This was a tough chapter to write – because the events that happened would not lead to PTSD, but they do lead to anxiety and being stuck in survival mode, so I hope that came across okay. Trigger warning for anxiety and trauma.


7. No Air

Despite being back in the Castle of Lions, the walls felt as if they were closing in on her. Allura flinched back slightly as she felt someone come close to her and searched around for Keith. Had Lotor come back? Had something else happened that she didn't know about? Her breathing picked up slightly and she looked around for Keith. Once she saw him come into her line of vision, her body visibly relaxed.

"Keith?" Allura asked quietly. "Are…are we safe?"

"We're safe," Keith said, moving a little closer as he locked eyes with hers. "I promise, we're back on the Castle of Lions. He can't hurt you anymore."

Allura blinked back tears and wrapped her arms around herself. If that was true, why could she still feel his touch upon her? Why could she feel his hands above her clothes, practically trying to rip them off her? Why could she still feel him towering over her, as if he were going to take everything? She backed away, even from Keith, although a part of her brain nagged that she could trust him with this, that he would understand if she shared it with him but the flashes in her mind were taking over. Lotor using his powers to pull her back, talking to her as if he owned her. Only she could hear all those things – none of them could. Keith fought to protect her but how was he going to protect her from her own mind, which was a bigger enemy than Lotor himself?

She ran to her room. She could hear Keith call out for her and Coran too, but she couldn't bring herself to reply to them as she shut the door behind her and sunk to her knees. These clothes felt dirty, like they were sticking to her body like wet mud that had dried up. The one that even if she scraped with all her might, it may not come off. But she had to try. She had to try and get it off her somehow. She jumped as she heard a knock.

"Allura?" Keith's voice was quiet. Had he come after her? But why? He had been the one fighting. He would have been exhausted too. "Princess…Allura, I know you're hurting. I'm sorry."

That didn't make sense. He had done nothing wrong – he had nothing to apologise for, so why was he saying sorry? If anything, she should be the one who was sorry, not him. Unless he regretted the kiss that the two of them shared. Her heart ached at the thought, and she slowly opened the door.

"Are you…do you regret what we shared? Because of what he wanted to do with me?" Allura didn't know much about relationships but Coran had given her the talk pretty recently and so she did know what sex was. And it was obvious Lotor wanted to force her into something like this against her will.

Keith's eyes widened slightly at this before his expression firmed and he shook his head. "No. Never. I would never blame you for a monster's actions."

Allura had never heard Keith sound so confident about anything as much as he did now, but she couldn't. Not right now. Not while this filth was crawling around her. "I…I need to shower. I can still feel how close he was. I need to get the dirt away." She moved to close the door, but Keith put a hand to it.

"Princess, you are not dirty," Keith said softly, averting his gaze. "I'm sorry, it's not my place to say that I know but I think…I think he's the dirty one."

Allura paused at that before blinking as Keith let go of the door and she closed it, turning around, and leaning against the door. It meant more than she could express to hear Keith saying that. But she still wanted to shower. Even if there was no dirt on her, it might help clear the fog in her mind. It might take away the voices ringing in her mind which kept insisting that she was dirty, that she had done something wrong – something to hurt Keith, which was the last thing she wanted but she also could not reply right now.


Keith wasn't sure what else to do. This was his fault. He was the one who had failed to protect her from Lotor. He hadn't been strong enough – for all his words, he had taken too long to be able to tap into the powers of that world and so Lotor had succeeded, even just for a little bit. He returned back to the main room.

"Number Four, is the princess alright?" Coran asked concerned.

Keith shook his head. "She's struggling with what happened." He didn't know what he could do to help. His stomach churned as his mind flashed with Lotor towering over Allura as she tried to squirm away. All he had been able to do was watch it all happen in front of him like a film without sound. He jumped slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder, flinching back slightly and the hand was instantly pulled away. It took a few seconds for it to register that the hand belonged to Shiro.

"Hey, I'm sorry Keith, I just wanted to know if you were okay," Shiro said softly. "I didn't mean to startle you, but I can tell you're struggling with what happened too."

Keith shook his head. "I'm fine." He wasn't the victim in all this. Allura was the one that had been hurt and needed to be taken care of. He pulled away from Shiro and the others, heading to the training deck. They may be away from Lotor now, but it had taught him one thing. If they were going to run into more people like Lotor in this war, they needed to get stronger or they would be defeated. It didn't matter how strong Voltron was, they needed to grow with it, or they would fall behind.

He couldn't let this happen again. He rubbed the side of his head as the flashes overtook him again. Lotor knocking him aside in the first fight and then knocking him unconscious. Easily defeating him so he could get what he wanted from Allura. He bit the inside of his cheek – dammit, why couldn't he forget it? He wouldn't be able to fight to get stronger if the flashes kept clouding his mind.

"You know, patience yields focus doesn't only involve being patient with others, don't you?" Shiro's voice interrupted him, and he looked up to see his brother walking toward him.

Keith frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You've been through something difficult too," Shiro said softly. "I know you think Allura's been through worse and maybe she has, but you were right there with her. Have some compassion and patience for yourself."

"We're in a war," Keith reminded him. "There's no time for that. If we meet more like Lotor, we're not ready. If Voltron is defeated, we'll be killed because on our own, we're not ready to fight."

"But we're not on our own," Shiro said softly. "Voltron isn't about just having a giant superweapon on our side. It's about there being five of us, coming together to fight a war. None of us are on our own. Voltron is not strong because it has abilities. But because it has each other."

Keith went silent at that. He understood what Shiro was trying to say, and he knew the last few days or however long it had been that they had been running in that world had been exhausting. But at the same time, Allura had been Lotor's main target, and he had just been…no, he couldn't think in the way Lotor did. Lotor was the one who was the Interloper…in their path. He was interfering, he was getting in the way. But at the same time, he had been alone, and they had been together. Maybe…maybe in the end, Shiro was right. Maybe powers were not what made Voltron strong.