Ashei found him the night after the town meeting at home⦠The room was dark, cold, lonely, and astoundingly quiet.
He was sitting on his bed in nothing but his trousers, his bare feet pressed firmly into the floorboards in front of him. He was rolling a dark bottle between his palms, and his eyes stared blankly ahead, not bothering to acknowledge her.
"Link?"
He grunted in response without looking over. She gazed around the room in a sort of confused curiosity, shutting the door slowly behind her. There were several arrows lodged in the wall opposite Link; she noticed with some amusement that Link's bow was only a few feet away from him.
"Did the wall offend you?" she mocked.
"Yes," Link answered to her surprise. She observed him. His hair was immensely tousled, and he was very pink in the face. His eyes were drooping, glassy, and slightly bloodshot. She took a step closer. Beads of sweat had formed along his brow, and she couldn't help but notice the exhaustion in the slope of his back, his shoulders, the drape of his arms against his elbows against his thighs, the slump of the chin against the chest, all of him slouched, all of him wilting...
The announcement was nailed onto a post early the next morning.
"'Mayor Bo's position as leader in Ordon Village, after being thoroughly examined, has been repealed on behalf of His Grace, Chancellor Crevan. The mayor has three days to abdicate his position. If in three days he has not left office, he will be removed by force. A new leader will be instituted by decree of His Grace as soon as possible. Signed: Commander Ponnard Rasire.' Heavens to Betsy..." Shad finished, having read the announcement aloud to Ilia.
Ilia giggled. "'Heavens to Betsy,' that's a new one," she observed. "It's probably the second silliest thing I've heard you say."
Shad went pink. "The first being...?"
"Um... hey, look at that, uh, thing... over there..." Ilia wandered off across the creek, and Shad, frustrated, limped after her.
"Ilia! Wait up!" He fell into step with her. "Aren't you even remotely upset about that announcement?"
They were walking in the direction of Link's house, and Ilia fell quiet.
"Well, yes. I mean, I suppose I am."
Shad looked at her skeptically. "Aren't you angry with the soldiers?"
"I'm furious with the soldiers, but I'm not upset about the announcement. It was inevitable. Besides," she added, glancing up at Link's treehouse as they passed, "Link will know what to do about it. Link always has the answers."
A hush fell over them as they passed into the undergrowth, the forest path curving around roots and rocks as the trees thickened before them. It was a cool, quiet day, and the yellow leaves were twirling to the grass like snowflakes. The already fallen leaves crunched under their feet, their footsteps and breathing rhythmic in the quiet wood.
"You put a lot of faith into him," Shad observed. "Far more than the rest of us. You do realize that-"
"I know he's sick," Ilia said quickly. "But I think he's getting better. You saw him at the meeting yesterday. He was very heroic." She took a few steps that were dance-like in style, sashaying her hips back and forth as she placed one foot carefully in front of the other. Shad, having fallen behind to admire her, blushed when she remarked on it.
"Looking at something?" she teased, and Shad tore his eyes away from the way that her translucent white dress fluttered perfectly around her thighs. He adjusted his glasses nervously and tightened his grip on his cane.
The cane had been a gift from Rusl, something that he had made himself that Colin had helped him to polish. It was a vast improvement over the clumsy crutch that he'd been supporting himself with, and Shad liked to think that maybe it made him look a little less pitiful.
"Don't worry," she said with a small smile. "It makes you look sophisticated."
Shad glanced up in surprise. "How did you-"
"I read your mind," she teased with a grin, and looped an arm around his shoulders. "Follow me," she said. "I want to show you something very beautiful."
After a few more paces, they had come to a gate decorated with flowers. Ilia pushed it open and the pair stepped forward onto a sheet of soft white sand. Shad rested his eyes on a turquoise pool, apparently fed by a crick somewhere beyond a thick set of pine trees. A small rainbow arched overhead as a result of the spraying water. As beautiful as it was, Shad felt immediately uncomfortable.
"I'm not very well-versed with nature," he finally admitted, glancing around. Bugs. Bugs everywhere. A woodpecker sounded from somewhere nearby, and he jumped at the sight of a set of tadpoles near the sand. Ilia giggled.
"You should have said something ten minutes ago," she remarked. Shad bit his lip.
"I didn't mean to-"
"I'm not offended, I promise," Ilia said, and she cantered over to a spot at the edge of the pool, slipping off her sandals and sliding her toes into the water. Shad watched awkwardly from the side as Ilia became a part of the environment. He was almost startled when he realized how much better she fit in here than she did at Telma's bar. Ordon Village wasn't just Ilia's home, it was her soul. And Shad, with his fancy clothes and city-boy haircut and air of definite aristocracy, frowned. Because he did not belong in her world, and she did not belong in his, and that upset him far more than it should.
He thought again of Link.
Shad would never have predicted that he would ever be jealous of the Ordonian hero. Link had spent much of his time riding horses and brandishing swords and sleeping outside, and Shad could very certainly say that none of that appealed to him. The thought of heroism on its own had Shad shaking in his shoes.
No, he never would have predicted that a rift would come between them in the form of a girl. And yet here she was, very much Shad's, yet very much Link's. Because she was Link's oldest friend, and they were quite in step with nature, camouflaging with their surroundings not because they resembled them, but because they understood them. There was a bond between Link and Ilia that only made sense to Link and Ilia, because they'd had a thousand moments that nobody else in the world could see or remember. A thousand moments from their childhood that they would carry to the grave. Ilia and Link were the way they were because they had shaped each other; Link without Ilia wouldn't be very much Link at all, and vice versa.
Shad gulped, suddenly muscling up the courage to ask something he'd been meaning to ask for quite awhile.
"Do you plan on marrying Link?" he asked. Ilia drew still, staring at her feet underneath the rippling water. She did not speak.
"Are you asking me that because of yesterday's meeting?" she finally replied.
"I don't know."
"I don't know, either." She glanced up. "When you marry someone, you're binding yourself to them forever. Some people don't realize that. But I realize that."
"But would you be willing to?" Shad pressed.
Ilia hung her head. "...Yes," she said. Her words were reluctant. "Yes, I would marry him."
"And bind yourself to him?" Shad asked, his heart dropping. It was true, then. Ilia was in love with Link, just as he had overheard on the morning of the Fall Festival.
"I would gladly bind myself to him," Ilia said.
"Then why do you sound so drear?" Shad continued, his entire body growing warm with embarrassment and anger and sorrow and loss and a thousand different types of confusion.
"Because I don't think he'd want the same with me," she finally answered.
"But if he asked you...?"
"I would marry Link in a heartbeat if he asked me to," she answered honestly.
"...Do you love him?"
"Yes, I love him. But Shad-" she caught his eye, and her own were pleading- "Shad, please don't think ill of me for it."
Shad forced a smile. "Why would I ever judge you for a thing like that?"
Ilia's expression broke and went suddenly blank. "Because you- because I thought that you- ...never mind," she concluded, and picked up her sandals, dangling the straps from her fingers as she returned to the gate barefoot.
Shad watched her forlornly for a second before limping after her.
"...You really shouldn't be drinking."
"I know."
She sat next to him, trying to ignore the odor of sweat and alcohol on him. She turned again to the arrows that he had shot into the wall.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, and he turned to her, gaping at her almost as if she weren't really there. He blinked slowly, heavily, his eyes begging for something. But for what? Release? Release from the burden of the world?
"How do you think?" he finally asked, his voice sodden in something that Ashei couldn't quite place.
"I thought you were getting better."
He rolled his eyes. "You're bluffing, as usual." And then he fell sideways against her, and she was forced to support what was essentially several hundred pounds of blundering, intoxicated meat. She wrapped her hands around his torso and pushed him back up, and she knew that her hands must have been cold against his chest and back. He closed his eyes at her touch, and she wondered why...
Rusl landed three heavy knocks on Link's front door. For a moment, he didn't expect an answer. Then, after ten seconds of waiting, the lock was unlatched from the inside and it was drawn open by none other than Ashei. Rusl noticed that Ashei was still in yesterday's clothes. A second later, he was wondering why he'd taken note of her clothes in the first place.
"Yeah?" asked Ashei, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed.
"I was hoping to speak to Link. May I ask what you're doing here?" Rusl inquired suspiciously.
"I'm his friend, too," Ashei reminded him, and stepped aside without another word. Rusl strode in, gazing about the room. A kettle was swinging over a bustling fire, and the table was set. But Link was nowhere to be found.
"Where-"
"He's in the basement," Ashei answered quickly. "Getting us some breakfast. Have a seat, yeah? I'll get another plate..." she walked over to a cupboard and drew it open, and Rusl stood dumbly, staring at her.
"You spent the night, didn't you?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Because Link would never be up this early, and certainly never makes himself breakfast. Besides," he added when she started to speak, "you're still in yesterday's clothes."
Ashei bowed her head and her cheeks turned slightly pink.
"It wasn't like that," she said.
"You don't know what I was implying," Rusl argued.
"No," Ashei said after a second, "I think I do."
They sat down awkwardly at the table and at that moment Link emerged from the cellar. He had a jar of preserved fruit under one arm and was carrying a loaf of bread under the other.
"Ashei, we've only got raspberry-" Link paused as he caught sight of Rusl. "Hello."
"You don't look good," Rusl said immediately, glancing Link over. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was heavily tousled. Deep purple bags framed his eyes, and there was a slope to his shoulders.
"Yeah," Link mumbled. "Yeah, I know."
"...I want... to talk..." he was saying. "Want to talk to you."
"I'm here," she replied, not sure what else there was to say.
"Are you, though?"
"What?"
"Here."
She thought about it. "Do you think you're hallucinating?" she asked suddenly. There was a moment of silence...
"Yes," he answered.
"Why?"
He didn't look at her. Wouldn't look at her.
"Because you look how you always do in my mind," he answered slowly.
She didn't ask what he meant, but she did wonder.
"I'm real," she promised.
"I'm not," he answered. "I don't feel real, anyway. Not anymore. I don't know who I am. Everyone thinks I'm a hero. Sometimes, I think I'm a hero, too, but then I remember that I'm not a hero to everyone. I'm the villain of a million other stories. The bokoblins' stories. Or the bulblins' stories. Or the Darknuts, or the Stalfos, or the Poes..."
"You can't be a hero to everybody, Link."
"But that's just it. I don't want to be a hero at all."
"Then what do you want to be?"
He looked at her now, tears in his eyes. "I want to be a man."
Her gut turned uncomfortably. "You are a man."
"No I'm not." He was shaking his head, face contorting as he fought back tears. "I'm not a man. I want to be a man, but I can't be one..."
Suddenly, the kettle began whistling mercilessly. Ashei swept it from its spot over the flames and poured the steaming water into three aligned mugs. She was only half-focusing on her work as she dropped three tea bags into the water and brought the mugs and three spoons over to the table, where she distributed them accordingly. She sat down next to Link, Rusl sitting opposite them.
"I don't suppose there's anything I should know about you two," Rusl said again, stirring his tea as it started to turn brown.
Link kept his eyes firmly on his mug. "Nothing you don't know already," he answered truthfully.
"Because if there is-"
"For the thousandth time, Rusl, it's not like that!" Ashei cried. "Leave us alone. You're not our babysitter."
"That's not why I'm asking," Rusl argued as Link violently buttered a piece of bread. "I'm asking because- well, if you're absolutely sure that there's nothing between you two- I would like Link to consider the offer I made yesterday."
Link's hand stopped moving and he glanced back up tiredly. There was something behind his eyes that frightened Rusl. What was the boy feeling? The flicker of his pupils back and forth suggested something tumultuous in nature, and Rusl wondered what inner-turmoils Link had that he kept to himself. He supposed that there was no one on earth who would really ever understand it.
...She was quiet for a long time, just listening to his ragged breathing that reeked so strongly of ale. After a minute, she took his clammy, shaking hand, and freed the bottle from its grip. He panicked at the loss of something to hold on to.
"Tell me how to help you," she commanded. "Tell me what you need."
"I don't know, I don't know..." he was shaking his head as he spoke. "I don't know what I need, and I'm scared as hell because I don't know. I used to know everything. I used to know-" He stopped speaking and inhaled rapidly before letting out a long, slow stream of air. She could sense that he was on the verge of hyperventilating; better to help him now, she thought. Better to let him get one foot in and then pull back, yes, that's much better than having him fall straight down.
"Calm down, calm down..." she took both of his hands in her own and gripped them tightly. "It's only me..."
"You realize that what you're asking me to do... it's a very large step, Rusl. Very large."
"I'm not asking you to sign your life away. I'm asking you to do what you believe is right."
Link hung his head. "No. You're asking me to do what you believe is right."
Ashei blinked. "Wait. What is he asking you to do?"
Hesitation.
"Rusl... suggests that I marry Ilia. For the benefit of the town. I'll be able to take over Bo's position so that Ordon will be saved from the soldiers."
Ashei's mug slipped out of her hand and shattered on the floor, and despite this, she only stared at Link vacantly.
"...Marry... her?"
"Assuming that Link has no intentions of marrying anyone else, of course," Rusl provided. "I would not ask him to drop everything for the sake of Ordon-"
"That's sure what it sounds like!" Ashei protested, and her eyes narrowed. "You can't just force him to settle down! That's not fair to him!"
"It's not fair to either of them. Believe me, Ashei, I realize that. But it's the only hope Ordon has left."
"Rusl, that's a completely brash idea! Link doesn't even love Ilia enough to marry her. Do you, Link?!"
Link stared at the wooden table as if it were the most compelling thing in the world, and Ashei groaned in frustration. She turned back to Rusl.
"He politely declines your offer," she said. "Thank you, but no thank you."
"Wait," Link said without glancing up. "I haven't made my decision yet." He turned slowly to face Ashei. "And it's not your decision to make for me."
But she was shaking her head. "Link... you can't be serious. Marriage isn't a joke. That would mean just you and Ilia, just you and Ilia forever and off with the rest of us..."
"You don't get it, Ashei," Link countered, his voice growing stronger as he spoke. "It would mean getting rid of the soldiers. It would mean ensuring our safety! You were there when they attacked Ilia, and you saw what they almost did to Colin. We need to get Crevan out of Ordon as soon as possible. This is my home, and I will do what I can to protect it."
"But this isn't your home!" Ashei argued, getting to her feet. "You said it yourself! You said that you hardly know these people anymore, that you don't understand each other."
"I don't mean to be rude, Ashei," Rusl cut in, "but this is really up to Link. It is his decision to make-"
"Link is sick!" Ashei finally cried, and it was clear that she had cracked. "You wouldn't understand because you haven't been there for him these past few months!"
Rusl's jaw dropped. "Sick? What do you mean, sick?!"
"None of your business, yeah?!"
"Wait, no-" Link stood up. "This is wrong- stop fighting! Rusl, it was wrong of us to keep it secret from you. I'm not well. I haven't been well for awhile. It's just... I have these mood swings, I don't know how else to put it- sometimes I drink-"
"He's ill, that's how you put it!" Ashei insisted, wrapping her hands around his arm. "He's frail, Rusl!"
"I'm not frail," Link argued.
"Yeah, I didn't think so, either!" Ashei cried, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. "Not until last night-"
"-Wait, what did happen last night?" Rusl asked all of a sudden, and the other two fell silent.
"I'm not going to tell you exactly what happened," Link finally answered, and he was quiet. "I don't know that I can. But I can tell you this- I'm not fit for what you all think I'm fit for. I can hardly raise a sword anymore. Fighting has come to frighten me... death unnerves me. I can't-" he gulped- "I can't point my blade at anyone else without guilt washing over me. You don't know, you wouldn't understand..."
Rusl had grown still in the presence of Link's tale. "...Go on."
"At the meeting yesterday, everyone expected me to protect them," Link said. His voice was getting quieter again, shakier again. "Everyone still expects me to protect them. Even Ilia and Shad think that I'm in control."
"In control of...?"
"Myself," Link answered. His face fell into his palms, and when he reemerged, his eyes were brimmed with tears. "I've always been able to speak freely with you, Rusl," he said. "You're my oldest friend, and I owe a lot to you. But you can't rely on me for the kinds of things I used to do. I'm not the same person I was."
Rusl's brow drew into an expression of impatience. "That's it. I want to know exactly what's going on here."
"I don't know!" Link cried. "I don't know what's going on!" He stood up and swiped his hand across the table in rage, knocking over the bread and jam he'd put there moments ago. "If I knew, I would tell you-"
"Calm down, calm down!" cried Ashei, but Link was completely losing it.
"You want to know why I can't fight?! Or why I drink all the time?! Or why I never come home?!" Link cried. "I'll tell you why! It's because of you, it's because of all of you! It's because I knew that coming back to Ordon would mean living up to a reputation that doesn't suit me anymore! I knew that you would expect me to ride into town as the hero, high-and-mighty, with tales of all of my adventures strewn everywhere like some great fairy tale! But you know what, Rusl? It wasn't a fairy tale. It was a nightmare. You hear people fawning over it- Link slayed a dragon, they'll say. Link slayed a monster, Link slayed the usurper, Link saved the Princess! It all sounds pretty glorious when you put it that way, doesn't it?!"
Rusl stared, dumbstruck, as Link found a shelf of books and kicked it over. Volumes spilled all over the floor as Link continued to rant.
"What nobody ever talks about is me! They don't talk about the days I spent running from one end of the world to another, muscles aching as I ran out of breath! They don't talk about the times I was stabbed, cut up, bruised, burned! Nobody talks about the nights where I nearly froze to death just from exposure. And nobody talks about Midna, who was there for all of it. Nobody talks about Midna because Midna left! She left me and she knew it would kill me and SHE LEFT ANYWAY, AND THEN THE WORLD FORGOT HER!"
And for his final act, Link overturned a writing desk loaded with papers, ink, scrolls, framed pictographs, and an oil lamp. The desk fell to the floor with a thump, and then Link slid down next to it.
Rusl stared quietly. "I... I'm sorry I said anything. I can see you need some time to yourself." He turned to leave.
"Wait."
Rusl turned around. "...Link?"
"Rusl, I can't live like this anymore." His voice was quiet. "I've told you how I feel. It's not a secret anymore." He took a long, shaky breath, and then gulped in an attempt to calm himself. "I'll marry her. I'll marry Ilia, if she'll marry me-"
"Link!" Ashei protested, but he cut her off, keeping eye contact with Rusl.
"-I can see that this town needs me. And if I ever loved someone, then she made it clear she never loved me back. But I love Ilia, too, and I know I can rely on her to help me. And with her help, I can help the rest of you, providing you'll forgive me for the things I cannot do."
Rusl stared vacantly for a second. Then, he smiled. "Thank you, Link," he breathed in relief. "Thank you for this. You are not making a mistake. Ilia is a wonderful girl; a wedding is a cause for celebration! Do not despair." He walked over to Link and helped him to his feet, clasping Link's hands firmly in his own. "You are doing what you can to save a group of people who love you very much. You can make your home here, and we will care for you until the end of your days." He pulled Link into a tight embrace. "You are not alone, Link. You are never alone, even if you think you are, you're not."
And with a final grin and a nod, Rusl donned his coat, tipped his hat, and departed. Once the door had shut, the room grew uncomfortably quiet, with Ashei standing dumbly in the middle of it.
"...Ashei?" asked Link experimentally.
She continued to stare blankly ahead. "Congratulations," she said hollowly. And then she got to work picking up the mess Link had made. Link guiltily aided her in tidying up, but he could tell that something was off about her.
The gears in her mind were churning even though she didn't speak. She didn't know how she felt about this; didn't know how she felt about any of it. Twenty-four hours ago Link had been undoubtedly hers. Twenty-four hours from now, he would be another girl's.
She didn't like the idea of sharing him. Even if Ashei wasn't romantically interested in him, he was still hers. He belonged to her, they belonged to each other. For nearly a year, Link had been the pillar of her life. He had become the reason she lived, the reason she functioned, and it had taken her so damn long to figure that out. As she was sweeping up glass shards into a dustpan, she wondered why this wasn't making her angry. She wondered why she wasn't crying, wondered why she didn't want to fight, and realized that she didn't feel sorrowful, but only a sense of what felt almost like insouciance.
The last of the glass now in the pan, Ashei dumped it all into a wastebin and turned to Link. He was standing very still at the edge of the room, a definite frown on his face.
"I'm sorry, Ashei. I am. I think I've made a mistake..."
You have, she wanted to say. You'll never be happy like this. You know it, and I know it, and pretty soon, the whole world will know it.
"You haven't," she then said, forcing a smile. "Ilia will take care of you. You'll be happy here. You'll see." She reached for his hand, but he pulled away. That really stung...
"I should go," she said quickly. "People will be suspicious when they learn I stayed over with an engaged man." Link smirked at the indication.
"Even if it wasn't like that," he added softly.
"Yeah," she said. "Even if..."
She found her way to the door and opened it, and had one foot out when she turned back around. She looked at him, and he looked at her, and they smiled a smile of understanding at one another, and then the door shut, and that was it.
...The room was dimly lit, the only illumination coming from the red embers in the fireplace. Moonlight crept in through the windows, washing Link's skin in patches of white and making it glisten where it was damp. He kept his eyes focused on the spot where their skin touched.
"Tell me why you don't think you're a man," she requested, sincerity in her tone.
"I don't know what constitutes a man," Link answered in the same solemn tone. "I don't know how to define it... it's too abstract. It's like I don't know what I want, so there's nothing to reach for... nothing I can hang on to..."
Ashei couldn't go back to the village, of course, so she decided to take a walk through the forest. It was certainly a beautiful morning, and a quiet one. She closed her eyes for a minute, feeling the waning warmth of the sun on her lids. A moment later, she heard giggling from the trees. She glanced up to see Ilia and Shad walking in her direction.
"Good morn- oh," said Ilia suddenly, having really taken a look at Ashei. "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Ashei said, shaking her head and forcing another smile. "Actually, things are... good. Uh, you should speak to Rusl. He and Link have made arrangements- providing you're willing, of course- for, uh, a wedding. Your wedding. To Link."
Ilia's brow furrowed. "He means to marry me?"
"Providing you're willing," Ashei repeated. Ilia's jaw dropped slightly in disbelief.
"Wow..." she said. "Wow, I didn't expect... this is big. This is really big. Oh, thank the gods." She seemed relieved all of a sudden. "I'm pleased, I really am- even if it doesn't seem that way, I am. The town is saved, Ordon is saved, oh-" she pulled Ashei into an embrace, and Ashei wished more than anything that she hadn't. "Thank you, Ashei," Ilia said, and even though Ashei didn't know what she was being thanked for, she said, "You're welcome."
Ilia pulled away. "I must speak with Father at once!" She trotted down the trail and Shad watched her go, eyes wide.
"Th-that's it," he said, his voice cracking. "That's the end of it. I've lost her. I really have." He slammed his cane into the ground in anger. "I was a fool to think she'd ever pick me!" he finally grunted. He caught Ashei's eye. "You must feel the same."
"I don't know what I feel."
Shad surveyed her. "Weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday?" he asked. Ashei nodded slowly. "Yes, I was..."
They were quiet for a minute. Then, after exhaling in defeat, Shad started to limp back into the woods. "Come along, Ashei. We haven't spent time together in a dog's age. How about we take a walk?"
Ashei just smirked. "All right, but you're asking for it." And with that, the two friends stepped out into the forest once more, a new found fellowship between them that had been so elusive hitherto.
"...So what you want isn't real?" Ashei asked, thoroughly confused.
"Nothing's real."
...She took their entwined hands and brought them to her chest. "But I'm real," she repeated, and she guided him down onto the mattress. She gazed at him laying broken there and for a terrible moment she felt choked up; Link was the only one that got her this way. He was the only one she cared about enough that her entire persona changed, from the way she thought, to the way she acted, to the way the chemicals ran through her bloodstream. Nobody else changed her this way. Not like he did.
Because when Link was drunk- when he was stripped to the core of everything he wore as a mask, when he was laying broken under the weight of the world, when he was so brutally honest that Ashei was permitted to enter the crags of his mind- that was when she changed. When Link stopped being Hero, Leader, Fighter, Ashei stopped being Warrior, Joker, Tomboy, and she became Fire and he became Fuel, and they searched each other to find themselves.
She rested her head over his chest, locking her arms around him and holding tight as if he might drift away without her as his anchor.
"You are real," Link repeated, his voice heavy and drowsy with intoxication. "That's why you will always stay once all the rest is gone."
Dull filler chapter is poetically dull...? I wanted to really flesh out some of the character relationships in this chapter, but that's kind of hard to do when the plot is out to lunch.
Thanks to everyone for all of your support. As usual, I am totally indebted to you. This story would never have gotten off the ground without you guys.
Next chapter: the Wedding Day... or is it?
Stay tuned...?
-Ctj
