"Look up."
Link obliged slowly, forcing his exhausted eyelids open, tired, sunken blue eyes searching the blurry world for something comprehensible. The words had coiled about him, wrapping around him and drenching him in a cold sweat; he shivered at the sound of that voice, and then he looked.
The sight that met his eyes shook him to the core. Every one of his friends was gagged and brought to their knees, being held in place by a line of very fierce, well-armed guards. Each pair of eyes was brimming with desperation and hopelessness, as if they'd already given up, and Link got to his feet shakily, taking a few steps forward and reaching for his sword almost instinctively.
"I-"
"Don't talk," a voice cut in, and Link whirled around. There, standing almost casually before him, was the chancellor. He was staring at him impassively, and there was a drop of disappointment in his voice. "I must say," the chancellor droned after a few seconds had passed, "you're boring me slightly."
"You told me not to talk," Link responded through gritted teeth.
"Which of course meant that I wanted to hear your angry, wretched protests,"Crevan responded lightly, stepping forward into a ray of moonlight, and rather invading Link's personal space. He was relatively the same height as the ex-hero, and Link found it quite difficult to maintain eye contact without feeling unnerved. Crevan's eyes were very pale and very still.
To Link's relief, the chancellor finally turned, breaking off their staring contest and pacing a few steps in the opposite direction. "Well, then. Take a nice, long look, Link. Here they all are- the friends you've been looking for."
Link gravitated naturally in their direction. He had no words for them- they seemed so battered, so worn- and so he only extended a hand halfheartedly in their direction. "I'm- I'm sorry," he said, and the words were dry on his tongue. His friends, silenced by the bindings strangling their jaws, only responded with sad eyes, and Link, feeling rather empty, let his hand fall numbly at his hip. He turned back to Crevan.
"What do you want?" he asked. Crevan raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Rather straightforward, aren't you?" he said with a light chuckle. "Ah, yes... down to business. You're wondering what I want from you so that I'll let your friends go- rather conceited of you to automatically assume that I'm holding them hostage all for you."
"Aren't you?" Link replied dully.
"Of course I am, but that doesn't make it any less conceited," Crevan pointed out.
"Tell me what I need to do to set them free."
Crevan merely laughed. "Who said I was setting them free?"
"I thought it was implied."
"Is that so? By whom?"
"Typical bad-guy behavior," Link replied. "You must want something. But what?"
Crevan's cheeks puffed out and he clasped his hands behind his back, beginning to pace in the opposite direction. "You're rather conditioned, aren't you? Fought a lot of 'bad-guys' in your day. You're so quick to categorize me."
"I categorized you awhile ago, actually."
"So you'd caught wind of me?"
"We've been on your case for several weeks, now," Link answered. Crevan puffed out his cheeks.
"Weeks," he repeated after a long moment, and smirked. "How very cute. Perhaps it would interest you to learn that I've been on your case, Master Link, for months."
There was a muffled gasp from off to the side- Ilia- and Link didn't know quite why. Seconds later, an aggravated guard kicked her in the back and she keeled over, shaking. Shad, who was beside her, reached out a hand and placed it delicately on her shoulder. The action was gentle and intimate, and even in times like these, Link felt that it was almost an invasion of their privacy to watch. He turned back to Crevan.
"Months," Link now said. "Explain."
Crevan was trying to suppress a smile. "I do love this bit," he laughed after a moment. "The great revelation. Ahem- bring her out!" Link heard the shuffling of feet from beyond the castle balcony, and then two guards appeared- and with them- Mildred.
"Master Link!" she cried, but received a blow to the back of the head and bowed over with a whimper. She glanced back up, tears forming in her beady eyes. She was wordless from that point onward, and Link stared blankly at her, a complex, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Mildred has been a good girl all these months," Crevan began, pacing toward the little bulblin. "She fed me all of the information I needed- really helped me to understand you a little better, hero," he scoffed.
Link turned to his friends, whose faces had fallen in utter defeat. He turned back to Mildred, whose face had gone almost stoic. Her expression had changed remarkably- but what was she trying to convey?
"I asked her to spy on you before you two even met each other," Crevan explained.
"You didn't ask me, you forced me!" Mildred argued, and received yet another beating. She collapsed to the ground in a pathetic ball.
"That's not to say I trusted her," the chancellor continued. "I had others spying on her, of course- I have no shortage of spies, you see- I'd guess that half the people you've met in the past six months have been spying on you. I even got the mailman to start reading your letters to me- imagine the look of shock on my face when I realized that you'd made plans to invite the farm girl to live with you!" He mocked an expression of surprise, and then cast a dirty look in Ilia's direction, which Link resented.
"But why Mildred?" Link stated. Crevan smiled smugly.
"I had a word with all of the bulblins before you even entered the picture. I didn't force them to do anything- on the contrary, I gave them a choice! Either they could fake an alliance with the hero and feed me information about him, or they could wait for him to kill them." He paused. "We're talking about you, of course."
"I never planned to kill any of them."
"Yes, but you see, I did. So kind Mildred volunteered. The problem was, she didn't expect for you to be so- er, kind. She must have fallen in love with you. You had quite the crush, didn't you, Mildred?"
The small bulblin emitted a small squeak, and Crevan's smile widened. "Indeed." He glanced back up and sucked his cheeks in for a moment, formulating his next words in his head. "She told me all about you, Link. About your humor, your kindness. About how you were sorrowful in private, about how you chose not to speak about your... deeds. And of course she shared your drinking habits, regaled us with the details of your attraction to Miss Ashei, and relayed to us an interesting observation- that you were not quite as content as you were letting on. I got the feeling that there was a severe discomfort that had been festering within you for awhile- and by now, you see, I was so very interested in you- you're quite the man, you know... And so I did some research. I looked into your... records... and learned some interesting stories- some straight from the princess' mouth."
Link glanced over at Zelda instinctively, who was tied up next to Ashei. Her face was plagued with guilt, and Link's gut squirmed- he already had a feeling as to exactly which stories she had recounted for Crevan.
"When you made your departure for Ordon, Mildred made sure to tell me- of course, at this point, she was very reluctant to share details- you're very dear to her, you know- and so I forced the story out of her. I panicked- you were leaving, and poor Mildred was not invited! And so I took matters into my own hands. I hadn't cared about Ordon until now, but I decided it was time to take action. Rasire and his men were more than happy to fill in for Mildred. And the stories they brought back! Why, I don't know where to begin! But perhaps my favorite story was the one about the wedding."
Link had gone very, very still. He could only stare blankly as Crevan continued monologuing.
"It was like my own little stage drama, you know. Your tale was by far more interesting than anything I'd heard about anyone else. Imagine this- the sad, beaten boy being sent back into a hometown that didn't understand him! Forced into a marriage that he did not want, all to preserve a political tradition that he didn't much care about anyway. And there were soldiers dying, and a breakout of sudden wrath- the girl you loved nearly died- what a suspenseful tale- oh, it was marvelous!" he cried, clapping his hands together. Falling silent, he could merely shake his head.
"But enough of this," Crevan finally said, glancing back up. "I'm quite the chatterbox, and I'm sure I've quite worn you out. I cannot begin to express my elation when I learned that you would be coming for me! Ah, yes, I got that detail, too- from the very same man who told you Princess Zelda would be hosting a ball! One of my own soldiers- what a good boy, leading you right to my doorstep. Mildred was kind enough to express to me the rest of your plans- I worked around them- nasty obstacles, yes, but I assumed I had you figured out.
"Until, of course, everything went wrong," Crevan explained. "You weren't meant to stay in the ballroom, you were meant to save the princess! I hear that you owe her quite the debt- forgive me for prying, but I simply had to find out what sort of debt that was- I think I've got it, by the way, but that's just a minor detail... I put her in my quarters, hoping that you would be the one to retrieve her, but I must have miscalculated, for who did she turn up with, but the farm girl and Miss Ashei! My frustration was... evident... and so I took to setting traps. Got you here as quickly as I could- did you like my little surprise, by the way? Oh, those soldiers- brilliant fighters- and you took out every one of them, didn't you?! I must say, that was not disappointing one bit."
Link was beginning to shake with rage. "Why are you telling me all of this?!" he finally cried. "What do you achieve by disclosing everything?!"
"Well, now, that's the best part," Crevan said in a low voice, "and I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise. But I'll get to that- in time, I will get to that- but I must ask you..." He stepped forward suddenly, and there was anger in his face. "How come Mildred was scampering around the courtyard with an empty satchel?!"
Adrenaline shot through Link's gut as Crevan turned and pointed to Mildred. The guard beside her withdrew a beaten leather satchel, the contents of which had apparently been spilled. And Link was wrought with anxiety and confusion again, for the fact that it was empty could mean any variety of things…
"I don't know," Link said quickly.
"Liar," Crevan scoffed. "You've got a plan up your sleeve, haven't you, boy? What is it?!"
"I said I don't know!" Link answered, and this time he stared Crevan down when he said it. And for once, Crevan was thrown off of his mark, for he clearly could not tell whether or not Link was lying. Good- this was good…
Finally, Crevan took a few steps away; apparently, he had given up, or at least had decided that it was not worth his time to press the matter.
"I have… grown bored of this charade," he finally remarked. "It does not suit me, and now it is time for you and I to play a little game," Crevan decided with a smile. Link's brow furrowed.
"What sort of game?"
"It's a mind game," the chancellor answered, and caught Link's eye. "How about this? I'll be the good guy, and you can be the bad guy. You and I are going to have a little conversation, and at the end, you're going to make a decision!"
Link was heavily skeptical. "A... decision?"
"You heard me," the chancellor answered slyly. "Shh- patience. Listen. Now, I have an interesting story to tell you. It's about a young man by the name of... oh... Hero. Now, Hero was always a good boy when he was a child. He did as he was told. He was very talented and very loved."
"I don't understand-"
"SHH! ...Now, Hero had two friends. One was named Girl, and the other was named Boy. One day, Boy and Girl got kidnapped! And Hero, overcome with an irrational desire to save them, set out on a quest to save his friends. So, he ventured out along the well-trodden path to adventure, encountering the occasional obstacle here and there, making new acquaintances, learning a thing or two about destiny- yes, on he went, so careful and yet so careless- an odd combination- bit of an oxymoron, hm?"
"I think I've heard this story before," Link grumbled under his breath, and his sweaty fingers curled even more tightly around the hilt of his sword.
"But, you see, Link... a strange thing happened to Hero. He didn't understand it at the time, but what happened was this: when he finally saved Boy and Girl, he realized that they had been wounded along the way! They'd undergone pain- physical pain, mental pain- and Hero couldn't bear to watch! And he felt a strange, burning emotion beginning to swirl around in the pit of his stomach. He didn't understand what it was. All he knew was that he wanted to punish the kidnappers for what they had done to Boy and Girl. And so Hero armed himself and set out- you see, even though his quest was complete, he'd decided that just saving his friends wasn't enough. No, he had to find the kidnappers, and wound them just as they had wounded Boy and Girl! It was a strange, small, nagging feeling at first. But it got the best of him... and so he complied. And even though there was a tiny voice in his head saying don't, he did."
Link took a shaky breath, anger beginning to bubble within him. He raised his sword slightly. "What are you achieving with this, Crevan?!" he asked defensively. Crevan only smirked- he knew that Link knew exactly what the chancellor was trying to achieve. And it was working, and Link was beginning to panic.
"Poor Hero could barely keep up. All he could feel was anger, washing over him in waves and dragging him out- each wave weathered him until finally he buckled and was dragged out to sea. He tread water for awhile- we're speaking metaphorically, of course- pretending that he was quite all right, but as the quest got bigger and the bad guys got badder, his anger and desire for revenge just got so overbearing that he could think of nothing else! And poor Hero left himself behind, he really did. The pool of bad guys just kept growing as Hero started putting together a list of men and women who had caused him pain! He wanted revenge on all of them, and soon he wanted revenge on all of their allies, until finally he'd mounted a war on entire species- he barely thought of Boy and Girl anymore, he thought only of a desire to silence evil, and finally, after a long and tiresome journey, he realized that he'd killed all of the baddies but one."
Link gulped. "And that one..."
"Was the very last straw. Hero reveled in the death of Villain- and Villain was the name of the grand puppeteer in Hero's quest- and once Villain was slain, Hero was incredibly pleased. You see, Hero had grown fond of killing. Very fond. And to think, when he'd set out on his quest, that killing was just the thing he was trying to prevent! And he realized, turning upon the trail of blood he'd left behind him, that he really had been no different than Villain or the kidnappers- that Villain, like Hero, had likely had his own Boy and his own Girl who he had been trying to avenge- and Hero was mortified! Because, you see... Hero realized that by slaying Villain, he had not vanquished evil. No... in the end, all that Hero had done was take Villain's place"
Link was very shaken by now. His skin was coated in a cold sweat, and he felt incredibly weak and lightheaded.
"So that's it, then?" he questioned wearily. "You think you've got me all figured out?"
Crevan smirked. "Your friends have been trying to figure you out for months, haven't they? They've been blaming your sorrows on manic depression and alcoholism and post-traumatic stress... funny, aren't they? Such technicalities. And here I was, just going about my business, when suddenly you popped onto my radar- you really are quite the celebrity, you know- and all it took was the occasional interview, story, what have you, for me to piece together exactly what was ailing you." He took a step forward. "I have got you figured out. I know why you swing back and forth, why fighting sickens you and yet why you raise a sword all the same. Do you want me to say it? We both know what it is."
"Don't say it," Link said. Crevan's brow shot up.
"I am surprised. You've been begging me for answers all night, and now that we've reached our grand conclusion, you're attempting to silence me! Now why's that?"
Involuntarily, Link's eyes flicked over to where his friends were being held captive. Their eyes were all wide with terror... Having realized his mistake, Link glanced back at Crevan, but it was too late. An expression of realization had crossed the chancellor's face.
"Oh," he said, and Link's stomach dropped. "Oh, I see- you don't want them finding out about all of this." He took a step forward. "Did you ever tell them?" Crevan asked suddenly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Link lied, his insides writhing as his secrets began to unravel.
"Well, then, I suppose it's all up to me," Crevan sighed. "Really, you make this so difficult-" the chancellor turned to face Link's friends, and slowly, he spoke. "I don't suppose you all know why I chose this location," he said. When he received no answer, he continued, "Well, I chose it quite awhile ago- we can all thank little Mildred for that, for she filled me in on exactly where it should be- we'd done some spying..."
Link glanced at Mildred suddenly, a spark of realization igniting within him. She convinced him to choose this place- but that means-
"-and we pieced together the most interesting story. We got bits and pieces of it here and there- Zelda supplied quite a bit of it, didn't you, dear? ...Come now, don't avert your eyes, Princess! Does the memory ail you? I'm sure it does. It took quite awhile to gather the details, but Zelda's soldiers helped... it really was very fascinating. And now, the hook- do you know, my dear company, why I chose this very location for our meeting? No?" He smirked, and turned to face Link. "Why don't you tell them yourself?"
Time seemed to slow down, and Link swallowed heavily as he felt every eye turn expectantly on him. His breathing seemed very loud in the pressing silence, and his shoulders drooped at his side, the point of his blade clinking as it dragged along the paving stones. His heart sped up, adrenaline swirled within him, and, white in the face, he hung his head and spoke.
"The chancellor's right. I know exactly why he chose this place." He glanced up, and he didn't know who to look at, so he just stared blankly over all of their heads. "The chancellor chose this very balcony because... because it was right here, nine months ago, that I tried to kill myself."
He expected some sort of reaction- muffled wails or gasps or wide-eyes, but all that he received were tired, earnest stares that seemed to pierce right through him.
"I- I'm sorry," he said, for that was all that he could muster. "I'm sorry I never told you." He felt that his apology was very weak, and he clamped his jaw shut, letting his head fall once more. His mind was whirring with a thousand different things, not to mention the lingering effects of Mildred's apparent betrayal, and he was torn with confusion- could he trust her? Was this a lie- a double lie- what was he supposed to believe? And his head was buzzing and his heart was throbbing, Crevan knew all of his secrets and they were spilling out of him like a flood- he'd never in all his life felt like exploding and imploding all at once. Not like this, never like this.
"And yet," Crevan whispered after a moment, "you didn't die."
They locked eyes suddenly.
"Does that disappoint you?" Link finally asked lamely.
"Not in the slightest. I've told you already, you're quite the celebrity, both inside and outside of Hyrule. I'll admit, you were what truly attracted me here. I'd heard of the great hero's deeds, and I thought, my, wouldn't he be quite the ally?"
"I wouldn't join you in a million years."
"No? We'll see about that- but wait! We're not there yet! We were in the middle of a brilliant story from which we have digressed. Let's pick it back up- but where were we- I believe we were at, but you didn't die..."
"I didn't die because I never jumped," Link answered.
"Aha! Now we are on to something. Did you consider killing yourself for long before you made what would have been the final decision?"
"I was upset. I was ill. And all I could think of was how brutal I'd been. I felt monstrous, and I wanted the pain to end. And I was unhappy. Late one night, I noticed the guard outside my door had nodded off, and everything just clicked. I'd thought of this balcony before..." the words began tumbling out of his mouth faster than he could catch up, and he felt his gut begin to unclench- after nine months, he was finally talking about it. And he wasn't telling the story for Crevan's pleasure, but instead as a confession to the friends that had supported him for so long now. Their bound jaws obstructed any words from escaping their mouths, and yet Link could read traces of shock and sorrow in their eyes as a long-closed wound broke open and the words rushed forth like blood...
...His clothes stuck to him with sweat, and he thrashed back and forth, his breathing labored as he fought back yet another nightmare. All that he could see was the blood, and the vibrations of his sword as it hacked into an enemy shook his arm. He knew that this was wrong, so very wrong, and yet he could not help but register a sense of twisted satisfaction as his enemy fell at his feet. He smothered that spark of happiness and told himself again that this was wrong, and he was torn between the horrid pleasure of the battle and the sick truth of its immorality. The blood glistened beneath him, and he felt both sick and awed, and he knew that he was far too young to feel this way-
His eyes snapped open and the vision disappeared. Wearily, he dragged himself up, peeling the sweaty sheets from his skin and running his fingers through damp tendrils of hair.
Nearly a month had passed since the defeat of Ganondorf. Hyrule Castle was cold and quiet around him, except for the patter of rain on the rooftop, and he swung his legs over the side of his bed and pressed the soles of his feet into the tile. He knew that if Midna were here, she would know just what to say. She'd always been just right for him- had provided him with motivation, had reminded him that he was living the life of a soldier, and that he had been given an important responsibility to maintain...
And yet she wasn't here. She was gone, and her face flashed through his mind- he envisioned not the countenance of a gorgeous princess, but instead the coy smirk of an imp, and his stomach became a knot of confusing emotions. Sorrow clashed with anger clashed with a faint sense of betrayal. Why had she gone, when she knew how much he needed her?!
He glanced up to where light was filtering in through the doorway. It was late at night, now, and the guard that usually stood watch had dozed off, his head lolling to the side. Link resented that Zelda kept a guard at the door- she always told Link it was for his own safety, and yet he had never really pieced together who it was she was trying to protect him from.
He crept to the other side of the room and leaned against the doorframe. The guard was stone cold, and Link peered out into the arched corridor. His legs felt very wobbly beneath him, but he stumbled out of the room anyway and gazed out at either end of the corridor. Candlelight cast long, flickering shadows against hushed walls. With one last glance back to make sure the coast was clear, Link began to saunter in one direction almost robotically. His head was foggy and he wasn't exactly sure where he was going, but he moved forward anyway, turning corridors that felt right, letting tapestries and suits of armor and candlesticks roll by one by one. A very odd feeling had developed in his gut, and it felt almost as if he weren't passing through this corridor, and instead the corridor was passing through him, and he was really rooted in place, not moving at all.
The corridor turned a corner and Link was pulled forward- and he really did feel as if he were being pulled along now as opposed to propelling himself, because images and ideas were beginning to fall into place and he didn't feel very much in control at all.
The hallway continued to brush past him, the ground rolling out beneath his feet, and suddenly the corridor turned into a set of doors which swung open and ushered Link through. From here a giant room made itself visible, but even as colossal arched windows and long shadows went past he still did not understand exactly where he was going, only that he could not stop moving. His ears were ringing- when had that happened?- the castle pushed him up a staircase and to a set of doors... why did he feel that the castle was slowly becoming more alive, more vibrant? Was that thunder and wind, or was it the castle's heartbeat, and the air in the castle's lungs? Why did he feel like his own energy was draining into the building that propelled him forth?
It made no sense.
He reached a set of doors. Click.
It made complete sense.
His hand was dragged toward a knob and the door pulled his arm forth and hoisted his tired body through. Then it threw itself shut, and Link, shaking, moved forward.
Rain crashed down all around him, plastering his hair to his forehead, seeping icily through his cotton clothes and freezing his bare feet. He shivered, secretly reveling in the fact that the rain made him feel somehow real as opposed to just a shell. He could not stop thinking about the nightmare- he'd had so many of them that they'd become routine. The walls of the sickbay he'd been kept in flashed through his mind, and again he saw blood, and again his heart stammered.
He pressed forward, feet going numb as they sloshed through puddles. Somehow he reached the edge of the balcony, and his ears began to ring and his breathing became heavy and he broke into another sweat. Freezing cold and incredibly numb, everything made sense at once, and his body was protesting.
The way out...
He stared down into the courtyard below the balcony, and the earth swirled as he felt his body begin to topple. His stomach lurched, and he shot back suddenly, gulping and closing his eyes.
Who was Zelda protecting me from?
The answer had now become apparent.
She was protecting me from myself.
But he didn't care about her in that moment. He didn't care about her and he didn't care about Ganondorf and he didn't care about Midna and he didn't care about Zant and he didn't care about Ilia and he didn't care about himself. The only people he cared about were the corpses that had long rotted and had become part of the earth they had once walked. He had driven live from them, had tortured them as he'd demolished hoards of close-knit creatures that had been no more than slaves to Ganondorf's will. They had done the evil man's bidding in a desperate attempt to survive- but had Ganondorf really been evil? Had Link really been 'good?'
The world swirled around him and his stomach churned. Stumbling forward, he fell to his knees at the edge of the balcony and stared down into the courtyard. It was fairly empty; nothing but grass and paving stones and benches and a small marble fountain; fake, all of it, forced to create a setting- nothing felt real- he felt numb…
The ringing in his ears intensified until he could hear nothing and his heart was thrashing within him, knowing what he was about to do and begging him not to. And yet he stood anyway, knowing that this was not just the right option but the only option- it would end everything, and he would seep into the warm, comfortable cocoon of nothingness- the world would be free of him and his blade alike. And his friends- Midna- Ilia- Rusl- they had all vanished… they were long gone- beyond recall- he would not be missed.
He readied himself. He was shaking, but that didn't matter, now. The rain and fog encased him, the air was thick, and he breathed deeply of it, feeling it swirl around in his lungs. His heart throbbed and sputtered and begged him to stop please stop, but his brain was an engine in overdrive, and it willed his legs forward- the ground shook beneath him as he barreled toward the edge, feeling freer with every step. It came quickly into view, and the hard ground down below- and the ending that would come with it- was just in reach…
Something latched suddenly around his legs and he lost his footing, crashing forward and slamming into the floor of the balcony. His head spun with pain and the impact had knocked all of the wind from his lungs. Coughing and heaving for breath, he turned painfully onto his side- and that was when he saw her.
Her arms were still latched tightly around his legs, and she was staring at him in awe, also breathing heavily as if she'd run as quickly as she could for as far as he could. All sense of stateliness had been forsaken in the midst of sheer human panic, and even as she backed slowly away, she did not fully regain her composure.
"P-Princess-" Link stammered weakly.
"Link," she answered, and he observed her- dress soaked and dirty and trampled from running, hair astray and stuck to her face from the rain, water droplets hanging from her lashes and the tip of her nose and lips and chin- she was crying- "Link… please… don't."
He did not know what to think or say- he could merely register a strange mixture of outrage and relief, both battling for dominance. His heart continued to thud and he registered total exhaustion; Zelda opened her arms, and Link gave in, falling into them.
In that moment he felt helpless and broken. He did not feel like a child, though- he felt aged beyond his years, and he let Zelda pull him in. Her grasp was firm and she pulled him in close, embracing him, sheltering him, pressing her cheek against his forehead and crying into his hair for him to 'please just listen.' He could feel the rumble of her voice as she spoke. He was not exactly sure what Zelda was saying- he felt very out of it.
But he knew that the words she choked out were desperate. They came straight from her heart in a way that was far from noble- he registered only snippets of her words, but he knew from those words alone that Zelda was the wisest person he had ever met, and her wisdom had nothing to do with politics.
"...I know you feel broken, and I know you feel ill and forgotten and lonely, but you are not- you are none of those things- please, if you would only listen, then perhaps you would understand- you may think you are villainous, but that has nothing to do with being a hero… you are a hero to many… so many who love and accept you, who show their affections in ways that you don't understand because they are unsure of exactly how to relay their love. Link- brave Link, you must understand, the heart that beats within your ribcage has undergone much turmoil- and yet it has continued to pump blood in spite of how it aches… you are strong in ways you do not yet realize- and you will continue to amaze people- I do not say these words in mockery, Link, for they are not shallow; I mean each and every one of them.
"You have undergone pain… your heart has broken itself with worry, and guilt has weighed you down; you have tricked yourself into feeling nothing but regret when there is so much more in the world… but you are no villain, Link- not in the slightest- your conscience is what keeps you from villainy, for you understand the depth of everything you do, and that is not because you are a monster, but because you choose to think and feel and believe that there is more to this cruel earth than the violence that fuels it… You were thrown out into the wilderness with nothing but a thrashing heart and a fighting chance, and then you were told to pursue a destiny that you could never hope to comprehend at such a stage in your life…
"If it is anger you feel, then you have every right to feel it, for you were used by the gods in a way that no man should ever be used. And you must remember that, for you must know that what you have done has not made you any less human, and you have every right to be loved- and you will be loved, Link, I swear to Nayru you will find people who love you more than you ever thought possible, and they will extend their hearts to you and you will be amazed by the depth of your own emotion. And when that happens your heart will ignite- even now, when things seem so dark and drear, I can promise you that you will find friends where you least expect them.
"When you take your first few steps out of this castle things will seem very strange at first- you will take up lodging somewhere that you might not expect to, and the people you live with will give you odd looks because you will seem so very different to them. 'This is my roof,' they will say, 'and under my roof, you are to obey my rules.' And those first few days under their roof will seem very strange, and their rules will be no exception- but very soon afterward their roof will begin to feel like your roof, and their rules will shape your life in a way you never saw coming- and the lodgers there- they will be your friends- they will be your family, Link, and they will save you just like you saved them-
"Oh, Link," she finally wailed, and she pulled the sad, lonely boy as close as she could and sobbed openly into his shoulder. "Oh, Link, if I can promise you one thing- just one thing- then I can promise you this: someday you will be surrounded by people you love in a place you know that you belong, and a moment will come when you will look around you and you will say to yourself, 'My roof, my rules, my family, my home-' and in that moment you will be happy- so very happy- that you never took your own life."
For a long time, the pair remained frozen in place, and Link was wordless, for he did not want to speak and Zelda was by no means requiring him to do so. Then, when they had been there for so long that they were shivering, she stood up and led Link inside by the hand, letting him sit and dry off by a fire, which he stared at intently. She called an audience with Auru, who arranged for a room to be prepared for Link at Telma's inn, claiming that he had a group there that had known Link during the dark days and would be able to aid in his recovery. And Zelda had thanked Auru, and had explained to Link that he was free to seek lodging at the inn if he so pleased… he had accepted with as much eagerness as a sick man could…
And finally, before they had parted ways, Link had turned to face Zelda and had said with a weary gaze but a firm resolve, "Thank you, Princess- I owe you… I will always owe you…"
The memory vanished soon enough and Link felt himself being dragged back into reality. The story had spilled from his mouth and now he had the full attention of his friends, whose expressions were frustratingly difficult to read- finally, he turned to Crevan, who raised his gloved hands and applauded Link's tale with a slow clap.
"How very marvelous," he said finally, and there was mockery in his voice. "I must say, you are a trooper- here we are, on the very same balcony that you once tried to launch yourself off of, and my, how different the circumstances are this time around!"
Link took a long breath and steadied his grasp around the hilt of his sword. He tensed his muscles; exhaled; raised the tip of the blade slightly… and then he looked Crevan dead in the eyes. There was something in him that felt different than before, almost as if in finally telling his story he had freed himself from a burden that had been weighing him down. Indeed, he felt slightly stronger, and that was good- Crevan's taunting had no doubt been meant to weaken him, and yet he didn't feel weak; if anything, he felt almost stoic and cool-mannered about the moments to come.
"But enough storytelling," Crevan finally remarked. "I told you- we are in the midst of a mind game. You are the 'bad guy.' I am the 'good guy.' Surely you have accepted your role as the bad guy- after all, you have done all of the killing today- and I, well… I have killed nobody. In fact," he said suddenly, and tapped his chin with his index finger, "even before today, I killed nobody- when I look back at the soldiers I sent to Ordon Village… ah, yes, the villagers are still alive, but what of the soldiers? Why, they were slaughtered- and I look at your friends- very much alive, you see, but what of the men that you encountered on your way here? Hm, it seems that they are dead- yes, very dead."
"But you would have killed them-"
"On the contrary, I gave strict instructions to my men not to kill anybody- the same instructions I gave them when I sent them to Ordon Village to spy on you. When the girl nearly died, one of them pretended to side with you in a desperate attempt to save her- in reality, he was only heeding my orders."
Link was shaking his head. "That's impossible- they tortured us-"
"Oh, so now torture is a measure of evil?" Crevan remarked. "Why, if that is the case, then surely you have scored some points in that area as well." He was pacing back and forth, now, and smiling to himself. "I am sure you understand very fully the implication I am making- that evil can be measured mathematically."
"That's not true," Link said immediately. "Evil is- it's morality-"
"And yet we grant the title of 'terrorist' to the man who commits more murder than most."
"Well, I suppose it's immoral to kill a lot-"
"A conclusion which has caused you to contradict yourself!" Crevan cried. "First you said that evil was not mathematical, but a measure of morality- now you claim that morality is in itself mathematical, thus giving evil properties befitting arithmetic!"
Frustrated with himself, Link kept his mouth shut. He's using my words against me.
"Whatever your opinion on the matter, we are soon going to either prove it or disprove it. For the game is nearly at its end, and as I warned you before, it will soon be time for you to make your decision. You win by proving to me that you are truly the 'good guy' in this situation- as you clearly believe yourself to be, because you were quick to address me as the 'bad guy' when we first met."
"What kind of decision am I making here?"
"It's a… well, it's not just a mind game, it's a death game. I won't lunge at you or slash or hack- none of that messy hoopla, I'll leave the slashing and hacking to you- I will merely drop my weapons and expose myself. Yes, I can see your face contorting- what you are thinking is, in fact, true- one of the options presented to you will be to kill me."
"And the other?" Link asked, not wanting to dwell on the idea.
"Your other option… will be to kill Princess Zelda."
At this, a soldier stepped forward with the princess in tow. He threw her forward and she landed on her knees, and Crevan, smirking, paced over to her. He reached down and untied the gag from her jaw, letting it slip away gracefully. With uncomfortable gentleness, he brushed the stray hair from her face, and Link noticed that Zelda kept her eyes downcast- she very clearly was frightened of Crevan in a way that she was frightened of no one else.
"Please stop," she finally said when Crevan continued stroking her hair. His hands stilled and he smirked slightly.
"Ah, that's right, I nearly forgot- my gender offsets you." He glanced up at Link. "Did you know that your precious princess entertains the company of women where she should be considering men?"
"That's not true- she's chaste, she took a vow-" Link shut up immediately at the look that Zelda was giving him. "Oh…" he said suddenly, and his jaw snapped shut.
"Yes, it's very odd. But let's not make her feel bad about it- though you mustn't forget that her actions are sinful and wrong- your beloved gods would be heartbroken to see that their divine one has broken a sacred covenant. By the by, Link, do you include religion in your measure of morality?"
"No."
Crevan raised his eyebrows. "Very well, if you say so." He took a few steps to the side and kneeled down suddenly, carefully unbuttoning his collar and exposing his neck. He raised his chin slightly, and the soldier near Zelda forced her to do the same. She was trying to remain calm, but she was very clearly frightened, as she was shaking slightly.
"Link…" she said, making eye contact with him. "Link, please- make the right decision-"
"Wait, wait, wait! But that's the point of the game!" Crevan cried. "We have yet to introduce a few more variables, you see- for you are going to decide whether evil truly is a case of morality and not arithmetic, as you say, Link. And here are the rules-
"If you choose to kill the princess, then you and your friends will all live and I will call off my soldiers. But if you choose to kill me, then an elite team of archers will be notified of my death, and they will fire not upon your men, but upon each of mine until they have all been killed."
Link's eyes widened, and Crevan chuckled.
"Yes, that's it… all of my men, hundreds of them, will cry out and die- they do not know that they have arrows turned upon them, but my own death will render them disposable- indeed, if you wish to kill me, hero, then you must also endorse the slaughter of hundreds of innocent men that have been forced to do my will."
Link's mind whirred and he felt very sick all of a sudden. He glanced between Zelda- Zelda, to whom he owed a debt and felt bound to protect, Zelda, who had aided him during his darkest hours, who had fought with valor against Ganondorf, who was beautiful and wise and deserved support, not destruction-
And then he turned to Crevan, who was not nervous, and was merely smirking. Link would not mind killing Crevan- he was destructive enough despite the fact that he had never killed, and yet evil clearly was beginning to hold numerical value, because to kill Crevan would be to kill hundreds of men within moments, and that would induce more guilt than he could possibly imagine- it would be a massacre- could he really put himself behind that? And in that respect, the idea of killing Zelda became simultaneously easy and impossible, and his gut squirmed- but he glanced suddenly at Mildred, who was nodding at him- there was still a way out-
"You are wondering how you could possibly choose," Crevan scoffed. "Well, the most interesting part is still to come, I'm afraid." He turned to the soldiers. "On my count, you will unbind the rags around his friends' jaws, and they will be permitted to shout whatever they please to sway the hero's opinion. They can wail and scream and thrash in place- whatever they want, really- in three- two-"
Their jaws were unbound and a blur of frantic voices met Link's ears all at once.
"KILL HIM! KILL HIM NOW!" Telma cried, trying desperately to free herself of her bindings.
"GET CREVAN, JUST KILL CREVAN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!" someone was shouting. "PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE, PUT AN END TO THIS MADNESS!"
Rusl. It was Rusl. He was beyond panicked, and Link recalled the turmoil that Rusl's family had faced mere weeks ago- of course- killing Crevan and his soldiers would liberate the civilians-
"LINK, JUST DO IT- damn it all- if you can't do it, then I'll do it for you- I SWEAR TO THE GODS, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!" Auru belted out shamelessly, and he wriggled violently in protest. "Damn it- FINISH HIM OFF! FINISH THEM ALL OFF, THEY WERE FOOLS TO FOLLOW HIM AND HAVE EARNED THEIR DEMISE RIGHTFULLY!"
But that was so brutal- and to think of so many cold, dead carcasses- his own fault...
Ilia was petrified, and in her fear she had been struck silent, and was no help to Link; on the contrary, she'd thrown herself immediately at Shad, who was trying his best to comfort her whilst shouting, "Just do what he says- it's not worth it! If you kill his whole army, that's it, you'll be ruined- we'll all be ruined!"
And while Link couldn't believe that Shad would advocate for Zelda's execution, he could also see the panic in the scholar's eyes- Shad was intelligent, and obviously had realized that Crevan had outsmarted them all. And perhaps Shad was right- perhaps Crevan had even more up his sleeve than anyone was willing to admit-
But it was Ashei's voice that rung out over all of them, and it stood out because it took neither side.
"LINK, IT'S A TRAP! IT'S A TRAP- YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND- HE WANTS YOU TO BE RUINED! He wants you either to fall or to join him- that's why he wanted you to find Zelda and not me, because he'd put out all of his weapons on display- he did it to impress you and to frighten you, Link, so that you'd know where his powers lie and so that you would take his side- don't you get it?!" Ashei wailed, and the other voices fell silent until only hers rung out through the night. "Don't you understand- it's all a trap- he's using you and making you feel like everything's your fault when none of it is! There must be a way out-"
And then she stopped talking suddenly, because she feared already that she'd said too much. Old habits die hard, she realized.
Crevan was smirking, as if he knew exactly what Link was going to say next. But Link ignored this and said it anyway.
"Suppose I choose neither option."
"You won't do that," Crevan scoffed.
"But suppose I do."
"And how would you manage that? Link- dear Link- do me a favor and look far to your left."
Hesitantly, Link obeyed. He turned his eyes to the left, and upon squinting, made out a line of archers in the distance. Their arrows were already nocked- they'd been waiting all this time for a cue.
"Now, be a dear and look to your right."
He knew what he would see and he was right. More archers.
"And look up."
Archers again, mere silhouettes against the night.
"Now… look back at the princess and me."
Link obeyed, although he did not know why. He knew now the circumstances- if he did not choose, then it was death for all of his friends.
"And just to add a little color to the game- so that you don't go choosing option number three, you know- I shall make the means of your death just slightly more interesting." Crevan turned suddenly to the side, and pointed at Ashei. "Bring the girl over here."
"No-" Link said immediately, although he did not know what it was he was protesting. Ashei was dragged over in his direction, and she caught his eye momentarily- his stomach turned- not her, please, not her- what are they even going to do with her? Oh, gods…
"Arm her."
Reluctance flitted across a soldier's face.
"Are- are you sure?"
"Do as I say. There is nothing to fear."
The soldier received a small knife and thrust the hilt of it into Ashei's palm, and she was pushed in Link's direction suddenly. Crevan smirked again.
"Now, girl- I do find it amusing that you're a female soldier, by the way- if he chooses to kill neither the princess nor myself, then you can kill him, and in return for such a favor I will call off my archers, and your lives will be spared- for a time."
"No," Ashei said immediately, and Link stared her down furiously. But she was not about to give in. "No," she said again, and turned to Crevan. "Why are you doing this?!" she cried suddenly. "What does this achieve?! You aren't actually interested in Hyrule- you want nothing to do with us, otherwise you wouldn't be offering yourself up on a silver platter- no, I know what you're up to."
"Do you, now?"
"You think you can hide it? Just because Ganondorf was a megalomaniac doesn't mean you're one- you're not at all, are you? You're just a psychopath. You're not here for Hyrule or for Zelda or for power- you've already got all of that- you came here to ruin Link. You came here to watch him crumble- you're risking your life hoping that it will destroy him. Why? WHY?!"
Crevan's face was blank for a long moment. And then he just chuckled in mock-sympathy and shook his head. "It frustrates you to no end that you do not know who I truly am or where my loyalties truly lie. And I love that about you, Ashei of Snowpeak- I love that you are frustrated. It fuels me."
Ashei stared at him for a long moment. And then she turned to Link and yanked him a few steps backwards suddenly, at which motion the soldiers shouted out all at once.
"Ah- wait!" Crevan cried, calling the soldiers off. "Give them a moment- let them consult one another. Watch them struggle."
But Ashei and Link were paying no mind to Crevan's rude remarks.
"I'll kill him if you can't," Ashei breathed so quietly that not even Crevan could hear.
"No," Link said immediately. "Ashei- I've got a way out-"
"What?! What is it?" she whispered, and Link's eyes flitted suddenly toward the edge of the balcony. Ashei's eyes widened. "No- you can't kill yourself-"
"Shh," Link repeated, and pulled her closer. "Listen, it's not- it's not permanent- Mildred and I, we arranged something early on- an escape route-"
"I don't understand," Ashei whispered, and there was true panic in her eyes- something Link had never seen before. "You're- you're faking your death-?"
"If I kill Crevan, then I kill hundreds of men; if anyone besides me kills Crevan, then they've got to live with that guilt, too. But if they think I've killed myself, then Crevan will have gotten the satisfaction of watching me die- he'll call off the attack- it's the only chance we've got-"
"Hell of a shot- it'd never work- you jump if you want, but I'm killing Crevan; I don't care if all hell breaks loose, I'm killing him-" there were tears in her eyes- "Even if the guilt kills me- and it will kill me- you-" she exhaled suddenly, and her sweaty palm found his and encased it in a death grip.
"No, please-" Link was protesting all the while. "Ashei-"
"You run-" she interrupted, having none of it. "You run and you never look back- and I'll do what you can't- risk what you won't- I'll take it upon myself, I'll take it all upon myself, yeah? Because you know- Link-"
Her grip on his hand tightened and she looked him dead in the eyes. "I- I think you already know that I love you. I wasn't going to say it, but here I am- I love you, Link."
"I love you, too," he breathed, and it felt so odd and out of place to be saying it here of all places- but everything was about to fall to shit, anyway, and he had to bolt- and yet his sword was still in his hand, and Crevan was still waiting for an answer, and there was something churning within him that hadn't been there only moments before.
And then Link looked at Ashei one last time. Really looked at her- at her cold, withdrawn expression, at her blunt declaration of love- and he knew that she knew the exact gravity of the choice she was about to make.
And that was when it hit him that evil was neither a measure of morality nor of mathematics, and that evil was nonexistent, and this had all been a game, a ruse, a trick to make him think that he was evil when really there was and never had been any such thing.
His heart revved up to a mile a minute until the blood in his ears was so loud that he heard and felt nothing but pure, unadulterated rage. Something within him split open and screeched as he raised his sword and threw his weight away from the edge of the balcony and toward the exposed neck of the chancellor.
The flesh there split open and the chancellor's form collapsed immediately, no more than a crumpled heap before the hero, whose body felt like it was ripping into a thousand pieces and more- what was evil- who was he to judge- who had Crevan been to judge, and to inflict his judgement upon others when clearly he had been mortal?
And yet the world felt like a whirlwind of darkness and confusion, for Link had crossed the threshold into something much graver than he really could understand at the moment, and he felt very much like a man and very little like a boy anymore… he knew that there was something real to the world, for Ashei had overcome her shock and had wrapped her arms around his ailing form. And he watched as Crevan's soldiers collapsed one-by-one in his sight, and he knew, too, that the soldiers in the ballroom below were collapsing as well-
-Could it really have been an obsession with Link that had drawn Crevan to Hyrule? But why?! Out of sheer desire to break him? His dying wish had been to ruin Link completely, and in some respects, he had, for Link's ears were ringing and his sight was failing and all he could think was I have killed more men tonight than have ever tried to kill me. And that felt like evil to him, but the fact that Ashei's arms were around him did not feel like evil at all-
He felt another pair of arms entwine suddenly around the spot where Ashei's were, and he heard a soft, soothing voice- that was Ilia- and his vision began to clear. The ringing subsided as two bony arms overlapped Ilia's- Shad- and then there was a warm and trembling hug- Telma- the chain of support expanded as Auru placed a hand on one shoulder and Rusl placed one on the other- suddenly, Link was standing, and a shocked but very much alive Princess Zelda placed a slender, shaking hand on his face.
Link knew then that he could not fall if he tried. And he knew also that if he did ever fall, they would fall with him.
But more than anything, he was fighting an onslaught of new and bewildering thoughts that swarmed his brain until it ached. It felt dangerously like philosophy, and even now, in his weak state, he could not escape the prospect that perhaps evil was something that somebody had invented a long time ago as a way of influencing the society around him, and his legs shook and the world turned and he could feel it going white, very white…
Integral to his ultimate decision had been one thing- just one thing- and it had been the realization that he could not leave a burden that should be his on someone else's shoulders. And whatever the consequences of his decision had been- whatever sort of twisted guilt and whatever damage it would do to his identity- well, it was all his. And he knew now that his friends could walk freer- that he had overstepped the boundary between ignorance and disillusionment long ago, and that it was time he accepted this about himself. There was no turning back for him, but at the end of the day, his friends- his kingdom- its princess- they still could be free. The heavier the weight on his back, the more innocently they could walk.
And everything was white, now; it had all been swallowed up by the thick fog accompanying a tired mind. Philosophy and mind games had worn him dry; he was tired of it. Answers would come later, and now, as his brain went numb and his sore, weighted eyelids drifted shut, all that he truly longed for was rest.
I have a lot of commentary about this chapter, but at the same time, I don't want to taint or sway anything- I'd like to hear your honest thoughts.
Next chapter: Tying up some loose ends- in which Link is in recovery, Shad seeks some closure, and everyone realizes more or less that things have changed for good- leading Link to make an ultimate decision.
Thanks for reading. (10k words! What?!)
-Ctj
