"Not again!"

Ashei glanced up from her spot on the bed as Ilia emerged from the bathroom, slamming the door behind her in disgust. It seemed that her nighttime routine had been disrupted by something unpleasant, to say the least.

"See your reflection?" Ashei asked with a smirk.

"No—hey!" Ilia cried. She crossed her arms with a huff. "I pulled back the shower curtain and Mildred was in there taking a bath. Why'd you ever bring her home?"

Ashei raised her eyebrows. "If you think it was my idea, think again. The girl glued herself to Link. He felt all bad for her. If it'd been me in his situation, I would have left as quickly as possible, yeah?" She was quiet for a moment. "Besides," Ashei added as an afterthought, "Mildred isn't that bad. She's been cleaning up after us for weeks, now. The inn has never been this clean. Telma will be pleased at the change when she gets home."

Ilia sighed. "When is Telma coming home?" she asked, sinking down onto her own mattress. "I miss her."

Ashei shrugged, glancing out the window at the moonlit streets. "Um… the day after tomorrow, I think."

"Well, I hope she hurries up," Ilia harrumphed, planting herself under the covers and pulling the quilt up to her chin. "If she's gone for too long, things could start to get crazy."

"Crazy?"

"I—well, I don't know," Ilia stammered. "It's just, Link said the other day that we should throw a wild house party before Telma gets back home because I guess it's been a really long time since he—"

Ashei shot up out of bed. "That's it!" she cried. "A wild house party!"

Ilia looked terribly confused. "What does that mean?"

"I've been trying to find a way to get Link to open up," Ashei explained. "I've been at it for awhile now. He's all secretive, you know? He's loud and obnoxious half the time and the other half of the time he sulks in his room. Anyway, I figured if we could get him really drunk I could find out what he sulks about."

Ilia looked a bit dubious. "Link is a very complicated person," she countered. "I don't think it's a good idea to go fishing for secrets, especially not with him."

"I don't think anything's a good idea," Ashei explained. "That's why I do most of it."

"Can't disagree there," Ilia mumbled.

"A wild house party is just what we need," Ashei insisted. "We could fit a hundred people into Telma's Bar, easy. And we can do it tomorrow night. We just need to make sure everything's cleaned up by the next morning. We wouldn't want Telma finding out…"

"This is awful, we're gonna get in so much trouble—"

"Shut up, Ilia," Ashei ordered, putting out the lantern and crawling back into bed. "This is going to be awesome."

Ilia's voice sounded from across the room. "Yup," she said, pressing her nose into her pillow and sighing. "We're all doomed."

Shad stood in the middle of the empty bar, reading aloud from the clipboard in his hand.

"Snacks," he said.

"Check," Mildred answered, who was perched on a crate in the corner.

"Decorations," he continued.

"Check."

"Party hats."

"Check."

"Assorted party games."

"Triple check."

"Hey!" cried Shad as Ashei materialized behind him, swiping the clipboard out of his grasp. "What was that for?!"

"This is not how you plan a party," she insisted, tossing the clipboard to the side. "Not this type of party, anyway."

"But I like pin-the-tusks-on-the-bullbo…"

"Do you want it to be pin-Ashei's-foot-on-the-Ginger?"

"What—me!?"

"Just let me do the planning," Ashei insisted. Shad rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he said. "But when your party guests are begging for a piñata and you don't have one, don't come crying to Shad." He limped off with a humph.

"Did you raid Telma's storage shed?" Ashei now asked the little bulbin sitting across from her.

"Yup!" Mildred answered with pride. "Sure did. See all these crates? They're filled with all sorts of stuff."

"You're the best," Ashei muttered in a sort of daze. "I've raised you well." Footsteps sounded behind Ashei and she turned on her heel. "Oh. Hey, Link."

"Hey." Link took a few steps over toward Ashei, scrutinizing the crates. "This is a terrible idea," he muttered.

"I know. It is."

The pair looked up at one another and grinned simultaneously, breaking into laughter.

"The last party I went to was Mayor Bo's 50th," Link admitted. "Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but sumo-wrestling isn't really my thing and I spent the entire evening getting pummeled by sweaty gorons."

"Gorons can sweat?"

"Anyway, we oughtta get ready. Mildred spread the word around town this morning… people should be arriving pretty soon." Link glanced at the door in apprehension. "You said Telma would be back in twenty-four hours?"

"Yup. Why?"

Link shrugged. "I just hope no one pisses too high up for us to clean."

"Drinks? Drinks? Anything to drink? Ice box is on the far left, go pay it a visit, it's lonely!"

"Why do you insist on getting everyone so drunk?" Shad muttered into Ashei's ear.

"No reason," she answered innocently. A small crowd had already gathered in the bar. They had become quite rowdy already, shouting and singing and taking swigs from their bottles. A few drinks had already been spilled and it hadn't even been an hour since the party started.

"Yeah. Sure. Is it everyone, or someone in particular you're trying to undo?"

"Undo?" Ashei repeated. "You speak so ungracefully, Shad…" she moseyed off through the crowd, leaving the poor scholar by himself.

Someone bumped into Shad from behind. He turned inquisitively. "Who…" His eyes lit up. "Oh, Ilia!"

Ilia looked absolutely lost. "I need your help," she said. Shad's brow knit together.

"What does that mean?"

"I've never been to parties like this before… I'm not from the city, so..."

"Oh," Shad said, catching on. "I see. All right, well, I suppose we can get you settled in." He took her arm and led her over to the bar, where Mildred was serving drinks from atop another stack of crates.

"Two of… uh, anything," said Shad, scratching his head. He had no idea what he was doing, but he'd never admit it. Mildred slid two bottles in their direction.

"One for Master Shad, and another for Mistress Ilia," Mildred chanted, turning to face whoever was next in line.

"Now," Shad continued, "we just, uh… open our drinks… uh, like this… no, like this…"

Shad stared at the sealed bottle in frustration. He tapped it on the corner of the bar a few times, but nothing happened.

"We don't have to drink," Ilia said quickly. She was obviously uncomfortable.

Shad sighed in relief. "Okay," he said. "I suppose we could just sit and talk, if you would prefer that."

"Yes," breathed Ilia. "Yes, please. That sounds much better than, uh… well, whatever that is." She gestured over to the other side of the room, where a drunk man had climbed atop a table and had started to sing.

On the other side of the room, Ashei found Link. She smiled when she saw he had a bottle in his hand. "Good to see you plan to let loose," Ashei said.

Link's mouth twisted to the side. "I guess," he said. "Although, I don't know… I hate to say it, but you're being kind of pushy and suspicious."

Ashei blinked a few times. "Come again?"

"If people don't want to drink, don't make them," Link said. "We're just having a good time…"

Ashei harrumphed. Link was not supposed to have common sense at a time like this. She wanted to figure out what his secret was, and she knew he had one. He had made it so obvious a few weeks ago when they had gone out for that fight. He had been so fierce about not killing anybody. She knew he was hiding something. And she was determined to find out.

It was for his own good, after all.

The evening wore on into night. The hour grew later and the bar only continued to fill up with party-goers. Slowly, the crates filled with alcohol emptied out, and the state of the guests became increasingly uncontrollable.

It was almost midnight and things were going well. Ashei was keeping a close eye on Link. They were sitting at a table with a group of three former Hyrulean soldiers that had left service after the dark days ended.

"And myself, well I told myself, well, self, you're never going back there. Uh-uh, no sir-ee, there're monsters and ghosts and… and monsters…" one was rambling, probably talking about Hyrule Castle. (Although, who really knew, at this point? Only moments earlier he had been discussing his wife—perhaps he was speaking of home?)

Another former soldier hiccupped. "Know what you mean," he drawled. "There were rats, so many rats in those damned sewers… rats in my shoes, and my clothes, and my hat… ha, ha. Rat in my hat—uh—rat-a-tat-tat. Ha."

They were beyond repair at this point and Link only completed the set.

"Ghost rats," he was saying. "Ghost rats, they climbed all over you with their cold little feet… like getting pinched, only worse, 'cause they're cold."

Ashei was pretty drunk herself but she listened in closely. Link didn't usually talk about Hyrule Castle. This was good, this was very good.

"Only worked when I was a dog—hey, I ever tell you fellas I was a dog? 'Cause I was. A wolf, actually."

"Codswallop!" a guard declared, his head falling forward onto the table. His eyes drifted shut and he let out a loud snore, bottle still in hand.

"It's true, though," Link insisted. He turned to Ashei. "You believe me, right? You believe that I was furry… and, and… I could change. I changed back and forth all the time. Can't change back now, though. I'm stuck as a human. Still a bit dog, though, I think. I've got a strange hankering for meat… Every time someone throws something I wanna fetch it. And I've been burying my wallet. Bad habit. Keep losing track of my rupees…"

Ashei felt her heart drop. Had she gotten Link too drunk? She knew there had been some magical component to his adventures, but to morph completely into a dog? Even that seemed a bit odd.

"I liked being a dog. Liked it better than being human, I think. Everything tasted good. And smelled good. I once devoured a trash can, lid and all…"

Yup, he was way too drunk. Ashei was considering giving up when Link continued with something significantly more interesting.

"Maybe I just liked having her around, though."

Ashei turned to face the drunken hero. "Her?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Link, blinking a few times. "Wait, who…? Oh, yeah! Midna."

Now Ashei sat straight up, careful to listen to everything Link was about to say. "Who was Midna?" she asked. Would this be a breakthrough? Was this the first step in solving the puzzle of Link's character? This… Midna?

"Midna was my… favorite," Link answered, obviously a little confused by himself.

"Your favorite what?"

"My favorite everything."

He was drunken and sleepy and for some reason the way he said it broke Ashei's heart. My favorite everything. Some girl that Link had known…

"What happened to Midna?" Ashei continued.

"She left," Link said, gripping his bottle in anger. "She left me, but she didn't want to. She had to, because if she stayed… it would just screw everything up."

"Everything?"

"Yeah," Link grumbled. "Everything. Because it would leave Hyrule at risk. Monsters and shit."

"Monsters and shit," Ashei repeated dully.

"She kept me sane, Ashei. She kept me in line. I loved her." He stared at Ashei, blue eyes wide. "I loved her," he repeated. "Still love her."

This was it. This was why Link had fallen apart. He had lost this Midna, this girl who he loved and who had kept him in control of himself through his journey. Ashei had always wondered how Link had been able to go on such adventures in solitude.

Now, she understood.

He was never alone.

Of course, she didn't quite understand how Midna staying would put Hyrule at risk, but she didn't need to know all of the details now. She understood the basics of Link's situation, and that meant a lot already.

It had worked. Her plan had worked.

Keep talking, she reminded herself.

"Where did Midna go?" Ashei asked.

"Far. Too far. Can't come back now," Link sighed. "When she left I went back to Hyrule Castle… don't remember much after that. Doc says I was out for weeks…"

"Doc?"

"Doctor Borville," Link clarified. "He treated me in the castle. Zelda was there. She was really good to me… reminded me a lot of Midna, maybe that's why I liked her." Link eyed Ashei curiously. "You remind me of Midna… maybe that's why I like you."

"I had a girl I loved once," droned the soldier that hadn't fallen asleep. "Don't know what happened to her. I'd give an arm and a leg to have her back, though. She was a beauty, all right. Curly red hair."

"Midna had red hair," Link commented. "She once strangled a man with her hair. Say, Ash, did I ever tell you 'bout the time I got in a fight with a squirrel over a nut? It was a year and a half ago…"

And that was when Ashei was certain the conversation had died.

The party had grown out of control. The bar was bursting with people, and Shad was surprised that the building hadn't given out completely. It wasn't built to hold quite this capacity. What had Mildred promised that had gathered so many guests?

Ashei appeared beside Shad and Ilia.

"You've got to hear this," she was saying. "I was talking to Link… he's really hammered, and he was rambling about some girl he loved… Midna."

Shad's face lit up in recognition. "Midna?" he said. "Link mumbles that in his sleep all the time! I didn't realize it was a name…"

"He said she left after the dark days. 'Too far to come back' or something. Do you think she… you know… died?"

"I don't know," answered Shad, clearly puzzled. "It's possible. It would certainly explain a lot about Link… I want to know more," the scholar admitted, "but I think it's a bad idea to keep asking. Link's dangerous, and I don't want to pry if it's going to hurt him. But who would know more about Midna that could help us solve the mystery?"

Ashei paused. Then, her eyes widened. "Princess Zelda would know," she realized. "Princess Zelda was there for that last battle. Link said he was hospitalized and that Zelda took care of him for weeks. And Doctor Borville, he was there, too." She gave a short nod. "I'm going to call a meeting, and I'm going to do it soon," she declared. "I'll meet with Zelda and Borville."

"Sounds like a plan—" Shad said.

"Hey, fellas!" A lively party guest bounded in the direction of Ashei, Shad, and the surprisingly quiet Ilia. "We've got a game goin' on in the center of the bar. Good game, too. Come on, join in—" he glanced over Ashei and Ilia— "'Specially you pretty girls, you'll be the best part."

Why a drunk party guest would want two young women in a game didn't make any sense until the puzzled three approached the growing huddle in the middle of the room. They pressed to the front, where a circle had been formed.

"Spin the bottle?" Ashei cried in anger as a man and a woman facing each other from opposite sides of the circle reached across and shared a clumsy kiss. Ashei sighed. The purpose of this party was to break into Link's mind, not to swap spit with sweaty, wasted idiots.

"Come on, join in!" someone cried, their face cracking into a smile. "It'll be fun!"

"No way," Ashei said stubbornly.

"For the first time ever, I think I'm agreeing with Ashei," Shad decided. "This is just another way of sharing germs, and we all know how quickly disease spreads in the city."

"I told you that you ought to be a doctor!" Ilia said.

"Can we not talk about that?" Shad protested, maneuvering off to the side. Ilia trailed after him.

"I'm not dropping it," Ilia insisted. "Not until I win."

On the other side of the circle, Link had found Ashei. "C'mon, Ash, join us!" he was saying.

"I said no way. Back off, yeah?"

"You're just scared," Link scoffed. "That's not like you, not like you at all."

"Maybe not."

"Cucco! You're cucco!" Shouts of cucco echoed around the circle until finally Ashei groaned in exasperation.

"Fine!" she cried. "You want to call me scared? I'll prove you all wrong! I'm not scared of anything!" She took her place sitting in the circle. Link plopped down and grinned in triumph. He had known it would work.

Ashei took a swig out of her bottle. "Who's next?" she said.

"I am," a former guard said. There were about ten people in the circle—six men and four women—and so it wasn't very odd that the guard's spin ended up pointing to Ashei.

Ashei sighed. "All right, then," she said, leaning across and planting a forced kiss on the grinning guard's face.

Link laughed at that first kiss. It meant nothing to him. It was actually funny to see Ashei do something like that, to kiss someone. It was so out of character for her.

But then the second man in the circle spun the bottle, and it landed on Ashei again. And this time Link actually watched. He watched her lean forward, plant her lips on the other man. He observed her hand as it trailed onto the other man's neck and lingered there for a few seconds, and then cringed as she broke away and breathed a hot gust of air onto the other man's chin.

Goddesses, that frustrated him. Something broiled in Link's stomach—anger? Jealousy? The first kiss hadn't affected him. The second one, when he had actually watched it, had. Was it because he wanted that?

He tried to shake it off. He did not want that, he did not want to kiss Ashei, Ashei was his friend and his partner in crime and that would just be so awkward—

Oh, that was it. Ashei had spun this time and it had landed on yet another man. For the third time that night, Link watched her reach over and kiss someone else.

He was next in line to spin. Angry and out of sorts, he gave the bottle a calculated spin. This bottle was landing on Ashei, dammit, he didn't care if he had to point it that way himself. It pirouetted across the board, a dangerous weapon in the game of love. Link watched it furiously, eyes narrowed, teeth clenched…

"Come here, lover boy."

He hadn't expected Ashei's voice to be that intoxicating and it was actually quite alarming. It was raspy, it was drunk, and he was desperate for her kiss. With a cheer of approval from the crowd, Link tilted his chair forward, drink in hand, and pulled Ashei into him.

Shad broke to the front of the crowd in horror just as Link caught Ashei in a drunk, passionate lip-lock that lasted longer than it should have. Ashei started to pull away and then Link went in for more, probably not realizing exactly what he was doing and definitely not caring. And neither, evidently, did Ashei, whose glass had fallen from her hand and shattered as she reached a shaking hand up to tousle Link's hair…

"Enough of this," Shad finally said, knowing that it was only going to get worse if he didn't stop it. He caught Ilia's eye and with a nod Shad grabbed Ashei's shoulders, Ilia grabbed Link's shoulders, and they wrenched the two apart.

They were both panting and Link's flushed face made it fairly obvious that, unrestrained, he and Ashei could have gone a lot farther than the boundaries of their "friendship" permitted.

After a few seconds, Link's mind cleared substantially and he gaped at Ashei in complete horror, realizing that this action would have consequences. Long, awkward, probably hormonal consequences.

Because until now, he'd never been attracted to anyone like that. He'd never been so urged to just go at it. He'd met a ton of pretty girls—Zelda, Ilia, Midna—but he'd never had any desire to… Oh, goddesses. He would never be able to look at Ashei the same way again.

"I have to go," he said, not even wanting to see Ashei's face—writ with shock, obviously—and with that he burst free of the crowd, tripped over the carpet, stumbled to his feet, and disappeared upstairs. He shot down the empty hallway, opened his door, only to find that his bed was occupied, of all things. He took a few steps forward and kicked the two drunken lovers out of his room without a second thought. Then he marched into the bathroom, slammed the door behind him, and stared at his own face in the mirror.

This was bad. This was very, very bad. Didn't this ruin everything? Wasn't this just the first step into another one of Link's all-gone-wrong endeavors? Because he was supposed to marry Ilia, and he was supposed to have a crush on Zelda, and he was supposed to still be desperately in love with Midna. And the truth was, well, up until five minutes ago, that had all been true. But now everything had flip-flopped in a matter of seconds. Ashei hadn't even been in the equation until now.

Not to mention the slip he'd had. Ashei knew all about Midna, which was undoubtedly an obstacle. Actually, everyone probably knew about Midna at this point, knowing Ashei's tendancy to pry and gossip. Which meant Ilia knew as well, which was a real problem, because he was technically supposed to start courting her sooner or later. Wasn't that why Rusl had brought her here?

Link hated being a teenager. He honestly despised it. Romance was weird and confusing. Fairy tales made it seem beautiful but the more Link experienced it the more he realized… love came with a number of unusual and uncomfortable side-effects. Had nobody thought to warn him of those?

He made a mental note to thank Shad the next time he saw him. The image of the lovers making out on his bed came to mind and Link realized that, if not for Shad, that very well could have been him right now.

He'd never been so glad to have that dorky scholar around.

And yet again I wait a few months to post an update. Life takes over, I guess.

FINALLY, SOME DEVELOPMENT. This is where the story kind of takes off. In the next chapter: Ashei meets with Princess Zelda and Doctor Borville to further analyze the mystery that is Link. Ilia and Shad attempt to clean up the mess that the party left behind. Link contemplates ways to get Ashei off of his mind. Awkwardness level: 100. Telma's going to have a field day with this one.