Autumn comes, Brodik appears, and Kross finally realizes just how badly he's falling for Raguna. (Me while writing summary: It takes them 30,000 words to kiss. That counts as slow build, right?)

Spoiler warning here that this will eventually cover all of Kross and Brodik's storyline.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading and I hope you enjoy the new chapter! I should have the last 2 chapters up before the end of April!


Autumn - Season of Memory

Autumn 1

Kross woke earlier than usual on the first day of Autumn to a commotion outside of his home. He couldn't make out words, but he placed Raguna's mild voice easily. The louder voice was unfamiliar, but since Raguna did not sound alarmed Kross allowed himself to take that as a good sign.

When Kross left his house he was immediately accosted by a rough stranger.

"I was told you're the only carpenter in town. I want you to build me a house as soon as possible."

Kross recognized the voice that had shouted at Raguna earlier, but his brain was busy scrambling with other details. He knew the shape of that tattoo. It was the mark adopted by a select few special agents of the Zzyzx empire. He had seen it on sword hilts and armor, and once blazoned blood-red on a banner, but never inked into skin.

"Are you listening?"

"I have a previous engagement." Kross pulled away from himself, leaving his body to speak for him.

"I'm only staying here long enough to deal with some business. Even a small shack is enough, and I don't care about the cost. Right over there is fine," he went on, pointing down the hill to an open patch of land across from Erik's farm.

"The inn is up that road." The words were thick and heavy in Kross's mouth, but he had used them before on strangers and had them go away.

"No, I need my own space to work. I'm looking for someone in the area."

'Looking for someone,' buzzed in Kross's ears, trying to get at him. There was only one reason to send a monster hunter this far out into the frontier. For those who kept the peace by dealing with rampaging monsters, there was only one thing worth hunting here.

He didn't want to cooperate. He wanted to be away. If he hadn't been guilty to his bones, Kross might have answered that he was late to see his neighbor, that his unspoken engagement with Raguna was worth more to him than any threat or bribery. But he was guilty, so guilty that it would show through the thin shield of his hair if he stood there long enough.

Kross wished he knew how to build something poorly, how to fit the walls together so that wind could whip in through the cracks, how to set a roof primed to come down at the first moaning of a storm. He didn't. Even the low shack came together neat and sturdy as if that was what Kross was striving for.

Then he was somehow free to make his way to Raguna's farm.

Raguna asked if he had met the newcomer to the village. Apparently his name was Brodik. If he had introduced himself Kross's brain had been hanging on to that symbol too tightly to find the individual behind it.

"He said he was looking for someone named 'Weber.' Was there ever someone in the village with that name?" Raguna asked.

He had known that was the only possible answer, and yet the name was like the final breath to seal a curse.

Kross hardly knew what he said when he answered Raguna's offers for conversation. All he had left were words he had said somewhere before. No one wanted to grow dead grass, words for the end of a season, not the beginning. He had curled himself up in a quiet place inside his head and he didn't want to leave, not for any number of kind words.

Autumn 2

Once again the first thing Kross heard in the morning was Brodik's raised voice and Raguna's calm one outside his house. He wondered if the same day would repeat until Brodik finally saw through his thin disguise.

After a moment of quiet while Kross strained his ears, there was a knock on his door that he recognized as belonging to Raguna. He opened it just a crack, enough to be sure of the smiling face that greeted him.

"Good morning, Kross! I hope it's not too early for me to visit."

"It's fine." Kross's voice was hoarse from unspoken stress. He hoped that would pass without comment as he let Raguna inside.

"How are you? I was worried you didn't feel very well yesterday, so I wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine," Kross answered. He felt faintly stunned by Raguna's concern, even now.

"I'm glad. Of course, you can still have the breakfast I brought for you, if you like it."

Kross surprised himself by finding a smile to answer Raguna's beaming face. He cleared space on the table for them to eat together.

"I'm excited to start cooking with some Autumn ingredients. The mushrooms are from my field. Well, I guess I don't get to brag about that!"

Raguna served him sweet rice, still hot. Kross could at least offer the praise that it tasted good. He didn't have words to explain the comfort he found in the food.

While they ate Raguna shared his hopes for the new season. The wind already brought a comfortable cool after summer's heat. There would be new crops, new festivals, even new constellations he hoped to see. Kross found he loved seeing the familiar season appear so fresh and new in Raguna's eyes.

"Oh, Kross? I noticed Brodik is living right next door to you now. If you were thinking of giving him something to welcome him, it seemed to annoy him when I gave him food. He said he was going to give it to someone else."

Kross just sighed. Raguna didn't seem to realize it wouldn't have occurred to him to offer gifts unless a neighbor was obviously having difficulty. Even then he didn't want to encourage Brodik to stay.

Raguna laughed in response. "If you built his house, that's a much better welcome! I feel like every time I've talked to him so far there's been a misunderstanding. The first time he even thought I was someone else. I don't want him to feel unwelcome because of me."

Kross stopped eating. He felt momentarily paralyzed between a flash of horrible premonition and how utterly unconcerned Raguna seemed. What if Brodik somehow settled on Raguna as the one he was seeking?

"Is Brodik troubling you?" he asked carefully. The only encounters he knew of between the two of them had resulted in shouting on Brodik's side.

"No. I think we got off to a bad start, but I'm sure it will work out."

Kross allowed himself to believe that. There was no reason for anyone to wish any ill against Raguna, after all. There was no way to mistake Raguna for the man Brodik was looking for. One look at Raguna's face should be enough to know that.

Dread still found a small space to crawl in under his heart. Kross had never had the gift of foresight. He hoped that would be true now as well, and his premonition would come to nothing.

Autumn 4

For most of the morning, Brodik had been wandering the south district. When Kross finally moved from the back of his field to tend the front, Brodik seized the opportunity to accost him over the fence.

"Tell me about your neighbor."

Kross kept his head down, focusing on extricating a few stubborn weeds without damaging the new roots of the yam they was trying to grow on top of. He'd forced himself to think about this the last few nights. He didn't want to incite a confrontation if Brodik somehow didn't guess who he was. He didn't want to resort to violence, and goading Brodik into a fight would cause trouble for the whole village.

"If you want to buy seeds he should be available now."

There was a beat of silence before Brodik caught on to his meaning. "Not that one. I'm asking about Weber."

Kross was ready. He didn't flinch at the name. He didn't leave himself open to attack. He only directed a mental prayer towards Stella protesting that he was not lying when he said, "I don't have a neighbor who goes by that name."

"Tell me about the young man who calls himself Raguna. He cornered me in front of your house the other day saying he wanted to welcome me," Brodik finally clarified.

"He's very kind." Kross had spent hours thinking about what he should say and he still didn't know. It seemed so obvious to him that Raguna could not possibly be anyone Brodik could have come hunting.

"How long has he lived here, anyway?"

That was something half the village could tell him. Kross couldn't lie when he knew Raguna would answer the question honestly.

"He came here earlier this year, on the second day of Spring. Everything thawed then." It had been warm. Kross sighed, surprised at how warm and pleasant he remembered the spring sun being. He quickly added, "I believe he came from a place called Kardia." Or at least he had lived there alongside Mist for a short time. Kross had asked her about it, to save himself from having to say certain things.

"I heard he claims to have lost his memory."

Kross couldn't answer. He had hoped Bodik wouldn't find that out, even if Raguna himself would never think to hide it. His brain was a frantic mess even as he extracted long taproots from the soil with steady hands. At least he didn't have to pretend he needed to focus on the task at hand. If he left even a fragment of root in the ground he would be back digging up the exact same weeds in a few days.

Brodik leaned on Kross's fence, staring towards Raguna's homestead in silence for far too long before he asked, "Doesn't that bother you? I mean, he could be anybody."

Kross's heart froze in an instant. Every promise that such a mistake couldn't possibly happen shattered all at once.

"Doesn't it bother you having to do that by hand when someone else has monsters doing their work?"

"He works hard to care for those monsters. He's a patient and kind young man to raise them so well."

'He's nothing like I was back then,' Kross wanted to say. 'If you know anything about Weber you will know Raguna is nothing like him.'

"It sounds like you're fond of him."

Kross finally lifted his head, but Brodik was looking away towards Raguna's farm again. Of course he was fond of Raguna. Everyone was fond of Raguna.

"That's unacceptable," Brodik growled under his breath as he pushed off the fence and walked away. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be heard, because he called a more normal goodbye back to Kross.

For a moment Kross let himself think that no matter how much guilt he carried, no one had a right to pass judgement on that fondness except Raguna himself. It was a precious feeling to Kross, one rooted too deep in his heart to get rid of now.

As he cleared the other patches of weeds out of his field Kross had time to wonder: if Raguna knew his identity, would he show the same kindness to Kross that he did now?

More important than those painful daydreams was the fear he couldn't separate himself from. It seemed Brodik was determined to make a mistake about Raguna's identity. Kross would have to watch him carefully. He could not allow harm to come to Raguna.

Autumn 7

A rainy holiday meant he couldn't spend his morning at Raguna's farm. Even under the calming rush of rain, Kross felt the loss in not seeing him.

He knew it wasn't impossible that Raguna would visit, but a sort of melancholy had come over him. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with himself, but found he wanted to go somewhere. With no better destination in mind, he found himself heading for the bath house.

Kross was in the habit of washing himself at home where it was private and the water was cool. He hadn't been to the bathhouse since the day he built it. Melody didn't seem to mind his long absence. She welcomed him cheerfully.

There was no one else in the changing room, and Kross was grateful. He felt awkward just being there, but at least he was alone. Then he stepped into the bath and found Raguna already there, and he almost turned around and left.

"Kross!" Raguna greeted him happily, and he actually backed up by a step. "Oh, sorry. Um. . . There are thinner towels over there for modesty, if you want one."

Kross hesitated. He wasn't sure he was comfortable showing any of his skin to Raguna. The old scars on his body were a part of him he suddenly didn't want Raguna to notice. He could suddenly feel the ragged scar that stretched across his stomach pulling at his skin.

It was too late to hide himself. Raguna had politely averted his eyes, but he had already seen the marks Kross would have preferred to keep hidden. Covering them or running away now wouldn't erase that fact.

He had wanted to see Raguna. After a moment of indecision, Kross silently joined Raguna in the bath. He wondered if it would be better to say something rather than waiting in dread for questions. The wounds hadn't been that serious (most of them), but magic had gotten into them and chewed them open so they didn't heal right.

Instead of asking any of the obvious questions, Raguna looked at his face and surprised him with something else. "I'm glad I get to see you here today, Kross."

It should have been the same sentiment as any day, but the situation felt different. Kross sank down and put his face under the water. A moment later he felt a light touch and the top of his head and lifted his face again.

"Don't forget to breathe," Raguna teased gently. "Do you mind if I stay here with you for a little while?"

That seemed like enough of a reason for Kross to make himself as comfortable as he could and stay for a little while himself.

He was aware of Raguna looking over at him and then quickly looking away again, though the red in his cheeks must have been from the heat. Curious, Kross returned the glance. Raguna's skin was marked with traces of newly-healed wounds but not marred by permanent scars.

"It's nice to come on a rainy day, isn't it? It's so warm, and the sound of the rain is soothing."

Kross let out a soft sigh, turning his eyes away from Raguna and down at the tile lining the bath. It had been his first time laying tile like that, neater and more delicate than building with stone, and he had enjoyed the experience.

"I don't like hot baths." His head was starting to ache already.

"Don't let Melody hear you say that," Raguna laughed. "That must be why I never see you here. Did you come when it first opened?"

"No. A long time ago I was taken to steam baths. The steam makes me feel like I can't breathe," Kross confessed.

"You don't have to stay if you don't like it," Raguna reassured him. "Is it better with water and not just steam? I always thought hot water was good to relax your muscles after a long day."

"For me, the cool rain does more to relax my mind." The hot water was a little better than he remembered. It might be that he was distracted by the company.

He was making sure not to stare at Raguna and make him uncomfortable, but when Raguna went a while without speaking he looked over and found Raguna was in much worse shape than he was.

Raguna's face was red, his eyes glazed, breath coming in soft pants. He needed to get out of the heat and steam, Kross realized, too late. Raguna's legs buckled and he fell to his knees. "I can't. . ." his voice came out as a gasp before he hit the water with a splash.

Kross fished him out immediately. He needed to hold himself steady with Raguna in his arms, but he couldn't. He nearly dropped Raguna before he had him out in the cool air of the changing room. Had he caused this by distracting Raguna and making him stay in the bath longer?

Even as Raguna stirred and gave him a sheepish smile, he could only seem to cradle Raguna in his arms. He thought he should lay Raguna down somewhere to recover, but his body wasn't obeying.

Melody hurried in before he could figure out what to do.

"I thought it was you again. I keep telling you not to stay in so long," she scolded Raguna. Then she looked past him and exclaimed, "Kross, you're all red!"

Kross flinched. He automatically tried to fold himself up smaller, to hide himself behind Raguna.

"Help him get dried off and I'll get both of you something to drink."

Luckily Raguna was already recovering enough to towel himself off. He did lean on Kross, but didn't ask him to take any liberties. When he was steady enough to stand on his own and change back into his clothes Kross immediately imitated him, ready to escape the bathhouse altogether.

Raguna stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. His face was still flushed from the heat, but on him it mimicked a little glow of exertion, not like Kross's skin printed with red vivid enough to show the water line.

"Kross, your hair is still soaked. Let me grab a fresh towel for you."

Too weak to refuse, Kross found himself sitting on the wooden bench in the changing area while Raguna stood over him, toweling his hair. The feeling of hands rubbing his scalp through the thick towel was more relaxing than anything he could remember. Kross let his eyes fall almost closed. He wanted to purr. He couldn't find a more eloquent way to express his pleasure.

"You need to take care of yourself after a bath too." Melody stepped back into the room, carrying two glasses of water. Raguna turned to thank her, and Kross couldn't help feeling disappointed at losing the touch of Raguna's hands. Melody took his sigh another way. "Sorry you had to cut your bath short, but I'm glad I don't have to pull Raguna out myself this time! Don't take so long to come back again."

A very small part of Kross wanted more time with Raguna, but his head was aching and his skin was still sensitive from the heat. "I don't like the steam," he informed the floor. Any disappointed faces were hidden by the towel.

"You should have said something earlier! Just come back when it's not raining and you can use the outdoor bath. I thought it was something like that."

Surprised by that last comment, Kross lifted his head to find Melody smiling at him. "Everyone has their perfect bath temperature, so you must like it when it's not too hot, right?"

Kross gave a slow nod. He hadn't expected that to be an acceptable preference, but apparently at her bathhouse it was.

Autumn 8

Kross knew the schedules of a few of the villagers. At least he knew when they went to visit Erik or passed him on their way to the lake, and what little he saw while working on his roof. He knew Rosetta went to check Raguna's shipping box every afternoon, but it wasn't normal for her to still be there after six. Raguna didn't seem to be there to distract her from her work, either.

After Brodik's sudden arrival disrupted the new season, Kross had become extremely sensitive to changes in any familiar routine. This was far enough from usual for him to investigate.

Once he crossed the bridge into Raguna's homestead the problem became obvious. Raguna's shipping bin was filled with rocks, and Rosetta was struggling to get them out again.

His suspicions immediately centered on Brodik. It was true that Brodik had done no worse than be rude to Raguna as far as he could see, but who else had shown even a hint of animosity towards Raguna?

He hadn't moved to confront Brodik himself. Kross thought the least he could do would be to try to do damage control for Raguna.

"Hi." Kross wasn't sure what to say, exactly, but he thought he should at least greet Rosetta before trying to work beside her.

Rocks the size of Woolys filled the shipping box. Rosetta had already cleared most of the smaller ones used to fill the gaps between them, leaving them in a pile beside the box. Kross reached for one of the larger rocks.

"Good afternoon. You didn't come over here just to clean out Raguna's shipping box, did you?"

Kross set the rock down on the grass, trying to decide if she thought he was doing something wrong. He sighed. "Raguna wouldn't be happy with this." Not the mess, and definitely not knowing Rosetta had been left to clean it up alone.

"Well, if you want to help I'm not going to stop you!"

Kross felt a definite relief hearing that, but still kept his head down.

Between the two of them they made quick progress. Kross had to climb inside the box itself to get the largest rocks out. Some were awkward to grab in the narrow space. He lifted the first one and then looked at Rosetta's outstretched hands with concern. She was only human and he certainly didn't know her strength.

"It's fine. I have to handle everything people decide to ship out every day, after all."

Kross handed the rock over and Rosetta heaved it to one side, hard enough that it rolled until it landed in the stream. She watched it come to rest with an air of self-satisfaction that made Kross proud of her human strength as well.

"I can't believe Raguna would fill his shipping box with rocks of all things. I don't know what he was thinking."

"He wouldn't. Someone else. . ." Kross trailed off. He wanted to defend Raguna, but would naming who he thought of as the obvious culprit get Raguna in more trouble? He couldn't say he had seen it happen. He had never been good at village politics.

"Who else would do it? Honestly. Everyone likes Raguna, and anyway if someone wanted to bully him they'd put the rocks in his fields, not somewhere for me to deal with."

Kross was silent, but there was a bad feeling creeping through him as he kept working. Raguna worked so hard in his fields. He hated the thought of that as the next step. He was going to move the rocks far away when they were done. No reason to make anything easier for Brodik.

"I know Raguna always means well but he can do the silliest things sometimes." Rosetta paused to guide another rock into their growing pile, then added, "Don't worry. I'm not that mad at him."

Kross looked up and found Rosetta giving him that same satisfied smile. "Oh, were you worried?"

He didn't know how to answer that.

"You're a surprisingly considerate person, Kross. I'm going to tell Raguna he owes you one."

"Please don't."

Kross ducked his head down to focus on dealing with the last rock. It dominated the box, larger than Rosetta and probably weighing three times as much. He could handle the weight but the size made it difficult to get a grip in the small space.

He had no idea how Brodik had gotten it in the box in the first place. He hadn't seen any hints so far that the other man possessed more than human strength, but he couldn't overlook this new potential danger.

At the bottom, crammed up in one corner, were the few goods Raguna had actually placed in the box. There was no produce today, but a small collection of things he had made himself: a pair of silver bracelets, a knit scarf, and a hat with a jaunty bird feather. Kross picked up the pile with great care and passed everything to Rosetta.

"At least I have something to take back now. Thank you. You've been a big help."

Kross climbed out of the shipping box as Rosetta was turning to start back.

"By the way, you should come by Materia sometime. Don't be such a stranger."

". . . Thanks." Kross wasn't sure she heard him.

He turned his attention to moving the rocks well away from Raguna's fields, where they wouldn't be easily collected for some new bit of mischief. He wanted to focus on that, on some small penance to make up for this happening at all.

Even focusing on Raguna, Kross's mind kept cycling back to Rosetta until he understood why her words stuck in his head. It was her treating him like he was a natural part of the village. He had been apprehensive that he would be overstepping some boundary by offering help, but now that was gone.

It felt off to be given the suggestion that he belonged here at a time like this, and yet Kross held the small comment close to his heart.

Autumn 10

Whenever it rained in Trampoli it was always a good, soaking rain that lasted through the day. Kross already anticipated how the sound of it washing over the roof would welcome him into dreamless sleep. From the first day he arrived in Trampoli the rain had given him a feeling of peace.

Back then it was a struggle to grow anything. Erik had been grim surveying his field in the mornings. They used expensive formulas when they could get them, trying to get a harvest before the crops withered and died in the fields. The land was near barren without spirits, they were told, and all they could do was keep tending it and hope it would revive.

Year by year Kross learned how to farm. Year by year he saw the changes as spirits slowly returned to the land. Now, Runeys appeared in every part of the village and Kross could coax a healthy harvest from his fields each season. In the last season there had been such an increase in Runeys that crops had started growing faster than even Erik had ever seen.

Kross paused outside his front door to watch the colored lights, eerie in the rain. The land had revived around him and sometimes he felt it had revived him as well.

On his way to the church he saw Brodik loitering near Raguna's home in spite of the weather, and even under the sound of the rain, a sense of foreboding settled once again in Kross's heart.

From the moment he found a name to give Stella, Kross had decided to settle and build his life here. He still carried who he had been and what he had done, but he considered the bond to his past severed. He would never go back to that life. He had actually let himself believe his past wouldn't come looking for him after all this time.

If only the Empire had forgotten how difficult it was to kill things like him. Any man should have been dead ten times over before reaching this new land and starting a new life. Kross couldn't lay himself to rest so easily. He was still struggling to be reborn even once.

Stella greeted him and spoke a few words of prayer for her audience of one. Her presence lent a sense of peace to the atmosphere of the church.

Kross was left to meditate on her words, on the sound of rain, on himself. He got stuck on the last one. He knew the person he had decided to be. He had believed in the foundation he had built himself on. Why did he feel so wrong simply knowing that someone thought Weber was still alive to find?

Why now? The summer was over. The threat of heat sickness had passed for another year. Why this reminder?

"What if I said I was a monster?" Kross asked, of himself or Stella or the rain, he wasn't sure.

"Hm." Stella gave him a long look, appraising but not unkind. "I seem to remember Raguna having several monsters on his farm. All of them are quite well behaved, even if they don't seem to like the church."

"It's the acoustics," Kross mumbled. It took him a few seasons to get used to it himself. Echoes met each other across the space of the vaulted ceiling like no other place he knew. Innocent sounds touched the back of his neck and made him jump. It was always easier to be here with the rain to dull them.

Stella must have been waiting for more, but he realized too late and the silence settled on him too thick to shake off.

"I am prepared to accept you as a monster, Kross," Stella finally said.

"Not that kind of monster. If only I could become like that." The closest Kross had come was to be a monster in name, a frightening and unstoppable thing. He wasn't the sort of monster that knew itself and lived on instinct, so he wasn't the sort of monster that could be tamed.

"Do you want to become like a monster, Kross?" Stella asked. She was sharp enough to hear his agreement in the silence. "Then think about the qualities of monsters that you believe are missing in your own life. Find the qualities that you wish to emulate. We are meant to grow in many directions. Even if you cannot become a monster, you can always grow as a person."

Was he a person? Sometimes he didn't feel human enough to live with humans. "Humans don't live through things like that." He'd said that to himself so many times he wasn't sure if he said it out loud or not. It was easier to think of himself as something removed, not fully human anymore. He could make better sense of himself that way.

"Humans are resilient," Stella said. Maybe she was answering his words or maybe she had sensed them, or maybe this had always been part of the sermon for today. "We all have the capacity to grow and change, and it is our responsibility to use that to better ourselves. Kross, be thankful you have an idea of what you want to become. You have a path. Even if following it becomes difficult, you have started to see the person you want to become. You are not alone. We all must find ways to grow."

'We,' Stella said, lending him a fragment of her sturdy self. Kross wasn't sure he felt that much more human, but he felt more part of the world she inhabited. He was recognized as part of Trampoli still, and that was one step to ground him once again in the life he had built.

Autumn 11

If Raguna was under any strain thanks to his new neighbor he was doing a very good job of hiding it. He greeted Kross as cheerfully as ever, as if their lives in Trampoli were continuing uninterrupted.

Along with offering his company, Raguna brought chestnut buns to share. Kross realized he could tell by the tone of Raguna's excitement that this must be a brand new recipe, and made sure to praise it properly. It was a little surprising just how happy Raguna was to be told that he enjoyed it. Kross ended up with an extra bun pressed into his hands, which was not unwelcome.

"I keep meaning to ask, Kross, when is your birthday? I'll bring you something, if that's okay."

It didn't matter anymore when his birthday was. Every day was meant to be the same. It was a mystery to him why Raguna would even want to know. "I don't have a birthday because I don't remember it," he finally answered.

"I didn't think you knew how to joke, Kross," Raguna teased, but his expression was still hopeful.

"What day did you come here?" Kross asked, even though he could never forget that day. He had a clear memory of the moment, standing out in front of his house to warm himself in the sunlight when Raguna rushed unexpectedly into his quiet world.

"The second day of Spring."

"What a coincidence. That day is also my birthday. On that day, another man left and I came here to live."

Raguna regarded him with a thoughtful look, but didn't argue. It was true, as much as anything could be true. The life he lived had started on the second day of spring.

It was also true that on that day the Kross who lived every day exactly the same, wishing that each turn of the seasons would bring him nothing new, had gone away. The day Raguna had come into his life also marked a change, one he was still reeling from. It was part of his rebirth here in Trampoli.

Autumn 13 (Harvest Festival)

The weeds and debris that accumulated in every field overnight weren't there when Kross woke up. He didn't think too much of it until he reached Raguna's farm.

Raguna's field was in worse shape than it had been after their last storm. He had clearly spent the first few morning hours cleaning up, but there was still a mess of weeds, rocks, and large branches scattered across the field, and some of his crops had been destroyed. When Kross arrived he was in the middle of chopping apart a tree stump that had somehow planted itself in the middle of his bell peppers.

In spite of the damage, Raguna looked up and smiled as he greeted him. "Good morning! I've got a mess to clean up right now, but I'll be over in a minute."

Kross didn't ask what had happened. He thought Raguna would be unwilling to voice any suspicions on that front. He had thought from the first time they met that Raguna was a straightforward young man, but Brodik had revealed one streak of dishonesty.

Without taking time to think about the action, Kross moved away from his usual spot and stepped into the field. He didn't trespass into the section where Raguna had planted his autumn crops, but the area Raguan had left clear to encourage the growth of wild herbs and grasses seemed safe. He began to gather the weeds that had been scattered instead of useful plants.

"You don't have to do that," Raguna protested. "It's your day off. I can clean it up."

"No. . . I think some of these are mine," Kross answered. He wondered how many fields Brodik had cleared of debris just to dump it all on Raguna in the night.

"What do you mean?"

When Kross couldn't answer, Raguna accepted that.

"I don't mean to be ungrateful. Thank you for your help."

Kross looked over at what had been done to Raguna's crops. He ran his gaze over broken eggplant stems and tender spinach crushed under rocks, and he knew he couldn't do anything to repair the damage that mattered.

For a short time Kross almost felt like a monster. He was working for someone who had cared for him and earned his trust. He was focused on one task and nothing else. When there were no weeds left he started to gather scattered branches.

By the time he gathered an armful of wood to carry back to Raguna's lumber pile, Brodik had stolen his usual place at the edge of Raguna's field.

Raguna was already making his way over to talk to Brodik. Even with the damage that had been caused he still had the self control to greet Brodik politely.

Brodik did not return the favor. "What is this? You can't even take care of your own fields? You're even forcing someone else to do your work for you! What kind of farmer forces a neighbor do their work? No one would actually want to help someone like you! You don't deserve to be in this village! Get out of here!"

So far Brodik had made no attempt to harm Raguna directly, and from his comments (often loud enough for Kross to hear from his own fields) it seemed the harassment meant he was unwilling to drive Raguna out of the village by violence. Kross didn't want to fight if he could avoid it, but here Raguna was being berated right in front of him.

Kross tried to focus on the distance between them and how quickly he could cross it. It felt as if Brodik was trying to batter Raguna down with his voice alone. He couldn't tell if Brodik's aggression would escalate to a direct attack, and he still did not have a clear measurement of Brodik's strength. When he thought of that Raguna seemed very far away.

Before he could determine if Raguna needed physical protection, Raguna shouted back, "Don't you dare talk about Kross that way!"

Kross had never heard Raguna raise his voice. Brodik looked similarly stunned, although that might have been because Raguna was not reacting to the obvious offense.

"If you want to say I don't deserve help, that's one thing, but Kross has been kind to me since I came to live here. He decided to help me on his day off even without being asked. Don't you dare belittle his kindness!"

Brodik pulled himself together for a parting shot of, "If you can't even keep your fields clean by yourself, there's no point in you staying in this village!" and retreated back across the stream.

As soon as he was gone Raguna turned and headed not back into his field, but over to where Kross was standing.

"Oh, you're all red. I'm sorry if I said something embarrassing."

It wasn't a matter of embarrassment. Kross was still struggling to uncoil the tension of fight or flight. The threat was gone (except he knew it was still there, just out of sight.) He shuddered, muscles trembling now that the spike of adrenaline had nowhere to go.

"Kross? Are you angry?"

Kross could almost laugh at the idea that he was capable of being angry right now. Raguna reached forward and touched him in concern, fingertips light on his biceps, and that was okay. He no longer had to think about the distance between them. Raguna fit neatly in the small space Kross could control, so he was safe now.

Even as he started to calm, Kross couldn't quite meet those concerned eyes. "It's nothing. I was only surprised to see you angry."

"It's not 'nothing.' It means a lot to me that you decided to help. Acting like your kindness was nothing felt so unfair. Did I say too much?"

When Kross dared to look he found that Raguna's face was a little red and his mouth was set in an almost childish expression of stubbornness. He didn't want to give up his stance even if he was embarrassed.

Kross still felt he had to correct this assumption about his kindness. "I haven't done much. When you first came to live here I didn't help you the way everyone else did."

"That's not true, Kross. You're the one who taught me how to relate to monsters. That was so important to me. It still is. And even the very first time we met you told me you could help if I ever needed extensions or repairs. Maybe you don't realize how kind you are, but I. . ."

Raguna took a deep breath and let it out again. It felt as if there should have been words there, but Raguna pulled away from whatever he might have said to focus on something else. "I. . . I must have upset you by arguing with Brodik. Is that what's wrong? I'm sorry. I'm trying to get along with him. I promise I won't involve you again."

"No. Come to me the moment anything happens. Shout for me if you need to." Kross mirrored Raguna's touch, but he gripped Raguna's arms hard instead of being gentle. Being faced with Brodik paralyzed him, but if he couldn't at least protect Raguna then what was he good for?

"It's okay, Kross. I know I can depend on you. I know."

Kross nodded, and then forced himself to let go. At that moment the texture of Raguna's sleeves under his fingers and the faint smell of Earth and sweat were so important. He wanted to hold Raguna in his arms for a moment, to make his entire world out of that, but he had no right to do so.

"Kross," Raguna whispered, and then found his voice to say more firmly, "That's right, you usually go to church around this time, don't you? Please wait a minute. I wanted to give you something."

Raguna hurried back to his field to fetch a bell pepper from one of the undamaged patches. He brought it back and offered it to Kross with both hands.

For the first time in a long time Kross hesitated before accepting. He didn't want to be paid for his help, but he realized Raguna saw the gesture as a gift. It was likely Raguna had been planning to offer it anyway. Kross could sense only kindness in the gesture.

"I meant to ask: do people in Trampoli not have a tradition of exchanging vegetables for the harvest festival? I was asking around yesterday, but it doesn't seem anyone does it."

Kross paused, looking at the half-eaten pepper in his hands. He could give Raguna something from his own fields, but it seemed like a poor trade. "No, we've never exchanged things for the festival."

"Oh. But I'd still like to share some with everyone. Will they think it's strange?"

"How would it be different from every other day?"

That startled a laugh out of Raguna. Kross was almost used to his sudden laughter by now. Raguna had to put in some extra effort and surprise Kross with his answer. "I don't give everyone vegetables every day."

Was he not aware of his own generosity? Or were his constant presents of food only for Kross?

Autumn 15

Raguna approached him early in the morning as he started to look over his fields.

"Good morning!" Raguna trotted over to where he was waiting before making his request. "You said to come to you for an extension when I tamed as many monsters as could live comfortably in the barn you built. Do you have time to help me with that, Kross?"

"I'll start right away."

When Kross followed Raguna back to his farm he saw the damage Brodik had done had already been repaired, except for a few bare patches where crops had been destroyed and Raguna hadn't replanted yet.

He didn't doubt for an instant that Raguna's monsters would be comfortable, healthy, and well cared for. Raguna led all of them outside so that Kross could begin work on the barn.

Work went slower than usual. Kross couldn't seem to stop himself from glancing over at Raguna, surrounded by his loving menagerie.

His Clucky and Wooly had a brief disagreement over his lap before both decided to snuggle up to him regardless of the company. His Ant pressed close to his side and refused to be moved by their squabble. He had a Ghost looming over him, eerie as a grim reaper until he reached up to scratch under its chin, prompting an adorable cackle.

The rest of his monsters were free to wander, but Kross could see they were too fond of Raguna to stray far. They browsed on the things growing around their barn, his Hornet even flew far enough to investigate the eggplant vines with their purple flowers, but there was no danger of them leaving Raguna.

Kross made himself focus on his work. He would build a barn out of strength and love. The feeling that gnawed at his heart when he thought of that was longing rather than jealousy.

Half of him wanted to tame a monster, to love and care for it every day. Half of him wanted to be a monster, to be loved and given tasks and be sure of who he was. If he were a monster in Raguna's care. . .

At one point Raguna's Minotaur came to see what he was doing and huffed hot breath down the back of his neck. Kross felt shaky with pleasure from the attention, a helpless smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Raguna waited until the Minotaur actually touched his building materials to call it back. Kross wanted to say he didn't mind at all. The darling monster had probably helped Raguna gather that lumber in the first place.

"I'm sorry," Raguna called over to him. "They've been working so hard helping me get everything cleaned up. I think they're still under some stress."

Kross looked over at him soothing the Minotaur, along with a miniature Golem which had taken a turn standing over him. It was more than twice Raguna's size, and it moved with a self-awareness that spoke volumes of its affection for Raguna. They were both alert and agitated, but Kross could tell at a glance it had nothing to do with overwork. They were responding to the stress Raguna had been placed under, standing protectively over him. Had he been Raguna's monster he would have done the same.

Once again Kross designed the barn with everything he knew about monsters. There would be room for even the largest monsters to move around comfortably. The walls between rooms were thick, so the noises of their unseen fellows wouldn't upset them.

Raguna's smile and warm words of thanks were waiting for him when he finished.

"Since there's more room, I think the first thing is to spread everyone out a little so they don't feel crowded."

"You also need to make sure they don't get lonely, now that they're used to living in a group. I mean. . ." Kross let out a low sigh. He expected his advice was unneeded, and therefore unwelcome.

Except Raguna answered, "You're right. Thank you, Kross."

Kross watched him patiently shepherding his monsters into groups.

"The room on the south side will be the warmest," he added softly.

Raguna beamed at him and repeated, "Thank you."

With that bit of information, the move was simple. Raguna led the heat-loving monsters that could be found in the Lava Ruins into the southmost room first. He left Kross outside with the other five, who had gathered around the new barn.

Kross thought he was in heaven. Monsters had been afraid to be around him for so long, but the ones Raguna had tamed only showed curiosity towards him. The Hornet hummed around his head, but Kross could read its movements well enough to know it wasn't ready to sting.

Even if he couldn't tame a monster of his own Kross still remembered them well. He anticipated when the Wooly would trip over its own feet and bent to catch it.

He couldn't have anticipated it wiggling closer and settling on his arm until he had no choice but to pick it up.

Running his hand over soft wool and having the little monster snuggle against him with a squeaky sigh made his throat draw tight with emotion. He hadn't held a happy monster since he was a boy, but now one wanted to nap in his arms. It was the most wonderful blessing he could have asked for.

One of Raguna's Buffamoos lipped at his hair. Kross paused in petting the Wooly to reach over, moving slowly so as not to startle her, and scratched gently along her shoulder.

The second Buffamoo head-butted him in the shoulder hard enough that a weaker man would have been knocked back.

"Sorry," Raguna laughed as he stepped out of the barn again. "Bossy's been here longer, so she's used to getting attention first."

"I don't mind." Kross knew he was reenforcing the behavior by giving Bossy attention as well, but his heart was too full to care.

"All right, everyone, let's get settled in the new home Kross built for you."

Raguna's hand on his shoulder urged him to come inside too. Kross thought it was because he was still carrying his precious bundle, but for some reason Raguna didn't ask him to put the Wooly down. He was too distracted brushing the others and helping them get settled. Kross stole minutes cuddling the warm armful of monster before Raguna got back to him.

"I'm not surprised Sleepy likes you," Raguna told him softly, reaching into his arms to rub behind the Wooly's ears. "You have such a calming presence."

Kross didn't have an answer for that. He didn't know how to explain Raguna was wrong when he was being trapped with happiness like this.

"I know my naming sense is odd," Raguna said, as if that was the reason for the look Kross was giving him.

Kross let himself be guided to lay the Wooly down on one of the soft piles of straw. It opened one eye, then snuggled down in the straw, living up to its name.

"Kross, you have something in your hair," Raguna said. He reached for it before Kross could move.

Raguna's fingers brushed through his hair, combing out a few bits of dried fodder. His cheeks were unexpectedly pink as he took his hand away. "Maybe I should brush you too, after all your hard work."

If Raguna's cheeks were pink, Kross knew his must be flaming red. He struggled with the painful grin trying to stretch his cheeks at the mere thought, ducking his head to hide the grimace behind his hair.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Kross! I didn't mean to make you angry."

Kross sighed, because of course Raguna hadn't been serious. "It's nothing."

"I'm glad for your help. You know so much about monsters."

"I know they're happy in your care."

Raguna didn't answer at first. He took an extra minute to fuss over all of them, making sure they were settled in.

It wasn't until they stepped out of the barn that he confessed, "I'm worried I haven't been taking good enough care of them. About ten days ago I must have left the door open, because they all got out. I don't know how I could have been so careless."

Kross froze at the confession. He didn't believe for a moment that Raguna could have forgotten something like that. He immediately remembered Brodik's comment about Raguna relying on monsters.

"At least none of them were hurt, or lost, but they were all upset. I put off asking you for the extension because I was afraid another change so soon might bother them."

"I can put a lock on the door," Kross offered.

Raguna was biting his lip, refusing to lay blame at the feet of the obviously guilty party, but Kross hoped they both knew Brodik must have been the one to deliberately let them out.

"It doesn't seem right to lock them up. And what if you wanted to visit them?"

Kross drew in a sharp breath, not knowing how to respond. Raguna would accept him wanting to visit his monsters? Although he was sure they wouldn't accept his presence without Raguna close by.

"Anyway, I should have asked your advice first before I asked too much of them. I thought a few hours a day helping me clean up the wood and rocks wouldn't be too much, but now every time I go in the barn they get agitated and want to follow me around." He bowed his head slightly. Kross hoped he hadn't willfully forgotten who was to blame for putting his fields in such a state in the first place.

Kross let out a soft 'heh' of breath. "It's because they care for you. If they sense that anything is threatening you, they will want to protect you. A monster's love is completely pure and honest."

When he looked at Raguna, Kross knew how they felt. Maybe there was something more of a monster in him than his strength after all. He could understand that unwavering love.

"Leave the door unlocked. Tame the strongest panther you can, and teach it to guard the others."

"I'll try that. Thank you for your advice."

Kross hoped Raguna understood the duel use of a guard monster. They would keep the others from wandering, and they would keep human strangers from trespassing.

He was still human enough to be dishonest. Raguna didn't seem to realize he had picked the species most likely to be able to get out of the barn by itself. It would be the monster best able to come to Raguna's aid, if it came to that.

Autumn 17

Kross made a habit of rising earlier each morning, before the time he had first heard Brodik. He needed to keep careful watch on his neighbor. Brodik did not seem to mean any of the other villagers harm, in fact he had shown a soft spot for the children, but he had still decided to center his mission on Raguna.

The first thing Kross did after he left the house was check on Raguna's field, even before his own. The field was just as it should be. Instead, the newest form of harassment was a boulder completely blocking Raguna's front door. Brodik was nowhere to be seen.

No one else was out yet. Even Anette wouldn't arrive for a few minutes. Kross quickly crossed the bridge and approached Raguna's house.

The boulder was bigger than he was. Kross was sure he could shift it. The problem was the person who had put it there.

He had let himself believe Brodik didn't have this kind of strength. He was not just any special agent, but a monster hunter. The Zzyzx military only picked the best trained and most trustworthy for their hunters. They needed to range far in the field and to act without immediate orders. It wasn't a role that could be filled by blunt tools like Kross.

Yet Kross could think of no other way for this boulder to appear in front of Raguna's door, except by Brodik's hand.

Before he could dispose of the boulder, Kross heard Raguna's door open and an exclamation of surprise.

Erik's shock at seeing his raw strength all those years ago burned in his mind, but he couldn't leave Raguna trapped. All he could say was, "I'm sorry, Raguna. . ."

"Why are you apologizing, Kross?"

Kross couldn't look at his face, afraid Raguna would be frightened of him. "I'm sorry."

He braced his hands on the boulder and slowly pushed it out of the way. When he was well past the door he stopped, still leaning his weight against solid stone.

If Brodik had that same strength. . . he didn't know what to do. If he fought Brodik, whether he won or lost it would bring trouble to the village. He would bring harm down upon those who had taken him in and accepted him when he had no place in the world. Even if he threw his life away and fled it was too late to believe that would lead the danger away from Raguna. He didn't have it in him to confess the truth and cooperate quietly.

He didn't want to harm another person ever again. He didn't want to see Raguna come to harm when he could stop it.

"Kross?"

"I'm sorry. My neighbor seems to be bothering you. He seems to be very much like me when I was young."

"So you were a lively child. You really don't look it now." Raguna laughed, teasing and kind.

Kross couldn't share in his happiness. "I wasn't lively at all. . ." The words 'I was dangerous' dissolved into a sigh.

"It's funny. You and Brodik seem like opposites in so many ways. It's hard to imagine you playing pranks, especially when you look after me like this. Thank you, Kross." Raguna touched the rock beside his hand, then slowly moved to cover Kross's hand with his own. "You didn't strain yourself, did you?"

Kross could hear the concern, but he couldn't understand it. "Of course not."

"I knew you were strong, but I never realized you were this strong. You're really amazing."

'Amazing' caught in Kross's brain. It was not a word he was used to having used on him. When he looked Raguna was smiling at him without a trace of fear.

Raguna understood monsters. Kross wasn't whole enough to be a monster, he knew that, but maybe Raguna still understood. Raguna trusted Kross would never harm him, didn't he? Kross wondered how well Raguna could read humans.

"He's playing pranks on you." That was the closest Raguna had come to admitting what was happening. Did he fully realize what was happening?

"I. . . I'm not sure what's going on. It seems like he's frustrated about something. I wish I knew how to get along with him." Raguna paused before adding a few words in Brodik's defense. "I think he's homesick, but he feels like he has to finish what he came here to do. I know he goes out of his way not to trouble the other villagers."

"If you need, I could. . ." Kross wasn't sure what he wanted to offer. He would protect Raguna, if he only knew how.

Raguna nodded, accepting whatever went unspoken, and Kross wondered if Raguna knew what he meant to say better than he himself did.

"I'm glad you're on my side, Kross."

Autumn 18

Kross had another warrior's medal to add to his collection. Raguna had gotten in the habit of bringing them whenever he picked one up while fighting. He would probably keep bringing them as long as Kross kept accepting them, and Kross wasn't going to tell him to stop. He had a row of them lined up near his bed to watch over him as he slept.

He liked the medals. That wasn't the problem. The problem was the growing feeling that he didn't deserve them, not with Brodik going so far as to try to warn him away from Raguna while he stayed quiet and refused to admit he was the dangerous one.

In terms of things he didn't deserve, however, what came next was even worse.

"I also thought you might like this," Raguna offered, his voice bright with pleasure that said he was particularly proud of this present. "It took a lot of practice, but I was finally able to cook it for you."

It was a curry bun, steaming gently in the cool autumn air. Kross stared at it.

"Try it while it's hot," Raguna encouraged. "Or do you not like curry at all? I should have asked."

Flour and curry powder. Deceptively simple, and yet this was something Kross would never be able to make for himself. He probably would have blown up a steamer if he tried.

It tasted too good to describe, spicy and hot inside gummy dough. It warmed his hands and his insides with every bite.

Raguna was waiting to hear if it was good, but Kross couldn't say it. The words choked off in his throat. "Why?" he asked instead. "Why do you keep giving me these things?"

"I thought you should get to try it, even if you can't make it for yourself. Should I not have made it a surprise?"

"Why would you go to so much trouble for me?"

"Because I like you."

"You like everyone." Raguna was kind to everyone. He even went out of his way to try to make peace with Brodik, who was determined to hate him no matter what he did. Yet Kross saw enough of what happened around him to know Raguna treated him differently. No one else got to try every variety of fruit and vegetable fresh from his farm, or new recipes as he mastered them.

"Yeah, I do," Raguna agreed, "But more than anything, I want to find ways to make you smile."

Kross was sure he had smiled more this year than in the last five, and it was all because of Raguna. His world was changing so fast he didn't know which way to throw himself to escape the fallout. He would stay and be buried, because of Raguna.

"Why would you want me to smile?"

"I just told you. It's because I like you."

Raguna was a kind person. Kross knew that. He was still naive, and far too giving. There was no way he could mean what it seemed to Kross he meant. And yet, even knowing that he must be wrong, Kross reached out and took him by the shoulders in a grip tight enough to trap even a strong young man like Raguna.

He reached for Raguna, stepped close to him, and touched a kiss to his mouth as if that might say something his words could not.

When Kross opened his eyes he found sky-blue eyes staring back at him, wide with shock. Raguna didn't try to break free. He simply stood there in frozen silence as Kross released him.

Kross quickly wiped his hand across Raguna's mouth to erase the kiss. "I'm sorry. Please pretend I never did such a thing."

How could he even think to offer someone a kiss? He hadn't kissed anyone since long before he came here. He wasn't fit for that kind of thing anymore.

Maybe he had never been fit to give kisses. He had given his first love a kiss for good luck in the Coming of Age festival, only to see the older boy nearly killed before he could be called a man. On the frontier luck was wound taut as a crossbow and nothing happened without a reason.

Kross rubbed his thumb across Raguna's lips again. He prayed that he hadn't called some curse down on Raguna. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Raguna said, his breathy words no match for what was already in Kross's head. "It's more than okay."

Kross shook his head slowly. Raguna was always too kind, but this sort of thing wasn't okay. "I won't do it again. Please forget me entirely if you need to." He resisted the urge to keep touching Raguna's lips, because now he must be doing more harm than good.

"Kross," Raguna protested.

Unable to think of anything that would convince Raguna to reject him, Kross retreated to his house and locked the door for the night behind him.

Autumn 19

There was no escaping the need to see how Raguna had fared. That overcame all fears and shame until Kross dared to walk over the bridge and into Raguna's homestead in the morning as usual.

He had never thought himself shameless. He had lifetimes of shame saved up, after all. It seemed he had shame enough that even forcing his lips against Raguna's was still only a drop in the bucket.

When he moved to his usual place to admire Raguna's tidy field, Raguna looked up at him before dropping his gaze again. He was on his hands and knees, weeding by hand for once. Kross didn't move, trying to stay a harmless shadow.

Raguna approached him with uncharacteristically slow steps, weeds still clutched in front of his chest like a shield. "Kross, I. . ." he started.

"Is this what you think of me?" Kross asked gloomily as he accepted the weeds. He deserved no better after what he had done.

Weeds tasted like weeds, even the ones that came from Raguna's hands. They weren't even filling.

"No! Kross, don't think I would mean to give you something like that!" Raguna protested. "And don't eat the weeds! I'll give you something else if you're that hungry, anything else." He sighed and lifted one hand, leaving it outstretched in the air between them. "You'll really eat anything I give you, won't you? I don't know if I should be flattered or offended."

Kross was silent, letting Raguna take a moment to pull himself together.

"What I want to say is, that's not what I think of you. I like you, Kross. I mean that just as much as I did yesterday. I mean it the same way I think you did when you kissed me. I should have made myself clear."

"I asked you to forget."

"If you insist on me forgetting, then may I be the first to kiss you?" Raguna asked, teasing and fond. His voice was so warm Kross's heart was going to melt. "Or is this something you won't accept from me?"

"I care for you too much for that."

"I care for you too. Very much."

Raguna's hands crept forward to catch hold of his. Kross watched them do it, because he still didn't know what to think of such a thing. Raguna was holding his hands. Raguna was smiling hopefully at him, ducking down so that they were eye-to-eye in spite of Kross's bowed head.

Then Raguna was kissing him, lips soft and warm as a stolen taste of paradise.

Autumn 22

Kross was on his way to do his morning check on Raguan's homestead when he heard Raguna shout. When he rushed to Raguna's side he found the young farmer clearly panicked, one hand on his sword.

A Golem was in the middle of tearing up his field. Not Raguna's sweet-tempered Golem, of course, but a stranger.

"I can't go around waving weapons in the field! What should I do?!"

Before either of them could act there was the crack of an explosion and a flash of smoke, and the Golem started to break apart on its own. Kross threw one arm around Raguna, intending to shield him, only to have Raguna act on the same instinct at the same time. They ended up huddled together as the Golem crumbed harmlessly where it stood.

Raguna's fingers remained clenched in Kross's shirt for several seconds after, both of them as still as if they expected the Golem to somehow spring back up again.

"I need to speak to Brodik this time," Raguna said as he slowly pulled away. "I know he's been interested in building Golems, but I never expected him to be so irresponsible! Pulling pranks is one thing, but he's going too far."

Brodik was building Golems. Kross felt lightheaded with relief. He hadn't seen any hint of monster strength from Brodik, and now he finally knew what had been doing the heavy lifting for him. Raguna was safe, at least from the threat of a special agent with inhuman strength.

With that thought turning over and over, slowly sinking in past the layer of tension and fear that had become part of his everyday thoughts, Kross moved automatically. He stepped carefully between the rows of damaged vegetables as he carried the heaviest pieces of broken armor out of Raguna's field.

Raguna set aside frustration long enough to join him. The unfamiliar frown on his face let Kross know he was well and truly angry this time. Even by the time they finished cleaning up that anger hadn't dissolved.

It was probably irresponsible to let Raguna confront Brodik on his own, even if he did insist this was something he had to do himself. Kross watched from his roof. He wasn't quite close to hear with the wind blowing the wrong way, but he was close enough to reach Raguna in an instant if Brodik reacted with violence. That was all that mattered to him.

Brodik didn't attack him physically, but when Raguna approached Kross that afternoon he looked tired and defeated.

"Let me help you a little, Kross."

"I appreciate the thought, but this is something I should do for myself."

"But I know you're only behind because you spent so many hours this morning helping me." Raguna knelt beside him, so close that Kross went still. "You really saved me. I know some of the pieces you carried away for me I wouldn't have been able to move by myself, and the monsters would have had trouble doing it so neatly."

"You can feel free to think of me as your monster," Kross offered. He felt the burn of a guilty blush.

"On one condition." Raguna leaned in closer and kissed Kross on the cheek, making him jump inside his skin. "Kross?"

Kross couldn't explain how the soft touch had shocked him. He took a moment to breathe and then tuned his face to present his other cheek to Raguna. "Here."

Raguna gave him a second kiss, just as soft and sweet as the first, and this time he could relax into it.

"What was your condition?"

"It's just that I can't ask any monster to do so much and then not care for them."

If he wanted to be Raguna's monster, he had to let himself be cared for. Kross thought he might be able to live with that.

"Then you can water the yams for me," Kross requested. His voice was hoarse, not quite able to escape the feeling he was doing something wrong.

Raguna smiled and nodded. He hurried to help before Kross could even think of taking the words back.

Autumn 23

Raguna brought dinner to share once again. Kross had never heard of ratatouille before, but he could guess why Raguna had selected the recipe. The dish was heavy with vegetables that Raguna had grown, ones that couldn't be found in Kross's fields. It was the sort of thing Raguna would think about.

Something seemed to be troubling Raguna, but Kross didn't have the words to ask. It wasn't until they were almost finished eating that Raguna opened the subject himself.

"Did Brodik say anything to you recently? Anette said he seemed depressed, and now it seems he's left town, but I don't think he said anything to anyone. I'm a little worried."

Kross shook his head slowly. He had been paranoid of and grateful for Brodik's absence for most of the day. Could he have realized Raguna wasn't the person he was searching for? Kross didn't think he would give up so easily.

"I did the wrong thing by accusing him yesterday. It wasn't fair of me. And with the timing it feels like it's my fault." Raguna looked away guiltily. "I hope he's okay, after leaving so suddenly."

"You're too kind, after what happened," Kross answered.

Raguna truly seemed to be worried. He sat silent as Kross cleared away the dishes. Kross had never expected Raguna would actually miss Brodik. Even if he had never escalated to violence, Kross had seen how he tried to drive Raguna away.

"Is it bad for me to be friendly with people?" Raguna asked.

Kross returned to Raguna's side. Had Brodik said something like that? He must have. Who else would criticize Raguna for that?

"It feels natural. I like the people around me so I want to be friendly. I like being able to do things that make them happy. But I also want people to like me. Is something like that taking advantage? Could I have irritated Brodik so much by behaving that way that he left?"

"You're not taking advantage," Kross promised. Those words were meant for him. If he was able to be like Raguna, to smile and socialize happily with everyone without reservation, maybe that would be wrong. For Raguna he couldn't imagine anything more natural.

"I want to belong here," Raguna confessed. "I had no memories, no home, until I met Mist. After following her here, I just want to belong."

"I understand," Kross answered, surprising himself. He knew the feeling of wanting to build a new life. He had secured his life in the weight of lumber and stone and roots digging down into the earth. Raguna had found a place connected to the people around him.

"Is that wrong?"

"No."

"I also wanted you to like me, you know."

Kross couldn't imagine not liking Raguna now. Raguna's kindness was more than a stream of presents. It was his smile and his company and the earnest way he asked if Kross would accept what he wanted to offer.

Moving closer, Kross left a few close-kept words in Raguna's ear, although he was sure his secret was well known by now. "I like your kindness."

"It meant so much to me when you kissed me. I was afraid if I gave you something and then asked for attention you would feel obligated somehow," Raguna spilled out all in a rush.

Kross touched a kiss to Raguna's check, eyes nearly closed as he digested this confession. It had been unforgivable at the time, but perhaps there was some redeeming value if it told Raguna he was honestly loved.

"Sorry. I didn't realize how deeply Brodik's words hit me until he left." Raguna was smiling when he said it, and for some reason that pulled at Kross's heart.

"He's wrong." Kross didn't know how to set things straight, but he couldn't let Raguna come to harm now that Brodik had finally gone. "You belong here."

"Kross. . . I'm glad I could come here and meet you. You're so kind."

Kross shook his head. He didn't have it in him to be kind, not like Raguna. "If there was someone who didn't belong here, I'm sure he's already gone."

"Don't start saying unkind things!" Raguna exclaimed. He probably thought Kross was talking about Brodik. While the sentiment included Brodik, he was really thinking of his past, of Weber.

"You belong here. That's all," Kross repeated. Perhaps more than he himself did even after these years trying to put down roots. The village and the spirits and the Earth itself all loved Raguna. He must know that.

"Kross," Raguna said again, softly. Kross actually hoped he might be comforted now, but instead he murmured, "I feel like you're not telling me something. And some of the things Brodik said, it was like he recognized me but as someone I don't know. If it's something I don't remember. . . You said it was a good thing to be able to forget, but I don't know that because I don't know what I'm forgetting."

Kross did remember saying something like that before he had gotten to know Raguna. He had never seen Raguna's face like this talking about his lost memories. He had only seen Raguna politely explaining why he couldn't say something about his past or where he came from. Now he was trying to find an answer for the problem of 'Weber.'

"I met you for the first time on the second day of Spring. I wouldn't forget you if I had met you before. I can only picture the person you were being kind and hardworking as you are now," Kross promised. Whatever Raguna's past was, it shouldn't be allowed to hurt him.

Raguna leaned against him until his face rested against Kross's shoulder. "Thank you, Kross. Somehow I feel more at ease hearing you say that."

Kross was grateful that he could at least do that much. He had already said all the words he could think of that might comfort Raguna, and he didn't know what more to offer.

"Can I stay here? Will you hold me for a minute?"

His voice was so small Kross almost missed it. He hesitantly slipped his arms around Raguna. For a moment he was afraid to hold on too tightly, in case Raguna might want to escape.

Raguna relaxed against him, and Kross gathered him closer. Maybe by holding Raguna he could say the things he had run out of words for. 'I want you here,' and, 'I love you.'

Autumn 25 (Coming of Age Day)

Before he left home, Kross had promised to be back the next year for his sister's Coming of Age Day. All their lives Clover had been his closest friend, and she had been so furious he was leaving she made him promise a dozen times he would come back.

In his heart Kross must have repeated the promise a hundred times more. He was terrified what might happen to her. He had thought he would have done anything just to know she would be safe.

Every year Kross woke up feeling that broken promise like a heart full of broken glass.

For many years Trampoli had been too small to hold a real adventure contest. This year Kross's heart was heavy with dread.

Raguna finished his morning chores some time before Kross arrived. Kross already knew he had gone to participate in the village's Coming of Age Day festivities. He had almost an hour to resign himself to that fact before Raguna came trotting down the path from the business district.

Perhaps he should say something general about the season or his work. Instead he surprised himself with the truth. "I just can't learn to like the adventure contest," he sighed. "You should never let children carry weapons. You will ruin them if you do."

"The adventure contest is where they go treasure hunting," Raguna corrected him. "Stella set up a scavenger hunt around the village for a golden turnip."

Kross felt a jolt of surprise. Stella had been insistent that the treasure hunt she had planned would be harmless, but that still wasn't what he connected with any Coming of Age ceremony in his mind.

"I guess different places do things differently," Raguna continued, reading too far into Kross's heart. "Kross. . ." he left the unspoken question hanging there a moment too long before he let it go and covered it with something safer. "How old are you?"

"I must have been around your age when I came here." Perhaps even a bit younger. It was hard to say. Kross had stopped numbering his years once he settled in Trampoli. He wasn't sure what landmarks he could use to count backwards through the seasons between his arrival and Raguna's.

"That's not fair! I don't know how long ago you came here. I don't even know how old I am!"

"I had thought of you as an adult." Raguna was able to make his own way in the world. For Kross it had taken several years between coming of age and being able to build a life for himself.

"Thank you. Or are you saying you think I'm too old?" Raguna asked, trying to pretend he was offended. His tone was so playful that even Kross wasn't fooled.

"I suppose you can be childish sometimes too."

Raguna burst out laughing. "Thanks. Then I'm going to play. I wanted to have the chance to participate at least once. I'll see you later, okay?"

It was difficult to contrast a harmless game encouraged by the very sister who had saved and guided him against a memory that rang with pain. Kross couldn't stop himself from remembering the boy who had lived across the river, the one with a smile that lit up the world. He had almost died from the wounds he suffered undergoing the traditional coming of age.

Back then Kross didn't have it in him to think 'this is wrong.' It was only 'this is.' If that was the way of the world, then he could only become strong enough to survive it. Those had been the thoughts that finished his childhood even before his own coming of age.

He didn't want the children of this village to grow up with those wounds that sometimes remained long after the festival.

Yet Raguna had said, 'I'm going to play,' and he hadn't taken his sword in his hand.

Raguna found him in the church later and took a place next to him. His eyes were soft with concern, but if he was worried for Kross he didn't voice those fears.

"I lost. I took too long."

"That's too bad. Just imagine that the golden turnip never existed."

Raguna smiled, and his eyes became easier for Kross to meet. He touched Kross's hand gently, silently asking for permission, then threaded their fingers together.

"It was fun. Maybe next year we can help Stella hide vegetables," he suggested.

Kross still had no intention of learning to like the adventure contest, but knowing what Stella had decided it should be, maybe he could live without dreading this day.

Autumn 26

Winter-proofing had been part of Kross's seasonal work every autumn since the first he spent in Trampoli. Now it felt like a way of confirming for himself that he belonged here. He had put a little of himself into every building in the village, whether in whole extensions or small patches. That was something he could use to steady himself when he started to feel like the person he wanted to be wasn't real.

Kross was only distantly aware of someone watching him finish his work. When he looked up he found Eunice standing a few paces away, holding a tray with a tall glass on it.

"Mom wanted me to give this to you when you finished."

Kross accepted the glass. He was being spoiled with presents this year, but this was the first time he'd had one presented so politely.

"It tastes good," he told her after the first sip. Sweet berry milk was perfect after a day's work, even if it hadn't been particularly hard work. "Did you make it?"

"Yes. Oh, but it's not tricky."

Kross allowed himself a faint smile. "Unlike you, my cooking skills haven't gotten better over the years."

The autumn he built Rita's tavern she'd practically dragged him into the kitchen, insistent that he would not be 'a useless man who doesn't know how to look after himself.' Kross had been intimidated by her, but she was a good teacher. Thanks to her help he was able to coax the occasional simple, hot meal from his crops without setting anything on fire.

At the time Eunice had still been a child, so small for her age she had to stand on a crate to reach the counter top. She had been so timid around him that he became keenly self-conscious of every move he made. He didn't want to be a frightening thing. He had passed her fragments of roasted chestnut whenever he thought he could get away with it, not knowing how else to coax her not to be afraid of him.

Eunice had grown. She no longer seemed nervous around him. Kross hadn't realized enough years had passed for her to grow from a child to a young maiden. She would be only a year away from her own coming of age, at least in the tradition he had grown up with. He sometimes forgot that time moved on for everyone around him, while he was still focused on building permanent foundations where he was.

"You've grown into a very good cook," he told her. It was the best way he could think of to say it. She was a child of the village who had grown up healthy and strong, and it was good to see that even if she wasn't his child.

Eunice flushed and thanked him politely. Kross turned his head, to better hide behind his hair and keep things from becoming too embarrassing for either of them.

He was grateful to be back in his seasonal routine, but seeing Eunice reminded him that over time some things could change for the better.

Autumn 29

Once he was up on the roof it became more evident that the house had been abandoned for years. Raguna was lucky it was in as good of condition as it was. Whoever had built this house had done their work well. It had held up in those years it stood empty, but for winter Kross was determined to see Raguna's home properly storm-proofed.

The sky became dark sooner than it should, but it wasn't until too late that Kross looked up from his work and noticed the clouds moving in. He was still cleaning up when the cloudburst opened right over him.

Raguna was under the eaves of the house when he dropped from the roof and landed heavily. He didn't so much as blink at Kross landing right in front of him.

"Kross, do you have time to come inside for a little while?"

Kross paused for a moment in the cold autumn rain. "I finished my job," he said, in case Raguna thought he had been interrupted mid-repair.

"Thank you," Raguna answered. "I wanted to have dinner with you."

Raguna lay a hand on his arm and Kross looked down at it before silently following Raguna inside. At times he felt those light touches existed to speak Raguna's intentions towards him.

"You're already soaked through," Raguna was saying, moving ahead of Kross the moment they were inside.

He fetched a towel from the chest near his bed.

"Can I help dry your hair?"

Kross looked into Raguna's earnest face, then dipped his head in a slow nod. He stayed slightly bent to make it easier for Raguna to reach, and was completely still when the towel was put over his head.

Raguna's hands were firm, but gentle. He focused first on fluffing up Kross's hair and drying it, then fell to simply massaging his scalp through the towel.

Even as his eyes slid nearly closed with bliss, Kross noticed the smile on Raguna's face. He had found one of Kross's weak spots, but Kross would submit to him exploiting it this way. He stayed still until Raguna's hands were simply running back and forth over his head, and then finally stopped moving.

"May I kiss you?" Raguna whispered.

"If you want to."

Raguna's lips touched softly against his. He let the towel fall to rest around Kross's neck, but kept touching his hair, sliding fingers through it and holding it away from his face. He closed his eyes almost immediately, seemingly content with that much.

Kross put one hand at the back of Raguna's head and pressed a firm kiss to his mouth. He wanted something that felt solid. That was what seemed fitting for Raguna. Raguna might be flustered by it, but he smiled and rested their foreheads together.

"Do you want to borrow some dry clothes?"

"I'll just get wet again," Kross pointed out.

"It might stop. Or you could stay here tonight."

For just a moment the offer hung in the air between them. It had been a long time since Kross had wanted to be with someone so much, and even longer since he felt able to do so. He still hadn't adapted to this.

"Either way, let's have something to eat first," Raguna said quickly, as if he guessed that Kross was about to leave and remove all temptation. "Do you need another towel?" When Kross pulled the damp towel from his neck and rubbed at his shoulders he let it go. "Is there anything in particular you'd like? You can look at my cookbooks."

Kross didn't follow all the way into the kitchen, but that didn't stop Raguna from trying to include him. "Would you like curry? I think there was a good recipe. . . No, don't have all the ingredients," he muttered to himself, checking through the back of the book.

"Something simple," Kross requested. He didn't want Raguna to go to so much trouble for him. He would be happy with something like the grilled fish Raguna had first brought him.

After a moment of thought Raguna paged to the middle of the book to select his recipe. He showed Kross where to find bowls and spoons to set the table, and made a thick vegetable stew for them to share.

Kross didn't think this counted as simple, not compared to his own weak attempts at cooking, but it was delicious and hearty and he wasn't about to do anything other than praise it. It was a harvest stew, perfect for a cool evening at the end of autumn. Raguna had included a vegetable from each season. He wondered if Raguna had made the selection on purpose.

Raguna didn't repeat his offer for Kross to stay the night, though Kross could still feel it hanging over them. Instead he asked about Kross's work, if he made furniture as well. Kross had been busy building so far that year and unable to devote time to crafting. Once winter set in, barring any emergency repairs, he expected to enjoy many long hours working.

Eventually Raguna got around to working on his own crafting while Kross watched. The conversation lapsed occasionally as Raguna had to concentrate, but Kross didn't mind watching in silence. It was different from the work he did with wood. Raguna worked with metal and hide, bringing together seemingly incompatible materials into a whole.

Humming to himself, Raguna modified a knit hat (not unlike one Kross's mother might have made in the winter) by adding extra fur and wool until it was soft and fluffy. By the time he was done it looked like a little Wooly.

"What do you think?" Raguna asked as he tried it on. "I'll need something warmer for winter, plus the Snow Ruins are really cold!"

Kross suddenly felt flustered. It became equally difficult to look Raguna in the eye or look away. It was unfairly cute, like a baby Wooly perched on Raguna's head, and Raguna's cheerful smile only made it that much more overwhelming. "It suits you."

"What do you mean? Is something wrong?" Raguna turned away from his work bench and lifted one hand to Kross's forehead. "Your face is red."

"It's nothing. You look very cute."

"What?" Raguna laughed. "Maybe I should make you one."

"I don't mind the cold."

"Really? But wouldn't you like one, if it's so cute? Besides, it would be good practice for me. I need more experience, since there's something special I need to make."

"What is it?" Perhaps some piece of armor to keep him safe? Kross almost offered to help, even though Raguna spent so much more time exploring and was more likely to come across the materials he needed.

Raguna seemed unexpectedly flustered as he pulled out more materials. "It's a surprise. I promise to show you first once I'm done."

The next craft did not go as well. Raguna's hands were steady as he joined turtle shell and fishbone and added little details in silver, but near the end his grip suddenly slipped, leaving him with a shallow gash along his hand.

Kross moved immediately to catch Raguna's hand. A spare bit of cloth was sacrificed to staunch the blood.

"You should rest." He hadn't noticed until Raguna's concentration slipped how exhausted he was.

"If I don't try to work anymore it would be fine to stay up a little longer."

"You need rest," Kross told him, more forcefully. He still wasn't used to being the one caring for Raguna, but it seemed he was going to have to learn.

"I know. I wanted your company for a little while, but I'm sure you'd rather go home. I'm sorry."

"You want my company?"

"I always do," Raguna said immediately. He leaned against Kross's shoulder, seemingly too exhausted to pick up his head. "I feel uneasy lately, like something's about to happen, but I don't know why. Having you here helps."

Kross accepted the confession, and accepted Raguna leaning into him. "I'll stay," he answered.

"Thank you, Kross." After a few seconds Raguna added, "Although I guess the bed is a little small for two."

Kross sucked in his breath in surprise. He had no idea how to respond to that.

"We'll figure something out. Just having you here is all I want."

Raguna insisted on bringing out every blanket he owned to make Kross comfortable where he chose to sleep, right beside the bed. Kross felt like a guard monster. That was a role Raguna had selected for him, and it was his pleasure to fill it.

He watched until Raguna dropped into a peaceful sleep before letting his own eyes close.

Autumn 30

Kross woke curled up in a soft nest beside Raguna's bed, and for a long moment he lay perfectly still. One of Raguna's arms was hanging over the edge, close enough to innocently brush him.

Before he could make up his mind if he should wake Raguna or just go, Raguna sighed and stretched as he woke up on his own. He shifted out of bed almost immediately, grabbing blindly for the hat he had left on the bedside table. The motion seemed automatic. He paused once he had completed it, blinking sleepily at Kross.

"It sounds like the rain stopped, doesn't it?"

It was silent outside. The sound of rain washing over the roof had gone, and there was nothing to replace it but stillness. There was something in the air that smelled like the first brush of winter, even though it was still autumn. It was already past dawn, but the light through the windows was weak. An old instinct pressed at that back of Kross's mind. He wanted to give Raguna something warm.

"I could make you something," he offered. Even though he had been clear about his lack of cooking skills before, Raguna accepted the offer.

Hot milk was something even he could manage. He offered it with both hands, and watched the smile bloom on Raguna's face.

"This tastes good," Raguna told him, a warm echo of what were sometimes the only words Kross had to offer.

The warm feeling lasted right up until Raguna stepped outside.

"It's snowing. Kross, come look." He stepped out from under the eaves and held his hands out to the snow. "There are only a few clouds, but the sky is so dark."

"The sky is dark. . . this day depresses me every year." Kross didn't look to the sky, but at Raguna's confused face. "Every year that island in the sky blocks the sun so it turns dark and snows."

"I wonder why." Raguna looked up into the sky again. "But the snow seems so peaceful. I guess it's also a warning for us to be ready for winter tomorrow."

By now Kross thought he should have expected Raguna's optimism to brighten anything.

"Good morning!"

Kross jumped as the mail lady screeched to halt in front of Raguna's mailbox. Raguna called a happy greeting back to her, while Kross considered slipping back inside. She never wanted to see him.

"Raguna, there's a letter with your name-" she looked up from rummaging in her mail bag. "Did you have a friend move in with you? You're supposed to fill out a change of address form so we can deliver the mail, remember?"

"No, Kross still lives in the South District."

Raguna had caught his hand to keep him from slouching back into the shadows, and for the first time Anette looked directly at him.

"Oh! It's nice to finally meet you!" Anette smiled brightly at him. "I'm sure I'll remember now. I mean. . ."

Kross wasn't sure if he should mention he didn't mind that she always forgot his name.

"Okay, I have to run. Have a good day, you two." Just as quickly as she had come, Anette was off.

While Raguna was looking through his mail, Kross watched the dust cloud fade. He had never gotten close enough to notice before, but she had a uniquely sweet scent. His senses were dull, only human, but he thought it was something many monsters would be attracted to.

"Does the mail lady have trouble with monsters?"

"She told me they chase her pretty often. I think that's how she got to be so fast. I worry about her sometimes. Once she got this far and she was so worn out she collapsed and had to rest."

Kross wondered if that was the reason, if instincts honed from years of fleeing monsters made it so she didn't want to see him until Raguna made him safe. Was that how much Raguna changed him?

Something had changed. He knew that when Raguna turned and gently squeezed his hand.

"If you want to stay again, even for a little while, you'll always be welcome."

There were too many things said there for Kross to have the words to respond.

Raguna touched his cheek and murmured his name so that the unspoken 'May I?' lay neatly before him. Kross answered with a quick, light kiss and then a longer one.

It took three kisses before Raguna reluctantly stepped back. They both had chores to do to finish up the season, and of course Raguna needed to look after his monsters.

Raguna didn't rush off as usual, and in the doorway of his barn he turned back to give Kross a bright smile. For a moment Kross was tempted to join Raguna in his chores.

The silent snow couldn't wash away all of the thoughts in the back of his head the way the rain did. He could lay out all the choices that had led him to where he was now. He knew everything had been out of a desire to be with Raguna. That couldn't be undone, and Kross realized he didn't want it to be.

Kross headed home. He cleaned and composed himself and returned his tools to their proper places, then made his way to church as he might on any rainy day. When he passed through Raguna's homestead everything was still under the first fall of snow. It was cold and calm, and for once he almost didn't mind the dark sky.