Hey guys! Thanks for the comments & follows. I'm so glad that this piece has sparked your interest. I didn't expect to have another chapter up in such a short period of time, but I managed to sit down for a little and bust it out. It's still rough around the edges - I think I might be flip-flopping between tenses - but I promise that each update will get better with time. Comments/reviews/suggestions are very much appreciated.
Cheers!
CHAPTER 1: Revelations
"It won't be long until the CO's find Doggett," Nicky grumbled, glancing at Piper who rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, "Whaddaya want me to do, Vause? I'm not taking the fall for your girl.
"Don't be stupid, Nicky," Alex replied as she ushered the blonde over to the sinks, "I just need a little time to think." After Piper had hoisted herself up onto the countertop, Alex took Piper's hands into her own to inspect her knuckles. A few of the cuts ran a little deep, and Piper hissed when the brunette got too close to her wounds.
"And what exactly do I have to do with this shit?"
"You're an accessory, Nicky. And you're my best fucking friend. So quit bitching and help me clean Piper up."
"The things I do for you, Vause," Nicky sighed, "I fucking love yah." Hearing Nicky use the l-word with Alex was like getting hit square in the chest with a crowbar, and it made Piper recoil ever so slightly. Alex must have noticed because she began to fuss with her glasses, which, in the years she had known Piper, had become a tell tale sign of her nervousness and discomfort.
"I'm not her girl," Piper squeaked, "And I honestly don't know why you two are helping me."
It was the truth - unfortunate and heartbreaking, but just as true as stating that Larry Bloom had called off the engagement or that Piper Chapman would never forgive herself for walking away from Alex. Not even 3 hours prior to the 'incident' with Pennsatucky, Alex had very clearly told Piper to fuck off. She cringed as she recalled the smug look on Nicky's face as she stood, gaping like a fish, outside Alex's cube; it was the type of grin that screamed, "I just fucked Alex Vause, and you, blondie, can't do shit about it." She shook her head, thinking that maybe it was just her own sad interpretation of the whole shitty situation.
Alex muttered something under her breath, and busied herself by wiping tentatively at the now dry blood. Even when Nicky excused herself to go find out what was happening out in the halls of Litchfield, Alex kept her gaze fixed on Piper's injured knuckles, careful not to wipe too close to the open wounds. When Alex wrung out the towel, both women watched as the blood tinted water washed away into the drain. Piper let out a bitter laugh, finding that the downward spiral of the water in the sink was an impeccable representation of her life. She looked down at her hands, and then back up at her ex-girlfriend, who was, once again, fidgeting with her thick-rimmed glasses.
"I don't think my knuckles have ever been this clean," she whispered, trying to clear the overwhelmingly heavy cloud of despair that had settled over their heads. Alex's brow furrowed as she pressed her lips into a tight line. "I don't know why you saved me," Piper breathed, "We both know that I certainly don't deserve it. But, thank you." Alex only nodded in response, drawing out an agonizingly long silence.
Piper wasn't entirely sure if she had the courage to ask why, and she fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She wondered if her genuine curiosity - sparked by Alex's dogged, yet gallant efforts to protect her - would push her ex-lover even further away. Would Alex think that she was being downright ungrateful by asking? She couldn't bear to sever the already frayed lifeline that she clung to, and she knew that no apology could ever make up for the pain and trouble Alex had been through after she ran away from her feelings. Alex didn't owe her shit, and the fact that she was sitting on the sinks with her hand in Alex's baffled her to no end.
Alex could tell by the silence that the blonde was battling some serious inner demons, and she so badly wanted to kiss the pain away. But, she was very much aware of the scathing words that had slipped from between her lips when Piper came running to her cube earlier that day. She was so ashamed at how harsh she had been, yet so sick of being tossed back and forth by the Piper Chapman roller coaster. For years, Alex had suppressed the feelings she had for Piper; she had pushed them so far down that when it came to giving up names in exchange for a shorter sentence, she thought that naming Piper would be as easy as breathing. But, the feelings Alex had scared the life out of her. She'd been involved with 'recruits' before - countless one night stands, and an occasional repeat performance. But, none of those late night romps had prepared her for the overwhelming sense of emotion she felt for the Smith graduate. There was something about the blonde that kept Alex roped in. They were inevitable to each other, as Piper had so aptly put it. Yet, as she dropped her chin to her chest, Piper found the words "I'm sorry" rolling off her tongue, which prompted a pathetic attempt at an explanation for her behavior.
"Larry broke off our engagement," she deadpanned without looking up to see Alex's reaction, "And I know that's not an excuse for treating you like shit. But, the sad part is that I'm actually relieved. I was getting so sick of his bullshit, so I can only imagine how you felt. And then Pennsatucky. She told me that I was unworthy of anyone's love, and there was a brief moment that I wished" - she swallowed hard - "wished she'd just get it over with."
The dark reality of her innermost thoughts hadn't scared her until she managed to articulate them out loud, and she realized that the woman who had turned herself in was a far cry from the woman who was staring at her own bruised hands. Much to her dismay, Litchfield was helping Piper discover all the pieces of herself she buried in order to fit the yuppie stereotype. She braced herself for what she was about to say, knowing that it was going to shatter her already fragile heart.
"I don't deserve you, Al. I realize that now. When I look back at everything you've given me and all that you've done, you know, all the places we've been and the unconditional love, I realize that I just don't deserve you. I was never good enough for Larry, so why I thought I could ever be good enough for you is beyond me. What I'm also realizing is the irony of this whole shit storm. I mean, look at me" - she stifled a humorless laugh - "I became accustomed to having you around, and expected that you'd be my safety net whenever I fucked up. Yet, I can't even bring myself to stick around when you need me the most. So, I guess I'll never understand why you didn't just leave me in the yard with Pennsatucky, or why you're even bothering to try and cover for me. This is the mess I've made. After all the crap I've pulled, how come you're still here with the goddamn mop, ready to clean it up for me?"
Alex too often fell victim to Piper's classic Bambi act; the wide-eyed, sorrowful pout always made her bend over backwards. Determined to break the pattern, Alex steeled herself as she took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest. Piper grew silent and chewed at her bottom lip. And as hard as she fought to keep them up, Alex could feel the walls around her heart crumbling. She definitely hadn't forgiven Piper just yet. In fact, there was a slight chance that she'd never fully forgive her. It would take much more than a proclamation of self-pity on Piper's part, but Alex knew that, even if she walked away, they'd somehow find their way back to each other. So, rather reluctantly, Alex uncrossed her arms and took a step closer to the woman in front of her.
"I love you, Piper," Alex declared, taking the blonde's face in her hands, "Okay? I have loved you from the moment you stepped foot in that dive bar. I loved you even when you packed your bags and left me in Paris. You drive me up the fucking wall, and sometimes I just want to say 'fuck you' and not have anything to do with you. But, I love you. I will always love you." Alex found it almost impossible to suppress the wave of emotion that washed over her. The tenderness in her words had brought tears to not only Piper's eyes, but also to her own.
Their moment of compassion was short lived as Nicky came barreling back into the bathroom, exclaiming, "Yo, Vause, you'll never believe the shit that... oh."
Alex sniveled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, while Piper fixed her gaze on the grimy, tiled floor. Nicky began to mutter unintelligibly, bouncing apprehensively from foot to foot. She always had the most immaculate timing when it came to unintentional cockblocking. And after a silence that was much too awkward for her liking, Piper was the first to speak. "We were just discussing, uh, something."
Nicky peered at the two women, and let out a brief laugh. "Yeah, okay, not-lesbians," she snickered, "I just came to tell ya' Bennett and that thick Diaz chick were caught fucking in the utility closet. I mean, you'd think she'd learn after boning Pornstache. So, unfortunately for you, Blondie, you've got to share the spotlight. Tell me how very disappointed you are."
Piper and Alex exchanged looks of utter disbelief just as they heard Caputo's thundering voice echo through the halls, "All inmates report to their bunks. Immediately."
