Chapter 10

Screams echoed down the halls. He ran hard, his heart racing, lungs burning, but he was determined to get there. The screams grew louder, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not find the source. It drove him insane. He knew she needed him, needed help, but he couldn't find her. He had already been too late for Yinsen. He was not going to let that happen again, not to her.

Another yell tore through the air, this time closer, mere feet away. He saw the entrance, the shadows within fighting. He forced his tired legs to carry him further. He would not let it happen again.

He entered swiftly, saw the face of the attacker. Raza. He had her in a vice like grip, a knife to her throat. "Tony!" she cried, tears falling in streams down her face.

"You are too late, Stark. You cannot save her," he taunted, edging the knife across her skin, small drops of blood trailing down her neck.

"Let her go, Raza! I'm the one you want. Leave her alone," Tony demanded.

"No," he answered, a sick smile playing across his face.

"Tony!"

"Raza, I swear, if you don't let her go, I will kill you. Do you hear me? Nothing you do, no place you hide will keep you safe from me," Tony growled.

"Very well, Stark. I shall release her," he said, the blade moving from her neck. In an instant, before either of them could do anything, Raza drove his blade through her back, blood staining her shirt a dark crimson.

"No!" Tony exclaimed, rushing to her crumpled form. "JC, stay with me, please," he pleaded as she stared up in horror at him. She took several final gasps before her eyes went dull and cold, her body fell completely limp in his arms.

He gritted his teeth, closed his eyes to fight back the tears, the anger he felt, as he hugged her against him. He had let it happen. He had let her die. With a loud roar, he yelled, "No!"

"Death is her only release from you," Raza taunted, standing over him. Tony looked up at him in time to see the knife hurtling toward him. He raised his arm in defense, but it was useless. The knife cut through him eliciting a blood curdling scream.


Tony awoke with a start, cold sweat covering his body. His heart was pounding in his chest, his breathing ragged. His eyes darted around trying to be sure of his surroundings before slowly allowing himself to relax. It was just a dream, a horrible nightmare. He was still in his own home, in his own bed, safe and sound. There was no cave, no death, but most importantly, no Raza.

He raked a hand through his hair before shaking his head, as if that would somehow dispel the awful dream from his memory. With a somewhat renewed peace of mind, he lay back down, eager to return to a more peaceful, restful sleep when a scream, this time a real one, echoed through his home. He shot up from his bed, tripping of tangled sheets and darted to JC's room hoping not to relive the nightmare of mere moments ago.

He threw open the door to see JC thrashing about yelling, "No! He's dead! I killed him!"

"JC," he called to her, rushing to her bedside. She did not answer him. Her thrashing ceased and she curled herself into a fetal position, quiet sobs now wracking her body.

"JC," he said more softly as he sat on the bed next to her. He heard her mumbling something into her pillow, but couldn't make any of it out. He leaned in closer, touched a hand to her shoulder, and in an instant, she had her face buried in his shirt, folds of the fabric clutched in her hands.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" she sobbed.

"JC, it's okay. It wasn't real. Whatever you saw, it wasn't real. It was just a dream," he said soothingly, wrapping an arm around her, rubbing her back.

"No," she whimpered. "It was real. I killed him. I killed him."

"Shh," he whispered, hugging her tightly, continuing to rub her back. She had to have been dreaming of Yinsen. She had watched him die. There was nothing she could have done to save him, but she still blamed herself. "It wasn't your fault. It was mine," he choked out as he felt tears forming, but he held them back. He had to be strong right now for her. He would weep later, if need be.

She continued to sob into his chest, gripping his shirt even tighter, moving closer to him.

"He's dead," she sobbed.

He continued to comfort her, propping himself against the head board not knowing how long it would take to calm her enough to speak to her coherently.

Nearly half an hour passed before her tears quelled and her breathing evened out, signaling she had fallen back asleep. Realizing it was useless to get an explanation right then, Tony decided to wait until morning to talk with her.

As he tried to inch his way carefully off the bed so as not to wake her, JC held tight, whimpering that the thing she had been holding on to was trying to leave.

Seeing no harm in staying for a few more minutes so she could go into a deep sleep, Tony moved back to her and wrapped an arm around her to ease his own comfort. He pushed aside several strands of hair that had fallen over her face during her fit. Her eyes were probably red and her cheeks tear stained, but all he saw in the dim light was the calm, peaceful face of an angel.

"Face of an angel on the outside, a broken warrior on the inside," he mused aloud. "I'm so sorry, JC. I did this to you. This is my fault."

He looked to the clock, its red numbers flashing 2:30, and laid his head against the headboard to rest his eyes for what seemed a few minutes.


He opened his eyes again, the sun already shining through the window. He glanced over to the clock a bit dazed. Why was the sun up? It had only been a few minutes, hadn't it? The digits flashed 8:30, and he didn't pay it any mind until he found himself on the floor. That was about the time he realized he wasn't supposed to still be here at that time.

He groaned as he recalled receiving a sound punch to his abdomen before being forcibly kicked from the bed. "What the hell was that for?" he questioned as he sat up.

"What the hell was it for? What the hell were you doing in my bed?" an angry JC demanded.

"What? You don't remember?" Tony said, still taken aback by her action.

"What are you talking about? I never asked you to come in here, and I certainly did not tell you to sleep in my bed! I thought I could trust you. Apparently I can't," she fumed and stormed out of the room.

"JC, wait," Tony called after her, stumbling to get off the floor.

"No, Tony. I thought you changed, but obviously, you haven't. How could you do this to me?" she demanded, turning on him.

"Wait just a second, I didn't-"

"Didn't what?" she cut off, continuing down the stairs. "Didn't mean to stay all night or didn't mean to get caught? Honestly, Tony, grow up and admit to what you did!"

"You don't understand. I wasn't trying to-"

"Bullshit, Tony. I know what you were trying to do. You tried it before in Japan, and you're trying it again now. I'm not sticking around to give you another chance. I quit."

Knowing that he was getting nowhere by staying passive, Tony tried something more aggressive to get her attention. He grabbed her by the wrist and held it tight.

"Will you listen for one second and let me explain," he said more forcefully.

"Let go of me, Tony, or I swear I will start breaking limbs," she threatened.

"No. You're going to hear what I have to say for once."

"I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses," she said and attempted to jerk her wrist from his grip.

He held tight, refusing to give in to her. For once, he knew he was right, and he was not going to let her scold him again.

"I'm not letting you go. Not until you listen."

She narrowed her eyes and attempted to kick him. He reacted and blocked it with his free arm. She attempted to punch him but he sidestepped her and grabbed her wrist. Thinking on his feet, he turned her around and pinned her to the nearest wall, her back to his chest, refusing to give her another opportunity to attack him.

"Since you're stuck here for a moment, you're going to listen to what I have to say," he said as she struggled against him. "I did nothing last night."

"Let me go, To-"

"I'm not finished," he snapped. "You were screaming. I went to see what was wrong."

"Tony, I-"

"Let me finish," he demanded again. He was not going to let her stop him. "I tried to see what was wrong, and you grabbed me. I didn't go in there with any intention of staying, but you wouldn't let me go. I tried to leave, but you wouldn't let me. I took everything you ever said about me in the past because you were right, and I needed it, but not this time. I did nothing wrong!"

"Tony!" she snapped, a desperation in her voice he hadn't heard before. In that moment he realized she was quivering beneath his grip, fearfully, involuntary. He quickly released her realizing he may have gone too far in restraining her, but there was no other way to make her listen.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe it's better if you left. I never should have asked you here," he said more coldly than he intended. "I'm tired of trying to convince you I've changed. It's obvious that you'll never believe me. I won't bother wasting my time anymore," he huffed and strode down to the garage, hoping to find some sort of distraction.


She stood dazedly where he had left her. When he was finally gone, she let herself crumple to the floor. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Her mind had gone blank except for one thought, the thought that took her to that singularly dark part of her mind that she couldn't escape. When she finally regained control of her senses, the first thing she thought of was that it had to be a lie. This was Tony Stark. He had been trying to bed her since the first time they met. That was his real reason for asking her to stay.

Even as she tried to convince herself of that, she couldn't help but think back to the moment when she actually looked at him this morning. It wasn't the look of a man that had been trying to get lucky. Honestly, he had looked like hell, dark circles under his eyes and a weariness in his body that only came from a bad night's sleep. That could have arguably been because he had slept in a sitting position all night, but something in her gut knew that wasn't the only factor.

She didn't want to keep guessing. She knew Tony's house was equipped with a top notch surveillance system. It was there she would find the truth. Pulling herself together, she turned to the panoramic window of the living room that she knew was equipped with computer access.

"Jarvis, pull up security feed from last night starting at 12:45 am," she ordered the A.I. That was the last time she could recall being awake, and he hadn't been in her room before then.

The screen in front of her came to life showing every view of the inside and outside of the house. "Narrow down the feed to just the second floor, focus on any cameras of the master and guest rooms," she ordered.

The images shifted until there were only four views: two views of the inside of the master bedroom, one of the hallway, and one of the guest room that was fixed at the door. The last view would only be useful if the guest room door was open. Pepper had probably insisted there be no cameras in that room for her own privacy.

"Play it forward at double speed," she ordered, focusing her gaze on the master room camera which showed Tony already in bed. The video fast forwarded revealing Tony tossing and turning most of the night until just before 2:00am when he suddenly bolted upright.

"Stop video," she ordered. "Reverse to 1:55 and play back only Master 1."

Jarvis did as told and rewound the video before starting up one of the master room cameras. Tony was tossing about violently in his sleep at first only muttering nonsensical words, but by the 1:57 mark, his words were becoming more intelligible.

"No…Don't touch her…Let her go…JC…No…Raza…"

Her stomach churned at the mention of Raza. Her comforting thought was that he had to be dead and buried in those caves where they had left him. JC continued watching as Tony seemed to become more agitated, twisting himself up in his sheets as he continued to mutter.

"No…JC…stay with me…No…No!" He started screaming and bolted upright, a hand clawing at his throat as if he could still feel whatever it was that had attacked him. She continued to watch as his gaze darted around the room in an effort to differentiate reality from nightmare.

She pinched the bridge of her nose feeling like a moron for not even considering what Tony might have been going through. He had never said he was having nightmares. She thought it was an odd thing, but he had hidden it so well and never spoke about anything related to what happened to them. And why should he? She had told him the night he came to her house that he shouldn't confide in her, that she couldn't help him. She had been an idiot. Nevertheless, that didn't give him a right to sneak into her room.

She turned her gaze back to the screen. Tony had finally calmed down enough to settle back into bed to get some sleep. Then he suddenly bolted up again and ran from the room, tripping over his sheets as he ran. She reversed the video to watch it again, but saw nothing. But what if he hadn't seen something that made him run out? The microphone on the bedroom cameras wouldn't be able to pick up sound from down the hall.

Pausing the master room video, she pulled up the guest room camera and ordered it be the only one played. Whatever sound the mic had picked up was faint grumbling at best. Then, around 2:00 am she heard a distinct, clear scream from her room. Moments later, Tony came running to the door, throwing it open.

She couldn't see much until Tony moved further into the room. The bed was in clear view of the camera, and she watched as Tony approached her balled up form and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Everything started playing out just as Tony had said. She grabbed onto him and held him in a vice like grip, balling her eyes out into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her, stroking her gently as she cried, trying to reassure her that she was safe. She listened as she kept saying over and over, "I killed him. He's dead." Then something she didn't expect came from Tony.

"It wasn't your fault. It was mine."

Her heart sank in her chest. He had no idea what she was really saying. He thought she was dreaming of Yinsen. Maybe somewhere in there she might have been at one point, but she knew at that specific moment, she wasn't dreaming of Yinsen. Several tears escaped as she realized what she had done and wished more than anything that she hadn't been so stubborn and quick to judge. Maybe part of her had a good reason for doing so, but that wasn't an excuse. Tony wasn't the same any more. She had known that for a long time, but she never wanted to admit to it. Well, she didn't have a choice now.

"Face of an angel on the outside, a broken warrior on the inside. I'm so sorry, JC. I did this to you. This is my fault."

His final words left her choking as she barely managed to order the video to stop. Her knees started to give out again and she reached a hand out against the window to steady herself.

He thought he was responsible for all of it, but she knew the truth. However broken she was, it wasn't Tony who had done it. He had been an ass, but he hadn't been the one who broke her. He had to know the truth. He deserved that much.


About ten minutes into his fiddling with the face plate he heard the sound of footsteps and the door opening. Pepper wasn't supposed to be there for nearly another half hour. That left only one person.

Several more minutes passed as she sat down by the door, silence still permeating the air.

"You won't want to hear this, but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. You were only trying to help."

"What changed your mind? I thought you'd already decided I was guilty," he responded coldly without looking at her. He felt slightly guilty about it considering the condition he had left her in, but his resentment for her assumptions was still too strong at the moment.

"I watched the security video. I heard what you said. You deserve to know the truth."

He spared a glance at her. "What are you talking about?"

"You said I was broken, and you're right; I am. But you were wrong when you said it was your fault." She paused and took a shaky breath. "I never told anyone about this, not even Darren's father. I was always so scared or embarrassed by what happened, so I never told anyone, and eventually it started to feel like a bad dream, like it didn't really happen. But then what happened with us in Japan, with Raza, and just now upstairs…it all just takes me back to a very dark time in my life."

"JC, I don't–"

"Please," she said, holding up a hand for him to stop. "This is hard enough for me to say, so just let me get it out, then you can say whatever you want, yell at me for what I did to you, anything." Her voice was quivering now, but Tony said nothing. She might not have given him the same curtesy, but he would grant her a final request.

When she had finally regained some of her composure, she began again. "When I was a child, someone close to my family…he…he molested me for well over a year," she finally said. Tony wanted to speak up, but he stayed silent as she started to speak again. "At first I didn't realize anything was wrong with it. I know that sounds stupid, but I was young, sheltered, and I thought I could trust him. When I finally realized how wrong it was…it was too late. If I tried to refuse him, he would hurt me, tried strangling and smothering me on more than one occassionoccasion. So I eventually stopped fighting. And then one night…he raped me while I slept. I woke up in the middle of it and tried to fight him off, but he pinned me down, kept going. He never touched me again after that night, and I never saw him again."

Tony could feel his guts twisting and churning as she continued, "As I grew up, I tried to move past it, pretend like it never happened. I never told anyone, because it had been my fault it ever got to that point. Eventually I was able to not think about it anymore, move on and live my life. But then Japan happened, and it brought everything back. I froze. It was like I was twelve again, helpless. Then Raza, then just now upstairs. The fear just takes over, and it's like I'm not me anymore. I'm that scared little girl."

She had managed to keep her composure, but tears still ran down her cheeks. It felt like a piece of himself died listening to her. He couldn't even fathom what it had been like for her to carry something like that for as long as she had. But then something struck him. She had specifically said twelve years old. The same age she had said she stopped speaking to her brother.

"He was your brother's friend, wasn't he?" he said.

She didn't bother denying it, just let her head fall into her hands.

It felt as though Tony's insides were being ripped apart. How could she think he would yell at her after telling him that? How could you be angry at anyone after something like?

"I…I don't even know what to say, JC. But it's not your fault."

She looked up at him with a confused stare. "Were you not even listening? I let it happen. I should have told someone."

He wanted to grab her and shake her out of her ridiculous reasoning. "You were a child, JC. You said so yourself that you were scared. No one can blame you for that. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was the one who chose to hurt you like that. He is the one to blame, not you. This is not your fault," he insisted. "You can't blame yourself for everything, JC. Not this, not what happened to Yinsen, none of it."

"I know that's what you think happened last night, but you're wrong. Yinsen wasn't the one giving me nightmares last night," she admitted when she could finally look up at him. Tony wasn't sure if he wanted to hear more, but it was something that obviously bothered her, and he knew from personal experience that sharing was not something she liked to do. If she was willing to share something that personal, he wasn't going to stop her.

"Brenan–Darren's father–and I knew each other for years before we got married. We were in separate military branches when 9/11 happened. Not long after, our units were sent in for a joint operation. Darren was seven years old and was sent to live with my mother during that time. We both hated the idea, but we were two of a kind, I suppose. We wanted to serve our country, get some payback.

"We were in this little village about sixty miles away from the nearest command post. We never saw the attack coming. They hit hard and fast. My unit was to take point for the operation, so when my CO was killed, I was left as the XO. We were forced into a hole. On one side of us were insurgents. On the other was a vast minefield. We didn't stand a chance. Our only option was to hold out and wait for back-up, but that would take too long. Several called for retreat through the minefield, but I refused. The risk was far too great. Even so, one of them ran out anyways, and I couldn't stop him. I was responsible for his death." She began to choke back tears. "Because of my inability, my son has no father."

It took him a moment to process what she had said, still barely believing what he heard. "You said you were divorced," Tony said more as a question than a statement.

"I said we split up. I never said we were divorced. Back-up eventually did come, but it was too late. Nearly half of everyone that had been deployed was either dead or wounded. By the time we reached base I was in a near shell shocked state. It was several weeks before I was stable enough to be sent home for a psych evaluation. I was put on temporary leave for PTSD and required to check back in a month. When I came back, everyone thought I was okay, so I was put back on duty.

"Unfortunately, when they tried putting me through drills, I couldn't keep it together. The old memories kept resurfacing. That was when it was decided to pull me out of the field and stick me behind a desk. It drove me crazy. I couldn't stand being away from the action even though I knew what would happen if I tried." She paused for a moment before continuing.

"I was discharged after that. But I didn't just give up for some boring job. There was this guy who said personal security would be a good fit for me. He said he could set me up with my first couple jobs with some politicians and other important guys like that. Over time I got a good reputation and made it my living. It made a good cover to get away from my son when I needed to."

"What do you mean?" Tony asked.

"What happened last night has been happening for the past nine years. After first, they came every night. After a few months, they went away. I thought that I was over it, but on the anniversary of the event, everything comes flooding back no matter what I do. I never forgot about it until now. I don't know how. I guess I got so distracted for once what with being captured and working on the suit that I couldn't think about it, but then I'm reminded and…" Her voice gave a crack as she trailed off.

"It wasn't your fault. He was a coward."

"How dare you?" she seethed, getting to her feet. "You have no right–"

"No, he had no right," he countered, standing up. "Any man who would try to abandon his men, his own wife, whatever his reasons, is a coward. Maybe he was a good man once, maybe he thought if he could get away, at least one of you could get home to Darren; it doesn't matter. He chose to leave you and everyone else to die just so he could try to save himself. Tell me how that is not cowardice."

She stood there gaping for a moment trying to come up with some sort of response. "It doesn't matter," she finally said weakly. "I should have been able to stop him. I should have grabbed him, held him down, anything to keep him from going, but I didn't. I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough to save my own family." Her gaze fell to the floor as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

Testing his luck, Tony reached out and gently grabbed her by the shoulders. She flinched but didn't push him away. "JC, look at me," he said gently. It took her several moments, but she finally turned her teary eyed gaze to him. "What happened to Brenan was not your fault. I know you, and I know you did everything you could to save him. But sometimes you can't save people from themselves."

"Are we still talking about Brenan?" she sniffled. "Or you?"

Tony took a deep calming breath. He was going to need it for what he had to say next.

"All my life I've done nothing but cause people pain, including you. I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to be known forever as 'The Merchant of Death' or 'War Monger.' Yinsen helped me see that I am capable of more that death and destruction, but I need you to keep me on the right course." She stared at him with shock in her eyes. "I know what I said before about asking you to leave, but I am begging you not to. I don't know if I can do any of this without help."

"I don't know if I'm the right person for that," she said.

"You're the only person right for it. You're the first, and so far only one, who has had the nerve to put me in my place, and it's starting to work," he admitted. "I can't promise to change immediately, but I am trying, JC, and I promise to do better; but I am not strong enough to do this on my own."

"I couldn't save my husband. What makes you think I can help you, save you? For God's sake, just look at me. I can't even save myself."

"Who said you had to?" he said before pulling her in close and wrapping his arms around her. She resisted at first, pushing weakly against his chest, but he never let go. She needed this, and he knew it. She soon gave up and wept openly into his chest, her arms wrapping around him for support as he felt her body quivering at the effort to stay standing.

"You're the first to actually stay with me, to make sure I was okay," she mumbled into his chest when her sobs finally settled.

Tony gave a small chuckle. "I think it's because most people find you terrifying."

He felt her giggling and knew he had managed to lighten the mood for a moment. Releasing her hold on him, JC pushed herself away and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. "Look at me. I'm a wreck. Hadn't planned on this."

"You look fine, JC," he said with a smirk.

"Oh geez. What time is it?" she asked, flustered all of a sudden.

"Almost nine. Why?"

"I've gotta get home. Darren's probably wondering what happened," she said as she pulled out her phone and started pressing buttons in rapid succession. Hopefully it was a text message to tell Darren not to send the cops over.

"Are you okay to drive? I can have Happy take you," he offered.

"No, that's okay. I'll be fine," she threw over her shoulder as she headed up stairs. "I'll be back this afternoon."

"You don't really have to do that. You've spent enough time hanging around me for one weekend," he said, following her upstairs.

"Tony," she said, turning on him. "We've talked about this. This is my job."

"Your family is also part of your job, is it not?"

"Your point?"

"You missed three months of your son's life. Take a day off. Think of it as an order from your boss. You've more than earned it," he insisted.

"Tony, you can't go five minutes without supervision. I know you said you're just doing calculations today–"

"And I meant it. I have a lot to go over from last night's test, which means me and my computer screen are going to have a long day. Go have fun. You do remember what fun is, right?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "As a matter of fact I do. Unfortunately, so do you. A little too well, I might add. I'll be back around 2:00. Try not to kill yourself in that time," she said and hurried up the stairs.


AN: Hope you've been enjoying the updated material and sorry for the long delays. Whether this is your first read or reliving the adventure, don't forget to leave a review! :)