Chapter 26: Lustful love


~The desire of love is to give. The desire of love is to get. – Ed Cole~


Time passed swiftly and I kept on slipping into depression. Panic built in my chest with each day that took me closer to March, which would officially mark the end of the two months deadline. End of Edward's life.

Edward tried to cheer me up but his attempts were fruitless. He put on a brave face but his kisses said otherwise. There was urgency and pain in the way he held and kissed me.

One day, during the first week of February, I was sitting in the bleachers. Sasha sat next to me, admiring the boys who were stretching on the field.

"I wish I had a boyfriend." Sasha sighed.

"I'm sure any boy there on the ground would love to go out with you." I bumped her with my shoulder, reassuringly.

"That's because of this," she gestured to her lovely porcelain face. "Physical appearance. That's what matters to them. They never care to find out what is inside me. Only what is inside the clothes."

I giggled and leaned back. "Edward's not like that. We talk most of the time and he always stops with kissing. We don't go beyond that."

"But you love him, right?" Her eyes widened.

"Of course." I smiled. It was the last period of the day and I had it free. Poor Edward was somewhere inside the school building, trapped in his Biology class.

"Then why don't you...um.." Sasha frowned, thinking of the correct word to apply. "Make love?"

I blushed and pretended to be distracted by a piece of lint on the sleeve of my midnight blue cashmere top.

"Edward's from 1918. I'm sure his parents trained him to touch his lover only after he married her." I mumbled.

Sasha scowled and was about to say something when the bell rang, signaling the end of school.

"Well, let me tell you something. Boys will be boys. Just talk to him and ask how he feels about it." She said firmly.

I didn't reply for few minutes and then I shrugged. Sasha rolled her eyes and she began to speak but she was interrupted again. This time by Jane Volturi.

"Hey, Bella," Jane panted. "Since when did Edward and Tanya become friends?"

"What?" I yelped and shot to my feet. I didn't like where this was going.

"I was in the parking lot when I saw Edward open his new Volvo's door. Tanya went and started talking to him. I wanted you to know before something happened." Jane explained.

"Nothing's going to happen when I'm there." I was already walking away from the bleachers.

"You rock, girl! Strangle that bitch!" Sasha shouted encouragement.

It was hard to keep up a normal pace when all I wanted to do was run like hell. When I finally reached the parking lot, I froze and watched them from behind a car.

"Sooo...can you give me a ride in the new car of yours, handsome?" Tanya purred, leaning closer to Edward.

Edward rolled his eyes and took a step back, bumping into the door of his Volvo.

The word 'handsome' didn't even do justice to the way he looked today. His dark green t-shirt highlighted his forest green eyes and showed the muscular contours of his arms.

"Pun intended, of course." She winked suggestively.

I didn't wait for Edward's reply. I stalked towards them and looped my elbow through Edward's with a deadly sweet smile.

"Sorry, he's taken," I didn't sound sorry at all. "And FYI, I'm the only one who rides in his car."

Edward didn't conceal his snicker and opened the door for me. I got inside and Edward joined me on the driver side. We drove away, leaving a pissed and embarrassed Tanya behind.

"That was classic." He grinned at me.

"It's not," I turned to face him. "Edward, did you even understand the sex joke she was making?"

His bright face turned appalled and his eyebrows knit together. Slowly, he shook his head. I placed my school tote down, thoughtfully.

The anger and bitterness inside me vanished and I felt sorry for him because even though he didn't belong to this era, he was still trying hard to get accustomed to the way 21st century people acted and talked.

He held out his free hand and I placed mine on top of his.

"What did she mean? What is the other meaning of the question she asked me?" Edward demanded, squeezing my hand.

"She asked...uh, you know, if you wanted to...have sex with her." I looked down at my lap.

"She wanted to have sex with me?" He sounded disturbed.

I glanced at him and frowned. "Yes. Can I ask you something?"

He still looked aghast but managed to nod.

"Have you done it before?" I asked, feeling equally terrified and thrilled.

"Of course not!" Edward shook his head, his lips curving at the edges. I stared hard at his face. Did he look disgusted? Did he approve of sex before marriage?

Now that I thought about, I started wondering if we would ever do it. I imagined his strong pale arms holding me and his soulful green eyes staring at me as he eased into me.

"What are you thinking?" He questioned softly. I shook my head while new similar images entered my head.

"Edward?" I swallowed, deciding against my better judgment.

I realized that we had reached my home and he cut the engine.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever want to...?" I trailed off suggestively. My heartbeat increased dramatically as I waited for his reply and I started having a breathing problem. In...out...in...out. I reminded myself.

"During my days back in the 1900's," Edward said quietly. "Our parents and the church drilled in our heads that we could make love only after we were joined in a matrimonial ceremony before the Lord. It signifies the spouses union and they become one. But these days, whatever channel I watch or whichever book I read, the characters treat sex like it's a very simple plaything. Do you have the same opinion, Bella?"

I glared at him and felt like he had thrown a bucket of cold water on my face.

"Wow, Edward. I didn't know you had such a low opinion of me." I said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it in that way," he hurriedly went on to correct himself. "I'm only saying that sex is very magical and powerful. Nevertheless, I am -"

"You don't have to say anything." I cut him off. I reached forward and slung my tote over my shoulder.

"Bella, please, it was never my intention to hurt you -"

"You already did." I snapped and got out of the car. I walked to my house just as tiny droplets of water started hitting my face.

"Wait!" He ran after me.

I bolted to the main door and opened it in no time. Edward caught up with me just as I entered.

"Please, save it." I closed the door on his face.

I wanted to show him how hurt I was. Maybe I was being theatrical but I couldn't help but feel hurt at the question he had thrown at me.

"Bella!" Mom burst in from the kitchen, "Who is standing outside?"

"No one." I said miffed and sprinted up the stairs.

I threw the wet tote on the bed and leaned against the window. I watched him, hidden from his view by the curtains. Edward stood near his car and he was completely soaked from head to toe. My chest contracted painfully but I brushed off the guilt.

He ran a hand through his hair and his shoulders hunched in a dejected way. Few minutes passed and when I was on the verge of crying, he looked straight up at the window.

I took a step back and peeked at him carefully. He messed up his hair again and finally got inside the car. I retreated inside and climbed on my bed because it was too painful to see him drive away and heard the soft purr of his Volvo's engine fade away.

I took a cold shower in spite of the rain and sulked in my room for most of the time.

Then the calls and messages started coming from Edward. I didn't delete the messages or cut his calls but instead chose to turn a blind eye over it. I stared so much at the Calculus book that the numbers started to float and blur altogether.

My ringtone kept on blaring every five minutes and I found it hard not to press the answer button. I had a light dinner and went back to my room to sulk for the rest of the night.

It was past eleven when I heard a ping at my window and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I walked over to the huge glass window and opened it after I pushed back the curtains.

"Bella, over here!" Edward called out, relieved.

"What do you think you are doing?!" I whisper-shouted to him.

My window faced the front portion of the house and he had somehow found a way to climb past the wooden fence. His dark clothes hid him perfectly in the shadows. That was where he belonged, I realized with a shudder. He was an Undead.

"Can I come up?" He asked, his voice dropping an octave. The street light was off and all the neighbors were fast asleep.

"Do you have a death wish?" I hissed and leaned forward. "You'll fall if you try to climb!"

"Who said anything about climbing?" He arched an eyebrow and cocked his head expectantly.

I glared at him, finally understanding what his plan was. After a silent inner fight, I nodded at him and crept down the stairs. I passed my parents' room and I could hear my dad's snore overpower mom's. That was a good sign.

I slid the main door's bolt apart and pried open the door. Edward's dark head appeared and he stepped inside hesitantly.

"Hey," he breathed quietly. He towered over me and I couldn't see the expression on his face as the lights were switched off for the night.

I turned and headed upstairs without a word. I couldn't hear his light steps and I wanted so badly to turn around and check if he was still there. When we reached my room, I locked the door and finally switched on the night lamp.

Edward's eyes widened when they zoomed in on my night attire. After the dinner, I had changed into hot pink boy shorts and matching tank top which was comfortable to sleep in.

"Why are you here?" I whispered, oddly pleased at the way he stared at me.

"You never let me talk this evening." He whispered back, patiently.

I blushed and looked at him sheepishly. "Go on."

The dim yellow light cast a shadow across Edward's face which looked like it was made out of stone. He rolled back his shoulders and I watched his shoulder blades shift in his black button down shirt, unable to look away.

"I apologize for the way I sounded earlier," he began. "It was just that...when you asked me that question, I thought...you had already done it. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, I was jealous and angry. Now be honest, how you made love before?"

"Uh, no." I rolled my eyes. "Duh!"

He relaxed visibly and I was unable to hide my giggle. I decided to take his reason into account and found it hard to remain angry at him.

"And why did you ignore my calls?" He scowled and sat on my unmade bed.

"I wasn't ignoring your calls," I shrugged and stared at the window. "I just enjoy listening to my ringtone."


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-BEJL