Thank you for the reviews.
So, I don't really know how this will plan out. This story is currently in a 'post when I can' status. I basically wrote this chapter in a couple of hours, only finishing it like half an hour ago. I am planning on asking for fewer hours tomorrow so we will have to see how things pan out.
Chapter 13
The Admission
River couldn't help herself as she peered out of the window to watch Eleven and Clara walk. She wanted to see if Eleven meant what he said, that he hadn't fallen in love with Clara. It was hard to determine when she couldn't hear what they were saying but every day that passed and he stayed in her company, she became less positive about it.
She knew that she couldn't do it. She couldn't marry Twelve and watch Eleven marry someone else. Even if they did live separate lives, she would have to be on the other side of the universe to even have a chance to get over Eleven. The only way she would get over him was to never to see him again.
She wanted to go and tell Twelve that she wants to end the agreement made for them and that the reason is that she was in love with Eleven. She was certain that he already knew that but he deserved to know why. Even if it would break his heart.
She knew why the agreements were made like they were. She knew why Twelve was chosen for her but, in her heart, she only wanted Eleven. She wanted to curse the universe for making them meet beforehand. She roughly wiped her cheeks as she felt the tears roll down them. She was not going to cry over him. She had promised herself that much.
River didn't understand why she felt nervous. Maybe it was just because she had finally made up her mind as to what she was going to do. She knew he wasn't going to like it but it was what she had to do. She could only ruin one agreement.
Eleven smiled at her but she couldn't find the strength to smile back at him. She knew that he would know something was wrong but she just couldn't bring herself to act like everything was okay. Because nothing was okay.
"River, you wanted to see me." He said, concern in his voice.
Maybe she should have saved him for last when she had done what she had to do and packed. Just said a quick goodbye before she left him for good.
"I want to say goodbye."
"Where are you going? On some dig?"
"I don't know where I am going. I haven't made my mind up yet. I have only just made my mind up that I am going."
She watched as his face changed. He gave her a look of confusion but his eyes gave away that he knew what she was going to say. She waited for a little while for him to ask what she had only just made her mind up on but she knew that he wasn't going to ask. He hated goodbyes. This was the worst thing for him.
"Well, I do know where I am going to go. I am going to talk to Twelve and then I am going to head to Gallifrey, to talk to the council about pulling out of the agreement that my parents made during the war. From there I don't know where I am going. Probably wherever you aren't."
"You can't."
"Why not?"
"The council will never agree to it." He paused and bowed his head. "I don't want you to go. I know it hasn't been the same but we will find a way to make things work."
"But that won't work. The problem is that you will always be in a happy marriage. I won't be if I married your brother. I want you. I want to be with you. I want to marry you, not your brother. You will be fine. I have seen how you are with Clara. You will be good together."
"River, don't."
"The sooner it is done the better. Goodbye Eleven."
She didn't even wait around to see if he would say goodbye to her. She hoped that maybe if he didn't say it, they would see each other again, even if he had Clara on his arm.
River allowed Twelve a little more time to strum on his guitar before she interrupted him. He knew that she was there. He had looked up as she stood by the door, but she just hadn't said anything or walked closer to him. She was still battling with herself as to whether she should tell him the whole story or not.
The sound of the guitar stopped and she knew that she now had his undivided attention now. She couldn't back out now. No matter how much it was going to hurt him. And it was only the other night that she was saying how he was more emotional than his brother thought.
"River."
"Tell me that you want to marry me." She said, not knowing how else to start the conversation. She knew that he wouldn't take being gently lowered into it. She might as well get straight to the point.
The few moments of silence didn't fill her with happiness, that this was the right thing to do, more that this should have never been a thing in the first place. Neither of them was for it.
"I want you to be happy. You should be happy."
"I can't go through with this arrangement. I have never liked the arrangement made for us during the war."
"Nor have I. Don't worry. You don't have to explain. I have known for a while that you haven't been interested."
"If you haven't wanted this, then why have you made the effort?"
"River, believe me. I have been fighting this arrangement the moment I stepped on Gallifrey and learnt about it. I made the effort because I wanted to do the right thing by you. Because you deserved to have someone that looked like they were interested even if they weren't."
River opened her mouth to say something else but closed it again as he started to play his guitar again. The conversation was over and she needed to leave him to work out what had just happened. As she walked out of his room, she felt guilty. She should have made more of an effort.
