I didn't mean to take so long with this update. I promise it won't take me a year to finish! (This will be 5 chapters long when complete. Four seasons plus a little extra)
Summer is a hard season for Kross, both for the heat and the memories.
Summer - Season of Fire
Summer 1 (Beach Opening)
The first day of summer had dawned bright and hot as anyone could wish. Kross went about the familiar work laid out for him, but it was hard to not think about one thing that had changed in the last season. Now he spent his holiday mornings at Raguna's homestead, watching his hardworking neighbor and talking with him whenever he took a moment's break. He was even becoming more comfortable with the possibility that Raguna would pick something fresh from his field and offer it as a gift.
Today Raguna's fields were filled with neat plots sprinkled with new seeds, and here and there even the first tiny shoots of plants Raguna had seeded the night before were poking their way up through the soil. Kross entertained a brief fantasy that they were growing faster just for him. The air around Raguna's fields was thick with the colored lights of runeys, and even Kross could sense how much living energy was in that field.
As Kross approached the farm, Raguna was busy cutting fodder for his monsters and carrying armfuls of it up to the barn. He paused just long enough to smile at Kross and call a happy greeting before hurrying to finish the chore.
It seemed unfair that after daring to shake up Kross's world, actually making him change his schedule and leaving him eager to see another face, Raguna had built his own regular schedule. He kept humming to himself as he worked, apparently comfortable in Kross's company.
That was why he reminded Raguna to hurry along to the beach, Kross told himself. As for why he ran interference with Erik, allowing Raguna a little time to shine on his own as all the young people in town celebrated the start of beach season, Kross had no answer even for himself.
His head ached mercilessly from the heat. He would blame the heat for making it difficult to think.
It was only a few minutes after he had retreated to the peace of Stella's church that Raguna found him. He smelled of summer sun and salty ocean spray, his face glowing with a wide smile as he came to ask why Kross hadn't joined them at the beach that morning. He immediately began trying to tell Kross how much fun it had been with everyone.
When he'd laughed about the idea to play melon pinata (softly, he was still mindful they were in a church), Kross felt his own mind skip right over the summer game. It was the heat that did it to him, the overpowering summer heat that baked the senses out of his brain. It didn't matter how cool it was in the shade of the church. It had to be the heat that was making him smell that old miasma of sweat and blood and choking dust.
"I hate watermelons. . ." Kross murmured. His voice crawled from his throat in a slow slide of gravel. His lips were dry enough to crack from shaping the words. There was no water, only dust. "The red won't wash off. No matter how much I wash my hands, the red of the watermelon won't wash off. . ."
The sound of a melon splitting under a hammer blow was too familiar to him. Kross didn't have to hear it to have it echoing in his head. It was the wet crack of a skull being crushed, so vivid he shocked himself with the memory.
Kross wrung his hands together to get rid of the sticky paste of blood and dust. There was no water to wash them. He could taste the dust, his tongue grating dry against the roof of his mouth. Everything was choked in dust and heat and the stench of rot. There was no water anywhere.
"Kross?" Raguna grabbed for his hands and he jerked away from the sudden movement. "I won't give you any watermelon if you don't like it," Raguna was promising him, words pattering so fast they fell over each other. "It's okay. I won't give you anything you don't like. You don't have to have anything to do with it if you don't like it."
Kross wasn't sure those words applied to what was happening here and now. He could barely hear over the scream of cicadas ringing in his ears. He didn't want to hear anything happening beyond that noise. He knew what kinds of human noises they drowned out.
"Stella, what's wrong with him? What should I do?" Raguna cried, his voice rising with a fear that made Kross lift his head in search of the threat. The tension of fight-or-flight coiled in his muscles, winding up so tightly it made them slow to respond. He seemed to be breathing very quickly. It was difficult to get enough air yet he struggled with shallow breaths to keep the smell of carrion from settling in his lungs.
Following Raguna's gaze, he could only that see Stella had stepped out from behind the pulpit. She moved slowly enough for his eyes to track. He could see stained glass behind her through the heat haze. That was something he could focus his eyes on, bright colors not dulled by dust. That bright tapestry of glass didn't belong in hell.
"Kross," she called. Something about her steady voice could only belong to one tiny fragment of his life. "Do you need to rest? You can rest here at the church. It's Lara's day off, but we can take you to the infirmary."
The words helped orient him. Kross focused on the sound of her voice and the space of the church around him. He knew this sanctuary. He knew the wood itself where he had repaired it. "Yes," he acknowledged. This was a place he could stay.
"Will you let Raguna help you?" Kross's head was heavy but he thought he must have nodded. Raguna's shoulder wedged under his arm to support him. An arm pressed hot across his back as Raguna guided him forward.
Raguna was strong. Not strong enough to force him if he'd wanted to fight back, but more than strong enough to handle his weight and half-carry him through the church and into the infirmary.
With Raguna's coaxing, Kross perched on the edge of the bed. He didn't want to lie down, even if the person standing over him wasn't a threat.
Raguna was sent away from his side to find water. Kross was sure there was no water. The whole world was dry and dead.
Except then somehow there was water. Raguna held the cup until his hands could clutch it, then coaxed him to drink when he was unable to believe it was real long enough to tilt it against his parched lips.
"Can you rest now?"
The taste of dust was washed out of his mouth. Kross ran his tongue behind his teeth and then over his lips. The life wasn't wrung out of his world after all, but making his way back to a place where he could find water had left him disoriented.
"You are here to heal. You have to rest and let that happen."
This was Stella, he remembered. Her voice was a lifeline he used to pull himself away from the sound of cicadas. Kross lay back, holding his breath at first, but all Stella did was turn on Raguna again, making him fetch her clean cloths and more water. She was so close he could smell the lotion she used on her hands, something green and sweet like a flower he couldn't name. That smell could only belong in the peaceful life of a farmer, and Kross finally allowed himself to breathe deep, no longer afraid of the sickening reeling that familiar smells would bring him.
"What happened? Is he sick?" Raguna asked. His forehead puckered and his eyes were soft with concern. Kross couldn't believe Raguna was wearing that face for him. There must be something wrong. What was he good for if he couldn't at least get rid of whatever was wrong?
"It's just heat stroke. We always have some of our foolish farmers overworking themselves in the sun until they keel over this time of year. The first day of summer is a record, though. You should be proud, Kross." Stella paused her lecture to bathe his face with the cool cloth.
Raguna knelt beside him. His hand came to rest near Kross's hand. Kross wasn't sure which one of them made the last move, but their fingertips touched together. Kross stared down at the alien sight of a hand touching his. Not trying to stop him or harm him or do anything to him. Just fingertips touching fingertips.
"He'll be all right, won't he?" Raguna wanted to know.
"Of course." Stella's eyes also went to the meeting of their hands, but she didn't comment. "Will you do me a favor and look after him until Lara comes back this evening?"
"Of course! I'd be glad to stay with him, if it will help at all," Raguna answered.
Cool water slowly eroded away the idea that Raguna's concern must be for deadly horrors in the shadows, until it was no longer urgent that he somehow get up to fight them off. Once he was laying quietly, firmly grounded in Trampoli where he belonged, Stella left him to Raguna's care with a set of strict instructions to keep him cool, make him drink, and remind him where he was if he became delirious again. It seemed to Kross like an unnecessary burden to place on anyone for his sake.
It was a few minutes after Stella left them alone that Raguna spoke again. "Sorry," he whispered. "I was playing at the beach while you were. . . I'm sorry."
"You don't owe me anything," Kross reminded him. "And I don't expect anything."
"Yes, but. . . I had hoped we were becoming friends. Friends look after each other, right?" Raguna smiled at him, and something inside Kross's chest clenched up tight. He didn't know how to fight off Raguna's well-meaning naivety.
"You don't need to look after me. I've always recovered quickly."
When Kross sat up there was a hand ready to help him. He tried to ignore it and said, "I need to follow my normal schedule."
"You would be in the church now, right? It wouldn't be so different to stay and rest."
Raguna was right about that. There was also a chance that if he went into the church now Stella would only order him to rest.
Kross stayed where he was. He could just reach to touch the wall. It was solid under his fingertips. There were some things that he had learned to use to focus himself. The feeling of wood or stone under his hands was the most reliable. He had successfully separated himself from the heat-haze of memory, but he still loved the texture of smooth-sanded wood.
"You can go, if you want to. I'm fine," he said, because Raguna was still here. Perhaps he needed Kross release him.
Raguna sat down next to him. Out of the corner of his eye Kross caught that smile still warming his face.
"I'd rather stay with you, if you don't mind my company. It's nice to spend time with you."
It felt nice to have Raguna here with him.
"If you really want to stay."
"I really want to stay," Raguna confirmed. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Do you have any plans for the summer?"
Raguna didn't seem to mind being told 'no' when Kross couldn't think of anything good to say about summer. He didn't mind sharing silence.
Kross didn't mind having him there. Once he thought about it, he found he welcomed Raguna's company.
Summer 2
"You built that overnight, didn't you?" Raguna demanded. He was pointing at the Sainte-Coquille mansion that now dominated the landscape, situated on a small hill to better catch the eye of passers-by. "No one else could do that!"
Kross looked up at the mansion, found it exactly as he had intended it, and lowered his eyes again to the task at hand. "Yes, I built it." He had meant to build it overnight, but there had been the task of clearing out his field for summer crops first. Technically he had done it in the space of a few morning hours before he had gone to visit Raguna, but that was close enough.
"But how did you build it so fast? Is that how you exhausted yourself so much you collapsed!? Kross, don't do things like that!"
Kross raised his gaze enough to look at Raguna, regarding his agitated neighbor with dull frustration. "It's my job." He only felt at peace when he was building, crafting, or working in his fields. Why would Raguna ask him to stop?
"Well, yes, but. . . I worry about you if you take on too much all at once." Raguna admitted.
His face flushed an unexpected shade of red. As Kross watched, Raguna darted a look at him and then away. Kross didn't even have to point out that Raguna was just as bad as him, if not worse. Running from field to dungeon and trying to do every last task all by himself.
"Never mind." With that, Raguna dashed off to meet his new neighbors.
Summer 5
Kross glanced up even before the patter of Raguna's footfalls slowed, and ended up watching Raguna approach him. For just a moment Raguna stood with his shoulders squared as if preparing himself for something serious.
"I wanted to make up for last time," Raguna informed him as he handed over a plate of fish. "It's better cooked properly, right?"
It was a plate of pond smelt. The small fish had been gutted, salted, and cooked until their skin was crispy.
Kross agreed that it was good, watching as Raguna's face relaxed into a smile.
"It took some practice before I could cook this," Raguna admitted.
There were tiny cuts and burns on Raguna's hands. All of them had closed up cleanly this morning, but they were proof he had been up cooking long past when he was too tired to pay attention properly and had started to hurt himself.
Kross felt an unexpected urge tell Raguna to slow down, to make it clear that he didn't need to push himself so far that it hurt. It wasn't his place to tell Raguna what to do, so why did he suddenly want to take Raguna's hands in his and make sure all of the damage had healed?
Summer 7
Kross decided that all heat-sick irritability aside, he was happy with a routine that involved watching Raguna work on his holiday mornings. Raguna certainly seemed happy to have his company.
The mostly one-sided conversation was comfortable, at least until Raguna veered onto an unfamiliar topic. "Have you had a chance to meet Bianca and Tabatha yet? They're spending the summer in the mansion you built. I actually met them before I came to Trampoli, so I was surprised to see them here."
"I haven't been there since I finished my work."
He was grateful Raguna knew him well enough not to protest that they were right next door, but then Raguna had to say something confusing instead. "I hope you get a chance to meet Tabatha properly soon. She's a very kind person, and she likes monsters, so you have something in common!"
"That's good." Kross wasn't sure what to say to that. He didn't think it had anything to do with him, but it was good that she liked monsters.
"You would like her. She's very kind, and she's an easy person to be around, like you."
Why was Raguna praising her? Kross didn't understand, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Raguna liked everyone, so why did this feel different?
When he didn't respond Raguna finally said, "I think you would get along, but since neither of you are very outgoing I wanted to say something."
"Don't worry about that."
Kross wasn't sure why, but the explanation made him feel better. He should be annoyed that Raguna was meddling, however unsuccessfully. Instead he felt relieved. He allowed himself to be distracted by the glimpses of what Raguna thought of him. 'An easy person to be with.' It seemed like extravagant praise to him.
He was in the cool sanctuary of the church when he happened to see Tabatha. She greeted him politely, but then allowed a comfortable silence to fall between them. Kross was grateful.
It wasn't until they both left the church and ended up walking in the same direction that she spoke to him again.
"I wish to thank you. The summer home you built is very comfortable. I know that Miss Bianca is pleased with it as well."
"I'm glad. You can come to me if you need any extensions." Kross found it easier to talk about his work than anything else. He couldn't imagine needing to add anything onto a house like that, unless the small area serving as a barn needed to be expanded. Raguna had said she liked monsters, but he hadn't seen any so far.
"Have you been able to tame any of the monsters here?" he asked, and immediately felt foolish. What was he going to do if she confessed she was having difficulty? Raguna would be the one to ask for help, not him.
"No. I'm afraid Miss Bianca is still a little reluctant to share the house with monsters." There was a real sadness in Tabatha's voice, enough that even Kross picked up on it. When he glanced at her, her face was as serene as ever. "I do hope to see a day when people will live side-by-side with monsters."
Like Raguna, Kross thought. Like many beloved people who were now lost to him. Even like himself, although he could never make it happen.
"In the village where I grew up there were many monsters that lived peacefully alongside us. My father built our barn against the house so we could look after them even during the worst winter storms." That was almost as much as he had told Stella about his past before, a shocking amount.
"That sounds wonderful. I would love to visit your village someday."
Kross could never forget that he could never go home again.
He was silent too abruptly and too long, because Tabatha eventually said, "I apologize. I won't ask again. I confess I'm not sure if I will ever go home myself."
Perhaps Raguna was right about them having some things in common, and about Tabatha being easy to be around.
"I hope you will enjoy living in Trampoli." It felt like an awkward thing to say and an awkward way to say it, but Kross felt something needed to be said. He had found his happiness here. Couldn't he wish the same for others?
"Thank you. I'm sure it will be a wonderful summer."
Summer 9
Outside the wind was howling, clawing at the door and lashing the windows with rain, but it couldn't find even a crack to crawl into Kross's sturdy house.
The first spring he spent in Trampoli had been unusually stormy. He had helped patch up Erik's house, but Erik's constant concern was what the storms were doing to his fields. It had been all they could do to clear and replant them before the next storm hit.
Alone in his own house, Kross didn't worry so much. There was nothing he could do about it until the storm passed. Then he would be back in his field again.
The sound of rain and wind was comforting to Kross. It reminded him of winter storms when he was a child, when they might be trapped inside for days. Back then there was always something to be done during those long hours. Kross remembered the sound of his mother's loom, his father humming as he worked, his sisters' voices. They were small sounds that could have existed under the wind, but Kross's home was too empty for him to imagine them.
Now Kross worked quietly by himself. He mended his tools, made a few small crafts, and found himself being drawn into working on his blueprints. He kept designing new plans for how he would expand Raguna's house, if Raguna came to ask him again.
Raguna wouldn't come visit today, of course. Kross caught himself looking at the door from time to time anyway. He would see Raguna again soon, he told himself. He only needed to sleep, to sleep deeply without dreams, until the storm passed.
Summer 10
Hot risotto was perfect for a damp, rainy summer evening. Kross had never known that before. It was far beyond his skills to cook successfully.
Raguna brought him some when he came to visit. Kross thought his heart lifted to see Raguna more than for the savory smell of the food he had brought. He didn't seem to mind the rain still falling gently after yesterday's storm, which was enough to soak any traveler to the bone.
"I promised I would plant some of the crops you weren't growing so I could share with you. Would you like to eat this with me? You can tell me if it's any good."
He couldn't tell if Raguna was teasing him. He would always say any food Raguna brought him was good, and this was no different.
They ate dinner together. Kross even cleared his precious blueprints to one side for the occasion. The sound of rain outside washed away the rest of the world and left the evening calm and safe. Kross felt peaceful looking across the table at Raguna's kind face.
Stella's sermon for the day came back to his mind. (It was more like a lecture from a great-aunt, one who had shed any patience she'd once had for childish nonsense.) She had talked about self care. As he was loved and cared for by others, so must he learn to love and care for himself. Kross had willfully pretended he didn't know what she meant, but she knew how Raguna treated him. She knew he had that example to learn from, and she knew he knew it.
If there was some logical reason underlying Raguna's kindness, Kross couldn't guess it. That bothered him much less than it once had. He thought that Stella meant for him to care for himself even when he didn't have a clear reason why he deserved it.
His self-deprecating smile at the thought was met with a positive ray of sunshine from Raguna. Maybe it wouldn't kill him to try.
Summer 12
As he worked it was easy to forget that he wasn't alone with his materials and his tools. He was focused only on the smooth sturdiness of wood and stone in his hands. The act of creating something, of bringing his sketched designs into reality, was meditative. While he was working everything else faded away into the distance. Even the oppressive summer heat couldn't touch him.
It wasn't until he had put the final touches on his work that he was aware of Raguna watching him. More accurately; openly staring at him. Kross braced one hand on the wall of the extension he had just finished. He already knew there was no fault to find in his work, only in him.
"Even watching you work I can't believe you can do it so fast!" Raguna moved to touch the expanded wall as well, his hand coming to rest close alongside Kross's. "Yet even I can tell it's perfect. I'm really impressed."
Kross felt the uncertain curve of a smile tugging at his mouth, hearing praise for the work he had put all of himself into. He could even imagine that Raguna was happy in a home improved by his hands. "I'm glad you are pleased with it."
"You must be really thirsty after that. Give me a minute and I'll get you something."
"That's not necessary."
"But you worked so hard building this for me! I can at least give you something cold to drink."
"This is my job," Kross reminded him once again. "You already paid for the extension. You don't need to give me anything."
"It's not that. I'm worried about you overworking yourself again, especially in this heat. Just a minute!"
What could Raguna possibly see in him that he spent energy worrying? It felt like he was tricking Raguna to allow the little gestures of kindness to continue, and yet he accepted Raguna's concern in the form of a glass of cold juice. It was easier than trying to explain, he told himself.
It was unexpectedly pleasant to stay there even after his work was done, drinking fresh orange juice with Raguna and breathing in the sweet scent of sawdust.
"Is there anything you don't like?" Ragina asked. When Kross didn't answer right away Raguna gave him a sheepish little smile and added, "I keep managing to give people the one thing they really don't like. Everyone's been nice about it, but I don't want to make anyone unhappy. I don't want to do anything like that to you, Kross. That's why I'm asking," he trailed off, looking away after his confession.
Kross was silent for another minute more, but he had already had the chance to think about if there was any gift he knew he didn't want.
"I really don't like curry powder and flour," he admitted in a low voice. "I can't cook myself, so someone might find out."
"Is it bad if someone finds out?"
"A man's weaknesses should be a private matter."
"I guess so," Raguna answered. He looked down at the orange juice that he had just made and then up at Kross again. "Does it bother you if I bring you things like this?"
"I like your cooking," Kross admitted. His throat seemed suddenly hoarse, his voice coming out more softly than when he had confessed his own weakness. Raguna's smile gave him no doubt that he was heard.
Summer 13
Raguna wasn't in his fields when Kross arrived. Instead Lute was in front of the house with a cart piled high with metal fixtures. He looked up with a bright smile and waved.
"Good morning, Kross! Are you going to help me install this?"
Kross froze, not used to being greeted with such energy by anyone but Raguna. Lute was Erik's friend, so he knew the optimistic painter in passing, but that barely went beyond an awareness of Lute's routine presence.
"You don't have to do anything," Raguna interrupted. "I just have to get this all inside first, and then we can take a break together."
This was the new equipment for the expansion Kross had built for his forge. Installing fixtures was outside of Kross's normal work, but he moved to help unload the cart in spite of Raguna's protests that he had done so much already. He felt uncomfortable sitting idle while they finished his work.
"It's fine," Lute reassured Raguna. "Kross might look like a stick, but he's so strong it's scary."
After that Kross kept his head down and his ears closed as he worked hauling everything inside. Raguna moved each piece into position so Lute could do the actual installation. Lute chatted happily with Raguna while he worked. He kept directing comments at Kross with a cheerful tone that didn't penetrate past the words already echoing around his head.
It didn't take long with the three of them working together. Lute called goodbye to them on his way back to the central square. Kross turned to make his way on to church, hours earlier than usual, and felt Raguna's hand on his arm.
"Are you all right?" Raguna wanted to know. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to do all that work on your day off. Are you angry? Is there anything I can do to make it up. . . ?"
Kross kept walking. He refused to stop for the small tugs on his arm, even if he couldn't bring himself to shake Raguna's hand off.
Raguna kept pace with him long enough that he realized there was nowhere he could run to knowing he would have to use force to keep Raguna from following. He stopped on the hill beside Raguna's barn.
The moment he looked back at Raguna he felt he had been defeated in one blow. He allowed Raguna to urge him to stay, so that they ended up sitting side by side on the dry grass.
"I'm not angry." Kross finally said, the words dragged slowly out of him.
Raguna was silent for a minute before trying to explain. "Lute was praising your work this morning, you know. He's right. Everything you build is beautiful. I like living in a house that has your touch in it, and I know the monsters love the barn you built for them."
Kross couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe. Raguna thought about the work he had put into those extensions. Raguna was happy living with his work.
"I'm going to tell Lute to apologize," Raguna decided. "He can't tease you so much just because you don't respond."
Raguna moved to stand up, and Kross grabbed him by the arm before he could think. He barely tugged and Raguna fell back into the grass beside him. He let go immediately as Raguna raised his other hand to rub his shoulder.
The words Lute had said as an innocent jest echoed around his head. 'So strong it's scary.' He could hurt Raguna with nothing more than a lapse of judgement.
"Are you all right?" Raguna asked again. As if Kross was the one who might be hurt.
Kross moved to stand, only to have Raguna grab his arm and pull. He found himself yanked back to the ground, shocked by the strength he only half realized was contained in Raguna's body. Kross raised one hand to rub his own shoulder, although there was only a vague memory of what he should have felt rather than actual discomfort. He forgot sometimes that Raguna was strong too. He only showed his kindness.
"I like spending my holidays with you," Raguna reminded him. "I like your company."
There were moments when Kross himself wasn't sure there was anything more to him than frightening strength, but Raguna acted like he saw more than that.
A guilty gnawing feeling deep inside wanted to be the person Raguna was seeing, the one he was smiling at so encouragingly. If only he could grow into someone else, just being tended by Raguna's hands.
Summer 14
An unexpected commotion outside interrupted Kross's early morning. There was the sound of a great number of running feet and familiar squeaking sounds that he couldn't quite place.
He opened the door in time to see Anette shoot by in a cloud of dust, sprinting towards Raguna's farm without stopping. He only needed to take a step outside to see why she had been in such a hurry. A small flock of Woolys had been chasing her, right up until they spotted him. They tripped over one another trying to stop.
Kross didn't have to do anything. He didn't have time to do anything. The Woolys fled back the way they had come.
This was the normal reaction when Kross encountered monsters, now. This was how things were.
It still hurt.
His mother was always the best in the village when it came to taming monsters, and she had raised him and his sisters to love and respect monsters just as she did. She was the one who tamed and cared for several powerful monsters that helped everyone in the village when it came to removing rocks or tree stumps, as well as keeping her own flock of Woolys. As a child he had snuck into the barn with them when he couldn't sleep. Many times she had found him still there in the morning, asleep in the straw in the middle of the flock.
Kross started the day with a painful hole gnawed under his breastbone. That empty place had been there for years, but some days hurt more than others. He usually tried not to think about the monsters too much, or about his childhood.
Now he remembered how gentle and fearless his mother was. He could see her, bruised and stubborn and yet with endless patience. He remembered how she would coo nonsense to them, as she had when his sister Emery was still a baby. It had felt like a secret language. He had asked her about it once.
"Monsters don't understand words, sweetheart. You have to show them your intentions for them to understand you. If you can show them you are trustworthy then they will trust you."
Kross supposed that now when monsters saw him they understood right away that he was not something they could trust. The distance at which this happened seemed to be growing greater, too.
Bianca and Tabatha were out taking their new monster for a walk when Kross next looked up. Bianca had one hand resting delicately on Francoise's shoulder, and no attention to spare for anything else. Tabatha looked over to nod at him as a little bit of courtesy.
Francoise was more honest, giving a brief snort and a stamp before trying to speed up to get past his farm.
Usually if Kross was contained within his fence he didn't unsettle monsters that passed by. He retreated into his home to wait until Francoise passed back the other way.
He didn't want to be a frightening thing.
As he was waiting someone came to knock on his door, someone much more difficult to scare away.
"Kross? There you are. Is everything okay?" Raguna called as he let himself in.
"Do you need something?"
"No, I just wanted to see you. Are you feeling sick from the heat again? Do you need water?" Raguna reached out as if to steady Kross, though he stopped short of touching him.
Kross closed his eyes for a moment. Raguna was so close Kross could smell him. The scent of a well-tended monster barn clung to his clothes, the musk and muck and the dusty-dry scent of fodder. Today those smells made it difficult to breathe.
"Kross?"
"I'm sorry, but if you don't have work for me than please leave."
"But. . ." Raguna withdrew his hand. Kross noticed how he didn't step back until he had checked that there was water close at hand. He still worried too much.
Kross almost asked him to stay. Raguna's kind hands and the scent on his clothes were as close as Kross was ever going to get. Raguna wouldn't run from him. Being human dulled that instinct.
"You probably want to rest, right? I'll be in my field if you need anything."
"Thank you."
Kross almost reached out and grabbed for Raguna's arm when he tuned to go. He only stopped himself at the last second, and luckily Ragina didn't see the unconscious movement of his hand. He needed time to empty out his heart and make peace with himself. He needed to be alone.
He didn't want to be alone.
Summer 16
Midsummer, and the sun beat down so mercilessly Kross could have believed the pain in his temples came from the edge of a heat axe. There was no time to tend to imagined wounds. He had spent the morning on his roof, tightening up his hurried repairs after the last summer storm, before moving to tend to his field.
Today Raguna came bounding down from the Lava Ruins on his way to visit. He ducked though Kross's house and into his fields with the ease of familiarity.
There were singe marks on his clothes from fighting. There were raw, fresh burns on his skin. The sight of them made something deep inside of Kross turn over, like a heavy rock with something nasty living underneath.
"Are you still working hard, Kross?" Raguna asked him. Even with bruises and burns, Raguna still had energy to be friendly. "Don't forget to take a rest every once in a while. It's gotten really hot this summer."
Summer was always like this. "I don't have any good memories of summer. The choking dust. . . monsters attacking. . . that year was certainly hell."
There had been no water. The crops would have died in the fields. There had been no chance to grow anything. No, that summer had been nothing but fire, drought, and destruction.
Kross bent his head under the relentless force of the sun, and for a moment he was in a haze of heat and dust. The wooden handle of his hoe felt wrong in this place. He tried to fix his eyes on green, but now it made more sense to see his crops as dead things beaten down into the mud.
There was no water. Mud was only found where blood flowed thick enough to hold the dust down.
"Kross?"
The sound of a human voice jolted Kross sideways. He knew Raguna was there but he didn't expect him to approach. He watched Raguna pick his way closer and tried to put him in context. Armor of mis-matched cloth and leather was the mark of a scavenger. His eyes were wide enough to betray fear, but he hadn't taken his weapon in his hands.
Raguna stopped within range of the hoe Kross was clutching but not close enough to touch Kross himself. Kross was afraid his body would wield the tool he was holding in a way for which it was never intended. If the weapon didn't work there was always his hands. Kross tightened his grip on the wooden shaft. His hands seemed more dangerous. He didn't want to hurt the boy standing before him.
He could read fear in every line of tension. Why wasn't the boy running? He was burned. It was only a glancing blow, his skin not charred black by magic fire, but he was burned. There must be worse things than Kross here, but he couldn't hear them over the scream of cicadas.
"It's the heat," Raguna said. His voice became firmer with each word. "Kross, you're feeling sick from the heat. Come cool down, Kross. I'll get you something to drink."
"There's no water," Kross mumbled around the dryness of dust in his mouth. No water, and everything was dying slowly even if they didn't help it along. The smell of carrion-churned mud was so powerful his other senses seemed to fade.
"At least come rest in the shade. Will you let me help you, Kross?"
The name Raguna kept calling cut into his sun-soaked confusion and jarred with the racket of cicadas. The man who belonged to that name wasn't here anymore. The man who had taken that name belonged to another life now.
Raguna didn't belong here, stranded halfway to Hell. Kross dropped the hoe and trusted Raguna to take his arm and guide him until they were standing in a tiny sanctuary of shade that fell along the wall of his house.
Kross slapped his hand flat against the wood, spreading his fingers to touch as much as possible. He knew these walls. He had built this house with his own two hands. He knew the grain of the wood. He knew every joint and nail. Kross sank down, pressing his forehead against the wall. It was something solid to pull himself back to.
"Here," Raguna coaxed. "Drink this."
It wasn't water, but the energy potion was almost as good. It was cool in his mouth and had the slight bitterness of over-steeped tea. Raguna regulated him to small sips at first, while Kross tried to mentally compare the care with that of a medic. He was still grasping for a frame of reference that would fit Raguna properly. It was a small relief when Raguna stopped hanging over him and moved back to allow him to nurse the bottle until it was empty.
"Do you need to see Stella?" Raguna asked him.
Kross shook his head in refusal, but it still helped to hear her name. Stella belonged to Trampoli the same way his house did. Even Raguna's presence was something he could hold on to if he focused on Raguna's voice and avoided looking at the burns on his arm and the side of his face. Raguna only belonged to this part of his life.
When he lifted his head his fields were full of green, growing things. The soil was still damp where he had watered. A glint of metal among the pumpkin vines caught his eye, but it was only his hoe. He had dropped the tool, believing he could use it in the wrong way. He had halfway forgotten that the magic on it would prevent it from harming Raguna.
"Do you need to go to infirmary and lie down?"
"I'm fine."
"You can at least rest inside."
"I'm fine," Kross repeated, as deadpan as the first time. He forced his way to his feet, lifted his head, and found his headache was all but gone. He turned back to his field, back to his work.
"You should rest for a little while, Kross. I've finished everything I need to do today, so I could help."
"I've always recovered quickly," Kross said.
Twice now Raguna had tried to help him, and it felt strange. At least once each summer Kross managed to work himself into collapse under the sun, but it had never mattered before. Usually he was left alone, reeling through his heat-induced delusions until he came back to himself on his own time.
There had been one time Erik had found him and tried to take him to Stella for help. Apparently Kross had actually taken a swing at him with his hoe. He didn't remember clearly. Erik had not approached Kross during his bouts of heat sickness since.
"Please, at least rest for a little longer. You scared me."
"I need to be in my fields." His fields were home. They were the one place he belonged in this world. The green smell of them, the wind rustling through the corn, he could hold on to those things now. Even in the heat of the summer, he would ground himself here.
"I understand," Raguna answered. When Kross looked over at him he was startled once again by the gentle smile he found. "Kross. . . you have to take care of yourself. You know you can always ask if you need anything at all, right? I'll bring you something cool to drink tomorrow too," he promised.
Raguna didn't lurk along the edges of his field, but he didn't go far, either. Until the afternoon cooled into evening every errand seemed to take him by Kross's field, and every time he passed Kross heard his footsteps slow and pause for a moment.
When Kross finally retired for the night he found Raguna had left another energy potion and a plate of gyoza for him. The gyoza had sat out long enough to cool, but the mix of garlic and onion was strong enough to make his eyes water with gratitude. This time he didn't have the chance to thank Raguna for the food. He didn't have to find words to express how important it was to have something good grown from the summer heat.
Raguna must think that those little tokens were all the help Kross would accept. He wasn't wrong, but at the same time it was so much more than Kross could ever ask.
Summer 18
Raguna came to visit bright and early. Kross was so used to his cheerful greeting by now the moment of hesitation before he answered had almost faded from existence.
When Raguna leaned on his fence Kross realized he had one hand hidden behind his back. His faintly sheepish smile left Kross curious, but not wary.
"These remind me of you," Raguna said as he took his hand from behind his back and held a flower out to Kross over the fence.
It was a pink cat, one of the few flowers Kross could name. The petals pinched together into a rough approximation of a cat's face, with pointed ears and stamen for whiskers.
Kross silently accepted it and looked down at the little cat face. The scent was more musky than sweet. For some reason he liked the idea that this particular flower had reminded Raguna of him.
He decided to start with the ears.
"Kross!" Raguna protested, laughing. "Does it taste good?"
Kross paused and plucked one of the petals, making sure to choose one that was unbruised by tooth marks. He offered it to Raguna.
Raguna hesitated, but took it. He looked at it with more seriousness than it could possibly warrant before putting it in his mouth. Almost immediately he made a face.
"It's kind of weird. I guess it doesn't taste bad."
This was a fair assessment. The leaves were rough and unpleasant and the stem was bitter, but the petals tasted how they smelled. The musk lay heavy on the tongue, but not unpleasantly so.
"Are there any flowers you like? Even if it's just because they taste good. Actually, it would be interesting if there's one that's good to eat."
Kross couldn't think of anything. Some crops had flowers, but the flowers weren't the point. Even the sunflowers he was growing were there so he could eat the seeds.
"What about roses? Like in the song."
"The song?" Kross asked, momentarily off balance.
"The one you shared with me." And then Raguna sang in a warm tenor, "Oh please tell me, monsters. Where, oh where, have the lovely monsters gone? Aren't there any monsters that I can relate to, where I want to stick a blue rose into their fluffy fur?"
For just a moment Kross was reminded of another voice that had sung to the monsters every morning and evening. The voice had sounded nothing like Raguna's. It was full of growly, scratchy notes, as if the singer were a monster himself. He had been human enough to understand how much Kross missed the monsters. It was one of those memories that was painful only because it was gone. Kross tried not to look at it as he pushed it away.
"Kross?"
"I didn't expect you to remember," Kross said.
"The monsters love it. It's a sad song, but I think it helps tell them how much I care about them."
"I know," Kross murmured. Yes, the monsters had always loved it. "I think they would know your feelings anyway."
"Maybe you're right, but I think it's best to be clear. I think if you care about someone it's good to let them know every day if you can." Raguna seemed flustered. He was picking at the top bar of the fence as if searching for splinters. "For example, I really want to see you tomorrow. I thought we could maybe. . . I mean, I enjoy seeing you on holidays. I look forward to it."
"That's why the monsters come to care for you and trust you," Kross told him. He chose not to answer Raguna's comment about wanting to see him. He wanted to see Raguna too, of course. He thought he could understand how the monsters felt, but he wasn't about to say that out loud.
Summer 19
Raguna had already finished most of his farming chores when Kross arrived. He was putting away his watering can and pulling out his fishing pole even as he came to greet Kross. Once again he had a monster trailing along behind him, an Elefun that took advantage of his pause to investigate nearby crops. Kross moved carefully so that Raguna was between him and the monster.
"Hello, Kross! I was going to go down to the lake to fish. Would you come with me?"
It was the first time Raguna had invited him anywhere. He tried not to get stuck on that fact, but apparently he took too long to answer.
"I could fish here if you want to stay, but I thought we could cool off at the lake."
Did that mean Raguna's plans hinged on if he wanted to go? Kross was not sure how to respond to that. He knew the monster would be happier if Raguna led it on a nice walk, although he wasn't sure he should be going with them.
The Elefun was not behaving as if he was a threat, or even interesting. Perhaps Raguna's presence was adequate protection.
"Fine," Kross agreed.
He trailed after Raguna like a second monster on the way back past his farm and up along the mountain path. It took several minutes to be sure, but Raguna's Elefun wasn't shying away from him at all. It showed more interest in the things that grew along the side of the path.
It was strange. Kross almost wanted to hold his breath, so as not to ruin the moment. Wild monsters still fled from him. The Elefun that now lived with Bianca and Tabatha never came near him, but the one Raguna had lovingly tamed trotted calmly beside him.
As they crossed the bridge he saw Stella on the grassy slope leading down to the lake. Raguna called good morning to her and hurried forward, pulling a small white flower out of his bag to present to her.
She accepted the toy herb and thanked him in a warm voice before asking, "Have you been growing these on Whale Island?"
Raguna nodded. "Since it's too hot down here now. I asked the Whale about it first."
"I would expect you to be so polite." She smiled at him, and then at Kross. Her knowing smile seemed to imply she expected to see him following at Raguna's heels. "You two enjoy your outing."
Raguna didn't seem to see anything amiss. He escorted Kross down to the dock with a bit of gentle teasing, "I don't have one for you because you ate the last one."
Kross didn't mind. Raguna had already given him the same flower on the last day of spring. It had tasted like mint.
Near the dock there was a grassy area that sloped down into soft mud with a few water weeds. Raguna led Kross here and gave him a smile, as if waiting for his approval.
His Elefun charged ahead of them into the shallow water.
"Edgar, you're going to scare all the fish away!" Raguna followed into the water to rub affectionately behind the monster's ears. The Elefun swished its trunk in the water, splashing Raguna and making him laugh.
Kross stopped right at the water's edge, not wanting to intrude on the beautiful scene. He let out a soft sigh that was almost a laugh.
"What? It's a dignified name." Raguna protested, misinterpreting the fond sound. He looked mildly offended on his monster's behalf, although he then turned to the Elefun and said, with a tone of utmost affection, "Even though you aren't dignified at all, are you? No, you're silly."
Raguna was splashed again and added, "Did you want to cool off?" before splashing back.
Kross knew Raguna wasn't in danger, but he moved without thinking. He put himself between Raguna and his monster the moment before Raguna would have been sprayed in retaliation. It was only cool lake water, and it wasn't sprayed hard enough to do the tiniest bit of damage. The only consequence was that he was soaked.
"Kross!" Raguna cried. He parted the wet curtain of hair so Kross could see again. He was fighting not to smile. "Are you all right?"
"Fine." It hadn't even been an attack. Kross knew he had overreacted. "My body moved before I remembered you were playing."
The smile won, and settled warm on Raguna's face. He pushed back the hair that had fallen over Kross's left eye, fingers smoothing the strands all the way down to the tips. Kross hardly dared to breathe, as if he could be still enough to hold on to the fleeting sensation of having his hair stroked.
It wasn't until Raguna laughed and turned away that Kross dropped his gaze again.
"Edgar, that was rude," Raguna said, though his tone was warm, not scolding at all. "Here, make up with Kross."
To Kross's surprise the Elefun followed Raguna's hand with its nose. The monster couldn't understand his words, but he had learned to lead with his body language. Kross felt he was responding to Raguna with the same instinct. He lifted one hand even before Raguna touched him, and let the tip of the monster's trunk inspect his palm.
Raguna watched over both of them with a smile until his monster got bored with Kross and turned to him again. Raguna happily gave it attention, petting it and cooing kind words until it nuzzled him almost hard enough to knock him over and made him laugh again.
Feeling he was being allowed to witness something good and right with the world, Kross stepped back again. He clenched his hand where he had been gently touched by a curious monster. That touch alone was so rare and precious it verged on impossible.
Kross was glad to sit in the grass and watch the two of them. Edgar wallowed and pulled up water weeds while Raguna attempted to fish. Except then Raguna looked back and caught his eyes.
"Have you ever fished?"
"Once or twice."
"Would you like to try?" Raguna offered him the pole. "Although I don't think there are many fish around now."
"I've only fished with a net."
"Do you mean like pulling a net across a river?"
The river Kross knew from his childhood ran cold and fast, and if anyone had ever tried to fish it with a net he knew nothing about it. The boy who lived on the other side of the river had shared fish with him sometimes, but never offered to teach him.
"It was at a lake like this one. A man I knew a long time ago taught me to cast a net." It was a memory with a flavor like sun-heated metal. Memories of summer were rarely safe to hold.
"How do you do it?" Raguna was waiting with innocent curiosity, winding up his line as he looked to Kross for more.
Kross let out a long sigh. He dragged his hands in the thick grass and knotted it around his fingers. The world wasn't dry and dead. There was water here. He could smell it. His damp hair was cool against his face.
When he looked at Raguna he thought those blue eyes were so much more welcome than the hard summer sky. The sound of cicadas was very far away, somewhere in another life.
There was no net to teach with, but Kross could explain a little about throwing the weighted net so it would flare wide and sink. When they pulled it in again it drew closed to trap their catch.
That net had brought in finger-sized silver fish for them to toast over a weak fire and eat hot. He had said when he was a child those little fish would be bait for hand lines so they could bring in something really big, but at that time. . .
"There wasn't anything else to catch," Kross sighed. "We weren't able to fish together long."
The shallow lake had dried up into cracked mud and the little silver fish had disappeared. The heat had taken away all water and life, that summer.
"Was he a friend of yours? The man who taught you to fish."
It didn't fit to call himself 'friend' to the one who had tamed and guided him through that time, but perhaps there was no other word for it.
Small memories set off others. He remembered that familiar face with stunning clarity, that rough voice, the brash smile that made both of them brave, and eyes the blue of deep water.
"We had some things in common," he finally answered.
Raguna didn't push him for more answers, but came to sit in the grass beside him. Kross was able to enjoy his company, with his memories staying quiet under the peaceful moment he was living.
"I brought something for lunch," Raguna finally said.
He had brought grilled blackfish to share. (When he brought it out he laughed at his failure to catch any more fish that afternoon.) It was cool now, but no less delicious for it.
Edgar quickly perked up and left the water to inspect their lunch. Raguna folded his hand bracingly around Kross's and coaxed Kross to hold up a bite of their food for the hungry monster. He found Edgar needed no coaxing to accept it.
For a moment Kross felt overwhelmed, with a lump in his throat that made it difficult to tell Raguna it was delicious. He wanted to be honest in his intentions the way a monster was. He felt like this was the moment to say something, but he didn't know what.
It was a little bit after the sun peaked overhead that he finally brought himself to stand. He still wanted to keep his habit of visiting the quiet sanctuary of the church.
Raguna only smiled up at him and said, "I'm glad we could come together today."
"I am too," Kross agreed, and he didn't shy away from the warmth of Raguna's smile.
Summer 21
Rosetta might have complained of a draft in her room when she lived here, but she had moved out and into her own place too quickly for anyone to mention it to him. Having Anette move into that old room seemed to have jogged Mist's memory, so that she came out to fetch him without knowing where, exactly, the problem was.
Kross started by inspecting the oldest patches he had put in place. To him they were glaring eyesores, obviously the work of hands unused to carpentry, but they had held fast for many years now.
"Stella said you used to live here too. Was this your room?"
Kross didn't know what he expected to find when he glanced back. Mist only gave him her usual daydreamer's smile. The thing that made him uncomfortable about Mist, he had realized, was that she was in no way being polite. She was kind. If she asked about someone's life it was because she genuinely wanted to know. He should be used to kindness by now. He had started his life here because Stella had taken him in, after all. It was just that the otherworldly feeling he got from Mist made it startling when she noticed him.
"Yes. I lived here until I could build my own house," Kross finally answered. "The carpenter who built the church and this house left a long time before I came here." He was grateful they had left a space for him to fill. He had even built extensions to the church, for the infirmary and Stella's living space, which had left this house vacant for the next person who needed it.
"That's funny. It's strange to imagine the village without Kross in it," Mist commented.
Kross was struck dumb as Mist wandered away and left him to his work. He could hear her humming to herself in the other room.
He wouldn't have expected the other villagers to think like that, even if he did have his role to fill. Being acknowledged by Mist wasn't just surprising. There was an unexpected joy lifting his heart. He had a niche to fill here.
He finally identified the problem, a place where the boards didn't fit together quite right. He had fallen asleep many nights thinking he would fix it, then in the morning found he had too much to do to work on some flaw that wasn't causing trouble yet.
There honestly wasn't much for Kross to do once he knew where the problem was. When he was done it was impossible to tell the flaw had existed at all.
Summer 23
Raguna was watching his face as he looked back and forth between the possible blueprints for an alchemy lab extension. Kross tilted his chin down, hiding his expression behind his hair. Raguna was looking for a tell, trying to discover which one he personally wanted to build, and he couldn't allow that. What if Raguna hated those plans? Raguna had already picked his favorites for the other extensions, but what if he had picked those out the same way? Then his preference meant nothing.
Finally Raguna sighed, laying the plans down. "I don't know. I like all of them. Which one would you pick?"
"You should choose. It's your house. If you don't like them I can draw up more."
"I know, but I like them all. I like having your best work. I mean. . . you know these plans best. So I want to have the extensions you would choose for me."
Raguna was always like this, thinking more of him than he deserved. "You're the one living with them."
"That's why I want to have the one you would choose. I think whatever you choose for me would be best. After all, you're always thinking of the people who will live in the place you're building. Even with the barn you built, I can tell how much you wanted the monsters to be happy there. I'd like you to build something like that for me. Is that selfish?"
It must be selfish. The sentiment was so selfish Kross had no recourse but to pick his best plan out of the pile for Raguna to consider. It was selfish the way Raguna smiled at him and agreed immediately to what Kross wanted to build.
Kross thought he must be even more selfish. He was so happy to build the extension into Raguna's house. He was happy to go to sleep knowing that there was another scrap of himself, his plans and the work of his own hands, built into the place where Raguna lived.
Summer 25 (Ganesha Cup Boat Race)
Raguna must be looking forward to the boat race. Kross couldn't have said how he could tell, since every holiday that he visited Raguna's farm saw him running back and forth, so full of energy that the air around him practically hummed. He had mentioned his interest in competing yesterday, of course.
"Oh, Kross!" He greeted happily. "I'm almost ready to go! Do you want to come too?"
Kross shook his head slowly. He didn't join in these kinds of things. He preferred to stay out of the way, on his own little patch of land. "This year's boat race will be exciting," he sighed to himself.
"Really?" Raguna looked up at him with curious eyes that Kross would have once turned away from. Now he answered them with a wistful fraction of a smile.
"Heh. . . You're the reason why." This was the first time Kross had been interested in the outcome of the race. Every year since Ganesha had started holding it Erik had won easily, often bringing in double the second place score. This year he was in a more competitive mood than ever, making it clear that he was determined to win no matter what.
But Raguna was a wild card, young and strong and almost as competitive as Erik, and with something special to him besides. Kross wanted to see how this would play out.
"Oh. . . okay! I'll do my best to make a strong showing, then!" Raguna promised, before heading off at his usual eager trot.
Kross did want to see, enough that he followed a moment after Raguna. He avoided the rest of the townsfolk gathered at the lake's edge, but stood on the other side of the bridge to watch Raguna's masterful run.
He didn't need to attend the awards ceremony to know who had won, so he made his way back to Raguna's farm out of sheer habit. This was where he spent his holiday mornings, even if Raguna was too busy accepting prizes and praise to be here tending his fields.
While he watched, Raguna's Ant came out of the barn and scuttled across the field to begin harvesting crops. It didn't even seem to notice him standing there. Nothing else in the world might have existed around it. Kross understood, and at the same time he felt jealousy clawing out a little hole in his chest. This Ant had been tamed by Raguna's care. Raguna had asked it to harvest so harvest it would, rain or shine.
As he was watching, Raguna came trotting down the road from the business center. "Oh, you're still here. Guess what? I actually-"
"Congratulations," Kross interrupted. He suddenly didn't want to look around at Raguna. "Who will you give your prize to?" One of the girls in town, surely, though Kross didn't know which one Raguna had his eye on. He'd seen Raguna going to visit Bianca and Tabatha in the huge mansion across from his house to make them feel more welcome, and walking back from the lake in quiet companionship with Cinnamon, and. . . Kross didn't even know about what went on away from his house, with all of the others.
"If you'd like, you can give it to me. . ." Kross heard the words slip out before he'd even realized he intended to say them. No, how could he have ever intended to say them? "I mean, nothing. . ." he sighed. How foolish could he be? Even Raguna wasn't so kind as to offer a gift like that.
"Oh, if you'd like it, you can have it," Raguna answered, to his surprise. "Here you go!"
Kross accepted it without thinking, and stared down at the band holding two perfectly pointed ears. Cat's ears. Not quite as good as a cat tail, but almost close enough, and Raguna had given it to him. "Thank you. . . I will gladly accept it," Kross whispered. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes in the bright light of Raguna's smile, even as he felt his own mouth soften into a smile to answer Raguna's kindness.
"Would you have wanted to be my partner, Kross?" Raguna asked him suddenly as he considered trying the cat ears on right there. "I would have asked you, but I didn't realize that we were supposed to have partners! Turner really kicked up a fuss about me not having one, even though no one else had one, either."
Kross didn't want to tell him. He considered not saying anything as he watched Annie harvest the last of the day's crops and go to Raguna for a few kind words and a pat before scuttling back up to the barn. Raguna might be kind to him, but he wasn't even Raguna's monster. He wasn't Raguna's anything. There was no reason not to tell him.
"You're supposed to have a girl you're dating for your partner," Kross explained.
"Really? Then I guess the two of us couldn't be partners after all. Since we're not. . ." Raguna looked away, fidgeting. "Sorry for misunderstanding. I haven't offended you, have I?"
"No." How could he possibly be offended by Raguna's offer? If it were possible, he would have accepted being Raguna's partner.
Summer 26
Erik was a good neighbor in every way Kross could think of. He was friendly without being too nosey and trying to dig into Kross's life. He was hardworking, competent, and sold the most excellent seeds. When Kross had first come to live in Trampoli Erik had even gone out of his way to offer him not only advice, but a few seeds to start with. Without Erik, he probably would have starved before he learned to grow anything but weeds. Now Erik's first recommendations were the same crops Kross grew every year without fail. If he had to be tied to other people by buying his seeds from someone, Kross could live with buying them from Erik.
Of course, Erik was definitely not perfect. If Kross had to point to one fatal flaw, it would have to be his competitiveness. That was the real reason behind the soft groan and thump he heard that morning just before noon, carried to him on a weak puff of summer breeze. He investigated and found Erik had collapsed in his own fields.
Kross ignored Erik's complaints that it was just a little cold and lifted the farmer in an undignified bundle. He still owed Erik for a lot since he had come to Trampoli, and expanding his house didn't come close enough to repaying that debt for Kross's stubborn scraps of pride.
"See," Erik complained as they passed though Raguna's homestead, "He's not laying around." It was true. Raguna had already finished tending his fields for the day, leaving them tidy and watered before running off on whatever adventure had captured his attention.
Did Erik realize how transparent he was? Raguna had finally beaten him at something, and awakened a fierce pride that Erik couldn't ignore. It wasn't hard to guess when Kross had seen how it happened. Erik had been in such a rush to compete with Raguna's score during the boat race that he had fallen in. Thanks to that he had run out of time with his score far short of even third place. Erik wasn't used to having competition, and even less used to looking like a fool. So he immediately turned his energies to trying to outshine his supposed rival at the one thing he knew best, farming, and quickly overworked himself until he collapsed.
"He doesn't have a cold," Kross pointed out, but he couldn't keep from holding a secret smile to himself. Raguna's fields really were tended beautifully. Erik should be even more proud of that than Kross was. He had been the one dispensing advice and mentoring Raguna at every opportunity, after all.
Erik was silent for a few sulky seconds, and then, "You're smiling. Oh God, put me down before the sky falls because Kross is smiling."
Kross wondered if Erik realized he might be the only one alive, other than Stella, who could get away with that kind of teasing without wiping the smile right off of Kross's face for the next year. How long had it been since he'd last smiled? A season or two. . . ? No, he suddenly realized, it was only yesterday. Raguna had made him smile yesterday. Raguna was always trying to tempt smiles out of him.
"Well, at least you're happy to see our new neighbor thriving," Erik decided. It put him in a better mood about Raguna's success, at least until they reached the church and he was distracted by something else. "Look, don't take me into the infirmary like this. I'll give you some money for cold medicine or something, just leave me outside."
Kross had never been as good a neighbor as Erik. He carried Erik into the infirmary under Lara's worried gaze.
"What happened? Oh, dear. Lie down and rest a minute and I'll get you some medicine!" The young sister stood up so suddenly she knocked several medicines off of the shelves and had to gather them up in a rush.
Erik tried to glare at him while Lara's back was turned, but he wasn't able to sustain his anger when she moved to check on him.
"I told everyone to be careful and not fall in during the boat race, didn't I?" Lara scolded. She lifted one hand to Erik's forehead to feel for fever and paused for a moment with her face as pink as his. She didn't have the excuse of fever to blame it on.
Kross knew well enough to step out of the infirmary and let the pair recover on their own. Hopefully Erik would figure out that he didn't need to compete with Raguna so much.
Of course, if Raguna knew Erik had collapsed he would be terribly upset. He had taken to bringing Kross something cool to drink and reminding him not to overwork himself not just when he asked for an extension, but on any particularly hot day. Kross didn't think Erik's competitive streak could stand up to Raguna worrying about him like that.
Summer 28
Since the boat race Raguna had taken to hurrying up the mountain path and into the lava ruins early in the morning, not returning until well after Kross had retired from his work for the day. Kross would have let him in if he stopped to knock, but now he was too busy even for that.
It didn't make sense to feel alone without Raguna's visits. As long as Kross chose to live this way, he wouldn't be able to avoid being tied to other people. He still depended on Erik for seeds, after all. As the afternoon heat eased and he finished his work for the day it seemed like the proper time to tend to that chore so he would be ready for the coming autumn.
Today Erik wasn't alone tending to his shop. Lute was leaning against the counter with a disassembled seed maker spread between them, discussing replacement parts. Kross hesitated in the doorway, trying to be invisible until they had finished.
"Hey, neighbor." Erik's cold and the accompanying petulance both seemed to have been effectively cured by a stay in Lara's infirmary. He didn't allow Kross to lurk, leaving his conversation with Lute to fetch seeds from the shelves. "Same order as last year?"
Kross approached the counter. "Yes."
His subdued response didn't deter Erik in the slightest. "The seed yams will only need to cure for another day or so. Plant each one in a mound about two hands tall and three times that across, then as far as watering. . ."
Kross nodded silently in acknowledgment. Erik's advice was often vague, changing with growth patterns and weather, yet when pressed he always seemed to have an explicit answer. When Kross had questioned his measurement system he had clarified it as 'the width of your hand, held flat, including your thumb,' as if the advice was precisely tailored for Kross.
By now Kross had a general idea of what Erik was going to tell him about the coming autumn. This was part of living in Trampoli, another step in the schedule of the seasons. It was familiar, at least until something extra slipped into the stream of advice.
"And remind Raguna when you see him, the season is almost over. He needs to pick up his seeds."
"Worrying about your protégé?" Lute asked, long before Kross had any idea how to respond. It was a small reprieve as he diverted Erik's attention. "I'm glad you're looking after him. He's nice."
"You like anyone who gives you chocolate."
While Lute was laughing at that, Kross managed to respond, "I doubt I'll be able to tell him." He probably wouldn't even see Raguna until the next holiday, if then.
"He stops to talk to you every day, doesn't he? Just remind him."
Kross didn't know how they had gotten the idea that Raguna was so close to him, but he couldn't seem to convince them otherwise. As he left, carrying his necessary seeds but more weighed down with confused thoughts, Lute called after him to take good care of Raguna. Kross could have sworn he meant it.
Summer 29
It was late afternoon and a cool breeze was sweeping down from the mountain when Kross lifted his head at a trudging, unfamiliar gait approaching from the mountain path. He expected to see a stranger, perhaps someone seeking Turner's inn. Instead he found Raguna standing in the road, momentarily doubled over to pant for breath. Scorch marks decorated his leather gloves and tunic. A raised welt ran down the exposed skin of one arm. The dirt smeared across his forehead and cheek was mixed with blood.
Kross moved faster than he could think, rushing to Raguna's side and catching him by the shoulders when he startled and stumbled.
"Kross?" In spite of his wounds, a smile flitted easily across Raguna's face. "I did it, and look what I found!"
Raguna might think the stone tablet he had recovered was worth days hunting through the Lava Ruins, but Kross was more concerned with the blood still oozing from a wound the cut across his forehead. Raguna's battles deep in the ruins had left their marks, and that was all Kross could focus on.
"I should talk to Stella. She might know what this is. I'm sure it's important for something."
Raguna straightened himself up again, but Kross wasn't going to let him walk away still bleeding. "I warned you to be careful, and now you're injured anyway."
"I'm not injured. I'll be fine."
The excuse was so clumsy Kross couldn't even call it a lie. The sight of Raguna's injuries didn't knock him off balance the same way it had when he was already sick from the heat, but the wrongness of it still chewed on his nerves.
"Let me help you." That was what Raguna had said to him before, and he was relieved to find Raguna was willing to listen to the request.
When he pulled Raguna's arm over his shoulders he didn't even get a token protest. Raguna leaned his weight into Kross and allowed himself to be supported into Kross's house.
Caring for Raguna took all of his attention. He bandaged the wound on Raguna's head after a careful inspection. He washed minor cuts and burns with energy potion to numb them and speed the healing process. He even went so far as to feed Raguna. A few days ago he had cut the sunflowers he grew in front of his house and hung them to dry, just in time to have seeds ready to offer Raguna. (Raguna was delighted by this, not only regaining his stamina but perking up happily at what was apparently a brand new treat for him. Any other time Kross would have basked in that happiness.)
Raguna thanked him, offering the words again and again in response to each small effort, yet he wouldn't stay in Kross's care. He wouldn't even let Kross run his errands once Kross reminded him that it was nearly the end of the season. He would have fetched the seeds Raguna needed from Eric, even if it meant reenforcing that mistaken impression that he was connected with Raguna.
The need to care for Raguna was unfamiliar and yet came to him naturally. He wanted to return the favor for the times Raguna had looked after him. More importantly, he found he needed to see Raguna safe and well.
That didn't explain why he couldn't stop his hands from shaking once Raguna had left him. He kept feeling Raguna's hair between his fingers, stiff and sticky with drying blood. He knew the next time he saw Raguna the blood would be washed away. He knew, and yet he didn't think he would be able to rest until he saw it for himself.
Summer 30 (Pumpkin Festival)
"Kross, aren't you joining in the pumpkin festival?"
The vision that confronted Kross was one he had never thought to see. A pumpkin-headed monster in his fields, when monsters were too afraid to come near him.
Kross had to draw in a sharp breath, not knowing what to say. What could he possibly say? Raguna was here pretending to be a monster. He felt his cheeks heating in a blush of confused pleasure. "D-do you want to build e-extensions?" he mumbled, because what other skills did he have to offer?
Raguna removed the pumpkin head. "It's just me! I didn't scare you, did I?"
No, he could never be scared by something like that, but it was certainly something he'd never dreamed.
"No. It looks good on you. . ." Kross whispered.
Raguna made a face at him. "I guess I should take that as a compliment? Even if you think I look better with a mask."
It didn't matter if his face was covered or not. It didn't matter that Raguna wasn't really a monster. He was here, whole and safe, and that was the most important thing. Kross might have explained, but he doubted either of them could hear over the sound of his pounding heart.
