Well would you look at that, another update after five months! I promise, this will get finished, one of these days...


Chapter 5: The Great Debate Debacle


The stage was set in the school auditorium. While the debate was wrapping up for those running for Vice President, the three presidential candidates were making their final preparation backstage.

Susie was busy studying some note cards she had prepared, Moe was simply practicing punching motions for whatever reason, and Calvin was having a last-minute discussion with Hobbes.

"Now remember, try and focus on your points on what you have to offer, and not try and use the debate to criticize the others for simply existing." Hobbes instructed to Calvin.

"I don't criticize them for existing! I criticize them for all of their stupid ideas and always targeting me!" Calvin retorted.

"Okay fine, just don't make yourself look like a complete idiot out there and you just might finish ahead of Moe in your landslide defeat to Susie." Hobbes remarked back.

"You're my campaign manager furball! You're supposed to be encouraging me and telling me that I'm gonna win! You can't just admit defeat before the debate and the election!"

"Yeah, and from what everyone's seen so far, you winning is as likely as pigs flying."

"And now we'll have our final debate with our three candidates for Student Council President. Susie, Moe, and Calvin."

"Just try not and embarrass yourself." Hobbes said to Calvin as Calvin walked onstage with Susie and Moe. Hobbes noticed that Calvin had some sort of bulge in his pants, and gulped, knowing that Calvin was plotting something.

The three candidates took their places at podiums on the stage, and Miss Wormwood opened the debate.

"Welcome to the debate you three. How this will work is that I will give you a question, each of you will have two minutes to respond, and then give a brief rebuttal if you so desire. First question: Why do you think that the student body should elect you as President? Susie, we'll start with you."

"Well, I think that it is important that a Student Council President should have someone that has quality leadership experience. I have learned a lot of great qualities in leadership from being in the girl scouts and being a captain on the school's lacrosse team. I believe that-"

"Experience?! Ha! That's not what you need in a real leader!" Calvin interjected.

Miss Wormwood sighed, "Calvin, please wait until Susie has completed answering the question before adding in your editorials..."

"Well its true! Girl scouts is just an organization that meets just to make boys' lives miserable! Not to mention all she does in lacrosse is throw pinecones at me with her stick!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Probably because you deserved it Twinky!" Moe piped in.

"Oh, don't even get me started on you Moe! The only thing you lead in is your posse of mutant freaks that goes around beating kids up for lunch money and developing early onset CTE in football!" Calvin quickly shot back.

"And he's blown it in a minute tops... Not surprised..." Hobbes sighed from backstage as the students roared with laughter.

"Calvin..." Miss Wormwood groaned, "If you claim that these two don't have any real leadership qualities, then what qualities of a leader do you supposedly possess?"

"Well I'm glad you asked!" Calvin said proudly, "For one, I'm the Supreme Dictator for Life of G.R.O.S.S. Which stands for Get Rid of Slimy girlS! In this position, I have complete and total control over everything and anything, and with the assistant from my underling, President and First Tiger Hobbes, we are committed to getting rid of slimy girls!"

"All you do with that stupid club is just come up with stupid plans to attack me and they always fail!" Susie shot back.

"That's a big fat lie and you know it Susie!" Calvin retorted, "You see?! If you elect Crooked Susie, all she'll do is come up with lies to spread to the teachers and students and create stupid rules that will make life horrible at this asylum! And she'll just lie about it and pin it on me! Not to mention she's already trying to rig the election for her!"

"No I wouldn't! This is why nobody will vote for you Calvin!" Susie exclaimed angrily.

"Everyone please! We all need to calm down so we can have a nice, civil, debate!" Miss Wormwood yelled out, only to be ignored to the continued arguing.

"Yeah! She's right!" Moe said in agreement, "You're just makin' yourself my number one customer for the rest of the year!"

"SEE?! SEE?! Look at Sleepy Moe! All he's gonna do is legalize bullying and use his fists to get his way with everything like the big dumb galloot that he is!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Who you callin' sleepy and a galloot twinky?" Moe grumbled as he showed his fists, ready to give Calvin another punch.

"ME! THAT'S WHO! IF YOU ELECT CROOKED SUSIE OR SLEEPY MOE, YOU WILL ALL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!"

"This couldn't possibly get any worse at the rate this is going..." Hobbes commented from backstage.

"IF YOU ELECT ME, I WILL MAKE SURE THESE TWO COMMUNISTS ARE OUT OF HARMS WAY FROM EVERYONE!"

"Oh that does it! You're gonna get another walloping for everyone to see Twinky!" Moe exclaimed as he left his podium and started heading towards Calvin.

Calvin then quickly revealed a water balloon that he was hiding, and quickly splashed Moe with it.

"Figures that I was wrong with that judgment." Hobbes said facepalming.

The students hollered with laughter as they saw it go down, while Miss Wormwood fruitlessly tried to restore order.

Calvin and Moe were essentially wrestling with each other on stage, though Moe clearly had the upper hand despite Calvin's numerous attacks on him.

"Stop that you two lunatics! You're making a mockery of this!" Susie exclaimed, though again her statement fell on deaf ears as the two continued to fight.

Quickly thinking, Susie noticed some rope that was behind the stage, and quickly ran and grabbed it. She then harnessed it into a lasso, and then lassoed Calvin and Moe together and tied them up so they wouldn't cause any more carnage, to the cheers of the students.

"Get this big gorilla off of me!" Calvin exclaimed as Susie dragged the two off stage.

"Your gonna get it REAL good once I get out of this rope Twinky!" Moe also exclaimed.

"Shut up you two! You both proved that you're both unelectable! If that wasn't clear already!" Susie remarked as she continued to drag them off stage, while Calvin and Moe continued to hurl insults at each other.

As students soon began processing out, talking about what had occurred, Principal Spittle went up to talk with Miss Wormwood.

"So, I think its clear Susie wins this tomorrow, right?" Principal Spittle asked to Miss Wormwood.

"Oh definitely, unless everyone suddenly starts viewing the others in a different light, I don't see any other way how Susie could possibly lose this election." Miss Wormwood said in agreement.

However, unbeknownst to them, the unthinkable would soon occur...