Never Forgotten Past
Last Time: Puck went MIA after not being able to budge his teacher on his geography grade. After not returning for a night, Sarah went looking and found him at his old house. After talk about whether or not Puck's a loser, his dad arrived and overall pushed Puck to decide to return to school. And that's what you missed on Never Forgotten Past.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any songs that I may put in here.
Keeping Calm
Sarah's Point of View
I knocked on the Berry front door and waited to be let in. I was going to be relieving Finn for the next few hours with Rachel while he helped Puck cram for his geography final. Rachel choked on her NYADA audition, pushing her into a crying oblivion. Finn and I decided to take turns helping our friends to even out the time.
The door opened and Mr. Berry smiled at me, "Thanks for coming, Sarah."
"It's no problem," I smiled back and stepped inside the unfamiliar house, "You have a nice home."
"Thank you," he replied, "Rachel's in her room at the moment with Finn. He said you two were going to switch on and off?"
I nodded, "My boyfriend, Noah Puckerman, is cramming for his final tonight and Finn and the rest of the glee guys are going to help him, so I came to be with Rachel."
"We appreciate all the comfort you can give," Mr. Berry said, "Her room is upstairs, the one with the gold star on the door."
I laughed lightly, "Ok," and headed upstairs.
Once in front of the door, I knocked lightly before entering. I sighed at the sight. There were tissues everywhere with sweatpants and sweatshirts thrown around, but that wasn't the worst. Rachel was laying in Finn's arms bawling her eyes out into my brother's shirt. Even though I've only known her for eight months, I've never seen her this upset and broken.
Finn looked up and sighed, "Rach, Sarah's here. It's time for me to leave."
Rachel sniffled and looked up, "Hi Sarah."
"Hi," I smiled and walked towards them, "How are you?"
"My life is over!" she cried and buried her face in Finn's neck again.
Finn and I exchanged a glance and I sat next to them, "Rachel," I said tentatively, "How about you sit up and we could talk or something? Finn needs to leave to help Puck."
Rachel turned her head and I was fully able to take in her swollen, red eyes and splotchy face. She gave a soft nod and climbed off Finn's lap onto the bed.
Finn stood up, "I'm gonna go, call if you need anything?"
Rachel nodded.
"Alright," Finn bent down and kissed her forehead, "I love you."
"I love you too," Rachel whispered.
Finn turned towards me and gave a small smile, 'Thanks,' he mouthed.
'No problem,' I mouthed back.
Finn left the room and I turned towards Rachel, "So, what do you want to do?"
Rachel stared at me like I was crazy, "Do you have any idea on what I went through the past 24 hours?"
I bit my lip, "Not exactly, no, but I know that feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. The feeling that the world is ending and you can do nothing to stop it. And I have felt like my life was over too."
"I forgot, you're pregnant," Rachel looked down at her comforter and wiped her eyes.
"That wasn't the only time I felt that way though," I said softly, "When my dad died."
Rachel looked up, "How long did it take for you to get past it?"
"Remember when I started school here?" I asked.
Rachel nodded.
"A few days before that," I told her.
"But your dad died three years ago," Rachel exclaimed with wide eyes.
I shrugged, "You won't feel like this forever."
"How do you know?" Rachel asked quietly.
I winced at the words, flashing back to when Puck yelled them at me the day before, "I don't, but I know that when September comes around, you'll be going to some other school and while it won't be the same as NYADA, it'll do for the time being and you could just try out again next year for New York."
Rachel fell backwards on her bed, "I want to die."
I held back a laugh and laid next to her, "No you don't. Besides, if you tried, I'd have to stop you before Finn gets any ideas."
Rachel cracked a smile, "Yeah, I guess your right."
I smiled back, "So..."
"How are you?" Rachel sat up and leaned back against her pillows.
I did the same, "I'm ok, I mean, I'm scared but I'm alright."
"What about with Noah maybe not graduating?"
I bit my lip, "That's a nightmare."
Rachel watched my face intently, "He loves you."
"I know," I looked down at the comforter.
"I'm sure he will be trying his hardest for both you and...," she drifted off. I looked up to see her staring at my stomach.
"You can say it, you know, I don't care," I said softly.
Rachel nodded, "He'll try his hardest for you and the baby," she whispered.
"I almost need him to graduate," I muttered.
"To watch the baby?" Rachel asked.
I shrugged, "And so he can work to get money."
"It's going to be hard, Sarah, but I know you and Noah can do it. You can always call me for help if you need it," Rachel reached out and squeezed my hand.
I looked up and smiled, "Thanks Rachel."
"Now, what am I going to do?" Rachel asked more to herself than to me.
"You're going to take the world by storm," I told her confidently, "So what you messed up one audition?" Rachel whimpered in response, "There's going to be way more that you won't get either, but there's going to be hundreds more that you'll do amazing at."
She gave a weak smile despite her silent tears, "Those aren't bad odds."
I shook my head, "Sorry, but it's just part of life."
Rachel nodded, "It sucks."
"Yeah."
The two of us sat in silence lost in our own thoughts until Rachel spoke up, "So, tell me about Baby Puckerman."
I smiled lightly, "What about them?"
Rachel glanced away then back at me, "Boy or girl?"
"Rach, I thought you'd know since you're all smart and stuff, but we can't find out if it's a boy or a girl for a few months," I told her.
"No, I mean, do you want a boy or girl?" Rachel asked.
I thought about it, "I honestly don't care, I would be fine either way."
"I guess that's the right answer," Rachel said, "But if you had to absolutely choose..."
I bit my lip, "I guess I would have to say a girl then because whenever I picture Puck with a baby, they're a girl. Maybe because I've seen him with Beth and his sister and it's the cutest thing ever, but I'm not really sure," I admitted.
"Girl's have cute little dresses too," Rachel added.
I laughed, "Yeah, they do. Boys can wear cute little overalls or jerseys though."
Rachel laughed as well, "That's true. I guess the moral of this story is that all babies are adorable."
I sighed and put my hands over my stomach, "It's so weird to think that I'm going to have one."
Rachel's laughter died away, "Are you scared?"
I nodded, "You have no idea. When we went to the doctor, a lot of what she was saying was about any possible birth defects or situations-"
"Who would do that?" Rachel screeched and sat up, "You two are already scared enough and the doctor's just adding to it!"
I winced, "Let me finish, but with everything she was saying, she was telling us a solution or a prevention."
Rachel sat back against her pillows, "Fine, I still don't like that you were told all that."
"Well, Puck was the one who asked for all of it," I muttered.
Rachel looked at me, "He was asking for everything bad that could happen?"
"Yeah," I nodded slowly, "Why?"
"Does he want the baby?"
My blood ran cold and my heart stopped, "What? Where did you get that from?"
"Just think about it, if he wants to hear about all the bad things that could happen to the baby, maybe he doesn't want it," Rachel said softly.
I felt tears form in my eyes, "Of course he wants this baby, I know he does."
Rachel gave me a side hug, "It's alright, everything's going to be ok."
"No, what if you're right? What if he doesn't want the baby?" I cried.
"Shh, just forget I said it, ok? I'm sorry, of course Noah wants the baby," Rachel comforted and squeezed my shoulders.
I nodded and wiped my eyes, "Fine, I'll stop worrying about it, but now that it's in my head, I don't know how I'll get it out."
"Maybe when the time is right, you could ask him?" Rachel suggested.
"Ok," I whispered.
"Let's watch a movie," Rachel said and stood from the bed.
"Sure," I gave a small smile.
"What do you want? Anything except musicals," Rachel smiled.
I laughed, "You can pick."
"Twilight, all of them, we need to let loose a little," Rachel grabbed a DVD and put it in her TV.
"Let loose?" I repeated.
Rachel shrugged, "I don't know, just watch something that we don't normally watch."
I nodded and smiled, "Ok."
"I'll go get popcorn," Rachel leapt from the ground, "Change into some of my pajamas or something, you can stay the night since our boyfriends are studying. You can wear some of my clothes tomorrow to school, they should fit," she then left the room to go to the kitchen.
I let out a soft laugh and stood from the bed to grab some of Rachel's sweatpants. I sighed before sending a quick text to Mom to explain what I was doing. I quickly changed and climbed under the covers to wait for Rachel.
~~~~~GLEE~~~~~
I leaned against Puck's locker as I waited for him to get out of his class. Today was the day he found out if he passed geography. I glanced at my phone, five minutes since the bell rang to signal the end of school.
I looked up to see Ms. Doosenbury pass by me. I put my phone back in my purse and ran after her, "Ms. Doosenbury! Wait!"
She turned and stared at me, "Yes?"
"Did Pu-Noah Puckerman leave your classroom? Do you know?" I asked.
Ms. Doosenbury pursed her lips, "I don't think he was planning on leaving any time soon," she turned and continued down the hall.
"What?" I whispered before turning and running down the hall towards the geography classroom.
I ran inside the door and stopped in my tracks. Puck was sitting in the back of the room at his desk just staring down at the paper in his hands. Slowly, I made my way back to him.
"Puck," I said softly, "Are you ok?"
He didn't blink or show any sign that he noticed me. He just kept staring at his paper.
I pulled out the chair next to him and put a soft hand on his arm, "Noah? Can you hear me?"
Puck put down the paper and looked at me, "I'm sorry."
My eyebrows went up on my forehead, "For what?"
His reply was to put his head in his hands, "I am so sorry."
I watched him, then realized he was probably talking about the paper. Hesitantly, I reached out for it.
"No," I whispered at the big, red F at the top next to his name.
"I'm sorry," Puck begged again, "I'm so sorry."
I dropped the test and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, "It's alright, shh, it's going to be ok."
~~~~~GLEE~~~~~
I slowly pulled up in the driveway. I looked over at Puck, he was silent the whole ride home, just staring out the window. He had finally stopped apologizing after about ten minutes and then had let me lead him to my car.
"We're home," I whispered.
Puck didn't answer and continued staring outside.
I sighed and held back a cry as I got out of the car and walked to his side, "Come on," I said softly as I opened the door and grabbed his arm, "Let's go inside."
That woke him up. Puck started fighting back, "No, I can't. I can't go in there."
"Why?" I asked and let go of him.
"They'll call me a failure," Puck whispered, "I have no where else to live, they'll kick me out."
I bent down to look him full in the face, "Mom and Burt will not kick you out, I promise."
"Sarah, please," Puck said quietly.
"Noah, we can't stay out here forever," I told him.
Puck stared at me, "I...I can't."
"Yes you can, I'll be right there the whole time. We can just go straight up to your room. Come on," I put my hand out.
After a minute of staring at it, Puck finally grabbed my hand and shakily stood from the car. I led him to the front door and squeezed his hand before pushing through.
We were hit with the smell of brownies cooking and the sound of a mixer going. I practically dragged Puck towards the kitchen where Mom was running around baking.
She looked up when I dropped mine and Puck's backpacks on the ground, "Good, you two are home. I have cookie dough right here and the brownies just came out so they're a little hot, but should be ready in a few."
Puck let go of my hand and walked away upstairs.
"Mom, why?" I asked softly.
Mom sighed and put down the spatula, "Sarah, I got a phone call today from Ms. Doosenbury. She explained to me that Noah failed his final exam and, in hand, failed geography forcing him to repeat senior year."
I looked away and bit my lip.
"I already called Burt and told him what happened. We decided to let Noah be upset for a few days before we set into him the seriousness of the situation, which is why I'm doing all this. I didn't forget what the three of you used to do whenever upset," Mom told me.
I glanced at her, "I'll take care of him for now. Could you maybe stop Grace or anyone from coming upstairs for a little while?"
Mom nodded, "The Star Wars DVDs are next to the TV upstairs."
A small smile formed on my face, "Ok."
"I'll be up in a few minutes with the food," Mom smiled back.
I nodded and left to go upstairs. I tried not to cry at the sight of Puck laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling in silence.
I walked over to him and sat on the edge of his mattress, "Noah, wanna talk?"
"No," Puck said.
I slid down next to him and put my head on his shoulder, "Why?"
"Because life sucks, that's it, not gonna sugar coat it," Puck muttered.
"Life does not suck Noah, I don't want you to say that, it scares me," I whispered.
"I'm not gonna kill myself, don't worry, I'll go on through life as a failure," Puck replied.
I held back tears, "You are not a failure."
"Yes I am," Puck said, "And now I've got a paper to prove it."
I sat up and moved on top of him. I put a leg on each side of his stomach and placed my hands on his chest, "Noah David Puckerman, you are not a failure, ok? If you were, I would not be dating you and this would not be your baby in my stomach."
Puck looked away, "Sarah, don't."
"Don't what?" I grabbed his face in frustration, "Don't stop you from personally ruining your life? Don't try and make this all easier on you? Don't help you find a way to be part of the class of 2012? Don't make you realize that we are the best things to have ever happened to each other and we need the other no matter what? Don't what, Noah?" I let go of Puck and stared into his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Puck said softly and I groaned, "No, wait Sarah, ok? I'm sorry for failing the test, but I'm more sorry for putting all the stress on you."
"That's a start," I whispered and put a light kiss on his lips, "Now come on, we have some Star Wars to watch."
Puck smiled and sat up with me, "Ok."
We stopped when there was a scream downstairs. Both of us looked at the stairs and listened. We realized it was more of a cry than a scream.
A second later, Finn came up the stairs with Rachel crying in his arms.
"Seriously?" Puck muttered and fell back against his pillows.
Rachel was full blown sobbing into Finn's shoulder as he sat down on his bed.
"Finn?" I called over the cries. Finn didn't look up and instead focussed more on his crying girlfriend. "Finn!" I yelled.
Finn looked up, "What?"
I motioned towards Rachel then Puck, "This isn't a good time for you to have your crying girlfriend up here."
"Sarah, it's fine," Puck muttered and sat up.
"No, it's not," I told him, "You don't need this right now."
"What is she talking about?" Finn asked.
Puck and I exchanged a glance before Puck faced Finn, "I failed my geography exam."
Finn almost dropped Rachel, "What?"
"Yup, not graduating," Puck told him.
I glared at him, "You don't know that."
"Yes, I do, Sars. If I don't pass the class, I don't pass senior year so look what happened. I didn't pass the class, so I don't pass senior year," Puck said.
"Noah, you can't give up," Rachel looked up with her tear streaked face.
Everyone stared at her, "Rachel, I don't think you should be talking, you're giving up," Puck stated.
Mom came in the room with four bowls of cookie dough and a plate of brownies, "I thought you guys would have started the movie by now," she gave us each of bowl with a brownie on top. Mom gave a pointed look towards both me and Finn before heading downstairs.
"What's this?" Rachel asked.
"Chocolate chip cookie dough and a brownie, eat," Finn told her as he dipped a finger in the bowl before putting it in his mouth.
Puck and I did the same. Rachel, on the other hand, just stared at the food as if it was disgusting.
"Berry, eat up before it gets really gross," Puck told the silently crying star.
Rachel nodded and took a small bite of her brownie.
I got up from Puck's lap and walked over to put the DVD in the player.
"What's going on?" Rachel asked once the opening screen flashed up on the TV.
"We're gonna watch Star Wars and eat this like we always do when something bad happens," Finn told her.
I clicked play and sat back down next to Puck, "We haven't done it in a while though."
"You haven't done it in a while," Puck muttered.
I turned towards him, "What do you mean?"
"Don't you remember?" Finn asked.
I shook my head, I was so confused.
"When Beth was born," Puck whispered.
"No, when she was given up," Finn corrected.
Puck glared at Finn, "Thank. You."
"Why would I remember that?" I asked.
"Because I called you to ask what to do when he showed up at our house the night Beth was adopted," Finn told me while still staring at Puck.
My mouth formed a small 'O', I remembered.
*Flashback: June 9, 2010*
My phone rang and I glanced at the caller i.d. to see it was Finn.
"Hey," I smiled and said into the speaker.
"Sarah, I need your help," Finn replied.
"What's that?" I asked.
There was movement on the other side of the phone. I could hear a soft sobbing over there as well.
"Dude, one sec, I'm asking Sarah what to do," Finn's muffled voice said.
"Finn?" I asked, "Who is that?"
"She's gone, she's not coming back."
I let out a soft gasp: Puck.
"Finn," I said this time louder, "Finn! What happened?"
The movement again and I could hear Finn breath, "Sarah, I don't know what to do. He just showed up crying saying that Beth's gone."
"Who's Beth?" I asked, I didn't think he had a girlfriend named Beth, I thought it was just Quinn.
"His daughter," Finn whispered.
There was a loud sob on the receiving end at the words.
"She was born?" I whispered.
"Yeah, right after we lost Regionals."
I leaned back against my pillows, "Wow."
"Sarah, please, what do I do?" Finn begged.
I thought until I remembered something. It was the day after we found out Dad died. We had stayed inside doing our usual coping method. I repeated the story to Finn who breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thanks, I forgot about that," Finn said, "Alright, I'll tell Mom and maybe she can start baking."
I nodded, "Ok," I was about to say 'Goodbye' when a thought occurred to me, "Hey Finn?"
"Yeah?" he asked despite sounding distracted with our still sobbing friend in the background.
"Give him a hug for me?"
Finn let out a shaky laugh, "Sure."
"Thank you," I said softly, "I'll see you later."
"Yeah, see you later," Finn replied and hit end.
I set down my cell phone as the tears slid down my face. I wasn't sure why I was crying. Was it because my best friend was hurting and I wasn't there? Was it because my brother and friend were doing something that the three of us created together in order to cope with the hard times? Or was it the usual? That I was crying for my dead dad.
*End Flashback*
Instinctively, I wrapped an arm around my boyfriend and squeezed tightly, "Was that the last time?" I asked softly.
Finn and Puck exchanged a glance before they both nodded.
"I had no idea you guys had so much history," Rachel mumbled.
The movie started and Finn scooted back with Rachel against him and Puck did the same with me.
I snuggled back against Puck's chest and took a bite of my brownie.
Puck's hand went through my hair and curled against my neck, "You gonna be ok?" he whispered in my ear.
I turned and faced him, "Am I ok? Puck, are you ok?"
Puck bit his lip, slowly he shook his head 'No' and leaned in towards me.
I let out a sigh as his forehead hit mine and brought my hand up to gently rub the back of his hair, "We'll figure this out, I promise."
Puck nodded.
I glanced down and dipped a finger in the cookie dough, "Open up," I smiled and set it on his lips.
Puck chuckled and opened his mouth, "Thanks, that's good."
"Shut up," Finn whisper yelled across the room, "We'll miss the beginning."
"It's not like we haven't already seen it," Puck shot back.
Finn laughed, "Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Shh, I haven't seen it before," Rachel whispered while still staring at the TV.
Finn, Puck, and I let out a laugh.
"You are too cute," Finn chuckled into Rachel's hair.
Puck threw a pillow that hit Finn and Rachel, "Gross."
"And you eating off of my sister's finger isn't gross? Yeah right," Finn scoffed
I laughed, "Whatever."
Puck pulled my waist closer to him and put his chin on my head, "Don't go," he whispered.
I squeezed his hand on top of my stomach, "Never."
~~~~~GLEE~~~~~
I stepped into my room after taking a short shower. I flipped on the light and let out a small scream at the sight of Puck laying on my bed.
"What are you doing?" I asked and ran over to him.
Puck sat up, "Waiting for you."
I let out a deep breath and sat next to him, allowing him to run his fingers through my wet curls, "So, after watching two Star Wars and eating half a batch of brownies and cookie dough, how are you?"
Puck shrugged, "I'll get over it."
"Really?" I asked and turned around.
Puck shrugged again and ran a hand down my hair, "I don't know, it hurts."
I nodded and put a hand on his chest, "I know."
"Being a failure sucks," Puck muttered.
"I thought we talked about this, you are not a failure," I said softly and squeezed his chest.
"I am a failure," Puck repeated.
I glared at him, "No, you're not," I squeezed tighter.
"Then why am I not graduating?" Puck asked.
I pushed him backwards, "Stop it, you're not a failure."
"Getting violent?" Puck smirked, "Hot."
I rolled my eyes and curled my fists against him, "Don't change the subject."
"I don't want to fight with you," Puck said.
"I don't want you to think you're a failure and I won't allow it," I told him forcefully.
Suddenly, Puck's mouth was against mine and I was being flipped over, "When you mentioned making me feel better earlier, I was more along the line of doing something like this," Puck whispered against my throat.
I nodded, feeling completely immobile underneath Puck.
Puck's finger traced my eyes, nose, then mouth, "Am I a failure?" he said softly in my ear.
"No," I breathed out.
"Prove it," Puck grunted before slamming his lips to mine.
~~~~~GLEE~~~~~
I woke to a soft buzzing sound coming from my nightstand. I reached over Puck's sleeping body and grabbed my phone.
Thanks for helping earlier, I'm glad you didn't kick me out when I 1st arrived ~ Rachel
I sighed, why was she texting me at midnight to say 'Thank you'?
Youre welcome. Y R U up? ~ Sarah
I got a quick reply:
I was watching star wars ~ Rachel
I laughed softly and text her back:
Lol, well goodnight ~ Sarah
You too :) ~ Rachel
I set my phone back down and settled against Puck's arm. I was about to close my eyes when a soft sob came from Puck's mouth.
It felt like a rock dropped down in my stomach. I quickly sat up and watched him.
A few tears leaked out of Puck's still closed eyes and another sob ripped between his lips.
"Shh," I comforted and ran a hand down Puck's cheeks to wipe away the tears, "Are you awake? Noah? Are you awake?"
"Mhmm," Puck replied and flipped over.
I put a hand against his back and rubbed soft circles, "It's alright to cry."
"I'm not crying," Puck sat up quickly and desperately wiped his face.
I went on my knees and crawled towards him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, "I won't think any less of you."
"Stop, I don't need this," he muttered.
"Yes, you do. You can't always be strong, it's ok to let down the walls," I whispered in Puck's ear.
Puck shrugged me away and stood. I stared at him in the moonlight as he breathed heavily.
"I'm not a baby," Puck finally said, "So don't treat me like one."
I sat back against my heels feeling slightly stung by the words, "Noah, I'm not treating you like a baby, I'm treating you how a girlfriend is supposed to treat her boyfriend."
"I don't like it," Puck said while still facing away from me.
A tear ran down my cheek, "Then what do you want?"
"We already did it," Puck muttered.
I smirked, but it faded within a second, "It didn't work though."
"Unfortunately," Puck turned around, "I still feel as crappy as earlier."
I made my way over to him and slowly put my arms out, "So now what?"
Puck shrugged against my shoulder, "I'm really tired."
I smiled, "How about we sleep then?"
Puck nodded and led me to the bed. He gently tucked me in before sliding in on the other side.
"I wouldn't have...done what I just did if I knew you were awake," Puck said softly.
"I know," I stated and grabbed his hand on top of the covers. I lightly played with his fingers, "I hope you know that I'm going to do whatever it takes in order to make you graduate."
"Thanks, I'll try and do the same," Puck whispered.
I moved closer to him and Puck wrapped his arm around me, "We'll figure this out."
"Yeah," Puck said, "We will."
I smiled and curled myself against his bare side. I placed a soft kiss against one of his abs and smirked when I heard him groan. I wish we could stay like this, where time stood still and we didn't have to worry about the future ahead.
~~~~~GLEE~~~~~
A/N: What'd you think? Some of it was sort of sad and stuff, but the actual episode was really sad too. Sorry for the kinda longish wait, but with finals coming up and such, it was hard to really find time to write. I'm sorry. Anyone have anything specific they want to see? Like a certain date for Puck and Sarah or a certain pairing of friends to happen? I'm open to everything. PLEASE REVIEW with any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions! I love all of them!
~~~~~GLEE~~~~~
Ace5492 - Thank you!
FinchelFan728 - I'm kinda going with Puck just came home after school the day that Sarah found him.
raem9898 - Thanks for the support! I think I am going to need your help and it might be soon, so I'll be in touch probably after I finish typing this. :)
stephpb1298 - Originally, I was going to do each separately, but after reading your review, I liked your idea better. So, thanks!
helloitsme1 - Thanks!
~~~~~GLEE~~~~~
Sneak Peak: Sarah stared at me for a second before standing up and launching herself on me. I gently patted her back and smirked, that was a total yes.
The next few chapters might be a little like some of the chapters a really long time ago, but I'm excited.
