fully into overdrive attempting to make up for lost time.

It was a peculiar phrase to use in the context of eternity. No time could be lost between lovers. No moment too rash or too consuming. No, in moments like these, coming back together could only build momentum, continue progress, solidify need and want and desire. Alison was all of the above. My progress. My want. My momentum. My desire. My need.


I left the bathroom with Alison still behind me as the shower continued to run in the background. Adjusting my shirt back over my head and raising my pants up to their natural height, I stopped in the full-body mirror to brush my fingers finely through my hair and bite my lips to give them a more even rouge.

Making my way downstairs, I finally found Maya outside on the loveseat reading one of her favorite fantasy romance novels as I peeked my head outside. "Just checking in!"

She sat up, patting the seat next to her as I curled into the opposite side of the furniture. "Let me tell you, Ems, if weather was this like up here year-round, I might be willing to have a conversation with Charlie to move."

I sighed. "It's not, unfortunately. From my limited experience last year, April to June and the early fall are sublime. And I guess winter wasn't too bad here this year."

"I take it you found Alison in your room."

Running my hand through the side of my hair again, I intentionally turned my face to the left away from her to smirk. "I did. She loves baths, but like – well, I don't know if this is TMI – but. She loves to soak in a bath, but then won't actually bathe herself in them because she doesn't want to be soaking in her germs afterwards? So, she bathes and then takes a shower?"

Maya laughed out loud. "I don't know about TMI, but I doubt it's information she'd want you to be openly sharing. Though I do assume if you're passing along those kinds of stories that you got off easy after lying to her about whose idea the date was earlier this week?"

"Oh, she definitely got off…" Alison's voice echoed from the backdoor as her slicked back hair from a quick rinse off in the shower flew over her left shoulder. I couldn't tell if this was real or purely in my imagination, but in her shorts and lightly see-though t-shirt, the sex appeal experienced less than a dozen minutes ago dripped off of her. She made unmistakable eye contact with me while sauntering over to the couch.

I turned toward Maya as her eyes ping-ponged back and forth between us. "Ugh. What the fuck?"

She arched her back away from us as Alison leaned in to kiss me. Her lack of shame riled me up even more before she sat in my lap, her arms draped over my shoulders. Teasingly, Alison looked up at Maya as though oblivious. "What the fuck, what?"

"I mean, I'm sitting right here?" Maya glanced over her shoulder as if being 'Punk'd'. "Am I the only one who watched Alison walk out here like sex in heels?"

"I'm barefoot…" Her voice dropped, putting on an overly thick act of innocence. "What? Did Emily tell you something?" She raised her eyebrow up at me as I shook my head.

Coughing lightly, I stared at Maya, subtly gaslighting her despite Alison and I both knowing that she was entirely on the right track. "Look, baby." I kissed her temple. "She asked if I found you upstairs, so I told her – "

"You didn't?" Alison gasped, letting a beat pass before continuing. "She told you about my baths?"

She got out the last few words with a sputter before the two of us broke out into a fit of laughter. "Y'all are so fucked up!" Maya announced over us. "Did you plan this whole charade to cover up for your sexcapades?"

Alison waved her hands in innocence. "No, no. We just came up with a backstory in case you asked, and then, I followed her lead – "

"Her lead? You're the one that started the conversation out here with the most obvious sentence fragment known in the history of man!"

"I mean, you try to resist that punchline after Maya's question?!"

I laughed into her shoulder, "You are right, but there was also your little walk –" I faked melting into the couch.

"It was your face when you saw me at the door! You looked caught instantaneously! I followed your lead, baby!"

Maya sighed, standing up from the couch. "So happy you're in love, but I'm gonna head inside. Y'all two have fun debating who blew the lid off you both getting your rocks off upstairs, but my ass is gonna be inside." She shook her head walking to the door, mumbling under her breath. "Crazy asses…"

Alison leaned closer into me as the door closed behind Maya. "Sorry, babe." She whispered, kissing just next to my lips to reiterate that she wasn't really sorry at all. "Even after you left me upstairs, I just wanted more of you."

"Same…" My voice trailed, sighing into her. "Also, two things before Jake wakes up and Carter gets home."

"What's that?"

"Your shirt is too thin for you to not be wearing a bra right now, and I must have gotten a little carried away upstairs because you've got the early signs of a love mark right on the vein going down the right side of your neck…"

"Emmy!" She jumped back, still seated on my lap. "I knew I felt it still pulsing; I thought it was just my adrenaline." I pulled my lips back into a forced smile as a silent 'I'm sorry'. "Is it really bad?"

"I've definitely given you worse, but you'll need some makeup tonight."

She placed her forehead against my own, sheepishly somehow still flirting through her question. "So somewhere between the hickey you gave me on my breast on our cabin vacation and the one you oh, so inconveniently left after going for my lips a little too hard back in November?"

I rolled my eyes, "We both know you loved that cabin vacation experience, so shh about the hickey. But yeah, I might have found you a little too tasty in January. You've gotta remember though that it was the first time I officially told you I want to marry you… it was a big night."

She brought her face directly in front of mine, keeping her lips puckered as she gently pecked repeatedly. "Oh, I will always remember. It was the biggest night, but never again, Emily."

"I make no promises." I warned, leaning back into her neck to cover her currently protruding spot with my tongue.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Alison yelped, cackling as she stood up from my lap. "You're too much! Quit!"

"Whatever. Go take care of yourself, babe."

She held up a middle finger behind her while walking to the backdoor. As her hand reached the doorknob though, Alison fully turned back to face me. She rested her body against the door jamb, leaning on her right side. As we made eye contact from afar, Alison raised her left hand, placed it against the beginning signs of the mark on her neck and winked. An indication of forgiveness despite her pleas. And in that moment, I swooned all over again.


The day felt like an eternity from upstairs in the lab. It felt even longer considering that I worked through my lunch break to end my day early, and despite setting up my phone outside of the glass to know when I was called, neither Carter nor Alison had reached out all day. They were all coming in just a few hours after I started my day in order for some minor updated labs and screenings prior to the transfusion. But it certainly should have started by now. And they certainly would've texted to tell me about it.

But as I left work a little after three to walk halfway across the hospital to the children's ward, I had no updates, no progress, no… anything. My phone calls to each of them were immediately forwarded to their voicemail box leading to even heavier footsteps on the tile floor beneath me. While stopped at the front desk to find what room Jake had been placed in, I saw a familiar red head down the hall and gave her a wave.

"Dr. Fields! Great to see you." She extended her hand as she approached.

"Feel free to call me Emily, Cameron. It's great to see you." I glanced back at the nurse who was paging to find out more specifics. "Actually, maybe you can help me? Do you know where my family is at today?"

She smiled tenderly, "I do, actually! As one of the leading nurses for this shift, I was hand-selected to be a part of Jacob's team today." Cameron turned toward to front desk to indicate that she would lead the way for me as we started walking. "You know, I wanted to thank you for replying to my emails earlier this month. You had such great insights on adaptive cell therapy and general progression in the research that it's really made me re-evaluate if I want to go back to school to join under you in the field someday."

"It's so good to hear that! As I mentioned in our first conversation, it really is a male-dominated field, especially for doctoral staff. I'm more than happy to work with you however you may need so you can make the best decision for you." I watched as Cameron's steps started to slow along a set of rooms and placed my hand on her forearm. "Before we get there, has everything gone alright today?"

Cameron turned, puzzled. "It's all been great! Exactly as we had hoped for Jacob. It's not every day that we get to be in the presence of such a formidable family in this program, but as far as I can tell, that part is going smoothly." She opened her right arm to their room: 24A.

While walking into the room, I looked over my shoulder to continue speaking to Cameron, "I mean, I know that people know my name around here, but I really don't think that Alison or Carter want any specialized –"

But I was cut off by a deeper booming voice behind me, "Dr. Fields! So happy for you to have joined all of us."

And as I turned, I realized why contact had been non-existent. While Jacob looked to be doing well as the transfusion machine was whirling to his left, Alison and Carter's faces were far paltrier. Alison attempted to plaster on a small smile at seeing me arrive, but it also included a raised eyebrow that told me to be on my best behavior. Because standing in front of both of them, steps away from me and about to bring me in for a hug, was Kenneth DiLaurentis.

I stopped in my tracks, taking one step back and holding my hand out for a shake. "Ken… What a surprise. I would typically go for the hug, but I'm just trying to limit the transmission of germs. Especially in Bug's vicinity." I smiled as sincerely as possible while walking over to Jacob. "Hi lil' J. How's your PICC line going under the pressure of the transfusion?"

His left hand reached for his upper arm, touching around the PICC line as it progressed toward his heart. "It's pwetty good. It feels just wike you said, Emlee."

"A little tight but flowy?" He nodded as I kissed his forehead. "You're doing a great job, sweetheart. And you still feel good so far?"

I felt a hand on my lower back as Alison approached. "We had a little nausea at the start of the procedure. But after we got some food in him, he's been doing great."

"Hi, beautiful." I whispered, wiping her bangs from her right eye while kissing her gently. "I forgive you for the lack of contact today."

Her hand scratched up my spine. "Sorry about that. I knew you'd understand once – "

From across the room, Ken was speaking to a nurse rather loudly as I overheard, " – and how crucial can the transmission of germs be if you're openly kissing someone moments after – "

"Please ignore him." She shrugged, pulling me to the right to speak in the corner of the room, mumbling. "I love you."

Looking over my shoulder, I rolled my eyes before turning back to her. Inhaling deeply while closing my eyes, I replied quietly, "I'm taking the high road. I'm taking the high road."

She moved her hand down my arm until our hands connected and smiled up at me, "Welcome… Car and I have been here all day."

"How'd you pull that off with Ol' Grumps over there?" I laughed, placing another kiss on her forehead.

Squeezing my hand, she glanced over at Carter before looking back over at me to whisper. "You didn't hear this from me, but he's been on his best behavior today. And after being married to him for years, I think I know why?"

Her eyebrow raised while trying to follow her. "I do not understand what you're insinuating."

"You could help actually. Did Carter spill anything about his date last week?" I shook my head, still confused. "Well, I haven't asked, but I think his mood today has been greatly improved by the red head you walked in with earlier."

My eyes soared open. "Cameron? The nurse?"

She nodded. "He's been oddly positive all morning, even when my dad sprung his presence upon us without warning. And earlier, when – what's her name? Cameron came to introduce the nurse taking over for her during her break, like ten minutes later Carter excused himself for lunch. Which is all well and good, but he brought back food for me and my dad, and like ten minutes after that, she walked in with the same cup into the nurses station attached to the room."

I giggled. "My God, Detective DiLaurentis has been on the case!"

"It's not out of left field! He said he was going on a date last week, and I mean, she's stunning. Would you be surprised?" Turning my full body around to see if she was still in the room, Alison grabbed my arm. "Em! She's not in here; keep your chill!"

I smirked back at her, teasingly, "You've just never called another girl 'stunning' around me before." Her face fell at the end of my first sentence, gripping my hand more tightly. "I didn't know you had realized how blue her eyes are or the freckles on –"

"You're such an ass! Got me worried for half a second."

Kissing her cheek, I reassured her. "I'm not blind, babe. Never worry. Feel free to tell me how beautiful anyone you notice is. None of them are taking you home tonight."

Alison shoved my shoulder to walk past me toward her father. Her feeble attempt at shutting me down. I laughed, turning back to Jacob's bed where he and Carter were speaking. We could always circle back to Alison's belief that Carter was attempting to impress Cameron by trying to hold himself together. The boys were setting up a game of Uno, shuffling to pass out their respective set of cards while simultaneously speaking.

" – too much longer, Bug. Then, based on how you react over the next few hours, we'll be right here until at least tomorrow. But like Emily said –"

"Tomowwow?" Jacob's eyes widened. "But I feel good now."

My hand wrapped around the plastic siding of his hospital bed, interjecting as Carter's eyes met mine. "J, we talked about this last night. Staying until tomorrow is required, no matter what. And like I think your dad was starting to say, we may be here for a week or more. Even though this is technically your own blood from weeks ago, your nurses and doctors have to make sure your body accepts it."

He dropped his head, "We don't know alweady?"

"Look up at me, please." I whispered, tucking my finger under his chin. "The fact that you're doing so well right now is a great sign, okay? But no, we don't know already."

My voice trailed. I couldn't wait for the day that he was older. Wait for a day where he heard the words 'we don't know already' and wanted to understand the science behind why. But instead, I had to keep all of my spiraling internal. The way my words could loop for eternity given the opportunity. I yearned to find the people in my life who could deal with me going on without an end in sight. People who could –

"What all is my blood twying to figure out?"

My breath skipped a step. A small crack in the pavement. A centimeter raised different from the rest that lurched my head back toward him. I smiled down at him, "How about you finish playing with your dad? I'm going to check in with your nurses and everything, and then, I'll come back and tell you all about your blood, okay?"

His toothy grin cemented in my mind while walking toward the nurse's door attached to the room itself. Walking past Alison and her dad speaking in hushed tones right near it, she took time with her dad on a diatribe to reach out for the tips of my fingers. They brushed briefly bearing witness to each other without words.

Squeezing her hand lightly before letting her go, I knocked on the door just next to their conversation, creating a brief echo in the space around us. A few moments later, Cameron opened the door to welcome me in, sitting down in the roller chair to turn back to the computer.

"Update time?" She smiled toward me, instantaneously clicking the results of Jake's most recent blood work and scans this morning.

"That'd be great, Cam." I sighed, pulling up the stool next to the desk. "Also, I wanted to apologize for my shortness earlier. The nurse at the desk was not helping whatsoever, so I didn't even ask how you were doing today."

"No worries! As nurses, we get used to being both overlooked and exceedingly leaned upon with not much time in between –" She paused. " – And that's, that's not what you did, Dr. Fields. I phrased that all wrong. We're just used to those being the extremes so asking for assistance and forgetting to ask, 'How are you?' is the least of our preoccupations."

I chuckled at her mini spiral. "You're totally fine, Cameron. And it's Emily, unless you'd like me to revert back to Nurse… sorry, I don't even know your last name."

"Reid. My last name is Reid, but Cameron is great. I'll work on getting Emily down, but I can't promise anything."

"Well, if we're going to be seeing each other around." Her head cocked to the left to look at me questioningly. The look made me immediately back pedal. "You know, if Jake needs more transfusions or anything like that."

She nodded, her smile returning. "I guess we'll find all that out in four to six weeks! It seems as though his body is performing exactly the way we'd want to everything so far though. Here are his numbers post-chemo last week."

Turning the computer my way, I scanned the screen for white blood cells, platelets, monocytes, and lymphocytes. All low. Exactly what we want to see for the introduction of his transfused blood that would hopefully kick his immune system into overdrive, restabilizing these numbers while also teaching his remaining blood cells how to create new blood without those astrocytes previously observed.

"Perfect. And what scans did we do this morning?"

"Dr. King ordered a perfusion, SPET, and MRI with tractography just to ensure that this new blood is getting everywhere it needs to go."

I typed what Cameron was telling me into our shared notes app in order to refer to them later on. These scans were all great choices as they specifically trace blood flow and brain neural pathways while additionally, the MRI would double check to ensure that Jake's glioma hadn't started increasing in size since January.

She tapped my arm with her elbow as she pulled up the scans. "So, as I'm sure you assumed considering the transfusion is going on as we speak, the scans are great. Glial growth is minimal to non-existent, and the portions of his glioma that we left behind have significantly shrunk since January."

I exhaled, both in relief and partial sadness. Because it was great news, it's the news we were hoping for. But it also indicated that the current astrocytes in his blood were not harmful. If they had been, then between his blood draw for the transfusion six weeks ago and now, we would see growth in the glioma, not a reduction. It's what we had anticipated considering his glial cell withdrawal prior to surgery came back non-cancerous, but there was always a chance. These results solidified that his surgery – at least at the time we did it – was not necessary. It was essential, considering that he now had a tumor far less significant near his brain stem. But it wasn't immediately necessary. It wasn't as pressing as we had made it. We hadn't known, and there was no way we could have known. But coming to terms with Jacob going through a surgery that maybe wasn't immediately needed made my heart sink. Both for his sake and for my own. Because Carter and Alison needed to know.

Cameron's tap on my shoulder sent a rush of air back into my lungs as I snapped my head back toward her. "Emily? Sorry for uh – breaking your thought, but do you happen to know why Dr. King would have considered to pursue all of this if Jacob's results in January came back as non-cancerous?"

I sighed. "A combination of things. Mostly because of who Jake's grandfather is, partially because of who I am, marginally due to the astrocytes found in his red blood cell composition, but entirely because they fucked up last June and don't want to face any of those ramifications. This transfusion or these transfusions may not be fully studied with medulloblastomas or gliomas, but they will give us far more information about the tumors in both his brain stem and spine than anything else we could try at this point. And it will give us information in a moderately non-invasive way."

She ran her hands through her hair. "Gah, I wish I understood all of this more. I can read lab results like the back of my hand and console parents and give next best steps. But when it comes to the theory and practice of it all, it's jumbled."

"It takes an extraordinary amount of time, and then, at a certain point, remembering all this stuff will come to you as easy as breathing." I stood, looking over the results on the computer screen one last time to store further into memory.

"You promise?"

My smile broke into a small laugh. "I can't promise that, Cameron. But I can promise that if you do the work, you'll end up exactly where you're supposed to be."

"Thanks, Emily."

Seconds before opening the door, I looked back over my shoulder. "And if you need anything, you can always reach out. Thanks for taking care of my family." Alison was standing outside of the door as I came out, resting against the wall. Her eyes were closed, as though just patiently waiting for me to exit. "Hi, sweetheart." I whispered, placing my left hand against her cheek.

She smiled sleepily with her eyes still shut, turning her head to kiss my palm. "Hi, babe. It's been a long day." I ushered her into my arms, wrapping my hands around her body. I felt the tension in her body go slack as she placed her hands on my hips.

"You know you can go home, Ali. Carter and I can take it from here."

"I'm not leaving here tonight without you. Going home alone tonight is not in the cards." She pulled away, leaving one hand on my chest. Her eyes were full of promise, though hesitant about what the results of today would hold.

"Okay, I understand. What is in the cards then?"

"I want us out of our heads." She smirked, twirling her finger against my upper chest. "And some of my favorite times with you revolve around cooking? Teach me a new recipe or something tonight?"

"I can do that." I kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'd love a simple night at home with you."

"It always calms me down, and I love seeing you in your element." She paused, biting her lower lip. "One more request?"

"Whatever you want, sweetie."

"Can I pick what you wear?" Her eyes fell toward the ground, shy despite her forwardness.

"What I wear?" I lightly chuckled, lifting her head up as I replied, "That's a trap if I agree. I know you."

She threw her head back laughing. "I promise. I promise. I want you in clothes." Her hands tightened around my waist, taking a step closer toward me and making her words sound more like a purr.

"Well, that's a relief… I did say 'whatever you want'. So, I'm in."

"Yay!" She cheered before kissing me lightly.

My hand stayed against her cheek before copying Alison's previous resting position against the wall. "You know I'm proud of you, right Ali?"

"Proud of me?"

I nodded. "I can tell by your eyes that you're holding in stress today. But I just walked out of the nurse's station where all the answers of today are being held, and you haven't even asked me how it went."

"Because I trust you to tell me the important things. The fact that you paused to check with me first before saying anything about whatever you just reviewed lets me know that it's not that urgent. Let's me know that you believe we're okay right now. That's enough for me."

"We are okay right now. Everything is good." I kissed her temple, intertwining our fingers. "We have all the time in the world tonight, okay, babe?"

Alison smirked sleepily, yawning before excusing herself to go grab a coffee. She walked around the room asking for small orders from everyone before heading to the cafeteria. As promised, I reapproached the side of the Jacob's bed, pulling up a small chair.

"It looks like your nearly done with the transfusion, Bug."

He tilted his head to the side, smirking just like his mother had less than five minutes before. "That's good. Is it nomal to feel sleepy, E?"

Before taking my seat, I placed my hand on his forehead: no fever. "Well, you seem to be doing alright symptom-wise, so maybe it's just been a busy day for you. You're allowed to rest if you need to, sweetheart."

His eyes closed gently, reaching his hand through the side bar of the hospital bed to hold my own. Tracing my thumb back and forth across his palm, I kissed the side of his thumb before Jacob spoke again.

"Mom?" He whispered just loud enough that Carter simultaneously snapped his head up. "Wiwle I fall asleep, you tell me what my bwood is twying to figure out?"

"From earlier? Yeah, J, I'll try to explain it well to you." Continuing to hold his hand, I started speaking. "So, with this transfusion, your blood has been changed a little bit in order for your body to heal even more since your surgery. But because it's different from the blood just in your blood stream, it has to figure out whether or not it likes the blood. It is supposed to help you feel better, but also because of how different it is, there's a chance that it will make you feel worse – at least at first." I felt his hand move in mine leading me to jump back in. "Not like cancer though, Bug. More like a flu. If anything really gross was going to happen, it would have already started. Your body is accepting the blood, but it doesn't quite know what to do with it yet. Your dad is going to stay here with you tonight, but your mom and I are going to be checking in until tomorrow when you hopefully go home. And once we're home J, things will go back to relatively normal for quite a few weeks until we come back to see how your blood is affecting the rest of your body. But you're doing such a good job so far, sweetie. We love you, and we're all so proud of you."

As I finished my explanation, I felt Carter's eyes dart toward the entry door where Alison was walking in with her coffee. He waved at me curtly before standing and intercepting her. Though confused, I looked back up at Jacob who appeared to be fully asleep or just weaning himself into sleep. Not wanting to mess up his rest during the beginning stages, I continued holding onto his hand, laying my forehead on the side rails of his hospital bed as another voice started talking across from me.

"Tell me what you think about all of this, Emily. I'm fascinated to know your experience from this side of the medical field."

It was Ken. From the way he struggled to identify the need to lower his voice due to Jacob's eyes being closed. To the inability to realize that following our last conversation close to a month ago, that he was the last person I wanted to discuss Jacob's medical history with. Hell, at this point, bring in a stranger off the street and give 'em a medical release. I'd far prefer it to the man sitting across from me.

My eyes raised with one eyebrow cocked, "I'm troubled with your use of the word fascinated. Am I supposed to feel positively about seeing him hooked up to this machine? Or to the heaviness we all have in the wake of assuring holistic care?"

Alison's father guffawed. "Maybe you feel fascinated is the wrong word, but this whole medical marvel would not be possible without my input to Dr. King."

It was and always would be about him. Even with Jake lying here. His body fighting itself to have the loudest voice. Ken wanted my experience so that he could tell me about his experience. His heavy hand. His input.

"And our family thanks you for that." I closed my eyes again to prevent them from openly rolling. "But my experience with all of this since I've met Alison is that I'd rather not have to be here at all. I'd rather Jake be happy and healthy. So, from 'this side of the medical field' – " I emphasized with air quotes. " – all that I am thinking about is when we no longer have to walk into this part of the hospital ever again. When we have a healthy little boy for the foreseeable future."

"I'm happy Ali found a positive one." He mumbled loud enough to be heard, causing my head to tilt. Noticing my change in posture, he continued. "Partner, I mean. It couldn't have been easy taking this on from the start of your relationship."

I shook my head. "Easy, no. But they're both extremely worth it."

He reached his hand up to the bottom of his chin, appearing to be perplexed by even his own next thought. "Jessica and I were talking a few days ago about the positive impact you've had on Alison this time around. Her desire to lead from a place of negativity has felt dampened, though the indiscernible glaze behind her eyes still persists." I internally scoffed interpreting her 'glaze' as direct contempt for her father. "You would think that after all we've done for the dear that she would have some more decorum when – "

"When what? You invade the personal medical space of their son without asking ahead of time? When you spend the entire time stalking around the room to gain praise and insight from any and all medical professionals that happen to walk by? When you sit down with her girlfriend and sprinkle in a flurry of insults and compliments to hopefully confuse her far enough into oblivion to slip in a touch of truth?" My voice remained cold and low as I stood. "Decorum isn't a needed reply to the palpable passive aggressive nature of all your comments since I've stepped in here. You and your family will always be thanked, and gratitude will be expressed when it comes to your dedication to Jacob receiving top of the line care. But for as long as you attempt to disparage my girlfriend when you are the one that is unable to see the magnificence just beyond the surface of her grief. This is all the decorum you'll receive here. You and Jessica are welcome to be present. But we are not tied to your energy or your expression of it." Placing a kiss on Jacob's forehead, I whispered an 'I love you, Bug' before turning back to Ken. "Thank you for organizing this space and treatment for our family. Don't worry about expressing any of your displeasure to Alison either; I can make sure word gets passed along to her."

And with that, I nodded before grabbing my purse to walk out of Jacob's room. Turning the corner though, I nearly ran straight into an exasperated Alison. Holding her coffee close to her chest, her hand fell onto my torso mid-gasp. "Oh, thank God. I was terrified you were my father."

Rolling my eyes finally, I looked over my shoulder. "No, don't worry about him. Left him stunned back there."

"Do you mind if we just… go? Carter got into one of his moods and I tried to talk to him, but I can't handle the pressure in here anymore." I watched as her mind fully processed my last sentence before she exhaled into me. "You're dealing with a mood in here too?"

"Men decided to rear their ugly heads this afternoon, for sure." I kissed her forehead. "I was getting my stuff together to leave and come tell you."

"Wait for me? I'm going to say bye to my dad and J, and then, I'll meet you by the elevators?" She looked up at me briefly, clutching the extra fabric of my shirt in her palm. "I love you."

"Love you too, baby. See you in just a second."

Wishing him the best of luck on night duty, Carter gave a half-hearted wave from the bench before asking some questions about what to expect for the evening. Alison looped back toward me less than a few minutes later and while I couldn't fully interpret the energy exchange between them, all I was certain of was that their conversation had something to do with me. Her uncharacteristic 'I love you' earlier and the way she covered the back of my hand with peck after peck after holding my hand in front of the elevators spoke volumes to me as we walked out to the lot to drive home. Though neither of us had any intention of vocalizing either of our frustrations during our respective conversations, an ease settled between us as we knew it was bound to come up at some point.


"I knew this was a trap, Alison!" I called down from upstairs, staring at myself in the full-body mirror by our bedroom door.

I heard her footsteps prance up the first few stairs before stopping to speak. "You're one-hundred percent in clothes right now, babe." As I turned to step one of my bare feet out the door, Alison interrupted. "Wait. Wait. You have three buttons undone, right?"

Rolling my eyes, I replied. "Yes, baby. Trust me. I'm looking in the mirror right now; I see your vision."

"Oh my god. So, you agree you look hot right now?"

I laughed out loud, running my hands through my newly straightened hair. "Can I come out?"

"Yes, yes, yes."

I walked out of the door to face her as she excitedly jumped back and forth on her toes. She had me in what could best be described as an outfit right out of Risky Business but set in present day. I was wearing a maroon three-quarter length sleeved oversized dress shirt that cut off part way down my thigh. Despite wearing bootie shorts underneath, I assumed the intention was for me to look like I was wearing nothing but the shirt. And as additionally requested, the shirt was unbuttoned down to just below my chest so that the lace front of my black bra showed off the statement piece above it. My long hair was straightened and laid fully behind my shoulders. In all reality, with a nice pair of black boots and maybe a decade earlier in my life, this outfit would be killer.

Pursing my lips while turning toward her, Alison swooned forward toward the top of the staircase. "Ahhh!" She squealed before seeking some composure.

"How'd I do?"

Her throat let out a small growl as she walked toward me, her hands instantaneously reaching for the sides of my thighs. "Ugh, Emmy. I knew your legs would look fabulous in this."

"Ali, this outfit is all leg. Of course, they look good."

She connected each of our hands together, pulling away to check me out head to toe. "No, no. This is other-worldly. I had a dream with you in this outfit last week in Philly, but not even dream you does this justice. Damn."

"Mmm." My voice perked up. "So, all of this is just to satisfy a dream?" Raising one of our handholds up to her neck, I curled my fingers against her throat. "You know me, I'm all about making my dreams a reality."

She groaned, turning my body against the blank wall to my right. Her left hand quickly gripped the back of my left thigh, scaling up toward my ass so that the oversized shirt bunched near her wrist. As I pulled her body against mine, Alison's lips grazed my jawline.

After an extended kiss, Alison leaned back once more. "You know, in my dream, we didn't even do anything crazy."

My thumb traced her lips, "Nothing salacious? I didn't overstep at all?"

She shook her head. "No, you're always a perfect lady. Inside and outside of my dreams. But in my dream last week, we didn't even make out against a wall."

"What'd we do then, love?"

"We made dinner, and I fed you little bites while you sat on the countertop. And then we asked each other questions in the living room before fooling around on the couch a little bit and falling asleep in each other's arms downstairs. It felt so real, and the entire time… my mind was clear. I don't know if it was the dream or this fucking amazing outfit or cooking dinner or maybe even just being with you. But no anxiety crossed my mind at all. And I –"

I finished her thought, calmly grasping her side, "You want to see if we can make that happen in real life? Forget for a little bit?"

Alison tilted her head downward, hiding her eyes before speaking, "Is that stupid of me to believe? That duplicating a dream might duplicate a feeling?"

Leaning forward, I nudged Alison's face with my own, brushing my nose against her cheekbone. "It's not stupid at all, Ali. I'm willing to try it out if you are."

"Even if there's no evidence that in my dream you felt the same? Even if your anxiety stays?"

"Regardless of if this plan works or not, babe, I'm always on your team. I'll be right here in whatever dream, whatever outfit, whatever meal. I'll be right here because it's where you are. Okay?" I rested my back on the wall Alison had pressed me up against, one leg arched forward on my toes while playing with her fingers lingering between the two of us. "First up is cooking dinner?"

Alison nodded, knowingly as she took in my figure for the umpteenth time since exiting our bedroom. "One second though…"

As her lips nearly reached my own, I mumbled, "One second? What ever could you –"

One of my hands immediately went for her neck, tracing my thumb over her still present love mark from earlier in the week as her nails etched down my exposed thigh. "I love this body." She purred, trailing one finger down my sternum as her eyes wandered down my unbuttoned shirt. As her words nearly melted me into the wall, her left palm pressed against my skin slinking underneath my shirt to pull my waist closer to her. "I love you more, but fuck, this was a great call on my part."

"I love you too, beautiful." I laughed, kissing her gently. "Let's make this dream happen?" Alison slapped my ass as I reached the stairs in front of her. I laughed out loud looking over my shoulder. "You like the view?"

"Love the view. Remind me to come up the stairs behind you later."

I turned around with a gasp at the bottom of the stairs as Alison stood a little taller than me on the set of steps. "You're impossible." I replied, holding to the side of her sweatshirt to bring her in closer to me. "By the way, you look really sexy tonight, too."

Alison looked to her right toward the mirror in the hallway by the kitchen, taking in her messy bun, my baggy UT sweatshirt over her figure, and black leggings. "Don't try and butter me up!"

I shook my head. "Butter you up? You know how one of your favorite Emily's is tomboy Emily? This is one of my favorite Alison's. You spend a lot of time getting ready for others so that they hold the image of you that you want to project. All of us do, but you don't typically cut yourself much slack. So, I love the times that you abandon that for me."

"I'm not trying to do anything right now though?" She questioned. Still unsure with my compliment.

"But that's the point! For as excellent and amazing as you always look, one of my favorite Alison's is when you're not trying at all."

Alison brought up her forefinger and thumb to pinch either side of my lips. "Quit sweettalking me tonight; I see right through you."

I puckered my lips through the small pinch, making kissy noises until she let go. "Whatever. You already said your dream didn't involve any funny business! Can I compliment my girlfriend without you thinking there's an ulterior motive behind it?"

Walking into the kitchen, I pulled out all the ingredients that I had pre-prepared when we got home from the refrigerator as Alison walked around to the other side of the island. "You can compliment your girlfriend anytime you want, but I just want you to know that I see right through you tonight."

"Fine. No more compliments for you if you're just going to think they're done for brownie points!"

"No!" She yelped, starting to loop around the edge of the kitchen. "That's not what I meant!"

I smiled facetiously, "No, I heard you perfectly, Ali." Her pout broke my heart as she wrapped her hands around me and started nipping at my neck. "You don't want to hear about how beautiful your eyes looked in the lighting upstairs. Or about how great your ass looks in those leggings or about how cute you were today with J. I'll save them."

Pulling back, her pout remained. "Don't save them. Please."

"Don't save them?"

She shook her head. "I'll miss them too much if they go."

"You want me to say them even if there's an ulterior motive?" I winked before turning away from her.

Alison grumbled, swatting my arm, "There's almost always an ulterior motive!" As she walked further away from me again though, she briefly turned pointing back at me. "But maybe, just maybe it'll pay off tonight. Don't underestimate the outfit."

"The outfit. Right, right." I rolled my eyes, knowing how often Alison was the instigator of any late-night rendezvous. "You ready for the dish I pieced together for tonight?"

"Yes, chef!" She smiled from the edge of the countertop.

"Alright. Tonight's dish – my wonderful, sexy, intelligent, mind-numbingly breathtaking, dazzl –"

"Emmy…"

"Fine, fine." I giggled. "The maybe a few seconds ago really piqued my interest. Anyways, tonight we're making a Chicken Afritada, a simple stew."

Alison walked toward me, picking up the already marinated chicken in their Ziploc bag. "I see we have chicken thighs instead of breasts again. Fat content?"

I nodded. "Fat content. I see someone is learning their Filipino cooking! Do you have an issue with the thighs or drumsticks?"

She sighed, shaking her head. "Not particularly. I just worry about accidentally sneaking a tendon or biting a bone or something without expecting it."

"I will do my best then to ensure you only get the very best, okay?" I mumbled, leaning toward her for a short kiss. "Can you drain the marinade from the chicken for us, and put white rice in the steamer? I'm going to start sautéing our aromatics."

Her eyes widened, looking at me while starting to open the plastic bag. "Aromatics? You trying to talk dirty to me?"

I cackled. "No, Ali. I'm literally cooking the garlic and onions! They're classified as aromatics!"

"I just hadn't anticipated how that outfit would impact all the other words you say to me." She grinned, looking back at the sink. After a short pause as we each kept working on our own tasks, Alison glanced back over at me. "Thank you for calming me down today, by the way."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged as I turned my shoulders back toward her, "Everything with my dad. I could tell when you walked in today that you were confused, but you stepped right in and defused the entire room by just being there. It's kind of crazy the effect you have on spaces that you never see." Adding water to the steamer, Alison walked to my side, wrapping her arms back around my waist to watch as I pushed the onions and garlic around the pot to prevent burning. "Like this sounds obvious, but you'll never quite know what a room was like before you enter it, you know? And the number of times since dating you that you walk into a space and the energy shifts in a positive direction is countless."

I didn't understand the point she was making, which maybe just further spoke to it. In the hospital especially, the rooms I walked into were typically grateful to see me. Not in a narcissistic way. I usually brought a level of expertise that provided answers which is all that anyone in a hospital really wants.

"Well, you're welcome, Ali. I don't fully understand, but if it helped, that's great." Especially considering how I may have ignited the space in the minutes before leaving for the day.

I passed the spatula her way as I spun around to reach for the chicken Alison had kept in the plastic bag after pouring out the marinade. She sighed while I slowly added the pieces around the pot. "I don't know what to do or how to even address it because he just showed up. Didn't even text me ahead of time. And you heard him, the whole time he was talking to nurses and muttering under his breath. He kept repeating something about how he couldn't miss the first…"

"Adolescent medulloblastoma adaptive cell therapy transfusion at Johns Hopkins."

"Yeah, that. Sure, we got great care today with him being there, but it's just obvious that he doesn't respect the job we're doing as J's parents."

I kissed her temple before washing my hands thoroughly, speaking over the running water, "It's not like I had anticipated him being there today, babe. But as soon as I saw him, it made perfect sense. He loves a good photo-op esque appearance. He relatively stayed out of the way aside from constantly speaking to everyone who came into the room to check on Jake, but he also could've been worse."

"None of us appreciate his presence though, and I don't know how to deal with it."

Approaching Alison from behind, I placed my right arm around her waist before taking the spatula back to flip the chicken to further sauté. "Are you looking for advice right now or do you want to just vent, sweetie?"

Her hands came up to my forearm, sinking into me as we tilted back and forth in front of the pot. "Just venting for now. It's one of those problems that I know is bound to come up. So, while we don't need a plan right this minute, I'd like a plan before it happens again."

"Well, what's most important is that Jake is doing well tonight so far from Carter's report."

Spinning out from my hold, Alison flitted to the fridge to pull out a chilled bottle of Chardonnay. "Minus the fever."

"Can you pour me a glass and then come back to watch the next steps, babe?"

"Yes, chef." She winked, hurrying her pace to pull two stemless wine glasses for us. "Ready when you are." Alison smiled up at me, taking a small sip before leaning toward the pot.

"You're too fucking cute." She giggled as I continued. "Pretty easy so far. Steam rice. Marinate chicken. Cook aromatics. Add chicken. And now we add fish sauce, tomato sauce, and water one by one and stir. This helps thicken it up and bring everything together, alright?" She nodded, lifting my wine glass to my mouth to take a sip. "Thank you, baby. I wanted to talk to you about Jake's fever though. Carter and I discussed it in the hallway while you were wrapping up in the room tonight. But in some ways, we want there to be a fever."

I allowed my voice to trail having found that when introducing new information to Alison that she always did better when given time for the first sentence to sink in. She did not want to be bombarded by facts or figures; she wanted time. I glanced to my right as she pushed our wine glasses against the backsplash before hopping up on the counter to rest her head against a cabinet.

"Why would we want him to run a fever?"

"One second." I paused, giving the mixture a final stir before reducing the heat and covering the pot. Setting down the spatula on the rest, I stepped to my right in between her thighs, placing my left hand on her leg where she instantaneously connected our fingers. "Until I knew it was possible, I wanted to leave this part of CAR-T therapy out of it. But now that he has a fever, it seems likely…"

"… what seems likely?"

"So, with this type of immunotherapy, we are rushing Jake's immune system with really healthy blood and cells, which sometimes can cause something called cytokine release syndrome. In fact, recent studies show that at least 38 percent of all CAR-T therapy recipients experience it."

"But he's okay?"

I nodded, kissing her hand, "He is, Ali. Essentially, these new cells are creating an overwhelming immune response to whatever potentially cancerous cells are in his body, and it leads to something similar to a flu. With him being in the hospital, at the first sight of fever, they would have started him on a medication that should bite it in the butt. He could experience chills, a rash, trouble breathing, fatigue, low blood –"

"And you didn't think you should tell me about this?"

I averted eye contact as she let go over my hand. "It's not fatal, and there was a chance it wouldn't happen. So, Carter and I both decided to address it if it came up…" Reconnecting our eyes, I reached for the bottom of her hoodie. "Hear me out; I'm fully debriefing you now. We just discussed being positive in public, right? I'm telling you honestly the first moment it felt appropriate, okay?" She crossed her arms but remained in place. "He may have symptoms for 3-10 days, but research also shows that such a strong reaction like CRS is actually the best sign of optimal results. It means the blood is working and for Jake, it's working within a matter of hours. It's manageable, and he's under the best care right now."

"You want me to be happy about him being sick, Emmy?"

"Not happy, babe. But it is a good sign."

"And you're not worried about it?" She pouted, tilting her head up to me.

"I'm not, Ali." I brushed her hair behind her ear, kissing her nose. "We can't control all of the variables but absent of any disorientation or further speech delay or seizure, I'd take this."

She sighed, obviously frustrated at our decision, "Why didn't you tell me this at the hospital?"

I smirked, scratching my fingers down her leggings. "Would you have left his side tonight?"

"Good point." We both laughed before her fingers reached for mine once more. "Can you explain it to me again then, Em? I need to get better with surprising news like this without shutting down or pushing it out. At least, that's what my therapist says. Increasing exposure or something?"

"Of course, babe." I whispered, reaching to the left to set a 15-minute timer before wrapping one hand around her back. "To the couch?"

"What are you doing?"

I looked up at her endearingly, "I'm carrying you…"

"Eh! Eh! Eh!" She interrupted, tucking her ankles around my waist. "Our wine!"

I sighed, spinning my back toward the counter. "Help me out then."

She giggled, looking over my shoulder. "Squat a bit. Yeah, yeah. No, left. My left, baby. Toward the counter. Ooh, ooh! Yes, perfect." Alison directed me until she grasped the wine bottle and two barely filled glasses in each of her hands. "We're good, Emmy."

Squeezing her ass, I started walking back toward the couch, crouching down gently to rest her on the cushion. I paused hovering over her to allow for her to spread her arms filled with glass away from me before standing.

"We have 15 minutes?" Alison asked before resting the glasses and wine bottle on the coffee table. I nodded in reply. "Come here, then." She muttered, tracing her finger against my bare upper thigh. Her hand moved to hold mine while leading me to straddle her lap. Her palms cascaded down my waist, over my hips, and down my legs as I settled against her, toying with the ties on her hoodie. "Have I told you how sexy you are?"

I giggled, tossing the aglet toward her jawline in jest, "In the nearly nothing you set me up with wearing tonight?"

She shook her head bringing her lips against the fabric against my torso. "Nuh-uh. Always." Her whisper brought my eyes down to her, my thumb brushing against her cheek.

"Thank you, Ali. You do make sure that is known though." Her smirk sent my heart soaring before leaning against the back of the couch. "Can I reexplain CRS for you?"

Her hands fell to her side, defeated. "Not really. I mean, I understand what you're saying."

"Okay… And did I bring this up correctly? Positive in public, honest in private?"

Alison tapped next to her head as she started barely turning underneath me, allowing me to follow her cue and readjust next to her with my legs still tangled in hers. "I just wish I knew it was a possibility." Her fingers reached for my outstretched palm.

"Yeah?" I tilted my head to match hers. "My difficulty in that, babe, is that CRS is just one of dozens of potentialities of this transfusion. I told you and Carter three of them. Would you like for me to explain more next time? Or order them by percentage, as I guess CRS would've met the top 3 criteria if I had done it that – "

"Don't belittle what I'm saying, Em!" She started removing her legs from our overlapping position.

"Alison, I'm not." I held up my hands. "I'm being serious. What do you need? Because I can't feasibly tell you every potentiality for the procedures Jake has over the coming years. But, if me telling you the best case, worst case, and most likely scenario isn't good enough, and you need the nitty-gritty, you have to tell me that too. That's all I'm asking."

Her sigh spoke volumes. A carried weight released into the air. "You have to get where I'm coming from. Last time around, I refused to even pay attention to all of it. Carter did all of this. He dealt with the illnesses and difficulties. Now, I want to know. But it feels like every time I open myself up to the pain of what could be, something else entirely happens. I want to be certain." I nodded, understanding the vulnerability in her words. "I guess I understand best and worst in each scenario, you know? Remission or …" My fingers clinched in hers, not wanting to remotely acknowledge the end of her sentence. "But the chance of either of those are slim, so with just me and you, tell me the Google search."

"The Google search?"

She toyed with tips of my fingers, touching and flicking each of the ends delicately to watch their ebb and flow. "Do you have your phone on you? Mine is in the kitchen." I reached around to my back pocket. "Google my question. Something like 'what are the most common results of –" Alison's baby blues looked up at me knowingly. She knew the words but would forever hate saying them aloud.

"CAR-T cell therapy."

"Yes. That." She flinched hearing it aloud again before looking back at our hands. "What does it say?"

My voice shook briefly. "I mean, I get what you're saying, Ali. But I wouldn't necessarily trust any of these sources on face value when I have access to leading journals and peer reviews."

"Listen to me when I say this, Emily." Her voice was stern. "I don't need your level of understanding. I'm not looking for the best information on the planet. I'm looking for information that comes from you. Your words. Your voice. Your confidence." She paused, attempting to resettle the quiver in the voice. "I'm willing to learn all of this because you're the one giving it to me. So, the source doesn't matter to me because as far as I'm concerned, you're the only source that matters. Okay?"

Leaning gently across our handhold, I kissed the left side of her mouth delicately, strumming my thumb over hers beneath us. "Thank you for telling me." I whispered before fully kissing her.

For as vocal as Alison could be, there were moments of nuance in our conversations that allowed me to further see how much of her intention was still buried. From her first marriage to the relationship with her parents to anything in between, Alison's vulnerability and complete honesty had never been cultivated. I had to continue granting her that permission until she realized the door for her utmost honesty was always open.

Pulling away from our embrace, I extended my left arm around Alison's shoulder, tucking her into me before glancing back at my phone. "Okay, here's MD Anderson: '6 things we've learned about CAR-T cell therapy." I scanned the article briefly before turning back to her. "Okay, CRS is right underneath the first lesson. It talks about how Cytokine Release Syndrome, or CRS, is one of the most frequent side effects and occurs when the immune system responds more aggressively than it should. It mentions some of the symptoms, of which J only has the fever and fatigue, but then states that the drug that's already been given to him, reverses the cases quickly."

"Anything else that still might happen?"

"No, sweetheart. It only talks about how the science is newer, still improving, and may require more than one treatment overtime even following full remission."

"I knew those things…"

I kissed the side of her head. "We knew those things. I'm sorry for not looking something like this up. I've been so focused on y'all understanding procedure and Jake feeling comfortable that I have never asked you what information you needed."

"You're right though. I have to tell you." She curved herself into my side, tucking into my chest. "Sorry for thinking you were belittling me earlier. It's been rare in my life that I've had someone take me at face value, you know? I thought you were being sarcastic."

I snuck my fingers through the neckline of her hair, subtly scratching her scalp as her lips lingered across my neck and clavicle. "Even though a lot of our teasing does rely on sarcasm, I would never take your desire to know more as something to belittle. It makes me so proud to see you slowly but surely becoming more comfortable with all of this. It would be so easy for you to follow in your previous footsteps, but you deserve to know this information. To give yourself permission to process all of this in real time. Especially in a lower stakes scenario. But Ali? I'm always here to tailor the message. If you need something different. Something less, something more. You have to tell me, but I'll make it happen. I don't want to overload you or spring something like this on you if it's preventable."

"I know – " I could feel her lips smiling against my throat. "I'll keep getting better, Emmy."

"It's not about getting better. You don't have to be perfect – "

Her voice droned. " – to be amazing." We both giggled at her reply as Alison brought her hands up closer to my chest as she further curled into herself. "Why is all of this so hard? Like communication and vulnerability?"

Continuing to scratch her neck, I sighed delicately, "It's only hard because we care about each other. It's hard because we're actively working on it, Ali. It's hard because we're dedicated to making our relationship as great as we can make it."

"I love you." She mumbled as the alarm in the kitchen started to go off. Alison's groan and proceeding removal of herself from me made me laugh yet also regret getting into a personal conversation while knowing our time was limited. I wanted nothing more than to stay there with her.

"You ready to finish up, sweetheart?" I extended my hand behind me as I stood. Her fingers connected with mine forcefully, pulling herself forward while sending me backward into her figure.

Catching me gently, her hands spread across my waist, readjusting herself before standing on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. "Can we start the question game part of my dream early?"

I rotated in her arms, bringing my hands to the side of her face. "We can do absolutely anything you want, baby."

"Okay…" She whispered with a devilish smirk, spinning me back around toward the kitchen. "Walk away from me again, first."

Her mouth agape as I glanced over my shoulder to watch her watch me enticed me to stop in the doorway of the kitchen. Resting my hands against the wall, I lightly arched my back to pop my ass. Alison feigned excitement, waving herself with her hand before jogging toward me. Her light swat sent my yelp through the kitchen.

Immediately reaching for the pot to remove the stew from heat, Alison watched me intently as I gathered the remaining peas, carrots, potatoes, and peppers to add to the recipe. After a few minutes of chopping in silence, I turned hesitantly to look at her. "Everything okay?"

She nodded. "I'm just trying to figure out how to ask my first question. Do we have to answer every question we ask, too?"

"It feels like an easy way to hold each other accountable to not ask anything outside of our own personal comfortability." I shrugged, cleaning off the sides of my knife between dices.

"Alright. When you think about your day-to-day life, do I make you happy?"

My lips scrunched toward my nose while setting down the knife to turn to Alison. "I'm sorry?"

Taking a step forward, she repeated herself, "Do I make you happy? Or like, does this life make you happy?"

I reached forward with my right hand, pressing my thumb against her forehead to brush back and forth. "What is swarming in this head of yours?"

"You have to answer my question first." She paused.

It crossed my mind for the first time that Alison was being serious. This wasn't simply an inquiry. This was a yearning, palpitating desire. I had to take a second to process it all, not wanting to reply too quickly and come off callous or insincere. But I watched as Alison's eyes etched every centimeter of my face, connecting our hands between us. She wasn't pleading for me to answer positively. She was seeking confirmation and connection. Connection that I believed our moments together contained. But in her upbringing and her experience with love, she had been taught that quality time alone didn't guarantee happiness. Didn't mean that maybe something was missing.

I inhaled, wanting my words to come out succinctly but intentionally. "Alison, living this life with you makes me happier than I have ever been in my life. Spending time with you still gives me butterflies. Holding you close to me still makes my palms sweat. Looking into your eyes steadies my heart. I am beyond happy, sweetheart."

Her eyes closed, tucking her chin against her chest as she nuzzled against my palm still on her face. "I don't know why I needed to hear that… I always feel it. I just – "

"You don't have to explain. It was on your mind." I kissed her briefly before turning back to rest of the chopping.

"I also asked because moments like this between us: cooking, standing and talking in the kitchen, just us. All of those moments make me the happiest. They're the brightest spots of our relationship for me. Your reassurance just confirms I'm not crazy."

"You're not crazy at all, Ali."

"Good."

A second passed. "So, you're happy too then?"

"Yeah, Emmy. Insanely happy being with you and our life."

"Good." I thought back on her question while adding the final veggies to the pan. Placing it back on the heat to simmer, I turned against the counter. "My question. What could I do that would make you feel closer to me?"

I watched her eyes smile across from me as she looked around the room. She so delicately held our memories in her mind's eye. After a brief pause, she spoke. "On mornings when I'm still kind of asleep or fully asleep and you're headed to work? I'd feel closer to you if instead of just sending an 'I love you' or 'See you tonight' text, if you'd actually kiss me goodbye every morning. Even if I push you away or seem to not notice."

I bit the side of my lip, not knowing how important a moment like that might be for her each day. "Just that?"

She nodded in confirmation. "Just that. I think it'd make each of us feel more protected walking through the rest of the day."

"I can easily make that happen. For me? I know that it gets exhausting reminding me of shit I forgot to do around the house every night when I get home, and a lot of times, I get frustrated at even being reminded because my brain should've remembered. In all of the stress of work though, I often forget the little things, which are big things to you. So instead of bringing it up every night, could we maybe leave a notepad on the fridge so you can write them down? Then you'd only have to remind me to look at the fridge, not specify every single thing in detail."

"Reminding you doesn't annoy me, Em."

"That may be true, but to me it's just a signal of everything I didn't do well. Or a list of things I wasn't 'good' at during the day."

"Awh, baby. I didn't know that."

"It's not a big deal. It adds distance between us for me though because I feel like I've disappointed you, even though you've never shared that."

"Because I'm not disappointed at you at all. You are allowed to forget and need reminders. You're allowed to be too tired to hang up your clothes on a Tuesday and do it a few days later. But writing them down is an easy switch."

"Perfect." I smiled, pulling Alison by the hips into me. "What does it say about us that the things that would make us feel closer to each other are action steps instead?"

Her eyes glanced up at me from where her finger was lingering along my collarbone. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know… I'm like trying to think about past relationships and what my answer might have been. And it's stuff like not raising your voice during arguments, or assuming that I'm acting with good intentions on our relationship's behalf, or not using past mistakes against me, or saying that my complaints aren't valid and are just a reflection of my OCD, not a real issue." I sighed. "But – but neither of us wanted the other to stop doing something. We wanted an action; something miniscule but easy to add that in a few brief moments would make the other feel fulfilled. I just don't know what that says. That's all."

Alison reached up to my eyebrow, flattening it with her thumb. "You're eye flared again on me, babe. We can't have that." Her eyes fluttered to my lips bringing me in for a short kiss behind her hum. "And it says that we're healthy. That we're talking about the big things. That we trust each other with the big things."

"You think?"

"I know." She paused, looking over my shoulder, "Your timer is about to go off. So quick break on questions while we get our plates ready." Walking to the left, Alison opened the cabinet next to the oven to pull out two of our nicer plates. "It all smells great. Also, I know I said no questions, but it slipped my mind until earlier. Your cover shoot and interview are next Thursday and Friday, right?"

I nodded, smiling over to her. "Yeah, in a factory just out of town owned by the paper. What triggered your memory?"

"Anna from the Sun sent questions over to me via email today."

My voice raised in curiosity while passing her the serving spoon for the rice. "So, you are doing it?"

"I told her to at least send over the questions. The more that I was thinking about it, my dad and our family is bound to come up, and I'd rather have at least a little control over the narrative as well. I think it will take some of the pressure off of you. Like there's an explicit question about Jake from when I was skimming them earlier, and I don't want you on the spot in the interview trying to splice something together. So, I'm going to be very clear and direct with her but also try to answer her questions as best as I can."

"Okay." I leaned over to kiss her temple as we both finished loading up our plates.

"Just okay?"

Shrugging after setting my plate down, I headed through the dining room to grab our wine and glasses once more. "Yeah? I'm happy you've decided to participate!"

"Then rewind for me, what about what I said did you not like?" Alison sat directly next to me, sitting down and pouring us each more wine. "The fact that Anna even asked about Jake?"

"No, Ali. I didn't like the use of the phrase 'control of the narrative'." I connected our hands. "I understand it in context, but I don't like the fact that you feel that there's a narrative that even needs to be controlled, you know? It feels like something your dad would say."

"I get that…" Her thumb continued brushing my hand as she stared off in the distance briefly. "You are comfortable with me answering how I see fit?"

I nodded, picking up my fork to eat. "I am 100 percent comfortable."

"Would you like to go through my answers with me before I send this off?"

"Only if you're okay with that. I think I should at least know the basics, but I want to be on the same page. Same narrative and such."

"Shh…" She muttered, hitting my upper arm with the back of her hand. "I love you, Emmy. In no way, shape, or form, would I put this interview in harm's way to 'control a narrative', I guess. I don't even know why I said those words, alright? I'll clear every word I send to her through you."

"Okay."

And this time she accepted it. "Okay."


" – like I said, this girl is one of the first that I ever admitted to myself that I found attractive. So, we're both standing over the drinks at this party, and you know those brief moments before you talk to someone that can be kind of awkward?"

"Yeah…" I sat across from Alison with my legs pulled into my chest already internally cringing for wherever this story was heading. Following dinner, I add successfully bargained putting on tight pants to get me warmer in exchange for taking off my bra. Win-Win. But as the question game had continued, Alison was minutes deep into the answer to her own question: 'What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever said to someone you were attracted to?'

"Well, this was an extended pause while each of us poured our own drinks. Maybe we said a brief 'Hi', but I don't know how much more I can say that I had never introduced myself to this girl before." She exhaled, rolling her eyes. "But like 20 minutes earlier, I had put my name down on the list for beer pong teams. It had been my mission to try and convince this girl to play with me. But I was stun locked, Emmy. Zero game whatsoever."

"To be fair, it sounds really fucking adorable, Ali."

"Maybe me being silent was! But then one of the frat bros shouts from the living room, 'Alison, you're up!' and – and my reply to let them know I was head that way was to look right in this girl's face and just loudly say her name. Like I was fucking calling 'dibs'."

I threw my head back laughing as Alison swatted me. "Tell me. Tell me. What's her name?"

"Haley. But I just shouted it like a stadium announcer."

"No!" I moved my hands around wildly while maniacally laughing. "How loud was it? Like a scream? Do it for me, once?"

"Em –"

"Please!"

"Ugh, fine." She paused, taking a breath before announcing the name Haley with wide eyes and exasperated hands. My closest comparison was the mother in Home Alone whisper shouting 'Kevin!' on the plane. It was so funny that it broke me. This story had broken me.

"And you two had never formally met? You should not have known her name?"

She covered her hand with her mouth, shaking her head back and forth. "Emmy!" She squealed while I continued to laugh. "You're supposed to make me feel better!"

"About you shouting a stranger's name that you should not know as a response to you being called for beer pong?" I leaned forward, holding her hand. "I have to process this travesty first!"

"Ugh!" She protested, throwing her left hand up. "Look, it threw meeting her completely out of whack, but she did play beer pong with me!"

I continued giggling while looking back up at her. "Intriguing… And were you right? Gay?"

Alison smiled, biting her bottom lip. "Gay…"

"No fucking way! You lucky girl!" I was now captivated as how her abject clumsiness and awkward disposition had someone worked out in her favor. "So, you somehow got this girl to hook up with you?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. Haley was not interested in me in the slightest." Alison fell to her right against the back of the couch, silently reveling in the joy I was experiencing in the wake of her embarrassment.

My once captivation had now dissolved back in a laughing fit. "This has to be where we stop for night, baby. Nothing I could ever dream of asking would get this outcome. You were just a baby queer trying her best, and somehow, succeeded kinda?"

"It felt like the biggest of defeats at first, but I only am willing to openly tell the story because it turned out pretty okay." Alison's smile grew bigger as we held hands. "I'm happy you enjoyed that one."

"Enjoyed?" I groaned. "That story alone will sustain my happiness for the next week. It's so perfect because I can truly see it happening to you now."

"Rude!" She stuck out her tongue before making a 'come here' sign with her forefinger.

Beaming while shuffling my way above her on the other side of the couch, I continued speaking, "Don't get mad at me for speaking the truth, sweetie. You've always been a little shy. In the cutest way, but I can see it so clearly that it makes me want to have known you even then."

She shook her head, bringing me in to lay against her chest. "No way. You might not have liked that Alison as much. Right now Alison is exactly who you were meant to meet."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would've given anything though to have been a fly on the wall as you shouted a stranger's name across a party while she stood right next to you." I laughed again. "It's just so good!"

Alison's hand swirled on my lower back as her voice dropped. "Thank you for humoring me tonight. With the outfit and cooking and answering silly questions."

"Anytime, baby." I tilted my head toward her neck, gently kissing the mark I had made earlier in the week. "And how'd we do? Did we rival your dream? Duplicate the feeling?"

"Better." She paused, meeting my eyes. "We exceeded it."

I savored every second with her as her lips captured mine. Her hand didn't hesitate to drop toward my ass, squeezing my hips and sides while slowly becoming more forceful with her kiss. Propping myself up with a hand just next to her chest, I gleefully gazed upon her as she cupped my face to continue. We immediately fought for subtle control through our movements and cadence. It was playful tug of war that I was more than happy to eventually surrender to.

Even during times of uncertainty, our certainty was constantly reiterated. It was a stability I had never craved before. An exhale in coming home that I was never able to previously rely. She made me believe in a future of tomorrows. A continuing promise breathed into one another at every possible turn.

But even as we got lost in each other in the front room of our home, I had to take a second to stop her. "I have to be perfectly honest, Ali. If we end up going far enough tonight, I'm fully screaming the name Haley instea – …"

"Emmy!" She shrieked, wrapping her arms around my waist and hugging me back and forth on the couch.

"In remembrance!" I cackled, kissing her upper chest repeatedly. "It only feels right."

Kissing the top of my head, I met her eyes one more time. "You're so childish!"

"You love me though."

She blushed in acknowledgment. "I love the hell out of you."

And as we continued our embrace, the last few words out of my lips were those permanently on each of ours'.

A whispered, 'Nothing attached'.


A/N: And there we are! Another fluff-forward chapter with quite a few little threads being weaved for the chapters to come! Next time, Emily's interview and photo shoot combined with Jake rounding out his transfusion. I'm unsure how long it will take me as my inflammation, fatigue, and brain fog can still be quite severe from time to time. But on days when this chapter seemed difficult to write, I wrote dialogue and momentum for stuff that won't occur in the story until easily October and into the next year (and they're only in late March/early April). So, we're still chugging along. Just at a space that is appropriate for my brain. Thank you for your patience and continued support.

Also, for any of the people who have started this story over the past few months and have binge-read hundreds of thousands of words, thanks to you. Your words of encouragement and feedback have brought smiles to my face on some of the worst of days.

I appreciate you all tremendously.

See you next time.

- secretpen28