Hopefully any confusions or questions you have will be cleared up as the story progresses. I know it's a little all over the place at the moment but it'll come together and answers will be revealed. It's a little more angst-y than WIAA, but life isn't always puppies and rainbows, is it?

I don't own SoN.

Flashbacks are in italics

3 - Don't Look Back In Anger

Alex's PoV

"Hey!" I scowled as Spencer shut off the music that was playing in the living room. "I was listening to that."

"And?" She shot back while turning on the TV. "Go listen to music up in your own room."

"Wow," I glared at her and shook my head, "want me to remove the bitch stick from your ass or will you do it yourself?"

"Fuck you." She shot back, blowing hair out of her eyes.

Spencer was back from York after her first year during the summer. Carmen was spending it with her own family so she decided to come home and make my life miserable. Not on purpose.

I didn't think it was anyway.

She had terrible mood swings and couldn't take a joke. I was getting tired of it and I knew that our parents were noticing it as well.

"Why did you even bother coming home this summer? You've been acting like a bitch." I frowned and she turned to look at me, guilt washing across her face. "What happened at school?"

"Nothing." She immediately closed up again and went back to watching a hockey game. At least that much hadn't changed. "I'm just tired."

"Then take a nap." I sighed and slid down on the couch, resting my feet up on the table. "Did you see that post card Ashley sent?" I asked casually.

Of course she had seen it. Our mom had put it on the fridge.

"No."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "She travelled to Alaska with her parents and sent us a pretty post card. You didn't see it?"

"No."

"Huh," I slouched even further and grabbed the remote, switching the channel, "seems your head is farther up your ass than that bitch stick."

"How the hell do I put up with you?" Spencer stood up and threw a pillow back on the couch.

"Question is how do I put up with you?" I stood up, face to face with her. She was slightly taller than me but not by much. "Seriously Spence, what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing!" Spencer stomped off towards the kitchen and I followed her. I stopped and noticed that she was inspecting the post card, her fingers dancing along Ashley's writing. Her head hung and she just started to cry, falling to the floor.

I was at her side quickly and took the card from her hands, placing it back on the fridge. "Hey now," I whispered and pulled her into my arms, "why are you crying?"

"Because," she sniffled and her shoulders sagged a bit, "she's just so fucking stupid!"

I quickly pulled back and shook my head. "What?"

"Ashley could've found a way to make it work! She didn't have to break up with me, she didn't have to be all 'noble'. God," Spencer cried and curled her fists in a ball, hitting the floor hard, "she was right," she stood up and violently wiped her tears away, "she should have never fallen in love with me."

"Spence, you don't mean that!" I gasped and stood up to face her again. "Ashley did what she had to do. She cared so much about your dreams; she didn't want to stand in the way."

"Yea?" Spencer laughed incredulously. "Whatever."

"Look, at least she sent something. What have you done for her?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing." Spencer whispered. "I need to be alone."

"Surprise, surprise." I rolled my eyes at my sister and shook my head. "Go and take your nap. Come talk to me when you're done being a self-centred bitch."

"Would you stop calling me a bitch?" Spencer growled and pulled me back, turning me around to face her.

"Well then stop being one!" I yelled and poked her shoulder slightly. "You've been so moody! I miss my sister."

Spencer sighed as if she were slightly defeated. "Yea, me too."

"Spencer," I said softer that time and frowned in concern, "please, just talk to me," I paused and shook my head, "did you sleep with Carmen?!"

"No!" Spencer frowned and quickly shook her head.

"Then what is going on with you?" I asked again.

Spencer finally dipped her head and let out the most painful sigh before her eyes flickered to mine. "I'm pregnant."

I was sure I was going deaf.

Spencer could not have just said she was pregnant.

"Okay," I laughed and pushed her slightly, "shut up and tell me the truth."

Spencer growled. "I just did."

I grabbed onto the counter and held myself up. So that was what mom felt like when Spencer told her she was gay.

Gay.

"Oh God," I cupped her face, "are you okay? Do you want me to kick some ass?"

"What?" Her quizzical look caught me off guard.

"You were taken advantage of-"

"No." Spencer whispered. "I was just being stupid, I wanted to feel something, anything and what was I supposed to do, wait around for Ashley forever? I was drunk and I was in the moment at the party."

"What?!" I screeched and stepped back, glaring at her. "You fucking slept with a guy? You're an idiot! This will kill Ashley!"

"Ashley?" Spencer shot back. "I'm the one pregnant and you're worried about how Ashley's going to feel?"

"Well if you would've kept it on your pants!" I shook my head. "God that was stupid of you."

"Why did I even tell you?" She screamed and brushed passed me.

"If Ashley were my girlfriend, I would've never let her get away," I lowered my voice, "and I would've never deceived her by getting knocked up by some random guy at a fucking party."

"You know what then, little sis?" Spencer grabbed the collar of my shirt and narrowed her eyes at me. "If you're so fucking in love with her, why don't you go chase her?" Spencer grabbed her purse and car keys before slamming the front door behind her.

I stood there, feeling numb, feeling scared, feeling… lost.

Ashley and Spencer were supposed to find their way back to one another.

Both of them were losing themselves before the search even began.

//

I found myself parked in front of a large building with a hockey mural painted along the side of the building.

I could still remember the hurtful words I had said to her so many years ago. It wasn't right of me but I was lost in the moment and I was angry. Nothing was working out the way it should've and it was frustrating me.

So I did go see Ashley in B.C. I applied to University of Victoria and they accepted me with a full ride. I felt bad that it all seemed so easy for me to get to Ashley when Spencer wasn't really given the chance to.

When I had told Spencer that I was moving in with her ex, she pretty much disowned me. I wasn't sure if it was because I actually left her or if she was jealous. She had nothing to be jealous over; Ashley had pictures of Spencer everywhere. Ashley was under the impression that Spencer and I weren't on speaking terms due to her stubbornness, but I never told her what was said exactly and why.

I felt for keeping such a huge secret - the fact that the love of her life had given birth to Lucas Evelyn Carlin. I tried to tell myself it was for the best and that it wasn't for me to say anything. I was tired of getting in between the two so I decided to keep my mouth shut regarding it all.

"You look a little lost." I heard a voice say from behind me and I turned around, smiling at the redhead who stood in the parking lot.

"Hey Ryn," I gave her a small hug.

"It's not everyday we get to see a celebrity in our neck of the woods," Ryn smiled and stepped back, "nice to see you again, Alex."

I was introduced to Ryn over three years ago and even though I didn't know her as well as Spencer did, she was still considered a good friend. "You too, you look great!"

"Ah," she shrugged and adjusted her bag on her shoulder, "I'm just heading into the Rec Centre for a swim, got your suit?"

"Uh no," I laughed, "I was just going to see if Spencer was here."

Ryn shook her head. "Nope, she's at Rapture."

"Oh," I nodded and opened my car door, "thanks, Ryn."

"You sticking around?"

"For a bit." I nodded and we said our byes before I sighed and sat back in my seat. I closed my eyes and smiled instantly the moment I heard the familiar ring tone. "Hey gorgeous," I said as I started to back out of my parking spot. "I miss you."

"God, I miss you too," came the sultry reply, "So, since you're taking a small break from touring and my team's on a small holiday, I was wondering if you wanted some company?"

I grinned and gripped the phone tighter in my hand. "Hell yea, I haven't seen you in two months. I'm a little deprived here, babe."

Her laugh was music to my ears. "Alright then, I'll catch a flight to Winnipeg, can you pick me up?"

"I'm already on my way." I grinned.

"Great, I'll probably catch the next available flight tomorrow. I'll call you tonight with the time." She was smiling, I could hear her smile. "I love you, Alex."

I sighed and smiled even though she couldn't see me. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow." I whispered. "I love you too, Trace."

-\-/-