Chapter 45: Try Me
"You alright?"
Zoey tensed and looked up from the fireplace. It was midnight and she was once again in the Common Room staring into the fire thinking about the things that have been happening to her. Primarily, Fred. Zoey blushed at the memory of her lips brushing against his. From the many times she had repeated the scene in her head she came to the conclusion that it wasn't a real kiss. It was just a brush of lips, but still the thought made her heart skip a beat every time she recalled his slightly rough lips made contact with hers. Her eyes widened at the memory once more and she tried to get her mind of the image.
"What are you doing up, Cedric?" Zoey asked as she looked at the gray eyes of her fellow Hufflepuff.
"I should be asking you the same question actually," Cedric chuckled as he sat beside her and stared into the fireplace for a while. He then looked back at Zoey, the light of the fire making her skin glow a bit. "Now, tell me what's wrong," said Cedric.
Zoey bit her lip as she looked back at the fireplace, "What makes you say something's wrong?"
"You're always up at the middle of the night in front of the fireplace when something's up," Cedric said with a small shrug.
"This is only the second time," Zoey pointed out.
"That may be so but I am right in saying that something's bothering you… right?" Cedric asked and drew Zoey's attention back to him.
Zoey blinked up at him for her head was slightly tilted downwards. She didn't really know what to say. Cedric was her friend. In fact he was her only friend in the Hufflepuff house. He was also very loyal, heck why would he be sorted here if he wasn't? Zoey inwardly sighed. She knew she could trust him but the idea was a little awkward to her. She hasn't even told Bridgit and Echo what had happened to her. She didn't even know if she would tell them.
"Something's bothering me," Zoey admitted as she looked back to the fire. She remained quiet.
Cedric waited for a few minutes before deciding that Zoey wasn't planning on saying anything anytime soon. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you or are you going to leave me hanging?" Cedric joked.
"Why don't you guess?" Zoey broke into a small smile; might as well keep the conversation a little interesting than telling him her 'Fred problems'.
"Is it about your friends?" Cedric guessed but then shook his head, "No, can't be"
Zoey blinked her eyes, "What makes you say that?"
Cedric scratched the back of his head, "Well, you just got back with them right? I saw you hanging out with them the other day so I figured everything was cool with you lot – unless, there was another fight… Was there?"
"No," Zoey shook her head, "I'm not that bad at keeping friendships"
"Is it because you're a little secretive?"
"What?" Zoey asked with wide eyes as her hear began to beat faster.
Cedric rubbed the bottom of his chin in thought. "Well, I don't know if it's true – this from my own opinion, but you just seem to always have things going on in your head. Of course, everyone's thinking about who knows what but for you it just seems that on most times you're having a silent battle with yourself. Life, there's something you want to say but you don't really know how or when to say it," Cedric then gave a sort of shy smile, "That's just my opinion though"
Zoey felt her cheeks heat up as she looked into Cedric's eyes. Sure, what he said was similar to what Ginny had told her last year but when Cedric said it… it seemed different. It had a different affect on Zoey. She bit her lip and looked down at the floor. She observed the shadows and said, "Me being secretive was the reason for our fight but now… there isn't a fight."
"Of course there isn't. You took them back didn't you? I doubt there was going to be one," Cedric said as he tilted Zoey's chin up.
"Then why did you say –"
"I just wanted you to admit you keep secrets," Cedric said, "Sure, everyone has them but it seems like yours are a little more troublesome than others. You see Zoey, I don't want to sound rude, but you aren't the type to want to fight – no don't interrupt me on this one – You are the type to do anything to please people. To make them like you and at times you also seem too good, nice even. You just seem so perfect."
"No one's perfect, Cedric," Zoey said with furrowed eyebrows as she took in everything he said.
Cedric nodded his head. "I know that but at times it just seems like you're so close to it"
"I don't try to be"
"That makes it worse!" Cedric laughed.
"Well, try looking in a bloody mirror then!" Zoey said defensively, "You're pretty close to 'perfect' yourself!"
Cedric wore and amused expression. "I don't think I've ever heard you say 'bloody' before," he mused, "It doesn't really seem like something you'd say"
"It isn't," Zoey blushed, "I use euphemisms to cover it up"
"Like what?"
"I would normally say 'Well, try looking in an eggin' mirror then!' or something," Zoey's blush deepened.
"'Eggin'," Cedric repeated, "really interesting euphemism skills you got there…but getting back to the point, which wasn't about you being perfect because it seemed like the conversation drifted that way, you are really just the type to want to please people."
"I don't want to disappoint their expectations of me," Zoey said quietly
"And what exactly are their expectations of you?"
Zoey shrugged.
"Let me rephrase that," Cedric said, "What do you expect from yourself?"
Zoey looked back to the fire. What did she expect from herself? Did she have any expectations? Zoey didn't know. Maybe, what Cedric meant was if she had a dream? No, a dream was far from expectations but that passing thought caused Zoey to wonder. What did she expect from herself? What was her dream? What did she want to do with her life? She did not know. She had no dreams, aspirations or expectations. She felt unprepared. She felt uneasy.
"I – I don't really know," Zoey breathed out at the realization, "I just want to make other people happy… I guess… make them like me."
"I don't want to sound mean but Zoey not everyone would like you. It's not possible," Cedric pointed out.
"I know that, but don't you think it's better for at least some people liking you than having everyone dislike you?" Zoey asked as she watched the fire crackle.
"I don't think anyone could dislike you, Zoey. You're too nice. There's nothing to hate," Cedric said as he patted her back.
"Wanna bet?" Zoey looked back at him.
Cedric shook his head and brought his hand back to his side. He looked at the fire. "You just can't please everyone, Zoey. That's all I'm trying to say. There will be times where you have to say 'No!' or 'I don't want to do that' or something. You have to speak your mind up at times. Tell them what you're thinking"
"I do tell them what I'm thinking," Zoey said quietly. It was true though she hardly fought for her way.
"You have to get angry at times too. You can't always be happy –"
"I'm not always happy," Zoey interjected
" – Yes, but you're also quiet. I sometimes see you working and well when things don't go your way you don't get irritated or angry or show any negative… explosive feeling. You brush it off. You remain silent," Cedric said with a scratch of his head
"Anger doesn't help anyone," Zoey said softly.
"But it doesn't help if you keep it pent up inside," Cedric said, "Zoey, I know I said that you seem that you're so close to perfect but in reality you have flaws. Not big ones but flaws just the same."
Zoey gave a lifeless smile. "That's why I don't want to speak my mind or get angry or whatever…. Flaws are what make us human. If I start to speak my mind and the like then… I'll truly be perfect and… that's my worse fear"
Cedric watched Zoey stand up and walked away from him. She headed towards the stairs that led to the dormitories. He didn't say anything and only waved her a goodnight when she looked back at him. Zoey gave a small smile, though seemingly forced, and went up the stairs. Cedric listened to her echoing steps as he looked back at the fire in thought.
It was now seven-thirty in the morning, and as always the Great Hall was filled with chattering students, and the clinking sounds of their utensils as they ate. One of those many students was none other than Fred Weasley but what made him particularly different from the other students was that he was not eating nor chatting with his friends. No, to be honest Fred was acting rather strange that morning. He was seemed to have something in his mind that really tore him away from the real world. That something was surprisingly not about his next prank.
Echo and Bridgit looked at George with question when Fred scratched is head furiously. George simply shrugged his shoulders for he did not know the reason for his twin's odd behavior. It was rare for George not to know what was on Fred's mind but it was true, George was in the dark with his twin's silent dilemma.
Fred, who had stopped with his scratching, did not notice his friend's curious gazes and even if he did, he didn't really care. All Fred cared about was what was haunting his thoughts at that very moment. The only thing that was occupying his mind.
Zoey.
He couldn't get the feel of her soft lips against his. True, it was just a brush but to Fred it might as well have been a snogging session in a broom closet. Fred's eyes widened when he pictured the scene. What the bloody hell am I thinking? He asked himself as he tried to shake the image away. It was just an accident right? He thought to himself. Fred suddenly realized that, that was it.
It was just an accident.
It was caused when he was placing his face in her hair and when Zoey looked up at him.
It was completely unintentional.
No meaning behind it.
Fred inwardly groaned. He didn't want it to be just and accident. He wanted it to be real and full of emotion. Why are you doing to this to me, Zoe? Fred banged his head on the table making the nearby plates and goblets shake a bit from the sudden vibrations. Fred didn't even let out a pained sound even though his forehead throbbed and he guessed he left a mark. This was the second time he had harmed the defenseless table due to his troubling thoughts.
"What's up with him?" Bridgit asked George as she watched Fred bringing his fist to the table and banging it causing the plates to shake. She heard Fred making unintelligible mutterings under his breath. Something was really bothering the boy.
Fred wasn't paying attention to anything. He didn't even hear Bridgit's question or what George answered. All he heard was his pounding heart. All he had in his mind was Zoey.
The image of the fortune teller suddenly flashed in his mind. 'Tell her'. The fortune read. Although Zoey didn't understand it, Fred knew. He knew what it meant. He knew what it was trying to tell him. He knew all too well. In fact, he was wondering why he wouldn't even tell her in the first place. "Don't be such a wimp," he whispered to himself, trying to get some courage. He was a bloody Gryffindor for crying out loud! If he had the guts to pull pranks on Snape why couldn't he say a simple confession?
Why can't you just tell her?
A voice in his head asked. Fred really hoped that his mind and heart had the answer for he, himself, was at lost. Why couldn't her tell her? Oh, right. Cause confessing was a whole lot harder than placing explosive cherry bombs in everyone's cauldron during Potions.
It's easy.
The voice in his head said.
Just walk up to her and say "Zoey, I love you"
Fred's eyes widened. I love you. Did he truly love her? Sure, he fancied her for some time but did he love her? Fred was utterly confused. He thought about Zoey's gray eyes, oh how they shined with private thoughts and secrets he wished he knew. Her cheeks, the obvious rosy color they held and the way they flushed when she was embarrassed. Her hair, her soft, long brown hair, they way it just fell from her massy ponytail and the small braid it held. It was messy yet unique. It was her. Her lips, Fred thought, they were so soft. Even if he didn't kiss her he knew. For she had kissed him on his cheek all those months ago. They were soft.
Fred noted that he loved those things about her but was his love shallow? Did he only love her looks? No, he loved her awkward moments and her soft voice. The way her eyebrows knitted together when she was worried or the way they furrowed when she was in concentration. Her small panic attacks and they way she always tried to keep them from doing pranks or any other shenanigans. Her secrets. The secrets she said she would tell him one day. Her hidden demons. He loved them all. He loved her.
That was it.
It was a fact.
Fred loved Zoey.
No, he loves her.
"I have to tell her!" Fred abruptly shouted as he banged his hand on the table, making the silverware shake, and stood up. In his hand was a sandwich that George had placed in his hand when Fred was thinking. Fred did not notice this but he didn't care. All her cared about was telling Zoey what he felt.
"Tell who what?" George asked as he watched the fillings of the sandwich drip down Fred's hand. Fred took no notice of it and turned to his twin.
"I have to tell –" Fred stopped when he caught sight of the door of the Great Hall. He saw some students enter but what caught his eye was a pair that stood a little away from the door.
Zoey and Cedric were laughing and happily parted with a hug. Fred took note that Zoey's cheeks were slightly flushed.
Fred sat back down and made his hand into a fist causing him to destroy the sandwich in his hand.
"Fred, that sandwich did not do any harm to you, it really never did. Now, tell me, why did you have to ruin its dreams of going down your digestive track?" Echo spoke, twirling a lock of her hair between her index finger and thumb.
Fred was about to glare at her but looked down at his hand. There was pathetic crumpled sandwich with its insides messily spilling and dripping on the table. Fred made a face and released his hold on it. He then wiped his hand on a hanky before looking back at Echo. He jabbed his thumb towards Zoey who was walking towards them.
"That is Zoey and please don't dare tell me that your hormones are only beginning to take action now," Echo laughed before continuing on eating her oatmeal.
Fred opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted when Zoey finally reached them.
Zoey smiled at her friends and greeted each of them. When she reached Fred her smile stiffened and her eyebrows knitted as her cheeks flushed. She spluttered out something unintelligible before taking her seat beside Echo. She hastily reached for an apple and played with it in her hands.
Echo's eyes went back and forth from Zoey to Fred. Zoey's was awkwardly playing with an apple and her cheeks were flushed while Fred was looking at everywhere but Zoey and his cheeks were noticeably red as well. It only took her a mere second before she a mischievous grin graced her face.
Zoey looked up at Echo and jumped back a bit when she saw her face. Something was up. "What are you thinking about?" Zoey asked cautiously.
"Oh nothing. Just nothing," Echo spoke.
Bridgit noticed the tension of the situation. She really didn't want something to come up now, so she decided to save the situation while she could.
"Hey look! Professor Sprout is heading out way," Bridgit said, spotting the head of Hufflepuff house.
Everyone looked up from whatever they were doing and looked towards the squat teacher. It was true. "What do you suppose she's coming our way for?" George asked as he took a gulp of his morning pumpkin juice.
"Uhm… since we're in our fifth year, maybe she's coming to ask us about the career we want to pursue so we know what NEWT subjects to take?" Bridgit answered, but it sounded more of a question.
Fred arched an eyebrow. "Shouldn't the head of our houses be the one to talk to us about that? Besides, McGonagall already spoken to George and I and I'm pretty sure Flitwick spoke to you and Echo too"
"Professor Sprout is head of Hufflepuff," Bridgit emphasized and looked towards Zoey.
Zoey jumped slightly in her seat and opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Professor Sprout stopped by them.
"Good Morning Miss Emeraude," she greeted and sent a nod towards Bridgit and the rest.
"G – Good Morning, Professor," Zoey squeaked out as she placed the apple back on the table.
"I know it too early and rather sudden but I would need to speak to you privately Miss Emeraude," Professor Sprout smiled, "You've already had your breakfast?"
Zoey slowly nodded. It was a lie but she didn't know what else to say.
"Okay, so why don't we head to my office then?" Professor Sprout smiled before walking towards the Great Hall. Zoey stood up from her seat and glanced towards her friends.
"I'm sure you'll come out alive," Echo gave her a warm light-hearted smile. Bridgit and George nodded in agreement. Zoey returned the smile and gave one last look to Fred. Fred gave a smile and Zoey's cheeks flushed a bit before turning away and following her professor out of the Great Hall.
" – YES I DON'T BELIEVE IT! HE'S SAVED IT!"
Zoey heard Lee's booming voice as he commentated the match of Gryffindor versus Slytherin. Zoey did not know what was going on but by the sounds of it Wood just saved a goal. She didn't really know for she was not watching. Zoey did not want to attend today's Quidditch match even though if the Gryffindor's won they would have the House Cup. Zoey felt bad about not caring. She felt guilty for spending this day to wallow in her thoughts instead of supporting her friends. She felt like she betrayed them a little bit but she had to slightly agree with Cedric. There should be a time where she would say "No" (though she didn't particularly say. She just didn't attend)
She sighed as she kicked a pebble from the ground and stuffed her hands into her pockets. She wanted to get away from the world for a while. She wanted time alone for her thoughts. Zoey let out a pained gasp as the mist surrounded her once more. She quickly unstuffed her pockets and hastily removed her robes. She dropped them to the floor and hunched forward as she felt her back begin to sprout out wings. She bit her lip and held in a scream as she felt her wings spread and flapped a bit.
"I'll never get used to this," Zoey said in a hoarse whisper and picked up her robes before straightening her back. She roles her neck and stretched before looking towards the Forbidden Forest, her wings began to flap as she took a few steps towards the forest and her feet left the ground. Zoey swallowed hard and took off into the air and into the forest.
Zoey looked at the forest beneath her. Mostly she saw the tops of the tress and every now and then a creature that hid within the forest. Some she knew about and others she wished she never saw. Zoey continued to fly until she reached the middle of the forest, then she began to lower herself back to the ground. She looked around her surroundings and sighed when she saw no sign of the black dog. She slumped on the floor and her wings folded behind her, she closed her eyes.
"Miss Emeraude there's nothing to be nervous about," Professor Sprout said as she took a seat behind her desk, "Please, take a seat"
Zoey nodded slowly as she sat down on the chair in front of Professor Sprout's desk. She nervously licked her lips.
"So, Miss Emeraude I take it you know why you're here today?"
"W – Well, my friends say that you're going to talk to me about my career choice and what subjects I would most likely be taking for my NEWTS," Zoey struggled with her words. She hoped she got it right. She wasn't fully paying attention to them.
Professor Sprout nodded her head. "That's right," she said, "So do you have any thoughts on what you want to do after you graduate?"
Zoey bit her lip. What did she want to do after she graduated? What job would she take? She never really thought about it. She always thought that her time in Hogwarts was going to last much longer but now, after being asked what she wanted to do after leaving Hogwarts, Zoey realized she only had two years left and she's gone. She'll leave her sweet haven. Most likely never to be back again. It broke Zoey's heart. Zoey racked her brains and tried to find a job she wanted to do but she knew it was hopeless. She had a clear grasp on what was going to happen to her after Hogwarts. She knew deep inside that after she graduated she would not be looking for a job. No, she would be returning back to the Emeraude suburb. Back in her broken home and away from the rest of the world. She would be caged and kept away. Just like she promised. She would never leave.
"I could mention some jobs and you could tell me what spikes your interest," Professor Sprout offered when she saw Zoey's troubled face.
Zoey shook her head and without thinking she said: "What about a Healer?"
"A Healer?" Professor Sprout slightly gasped, "But that's very difficult to become!"
"Try me," Zoey said with a small smile.
Professor Sprout nodded her head once more. "Alright then. To become a Healer you have to at least receive an 'Exceeds Expectations' at NEWT Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology, Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts"
Zoey's eyes widened with every mention of a subject. She knew it was not easy to become a Healer but she never imagined it would be that hard. "I'm rather good at Charms," she pathetically said.
"I know that, Miss Emeraude," Professor Sprout said with a smile, "Professor Flitwick speaks highly of your talent in Charms"
Zoey blushed and scratched the back of her head. "I never knew that"
"Well, now you do but you must not only be good at Charms. You also have to excel in Transfiguration, Potions, Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts and so far so good but you are doing dreadfully on Potions and you seem to be struggling with DADA"
"Well, I can ask Fred to tutor me in Transfiguration and George with Herbology," Zoey said.
Professor Sprout raised an eyebrow at the names of the twins but didn't say anything. "That's good to hear but from what I see you are doing well with those subjects. What I'm trying to say is that you need to do better in Potions and DADA"
Zoey wanted to say that she was doing horribly in Potions because for some reason unknown to her Snape was out to get her. He didn't treat her as bad as Harry but all the same she was not his favorite. DADA was different story. She loved the subject, she got along with the teacher and she understood the lesson. Her only problem was that she could not execute what she had learned. She could not cast any of the spells properly. She was not dreadful at the subject but to put it in her Uncle's words there was 'room for improvement'.
"Well, I suppose I could try to do better in Potions and DADA," Zoey said weakly and almost unsurely.
"That's all I'm asking," Professor Sprout smiled as she stood up from her desk an approached Zoey, "I know you are a bright witch and would be an excellent Healer you just need to try hard enough to reach your goal. You have to exceed what people are expecting from you"
Zoey gave a weak smile. What were people expecting from her? What was she suppose to exceed? Was there any point? The moment she leaves Hogwarts she would be sent straight back to her home to stay in forever. It didn't help that Witches and Wizards lived longer than Muggles either. Zoey kept all her thoughts in her head and watched as her professor straightened her hat and said: "Well that's all I had to say at the subject. You seem pretty sure and capable of being a Healer but if you have any questions or problems don't hesitate to come to me"
"Don't worry, Professor," Zoey said as she got up from her chair, "I will"
Zoey was abruptly brought back to reality by the sound of a twig snapping. Her wings opened wide as her head snapped towards the direction of the sound. She calmed a bit when she saw that it was just a dog. 'Doggie' to be specific. Zoey broke into a crooked smile.
"Hello, Doggie," she said as the dog took a few steps towards her, "I was wondering where you've gone. You did a disappearing act on me after… well… after you know."
Zoey felt her cheeks warming. "You know… I've like him since my second year and I've been keeping that little fact to myself for some time now. I haven't breathed a word about it. I guess when we – err – brushed lips… it was kinda big deal for me and kinda not. I don't know what to think of it… I was wondering whether I actually love him or not," Zoey laughed softly at her own word.
Love.
She was fifteen and yet she did not know what "Love" truly was.
She did not know what "being in love" felt like and was not sure if that was what she was feeling right now.
Doggie barked.
"Okay, I'll change the topic then," Zoey said as if understanding the dog, "A few days ago I had a talk with the head of my house, Professor Sprout. I'm a fifth year Hufflepuff you see and I'll be taking my OWL exam really soon so Professor Sprout wanted to know what I wanted to be after I leave Hogwarts. You know, what career I want to take so I know what NEWT subjects I'll have for my remaining two years here…You see Doggie that was really hard for me because I didn't even realize that in two years I'll be gone from here forever. Not Hogwarts though...I'll never come back here
"You see Doggie, once I graduate I'll be going back to the Emeraude Suburb and back into my house where everything is broken and dusty. Once I come back to my house I'll never leave. I'll never leave my house and I'll never find a job because that was what I promised my Aunt Damiana. You know Doggie, My aunt Damiana is evil. Ever since I came to live in the Emeraude Suburb in my own house she had been bullying me in more ways than one and not in a good way."
Doggie barked again and growled.
"I see what you mean Doggie, how could there be a "good way" to bullying. There isn't. It's just that my aunt's bullying is more like abuse. With blood and emotional and physical scarring," Zoey shivered as she heard the dog growl again, "But let's not talk about that. You know Doggie, I said I wanted to be a Healer. I don't know why but I just felt like it was right. It was the first job that came to mind and I just said it."
Zoey looked down, "I would need to excel in a bunch of subjects. I wonder if I'll be able to do it. I wish my mum was here to help…even my dad. I just want someone to tell me I can do it if I tried hard enough."
The dog didn't bark. Zoey heard nothing but a voice. A masculine voice that sounded like it belonged to e thirty year old man or so.
"You can do it if you tried hard enough," the voice said, "Heck, I bet you can do it even without trying"
Zoey looked up and her eyes widened.
"Dad"
MY GAWD!
LONG CHAPTER!
THANK YOU ZOOMSKATER14 AND HAYLEYPARADOX FOR HELPING ME OUT!
YOU ARE BOTH UBERLY AWESOME!
Anyway, believe it or not I had a little Writer's Block in the beginning then suddenly WUBAM this happened. Don't know how but from a little writer's block I got a chapter that has 5 thousand something words or so.
I'm rambling.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Stay tuned for there is much more to come!
Thanks for all your reviews and the like they are very much a appreciated!
My Batch Party is drawing nearer and nearer.
You what that means?
INSPIRATION!
Inspiration for what?
Guess!
:P
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