Chapter 17: A Shadow of Doubt
The following day, morning came early, or so it seemed. The sun peeked through his window, brightening his already radiant green mane. As he got up and prepared for the day, there was a knock at the door.
Opening the door, he heard somepony shout, "Sir!"
A small looking white colt stood outside. Nervously, he came to attention and saluted Storm. Returning his salute, Shadow released the soldier, while eyeing him slowly. The soldier was a sergeant, but looked more like a scrawny cadet that just got to basic.
"Colonel Gallop requests your presence at the base, effective immediately sir!"
Sighing, Shadow responded, "Of course. Dismissed Sergeant."
The soldier bolted off without warning. He seemed a little awkward for an aviator, but Shadow ignored it, and went about putting his uniform on.
After a quick flight over to the base, he found himself once again in Gallop's company. They were in a smaller tent, which appeared to be Gallop's quarters. The sun refused to penetrate the olive green canvas of the tent, forcing Gallant to light a candle as he entered with Shadow.
"You realize the implications of your promotion?" Gallop asked, standing tall.
"Yes sir, my leave will be cut short, and I'll need to go into active duty for the next month at least," Shadow answered, staring blankly at the wall.
Gallop nodded, and lowered his head, "I'm sorry, but it's high time you were promoted, and we need you on the battlefield. You're the best flyer this side of Equestria."
Shadow nodded, "Thank you, sir."
Gallop sighed and stated, "You can cut the formalities, it's me Shadow."
Shadow nodded, again, "When do I leave?"
"Tomorrow evening. Fillydelphia recently was attacked, and we need someone with experience commanding the air raids. Special Operations Command apparently wants hooves on the ground, so you'll be their liason."
"So is this base permanent?" Shadow asked, changing the subject.
"For now," answered Gallant, "I'm remaining here to oversee security operations."
Shadow nodded and bid his old friend farewell. After leaving the base he grabbed a quick breakfast at Sugarcube Corner, and took it out to a lone hill that overlooked the small town. He sat alone, observing the quiet bustle of the village, and how safe and unaffected it seemed by the war that raged in other parts of Equestria.
Deep down, he felt his emotions and darker self beginning to overtake his usual self. Attempting to will it away, he couldn't help but think about it.
'Why did I survive?'
Forcing the thought out of his mind, Shadow snapped out of his trance. He heard the trotting of hooves from behind and slowly turned around to see Fluttershy behind him. Her pink mane covered her face, and she seemed skittish as she walked towards Storm.
"Oh, hi there Shadow Storm," the shy pony said quietly.
Shadow returned, "Fluttershy, I'm not interrupting your nature sh-… stuff… am I?"
Fluttershy responded quickly, "Oh no, I was just picking flowers with Angel."
Storm acknowledged her, and quietly turned his gaze back to Ponyville. Fluttershy stood behind Storm for a few seconds before trotting off. Shadow sighed.
"Only the dead have seen the end of the war," Shadow stated aloud.
This was one of his favourite quotes. Back at Northplace Academy, he had first heard the quote during a farewell address from the General. He remembered his academy days fondly. Everything seemed so simple then…
A rustle of wind caught his attention. He turned around to see Fluttershy again, joined by Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle. They had snuck up awfully quietly…
Twilight, having overheard him, stated, "You don't actually believe that do you?"
Shadow turned back to his observation of Ponyville, and replied, "I do right now. If you haven't figured it out, I can be a bit... cynical, and depressing."
"What's got you down Hotshot?" Rainbow asked, surprisingly chipper considering the circumstances.
"I'm shipping out tomorrow evening. SOCOM wants someone in Fillydelhpia. Apparently I'm the only one available," Shadow replied in a monotone voice, adding, "Don't mind the military jargon."
Silence met him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Everything was so brilliantly perfect here.
He stood up and straightened himself, and stated somberly, "But such is my lot in life. I chose this path, this career. I knew this job was thankless. We're forsaken heroes, all of us. We do, we fly and we die, all because it's the right thing to do."
The air was dampened with sadness as he said this, revealing his troubled heart to the world. The other ponies remained silent.
Shadow continued coldly, "How do you know when you've gone too far though? Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I don't like what's looking back. When do you draw the line at which you become the monster, not the victim? I fight, and kill, for a living. How am I meant to function in a normal way after all this? I have sacrificed my very soul for the good of the nation, and I get nothing in return but the 'satisfaction' of knowing that everypony else can live happy, normal lives."
After a brief quiet murmur, Twilight responded, "Being normal is overrated. And I don't think you're a monster. I think we can all agree on that."
The other ponies nodded in agreement.
"I wish I could share the confidence you have in me, I really do. But every day I relive the horror and screams that I have experienced and heard in the midst of bloody combat. None of you know what it's like to hold a dying pony in your arms, as he shivers and shakes in his final moments," Shadow retorted, forcing back tears.
"I know what you're going through Shadow," Twilight stated, "its called post traumatic stress disorder. I've read about it."
"It's not just PTSD," Shadow remarked, "its war guilt. I see the face of everyone who has died under my command or at my side. I see the face of every changeling I've mercilessly and thoughtlessly beaten. It's only after the blood, and the screaming, that you realize the truth: they're exactly like you, just grunts taking orders and doing what they're told."
Shadow felt a cold but comforting hoof on his shoulder, and glanced at it to see its blue fur. His tension eased slightly, and his shoulders loosened. Shadow's head lowered and he stared at the ground for a moment. Shadow sat for a moment, and took a deep breath of the cool air that gently blew across the hill.
"I'm torn," Shadow stated, "I'm torn between my life here. It's calm and wonderful, and bucking amazing. But my duty to Equestria is out there. It's the lights and sirens of every airshow. It's the mud and smoke of every battlefield."
Shadow turned to the three mares behind them, and paused to gather his thoughts.
"I apologize. I've been selfish and narcissistic in my whining about life. I don't want to leave on a low note."
Silence gathered about Storm as he stared blankly. A sudden smirk spread from one end of his face to the other.
"I'm going out on a high note, let's go."
Shadow's smirk remained as he began to trot away. The three mares followed, albeit slowly. They looked at each other, confused by the utterly sudden change of emotion in the colt.
"What's going on?" Fluttershy whispered to Dash.
Shadow, hearing the whisper, answered, "Well, I guess if I'm leaving Ponyville tomorrow, I may as well have a little fun before I leave."
The three mares soon found themselves in Sugarcube corner. Three aircolts were standing to the side, talking and sipping on milkshakes, as Pinkie manned the counter.
"Attention!" Shadow commanded as he entered.
The RAF ponies quickly snapped up straight and saluted as Shadow walked by. Storm raised an eyebrow with a chuckle, as Pinkie rushed over took a stand in line with the RAF troopers.
"Pinkie, I need your help," Shadow began.
Pinkie bounced up and down in excitement, "Oo! What kind of help? Normal help? Partial help? NO! Thirty two point seven percent help?"
Shadow laughed slightly, but quickly answered, "No. I hear you are one to enjoy parties, no?"
Without a word, Pinkie dashed into the kitchen and emerged seconds later with a box full of streamers and various other party implements. Shadow smiled, still unable to fully fathom the way her mind worked. Storm then marched over to the aircolts, whom were still at attention.
"At ease," Shadow said, "It's good you guys are here. Name and rank."
"Private Berry, Blue sir!" one responded.
"Corporal Berry, Straw sir!" the other responded.
"Private Spork, Green sir!" the last answered.
"Private Spork, I have a new directive for you. Get to the base, and invite everyone you can find to Sugarcube corner," Shadow ordered, "The rest of you, get ready to party like a real pegasus."
The private took off out the door immediately and soon disappeared from sight. The others stood confused, but excited. Fluttershy looked to Rainbow Dash for clarification once again, only to be met with an equally confused shrug. Within a few minutes the private returned, with a fairly large group of RAF and Legionnaires following him.
As the troops walked in casually, Shadow barked, "FALL IN!"
Instinctively, all the troops lined up, ready for inspection. Shadow paced between the lines of soldiers that now crowded the small shop.
Storm grinned as he began his 'briefing', "Colts, and mares, tonight we shall leave our mark. We leave our mark on this town. Tonight, we party like real aircolts, real legionnaires. Each one of you must have done something weird or out of your comfort zone by the end of the night. Understood?"
The grinning troops responded with a cry, "SIR YES SIR!"
"Hooah?" Shadow asked again.
"HOOAH!" the troops cried again, much more excited.
"Dismissed!" Shadow ordered.
The night began with a crash. Cake flew about, pies were eaten, and all manner of silliness and stupidity erupted. Shadow smiled. He had finally broken out. This town, this promotion, they all broke him out. He was finally back to his goofy, silly self. He knew that his commanding officers would be incense at his 'misconduct'. On the other hand, he saw the faces and countenances of his fellow soldiers, and knew they needed a morale boost.
Pinkie Pie joined in the fray quickly, and soon confetti, balloons, and other party gag items were flying about. Dash joined as well after a few minutes, not sure what to make of it all. Spike joined too. Twilight on the other hand, sat in the corner reading a book, and drinking Sarsaparilla. She only joined briefly after she was asked to dance by a rather charming young sergeant. Shadow managed the party, and kept everything under some reasonable control. As the night wore on he found himself dancing, laughing, singing, and being a general idiot for the sake of fun. It was a loud night, and a night to be remembered.
As things quieted down, and Shadow was feeling the effects of the Sarsaparilla he helped clean up some of the mess made at Sugarcube Corner. After a few minutes, everything was under control. Dash asked him to walk her home, and Storm, in his state of sugar enhanced idiocy, attempted to put on his most gentlemanlike appearance and countenance. The two talked and laughed on the way home, as Shadow stumbled into a few objects (including wedging his rear in a garbage can) and did other various gags for Dash's entertainment.
As they arrived at Dash's house, Storm began to really feel the effects of the Sarsaparilla. The two pegasi sat on the front veranda looking at the stars and talking. Storm felt his stomach churning under the pressure of the various edibles he had consumed that night.
Dash turned silently to Shadow and asked, "Do you think you'll be coming back?"
Shadow ignored his aching stomach, and raised an eyebrow to indicate his lack of understanding.
"From your deployment I mean... how long will it be?"
Shadow pondered for a moment, and answered, "Well, it shouldn't be more than a two month deployment. I might be able to resume my leave, but I wouldn't count on it. As for the returning part... I'm not sure. Casualty rates have been rising higher and higher..."
Dash became slightly depressed by this comment, and asked, "What do you think though?"
Again, Shadow thought for a minute before responding, "I THINK I may die, but my heart... my heart tells me otherwise."
Rainbow became slightly confused, and asked, "What?"
Shadow explained, "Well my brain, it's like a ball of cold, tactical, intelligence. It can only see statistics. My heart... it's full of humour, and laughter... and love. My heart also is better at seeing the future than my brain. My brain can only surmise, but my heart can see..."
Rainbow was moved by his description, and snuggled in closer the stallion, saying, "Hold me."
Shadow complied with great surprise. He thought he knew Dash. He knew she was athletic, funny, and a bit obnoxious at times. He had never seen her act so softly.
"Promise me you'll come back," she asked, staring at the stars.
Shadow looked down at her face, as her eyes twinkled in the starlit night. He blue fur accentuated her eyes, causing them to look large and especially beautiful.
Shadow's heart melted as he answered, "Rainbow Dash, I, Shadow Storm, will return to you before October first."
Dash smiled, and was content. She continued watching the stars, and Storm watched her as she slowly drifted to sleep in his arms. An epiphany hit Storm as he sat there.
'She puts on this façade of coolness and apparent laziness,' Shadow realized, 'because she's insecure about her true self; an 'uncool' pony like Twilight... or me?'
Shadow looked back up at the stars, and felt he too was drifting to sleep. He watched as the pale light cascaded down on the little hamlet of Ponyville. Everything here was amazing; its people, places, and his friends. This was home.
