Number of words: 7,475
Published date: August 13, 2012
Began chapter: April 8, 2012
Finished chapter: April 22, 2012
Chapter 3: That Which is Lost
The Homunculi trailed after Edward as he led the way through Ms. Bradley and Pride's home, Pride snoozing lightly on his shoulders.
It made sense logistically that if the basement was large, the building would be as well, but it quickly became apparent that the place would more appropriately be labelled a mansion. The basement stairs opened onto a grand foyer. The ceiling was nearly three stories high, with windows on the second story taking up the full breadth of the wall. Stairs on either side of the room lead up to a second floor balcony and several doorways led deeper into the house. Anyone entering by the front doors would surely be awed by the simple grandeur of the place. It had been designed to impress.
Underground, there hadn't been any way for the Homunculi to know what time it was, but as they came up the stairs, they saw that it was obviously night-time. Some lights were on in the sconces on the walls, but it was still possible to see stars glittering through the huge picture windows. The absence of sunlight was already having an effect; as Alphonse yawned politely behind his hand, Envy viciously had to fight down his own yawn. Greed didn't even bother fighting it, cracking his jaw loudly, and Lust blinked eyelids that suddenly felt heavy. It seemed their bodies were trying to establish a circadian rhythm as quickly as possible. They had only been awake for half an hour, and yet they were as tired as if it was three in the morning. Which it was.
The tiredness meant that no one felt inclined to talk. Edward led them through the foyer, past a study with a wall-length bookshelf, through an open living room with a cozy fireplace (unlit, considering what Al had said about it being early summer), up another stairway, and then through a hallway. He stopped at a fairly plain door, opening it and then stepping to the side.
"This room is for you, Sloth. You asked if you could sleep, so…"
Ed trailed off. Sloth didn't need any more explanation. Having heard what he wanted to know, he entered the room without a word, dully glanced around, and then promptly laid down on the bed. In less than ten seconds, he was snoring.
Alphonse quietly closed the door and they continued down the hall.
As they passed a window, Greed came to a sudden halt.
"Whoa. What's up with the moon?"
He crouched down and peered up at the sky through the window. Curious, Envy pushed his way through the others and crouched down beside him, instigating a brief squabble which cut off when Lust and Gluttony crowded in behind them, forcing them to press against the glass.
The moon hung in the sky high overhead, but it didn't look normal. It was full but dim, a dark shade of orangey-red.
"A lunar eclipse," Lust murmured.
Lunar eclipses weren't nearly as rare as solar eclipses. Lust, being near her third century, had seen around two dozen of them, and the number would have been higher if she'd cared enough to stay awake for them. The bottom edge of the moon was starting to brighten, meaning that the eclipse was past its midway point. Soon, the reddish hue caused by the Earth's atmosphere would darken as the white glowing portion inched across the moon's surface, returning it to full.
It was interesting to the Homunculi for all of half a minute. Lunar eclipses usually lasted for a few hours and the movement of the Earth's shadow was quite slow. The idea was novel, but the actual thing was boring to watch.
"Wait," she said, pulling back from the window. "You mentioned the eclipse. Is this somehow a part of… this?"
"Yes," Alphonse answered, starting the group back down the hallway after Edward. "We needed the lunar eclipse to bring you back. It wouldn't have worked otherwise."
Edward opened another door.
"This one's for you, Envy."
Envy glowered at him. Pride's crying had calmed him down a little, but he was still inwardly seething over his death, admitted jealousy of humans, and Greed's words. The gesture didn't help matters; for the longest time, the Homunculi had been the ones in control. The fact that Ed was assigning a room to him – rather than he being the one to make the choice – was quite a reversal in their positions of power. It was insulting. It was annoying. He didn't like it.
If the circumstance were more normal, Envy would have objected regardless of the pettiness, but he didn't have the energy. The sweep of emotions and adrenaline had left him feeling pretty drained and, if he was completely honest with himself, he still felt a bit unsteady on his feet. And it was so late at night, he was physically exhausted. So, taking the second best option, Envy went into the room, gave it a brief once-over, and then slammed the door in everyone's faces.
Edward merely shrugged (it seemed the years had done much to temper his hot-headedness), shifted Pride's position on his shoulders (the child had jolted in his sleep at the sudden loud noise), and continued on.
Lust was not happy with Envy's choice, for despite her trust in Pride, she was very suspicious of the way the Homunculi were being separated. There had been no time to caution him that they should stick together without the Elrics hearing, and she couldn't go back now to warn him without some sort of excuse. They couldn't trust Greed. Sloth had only ever been motivated by Father or Pride, and with Pride acting… Lust couldn't even describe what had happened to Pride, but she couldn't be sure about him now. So it was just her, Envy, and Gluttony. And with Envy being Envy, he wouldn't take any warnings seriously. Strategy and caution had never been his strong suits.
"Lust?" Gluttony asked, tugging on her dress.
"What is it?"
"I'm hungry."
Lust was used to this statement from her tubby younger brother, but with her nerves frazzled the way they were, she did not have the patience for Gluttony's appetite. She opened her mouth, quite prepared to tell him that she didn't care that he was hungry and he should just deal with it, but Alphonse beat her to a reply.
"That's fine. There's lots of food in the kitchen. Brother, why don't you take Selim to his room and I'll fix us a snack?"
"Good idea. Greed, you hungry too?"
"Nah, I'm good. Which room's mine?"
"Here, it's further down the hall…"
Their voices trailed off as Alphonse led Lust and Gluttony back the way they had come.
The kitchen was large and clean. There was a round table set into an alcove on one side of the room and a larger table set in the middle. Alphonse immediately went to the refrigerator, obviously hunting for something appropriate for a midnight snack, and Gluttony cheerfully sat down at the table.
Lust joined him without expression, but inside, she felt annoyed. Gluttony was far too trusting. He had no qualms about attacking people when it meant he got to eat them, but he wasn't bloodthirsty and was really quite docile most of the time. Besides that, he was too dimwitted to consider the situation odd. He had Lust back and she did the thinking for him. He would be fed soon. Those things were all that mattered to him. To be suspicious of the Elrics wouldn't have even crossed his mind.
Lust watched Alphonse as she tried to make sense of the situation. The last thing she remembered was trying to kill Hawkeye and Alphonse before Mustang burned her to death.
They had set Barry the Chopper's body free in order to track down the traitor Number 66, who had led an attack on the penitentiary. Why he had done so was a mystery – she suspected that he had met the Flame Alchemist and did it on a whim – but it had allowed Mustang to 'avenge' Hughes' death himself by burning Maria Ross. As much as it didn't really matter, Lust didn't like the fact that Mustang had once again acted against her wishes. He was a difficult man. Setting Ross up as Hughes' murderer had been to keep him from further investigations; to appease him, as it were. She had intended it to keep him out of trouble, but it hadn't gone as planned. In the end, Mustang had his revenge, but Number 66 had needed to be taken care of before he could cause further trouble and maybe reveal too much about the Philosopher's Stones and the Homunculi themselves.
Barry the Chopper's body was supposed to track down its soul and Envy and Gluttony would finish the job of destroying 66. She had sent them off to handle it without a second thought. It wasn't a difficult task, and she had a date with Jean; it wouldn't do to miss it when she was just getting him properly wrapped around her fingers. In a few more days, she felt certain the effort would begin to pay off as he relaxed his guard and confided in her about his work life. This would be their first date since Mustang had burned Ross. Surely he would at least talk about that and maybe reveal something useful! She was tired of trying to decide whether he was a hustler or just plain stupid.
She had waited for Havoc in their usual spot for a full hour before accepting that she'd been stood up. And for all the attention she usually got from men as she walked lusciously through the streets, even the dumber men didn't bother her that day. The cold fury on her face kept them at arm's-length. Stand her up, would he? No man had ever stood her up before! The miserable creature should be flattered that she was even willing to be seen with him! She was usually indifferent to the humans she killed, but she would enjoy killing this one! She had seethed the whole walk back to the 3rd Laboratory.
Lust regained her composure by the time she returned to the Homunculi's hideout. She couldn't let emotions and anger fuel her reaction. There were no acceptable excuses in her case, but Jean might have one that she would need to accept for the sake of the larger picture, so she couldn't set her heart on killing him just yet. So she had waited for Envy and Gluttony to return from their little errand, trying to figure out how she could avoid admitting to Jean's absence when Envy asked about it, as he would very likely tease her when he found out. She could imagine his words: Lust the Lascivious being stood up? Haha, you old maid! You must be getting on in years! Losing your touch, huh? You wouldn't have that problem if you were half as cute as me!
Quite frankly, the thought turned her stomach.
Maybe she would have felt differently had she known that she wouldn't see either of them again.
And then the alarm had gone off. Screams and panic drifted down to her. An intruder had broken into the 3rd Laboratory. People were evacuating and the exits were being sealed shut.
No one could be allowed to discover their underground lair. She wasn't usually in the position of guard, but it would be her pleasure to handle it.
She had confronted the intruders in one of the old human experimentation rooms, all cool and calm composure, immensely enjoying the confusion on Jean's face at her presence there. Maybe Envy had the right idea. She didn't often get the chance to toy with humans in quite this way. Hesitating to shoot her, being killed by someone he'd grown fond of would be a fitting end to this fool man. Really, humans were pathetic creatures, blinded by their emotions. At least Mustang had the intelligence to shoot. Not that it did him any good, of course. She revealed her Stone with relish, explaining the secret of the Homunculi's immortality before launching forward to strike them down.
It was disappointing to have to kill a candidate for human sacrifice, but after this, Mustang couldn't be allowed to live. He was too much trouble, and with still half a year to go before the Promised Day, the odds were unacceptably high that he would somehow interfere with their plans.
He was resourceful, she would give him that. She had thought that drenching them in water would prevent him from using his flames, but alchemy was a trickier power than she'd counted on. She had been shot before, but it was the first time she had been incinerated. His attack was a wasted effort; no Homunculi had ever been killed permanently. The Philosopher's Stone wouldn't allow it. Even as they thought they had defeated her, she proved them wrong, sending two of her fingers straight through Jean's back and out the other side.
Mustang's swift seizure of her Stone from right out of her chest had been a bit surprising, but that was futile too. The Stone was her core; her body disintegrated and then grew back around it. She sent her spears through Mustang's side, dropped him to the floor, and tore his glove into little shreds, the fluttering fragments rendering him harmless and helpless.
She left the two of them there to die. It really was a waste. Mustang had merciless eyes, cold and focused. He was human, but he wasn't as weak as most humans. There was no sport in defeating opponents that were no challenge. Of course he couldn't hope to stand against her, but there was something in her that respected him, even as she turned her back and went to hunt down the other intruders.
She found Number 66, Mustang's female subordinate, and Alphonse Elric in the chamber leading deeper into their lair, where other alchemic experiments had been performed. The Philosopher's Stones had been created primarily in the 5th Lab, as it had been closest to the prison, but Laboratory Three had created its fair share of Stones and monsters. The chimeras that guarded the sewers and tunnels underneath Central had been created here. Wrath, the last Homunculus, had been born here as well.
It only took a glance to understand the situation: Number 66 had been working with Mustang! The crazy man had followed his body as it fled back to its home, leading them straight to their hideout. Mustang had tricked them! He had set them up! There was no use in being angry now, but Envy and Gluttony would get an earful when they came back. They were supposed to kill the armoured soul! How had they failed in such a simple task? Disgraceful!
Lust was especially disappointed to see Alphonse Elric. It was bad enough that she'd had to kill one sacrifice candidate, but two in one night? It wasn't as if candidates walked around wearing labels on their foreheads! It was hard to find alchemists who had the necessary skill and spirit to attempt human transmutation. Where would they find replacements? No matter; she would worry about that later. Right now, it was time to focus on the task at hand.
First, she dispatched Number 66 with an indifferent lash of her outstretched fingers. Honestly, he had known the Homunculi ever since they set him to guard Lab 5 and he still thought he could attack her and live? Envy really should be embarrassed that he had messed up on something so easy.
Then she turned her attention to the other two.
Hawkeye's expression was quickly becoming clouded by horror and fury and Lust couldn't help but smirk at her. Mustang's little pet dog. What will you do without your master?
She had screamed. In rage, in anguish, she had fired every bullet she had.
It was useless.
This was what Lust hated the most about humans:
Love.
She hated it that they believed in such a concept. There was no such thing as love.
She didn't deny that people formed attachments to one another, for even the Homunculi knew of attachment. She had said as much to Mustang and Jean right before attacking them: they felt affection for their father, the same as any human. They derived a certain feeling of companionship from their siblings. She couldn't deny being fond of Gluttony, of wanting to look out for him, aside from it being one of her many duties. Greed, boiled down and returned to Father's soul, had had the eccentric habit of enjoying human company. Wrath had even taken a wife! True, he had been born a human, and he never used the term 'love' in his reference to her – presenting the woman as the only thing in his life of his own choosing and nothing more – but it was ridiculous to think that he'd made the decision without having some form of attachment to her.
But attachment was not the same as love, the human concept of love, the belief in selflessly wanting the best for another with no consideration of one's own happiness.
That concept of love did not exist.
Humans called it love when they were physically attracted to another, but that was mere biology, chemicals firing in the brain and hormones driving them to spread their genes. Humans called it love when they found a person interesting and wanted to spend time with them, but that was for the person's own pleasure, of sharing their interests with others and forming groups. Humans called it love when they cared about their parents and siblings, but that was a defensive instinct, designed to help humans survive until adulthood.
There was no form of love that was selfless, and this woman was only proving it once again.
If love was selfless, Hawkeye would try to flee even though she didn't want to go on living, because that would be what Mustang wanted. Her anguish came because the man she 'loved' was now torn from her grasp and the pleasure she had derived from him – in whatever form it had come – was gone.
Jean Havoc was far from the first man Lust had used her feminine charms on to manipulate. Many men over the years had claimed to love her, but what did they really love? Her beauty. The status such an attractive woman bestowed on them. The envy others had for their good fortune in her. The flattered pleasure they got from her attention. The comfort of telling their dreams, life story, passions and interests, feelings and thoughts to someone who listened attentively and deigned to care. The fact that they were not alone in life, at least at that moment. The pride in their ability to please her and make her happy.
They always seemed so hurt and betrayed when they realized that they had been manipulated, as if they too weren't playing their own games! They loved her because it made them feel good. It had nothing to do with her.
Envy was sadistic. He liked to cause pain more than he liked outright killing. And he liked causing mental and emotional pain far more than physical. The more a person was liked by others, the more he wanted to hurt them.
Lust wasn't like that. She certainly didn't mind killing, especially when it came to those who had tried to best her, but human nature was something she looked down upon with mingled scorn and pity. Like this woman. She simply collapsed to her knees, bullets spent, arms hanging weakly at her sides, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had given up. She didn't care if she died. All because of her misguided belief in a thing that didn't exist.
It was pathetic and foolish and sad. And even if she did have to kill her, Lust pitied the woman for being so weak.
The armoured boy had stepped forward, preparing to protect the lieutenant and in the process revealing that he had opened the Portal of Truth. Yes, it was a shame that she had to kill him, but being able to transmute without a circle wasn't going to save either of them. Other than Greed's Ultimate Shield, there wasn't a material in the world that her Ultimate Spear couldn't pierce. She slashed his weapon into pieces with ease, stabbed her fingers through his helmet, and sent her other fingers straight for Hawkeye, only to have Alphonse block her with his arm instead.
He yelled at Hawkeye to run. He swore that he would protect her, that he wouldn't let anyone else die when he could protect them.
It made Lust angry. Trying to act selflessly, was he? Who did he think he was kidding? He wanted to protect her because he didn't want to suffer her death. If she died, he would be the one to feel bad. If he let her die when he could have protected her, he would have to endure the guilt and anger of his friends, while acting all gallant would make him feel proud and heroic. Humans always acted in their own interests, even when the end result was pain or death.
Lust's claws tore through his arm and helmet and she prepared to finish this fight before he could spout any more garbage, but the voice that praised Alphonse from behind her caught her off guard. Before she could react, Alphonse raised the floor into a shield and flames engulfed her.
Lust preferred not to remember the rest.
Sitting at the table with Gluttony, watching Alphonse's back as he sliced fruit at the kitchen counter, Lust couldn't understand. Why was she here? If her last act in life had been to try to kill the man in front of her, why had he been involved in bringing her back to life? She couldn't make sense of it. For what purpose had the Elrics done this?
She hadn't realized she was frowning until Alphonse turned around. Edward entered the kitchen at the same time and both boys hesitated before coming to the table, her dark expression cooling their earlier confidence.
No, she corrected herself. They really aren't boys anymore. They were still too young for her to consider attractive – She might not believe in love, but she had no problem distinguishing between men in the looks department! – but they had matured into manhood and neither of them was bad-looking. Edward, forever being taunted as short, had grown to an acceptably average height fleshed out by broad shoulders. He still wore his golden hair long, but held it back in a ponytail rather than a loose braid. That, and the absence of his glaring red jacket, made him look far less childish. It was harder for Lust to compare the changes Alphonse had gone through since she hadn't seen his body in the flesh, but compared to his brother, Al was a touch taller and a little heavier built. As much as alchemists had a reputation for being book-loving scientists, both of them looked as if they spent a fair amount of time outside in physical labour.
Lust schooled her features to a more neutral expression as Alphonse set a tray of fruit on the table, placing it within Gluttony's reach. Needing no further encouragement, he quickly tucked in. Lust was actually a little hungry too, but Gluttony was ignoring them and didn't seem inclined to share, so she left it to him.
She crossed her arms and leaned back in the chair, speaking before either of them could waste her time with inane conversation.
"I don't care how late it is. And I don't care if you'll end up repeating yourselves. Tell me what is going on. What happened to Pride? What happened to Father? Tell me the whole story! Why have you done this?"
Edward intentionally crossed his arms to mimic Lust's own posture, frowning and leaning his chair back onto two legs. She amended her previous thought. Perhaps he hadn't matured all that much. The rebellious streak and belligerent attitude were still lurking underneath, even if he was tamer than in his youth. He probably took issue with the way she phrased the question as a demand.
"You're going to fall again," Alphonse cautioned mildly.
Ed grunted and let the chair back down to all fours.
"I suppose we can give you the short version. Let's see now. What happened after you died…?"
"You came back from that trip with Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong and we fought Scar and Ling captured Gluttony," Alphonse said.
"Oh, right. Well-"
"What do you mean, you captured Gluttony?" Lust interrupted, turning to her brother. "What do they mean, you were captured?"
Gluttony's mouth was full and so he couldn't answer.
Ed waved his hand at her impatiently.
"Do you want to hear the story, or not? If so, don't interrupt."
Lust scowled angrily at his tone and tapped her fingers on her arm as a clear indication that she was both annoyed and waiting, but she remained silent and Ed continued.
"I suppose the first thing that you wouldn't know is that Maria Ross didn't die…"
And so, for the next hour, Lust heard the whole story.
It wasn't a smooth telling. Edward and Alphonse took turns and they kept interrupting each other, correcting where they thought the other was wrong or adding details that the other had omitted as unimportant. Several times they had to backtrack because they had forgotten a crucial element. And the boys mostly told the story from their perspective. Lust could guess at what the Homunculi were likely doing at the different points in the story, but she would need to question Pride later to learn everything.
Overall, Lust listened with the detached scrutiny of hindsight, but there were a few parts that upset her. She felt incredibly bad for Gluttony, who hadn't been allowed to eat Mustang and who had accidentally swallowed both Edward and Envy (and some prince from Xing, but she hadn't met Ling and he didn't matter). He would have been terribly confused and guilt-ridden, and if Alphonse hadn't tricked him into taking him to see Father, who knew how long the round Homunculus would have sat in that forest wracked by indecision? That Ed and Envy had been able to escape from Gluttony's stomach was nothing short of a miracle; so far as they knew, those unlucky enough to be swallowed whole had a long and slow death ahead of them, with no chance of escape. She didn't like hearing the part about Sloth being driven out of Briggs and left to freeze in the harsh mountain blizzard, though any pain on his part would have been forgotten as soon as he thawed out. She wasn't in the least bit surprised when Alphonse told of the events at Asbec; she and Envy had always gotten along, but that didn't mean she deluded herself as to his abilities. Wrath shouldn't have let him go after Marcoh on his own. He was all talk, but no skill.
Considering that Greed had run away in his first body, it didn't surprise Lust that he would betray them again upon being reborn a second time. The confrontation with Pride and Gluttony was dramatic and horrifying. When Edward told of how Pride had eaten Gluttony, Lust almost got up to confront Pride at that moment, so angry did it make her, but the Elrics convinced her to sit down again. Selim, they insisted, feels horrible about what he did. He knows that it was wrong and it won't do any good to yell at him about it. You're both here, aren't you? He's trying to make up for it now.
Hearing about the events of the Promised Day was upsetting. That the humans had been able to counter the Nationwide Transmutation Circle and Father's control over alchemy in Amestris was difficult to accept, but Lust had to grudgingly admit that she was impressed at the same time. Humans certainly were tenacious creatures. She had only been involved in carving the crests of blood, but she never would have guessed that there could be a way to counter the creation of the Amestrian Philosopher's Stone. At the time of her death, the most likely point of difficulty had been that they wouldn't find the necessary five human sacrifices in time. (She was pleased to hear that Mustang had been the fifth sacrifice. As she hadn't been able to kill him, it was better that he had been of use to them rather than killed in vengeance.) That simple countermeasure sent their plans crumbling into failure.
Father needed the Amestrian Philosopher's Stone to control the power of God gained through the opening of the planet's Portal of Truth. His Stone, containing the souls of the Xerxians, was insufficient for the task.
Lust understood rationally that the humans had been fighting for their lives. It wasn't fair to be upset at them for protecting themselves. But knowing that fact didn't do any good. By the end of their story, Lust was in inner turmoil. Grieved by Father's end, furious at their defeat, humiliated by their failure, she wasn't sure which she wanted to do more: cry, or grab a knife from the cutlery and attack them. But neither action would serve any purpose other than to embarrass her, so she schooled her face to calmness.
"You still haven't explained what we're doing here now," Lust spoke crisply when the story ended.
Edward sighed and promptly crossed his arms and placed his head on the table.
"It's four o'clock in the morning! Can't it wait? Al, you explain it and I'm just going to sleep here," his muffled voice came through his arm pillow.
Alphonse gave Ed an exasperated look, but he was about to do as Ed said when Gluttony tugged on Lust's dress again.
"What?" she asked.
Gluttony twiddled his fingers and looked down uneasily. He had long ago finished the fruit Alphonse had brought to the table – and luckily it was a lot neater a food to eat than humans, or her dress would have borne an ugly blood print from his fingers. As it was, he left a bit of sticky juice on her leg. He always forgot to wipe his mouth and hands, no matter how many times she reminded him!
If he had been paying attention to their conversation, she hadn't noticed, but her first reaction was to expect him to ask about something the Elrics had said. So she was a little surprised that his comment had nothing to do with that.
"I feel… funny."
Edward's head jerked up and both boys suddenly looked very alert and concerned. Alphonse scraped his chair as he stood up and came around the table, beckoning for Gluttony to get up. He wasn't quite sure about this and glanced beseechingly at Lust, but she merely gave him a push with her hand and he obediently moved to stand in front of the younger brother.
"Can you describe it?" Alphonse asked gently. At the same time, he brought his hands up, holding them a few inches from Gluttony's stomach.
"We checked for this!" Ed exclaimed. "That second stomach of his can't have come back! There shouldn't be anything wrong."
"What's going on?" Lust asked, worried by their reactions.
Alphonse frowned in concentration. "I'm not sensing anything weird. Gluttony…?"
Gluttony was confused by the commotion, shy at the attention, and hesitant that he had done something wrong. Not being very articulate, he struggled for several moments to come up with the words to explain a sensation he had never experienced before.
"…Maybe… It feels like… Maybe I shouldn't… eat any more food?"
His beady eyes looked positively baffled by the thought.
Edward, Alphonse, and Lust all stared for several seconds before Lust exclaimed, "You're full?!" Ed burst out into laughter and Al looked relieved.
"Of course! You've always been hungry, so you wouldn't know what it feels like to not be hungry!"
Gluttony stuck his finger in his mouth, deep in thought for a full ten seconds, before declaring in agreement, "I'm not hungry!"
He turned and grinned happily at Lust. "I'm not hungry!"
She laughed and let him take her hands. "You're not hungry! But how is that possible?" she asked.
Alphonse returned to his seat, smiling at how happy Gluttony was at this pleasant surprise. Edward also looked pleased, though his head was beginning to drop back down towards the table.
"We tried to create bodies that were as similar as possible to your original bodies, but we couldn't very well do that with Gluttony. He was a failed Portal of Truth; his stomach was literally a bottomless hole, which is why he was always hungry. We couldn't recreate that, so he just has a regular stomach. I'm willing to bet he still has quite an appetite, but he can actually become full now."
"Hear that, big guy?" Ed said, directing his attention to Gluttony. "You won't be able to just eat whatever you want anymore. Which means no people!"
Gluttony's happiness died down quite a bit at that. They knew he wasn't cruel, but did he have to look quite so disappointed?
Edward took the opportunity to yawn and stretch as he stood up.
"Come on. It's too late for any more explanations. The rest can wait until tomorrow. Or, well, I guess it's already tomorrow. It can wait until this morning, then. I'll show you to your rooms."
Lust had to admit that she didn't think she could stay awake for much longer. Ed's yawn was contagious and she already had too much to think about and digest. Without protest, she got up and followed the Elric brothers out of the kitchen, Gluttony trailing behind her.
In another part of the house, Sloth snored loudly, sleeping like a rock. Greed didn't snore, but he too was deep in sleep.
Envy, on the other hand, was wide awake despite being exhausted.
After slamming the door in Edward's face (That had been satisfying, though he really wished he'd been able to punch Fullmetal before Greed stopped him.), Envy paced around the room, physically giving vent to his inner agitation.
Being thankful to the Elrics was the farthest thing from his mind. He hated them. He had never hated them before, except in the way that he hated all humans. They were annoying do-gooders who cared more about others than they did about themselves. They were constantly complicating the Homunculi's plans, putting themselves in danger with no thought to the fact that they were important sacrifices. Why couldn't they just be selfish? It would have made things so much easier for both sides!
But now, Envy's annoyance was growing into something more. He paced back and forth with increasing fury.
How dare they do this! he snarled over and over in his mind. How dare they show us mercy like this! This isn't fair! Don't they remember that I was the one responsible for the Ishvalan uprising?! Don't they remember that I'm the one who killed Hughes? How can they ignore that? I never said I was sorry for any of it. I'm not sorry! I'd do it again! And they think that we deserve to be given our lives back? Stupid! Weak! Damn sentimental worms!
He spent several minutes cursing Edward and Alphonse with every insult he could think of. He couldn't forgive this level of compassion. He couldn't accept this seeming forgiveness. They didn't deserve it; he didn't deserve it!
And they'll probably be expecting gratitude, too! The all-mighty humans, showing mercy to the poor, lowly, misguided Homunculi! I didn't ask to be brought back to life! I didn't ask to be human!
That thought sent a shiver down his spine and he stopped pacing, standing worn and still in the middle of the room. The window was facing the setting moon and the eclipse sent dim red moonlight across the floor, over his feet, and partway up his leg.
It can't be true, he thought desperately. It can't be true! I can't be human! I just can't!
He had already tried to transform back in the basement, but maybe he hadn't been able to do it because of how stressful the situation was. He would try again. Yes, that was it! He would calm down and really focus and surely this time it would work!
Envy closed his eyes, brought his awareness to his body, and concentrated.
He searched for even a wisp of the Philosopher's Stone's power, just some tiny tendril to cling to, but found nothing. He searched for his true body, which should have been tucked inside this little human form, but there was nothing more than what a regular human body contained. He focused all of his attention on trying to change just one little thing, but as much as he remembered what his left eye was normally like – what it looked like, what it saw, how it was different internally – it refused to change.
He struggled like that for quite some time before giving up and accepting the truth: he was no longer a shape-shifter. He was no longer free to don whatever face or body the situation called for, no longer free to alter himself however he fancied. He could no longer steal someone else's identity and hide in plain sight.
The idea left him feeling oddly vulnerable. Much like a teenager, hiding behind long bangs or large sweaters, sunglasses or heavy jackets, will feel vulnerable when those items of protection are taken away, so did Envy suddenly feel exposed. He would no longer be able to go wherever he wanted without being noticed. He couldn't just stroll through Central Command dressed in the body of a high-level officer. He couldn't wander through the Ishvalan slums wearing the dark skin and red eyes to blend in. In a common crowd, the features he'd picked as young and cute would stand out like a sore thumb. The body he had now was him.
As much as he liked this form, he didn't usually wear it out in public. It was generally easier and wiser to blend in than to stand out. Sure, he wore it when with his siblings or in situations with those who knew what he was, but he was used to donning a military face when dealing with the military and he was used to picking a random civilian face when moving through crowds. Now, everyone would see him and judge him by what they saw.
Screw them! Envy thought, cutting into his own train of thought. What do I care what humans think of me? I'll still be better than them! It'll just take some getting used to, that's all.
He was startled by the tiny voice that spoke up from the back of his mind.
How will you be better than them? it asked.
There's our healing and immortality, Envy countered himself fiercely. Even if we don't have any powers, Homunculi are still stronger than humans because of that!
That would be true, the voice answered, if you were still immortal. But you're not, are you?
His heart sank. He looked down at his right fist, the one he had punched Greed with. It still stung faintly. Was there some trick to punching people so that it wouldn't hurt afterwards? Maybe he just hadn't done it right. He reached up and rubbed the back of his head. There was a small lump and the area was tender. He reached behind and felt at his backside. There was a spot that felt sore from where he had fallen. It was probably already bruising.
Maybe… Maybe… He struggled to think of a way to deny it. Maybe it's just not as effective now. Maybe some things will heal and others won't. I mean, these aren't even bleeding, so of course they won't heal!
It was a slim and desperate chance, but Envy had to make sure. He began to scan the room frantically, looking for something that would work.
It was actually a nice room. Those Homunculi who had spent the majority of their time underneath Central had naturally created their own spaces, finding a few nice things for comfort and hominess, but it wasn't exactly easy to drag luxurious beds and plush chairs through one of the sewer entrances and there were too many people around in the laboratories and Central Command to make a habit of it. Their lair hadn't been designed with the convenience of its inhabitants in mind. The bed Envy had had was one he had brought down nearly fifty years ago and it had been left in pretty rough shape, but he hadn't found the time or inclination to replace it.
There was a simple bed in the middle of the room with white sheets and posts up to the ceiling. There was a large red chair, a little bedside dresser with a lamp, and a larger dresser in one of the corners. The window had a door and a small balcony. There was a framed painting of a castle on the wall, and the floor was covered with red carpet. Envy preferred the cool feel of stone, but the carpet was nice and soft beneath his bare feet. It was trimmed with gold, and a line of gold trim ran along the bottom and top of the walls as well. The room had an intimate and somewhat heavy feel, what with its predominant red colours and the dark brown of the drawers. Other than the painting, the room had no decorations.
There was a desk between the bed and the wall with the window and Envy rooted through its contents. Everything was neat and tidy: a sheaf of blank paper in one drawer and writing utensils in the other. Envy thought he recognized Pride's hand in preparing the room. Pride had always been a little obsessive about keeping things orderly, and although Al was probably a neat person as well, he got the sense that the younger Elric would have found it presumptuous to prepare Envy's room when the two hardly knew each other. Fullmetal wouldn't have cared about that, but he wasn't the organized type.
Reaching past the pens, Envy found what he was looking for: a pair of scissors.
Envy started to sit down on the bed, but then realized that it was too dark for him to see what he planned to do. He went to the window and peered up, craning his neck to study the moon. The earth's shadow had moved into the upper right-hand corner and lost its red tinge, while the lower left was brightening. He gave it another hour before the eclipse was over, but for now, he needed more light, so he fumbled at the lamp before finding the switch and then blinked in annoyance at the sudden glare that lit the room. Then he returned to the bed and sat cross-legged with the scissors in his hand.
He had to make sure! Maybe the bruises he had wouldn't heal for whatever reason, but what if he was cut? Surely that would still heal, wouldn't it? He couldn't really be mortal now, could he?
He brought his left hand up to his mouth and used his teeth to pull off the black glove, then pressed the scissor blade against the back of his hand.
He realized he was holding his breath and growled at himself irritably.
Oh, come on! It's not like this will even hurt all that much!
Gritting his teeth, he drew the blade down and across his hand. The shallow cut quickly started bleeding.
Envy waited with bated breath for it to heal, for the familiar red light to crackle over the injury and restore it to good as new.
Nothing.
He sighed miserably, groped for the lamp again, and then sank backwards so that he was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He brought the cut up to his mouth, sucking at the blood absently with the sarcastic realization that he shouldn't have made such a large gash.
It's true, he thought. I really am human now. I hate humans and now I am human.
The hour and emotions and stress of the day were finally taking their toll. The bed was soft and Envy could feel himself beginning to fall asleep. Before succumbing and joining the others in the realm of dreams, he clung to one thought:
These aren't tears! My eyes are just watering from the lamplight. That's all it is! Yeah… I'm not… crying…
Author's Notes:
Selim and Ms. Bradley's home: I've chosen to use Dante's mansion (from the 2003 series) as Selim and Ms. Bradley's home. For those who haven't seen the first series, Dante is an old woman who lives in a mansion deep in the woods outside Dublith. She practices alchemy and herbology and was Izumi Curtis's alchemy teacher. I've tried to replicate the mansion's details to match how it appears in the anime (though the mansion gets so little attention in the anime that even those familiar with it probably won't recognize a room by my description). In my version, Dante never lived there, and the property was bought by the military for Ms. Bradley and her son to live. I didn't want to create a completely new place for them and Dante's mansion, which is secluded, large, and near Dublith, fit my needs quite nicely.
Barry the Chopper, Envy, and Gluttony: These events during episodes 18 and 19 regarding Envy and Gluttony are not from my imagination, for this gets more detail in the manga. In the anime, we only see Gluttony attack Hawkeye while Havoc is fighting Barry's body. In the manga, Envy and Gluttony appear together and are delayed in a fight with Ling and Lan Fan while Mustang's group breaks into the Third Laboratory.
Gluttony's stomach: In case it wasn't clear, Alphonse was using his skills in alkahestry to sense Gluttony's chi in checking to see if something was wrong. His skills in alkahestry get more mention later.
