Recap from Chapter 8
"What would you do if I kissed you right now?" He asks softly, searching her eyes.
Rory takes one of the deepest breaths ever, but she still feels like she hasn't gotten enough air. This wasn't happening. Just a few days ago, she'd had so much resolve that nothing would ever happen with Jess again. But now, with him so close… her instincts were taking over, and her brain wasn't working so well.
"I-if you kissed me?" She stutters, feeling dizzy. Rory was beginning to panic, she realizes. Because she wasn't backing away and she wasn't telling Jess to go to hell — both things that Rory should be doing as Dean's girlfriend.
Jess reaches out a hand. He gently brushes Rory's hair out of her eyes, tucks it behind her ear, and brings his hand down to cup her face in one smooth motion. Rory looks up at him as his thumb lightly caresses her cheek, searching his deep brown eyes.
Before the static between them explodes, a pair of foot steps breaks the moment. Jess drops his hand instinctively and looks behind him, squinting.
Rory turns as the two of them watch a tall figure step under the shine of the street light. Jess holds back a laugh as reality settles in and slaps him in the face.
"D-Dean?" Rory sputters, a look of panic coming over her face.
/
"What are you doing here?" Rory asks, trying to recoup. Somehow between her panic and her resolve to get a grip, she manages to clear some distance between her and Jess.
She steals a glance at him, finding a hard expression on his face.
"What am I doing here?" Dean asks, raising his voice. His eyes are darker than Rory's ever seen them, and something about that scares her. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I—"
"I've been worried about you, wondering why you're an hour later than you said you'd be, why you hadn't called like you promised," Dean throws his hands up, gesturing now towards Jess. Rory furrows her eyebrows, cocking her head.
"Dean, I didn't promise—"
"And I see you here with him! How do you even know him?"
"If you'd stop yelling at me and let me explain," Rory huffs, raising her own voice now.
"Explain what, Rory?" Dean flares, stepping closer to her. "That you lied about what you were doing tonight so you could hang out with another guy?"
"That's not what happened!" Rory yells, stomping her foot.
"Yeah, relax, man" Jess says suddenly, his voice low and steady. Dean looks almost as surprised as Rory that Jess said anything at all.
"Jess, please," Rory groans, giving him a pleading look. His eyes flicker to her but his expression doesn't change. He remains staring at Dean, that hard look etched into the corners of his mouth and eyebrows. Rory frowns. She hadn't seen Jess looking like this since the almost-fight with Phillip.
"Oh, you're on a first name basis, great," Dean scoffs, laughing bitterly.
"I'm sorry, when did we go back to the 50s?" Jess quips, his mouth twisting into a look of disbelief.
"Jess!" Rory protests. Jess was only causing her blood pressure to rise by antagonizing Dean.
"No," Jess shook his head dismissively in Rory's direction, staying focused instead on Dean. "What? Your woman can only know the names of people who you pre-approve?"
"I wouldn't talk to me, if I were you," Dean growls, pointing a finger at Jess.
"Still hurt over the Brady Bunch reference?" Jess asks, pouting. "Would a 'Leave it to Beaver' replacement do it for ya instead?"
"Jess!"
Jess finally breaks his stare off with Dean to look at Rory. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and it almost feels like she can feel her blood beginning to boil with anxiety. His face softens ever so slightly, only enough that she really notices.
"Please, can you go?" She asks, barely above a whisper. Jess purses his lips and sucks them inwards a bit, letting out the smallest of chuckles.
Rory watches as Jess retreats, taking a few lazy steps backwards as Dean breathes deeply behind her. She sees nothing but disappointment in Jess's eyes as he looks at her with an intense stare. Rory flushes under the heat of his gaze, looking down and rubbing her arm.
He turns on his heel then, shaking his head, and disappears into the diner, slamming the door behind him. Rory feels like she's committed a great offense, but shakes it away. She had other things to deal with. She finally looks to Dean, who is biting his lip and staring at Luke's.
"Dean, what is with you?" Rory tries, not pretending to be impressed by his behavior.
"What's with me? Tell me about you, Rory. Why are you with him at 9 o'clock at night?"
"I didn't know you were timing my curfew," Rory says with a scowl, scrunching her eyes at her boyfriend.
"Oh, now you think I'm being possessive, too? That's just great."
"Dean, you're putting words in my mouth!"
"Whatever," Dean snorts, shaking his head. "To think I've been an idiot the last few weeks, wondering why you're acting distant."
"Oh, I'm not acting distant because of Jess," Rory rolls her eyes, finding newfound confidence in her lie. "I don't even know Jess. I thought he was breaking into Luke's, that's why I stopped my car."
"What?" Dean flouts, regarding Rory with wary eyes. He didn't look convinced. Not that Rory blamed him; she was flat out lying to him.
"Ms. Leon kept me late because of something that happened during my session with my new client," Rory continued, getting louder as she spoke. "That's why I'm late, and I didn't call because I just wanted to get home after a stressful night, and I was driving past Luke's and saw him trying to get in the door."
"And you expect me to believe that?"
"Yes, because I'm telling you that's what happened," Rory insists, crossing her arms indignantly. Dean regards her skeptically, alternating between searching her eyes for the truth and glaring at the diner.
"That doesn't explain how you know his name," Dean points out, propping his hand on his hip as he gestures towards Luke's. "You're just magically all buddy buddy with the guy who was a jerk to me the other day?"
"First of all, that jerk is Luke's nephew," Rory informs Dean, throwing a hand behind her to gesture in Jess's general direction. "I know his name because I asked him when I thought he was breaking in. Second of all, how am I supposed to know he was a jerk to you? You didn't tell me anything about him, just that some guy made you mad."
Deans mouth twitches as he considers Rory's words and his breathing evens out.
"Dean, you're taking this all the wrong way. You're my boyfriend, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."
Rory stands firmly in place, crossing her arms across her chest. She knew she was in the wrong, for sure. But as guilty as she felt, she wasn't ready to discuss her weird relationship with Jess. Further, Ms. Leon had made confidentiality very clear to Rory. She had no business telling Dean that she knew Jess from group, anyway. Right?
"Well, if you say this is the truth, I have to believe you, I guess," Dean says sullenly, not much gusto to his words.
"Yes, you do," Rory replies in kind, kicking at the concrete underneath her converses.
"And Dean, I haven't been distant," Rory adds, looking up at him with sad eyes.
At least, I didn't realize I'd been, she thinks to herself as an afterthought.
"You never call," Dean mumbles, looking at his feet. "You barely answer pages. You don't want to hang out anymore. What else am I supposed to think when I see you at night with another guy?"
"Not that I'm cheating on you," Rory grumbles, shooting Dean a hurt look. And it did hurt, too, both because Dean thought the worst of her and because Rory might have done just that if he hadn't walked up.
No, you wouldn't have let it happen, she assures herself.
"Look, I'm sorry," Dean apologizes, taking Rory's hand in his. "I just miss you, and I saw you with him and, I just, I don't know. I freaked out, okay?"
"Dean, I'm just busy with school. This group work project is really demanding, and it's my senior year," Rory defends, looking down at Dean's hand in her own.
"I know," he agrees, nodding.
"And because it's my senior year, doing well is really important," Rory continues, emphasizing her words.
"I know this too," Dean insists, nodding.
"So I need you to trust me."
"I just don't like that guy," Dean backpedals, nodding a head towards where Jess had been.
"But you don't even know him," Rory counters, suddenly feeling very defensive. Her mom had enough to say about Luke's nephew; she really didn't want to hear more from Dean.
"Neither do you," Dean says pointedly, locking eyes with Rory. She backs off, swinging his hand and smiling at him.
"I know, but from what little I got to talk to him, he didn't seem terrible."
"That's because you're nice to everyone," Dean deadpans, raising an eyebrow at Rory.
"That's not true, I can be fierce," Rory says with a pout, giving Dean a grumpy look. She holds it until he chuckles and pulls her in for a hug.
"I'm sorry," he concedes, resting his head on top of hers.
"I know," she mumbles into his chest, sighing. Rory was just happy that her teasing Dean worked. She didn't want to fight anymore, and definitely not in the center of town. Rory was certain that people would be gossiping about it in the morning. She just hoped Jess wouldn't hear much of it.
"Dean, I have to go, it's late," Rory comments, pulling away.
Dean lets Rory go and gives her a strange look. Typically, she could read him right away, but Rory couldn't decipher this one.
"Yeah, okay," he says quietly, offering her a tiny smile.
"I'll call you tomorrow, maybe we can watch a movie," Rory offers, climbing into the jeep. Dean half smiles and chuckles, leaning into the driver's side to kiss Rory on the lips. She deepens the kiss, doing everything she can to convince Dean in this moment that she cares for him. He backs off, allowing her to close the door, and he waves.
Rory starts the engine and waves back. At that moment, Rory's phone rings. She holds it up through the window so Dean can see that it's her mom, and he waves a second time, walking home. Rory sighs and watches as Dean rounds the corner, disappearing out of sight.
Rory misses the call. Putting the car in reverse, she takes her eyes off of the road for a second to glance over at Luke's. Up in the window, a shadow moves away from view. Rory frowns before turning and heading home.
Jess moves away from the window, letting the curtains block Rory and the rest of the town square from sight.
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He felt like a tool. Rory made no efforts to stop what almost happened between them; in fact, she seemed open to it. And now he had to watch her suck face with the giant beanstalk? She had looked up at his window, though; that had to speak for something, right? Maybe not.
Jess sighs deeply through his nose. He didn't get Rory. She seemed more than ready to get close to him when it was just the two of them, but now he saw that it was contingent on her boyfriend being out of the picture. Thoughts about being an infatuation surface; maybe he was just an intrigue for this rebellious side of her that she never got to explore.
"Shit," he mutters to himself, hanging his head back in frustration.
This was why he didn't date. He hung around with the same girl for a few months, had copious amounts of borderline meaningless sex, and kept it moving before things could get too clingy. He didn't want to be this guy, liking a girl that he couldn't really have. Or, if he were honest, he didn't want to be a guy liking a girl. He was content to being "okay" with whoever he brought home.
You don't know anything yet, though. You haven't spoken to her yet, his subconscious suggests hopefully.
Jess shakes his head. He had seen enough.
But she lied to her boyfriend to spend time with you, his brain chirps again.
This was true, but Jess was done playing the game. It was up to Rory to make a decision, and until then, he wasn't ready to get smacked around like a pinball.
He wasn't an idiot. He knew she had a boyfriend. Everyone and their dog Fluffy had reminded him repeatedly. The only one who hadn't was Rory, and that's why he was in the emotional mess he was in now.
Rory could have her boyfriend, fine. But she couldn't have both of them. Based on her kissing Dean and what he could make out about her lie from the closed window, she seemed more concerned with keeping him a secret than anything. How flattering.
Jess shrugs, resolving not to bother with the girl as long as he could. He could squash these rising feelings for her, he was sure of that. He just needed something to distract him… or some one.
"Well, what do you want to do?"
Rory sits on Lane's bed three days later, hugging a pillow to her body. The two had been discussing everything that had occurred since Tuesday night. Rory really didn't want to break confidentiality, but she figured if her mother knew already, Lane finding out about her connection to Jess wouldn't be that big of a deal.
Rory really needed somebody who wouldn't judge her about what had been going on.
Her first thought, which surprised her even, had been to talk to Paris. Rory had brought up a hypothetical situation at school, and Paris had gone all King Solomon on her. In Paris' eyes, if guys could have multiple conquests, so could women. Rory hadn't gotten much clarity on her own issue, but then she supposed she hadn't been too clear for Paris to take it seriously.
The next option was Lane. She was afraid that Lane was so wrapped up in Dean-and-Rory-Land that she wouldn't be objective about a very un-Rory series of behaviors. But Lane was her best friend, and she had proven to be a bipartisan confidante in the past. So when Rory had called Lane, of course she was there for her. Luckily, Lane wasn't the self righteous type. She'd listened to Rory's woes and was now trying to be supportive. Rory loved that about her.
The last few days had been a whirlwind, and Rory didn't know how to respond to it. Rory had made good on her promise to Dean to spend time with him the next day, but she'd been secretly wondering where Jess was, how he was feeling, and why he hadn't messaged or called. Rory thought the evening had gone pretty as planned… that is, until she'd run into Jess at Doose's with Dean.
If they'd been monkeys, the boys probably would have flung poo at each other. Dean had pulled her in protectively, and Jess had glared at him. What was worse was that he had seemed to look right through Rory as if she wasn't there. Rory remembers the afternoon vividly.
"I can't stand that guy," Dean says, shaking his head. He grimaces at the front door, where Jess was exiting.
"But he didn't say anything," Rory points out, frowning.
"He's in a few classes of mine," Dean explains, nodding towards the door. "Makes a lot of snide comments and pointed looks at me. And now he challenges me here when I'm with you, like he owns this whole town. I'm sick of him."
"He's probably just adjusting to being new to town," Rory defends, lightly tugging on Dean's jacket. "You guys just got off on the wrong foot."
"I'm getting a little tired of you defending him," Dean bites out bitterly, huffing before staring at Rory intensely.
"I'm not defending him," Rory counters, giving Dean an incredulous look. Was he being serious?
"Well, it sure sounds like it," Dean scoffs, crossing his arms.
Rory couldn't believe what she was hearing. Where was her kind, sweet, trusting Dean that she had fallen for two years ago? She didn't know too much about this newer, more jealous Dean, but she couldn't say she was a fan. A pang of guilt rings out through her stomach, telling her that her shifty behavior had caused this.
"Dean, what do you want me to do?" Rory asks, feeling defeated. "What will make you feel better?"
Dean stares at her a moment, his eyes frantically searching her face.
"I don't want you to talk to him," he says finally, just above a whisper.
It takes everything in Rory's power to keep her mouth from gaping open.
"W-what?" Rory sputters, sure she's heard him wrong.
"I don't want you to talk to Jess," Dean repeats, grabbing Rory's hand. "He's bad news. I know you think the best of everyone, but I think he's trouble. If you care about me, you'll do this for me. You don't know him anyway, right? So it won't matter."
"B-but he's Luke's nephew."
"So?"
"So, I'm bound to see him at Luke's or in the town, or here, like we just did. What am I supposed to do? Just turn my head and pretend he's the Ghost of Christmas past?"
"Say hi like you always do," Dean says with a shrug. "But you don't have to be his pal."
"Dean, I—"
"Please, Rory."
Rory's heart breaks as Dean's demand shifts into more of a desperate plea. Something tells her that he's more afraid to lose her than she realizes. If she had learned anything from Ms. Leon, it was to find your empathy even when you didn't want to. Rory could choose to see Dean's behavior as erratic and possessive, or she could choose to see it as a hurting guy trying everything in his power not to let anything interfere with his relationship.
Rory sighs and swallows hard. How was she going to live this double life? She had a sinking feeling that it was going to bite her in the butt sooner rather than later.
"Sure, okay," she mumbles, staring at her feet.
Rory sighs, coming back to the conversation.
"I don't know," she admits, shaking her head.
Group yesterday had been really hard. She had been nervous all day, not knowing whether she should find out if Jess wanted to carpool. But having agreed not to speak to the guy made things significantly more difficult, so Rory had settled on traipsing into Luke's to find out where he was. Luke had looked startled, sputtered something about him going to a job right after school, and Rory had simply nodded and got a coffee to go. "Going to a job" was definitely code for anger management group.
When Rory got to group, she had anxiously waited for Jess to come in. Once he did, he didn't acknowledge her and had torn out of the room to his private session. So Rory had gone home, called Lane, and asked to meet up with her today to go over things.
"And Jess said nothing to you?"
"No," Rory pouts, sighing. "He just acted as if I wasn't there. And I don't get it because I wasn't mean to him Tuesday, I just asked him to go inside so things wouldn't get worse with Dean."
"Do you think he saw you guys kissing?" Lane asks, scrunching her face in thought.
Rory bites her lip, considering this.
"He might've. I thought I saw somebody at the window, but… Jess knows I date Dean? So he must know we kiss."
"Yeah but I imagine it doesn't pad the ego to know you guys almost kissed and then you start sucking face with another guy immediately after," Lane points out, shrugging her shoulders.
Rory deflates at the reminder of her almost-infidelity. It also brings her clarity on how horrible she's being to both guys.
"Lane, I'm a terrible person!" Rory cries.
"You're not a terrible person," Lane assures her, offering a sympathetic look.
"Oh really?" Rory counters, sucking in a breath. "I've been messaging and hanging out with a guy who isn't my guy, who clearly has feelings for me if he wanted to kiss me, right? Because why else would he want to kiss me unless he's just looking for a hookup, which would suck because I'm dating somebody, and that would mean that he just wants to be a homewrecker for kicks and giggles—"
"I definitely think he has feelings for you," Lane interjects.
"Well, then, it makes it worse, doesn't it? Because I've clearly spent too much time with him to allow that to happen, so I've lead him on thinking he has a chance when he doesn't because I'm dating Dean, and oh God, Dean! I've been dragging Dean's heart through all of Stars Hollow by having these boyfriend-girlfriend-like encounters with Jess, and Dean has been trying so hard to hang out with me, and—"
"Rory!" Lane yells, throwing a hand over Rory's mouth. Rory sighs and swallows.
"If I move my hand, you have to promise you won't keep rambling and that you'll let me talk," Lane says sternly, raising an eyebrow at her best friend.
Rory nods her head in agreement to the conditions. Getting so worked up wasn't helping her anyway.
"I'm going to offer you relationship advice. Not that I have anything to offer you because me and Dave are barely a thing, we're a thinglet if we want to get technical, but here goes my wisdom," Lane pauses to look at Rory in the eyes.
"I think you have a few options. You can stay with Dean and never speak to Jess again."
"But Lane, we have group—"
"Ah ah! No interruptions!" Lane scolds, pointing an accusatory finger. "Now, that's option one. Option two is you tell Dean that he needs to trust you and can't tell you who to talk to. I particularly like this option cause, you know, fight the patriarchy."
"Option three is you tell Jess how you feel about him and have a conversation about whether you can stay friends. Option four is you break up with Dean and pursue Jess."
"I don't really like any of my options," Rory admits, biting her lip. In at least three scenarios, she risked losing Dean. Dean, her rock, her sweet protector for the last two years. But now was the time to be honest with herself, and she didn't know if she could stomach walking around Jess and never speaking to him again. That felt just as painful.
"Tough cookies, kid," Lane says with a firm nod.
"Lane, I think I'm starting to really like Jess."
"Rory, I think you already do."
"But I love Dean," Rory says, perhaps to convince the two of them. She thinks back to her conversation with her mother, where Lorelai suggested that Rory could care for two different people.
"But are you in love with Dean?" Lane asks, ducking her head to catch Rory's eyes. "Because if you're not, I kinda think your decision is made."
Rory nods her head in thought. She needed more time to process this on her own.
"Thanks, Lane," Rory says with the brightest smile she's been able to muster all week. They hug from across Lane's bed and fall into a comfortable silence.
"So tell me about your thing with Dave!"
"It's a thinglet."
"Call it whatever you want, you've got a man in your life," Rory snickers with a mischievous smile.
"I do, don't I?" Lane shrieks excitedly, leaning in to tell Rory all of the details.
"Coffee?"
Lorelai raises an eyebrow and scoffs.
"Do you even have to ask?"
"You stressed or somethin'?" Luke asks, placing his hands on the counter.
Lorelai pouts until Luke rolls his eyes and begrudgingly fills up a cup for his friend.
"Gee, is it that obvious?" Lorelai groans, taking a long swig.
"Well, it's your third time in here in one day," Luke points out.
"What, you're keeping count? I feel so judged. Do you want to know how many times I blinked today, too?"
"You gonna tell me or what? Cause if not, I have less annoying customers I can tend to," Luke says pointedly, giving Lorelai a less than impressed look.
"It's Rory," Lorelai gushes after a pause.
"What's wrong with Rory?" Luke asks, furrowing his brows.
"She's been moping lately and every time I ask about it, she brushes me off," Lorelai explains sadly, sipping her coffee. "It's like I'm a leper or something."
"Maybe she just doesn't wanna talk about it yet."
"But we always talk! There's never been a time where we haven't talked. I thought I got to skip out on this moody, brooding teenager phase once we successfully passed sixteen."
"Well, you were seventeen once. You didn't talk to your mom."
"I had Emily, it's totally different. Comparing eggs and tomatoes, my friend," Lorelai says dismissively, shaking her head.
"Just give her space," Luke insists, ignoring her weird comparison. "She'll come around."
"Yeah. I guess," Lorelai smiles sadly, shrugging her shoulders. It did make her feel better to confide in somebody. Luke was great for that. He was probably right, too.
"If it makes you feel better, Jess has been acting weird too," Luke admits, wiping the counter off. He moved an empty cup off the top, hanging back into the doorway of the kitchen to pass it to Cesar.
"So what else is new?" Lorelai grumbles, wiggling her eyebrows to offset her tone. Luke doesn't look amused so she stops.
"In what way?" She asks, giving in.
"Stomping around the place more than usual. You know, I think even Rocky would have taken a seat to let Moody McGee walk past him," Luke confides, shaking his head. "I'm lucky I still have my head—damn near bites it off with every word I utter."
"Hormones?" Lorelai jokes.
"Not funny," Luke deadpans, glaring at his friend.
"Well Luke he's still new here, maybe he's adjusting," Lorelai replies thoughtfully. She still wasn't a fan of Jess. She'd had maybe one or two more interactions with him since the incident at her house. But Luke was there for her, so she would try her best to be there for him… even if she did have fantasies of hitting his nephew with her jeep.
"Yeah but all the time?" Luke wonders, throwing his hands up.
"It's not something that comes and goes like a rash," Lorelai snickers, smiling at the diner owner. "He'll snap out of it."
Luke sighs heavily and looks at the counter, scrubbing away a stain that apparently only he can see.
"Welp, I'm out," Lorelai informs Luke, finishing her coffee and grabbing her crossbody. "Thanks Luke."
The two exchange a warm smile. Lorelai could always count on him, she knew that. If she was honest, she couldn't get by without their conversations and his grounding of her life. If she were honest.
A thought pops into Lorelai's head as she's almost out of the door. She pauses for a second and turns to face Luke.
"Hey, how many days has you-know-who been acting this way?" She asks, biting her lip.
Luke grimaces and shrugs. "Maybe two, three days?"
"Huh," Lorelai breathes, smiling back at Luke. She waves and heads out the door, ignoring Luke when he calls her name.
Rory had been a brooding mess the last three days. To hear that Jess had also been, Lorelai could only draw one mom conclusion: the two had fought in some way. Lorelai would try again tonight to talk to her daughter.
"Hey kid!" Lorelai chirps enthusiastically. Rory walks into the kitchen, feeling a lot better after her talk with Lane.
She still didn't know what she was going to do, but at least the same options she saw for herself were seen by someone else. Rory bites her lip and takes a seat across from her mom. Lorelai looks expectant.
"Something up?" Rory asks, looking at her mother inquisitively.
"We haven't talked in a while," Lorelai replies simply, smiling at her daughter.
Rory holds back an eyeroll. Her mom had been pressuring her to talk the last few days.
"We talk every day," Rory reminds her, getting up to get herself a cup of coffee.
"Yeah but not about stuff."
"What kind of stuff?" Rory asks, looking over her shoulder. Lorelai gets up to assist in the coffee making.
"You know… stuff," Lorelai falters.
"Mom."
"I just thought if you wanted to talk about… stuff, we could talk about it, because we haven't talked about stuff in a while," Lorelai rambles, earning herself a look from Rory.
Rory leans against the counter and crosses her arms lightly over her chest.
"What's on your mind, Eric B?" Rory presses, raising an eyebrow.
"Well now I'm thinking how embarrassing it is that my daughter knows about Information Society."
"You won't get around this by criticizing my music choices."
"Okay. Fine. It's just. I talked to Luke today."
"And?"
"He told me Jess has been in a weird funk, too."
Rory deflates and sinks against the counter. She wasn't really expecting that.
"Oh."
"Yeah. And I kinda noticed you've been…"
Rory shoots her a death glare.
"Well basically Mary Poppins won't be inviting you on any adventures any time soon. So I thought maybe one had something to do with the other," Lorelai tries, placing her hands gently on her hips.
Rory considers this. She had two choices. Lie or seek wiser counsel and hope her mother didn't judge. The former seemed appealing, but Rory figures the latter would most behoove her.
Rory sighs and plops herself back at the table. Lorelai walks back over cautiously, taking a seat and watching.
"I don't know what his issue is," Rory admits, staring into her coffee cup. Lorelai doesn't say anything; she simply waits for Rory to continue.
"I didn't want to think about it before. But I talked to Paris, and Lane—"
"You talked to Paris about this?"
"Do you want to hear what's going on or not?"
"Fine. Sorry."
"Anyway. They both gave me conflicting advice, and I guess I'd like your thoughts too."
"Shoot."
Rory takes a deep breath. There was no going back now. If she admitted she liked Jess to her mom, it was basically being spoken into the relentless universe. There wouldn't be any taking it back.
"I think I like Jess."
"Uh-huh."
"And I think he likes me."
"Uh-huh."
"And there's Dean."
"Uh-huh."
"Will you stop saying uh-uh? It's not very supportive," Rory pouts, giving Lorelai an exasperated look.
"Okay fine. So you have feelings for two guys and you think they have feelings for you."
"... Right. Or I did until Tuesday."
"What happened Tuesday?"
"I… I know I told you I was staying at group late, which I did, but mostly it was to hang out with Jess."
Lorelai does her best to stifle a concerned face. She fails, but Rory appreciates it all the same.
"And when we came back… I don't know, I thought he was going to kiss me. And then Dean came and started a fight because he saw me with Jess, and… I told Jess to leave. And Dean told me he doesn't want me to talk to Jess... and now Jess won't speak to me."
"Does Jess know Dean doesn't want you to talk to him?"
"No, he just… started ignoring me. Even before Dean asked me to do that. Mom, it made group so uncomfortable. He wouldn't even look at me. I thought he liked me."
"Can I speak?"
"Yes, go ahead," Rory says with a nod, bracing herself.
"Are you hearing yourself? You're upset at Jess for not talking to you. But don't you think maybe he's kinda peeved that you hung out and then told him to leave you and your boyfriend alone?"
"But…"
"And you're more concerned about him not talking to you than lying to Dean about what you're doing."
"I haven't done anything!"
"Not yet, but it sounds like you got pretty close."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"No, Rory! I rarely play the mom card, but you asked for my advice. You have to make a decision. If you want Jess, go for him. You're about due for an angsty James Dean-like character in your life. If you want Dean, stick with Dean. But you can't have both. If Dean doesn't want you to talk to Jess anymore, and he seems like he has a reason not to, you have to respect that. But you can't drag their hearts around this town and then brood over why they're acting weird."
Rory slumps in her seat, lost in thoughts. She knew Lorelai was right, just like she knew Lane was right. Lane was just a little more diplomatic about it.
"But I don't know what I want. What if I throw things away with Dean and then Jess says he doesn't like me?" Rory asks sadly.
"Then you don't have a boyfriend for a little while to get over that," Lorelai informs her, reaching across the table to grab Rory's hand. "But you can't have your cake and eat it too. Figuratively speaking, obviously, because Gilmores don't believe in such things."
"I love Dean, mom. I really do," Rory whimpers, ignoring her mom's witticism. "But I barely think about him anymore."
Lorelai sighs.
"Then you have your decision, babe. Why don't you talk to Jess? At least then you can be on the same page with how you feel and gauge how to take things from there. But babe, do it soon. Dean doesn't deserve this. And I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but it's the right thing to do."
Rory nods and before she realizes it, tears start trickling down her cheek.
"Aw hon," Lorelai says sadly, getting up to wrap her daughter in a hug.
A few more days pass before Rory can't stand it any longer.
She'd done everything she could to focus on Dean to confirm her feelings. Rory had gone on walks, watched movies, attempted to have deep conversations. She was happy when she was with him, but Jess always lingered on her mind. And with the holiday quickly approaching, she knew her mom was right; if she was going to break up with Dean, it needed to happen before Thanksgiving.
Rory couldn't remember how she had fought back these images of him (and potential feelings) over the last few months that she'd known Jess, but it seemed obvious to her now that it wasn't going away. Every moment with Jess had been unpredictable and exciting, and even just the thought of hugging him brought butterflies to her stomach. She didn't get that with Dean.
On Tuesday morning before class, Rory made the decision. She couldn't wait any longer; she needed to talk to Jess and see how he felt. She had been able to avoid him all weekend, but now that it was a group day, Rory was too anxious to let it go.
With all the confidence she can muster, Rory walks over to Luke's. She checks her watch about a dozen times and fidgets with the sleeve of her shirt.
All you have to do is talk to him, she coaches herself.
You aren't declaring your undying love for him. You just need to find out how he feels.
Right. She could totally do this.
The closer Rory gets, the less nervous she feels. Jess had made it very clear that he had feelings
for her by his actions; she had nothing to lose. The worst he could do was say he changed his mind… which would suck.
But the optimist in Rory convinces her that he will be receptive to her conversation, and they can figure out what to do from there. With the diner in sight, Rory begins to feel excited. Her feelings and confusion had been eating her alive for weeks. Now that she could finally tell Jess how she felt, the feeling of elation could be unmatched.
That is, until he told her that he felt the same.
Rory walks up to Luke's and opens the door. The bell chimes and Luke turns his head, smiling at her.
"Hey Rory."
"Hey Luke. Is Jess—"
Rory's words catch in her throat as she finds the person she's looking for. At the sound of her voice saying his name, Jess detaches his face from the blonde leaning over the counter to stare at Rory. Some curious expression flickers across his countenance, but as Rory's vision blurs from tears that spring up under her eyelashes, she doesn't stick around to decipher it.
Feeling like the world just smacked her with a two by four, Rory turns quickly on her heel and bolts out of the diner, not stopping until her feet carry her home.
AN: Thanks for reading :) For the record, I wanted to punch Rory and Dean basically the entire chapter. Things are gonna speed along a little bit in the story now. We need to get to snow weather.
