A/N: This one is going to be a joint entry, well, because ;) Also, writing this breaks my poor little heart. I love Bioware, but then I hate them for giving me all these feels and then screwing the ending of ME3. I want biotic babies! I can't play anything else but Destroy, and then fangirl over Kaidan not hanging my name on the memorial wall. Damn you, Bioware!

Nonetheless, this was a joy to write still. So without further ado, Ilos! I hope you all enjoy and please review!

HERS and HIS and a little of THEIRS

After breaking the Normandy out of lockdown on the Citadel, a sense of freedom and urgency pervaded her crew. After their first kiss, Kaidan and Shepard felt a similar excitement, but theirs was tempered by decorum…somewhat.

They were only caught once by Garrus as he was waiting on the elevator so he could see if there was any leftover dextro-chocolate in the mess. That interesting quarian girl, Tali, seemed to like it, and he was pretty fond of it himself. The door opened and Garrus came face to face with a disheveled Shepard and a shame-faced Kaidan. Garrus' mandibles twitched. Shepard opened her mouth and tried to think of a quick lie, but the lip gloss on Kaidan's face was unexplainable.

Garrus held up his hand. "I'm not part of the Alliance. What you do is your business." Spirits, you two, get a room. I'm glad turian ships don't mind some extracurricular activities.

Stepping out of the elevator, Shepard looked at Kaidan, and a devilish smile came across his face, as his eyes motioned toward the Mako. She shook her head no, and went to check on the guns, since Ashley was no longer around to do it. Kaidan turned and joined Garrus.

While working, Shepard's mind began contemplating what they would be expecting when they reached Ilos. Really no one knew. What kind of resistance would there be? What exactly was the Conduit? How many crew wouldn't be coming back? Shepard shuddered at that last thought. She was bringing everyone home from now on, safe and sound.

Her omni-tool beeped and she saw that Council intelligence sent her some charts of Ilos and its ruins, albeit probably outdated. Still, something to go on. At least I can work out a place to start.

They were still a few days out from Ilos and Shepard lost herself in her work. Taking Saren down and stopping the Reapers had to be the priority. Kaidan respected her space and worked on his and the rest of the team's tech, since he knew they'd likely be facing a lot of geth.

For days, Shepard locked herself in her quarters and only came out sporadically to use the bathroom or grab a plate of food, which she brought back into her room. Kaidan started to worry. One thing he loved about her was her attention to detail when it came to battle plans. She had taken his advice and always had another plan in case the first, second, or 15th didn't work out. However, he knew she was getting tired and was stressed, and fatigue spells doom to a soldier. Biotics don't recharge as quickly, reaction times are slower. Kaidan made up his mind to help her in whatever way he could.

His chance didn't come until the evening before they reached Ilos. Shepard made her usual walk to the mess, picked up a plate of food and walked back to her quarters. This time she forgot to lock the door. He seized the opportunity.

The door hissed open and shut. Kaidan saw Shepard's back straighten in surprise.

"Commander." Kaidan smiled; he wanted to get a rise out of her.

Turning around, Shepard glared at him. "Kaidan, I thought I told you we were past these titles."

She saw the smile on his face and her features softened. "Rachel," he said softly, "I'm worried about you. You've been in here for days with nothing but work as a companion. That can't be good for you."

"Kaidan, I appreciate the concern, but right now, there's a whole galaxy's safety riding on what happens tomorrow."

"So you're just going to take this on alone? I thought I told you, well, that I'm here for you. Here to help you, and after everything recently, I just…" His voice trailed off.

"Kaidan, we are here to get the job done. We can't lose sight of that."

"You're right, Rachel. I just think about tomorrow and how everything could go like it did at Virmire. The thought of losing you…I just can't stand it. Indulge me for a few moments. Let me help you ease some stress. Anything. I want you to know when this is all over, things will be different. I plan on seeing this through, but for now, it has been an honor serving with you." He closed the distance between them. His lips were on her forehead while he still spoke.

"Hey, I'm not dead and neither are you." Shepard took Kaidan's hand into hers. "Don't act like this is ending. Bunk with me tonight. I need you." Fuck the regs.

"Is that an order, Commander?" Kaidan smirked, and wrapped his arms around her.

A sultry smile eased across Shepard's face. "Damn straight, it is. Lieutenant. Now, if you don't get yourself out of those fatigues and into my bed in one minute, I'll write you up for insubordination," she purred, pulling her hair from its bun and letting it fall over her shoulders down to her mid-back.

Kaidan was about to say, "Yes, ma'am," but his lips were suddenly locked with hers. Shepard loved his touch. She had never been touched by another biotic before Kaidan and the harmony of their dark energy moving through her body was unlike anything she had ever known. Her body felt alive and so in tune with his that she wondered if he could read her thoughts because she felt like she could see his, in full color.

She felt his lips move from hers to her neck, and then he looked at her in a steamy gaze. "Yes, Rachel. I can. Some human biotics have developed a sort of telepathy with other biotics, kind of like the asari. It isn't well known yet, but…"

"You avoided other biotics for fear of having them in your mind," Shepard searched his eye as she slowly finished his thought.

"Right, I-well, I wasn't sure if it was real until we touched while dancing in Flux. I knew why you ran; you were afraid of me, but that was all I could see. I'm not sure exactly how it works except it's a mental bonding and has to be developed, usually mutually. I think that's why it works for both of us now. Before, we always had something in the way, a mental block, and humans can't just open their minds. We need…" Kaidan's voice lowered and he stroked her hair. "We need physical touch."

Shepard was leaning against Kaidan's chest while he spoke, absorbing the words before he even spoke them. She trembled at the intimacy, not wanting to rush the moment. She wanted him badly, but to stand silently with him just holding her, feeling his feelings of desire along with hers as their minds communed, was just as erotic. Suddenly, she felt insecurity from him, and she looked up into his eyes.

"Are you sure about this?" said Kaidan. "I know that you've never—"

"Kaidan, I've waited 29 damn years for this night, for you. The Reapers themselves cannot stop this. In fact, I goddamn dare them to." A fire of defiance flared in Shepard's eyes.

That was all it took for Kaidan to forget gentility as he crushed his mouth to hers. His hands roughly untucked her shirt and slid his and under to get a touch of smooth skin. "Take it off," Shepard breathed raggedly. Kaidan complied and lifted her shirt over her head. She smiled and pulled at his. "Your turn."

For a moment, Shepard took in the sculpted chest that had been hidden by Kaidan's shirt. She smiled greedily, and then turned her back to him. Looking over her shoulder at him, she unlatched her bra and slid the straps down her arms. She felt Kaidan's chest press to her back and his hands came around to cup her breasts while his lips pressed to her neck. Sighing, she reached behind her to where his pants had become taut with his excitement.

Both sets of pants and boots and undergarments were soon discarded as their passion grew. Kaidan lay on the bed smiling as Shepard's naked body crawled toward him. He gazed over her form, seeing the ugly scar down her abdomen. He reached out to touch it. "Akuze," she said softly. Kaidan replied, "It's beautiful. It's part of you."

Kaidan rolled her over onto her back and let his hands explore her body. They moved along the outside frame of her hips and down her thighs. Then they went up her inner thighs toward her most sensitive places. His fingers lightly brushed her there, and she let out a little gasp and arched her back. She abruptly sat up, and pulled Kaidan's body onto hers. "You are taking too long. I need you, Kaidan. Join with me in every way."

Shepard's hands flowed smoothly down his back as he gently pushed himself inside her, feeling only a small resistance from her tender skin. She moaned when she finally accepted his full length, "Oh God, Kaidan." At the same time, their minds melted together, emotions blending, sensations heightened.

He moved slowly doing his best to be soft and gentle, but her hands moved to his hips and started to guide them more quickly. Kaidan felt her mind light up as her arousal grew closer to its climax. Her legs wrapped around his thighs as her breathing grew short. Kaidan found himself starting to lose control and he opened his eyes to see that he and she were surrounded by a blue aura.

Shepard looked into his eyes, somehow darker and intense, as he pushed her body into full pleasure. She couldn't hold back her shout of delight. Kaidan felt her climax around him and her passion enveloped his mind. Calling out her name, he let ecstasy overtake him, and suddenly a burst of biotic energy from both bodies blew through the room, throwing the pillows from the bed and knocking data pads from the desk with a crash.

Collapsing and breathless, Kaidan looked at Shepard in awe. "I guess it's a good thing they never taught us sex-ed at Brain Camp," he joked. Shepard slapped his arm, smiling, "That isn't exactly what I want to think about right now; you as a horny teenager and other girls."

"So what do you want to think about?"

"Well, I suppose I am thinking about how everyone on the ship probably needs a cigarette or a cold shower right about now," Shepard said scandalously.

Kaidan laughed, "It was that good, huh?"

"It was better than good," she said honestly. "Joining mentally and physically…I've never felt anything so intense in my life. Kaidan, I…" The words caught in her throat.

"I know, me either, and I love you too, Rachel." He kissed her forehead and held her close. Shepard snuggled in and fell asleep, feeling his thoughts of contentment and a fleeting thought of marriage.

She woke before he did, and decided to quickly shower and dress. Kaidan looked so peaceful in slumber that she didn't want to disturb him. I wonder if I touched him, if I could see what he's dreaming. She sat there on the desk watching him, when he rolled over and sat up.

"Hey," his smoky voice drawled sleepily.

"Hey yourself."

"You know, I don't think I've ever met a woman…"

"Bridge to Commander Shepard," Joker's voice broke in. "We're 5 minutes out from the Mu Relay."

"I swear to God, I'm going to strangle him," Kaidan shook his head. "You'd better get up there, but before you do, if anything happens to you…"

"You're a sweetheart, Kaidan, and don't worry. You'll be right by my side. If we go down, we go down together, deal?" She kissed him gently. "Now get dressed, we have some ass to kick."