A/N: This chapter is sad, but must be addressed. Also a little background on Shepard. I had this whole big story about Kaidan as well, but couldn't make it work. Maybe later!
HERS
Shepard threw her armor across her quarters angrily. She let the door close behind her and sank to floor against it, tears streaming down her face. Ash is gone. And it is my fault.
She was exhausted and undressed and climbed into bed. Sleep was a distant friend, however, and her mind whirled with activity. Akuze came back to haunt her.
Shepard kissed Cpl. Aaron Hayes quickly, her eyes glistening. He caught her by the waist and pulled her into a storage building. His kiss was deep and hungry. She knew what he wanted and she wanted him as well. He was supposed to be in the barracks getting some sleep, but she was supposed to be on night patrol. Akuze was fairly boring, and Shepard was never entirely sure why they were there. She was glad when this blond, blue eyed boy started paying her a little attention.
He really wasn't a boy at all. He was 26, and she was 23, but Shepard had never had a real relationship before. Her life as a Navy brat spacer kid kept relationships at an arm's length. She had stolen a few kisses as a teenager, but nothing more ever was able to come of them. There wasn't enough time. In the sense of physical relationships, Shepard was as green and virginal as they come, but she was excited that Aaron was going to change all that.
He was in sweats, so getting undressed was pretty easy. She looked at Aaron's wiry frame. She had never wanted anything so much in her life. Now it was here, finally. Aaron apparently had taken the time earlier to lay out a blanket on the floor, so he must have been planning this. Taking off her armor, Shepard smiled as they lay together on the blanket.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Aaron quickly threw his pants back on and told Shepard to wait there. He ran outside. Shepard heard shouting and an ungodly roar from something. Without thinking or caring that she was still nude, she ran to the door of building, clutching the blanket, only to see a thresher maw attacking their camp.
Venom spewed from its mouth and dissolved dozens of her comrades right before her eyes. Shepard's mind moved quickly. She ran to the Mako on the west side of the camp. She stayed behind the buildings to keep from the maw's spray. She saw other soldiers attacking with grenades and guns, but their numbers were dwindling quickly.
Before she reached the Mako, the maw withdrew underground and then came back up about 20 feet away. The force threw Shepard forward into some farming equipment they had been using to grow food, giving her stomach a nasty gash and hitting her face as well.
Shepard climbed into the Mako and took off to try to flank the animal. She began firing the guns, missiles, anything that would kill it. When it finally fell, adrenaline left her body and she passed out from exhaustion and blood loss. More than a day later, she was found by Alliance troops, still inside the Mako, still naked. No one ever asked her or cared why she was naked, and only Shepard knew because the rest of her camp was gone. It was then she determined not to let another man take her from her duty as a soldier. Aaron's death pushed her away from relationships; Ash's death showed her the importance of them. This is why I have to be with Kaidan, regs or no regs, duty or no duty. It can all end so quickly. He could be gone tomorrow too, just like Aaron.
HIS
Lying in the med bay bed, his side aching and his mind reeling, he tried to think of some way to justify Shepard's actions on Virmire. He had seen how close she and Ashley got as friends. He didn't really know why she had chosen to save him, but she did. Was that drunken confession really something after all? I don't want to be the reason Ash died.
"You can go now, Kaidan. Be gentle with yourself. Lay off the biotics for a day or so," Dr. Chakwas said gently.
"Yes, ma'am." Kaidan gingerly made his way up to the cockpit. Joker needed a friend today.
"Hey, Joker, I'm sorry about Ash…,"Kaidan began saying.
"Oh, you're sorry? You got to live. It was you or her and Shepard chose you. I feel pretty goddamn stupid for even encouraging you two." The pain in Joker's voice was apparent, but his implications landed hard on Kaidan.
"What are you saying?" he asked incredulously. "You'd rather me be dead?"
"Yeah, I mean, no! I mean….shit, this is so hard." Joker began to cry. "It isn't your fault about Ash. There could have been a way out for her, but it just wasn't meant to be. I just really thought we had something, you know? I can see that with you and Shepard and it isn't fair. I know that I'm not helping anything for myself by saying this, but Kaidan, you could still die tomorrow. Shepard could die tomorrow. You don't get second chances. Take the chance while you have one left. There's no such thing as regulations when you find someone that you can really...,"Joker's voice grew soft, "someone you can really love."
Maybe I'm not the reason Ash died, but we are the reason I lived. Kaidan could live with that.
