Number of words: 3,895
Published date: November 18, 2012
Began chapter: November 8, 2012
Finished chapter: November 17, 2012
Chapter 15: Revelation
It wasn't an hour after the Elrics left when Lust approached her eldest brother with a sharp and determined look in her eyes.
"Where is Greed?" she asked without preamble.
Selim looked up from the number puzzle he'd been working on at the dining room table, clipped from the daily newspaper. The puzzle, newly introduced to Amestris, was called a Xingese Square, but Alphonse claimed that was a misnomer; the puzzle actually originated from one of the countries beyond Xing and was literally called Nine Nines. By the time Al got in contact with the newspapers to correct the error, the name of Xingese Square had already stuck in the public's mind. Much to Al's dismay. With the two countries only just establishing relations, as far as the Amestrians were concerned, everything from the East was Xingese.
"He said he was going for a walk…" Selim replied uncertainly. "Why?"
"Where is Madam Bradley?" Lust demanded, ignoring his question.
"Mother is reading in the garden. Why, Lust? What's wrong?"
"Come with me," she said. "We need to talk."
Selim hesitated for a moment, staring up into his sister's face, hoping for some glimmer of what she wanted to talk about, but her expression was hard and inscrutable. He felt a faint apprehension in his stomach, the childish fear that he was in trouble somehow, but the feeling was quickly squashed by indignation at her tone of voice. Lust was no fool, but to be using such a tone with him…
Making demands of me! Lust forgets her place, a cold voice inside him whispered. I need to remind her which one of us is the First- No! Lust is my sister. I'm not supposed to punish her just for being disrespectful... But she really should know better…
Those and similar were the thoughts that went through his head as he followed his big sister down the hallway, and if Lust had realized that she'd stirred Pride from his slumber, she might have changed her mind and told him that it could wait for another time.
Their destination was her bedroom, which was a surprise only because Lust normally guarded her privacy. She had allowed her siblings into her room only on the rarest of occasions. Of course, a closed door was nothing to his shadows and he'd never respected her part-request, part-demand for privacy in his past life, but once he'd assured himself that she wasn't hiding anything from him or Father, spying on her alone time turned out to be boring and a waste of energy. He had figured it to be a sign of weakness: Pride could endure being among humans for however long was necessary, but maybe Lust didn't have his stamina and needed time alone to recover. Heaven knew it must be hard to pretend to just tolerate (never mind care about!) the men who threw themselves at her feet, but it was still pathetic in his eyes all the same.
Selim stepped over the threshold and looked around, though he knew what to expect, having prepared the room together with Mother the day before she left for Mr. Garfiel's. It was already midday, so the sun didn't shine directly into the room, but there was still plenty of light to illuminate the rose-patterned rug and the mahogany desk and the dark-red duvet-covered bed and the plush armchair. He ignored the objects, noticing instantly that he was not the only person present.
Gluttony looked up from his seat on Lust's bed, still looking weird and somewhat uncomfortable in the regular clothing Alphonse had made for him the previous day. Dressed in a large, tent-like brown shirt and roomy blue pants held up by suspenders, Gluttony's size meant he'd still stand out in a crowd, but at least he looked more normal now than in the black bodysuit.
Envy was standing at the window with his back to them. He turned around at the click of the door closing and his expression, like Lust's, was tight and unreadable. Lust slipped around Selim and sank into the armchair and the pair of them stared at him as if waiting for something.
Selim returned their looks imperiously. Impudent children! They were both forgetting their place!
"Well? What is it we have to talk about that you had to drag me here?" he asked coolly. "I've got other things to do today."
"What!?" Envy blurted, taking an angry step forward. "How can you-"
Lust held up her hand and glared at him warningly. Restrain yourself, Selim read in her look. Glowering, Envy bit his tongue and calmed himself, though not without obvious effort.
"Pride, the Elric brothers are gone. Greed isn't here to betray us again. Ms. Bradley is out of the way. We are finally alone and there is no risk of eavesdropping. Tell us the truth: What is going on?"
"'What's… going on?'" Selim repeated slowly. "Lust, I don't understand. What do you mean? I explained everything the other day. Is there something you didn't understand about the alchemy, or do you mean something else?"
"Stop playing dumb, Pride!" Envy growled angrily. "There's no reason to keep pretending to be a stupid kid here! What's the plan?"
The… plan? He stared blankly at his brother and sister. What in the world are they talking about? What plan?
Envy's fists were clenched and he was leaning forward with a hopeful, almost desperate, look in his eyes. Lust was watching him with carefully schooled features, but she was anxious and he could see it despite her trying to hide it. Her hands were tight on the chair arms and she was holding herself with unusual rigidity, especially noticeable when compared to her normally languid posture.
They were waiting for him to say… what? What did they want from him? What plan were they talking about? What did Envy mean, that he should 'stop playing dumb'?
Unless…
Selim almost gasped and stared back at his brother and sister with wide eyes.
"Come on, Pride! Spit it out! There's got to be one! What's the plan?" Envy repeated. He looked angry, but no: That was a cover, one of his masks. There was fear underneath. There was a note of pleading in his voice. Lust's expression was already changing, horror creeping over her features as she saw the dawning realization on Selim's face, as she understood what Envy was desperate not to see.
"You… You thought I was lying," Selim murmured, looking down to avoid their eyes.
He hadn't realized… It hadn't occurred to him that they might think… This was awful. It was a disaster! They'd been clinging to the hope that it was all a trick, and now he had to dash their hopes, tell them that all of it was true, that he'd been completely honest about everything…
"Of course you're lying! Pride, you have to be lying to them! There's no way you'd settle for being human! You're learning alchemy so that we can start over! That nice human kiddie crap is just an act! Right?"
He was practically babbling, gesturing with the passion of his hope, wilfully ignoring the way Selim flinched at his words.
"Envy…" Lust tried, but he ignored her too.
"You must have a plan. Making Stones isn't that difficult. We'll get rid of your 'mother', round up some worthless humans, make some new Stones, and get our powers back. You must know where the next eclipse will happen. We'll go there, carve a new circle… Even if we can't get God's power this time, surely with a large enough Stone, we can figure out some way to bring Father back… I'm right, aren't I? Come on, Pride! Say something!"
In an instant, grief was replaced by cold fury.
"We'll 'get rid of Mother'?" the little boy hissed. "And just what do you mean by 'get rid of', Envy?" He took a step toward his younger brother.
Envy had been able to ignore Selim's prior behaviour, but now there was no ignoring the murderous glint in the child's deep purple eyes. He backed up and held his hands out defensively.
"I- I didn't mean-"
"You didn't mean what?"
"Sh- She's just a human, Pride!"
"'Just a human'? Do you still not understand that you are also 'just a human' now, Envy?"
Lust stood up and started to move between them.
"Pride, enough! It's unseemly, fighting like this-"
The pair didn't even hear her.
"But Pride! You can't really… You're not going to make us stay like this! You can't! You've got to have something figured out!"
Pride filled Selim with contempt, drawing his words out in an unforgiving rebuke.
"Are you really that stupid? You don't understand anything, Envy. There is no plan! I already told you everything and it was the truth. All of the truth. I'm happy here with Mother. I have no intention of risking my life trying to fulfill Father's goal. It took me forever to convince Big Brother and Teacher to bring you back and you want to immediately go out and create more Stones? Are you so jealous of humans that destroying them is still all you can think about?"
Envy's jaw tightened furiously, but Lust spoke before he could say something that would put him in even hotter water.
"Stop this! Pride, it wasn't Envy's idea that you might be lying; it was mine. You cannot be surprised that we didn't believe you. You claim that it's only been six years, and yet you want us to believe that you've forgotten all about Father's plan when you were the most loyal? You want us to believe that you're happy living among humans when you considered them so far beneath you? You cannot blame us for thinking that you were deceiving them. You were the master of deception."
The logic and praise of her words helped to calm the tension in the air. Selim turned his attention to his sister, dismissing Envy, who was still trembling at his brother's accusation and cringing at the possibility that Pride knew all the details of his death.
Selim considered and realized that, yes, he should have expected this.
"I suppose you're right, Lust," he allowed. "I could have been tricking everyone. Extremely difficult – especially with the Elric brothers – but not impossible. Fortunately, that is not the case."
"'Fortunately'?" she repeated cautiously.
"I thought I explained it adequately the other day. Even if I was tricking them, there's little I can do. The circle is broken. There are enough officers in the military to prevent me from moving freely. If my Stone regained its power, Teacher would know it immediately through his alkahestry. If I created another Stone, the repercussion would be death, plain and simple. As a lone child, it's hopeless for me to try anything. In that case, isn't it better to not want to try?"
Hopeless… Lust silently repeated. Her older brother didn't seem saddened by his admission, or apologetic, or frustrated. He simply stood, looking at her with a steady and composed gaze. This is the way it is, he seemed to be saying. We lost. You know as well as I do that there is no point in denying it or fighting it. It is human nature to struggle and fight even when there is no hope, but that is not our way. I am not such a fool as to choose what is impossible.
But she couldn't accept it that easily.
"How do you know there isn't some way you haven't thought of?" she challenged.
Selim's eyebrows shot up, then lowered contemptuously.
"What are you suggesting, Lust? That I've missed something? I would rather you not insult me like that. Don't you think that if there was some way to recover my powers, I would have thought of it? Don't be so impertinent."
"I will be as impertinent as is necessary," Lust replied frostily, folding her arms beneath her breasts. "I would never accuse the old Pride of overlooking something, but you are clearly not of the same mind anymore. You said yourself that you are both Homunculus and human; you never would have said something like that before, which only proves that you've changed. The way you've been talking, it sounds less like you couldn't think of anything and more like you never even bothered trying."
The accusation was so grave that Selim couldn't think of a response. His pride took a dip, leaving him stunned and silent.
Lust, sensing that she now had the upper hand, continued her attack.
"So there is no plan. You are claiming to be a human child now. You say you are perfectly content with this new life. Very well. Then why are we here?"
Her little brother bit his lip, looking troubled. His gaze turned from Lust's steely eyes to Envy, who was watching their sister with mild admiration for her bravery in confronting their monster of a brother and anxious curiosity over Lust's next words and Pride's response. From the corner of his eye, Selim could see Gluttony fidgeting on the bed, obviously disliking the unpleasantness of the whole situation but relieved to so far remain uninvolved.
"You are deceiving yourself, Pride. Perhaps you cannot admit that your mind has lost its edge. As you said: Impossible for a lone child to accomplish anything. And after what you have suffered from your Stone's depletion, you can hardly be blamed for giving up. But now that we are here, there is no need for any of us to settle on being human. Isn't that the real reason why you called us back? You couldn't come up with a plan on your own. You needed our help, and now we can return to Father's original goal and-"
"No," Selim said.
She frowned down at him, purple eyes narrowing at his firm tone.
"If you're worried that it will be dangerous, then I agree that there will be risks. But I am sure I can think of some way to recreate our Stones without being discovered by-"
"I said no, Lust. We're not creating any more Stones."
Her lips compressed into a tight, thin line, but it was Envy who spoke next.
"Why the hell not?!" he demanded fiercely. "You're not going to start talking like a damn human again, are you? With all that garbage about the worms being valuable? You know they're just going to die anyway, Pride! Why else would you bring us back except to get revenge?"
"I already told you why!" Selim cried in frustration. "It wasn't because of revenge or needing help or wanting to regain my powers! I missed you! That's the only reason!"
It was almost painful to see how easily that shut them up.
Envy's mouth hung open, speechless at the very thought that Pride was claiming to care about them. Lust gave a small shake of her head, studying him with a piercing look that now saw more than just her respected older brother.
Selim could see her struggling with the idea that, despite having known each other for almost three centuries, Lust didn't know him at all. Pride had been careful to ensure that he was seen as the strongest and smartest Homunculus. He had wanted to be the highest of his siblings and had carefully nurtured his image of being ruthless, cruel, and utterly dispassionate. The very suggestion that he had a weak side would have seemed preposterous in the past, and yet now he could see Lust calculating and considering just how much of Pride had been a play at self-aggrandizement to shore up his arrogance when there was really an uncertain, vulnerable child hiding underneath.
I missed Lust, Selim thought wistfully, but I wish she weren't always so perceptive!
It was important to get the idea of the Stones out of their heads and yet appealing to what he had learned about humanity in the past six years would be a wasted effort. Only experience, not words, could convince Envy and Lust that human lives were valuable and that taking lives was wrong. So what approach would work best to persuade them to abandon their scheming…? Appeal to their vulnerability through their connection to his Stone? Exaggerate the Elrics' and the military's watchful eyes? Explain that even with more Stones, there was no guarantee that he could 'reconnect' their souls and get their powers back? Or should he simply exert his authority as the oldest and hope that he still held enough power to force their obedience…?
"… You're lying."
Selim looked up. Envy had gotten over being dumbstruck, but his reaction was far from what Selim would have expected.
He was upset, only it wasn't his ordinary overly-emotional version of upset. His shoulders were hunched, his fists clenched. He avoided looking at Selim as he spoke, instead glowering at the floor, but his words were measured and quiet.
"You're lying, Pride," he repeated softly. "Maybe you missed some of us, but you couldn't have missed all of us."
"What are you talking about?" Selim asked blankly.
Envy's frown grew deeper and, for once in his life, he seemed reluctant to speak. But, after a moment, he looked up and met Selim's eyes and explained in a resentful tone, "Edward told me all about it last night, Pride, so you don't have to pretend anymore."
"Pretend what? I don't know what you're talking about, Envy."
"The array, Pride! Ed told me: The transmutation wouldn't have worked without all five of us! So stop acting like you missed me! Admit it: If you don't have a plan then you didn't need me except to make five and you couldn't care less if I'm here or not!"
Selim blinked.
"Is that really what Big Brother said to you…?"
"Why would I lie about something like that? He said the only reason I'm here is because you needed five." This he said with a grimace.
Selim shook his head. "No, I don't mean you're lying, I'm just surprised he said it like that. Are you sure you didn't mishear? Because that's definitely not true. I never once said anything like that."
"Yeah right," Envy scoffed sourly.
I- I don't believe it! I think he's… Yes, I'm sure of it!
"Envy… Did Ed hurt your feelings?" Selim asked slowly, stepping forward and twisting his neck to look up into his jealous younger brother's face.
"What?! NO!"
"He did, didn't he?"
"Screw off! That's not it!" In desperation, Envy turned to his sister, but Lust merely gave him a light and mocking smile.
"Is that what you were so upset about yesterday? And here I thought you were just being sentimental for no reason."
Quickly growing red in the face, Envy backed up and started for the door, but Selim grabbed his hand, putting on his best 'cute earnest child' face.
"Envy, whatever Big Brother said, I missed all of you. If he said something like that to threaten you, it's only because he wanted to make sure you don't try to cause any trouble." A brief pause while he put a hint of warning into his voice. "Like killing people to make new Stones."
"But without new Stones, we're stuck like this-"
"I don't care. I've survived without my powers for this long and you will do the same," Selim said emphatically. "Lust, you may be right: With my defeat, I might have lost some of my cunning – and that's hard for me to admit – but I do not want you to come up with a 'solution'. I don't want you to even think about it. There is no plan. There is to be no plan. If the military discovers that you're alive, they will come after us and kill us.
"Big Brother and Teacher made it clear that they will act to stop us if we try anything. But I want to give my own warning: I am on the humans' side. I will also stand against any scheming, so if you're going to try anything, you'll have to hide it from me too."
Lust did not look pleased by that news, and Envy tore his hand from Selim's grasp, snarling at him.
"Damn it all, Pride! Then even if you did miss us, you still don't care about us! You should have known that wasn't good enough! That we could never be happy as humans! You're being just as selfish as Greed's ever been! What are we supposed to do like this, huh?"
Selim crossed his arms and tried to look haughtily down his nose at them, though with the differences in height, it was a futile effort.
"That's right," he replied. "I was being selfish. I wanted you back. And thanks to my selfishness, you're alive again." Suddenly, he grinned. "If the price is listening to you complain about it, that seems like a pretty reasonable exchange to me!"
He sobered at the indignation on Envy's face.
"Please, give it a chance," he murmured gently. "You'll get used to it eventually, I promise.
"Now, I imagine we've covered everything you wanted to talk about…? In that case, I have my studies to get to, and Mother might become suspicious if we're hidden away for too long."
Selim turned and started to head for the door, then paused and looked back.
"Oh! I almost forgot something!"
He should have known that, after such a difficult conversation, they would be in no mood for it. Lust looked up with a troubled expression and Envy just looked sour. But maybe it was the fact that he'd been speaking so seriously, that he'd been in his Pride role for such a long stretch, that made him want to say it. He wanted to show them that he might be their eldest brother, but he was a child too.
Playfully, he wrinkled his nose at Envy.
"Envy, I don't want to be mean, but… You're starting to stink. Teacher made you new clothes for a reason. Mother can't wash what you're wearing unless you change into something else."
The slow change in his brother's expression was definitely fun to watch. For a few seconds, Envy seemed stunned, and then the insult sank in.
"I don't care who you are! Pride, I'm going to kill you!"
With a growled oath, he lunged for the boy. Selim laughed and stuck his tongue out before scampering from the room.
"It's Selim now!" he returned over his shoulder.
The sooner they recognized his other side, the better. If they got used to seeing him as a human, if they could stop treating him like a Homunculus, it would only help them get used to being human themselves all the faster.
Of course, he didn't want to completely lose his authority with them either. It would be a difficult balancing act, maintaining respect while still being seen as a child.
But it would be worth it.
No more need to be lonely. He had his family back who, like him, were not normal and with whom he didn't need to have any secrets. Here, finally, he had discovered the foolish human optimism that said everything would be all right from now on.
So long as his siblings behaved.
He couldn't believe in that foolish human optimism, but he wanted to.
Author's Notes:
Lust and the plan: Someone pointed out to me that Lust, being so cunning, should be able to come up with a plan where Selim couldn't. My response is that characters can only be as smart as the people writing them! If anyone has any thoughts on how the Homunculi could pursue their old antics without risking their lives, speak up. Ideas on that front might help me with the plotline further on.
Suggestions for plot: Until the third phase of the story, the plot will be quite flexible in terms of chronology and events. If you have any ideas of human realities or events that you'd enjoy seeing the Homunculi experience, please feel free to suggest them. I'd like to say that I've got lots of ideas, but more couldn't hurt. If the idea works and is in-character and I can fit it in, I'll try to use it.
