Eternity
Stop. Please make it stop.
Shino stared, wide-eyed and frozen, from her seat in the back of the room. She couldn't move, she couldn't think, she couldn't speak, she could only look on as a sudden fear gripped her heart, strangling her chest and rendering her helpless.
Why? Why did they have to do this to her? Why did they have to do this in front of her? Didn't they know what it did to her? What it caused? Didn't they know that it caused the pain?
The girl sat, stiff and rigid, watching as two boys in her class were pretending to have a gun fight. It was stupid, and they were just messing around, pointing finger guns at each other. But to Shino, it was as real as anything she had ever experienced. Her dark eyes were glued to their hands as they shot imaginary bullets at each other, attempting to dodge.
One of the guys shot his buddy. He didn't move fast enough and was shot in the chest. He clutched his heart overdramatically and fell over onto the ground.
They laughed, but all Shino wanted to do was curl up into a corner.
All she could see was blood.
So much blood…
In a flash, she was up and out the door. She rushed down the hallway in a daze, trying to find a place of solace, of safety. She needed somewhere quiet and empty, somewhere she could let everything out.
Without realizing it, she had gravitated toward the stairs and burst through the door at the top. She realized that her lungs were on fire as she began to gulp down air. She breathed heavily, unevenly, her entire body shaking. The air refused to cooperate with her lungs. It was like all the oxygen had gone.
She felt like she was drowning.
Her knees could barely keep her upright any longer. She felt weak and stumbled into the wall. She couldn't stand anymore, she couldn't do this anymore, and slowly slid down and onto the cold, hard concrete.
She couldn't see. Her eyes, her vision…nothing made sense anymore. All she could see was red. That color. That heinous color. Why did it haunt her so? Why couldn't it just leave her alone?
Why did it exist?
Her knees were drawn to her chest now and her palms were pressed against the side of her head. Images were flashing before her eyes. She tried to block it, but then it was clearer behind the darkness of her eyelids.
Was this really how it was going to be for the rest of her life? It had certainly been like this for as long as she could remember. The constant pain. The constant fear. The images. The visions. The memories.
Red.
It was everywhere, all the time. Wherever she looked, it was there. No matter where she turned or where she ran, it was there. It was there in her dreams. It was there when she was awake. No matter how much time distanced her from it, it still showed up as a constant reminder of her hatred for herself.
But she was the only one.
No one else could see it. No one else understood. It haunted her and her alone. People thought she was crazy. People thought she was insane. But they didn't understand, they could never understand. They couldn't see it, never saw it. How could they ever understand something they had never seen?
She was alone, plagued by her past.
No one could help her. No one could save her. It was impossible for her to ever be rid of it because no one understood. She's been trying. She's been trying for so long to fix it herself, but it isn't working. Everything she tries fails and she is back to where she started. She's given up now. There was no hope of her ever healing, being normal.
Always. It's always been like this.
And apparently, it always will be.
A/N: I know that this chapter is kind of short, intense, and depressing...but don't worry, this isn't the end.
